PROS AND CONS OF THE CHAOS GODS | Astartes Anonymous Podcast #9

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The Bonian Heresy - imgur.com/a/3CEzIL0
00:00 Intro
02:52 Models of The Week
06:18 The Bonian Heresy
10:58 Nurgle
21:11 Khorne
30:53 Slaanesh
38:25 Tzeentch
48:17 A Message From Tom
Intro/Outro Music By georgeNrat

[@Le-cp9tr]

Praise Malice, Lord of the anathema, Herald of Hypocrisy, Anarch of Contradictions, Father of Discord, Ruler of None and All, and Bane to all that is Chaos

[@Fiteme69]

Sounds like heresy

[@philiphamel8504]

Sounds like the Emperor

[@cjdugan7138]

Sounds like Malal, the true god of chaos. For he has no rules. I wish he was canon still he is so cool.

[@mirromarnicco3162]

​@@cjdugan7138Malice is Malal in everything but the name.

[@alexedwards3954]

Hail the God Emperor of Mankind, lord of order and tyranny. The Anathema.

[@DustyTheKitty]

Born to sh!t, forced to wipe. Nurgle: You shall no longer be burdened, my child!

[@gabrielathero]

Nurgle: Stench and emptiness. Khorne: Kill cowards, get shredded! Slaanesh: Just wanna have fun. Tzeench: Play chess, f*ck with everybody.

[@3volution636]

Nurgle: Born to shit, forced to wipe

[@NerdMafiaSV]

23:10 The khorne worshipper in me came out when he says "he must bench buildings on leg day" YOU DON'T BENCH SHIT ON LEG DAY, YOU BENCH ON CHEST DAY! HE FUCKING SQUATS SKYSCRAPERS THO

[@ricy802]

"I had to stop wiping my ass, because I can't let shit bother me." -Nurgle worshipper

[@antihero615]

The Ka’Bandha/Cowabunga part with Michelangelo 😂😂😂

[@lachlanmacrae1779]

It's worth mentioning that the Khorne hyperbolic time chamber gym is actually a really positive space, the bloodthirster personal trainers have really good at their job, they know what your limit is and wont push you past your physical capabilities, but will get you to do your best. And contrary to popular belief, it's open to every force of chaos, (though the selfie gaurd gator does exist) it's just that people only ever hear about the bad experiences, which is sad because alot of the followers and deamons who go here are pretty chill, I've met a lord of change who will give you some ambiguously philosophical life advice whilst he benches double his weight, and I spar with a semi-professional Slaanesh kickboxer. Hell of a looker, but damn does she have a nasty left hook.

[@juicydraconian2628]

yeah, I have also been there, great unclean ones are suprisingly muscular under the bloated rot, also belakor runs the fencing classes there on sundays

[@falconstudios146]

The fencing classes are great! As a cultist of Slaanesh, it can be hard to find accepting spaces to keep myself at the top of my game with my overly-ornate sword.

[@riedenstien9799]

Blessed comments 😌

[@masterofspam1408]

"Sooo is skull fucking a Khorne thing or a slaanesh thing?" GFDI XD I almost spit my beer acroos the room. Instantly I get this mental image of slaanesh fucking Specifically Khorne's best skull collection, and the warp shattering rage at it's discovery.

[@AutisticDumplingMan]

Ayo wtf

[@pookiemaster]

A pro about nurgle is he genuinely loves all of his followers and views them as his children (not 100% sure about the children part) and gives them his gifts (plague)

[@chr0mg0d]

and a painresistance induced joy resulting from said gifts. grandfather is best for sure 😁

[@Des-rh9zn]

On the topic of chaos alligators there’s a line in Saturnine while describing the chaos mutations wracked upon the world eaters they mention some began to resemble *fresh water reptiles* so just imagine a charging alligator jaw snapping Bezerker

[@Th3_Only_Spider-Man]

Now I want a sub-chapter of salamanders that are just fire breathing gators

[@DragonsHoardOfPlastic]

I'm gonna say it now, I _will_ be making a Khorn Juggernaut rider that's on an alligator instead. Seraphon range coming in clutch. Also, based Bionicle Enjoyer moment.

