Q+A: Letting go of Gifts, Hoarding & Homesteading, Fear & Guilt when Decluttering

[@ginnydeluzio3223]

My Mom always said "Our house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy." As she had 5 children in the house and a disabled husband and a full time job, cleaning was not a priority. So I never learned to clean, but I have been making great progress with decluttering and I feel so much better and the house feels so much cleaner.

[@ramonalofgren5552]

My mom said this too, and actually made and framed a liquid embroidery of it! Growing up our house was definitely not decluttered. Everything had a home, but there was furniture along every inch of wall. I grew up thinking everyone kept everything, especially gifts. My autistic son was attached to everything. He is 28 now so he does the one in two out rule. He understands he can’t keep worn out shoes and holey socks, etc., and has come to terms with the logical rules. In his younger years he was too overstimulated to do any decluttering on his own. I’d box up some stuff and put his name on it and put it in the basement. I’d show it to him and he could ask for anything. He didn’t ask for many things but the only way I could get rid of the box was to say it is going to his younger brother. Then when he was a teenager I could say we are donating to kids that don’t have much for gifts or toys. If I got rid of something I apologized and he forgave me!

[@kathleensanderson3082]

@@ramonalofgren5552 My 44 year old autistic daughter (low-functioning) has a real problem with feeling possessive about her things, and she always wants MORE, MORE, MORE! From the time she was small, I've had to go in her room once or twice a year, and organize and get rid of a lot of stuff. This is very stressful, as it's always accompanied by a lot of screaming and crying, but two days later, she's calmed down and fine, and obviously enjoying her room and her stuff a lot more. I will add that we are both on an extreme low-carb diet, have been for the last year and a half, and this has helped more than I can say (she has lupus, among other autoimmune conditions). Her autistic behaviors are much, much better. She actually asked me for a garbage bag the other day and decluttered a stack of papers she had in her room! (There are still two more, bigger stacks that need to be decluttered, but that was amazing!)

[@faithcugler6755]

You didn't exactly say this, but the combination of "tidy in 5 minutes or less" and "wipe down sinks and vanities" made me realize that I dread cleaning my bathroom because there is so much to clean around. And I have decluttered! But not enough. My getting ready basket is on the counter, not underneath. Off to go do more!

[@everystitchaprayer6268]

This isn’t about the video, and yet it is. I’ve been trying to develop a walking habit inspired by you! I let myself listen to my good friend Dawn when I’m out for a walk. Thank you so so much for everything you do!

[@sj6728]

Over the past ten years I let go of one thing that I had to replace. 6 dollars and I like the new one so much better. An ice cream scoop. 😂😂😂

[@dianasimplifies]

😂😂😂😂 that's so awesome!!!

[@beckyb1576]

My mom is a collector of antiques and so was my grandma. This means my mom has stories and memories of who owned each item and LOTS of things!!! She started to gift me things I thought I had to take and it got overwhelming. Plus I felt like I could not declutter the gift. Then when I started to declutter items at first it was hard for her, but I put some of the most memorable to me (and often her) front and center so I could see and enjoy them. This really helped her realize that seeing a few things is better than keeping everything hidden, boxes up, overshadowed by excess. Putting gifts you love and use in a prominent place helps others focus on the gifts you loved rather than ones you may have decluttered. 😊

[@tashadelcastillo5182]

Dawn, you may never read this because you get so many comments. But would you pray for me… I started decluttering last summer, then fallen back into a slump. We have been on the go for the last 6 months. But I want to start again this summer! My brain can’t take all the clutter anymore. So I need prayer to let stuff go and learn how to exercise those decluttering muscles!! Even prayer that my children and husband will be part of the process. God has given you so much wisdom in your videos. I KNOW that decluttering will help me! ❤️ Thank you for your ministry!

[@claudia_christianmommy]

Praying for you and your family to feel the blessings of being more simplified! ❤ give yourself the grace to take your time, (if possible 5 min a day) to grow into the process of decluttering as part of a way of life and setting boundaries before more things come into your home.

[@tashadelcastillo5182]

Thank you Claudia!! ❤️🙏 Your response means so much! You’re totally right! Giving myself grace would be good

[@ramonalofgren5552]

I’m praying for you and your journey.

[@tashadelcastillo5182]

@@ramonalofgren5552 thank you so much!!

[@HomesteadingChicks]

I’m a homesteader. We kept everything when we bought our property. Now we just buy quality things as needed. It is so much more work and time to maintain lots of stuff and it ends up rotting, eaten by wildlife, rusted. I can think of the reused fence that now houses carpenter bees and the rusted chicken waterer that we haven’t used in 6 years.

[@pippas5808]

Yes. Plus if you keep EVERYTHING, the stuff you actually 'need' to use can get lost and you end up rebuying it because you can't find it/don't know you already have it anyway! I tend to need the same kind of things for outdoor jobs from year to year, so I do keep those, but if I haven't used it in 12-18 months, I'm probably not going to.

[@nancykiziak691]

What is a homesteader? I’m not familiar with the term in Canada.

