Pregnancy. Let's Talk 😢

[@nhouse7962]

When someone says they don't want kids, I always tell them it is good for them to know that now, instead of having them and realizing it.

[@MarianaTestamarck]

Yes!

[@pixieeames9105]

“It doesn’t make her any less of a woman” was what I really needed to hear off someone about not wanting to have kids, I got emotional hearing that! 27 and been with my partner for 6.5 years and neither of us want kids and we get questioned about it ALL THE TIME and it’s so frustrating. “Why not?” “You’ll change your minds!” I hate feeling guilty for it, it’s my decision and I shouldn’t feel ashamed or any less of a woman for not wanting kids. I don’t even think I can conceive, and that’s okay, and nobody’s business. Thank you so much for this video, I can totally relate to everything. Love you so much xxxxxx

[@tinkeramma]

My sister-in-law is in a similar spot. She adores her nieces AND her career. Motherhood isn't on the horizon for her. It hurts me to see her yearn for the same respect and consideration I get naturally as mother.

[@Scrappicat]

My husband and I are childfree and we love it. We've been married for 18 years, we love each other so much, we love to travel and spend time with family/friends. I'm a retired teacher and we were children's ministry directors at our church for years. We also have 5 grandnieces and grandnephews ranging from 2 to 9 (husband's side). I love not having my own kids. Don't feel guilty about it. Enjoy your time together. I used to tell people that I enjoy other people's kids but I don't need my own. Most people never said anything to me. They probably thought I couldn't have kids.

[@Erdf3542]

I‘ve never understood the argument that not having kids is selfish. Surely not having them when you‘re not ready or not sure benefits those children more in terms of what they deserve.

[@MinnieMousey06]

having kids when you know you're not ready is more selfish, imo. kids deserve the best in life and deserve parents at their best.

[@elliotwang2687]

“not read or not sure” tho :’/

[@PaNsY2215]

I don't want kids ever and I don't think I'm selfish at all. I have many mental health problems and don't want to bring a kid into the mix to those struggles.

[@Erdf3542]

@@elliotwang2687 what do you mean?:)

[@elliotwang2687]

@@Erdf3542 oh yeah sorry my comment got messed up ☠️ I meant to type ready not read. But what I meant is that by your wording (“not ready or not sure”) that you imply that women can’t be sure of themselves not wanting kids still implying that we will always want them. Women can just not want kids :/. It’s not that we aren’t ready, it’s not that we aren’t sure. We are just sure that we don’t want them.

[@sassyjj]

Waiting until you are ready is a very considerate thing you are doing for your future children. Also, I am 39 and decided not to have kids at 27 never changed my mind. So many people are visibly disappointed when they ask about it and I tell them my decision. I so love my freedom and the choice I made for my life. I appreciate you speaking on this 🙏🏻.

[@hayhaywilly]

I am 39 and never wanted them either. Thankfully my husband was on the same page. I am glad to be nearing the years when people stop asking because Mama Nature closes the oven. 🙌

[@dawnbassett6926]

@@hayhaywilly unfortunately the question changes to “why didn’t you have kids?” People are so damn nosy.

[@curldreams877]

I have been with my partner for 18 years. I have never wanted kids and neither did he. We are both 37 now, and still don't want children. Why do something so life changing you dont want!?! X

[@KMT-jb5mv]

This was interesting. I was an older mom. I was married young but I didn’t want kids until I was passed 30 and when I was ready I had difficulty. I hated all these questions at every stage. I know couples that struggle for 10+ years and finally end up being moms in the 40’s. I also have a friend who was almost 40 and decided to be a single mom because she wanted to be a mom but there was no dad. Everyone has a story…. People need to stop these personal questions.

[@rosielowe9650]

I think there's a huge pressure on having more than one child. I have one beautiful daughter (17 months) and almost as soon as she was born, the amount of people who ask 'when are you having another?' It drives me mad because I'm honestly not sure if I want another baby and if I do, it's certainly not right now because my daughter is my priority and I had a very difficult pregnancy (hyperemesis gravidarum) and I'm just not ready to take 9 months of my daughter's life and be a terrible parent to her because I'm too sick to care for her as I normally would and she isn't even old enough to have any understanding of why Mummy is sick and not able to play with her like normal. But it is so hard when people minimise that concern with all the comments such as 'oh but it'll be worth it in the end' or 'she needs a sibling so you just have to get on with it'. How about, just leave me alone to enjoy my daughter and life as it is without always implying there's something missing in MY life. Great video India and thanks for talking about these things! It's really great to get these discussions going and make them less taboo because they really can cause so much hurt for people.

[@Laura-vs6fs]

I think it's so weird to push people for another child, especially when the first one is still so young. It's like society wants you to put all your attention on your child and nothing else, but at the same time forget about it and try for another one immediately. I wish you and your family all the best doesn't matter if you'll stay a family of three or have more children 😊

[@alison8606]

I have a daughter who will be one soon and people ask me all the time when I'm having another. I also had a difficult pregnancy and would definitely never have another kid again because of it. But for some it doesn't matter how the mother is doing physically or mentally, just pump out another because imagine what might happen if you have time for yourself! Lol. I love my baby girl and have no interest in dividing my attention between her and a hypothetical child. As the oldest of 5 I can tell you it's really easy to get lost in the hoard of siblings and feel invisible. Just let women have as many or as little kids as they want, it's no one else's business but yours.

[@stonesandashes8898]

I had hyperemesis too. I seriously felt like I was going to die at some points. I love my daughter more than anything but definitely not in a hurry to have another one any time soon! If at all.

[@mysonruns]

I think you & Daniel are very wise to wait & concentrate on your careers! Children will require your full attention as you mentioned. Don't let society or anyone make decisions for you.

[@indiabatson26]

Awww thank you for your kind words 💛💛 you are so lovely !!!!

[@kita3256]

I agree

[@GenaMarie]

Love that you’re talking about it these topics! 💕 I’m in the same boat as you, been married for almost 2 years and we’re both so happy child-free at the moment and being selfish with our time, money, etc in this stage of life. Approaching 30 soon and there’s always so much pressure.