[@urgereturnz6540]

Based

[@BirdRaiserE]

I clicked not because of Slaanesh, but because of Tzeentch's whack-ass pose

[@enclavesoldier7728]

Nurgle: Born to Shit, Forced to Wipe

[@master-of-frogs5415]

Unironically want to start a khorne army after this purely so I can proxy a demon crocodile in for a bloodthirster or something, maybe green stuff some possessed dumbbells for my chaos marines

[@HydraDominatus_XX]

I’m glad I watched an almost ten hour bionicle lore video before I watched this

[@MootsTheFunnySwede]

Only ten hours? They must have condensed it quite a bit then

[@samuelleon4822]

A side note Florida has both alligators and crocodiles.

[@samuelleon4822]

Another note Gators prefer freshwater and Crocs prefer saltwater.

[@judahsmyth5398]

Nurgle: immortality through the endless cycle of life death and rebirth, a favorite of those who might die to disease Khorne: Valhalla, a favorite for brawlers of all kinds Slaanesh: Cenobytes i guess? good for the hornis Tzeentch: constant changing, never being bored with your body, maybe also getting some neat mind powers, good for tricksters or just people who don't give a f

[@SeanCrosser]

I don't think Nurgle has anything to do with rebirth, just the surety that all life DOES die and rot. Maybe the rot brings about other life but not everyone gets to be a butterfly. Like otherwise all top-level Nurgle adherents would be clean newborns that have gone through the cycle, and not perpetual rotbags.

[@antonymash9586]

There is a warp crocodile in cannon. I seem to recall one taking a bite out of an ultramarine.

[@FifingFossil]

Crokey!

[@dukedevlan5457]

​@bazejpolitowicz6609 we must get the digredoo to calm the beast

[@titusamante2662]

in the book Legion I believe. took a bite out of an Alpha Legionnaires leg.

[@ghostparty2062]

At first, khorne was the one I'd least want to worship. But if it's constant brawling to amon amarth than sign me up 🤘😂

[@garrhettroebuck8402]

Speaking of Bionicle and 40k my buddy once showed me this game called Barranai Nui. Some group called Red Star Games made a tabletop wargame set in the bionicle universe inspired by 40k 8th ed.

[@spork6264]

You see the only reason the guardsman got that bad of a deal is because he prayed last minute and didn’t mean it he just wanted to save his skin

[@zephodb]

I had a Nurgle + Slaanesh army combo with demons and marines back in the day... they were the STD warriors. >.> This was way back... Plague Marines for Troops, Noise Marines as Heavy Choices with blaster masters, Daemonettes moving around and Nurglings to hold objectives. >.> Don't forget, Papa Nurgle loves everybody, wishes to bring them things to make them stronger, and is just full of (horrible) gifts... Also he's a Symbol of Immortality... >.< I like Sorcery & Tzeentch too... but only one of the four main chaos gods is just an asshole, and that's Tzeench.

[@harvestblades]

That's pretty hilarious & could see grandpa pay have fun with Slaanesh planting a STD into a cukt & watching it spread like wildfire.

[@3rdCharcoal]

I turned on a new 40k channel and the first thing I heard were death threats... excellent just how it should be

[@Mistheart101]

Btw those art pieces of Nurgle and Tzeentch are made by Klaher Baklaher. You'd think that art would be official with how often it gets passed around in fandom spaces but nope. Fan art. Funnily enough though he does actually work at OwlCat now, apparently, and also did art for Total War: Warhammer

[@adelapetruzelkova5159]

Khorne is literaly steroids, you get super strong But it destroys your sanity

[@wargriffin5]

@16:20 "Nurgleville" - It's pronounced JACKSONVILLE...but yes. 😉

[@hiromitsumoonblossom8682]

Pro, they give you actual POWER, unlike a certain mummified corpse. Con, you get screwed up by demons. Pro, you get eternal life. Con, you'll look weird. Pro, you can experiment and create new inventions without fear of execution. Con, uuuuuuuh... Pro, we got some cool shit in here. Con, hold on a sec. Pro, We have entire worlds made of cookies. Con, okay that's pretty sick.