[@HomesteadingChicks]

Homesteader is like a small family farm.

[@claudia_christianmommy]

Dawn, you posted my question! I am the mom with the 3 kids sharing room. I appreciate your encouragement, support and advice. I’m fan-girling over here!! 🥹

[@vikieierdam5516]

As much as I like your content, what I most LOVE is your genuine smile and warmth.

[@katieallen3927]

I reprioritized cleaning my house when working a 40-60 hour/week job, spending 3 hours/day commuting, running my 10-acre horse farm on my own and then had overseeing my mother’s care added to my list of responsibilities. Cleaning is not a high priority. I deep clean twice a year, moderately clean once a month and tidy up every day. If my level of clean bothers someone else my attitude is if you want to see me, drop in anytime, if you want to see my house nice and clean, you’ll have to make an appointment.

[@Smithpolly]

If it's in your budget , it might be worth seeing if you could get a cleaning firm to do the deep cleans or if someone is looking for a gift to get you, contributing to the cost of a deep clean could be an option.

[@deniseharrison1410]

I was blown away when I heard my question to you about having the guilt of letting go of gifts. Thank you for your words of encouragement, it really meant a lot😊 I hate being a hoarder and I know I will still struggle letting go but I really do want a minimal home. When I look at something I hear you, is this going to bring value to what you are trying to achieve, will this be beneficial in keeping it. Thank you so much for your response and the answer I can give if anyone notices that the thing they have given is no longer here. Dawn you really are a blessing and treasure to us.

[@deedsh6280]

I greatly appreciate your inclusion of different POVs as well as gently accepting different upbringings re cleaning. So often the message is if you're not a regular 'cleaner', then something is terribly wrong. The judgement stings. But you honestly talk about how tidy is different that clean (I get it) and that yes, it's needed and nice, but many of us survived, even thrived, very similar upbringings to you where our Mom and Dads were not on top of the spic and span.Because they were doing the best they could to live and love their families. And then when you defend your Mom,& mention that it wasn't the worst, and then quickly go into, 'but even it if was for someone else, it's ok... it's what it was', I am sure that kindness made someone feel a little less hurt and alone for not having the perfectly clean home.

[@latoyaangle4568]

Im always so happy to see when you have new content ❤❤❤❤

[@donnalegrand9133]

Watching this made me get up, fill 2 bags with kitchen stuff I no longer use, and go thru my clothes. Thank you!!!

[@annamaureen7911]

Your videos and podcasts have helped me so much!! Decluttering has helped me be an advocate for myself- keeping unwanted items just to please someone else is no longer how I operate. Every time I declutter, I am choosing myself, my emotional well being and my family’s. I am putting myself first, and not the feelings of others. This mindset has filtered into other areas of my life, I look at relationships that are not healthy or are not serving me in a new way, just like items or stuff that needs to be decluttered from my life. I totally relate to the person who wrote in around the 11:22 mark. Thank you Dawn , I love your message and your work, and I share your content with everyone in my life! ❤

[@heatheroliver9316]

"I still mop sometimes for fun." Awesome.

[@MikeyDonna]

I just found out last month that our church in Yuma Arizona supports and makes mission trips to Dorothy’s House in Mexico too.

[@Heather.C.ButterflySage]

I love the talk on clean vs. tidy. The floors! So many great topics today, really. Releasing codependent behaviors by releasing what no longer serves in the home. Always enjoyable and uplifting!

[@janethunt4037]

Dawn, your comments about working with a special needs child are also applicable to working with my husband who has a hard time with letting anything go. We are planning to work on some of his clutter this summer, and your words are exactly the way to deal with him. Thank you.

[@SmithnickBerry-bf1fq]

Hi Janet 🌹🌹 How are you doing..?

[@Kristemamber81]

The comment about being able to move away from codependent relationships as you get better with decluttering is SO TRUE. I'm going through this myself and I'm so grateful for the progress in both areas.

[@sandymacdonald4810]

Thanks for the honesty on cleaning especially the bit about the floor. House on the whole is tidy but I struggle with cleaning floors and dusting. All other bits are good 😊

[@dianasimplifies]

Have you thought about getting a robot? I clean for a living and don't feel like vacuuming my own. We have had robots for years ❤

[@babytexan3038]

The gift question!! I agree--for me they are the main hangup between where I am and having the house I would like. If someone gives you food you don't prefer, you can just eat it for one meal, but physical gifts stay around as long as you keep them. It's rough.

[@ramonalofgren5552]

Gifts- thinking back, I’m not sure everyone that gives gifts expects to see them at your house years later. Example: My sister in law made me a spoon rest in a pottery class and many years later I was still using it when she was over she said, you still have that? ( expecting we would have decluttered it ) and I was caught off guard. I said yes, bc it’s just the best thing.

[@debbydoodler33]

Aw, that's so sweet. I wish everyone would give with no strings attached, so that's the spirit in which I give. Growing up I felt a lot of guilt around needing to be grateful for and to keep gifts regardless of whether you liked or used it and Dawn has helped me develop a much healthier attitude and boundaries for myself around gift-receiving.

