Pornography and Intrusive Thoughts

[@prismatic1239]

Porn addiction has lead me to some deep holes, when I developed OCD it used my history in porn addiction to fuel itself.

[@sharangrewal3402]

When I tell you this has been my EXACT OCD theme for around 8 years, 8 YEARS! The guilt and shame around porn itself prevented me from seeking out help. This theme for me came with moral scrupulosity, an intense obsession on my morality, the morality & ethics of the industry, what that means about me? Etc. Etc. I don't even watch porn anymore, occasionally I will watch a video and the OCD starts up again so I am more at peace without it in my life (though this may be active avoidance but I prefer the peace). OCD has absolutely destroyed my life, and this theme with its nature has made me question things about my life I never thought I would have to question. I have even on occasion thought I was so "bad" for having watched pornography in my teenage years that I didn't deserve to be loved, that I didn't deserve to get married, that I have sinned and gone against God. It intertwined itself with all my values, especially the values I put so much importance on. Thankyou Chrissy for this video, I have not seen this theme spoken about often though I have come across many other people who have suffered this exact thing. I do hope in the future, with such a changing society, there will be more spoken about this theme.

[@StuSiney]

Same here for 25 Years straight !!!! God that is hard to say

[@furioustv5850]

That's a long time without having a break... Your 'active avoidance' speaks to me.

[@smackedinthejaw]

I am trying to drag myself away from porn as well, even "softcore" porn. I did recently do so for 47 days but sadly relapsed. It is basically poison for the mind IMO. I wish I had never even gone near it, but whats done is done, there is only the now and the future.

[@jimmyboy6992]

@@furioustv5850

[@jimmyboy6992]

i don’t think there is anything wrong with looking at pornography. i’m 89 years old. i think it’s added years to my life. when i don’t want to look at a beautiful girl. i’ll think it’s time to check out.

[@eternalzane]

I started having an OCD episode today about this exact topic so this video couldn't have come out at a better time for me. Thank you.

[@Joel1998_]

I've been going through this exact issue on and off for a while. This video is very helpful. Thank you for all the OCD awareness you spread. You are a lifesaver.

[@almarquez5906]

Thankyou Chrissie for tackling this topic. Porn, including books etc, as well reallly triggered, inflamed my OCD. All the issues you cover really hit the mark as part of my lived experience with OCD. Still struggling with it after 20 yrs. I stopped using Porn awhile ago because it wass just liking pouring petrol on my OCD themes. Actually contacted you a couple of years ago about this and attended a few peer support groups. All helpful but this a very sticky issue and deeply ingrained in my OCD.

[@Blodreina45]

Okay… so I’m not the only one who dealt with this. You give me hope, you make me believe that I don’t need to die, because, yes, it’s got to that point recently. I don’t want to, but I started to think the only way out is to die because I’ve messed up my brain.

[@gabrielliberman8247]

Thank you, Chrissie, for making this video. You seem so accepting and nurturing. I have struggled with porn and my OCD around it for over 35 years, with a particularly acute period of nearly 15 years dealing with Internet porn and it's unique impact on my life..... One's newfound ability to open multiple Windows tabs at once, viewing simultaneously a seemingly infinite amount of content, leading to a stimulation overload.... Which all majorly affected my OCD. I truly love porn and all the possibilities and intimacies i feel it engenders, even if they're merely on a screen. When in it's grip it's blissful, escape is real and there's nothing i want more. But then afterwards, it's not so much WHICH porn i watched, or which identity i might have assumed, but it dumps fuel on the fire of my OCD (as you said). I have a particular obsession about food and chemical cans. I view them as the ugliest and most dangerous objects in the world. In my obsessions i see and feel myself harming my loved ones with them as weapons. I feel intensely the edges of the cans and their "horribleness" digging into my armpits as i hit my loved ones with them. It's a completely immersive experience and is a nightmare. Unfortunately, porn exacerbates these for me and watching it has brought on intense, horrible bouts of shame and panic through the years. The shear pleasure of porn is absolutely the dichotomy of the deadness and awful ugliness of these cans. It is this facet of porn and sex: after the blissful highs of sexual arousal which are heightened by porn, my body and sensory awareness experience a calamitous drop in arousal, and the result is like a hangover, the normal "depression" or emptiness which happens after orgasm, but much more enhanced and immersive. And my OCD mind keeps ruminating on my horribleness from the imagined cans with which i smashed loved ones either during the porn session, but especially after when all the arousal is gone, and I'm left with nothing but shame. My solution the last seven years or so has been to watch much less of it. But particularly helpful lately has been to set rules of watching videos only once (or twice if within certain guidelines) per month, and looking at pictures twice a month. This has solved a large amount of the guilt and allowed me to continue enjoying porn without nearly as much guilt. If it's watched within a set of guidelines, any guilt can be mitigated and released because I'm under the protection of those rules. It's been so helpful. So are you helpful for talking about this. Thank you again.