[@indiabatson26]

I totally hear you. I’m so glad y’all are enjoying being kid free right now!! that’s fantastic. If y’all decide to have kids, you still have plenty of time. My mom didn’t have me till she was 34 and we are super close!

[@greenpaint2266]

I wish I woulda had kids earlier. here I am 30 yrs old with 2 kids and feel too old to have anymore lol.

[@megalopolis2015]

Building a strong marriage now will help you later once children come into the picture. A solid foundation is built on faith first, and a Loving, strong, united set of parents secondly.

[@elizabethcarroll8526]

Exactly! My husband and I were together YEARS before getting married in 2018, then waited a few more years before trying for a baby. I'm 30 and he's a few years older, and our baby is due in October!

[@elizabethcarroll8526]

And the Southern family asking when you are going to have kids....I felt that 😂😂😂

[@Fl_Sunshine91]

I had my daughter at 22 and honestly knew from after having her I didn’t want anymore I’ll be 30 in December and still feel the same a lot of ppl always say “ you should give her a sibling” but I’m content with my life I was a only child and was completely fine. This was such a great topic to discuss ❤️

[@sanabell9983]

I’ll give a caveat to never ask about where someone is on having babies, etc- never ask if you’re not ready to show up 100% for whatever the response may be. “I don’t want to have kids” “that’s great that you realize that now. Having kids is a lot of work and if you’re not 100% sure you want to do it, you can’t turn back on that decision.” - “I miscarried” “I’m so sorry. What can I do to support you. Even if you just need someone to sit with you as you scream, I’ll do that.” And continue to check in with them. Just don’t ask questions you don’t actually want the answer to

[@tinkeramma]

And if you're not close enough to get every answer, you're not close enough to ask.

[@Rayogrl]

I always dreamed of and planned on having children, but God had other plans. I'm older now, and still my heart yearns for what never came to past. Children, and the decision to have them, or not, is deeply personal, and most women just need to feel supported, no what what their decision is.

[@crystalsea5895]

I'd love to have kids one day however I do not want to be pregnant. I just really want to adopt. I'm still really young so I haven’t mentioned this to anyone before and I'm just very nervous about their reactions.

[@Laura-vs6fs]

you can try talking to some friends or family that you know are open to these things. Like kind of stir the conversation in that way, but without mentioning that it's what you want to do. Most people are completely fine with it and don't make a difference between biological and adopted children. My friend is the same as you and I fully support her and as pregnancy is hard on both the body and mind, adoption is a heck of a process too. Personally, I would like to have 2 biological children at most or at least just 2 pregnancies as twins can happen at any time, if I can have them ofc. Maybe if I have a chance adopt a child, possibly an older child, not a baby. I think 3 children would be the max for me

[@musikluver]

That's amazing that you want to adopt! There's nothing wrong with that at all and I hope that if that's the route you decide to go when the time comes that it all works out

[@fishtaylfertility]

I have a friend who says the same thing. It's valid! No shame in that.

[@tiffanyheilman6119]

That was my same exact mindset when I was younger! I ended up having 4 kids but I still would LOVE to adopt rather than become pregnant again.

[@Scrappicat]

Adoption is such a wonderful thing! Don't worry about their reaction. I hope you get to do that.

[@taraball1030]

I would also like to bring out the topic of actually losing a child and someone saying "well at least you have 2 other children"... Almost mom shaming for grieving because I should be feeling so blessed to have other children...We lost our son at 18 months and this was said to us exactly!!! We were blessed to have our girls...BUT also devastated for the loss of our boy!!!! Let's normalize everything!!!! Lol. Sorry to get so dark! Loved the video!!! ❤

[@reginakerr5297]

💕💕💕

[@kita3256]

First of all, so sorry for losing your son. No amount of children can take up the place of another. And you have the right to grieve. I had 4 miscarriages and I have had 2 children and I’ve been told this too. It sucks. I can’t even imagine having your child for 18 months and then one day not. Big hugs. And sending my love.

[@sarahhamdan5470]

Don't apologize for that🥺 your feelings are valid, at any age losing a child is devastating, it must be so difficult, being a mother and also having to deal with greiving while others bring you down, i just know you are very strong and your children are very lucky, stay strong and take care of yourself💕

[@rozbudell]

I’m so so sorry people have said such awful things.

[@taraball1030]

@@reginakerr5297 😘

[@CupCaked]

You are VERY smart to be having this conversation with yourself and your new husband, very wise to think this through. Never be afraid to say no to kids at any point. I’m 73, came across your channel because of my curly hair 😁, I have no kids, our choice, both of us are only children, and I’ve always been very happy with that decision. I think if I ever had decided to have kids, it would only have been one. My other half feels the same way. All of what you’re experiencing as a newlywed vis a vis I’ve experienced, from the constant questions to having women hand me little slips of paper with fertility doctors names on them. They mean well, but quite frankly, it’s not their business. Good luck to you, keep being thoughtful. I have a feeling you’ll make wise decisions going forward.

[@frankiegrenier7301]

I didn't think I could have kids and had a happy surprise at almost 40. It was a VERY hard pregnancy and an emergency C section. God works in mysterious ways. Good for you taking your time and focusing on what works for you. I pray it happens when you're ready.

[@indiabatson26]

I’m so happy to hear you were able to have a child 💛💛 praise god !! Thank you for sharing

[@sharonk-o9u]

This is so amazing to hear!!

[@mimistans7715]

I am 67. I have two beautiful daughters. Due to carrying them so low, my tummy still looks like I am pregnant. People have FINALLY stopped asking me when my baby is due because it’s obvious I am way too old. But all through my 30’s and 40’s I was asked “oh when is your baby due 🙄”.

[@allisonr4054]

so thankful for this conversation!! I myself have started to doubt if I do want to have kids and have felt so guilty about it. It just seems like something we as women “have to do” or are expected to do. I think it’s important to recognize that it is a choice and it’s okay to choose not to have kids.

