Why INFJs Unnerve Other People

[@cacheknock]

Yup! Almost everyone says I make them feel insecure. I'd say I lean more towards a spiritualized INFJ, and very esoteric & deeply psycho analytical minded. So I pick up on every little subconscious thing, & I know a little too much. Especially, if I know you personally & know your birth chart. I can break down every little part of some one's mind, including things they may try to hide, on the spot. Knowing too much about people's inner world that they may not even be so familiar with can most definitely make them feel insecure.

[@Coneman3]

I think they probably find us hard to work out. Also, we tend to observe people a lot before we open up, and we can be quite critical and direct at times, occasionally upsetting others. Also, our general open friendly exterior hides a deeper mind which may be seen as is being 2-faced when it’s just being socially pleasant.

[@Meenaia]

The 2-faced thing hits hard. Now, I try my best to give a disclaimer of my thought process so people won't be caught completely off guard if I feel forced to stray from my normally amicable behavior.

[@c.lstrife]

Hello Ren thank you for answering my question again and I'm glad that I'm giving you lots of good content or feed back because it's been interesting for me as well. What you covered in the video was pretty much what I thought as well when it came to jealousy and unnerving things we do unintentionally towards others. I find it actually true in my case, especially when I was a child, that I was very unnerving to adults and some children in my age group a lot. It's still the case right now that I'm an adult but instead they find me intimidating and back off (majority of the time) or they find me mysterious and curious about me (some of the time). Now it's important to say that I don't purposely look mysterious or intimidating, I mean, what is so mysterious of me going food shopping or sitting down at a restaurant, eating by myself with a book? They can clearly see what my intentions are: to live and to enjoy a space in a quiet manner. So that still puzzles me abit. If it makes you feel comfortable, I'm actually a woman, so I'm not offended that you think otherwise at all. Infact actually I got a small theory that Female INFJs have it a bit "easier," than Male INFJs when it comes to emotional expressions and creativity but have it "harder" when it comes to logic and reasoning. Here are some questions I have: 1. Do you find that people who seek INFJs are Red flags? 2. Why do we, INFJs universally hate being leaders and why is it always forced on us when we don't want it? 3. What sort of parent do you think an INFJ would be if they had children? 4. What were historical changes that are still in effect today because of a historical (supposed infj) individual?

[@TheArtofFlag-waving]

I can't resist not answering. 1.,Yes.

[@JakeLikesJoking]

This is totally unrelated to the topic, but that black turtleneck is so very French of you; it suits you. 😄

[@RensRoom]

Haha, thank you! You're in fact right I think because the tutleneck has been better received in France than in, say, Ireland. It seems people can see it as pretentious, or something. In France it's actually (slightly) connected with being gay, but that's fine with me.

[@IreneDoucet-z2c]

The way I walk and hold myself, the way I dress is enough for others to become insecure. For me it’s my confidence and willpower that makes others uncomfortable. Until I speak and then they tell me how intimidated they were.

[@TheArtofFlag-waving]

You need to retest your MBTI in a way that's honest to yourself because INFJs don't speak like this.

[@Staff_Sgt_Dignam]

Very nice comment about spiritual INFJ’s. Also interesting how you said there is only a small group of people that mythologise INFJ’s; when I was growing (decades ago) up it seemed *everyone* mythologized us.

[@gregreddick9109]

One of your videos popped up on my homepage yesterday and I gave it a watch. This is the deeper, richer content I've been looking for. I just ordered your books though Amazon and am looking forward to exploring this further. In the meantime I am taking a lot of notes. Thank you for doing this work, Renaud!

[@red-lj9gs]

Amazing, I never knew why people felt intimidated by me or my energy. I have always tried to see the real personality in people. I never bother to ask why, because i dont want to make other people feel uncomfortable, so i alway move the conversation on themself and not me.

[@Homeostasis.11]

greetings :x

[@mollydooker9636]

When I was a tennager I used to read peoples tea leaves and Tarot. I was very very good at it. And I didnt believe in any magic ability to predict the future. Looking back I could just subconsciously read people. Their fears mainly. That made a lot of people quite wary of me. Or overly interested. Both made me very uncomfortable so i stopped.

[@VeggieJohnx2]

How fascinating. So the intensity that is sometimes projected by (adaptive submissive) INFJs isn’t necessarily an intentional conscious thing, but is often related to the sense of self that might be at stake for the INFJ. Instead of getting the desired increased sense of self , connection, or acceptance from others, the opposite can sometimes happen, with those piercing intense eyes? 👀 Will adopting a Steve Jobs outfit or presentation get people to listen more and feel less unnerved? Or will that just be another strategy that falls short of what is really desired? For the adaptive submissive INFJ, it seems sad that the approach used doesn’t necessarily get them the acceptance and sense of self that they might desire, as if falling into a kind of fruitless path that initially seemed promising.

[@VeggieJohnx2]

So is the intense gaze a result of paying super close attention to others? Or is it an unconscious look that happens when really mentally processing in the moment?

[@archonofvoid]

I think I'm solipsistic infj. How do i improve my life?