[@mac_tier]

Hi Chrissie, you are incredibly brave talking about all of this. You are really making a difference in people's lives including mines. Thank you.

[@StuSiney]

Porn was the trigger for my ocd. Feeling guilty and that i can't just think about women and porn all the time..

[@sunnymassey2077]

Jesus love all ❤️🙌❤️🙌

[@anapaulaorozco7602]

I just watched it,and then I didn’t feel a lot of groinal, but when in checked I was arosed, and I touched myself to prove to my self that I wouldn’t orgasm but when I did I felt such shame, fear and constant thoughts of this wasn’t a compulsion you wanted to, then you are, then I cried and got stock in a 20 minutes loop between changing scenarios in my head to try and see what felt more me but I ended up feeling so confused and kind of nasty and anxious because I did come, I remember my therapist saying it was normal that maybe I could even get a powerful one because of all the anxiety and feeling are doing physically to my body and I’m trying to hold onto that I can’t help but thing that I’m awful and I’m not like I thought I was and it has me spiraling.

[@ברקלוי-ס6ז]

The best solution for this is to quit porn for good, there is no other way to tackle this.

[@alphapatriot9010]

Psychological vocabulary while helpful isnt granular enough to penetrate the surface of whats actually happening in consciousness. Thought structures + emotions have specific densities and viscocities which are generally imperceptable outside of a meditation context. The ability of disturbing sexual imagery to stick around is like mud and silt at the bottom of a glass of dirty water. In the real world, water is often purified with filters and heat. Anyway, may seem metaphoric or abstract but these might be thought of as basic tantric principles. Tantra should be the religion of the porn obsessed world because its the only path which fully embraces this aspect of human consciousness with a useful vocabulary. Chrissie points to a metaphor of 'hole insertion might make you aroused'. It points to a complex metaphoric language which is governing consciousness and may only be able to be succesfully addressed using similar metaphoric framework -- hence the density and viscocity of thoughts and emotions. If it seems interesting, contemplate what might constitute purification by filters and heat. As Chrissie points out, Porn is often becoming about identity or identifying - do I like orgies, Am I a lesbian or trans??? But the sages always pointed out that truth is from non identification with ANY identity. Let that sink in. One love.

[@gabrielliberman8247]

Your analysis is very interesting..... Re the sages' dictum of non identification with any identity.... Do you mean that by choosing NOT to identify with something, we are reaffirming our own Identity? Or do you mean that by becoming peripherally aware that we AREN'T that, bc in the case of sexual preferences, it doesn't turn us on, then we are reaffirmed that we ARE this (I don't seem to like gay porn so therefore my heterosexuality is confirmed). Also I deeply appreciate your references to viscosities and densities..... In sexual arousal there is nothing more prescient than the ebb and flow of energy in our bodies and the resulting impact that can have on our mind's energies and then OCD and it's sensations of guilt or acceptance.

[@AyahuascaMagic]

exstacy is an infinite field which expands with non identification. 'being heterosexual' or any other identification is mud in the water. the ego magnetizes to identity not to establish but to avoid truth the only authentic way to understand consciousness is using the classical elements and the alchemical processes associated with them. earth water fire air. seems improbable until u meditate into them and find them defining the immaterial structures of awareness at every level. on a pracitcal level no one is going to do that. but its not secret. book after book describes this reality but no one cares to read or to practice. elemental awarness is the supreme science

[@joebrat6809]

I was addicted for over a decade, starting off with normal porn then escalating to trans porn to the point I started paying for onlyfans and custom content/video calls, then I had an episode of ED with a real woman and for 4 months I’ve suffered non stop intrusive thoughts that because of this content I must be gay. I feel a great sense of guilt, shame and disgust around it and the thought of having sex with a trans person actually horrifies me, in contrast I have bedded over 60 women in my lifetime and had an amazing sex life with my ex for most of our relationship so the evidence is really there that I’m not gay but I still have these thoughts in my head. I have stayed porn free for 5 weeks now and while I do feel better, more sociable, sleep better, morning erections are back and I’ve started exercising I still feel obsession and feel I constantly have to check photos of beautiful women to assure I’m interested. OCD does run in my family so it’s likely that but what’s the best way to stop this thought process?