[@aprilc.3697]

I love your honesty! I’m with my boyfriend for a while and I’m now too old to have kids. Honestly I didn’t want to have children years ago and used to feel bad about it and used to feel like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to have kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Let’s just accept that & stop judging each other. ❤️‍🩹

[@maureencoppi4584]

The “how many kids do you have?” Is a hard one for me. I’ve had 4 babies, but we lost our third baby the day after he was born due to complications during my pregnancy. I always say “We have four children” but then they always ask where our fourth is when we’re all out together. Then I have to explain what happened. I love talking about our Augie💙👼🏻but I’d rather do it on my own terms, not because someone is questioning me about how many kids I have. Just like you said, let the person share the information with you. It’s never asked with malice, but you really have no idea what someone has been through and how your seemingly harmless, simple question will make them feel. Thanks for talking about the hard stuff❤️

[@AngelaVEdwards]

That's a good point. I would personally like to know if the person had a child who may no longer be present but I also understand if they are not ready to tell me that. Most of us are fine with what answer you feel is best to give. We're not here to judge you.

[@nikkid8834]

I've heard it said, 3 earthly babies and 1 in heaven

[@crissys2angels900]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost two daughters shortly after birth and have two living. I feel your pain. ❤️

[@maureencoppi4584]

@@crissys2angels900 Thank you❤️I’m so sorry for yours as well. I’ll keep you in my prayers🙏🏻

[@sarabjorklund7564]

I love that you take up such a sensitive topics. I personally am 31 soon 32. Single and happy. People asking me daily when I'm gonna meet "the one" . And when I'm gonna have kids. What many doesn't know is that I have endometriosis. And probably never can have kids.

[@sha-rongamito5752]

I had my kids in my late 30's. Don't let people pressure you, do it when you are ready. Yes it's harder when you're older but by no means any less special.

[@KatjeKat86]

Thank you, for telling people not to settle. I have not found my person yet and I remember when I was still in my early twenties, I had family tell me I needed to start lowering my standards because I would be alone. I would rather be alone than with someone that I don't enjoy spending the rest of my life with.

[@myrahoffart1429]

Thank you for being so open with your girl talks! It’s like I’m talking with a sister or a bestie ❤️💕

[@indiabatson26]

Hank you for listening 💛💛💛💛

[@courtneypreston4009]

I’m actively TTC, and have been trying for almost a year. It is heartbreaking when you see all the other mommas announce pregnancies, and you want one so, so badly. I hope one day my day will come to be a mom, and I can stop feeling resentment I don’t want to have towards women who totally done deserve it because it just came easier for them. Sending baby dust to all the other women on the same boat.

[@peachmelbawaffle]

Sending baby dust right back to you! It’s so hard, but hopefully things will happen when the time is right! Thinking of you!

[@rebeccazeman9309]

Baby dust to you! This was me for so long so I completely feel this. I ended up having to go through IVF(and my entire savings to pay for it). It's so emotional and so devastating to see people get pregnant when you can't. Sending prayers your way for that precious baby that you deserve

[@eclockard]

Ah first like. Love you India, you’re amazing 💕 I’m 26 also and pregnant with my first baby, due in January. This video is so fantastic, thank you for diving into all of the different ways that women can feel about motherhood! I think it’s so important

[@indiabatson26]

CONGRATULATIONS BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!!!! So happy for you 💛🥰 thank you for listening xoxoxo

[@eclockard]

@@indiabatson26 thank you so much!! 😭🥰

[@_jandjdesigns]

I’m due in January too with our first baby!! 🥰💕 Congratulations to you!!

[@eclockard]

@@_jandjdesigns Aw yay congratulations!! So exciting!!

[@ComfortingGrace]

Love this convo! I would love to hear your mom's story through her path to motherhood. My husband and I got married when I was 24 and I wanted to have kids right away. Well, we tried for years and found out we could not have bio kids. We then took the path of embryo adoption and now we have one beautiful 7 year old son (had him when I was 30) and 5 babies in heaven from failed embryo transfers. I can totally relate to your mom being asked why she only has one child and that being painful. It was a hard path, but I can now look back with gratitude of so many things and a new perspective on life and people's struggles in many areas.

[@jackiemorris9346]

I teach child development at a high school and I always stress the importance of never asking if someone is having kids or if they are having more kids. Anything else my students learn may be forgotten but that is a life lesson that I want them to take away from our time together. Tough topics, but should not be taboo to talk about because we are all human! Everything you said was spot on. Thanks for posting!

[@Diana8Matienzo]

I love what you touched on in this video ❤️ Adding onto what you said about not addressing even an "obvious" pregnancy unless prompted, we never know the circumstances behind someone's pregnancy; meaning that not every pregnancy is a happy one. I'm learning to be mindful of my biases and assumptions, and I thank you for sharing these perspectives 🥰

[@sharonk-o9u]

I'm 35, not married and on the fence about egg freezing. I read that the IVF treatments may increase the risk of ovarian Cancer. My mother passed away from ovarian cancer and since I'm already a slight increase risk because of her I've decided not to go the egg freezing route. I will either try to have children of my own when I'm with the right partner or will opt for adoption

[@luckyDancer100]

Here’s a really cool video about the myth of fertility- kzbin.info/www/bejne/bIqsq2ygj7WtrNE

[@MinnieMousey06]

you can always get a sperm donor too!

[@rebeccazeman9309]

I just went through IVF and my doctor said this was a myth. Idk if it is or not though

[@gemmarobins94]

I got a lot of questions about when my husband and I were going to have kids and all the comments even when my husband and I were only engaged! It bothered me a lot because I wasn't ready and wanted to wait! 3 years later and now we are expecting our first child and couldn't be happier because the timing's right! God is good!

[@indiabatson26]

I’m so glad you waited until you and your husband were ready. CONGRATS ON YOUR BABY 🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@gemmarobins94]

@@indiabatson26 thank you!

[@FormerlyknownasPonti]

Speaking from personal experience, I feel like if you suffer from infertility, you're considered "defective" and not a true "woman". I didn't want kids when I was younger, but I met the love of my life and that changed. By the time we were ready, I was nearing 40, and people were like, "Well, if you didn't wait so long..." Wish some folks would keep their inside thoughts inside their heads!

[@sairatrehan913]

Thank you for sharing such a non-judge mental and open view of this topic. I feel like it is not discussed enough and you approached it with such kindness and tact.

[@camillefaith2005]

This is such an important topic and conversation, especially for us Christian ladies. I don't know if I ever want children either and that is a reality that a lot of women question, but because of society are pressured into not listening to.

