Q&A excerpt : Taking Care of Difficult, Abusive Parents

[@blisteredblues1255]

Compassion has to have wisdom. This is brilliant. Without wisdom you set yourself up for resentment.

[@Maggasekha]

yes this is an ancient understanding in Buddhism, I'd go so far as to say the famous compassion of the Buddha is something that literally arises from wisdom, not separate from it. Either way you are also correct to bring up the danger of resentment, a valid point that I never connected to regarding having wisdom, thanks for that.

[@animetsystudio9841]

I'm 22 old years female where I find my parents always having petty arguments...I've never seen my papa talking sweetly to my mom...he always used slangs...and as for me when i was in my teens days I was constantly getting my self-respect and self-esteem insulted...like taunting me for having friends and being over possessive when I went out with them...he is the reason I've lost many friends who were really good with me and understanding...when they used to invite me or plan to hang out that too we used to ro rarely bc of our studies...he always creates drama by being overprotective like you HAVE to come home by this time, even if you have guys friends avoid them, you should only used this much amount of money and no shopping...I do shopping but only on occasions...just because I'm financially depended on him and my mum is house wife...he don't give any right to us...forget me but atleast my mom to use home money freely...my mum has never ever shopped for herself and went to any beauty parlors...he even gave her the restriction that she should only wear saree at house or even at functions...even his relatives are toxic as well...they bullied my mom b4 I was born and the cousins indirectly looted my mental peace away when I was teen by manipulation my dad to be overprotective of me like always checking my phone to check whether I have bf or not, not to make big grp circles and not to over groom yourself and telling me absurd sentences "be simple living and higher thinking" (hypocrite where he himself lacks)...and for mom is more worse...not to make any friends and meet maternal relatives for limited only concentrating on this life and attending his relatives side only...due to which arguments causes everytime...he was not like that when I was kid..he was real father to me....all thanks to his sister and law and her children who are aholes and also the people who bullied my mum bc she married him...at 1st place they never wanted my dad to have an independent life and only serve them till their death...bc at past we were joint family..even my grandpa hated them and always protected my mum but since he died they took advantage of this and captivated my papa by turning me and my mum against him and degrading our self-worths....my mum would've already divorced from my dad but she's is enduring for me bc she wants me to be successful in life financially and mentally...she already told me...I won't be caring in future if he even died...bc I'm enduring him for you since 13yrs..and file his toxic relatives by law....and I'm myself working hard for myself and my mum to have proper freedom where we both will be free form toxicity. But the problem is my mental health is getting ruined sometimes I feel like my patience of endurance is finishing and loosing hope..what to do is such case? How can I keep myself calm? This environment has made me envious when I find other people having good relationships even though its friends or family....I also received friends who made my life hell by making me too lonely...now I'm over it but sometimes it still pains me out...I also don't have any siblings which I can share my pain. I clearly know my heart chakra is blocked..and sometimes I feel high level of panic when I get too close to ppl or fall into any arguments..but I'm working on it bc i want to be better version of myself...but i want some of your guidance how to deal with toxic environment in home..bc I don't feel like a home there.

[@Maggasekha]

hello, this is a bit too deep a topic and discussion for a youtube comment section, perhaps send me an email and we can talk more - [e-mail]

[@amanda2276]

Wow I’m an only child too and it seems like we are living the same life!!!

[@animetsystudio9841]

@@Maggasekha I would love to but as I'm not earning yet idk you charge for mail counselling and I don't own any online payment methods.

[@Maggasekha]

@@animetsystudio9841 Well it is important to understand that Buddhist monks are not licensed counselors, however monks don't charge for any teachings and speaking with people that they do. You are welcome to email me as you wish.

[@animetsystudio9841]

@@Maggasekha ok then I will email you...tysm for the concern.

[@chilloften]

My mother is outright abusive. I refuse to keep trying. 😘🙏🦋🌺🌲

[@monicaleond]

This is beautiful. Thanks to this man.

[@monicaleond]

How do you recommend to protect ourselves?

[@lolabow5421]

My Mother was encouraging me to commit suicide yesterday. After drinking wine to deal with my extreme pain I scratched her car twice - This is really really out of character for me. She is holding my money which was being ‘safe kept’ she will now not give it back so I cannot escape. Very difficult to meditate beyond this situation.

[@Maggasekha]

Nat Mas, yes this is a very difficult situation, especially if you are a minor. Are there any adults at your school you could talk to? Try to find wise adults who can help you get the support and help you need.

[@earthling4everr]

Hey so this is insane.

[@whatsgoingonwhy9096]

What is your answer to the question pertaining to the Buddha and his treatment of his parents? I asked you a similar question at the Bhavana Society about the Buddha's life that you did not end up answering. He abandoned his wife and child, as well has his parents in order to take the path in life he did. But, from his own teaching these actions would seem to be unwholesome for anyone and generate negative kamma and results. Did the actions and teachings of the Buddha somehow create enough positive kamma to erase the results of his abandoning his family, or is something else going on. Is there anything you know of in the Suttas, Abidhamma, or commentaries and sub-commentariesthat would address this situation?

[@Maggasekha]

Sorry for the late response. I'm not familiar with abhidhamma and commentaries but there is nothing much in the suttas that addresses him leaving his family. I have three comments in response for you to mull over. The first is that the Buddha did what he did out of compassion for all beings, including his family. secondly that the family was well situated and taken care of, he did not leave them destitute or anything like that. And thirdly all of his family members ended up becoming awakened, not a bad consolation prize.

[@angelbehave23]

He didn’t abandon lol He left But provided for him a whole kingdom And came back after enlightenment to which Buddha realized that kind of love was an attachment . The name he gave his son meant fettered Like bondage lol which is why most of the enlighten ones don’t have children .