[@HumbleMemeFarmer]

Con: the cookies were baked by Nurgle.

[@hiromitsumoonblossom8682]

@@HumbleMemeFarmer pro: Nurgle beat Gordon Ramsay in iron chef.

[@user-BadUsername]

Honestly, I would buy the kill cowards get shredded shirt

[@zerospurgatoyabyss]

KHORNE YEAH KHORNE KHORNE KHORNE

[@Wolfdev07]

Well time to make alligator marines

[@deadeye9439]

Based on my personality: Im diffinately an Iron Warrior bastard mixed with World Eater autism

[@judahsmyth5398]

i'd most likely end up as either a Nurgle follower of some kind by accident, or a random non-psychic member of the thousand sons (they're the ones where those not psychics are just the suits right?)

[@darvog7160]

17:10 now I need a Khonite arigater in my world eater army XD

[@nikolthomas2544]

Crotalids are warp gator/croc things in the lore. Yes I know you were talking about a normal one being chaos-empowered, just pointing out it's not a far-fetched idea.

[@Erroneous-404]

Scarbrand Gym Bro

[@halfknight2310]

24:40…. Oh by the gods. Now I’m just imagining this. The marines in Baal are all like on duty. And then a marine is like, “brother, you hear that?” As they look up at the sky and there is just a flaming ball coming down from a warp portal. And they then just see, Ka'Bandha falling from the sky down upon Baal screaming as more demons fall. And they’re all chanting, “Cowabunga it is!”

[@deadeye9439]

Dante: *GLORIOUS DEATH!!!!!* revs up chainsword with hatred and malice

[@halfknight2310]

@@deadeye9439 he then somehow survives. “FUCK!”

[@sbrunscheon]

I decided to give this a try. What the hell was I thinking.... I'm awaiting your next podcast.

[@drvgxn4719]

This shit was funny as fuck.

[@asfm2]

STDs are a Nurgle vs Slaanesh battleground I think.

[@cyrusmann5443]

true

[@temba92]

35:00 I fear that under Slaanesh you are the one whos orifices are getting man handled. At least under Nurgle you have a chance to become a family man. In the Book "Lords of Silence" people where born, worked, created families, worked some more and died inside the ship "Solace" all while having all kinds of illnesses.

[@jameshill3427]

27:35 Angron's were broken and perpetually played baby shark

[@kharnathaxefather4283]

This made me laugh my ass off!!! I listened to you guys as I cut up a piece of tree in my yard and when Red said Kha'Bunga I almost had a stroke!! Keep these coming please y'all got a sub and a fan. Hopefully I'll have time to join the chaos on Discord at some point soon 😂😂😂

[@halfknight2310]

When I heard that part. I was imagining this. A bunch of marines on Baal are on patrol when they hear something. They look up to see a warp portal and something falling. And it’s just Ka'Bandha falling from the sky down upon Baal screaming as more demons fall. And they’re all chanting, “Cowabunga it is!”

[@diggman88]

On the topic of Florida, they have both. There are American alligators and crocodiles in Florida

[@josiahernst9103]

24:38 I put this here for my own memery

[@grey9803]

Florida has alligators and crocs

[@aurasentinel1373]

Found the creature. The Crotalid. They can Warp travel in canon

[@aurasentinel1373]

Also featured in TTS!

[@urgereturnz6540]

Defeated by kitten and Magnus on their way to the imperial palace

[@Levi-rk6pv]

Korn death llamas and nurgle plague alpacas

[@urgereturnz6540]

Yes inquisitor this video right here

[@havefuntazarasu5367]

😂

[@thelaughingrouge]

🤣

[@3volution636]

GAINS FOR THE GAINS GOD!!!