[@judiegarnett2644]

I love the fact that you are so honest about you and Daniel and not having a child yet. It is VERY important for you guys to do what works for you and that you have your priorities in order. And you guys do.

[@ruthvanmackelenberg1095]

Thank you for bringing this out in the light. I didn’t want children until I had been married 10 years, then found out that I was infertile. We tried everything, but no success. We were pressured enormously until my husband snapped and told his cousin “We’ll have kids when we can get more than $10, 000 for them”. No questions since. Thank goodness. 💕🤗🇦🇺

[@sophiebotello4751]

My whole life I’ve always wanted to have kids. Now that I am in my 20s and I still wanna have kids but I haven’t met the right person yet. It’s hard to make the decision not to settle sometimes but I ultimately know that God has a plan and he is in control. I really want to have kids though so it’s very hard to wait sometimes for the right person.

[@nessapie23]

Yes and after too many Mr. Wrong for you’s, you just stop trying and then now with covid it’s even harder. College just went back to in person and it’s only my second day and I’m sick. Not sure with what, it could just be a cold but it does make me that much more nervous to try and date right now.

[@lacigarcia8946]

I always love the "I don't want kids" topic... for years people told me I would want to have kids later on. Nope. I found the right guy, but still had ZERO desire to be a mom to a human baby. Instead, I foster dogs and I love my fur babies! Be happy with what you want in life, just support everyone.

[@deanaskeen6710]

Oh my goodness! This completely spoke to me. I'm fairly thin but once I hit 24-25 I gained a little bit of love around my tummy and hips if ya know, ya know. But I have gotten asked so many times if I'm pregnant when I'm so NOT. I've also been judged for not wanting to have kids at all (although I'm kind of still on the fence about it for a variety of reasons). And then if course because my hubby and I have been married 6 years (he is 30 and I'm 28), I get asked ALL the time "se when are y'all gonna have kids". I agree with you - there are just questions that should never be asked. Wait till a woman volunteers that information to you and then LIFT HER UP rather than criticize her for her choices or for things out of her control. Love your channel and how you share God's love and light to your viewers ❤

[@charissaeden9604]

Everyone’s life experience definitely determines their decisions on when to have kids. For me, I chose to have kids young because my dad died when I was young, and part of that definitely went into that decision because I wish I could have spent more time with him. For my best friend, she grew up very poor and wants to have kids when she’s older so she can be very financially established. Everyone’s life and their story is so unique, and we can’t judge another person for their decision because we haven’t lived their life 💜

[@daniellewetherell8609]

Thank for this India! I once fell in the category of women who wanted to have a kid but hadn't found a partner yet. Many of my friends were married and pregnant with their second child and I was in and out of long term relationships. It broke my heart that the choice to be a mother might be taken from me ...that I might time out. I'm happy to report that I have a beautiful 5 year old daughter who was born days before my 38th birthday and an amazing husband. I didn't settle. At 42 I'm now menopausal. It happens early in my family, so I almost missed my chance. My heart goes out to any of those ladies looking and losing hope. Hang in there and I hope you get your happy ending too!

[@justjessent]

YES INDIA! We need to talking about this more, please make the video about miscarriage. Its such a hard thing to live through. I personally never wanted kids, then i got preg, and came to terms with it, got exited even, then miscarried, and it was a loss i didnt understand and still struggle with. I love being a Step-mom though, it is so underrated as a parent role. I raised my sister basically and have had two sets of step-kiddos that I love so much. It really is such a sensitive topic that too many people are afraid to talk about candidly. Thank you so much!

[@Cooper810]

I lost my first son back in 2008 it was the hardest things I've ever been through in my life, but God blessed me and my husband with 2 beautiful daughters in 2009 and 2013. We couldn't be happier but we still think about and miss our baby boy😔

[@Jenn80109]

Love this video! I have two rainbow babies. I waited until I was 33 to get married and felt like my biological alarm clock was running out. I ended up getting pregnant on my honeymoon and had an ultrasound 6 weeks later. There was no baby, just an empty yolk sack. I was devastated! I had to have a D&C done because my body thought I was pregnant but I wasn’t. I got pregnant 3 months later with my oldest son. Then I had an ectopic pregnancy 6 months later. 4 months later I got pregnant with my younger son. They are 19 months apart and such a blessing! My marriage didn’t work out but I can say that I am happily married to the love of my life now and he is an amazing step-dad to my boys!

[@madivirden443]

A big Amen to you girl. I agree with literally everything you said as far as reasoning and from a Christian perspective. 🤍✨

[@kirstyfigg6552]

I was in my hairdressers a few weeks back and OMG the awful look I got when the topic of conversation came round to kids, and I pipe up an mentioned that I don’t want kids. The response was seriously why don’t you want kids. I just don’t I can’t see myself being a mum. I also work for children’s services in the UK, i think this has also contributed to my decision.

[@emiliadonoghue6770]

Always want mama Batson on the channel. 😀🥰 And I would absolutely love to hear her story! I’m so happy you’re talking about these hard subjects. My husband and I only have one child. We wanted two or three but after two miscarriages close together and a horrendous pregnancy quickly after that and then a few really tough and intense first few years of his life neither one of us wanted to go through that again. For about 3-4 years I was quite heartbroken about it because I felt so guilt about not giving out son a sibling but I love our little family just the way it is. The only time it stings a little now is when all the mums at his new school talk about how many kids they have and ask about how many we have. But really I couldn’t be happier and feel so blessed to have two people I love so dearly in my life.

[@trendykyndy]

Thank you for talking about all of this! I am 30, approaching my 5th wedding anniversary, and my husband and I are still very much in the “we don’t know” phase when it comes to kids. We both feel a lot of pressure about it from many sides, so it’s always nice to hear that it’s okay that we’re still not sure!

[@nicolemyers296]

I just had my first in December, always wanted to be a mom. This will likely be my only child because my husband and I really can't afford to have more. I do have a step daughter who is 7 as well. As much as I want another we shouldn't and it hurts to know this will be my only baby, but we have to be responsible. We are finally at a spot where were comfortable financially and having another child would unfortunately change that. People always ask when we are having another(shes only 8 months first of all) but when we say we aren't, people say 'ahh come on! It's not that much harder to have another one.' It sucks because so many people just have kids and cant afford them(no hate) but we are trying to be different and make it so the ones we have don't go without. People really just need to mind their own business. Thanks India!