[@thenativist7625]

I keep telling people porn is like a drug addiction. It escalates and escalates.

[@joebrat6809]

​@@thenativist7625 it does, i managed to have sex two weeks ago after a 6 month drought and even if the girl was average, it was the biggest relief ever and a big 'reassurance' that i am actually not a closet homosexual. I haven't relapsed so far, except a 5 minute look at some adult sites to 'test myself' , but i didn't quite feel the same arousal i used to. May be that's a sign the brain is rewiring but by trying to recover and admitting to myself i had a problem I have learned a lot about how addiction works.

[@whitneyhoustonstan2472]

First of all, your reassurance is that even for the trans content, you were attracted to the feminine qualities about it. And even if you found their “trans-ness” attractive that doesn’t make you gay. Me, a gay man, am not attracted to trans women, even though some of them have male genitalia. I have been attracted to trans men before, but I still prefer biological men. You don’t need to shame yourself for finding trans women attractive or tell yourself the thought of having sex with them is disgusting. You can have peace in knowing you find feminine qualities and female characteristics attractive. And I might add, sexuality is so fluid. Sure my label is gay, but I think a more accurate descriptor is that I’m attracted to masculinity and male-ness.

[@thenativist7625]

@@whitneyhoustonstan2472 lady shut up

[@joebrat6809]

@@whitneyhoustonstan2472 yeah i actually slept with a normal biological woman two months ago and it went fine, suggesting that i may indeed be straight after all. I've had a couple of relapses into porn, but that was predominantly straight porn funny enough (my addiction started with that so its really not that surprising tbh). Please note that I have nothing against the gay/trans/lesbian community and never had either, I am from a liberal family who were taught to accept everyone, so even if I came out as gay my parents would accept me, but it's not about that - it is more about the fact that our sexuality is an important part of who we are, and the fact I went from being the biggest nerd in school (who at that time seemed doomed to masturbate to porn for the rest of his life and couldn't get any girls, which I was often mocked for) to being a handsome party prince who had women fighting over him was just awe-inspiring to myself. Sadly in my mid to late 20s i suffered a number of setbacks (evicted with short notice, debts etc) which also put a lot of the women off, and adulthood started truly taking its toll on me so I used porn as a coping mechanism so its almost like what the idiots in my school when I was 14 said about me came true. I suffered self esteem issues and for some reason still didn't believe that i deserved to be loved, all my hot girlfriends moved on and settled with other men and didn't seem to be abusive or narcisstic towards them clearly having me thinking i was the issue all along.

[@rayn2209]

This just triggered me into thinking something gross. Now I can’t remember if I did something or not.

[@AndalusianLuis]

Hi Chrissie did one of your recent videos get unlisted or deleted? I can’t find it

[@tammymcinerney7153]

U are an incredible person 😌😌

[@StuSiney]

Ty for this video. So much. My guilt shame. Trigger. 25 years pocd!! Can i talk with you chrissie please

[@ace-2k8qa6]

Im crying right now and my groinals repsonses wont stop 😭😭😭😭 I don't like theae thoughs and im a hetero female😭😭😭 My body is tingling and im flushed and anxiously crying😭😭😭 It feels so real an im scared

[@unitydiversity2022]

Girl, sameee This is a living hell Do you wanna talk about it? Even I'm going through the same thing

[@ace-2k8qa6]

@unitydiversity2022 Hey! Sure, I always wanted to find someone to share my struggles with 💖

[@BOBINDUN]

I feel you G, it's really tough.

[@AnOkayDogDad]

I know this is old but I also am struggling with it right now, and it makes me feel like an evil monster

[@ace-2k8qa6]

@@AnOkayDogDad it does make you feel that way😔 it takes a very long time to come down from it all because it feels so real in the moment. Once it passes, you will be able to tell it was OCD. I hope you recover from the anxiety attack🪷

[@furioustv5850]

No, I don't have OCD (I never seen a shrink); actually I watched a doccie recently that said mental illness (medical) is a scam, but I find the concepts of psychiatry and therapy to be true and useful. I guess a compulsion is something that drives one then. While I was listening I wanted to add 'don't test yourself. Compulsion from the past, or obsession with it is real... Things do get past, the age restriction filters, deliberately or not. And btw, not only people having sex is porn. Perhaps the lesson is to really forgive yourself. You can't know what others or God thinks of your mess, but mercy wants you to leave the behavior behind. The good person inside is ever present. Note to self...

[@andriyandriychuk]

This works really well under OCD.

[@AaronOwzarek]

🎉

[@melvina9331]

😢 "PromoSM"

[@bobbyraejohnson]

The most watched eww