[@MsBarbarette]

Waffle House is still around in the 40k universe in my cannon and the Waffle House scale is still used by the inquisition

[@Dunkopf]

Waffle house is eternal

[@AutisticDumplingMan]

…and it has a new host

[@jadedstonedmonkey]

Bionacles now

[@jadedstonedmonkey]

Okay a Korn gator is legit terryfing

[@doot_slayer]

Speaking of Dragon Ball, Khorne is literally perfect for the Saiyans. If they were in 40K they’d pop out another one of him, there’d be 2 Khornes except one would be a Golden Oozaru probably

[@nylster7156]

Discovered you with your shorts, wasn't sure to watch all the podcast but damn, your alchemy was very communicative !

[@ThePrinceOfSpace413]

21:00 I mean... the Florida gators.. kinda

[@mistertaz94]

Ah the bottom bitches of the Crimson Tide and Bulldogs 😂

[@ZanaTheBatPony]

Not gonna lie, this ain't what I was expecting when seeing a vid about the pros and cons of the Chaos Gods, but I had a blast watching this!

[@Neddicus]

I need some "Born to shit, forced to wipe" merch right now

[@StDomBz]

This. But it's a great unclean one being attacked by grey knight whose scrolls and everything are toilet paper

[@decaffinated_soup9681]

khorne seems like the chaos god of a fun time

[@rubricmarine6857]

I use a crocodile for my faction icon. I run thousand sons.

[@rowanmacdonald1424]

Hell yeah

[@virtualhimeji462]

Just an average night lord

[@LordGown]

Imagine a alligator that could take down a trex and khorne-ify it

[@randomgamer4730]

My Brother in the emperor, the biggest rival of nurgle is tzeentch

[@chuckhoyle1211]

I have bankers boxes filled with lego from when I was a kid. Yes... kid... I'm an engineer so I need them for professional work. Honestly...

[@MootsTheFunnySwede]

Based honestly

[@ilovecake172]

when you said a korn alligator I could stop thinking about I SCP 682 managed to get into Warhammer they would instantly become a champion

[@mikesnyder3317]

I dont think scps would be nearly as impressive in the far future where there is only war. I PROMISE you if the foundation can catch and contain the hard to kill heretic a space marine squad would absolutely stomp him. Full stop

[@HuntedHydraGaming]

Wanted to add to the whole alligator discussion first as an Aussie with Crocs, bigger and scarier Second, the older forms of the gators in Dino time iirc was Sarcosuchas And third, warhammer has their own gators, they literally travel in the warp and are called Crotilids (Spelling might be wrong) so imagine a chaos Warband with some of those

[@clint_yeastwould9053]

The fact marduk was mentioned 😂

[@joaoguilhermeassim]

Cabanga & Libyedo, best Daemonic duo

[@Waabbrr]

missed a massive pro of slaanesh, the strive for perfection.

[@NerdMafiaSV]

IS NO ONE GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW THE YELLOW BOI SAID GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN WAS A TINA TURNER SONG WHEN IT WAS A CINDY LAUPER SONG??? THEY'RE NOT EVEN THAT SIMILAR AS ARTISTS!

[@dergunter1237]

both are trash

[@Goblintracker]

Ike Turner was 100% worshipping a Chaos god, either Slanesh or Khorn. He banged every woman he could while on every drug, he also almost beat Tina to death on multiple occasions.

[@TheInvaderDax]

Khorne keeps their skull collection clean. Or covered in blood. I do not think it is a crossover thing

[@IHaveAName1824]

This was a trip

[@BlackTemplar679]

Khorne khorn korn chorne corne corn

[@chadthompson3003]

KORN FOR THE CORNFLAKES AHAHAHSVSMSAHNALM

[@notme9816]

BLOOD FOR THE KHORN FLAKES!

[@saucep3747]

That alligator space marine chapter idea is too perfect. Imagine, the Carcharodons being rumoured to have Night Lord gene-seed, the ''Deinosuchus'' chapter could have Salamander gene-seed and keeping with the mutation plagued successor chapters of Salamanders they could all have similar traits to gators instead of the black skin they'd have skin so tough it can stop Bolt shells and their chapter master could just flat out look like Arkham Asylum Killer Croc WHO IS 11 FEET TALL!🤩

[@Josynx]

The Swedish name for the reaper: Lululemon

[@RedDuke03]

Kill Cowards, Get Shredded. I want this shirt

[@ItsFourLokoFriday]

make that shit some merch.