[@jujubugloveshugs5529]

I wasn’t able to conceive for 3 years. Married 3 before we even considered trying. I watched friends and family members all have kids in that period of time. Finally got my miracle at 31. People don’t realize their questions and assumptions can hurt. I think people speak without thinking and it’s good for them to hear what words can do to you.

[@KaylaNatalie]

I became a mom at 19 (completely planned pregnancy) and people ask me all the time why I decided to “throw away my 20’s”.. my babies have added so much joy to my 20’s that I can’t imagine not having them. I had secondary infertility with my 2nd baby and while I was TTC people always asked me when I was going to have another.. that sentence stung!

[@windyacresfarm1122]

I was diagnosed with infertility within the second your of our marriage. I was told I couldn't have kids on my own. But for 4 years we were asked over and over when we were having kids. I finally got my miracle after 6 months with the fertility doctor...only to miscarriage at 7 weeks. A year later I fell pregnant with my rainbow baby!...and then it happened again 7 months after I had my first God blessed us with 5 kids in 6 years. I am now a mom to 5 kids....but 9 years ago they told me I couldn't have any!

[@Mayegn]

So, I have severe PCOS and my doctors have told me I likely will never carry a child to term and if I do it will be a difficult pregnancy and potentially dangerous to my life. My partner and I gave been together for more than a decade and decided not to try for children, but have also decided not to get married because it will invite questions into our life that will be upsetting. If we change our minds we will look into adopting.

[@reginakerr5297]

Thank you for being real… this is a hard subject. I am a mom of 3( through marriage and adoption) they are still my children regardless how they got here… my husband and I tried natural, tried in vitro, miscarriage after miscarriage…I still cry sometimes ten years later. I have to remind myself that God blessed me we three beautiful children. I love them unconditionally. I do just that, unconditional- they are my babies ( grown adults now, but my babies). Thank you

[@S0ph1e_007]

Personally I don't really want children because I don't think I'm ready emotionally and in general, I have Tokophobia ('pathological fear of pregnancy and can lead to avoidance of childbirth'). Whenever people ask me why I don't want kids and I say I'm scared they just go around making fun of my 'phobia' which is really down-putting and obviously I've been told I need to meet the right person and so on. Who knows.. maybe I'll change my mind maybe I won't and I don't wanna be judged in either circumstance. Ofc people will be asking why don't I just adopt, not only do I have a fear of pregnancy but I don't want to welcome a child into this world where I'm not fully ready, responsible, stable, etc.

[@lise-annenadeau8519]

I did not know that fear had a name. You are not alone. If I was not the one dealing with the whole pregnancy… I would have but I’m so scared of the whole thing… you are not alone

[@barborawittich5359]

Young mom here! Had my son when I was 24. I was comfortable with my decision. My husband is older than I am so his friends in early 30 do have kids same age as we do but our friends of my age they don’t have them yet and that’s absolutely ok… it’s on everybody what they want to do. Their choice. My pregnancy was complicated and even though we want to have second child we are not sure if I’ll be able to so we repeat ourselves how blessed we’re to have our son. Also lot of our friends want to have kids but don’t have a partner and some choose not to have children and the biggest issue is the judging society basically for whatever decision you have made… that needs to change because we should not feel guilty about our choices or what we want

[@amberrosem5079]

I love this video, thank you ! I have been married for nearly 4 years, and always get asked "when are you having kids".... but unfortunately we cant, due to circumstances (cancer and surgery). Its heartbreaking that so many people judge and make assumptions. We need more people like you to talk about this topic. And it's ok to have or not have babies, its a personal decision. Keep doing what your doing, it helps many people xx

[@Ashley92090]

I had my first child at 22 and my second at almost 25. For me, I’m happy with that decision because my children are now 6 and 4 and I’m loving this stage- I’m loving being able to hike in Switzerland and keep up with them , but that’s not the right decision for everyone. I will admit, my focus shifted entirely to my children after I had them. 100% Of my heart and soul is focused on them. They deserve it 🥰❤️ I’ve been married almost 8 years and it’s been amazing for me. ❤️🥰 But it’s so responsible to know you’re not ready for your focus to shift like that!

[@aidanreed6748]

This video was amazing, I love the way you approached these topics and gave your thoughts and advice. I also want to have kids really bad but need to wait due to health and the need for more stability in work and life. I’m glad there is another community available for women to talk about their wishes and struggles relating to pregnancy/kids, so thank you for giving us that!

[@caitlinbeacham2875]

Thank you for talking about these things! After I had my daughter three months early in July, she was in the NICU and still is. Strangers would ask me if I’m pregnant and I’d say no and that I just had a baby.. then they’d ask where she was. They meant well but it was/is such a sad sensitive topic for me

[@blacklily1894]

A while ago people kept asking me when I was going to have kids and then tell me I shouldn’t have kids until I’m near my 30s. During that time I had experienced a pregnancy scare and the relationship with that guy crumpled and I was super sad because it felt like as if I lost two things, I realized that I did want to be pregnant. They would ask me because my sister had gotten pregnant so for some reason they thought it was okay to ask me these questions. I don’t feel sad now and I am happy I didn’t have kids with that guy but at the time I felt otherwise. So yeah don’t ask people when/why not they’re having kids.

[@trista5792]

Married in 2016, miscarried in 2019, rainbow baby in 2020. I had NO IDEA before my miscarriage that 1/4 first pregnancies end with an early loss. I was heartbroken and felt so alone, but yet like I had to protect OTHERS from MY loss. As if my loss was taboo. Losing a baby is not a taboo topic, it’s a tragedy that should be properly mourned, not brushed away for fear of offending someone else. Now I acknowledge that for other parents who have lost babies talking about loss can be triggering, but I genuinely don’t feel like those are the people who are offended by the topic in the first place. Ending this on a positive note- it’s so so important to be supportive, no matter what stage/situation people are in, and if you can’t come from a place of sympathy or empathy, then at least just smile and be patient with others- you’ve got no idea what’s going on under the surface.

[@somerparsons]

I completely fall into the category I’ve never wanting to have kids. I’m 21 now and since I was at least 5, I’ve never wanted kids. I’ve never changed my mind and people still say I will. I ALWAYS got and still do get the commit once you find the right person you will, I’m now with the man I will end up marrying, and my mind has still not changed. It drives me nuts!

[@erikalynn9334]

Thank you thank you!! Please please please do make an awareness video around miscarriage, I had a miscarriage in December 2020 and it was my first and I felt so so alone. So to those ladies who may see my comment if you are seeing this please know that you are not alone. My heart breaks with you, I may not know you but I love you. Xoxo 💗💗

[@lbwaters12]

When you were commenting about that last category, I was like “SPEAK IT GIRL!!”. I’m in that last category, single and not wanting children, plus to add to it would be the fact I’m 45. People still say those things to me. Makes me feel broken (I’m not), but it seems that if a guys want to stay single and not have kids then that’s ok. It’s a decision that should be discussed between you and God and no one else. (Stepping off the soapbox)

[@lizsee308]

Single and 30 here! I would love nothing more than to start a family, but God has not brought that person into my life yet. I am strongly considering fostering/adopting in a few years💞

[@moniqueopdeweegh9003]

Love this conversation! I don’t want to have kids and even got divorced because it is my choice! My ex husband eventually did want to have kids, he got remarried and I am an auntie now to their two beautiful girls! 💕 I always had to defend myself. Let everyone decide for themselves ✌🏻

[@lucybird8679]

My mum used to tell me; Children are so wonderful, that they can wait. I think it's great that you aren't rushing into this, in my opinion it is the hardest job raising a child/children. ✌🤯😍

[@cjdinkelmeyer]

Love this. Been trying on and off for going on 6 years. Happy you're talking about these issues.

[@JESUSROCKS921]

So I'm 28, a week away from 29, and single. I decided I'm not going to have kids for a number of reasons, many were listed in this video. A big one is I'm autistic with many other mental disabilities and I don't think I could be selfless enough to be a mom. Not to mention the chances of my child also being autistic would be there and I can see how hard it was for my mom so I know I wouldn't be able to do it! And I love kids!! They are a hoot and sweet and adorable so it's a bitter/sweet thing for me and it's hard when people ask if I plan on having any and I say no and they just say you'll change your mind 🙄 I just plan on being the awesome auntie who will take the kids for the weekend so you can have a break! It was hard coming to the decision and it hurts when people don't respect my decision. So thank you for talking about this, it really made me feel better! And a little emotional, but in a good way💜💜💜 Love your vids and you've really helped me with my wavy/curly hair!

[@kpupio1006]

Absolutely love that you talk about these topics!! 💛💛 I’m currently expecting my first child, everything has been going well and I hope it continues until my due date in February! I actually got married around the same time as you last year and I love that you and Daniel are choosing to really take this time to spend time together, grow and learn. My husband is older than me so he wanted them sooner than later which I was completely fine with because he’s willing to support me and our child while I carry the little one, work and continue going to school full-time! Everyone’s paths are sooo different and it doesn’t make anyone’s right or wrong as long as it’s their choice 💓💓💓

[@indiabatson26]

CONGRATS KAYLA !!!!!! IM SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU 🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ enjoy this time sweet girl !

[@Krystyna14]

I’m 26 turning 27 in September. Married 3 years. We’ve gone through PCOS and lupus. I have a ruptured ectopic that almost killed me and took my left Fallopian tube. Then I had a miscarriage and a year of trying later with 9 treatment cycles we start IVF next month it is so hard. I’m glad we spent the two years without kids but now we are ready, gone through loss, my husband is military and it’s been so hard. Most military spouses have kids young. Military events focus on kids. I hate when people ask us if we have kids. Thank you for discussing this hard topic

[@Aever1988]

I'm 33 without kids and for the past 10 years I've heard it all. I love kids and when I babysit, there's always at least 1 person who comments on what a great mom I'd be. I've been with my partner for a few years now, it's time to start thinking about the future. I'll change my mind anyway, everyone wants kids. My life would be meaningless and I'll never know true love and purpose without kids. I'm selfish for ending the family line. I'm selfish for not letting my partner pass on his last name, especially since it's a rare one. I'll end up all alone with no one to visit me when I'm old. How dare I not grant my parents and inlaws the honour of becoming grandparents. There are women who can't conceive so it is my duty to support them by having my own. Some have even tried to convince my partner to dump me so that he can find someone new who is sound enough of mind to do the normal thing and get pregnant. The list goes on and on. The saddest part is that I've become a pro in coming up with carefully curated answers depending on who I'm talking to and what they're saying, in order for them to shup up and leave me alone. One that's particularly effective is asking them if they'd ever considered I might be struggling with infertility, in which case they keep on reminding me of something I cannot have. I'm not, but it gets them thinking. People should really learn to mind their own business, and stop pushing their ideals onto others ...

[@jacc.7003]

Girl with the whole “are you pregnant statement” I’ve gotten that NOT because of weight gain but because I’m forgetful and use the bathroom a lot. Buutttttt no I’m not and have been trying for over a year and it sucked getting asked that because I was just thinking I wish and just felt like poo. Not to mention I did have a pregnancy loss as well during this time. So I get it. It’s a loaded question and can be triggering for sure.

[@marciaquinby5151]

I love to read these comments. So helpful. I had a chemical pregnancy two months ago (a month after starting to try for a baby). Since then nothing happened anymore. Two weeks after my lost, my best friend told she was pregnant, and her due date and timing was what mine would have been. I’m so lost.

[@sarahm1326]

I’m kinda late so this may get buried but this is a topic very close to my heart. My husband and I tried for about 7 years to get pregnant. I completely agree with all you said. People can be so nosy!! We finally found a way to pay for IVF and I’m now 14 weeks pregnant! Something you may be interested in including is the very common response of “why don’t you just adopt?” when sharing fertility struggles with someone. No matter the reason someone doesn’t “just adopt” I can guarantee that option has been discussed! Personally, I don’t feel like it should be all infertile couples’ responsibility to adopt the children. Adoption is amazing, but it’s not for everyone. We don’t ask people who conceived easily why they didn’t “just adopt” right?