[@Hutch138]

@Astartes Anonymous Amazing show guys. For real tho, make the shirt.

[@sparkeykills1]

Really sad to see that the nurgle worshiper wasn't there... I know nurgle is disgusting but theres so much more to it than what you guys are saying it is. Go read the lords of Silence book and then come back to me, and nurgle loves all of his children. Only one of the 4 who wont just outright betray you for shits and gigles, maybe khorne also.

[@Nostroman_Praetor]

Ave Dominus Nox Brother Bones!

[@VacadoRay]

32:49 time to raid the cartel drug stash and do all their drugs

[@philiphamel8504]

While Im a Xenos player at heart, I gotta give it up to Tzeentch. I love me some eldritch horror

[@Goblintracker]

38:14 Cyndi Lauper sang “Girls just wanna have fun”. Tina Turner was married to Ike Turner, who may have been a devotee of either Slanesh or Kohrn. He cheated on Tina with every woman he possibly could while being high on everything. He also damn near beat Tina to death on multiple occasions.

[@Joahhs]

You know, now that you mention it... Bionicle would do pretty alright as a faction, if they used like peak Bionicle, regular ass ones like the toa Mata would get bodied easily but like. The Bionicle God beings, they'd stand at least a little bit of a chance.

[@ohim6777]

Great spirit vs the emprah 1v1

[@Joahhs]

@@ohim6777 You mean, the men of iron?

[@Neddicus]

They will now forever be Khorn Dogs in my head cannon

[@xJadeWolfxx]

I just started watching you guys and was pleased that Swedish practice might occasionally pay off. As for spelling its "Liemannen". :3

[@Zivon96]

Bionicle episode when?

[@RedPandaGod01]

Slanesh actually kinda does the opposite, you get more numb to thing over time nothing will satisfy you and it starts of nice will all plesure but the longer you worship the worse it gets till you have the worst possible self loathing and horrific existence imaginable.

[@pongwong5463]

Hecking incredible

[@countsnowyofgwainn3996]

Praise be to Slaanesh. I can't wait for this to come out lol

[@NuketheDuke]

Can confirm that was Leman Russ's advantage 43:48

[@user-BadUsername]

Now I want to 3D print gators and make them into flesh hound proxies, bc I am starting a world eater army

[@MartinJustin-zn8ih]

Bionicles

[@Varangian777]

Floridas team is the Florida gators

[@machetepenguin2361]

“Depends on where you stand on showers” For me personally it’s out side

[@exteriorcobra1575]

I think I’m gonna now add a tank top to a blood letter and have it say trainer on it.

[@kevinbaumhoer7359]

Yes Iquisitor this. Video hier these Heretics talk about those now shall Not be namend

[@reihkanslerjeleshka232]

Lads, i think that you lost one major con of Slaanesh, after some murderfucking you need more and more to feel something, and after long time you feel nothing, because you surpassed almost all limits of your body and you dont even know what to do next to get high, and that the moment you suffer not in pleasurable way.

[@michaelcollins4534]

Still better than being a rot monster

[@kamilszymczak7726]

Love this podcast. I almost choked while laughing

[@PopcornSonata]

Great episode! Super funny and I only just noticed the alligator in the bottom left of the thumbnail, awesome

[@nicktp1214]

Transformers and bionicles sign me up Also i have boxes or parts but not full bionicles i am ashamed of myself

[@MartinJustin-zn8ih]

I love bionicles

[@rifffamily5591]

39:42 We got some birds

[@trolrtkorjkhgjdn]

Red reminds me of Michael from the American office in the scene where we see him in his improve class

[@richardknight8338]

Yooooo. Did you guys hear that a guy DID get busted using the Morse beads? They caught him because of the mess in his tub where he put them in