[@ashleypeard4051]

Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I were married at 26 after being high school sweethearts. The “When are you having babies” questions started right away. We wanted to be more financially stable and wanted to travel first. We have been married 4 years, and are so happy we took that time for ourselves. We feel more comfortable and confident and hope to start a family in a couple of years. It is okay to be selfish during this time.

[@alicerenieri329]

Oh yes I can relate to your mother's reaction. I often get asked when I'm going to have another baby. I love my daughter and I really would love to have another baby but my husband absolutely doesn't want it. I try to explain this situation and next step is that people start telling me that "he's gonna change his mind" or, wich I think is awful "well, he doesn't decide it, you do your steps to have the baby, you know how to do etc..." The sad part is that even close female friends continue to ask the same question. I agree with you India, people should just stop asking about this topic like they're talking about going shopping. I have been blessed with my beautiful baby and I'm so grateful but this doesn't mean I can't suffer. Why women (because sadly most of the times women ask those questions) doesn't treat each other with kindness and respect?

[@Awakenministries]

Mochie knew this was emotional and brought his love to you and us! Aw! 🐩

[@hannah1052]

I’m 26 & over halfway with my first baby. I’ve actually never been the type of person who was dying to have kids. My husband and I dated for 1.5 years and were married for 4 years before trying to get pregnant. Everyone is so different but that was wonderful for us! We did college together, adventured, traveled, lived the “poor college kids” life, moved 3 times- the last one to another state, etc. Don’t worry about what people say, your life is yours & when your in alignment with God & your spouse you’ll feel confident in your choices & the timing of your life.💗

[@caitlinsolberg6410]

I don’t think I’ve ever commented on a KZbin video before, but this one really resonated with me. What hits home the most is when anyone asks if I’m pregnant. I’ve thankfully never gotten it unsolicited, but I swear ANY TIME I say I don’t feel good or reflect any symptom of anything ever, the first thing men say is “are you expecting?” And I’m sorry to say it’s always been men but from my experience it has been a hugely sexist comment. As if the only thing any ailment a woman is experiencing could possibly be is pregnancy. I called out from work one day due to stomach pain and my male coworker asked if I was pregnant. I told him off and his reply was “hey, gotta ask” and I absolutely lost it. It is so unbelievably inappropriate and sexist to ask a woman if she is pregnant for any reason.

[@tashalovesponies]

It’s so crazy how different experiences are in different parts of the country. I’m 27 and very recently pregnant with my first and no one knows yet except for my husband and I am the first of my friends by a long shot, and I wanted this so so bad and I feel so alone in my journey and I feel like this will isolate me from my friends in a huge way. I want to be a mom so bad but it makes me feel so different from my friends who don’t and aren’t anywhere close. So I’m the opposite and I feel weird! Just shows how different everywhere and every persons friends are.

[@christinewagenaar4770]

I am 19 years old. Single. I know I'm still young but I know that I want to be a mom someday. This has made me paranoid of not finding the right person. Thank you for making me realize that it's okay to wait and taking that pressure off me. I love your channel 💕

[@ameliastory5274]

First of all, thank you so much for bringing this topic up. I love that you're opening this conversation. I am dating the person I think (and hope) to marry, and my mom is already asking me, "Where are my grand babies???" and this makes me really upset because I am just starting my career and I would love to have some time as an adult where its just me focusing on myself. I would love to have kids one day, but I have PCOS, which means that infertility is likely for me. So I just don't know what to do or how to respond in a kind way when my mom asks me this.

[@MusicLover2379]

I am 23 and I have 2 boys a 2,5 year old and an almost 1 year old. My husband and I are done. My pregnancies were not easy and I'm still recovering from my second. I am constantly getting question when we will have a third and everytime I say we are done people are constantly saying but don't you want a girl yet. As if I can choose what my next babies gender would be. My husband and I have talked about adopting and I already know what the comments from my family will be because they have said " but you are fortunate enough to be able to get pregnant on your own." Dont get me wrong I am so thankful that God has blessed me with 2 beautiful boys but there are other children that were brought into this world that need a home and that need to be loved and cared for. Thank you for making this video India. It doesn't get talked about enough. People need to learn to mind their own business.

[@shir35303]

Wow, India, been following you for about 3 years now and I'm just LOVING the growth you've made and the super-intelligent conversations that you bring up! So first - thank you so much for that! I've been together with my partner for 13 years, since age 15.5. We're non-religious, so we moved in together at the age of 24 and have been living as a married couple ever since. We also got officially married a month ago (and it was surprisingly fun!👰). In regards to having children - we've been getting q's, comments, and "encouragement"s to do so since I was about 22. I'm now 28, turning 29 in 2 months and we still don't feel like having them. We do feel like we would probably want kids someday, but as you just said, not yet. I got a male colleague asking me if we aren't just tired of each other and want to spice things up with a baby (Srsly!!). Except for the social pressure, and the fact that I think my husband would be super cute as a dad (we're uncles so we have our nieces and nephews over a lot and I love how he is with them) - I currently don't want kids. We're very focused on our careers, and we love what we do. I want to be able to focus on that, focus on traveling together and on our love life. I resonate with you a lot!! Thank you for making space for other women ❤️

[@TheSbaty]

I’ve been married 11 years and thanks to health issues for years I didn’t think it was a smart idea to have kids but when I’d tell ppl that I wasn’t having kids they’d try to make me feel guilty. Also as my friends have had kids I’ve been pushed out of their lives like I can’t possibly have anything in common anymore which unless all you talk about is your kids just isn’t true.

[@LeopardPrintZebras]

This might be a little off-topic, but I love your relationship with your faith and how you practice Christianity. I was raised Catholic, and though I don't personally identify as such anymore, I still have much love for the church for being place of healing and support, because of people like you. Thank you for pushing the point that Christianity is definitely about love first and foremost, and even though we may falter and sometimes judge, we are capable of correcting ourselves and be kind and supporting of others. It's especially important for women!

[@rmac8737]

I feel a mix of all of these. I never met the right person, I was on birth control but fell pregnant, only to have to terminate pregnancy due to chronic illness, then once I was healthy again, my relationship ended and I was on my own again. Now I'm in the right relationship but I have to have a hysterectomy. Egg freezing isn't an option. I've been told I've failed as a woman. Its awful. My partner and I are thinking on becoming foster parents. Not ready to go into adoption as i feel at my age now its not what we want to do, but feel like we could open our home to kids who need a safe space. I've had some awful comments due to having no kids at a young age and terminating a pregnancy that prevented me from getting treatment....people are horrible and judgemental. I appreciated this video. Thanks

[@JM-ig4ed]

What an excellent posting!! Love that you do serious topics like this along with all the fun ones. You're a kind soul.

[@jamiesale1096]

My husband and I were married young and have been married for over 2 years now. I want children, but I wanted to enjoy being married, so I started birth control but it messed with my emotions so radically that I had to stop - but when I stopped my period symptoms got worse to the point where I have to take 4 ibuprofen and 2 extra strength Tylenol to not feel this pain. I stopped because I realized I desperately want to be a mother. When I mention that I’d like to be a young mom, jokes are made about just wanting to “not have period symptoms for 9 months”. That’s not true. So far, my husband and I are not trying but we also are not-NOT trying and I hurt because not only does my body hurt each month that I don’t have a baby, my heart hurts more and more. 💔

[@kaitlinmastrantuono7216]

My parents were older when they had my sister and I. My dad was 40 and my mom was 38. My mom doesn’t regret it at all. She lived her life first and made sure she had a good job to provide for a family. My cousin just turned 39 and is having her first child after being married 12 years. She and her husband told everyone when they got married that they weren’t having kids. I just found this out now but they did that to avoid the questions about babies. They wanted to travel and do what they wanted to do as a couple first. I’m 25 and single. I want to be a mom someday but there’s no time stamp on it for me. When I meet the right guy then we’ll talk about it. Like you and Daniel have. I’m also open to adoption. My dad was adopted and I think it’s a wonderful thing. I wouldn’t be where I am today if he wasn’t adopted by my grandparents.

[@Rebel_Vamp1r3]

I am one of those who messaged you about not wanting to have any children ever! Not only because I really can't afford to and it's a nightmare of mine to become pregnant, but because of my gender, the fact that I was assigned/born as a female doesn't necessarily mean I identify as a woman, nor that I conform to that (or any) gender and the decision of bringing a child to this world given my mental health, economic lack of stability and especially now that we're facing both a pandemic and the climate emergency I don't think I could bring them free of guilt.

[@moriahjoi]

I love this video so much!! I had my first son at 17 and got all the young mom hate. Now at 26 have 5 children. But I've also had 6 miscarriages. I get ask so much if I know how making a baby works. I've gotten nurses telling me it's a good thing I have other kids so the baby I miscarried didn't matter. Or I get people asking when I'll have the next to catch up to my parents who have 8. Like you said, none of these things are okay to say or ask. Couldn't love your message more than I do, thank you!

[@indiabatson26]

Oh wow !!!!!! I really appreciate you sharing this. so beautiful that you have such a large family 🥰 what a beautiful blessing !!! And I’m so sorry for you children you have lost ❤️ you are such a strong woman ❤️❤️❤️

[@rebeccas9488]

I am 47, married for 20 years and no kids. My husband decided after 8 years of marriage (and 9 years of dating) that he didn't want kids. We had always talked about it and he said not yet, we don't have enough money. When I was 33 or so, he gave me the bombshell. I sort of thought that it would happen by accident (and I did have a very early miss once, I think) but it didn't and we never investigated infertility. At my age now, I don't want to have a baby. But I do feel left out of groups at church and in other areas of my life. I don't fit into the mum's group, but I'm too young for the older ladies group. And whilst they are welcoming to me, I don't know what to talk about as I work full time and they don't. So it's a struggle at times.

[@nettieo9556]

I have a few of these situations... I have never had kids of my own but adopted my step son and everyone always insists I need "one of my own" b/c it's "different". I have never wanted kids of my own and want to solely focus in being the best I can be for my step son. Then on the other side of things I hold my extra weight in my gut and have been ask countless times by total strangers when I'm expecting 😑

[@SwavyBlonde]

Oh dear India, this video resonated with me on so many levels. I had goosebumps and watery eyes several times watching this video (probably because I'm about to get my period, so I'm so sensitive haha) but hey, you spoke to my heart! When I got weight over the pandemic and me and my husband got married in the town hall with limited amount of people (literally only witnesses were allowed) people would be asking seeing the pictures if I'm pregnant. That made me so furious as 1. They are assuming that we get married only because I got pregnant 2. They are commenting that I got so much weight that I look like I'm pregnant. You are so right saying that people cannot have kids more than one if they have "just one". My dear mother had to do an abortion after giving birth to me only because we were so poor, we couldn't ever sustain another kid and that breaks my heart but it's the reality.

[@smith33racing]

You did a great job on this sensitive topic! Going into marriage at 25 I sensed I would have infertility issues. My husband and I started trying right away. Multiple surgeries, two years of infertility meds and IUI’s, 8 miscarriages including my son’s twin brother, 5 IVF cycles and we have one son who is now a teen. My heart hurts that my body didn’t allow me to carry another pregnancy or use our frozen embryos. Using a surrogate isn’t the easy answer to that situation like people think. It is expensive and so many risks. Since the day we were married, people asked when and when it wasn’t happening they told us to adopt, relax, go on vacation or it wasn’t god’s plan. When we finally did have our son, the questions began again about when we were going to have another. People make snide remarks that he can’t grown up an only child, etc. There are perks to only having one! We have traveled more, he is spoiled rotten and we are able to do things with him we wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise if we have more. ❤️

[@blairkincaid5295]

I had a miscarriage with my first baby, and I have my two miracle babies came after her. But when people ask me how many babies I have I say I have one in heaven and two here with me! It's definitely a sensitive topic and I would love to hear your mom's story!

[@rebeccazeman9309]

I just went through IVF and finally am 15 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. It took me years to get to this point. I honestly wish I knew more about fertility when I was younger.

[@brantlywarren]

I’m in the same camp as you and i always go back and forth on the guilt about being selfish. But i also feel like it would be worse to have a child when my husband and i are wanting to focus on us, if that makes sense.