[@juliekonigskind6434]

Dear Dawn, as always thank you for the great input. Our oldest son is almost 4 and he loves his simplified bedroom. Also, because the rest of the house is so simplified, he knows where everything is and can help with most things, like setting the table, loading the dishwasher and cooking. I can only encourage every mom to declutter and simplify for the sake of a peaceful motherhood!!!

[@fraziermommy]

Wonderful episode! I've been decluttering and simplifying for around 6 years now and every time I "go farther" I have to agree that I am always glad I did and never miss the stuff that "goes". I have two almost 5 year olds and with toys, especially stuffed animals, I've designated a cupboard above a closet as the "time will tell" cupboard. I let them help me decide what does up there and every once in a while they will tell me a specific toy they want down. I then encourage them to give me two toys to go up there in exchange for the one I'm getting down and I'm always surprised how eager they are to give me two or even more in exchange for the one they want. Then about once a year (or more often if I feel like it) I personally and quietly go through the cupboard and get rid of the things I know they don't care about and have forgotten about. It's helped so much to keep our toy population under control and easier to clean up.

[@brg2743]

Decluttered more today from our basement. One container at a time, clean the space, sweep it, done.

[@bumblebee_ms]

I love a tidy home too, but not so much with the cleaning. I had an OCD mother who was obsessed with cleaning, and it drove me nuts.

[@ladyb5888]

Thank you, Dawn! ❤

[@patriciasozalac.4133]

Thank you for addressing family dynamics that include kids with special abilities. My challenge is with all our daughter's challenges - physically and cognitively - how to teach her to clean up and do as many independent things as possible without causing excess frustration.

[@user-do1nn1ml9o]

Finally! Someone who views cleaning as I do!!! Thank you, Dawn! Tidying is a must. Thanks fir being honest.😃

[@dianehill6059]

Dawn, I was so happy to hear you mention Internal Family Systems therapy, better known as IFS. I’ve done lots of therapy in my life (PTSD from childhood sexual abuse) and made great progress but WOW - IFS is truly transformative! For the first time in my life, I actually love myself, body and soul. I’m much more open-hearted to others, too. Most days I feel genuine joy and am so grateful for my life, especially the simple things and the people in my life. The whole IFS approach is based in compassion and respect. If you’re struggling to heal from trauma, or are stuck in unhealthy relationship dynamics, or your kids are anxious, etc etc - I highly recommend checking it out. It’s also possible to “do it yourself” (after learning from a professional of course) as a kind of meditative practice, so you’re not in therapy for years. And I’ve noticed that since starting IFS therapy, I find it much easier to deal with the emotional aspects of decluttering, especially the sentimental stuff

[@melissasnelgrove-or5op]

Hi dawn I simplified and decluttered 6 years now all thanks to you and watching your videos

[@c.s.102]

For the courageous lady with hoarding tendency. Bravo how aware you are. I can highly recommend IFS (internal family systems) especially with themes of guilt and shame. Take care be gentle !

[@PuzzlesC4M]

Oy vay, these are some good topics! I kept every potential homeschool/craft product for maybe 7 years and just got rid of 70% of it. It felt great knowing that some had served their purpose, and others weren't as cool as I had imagined they would be. Autism... My ASD son has a meltdown if he has to get rid of anything, so sometimes I've had to be sneaky. It turned out okay. My ASD daughter will get rid of anything. I've had to rescue some things for the sentimental bin! Lol

[@minimalqueen7523]

Yay! A new podcast to wash my dishes with this morning!

[@debcarroll8192]

I love your blue door! This was a very good video-- so many great questions!

[@greencreekheart]

On Mondays we declutter, rearrange & organize 😁 and putter and look at our stuff and think

[@nataliej7135]

So excited for a new video from Dawn on a Monday morning!! Tomorrow is trash day so I’m gonna get my bags ready and clean and get rid of unnecessary things, thank you so much for the motivation!!

[@liap1293]

No one can keep a farm house clean. You walk through dirt coming and going so there's dirt coming in every single day.

[@KlingonPrincess]

Such a compassionate comment. Plus you have so many more duties taking care of animals and gardens. I hope Dawn sees your comment and is blessed with a new perspective on her growing up on the farm. 🌻🍄

[@leecotton3242]

Well said.

[@joannevenz5045]

Great to hear some Australian accents 🇦🇺

[@user-ep6ux6tl8e]

This is Renée, thank you for answering my question 😂

[@ritasmoot1823]

Dawn, thank you for reading the email you had received. I needed it so badly!! And thank you to the person who sent it to you!!

[@jenniferroy6288]

My autistic son graduated college, came home to live for a year and just got an amazing job!! He expends so much energy out in the world, so at home he drops his mask and doesn’t pay attention to his clutter/garbage/mess, strewing it about the house. Dawn, I’ve taught, cajoled,enforced, ignored and bribed him to declutter. He says he’s just “not aware” and just drops things where they land and can’t distinguish clutter from important things so he’s too overwhelmed to use the tools I’ve given him. Of course, he loses things yet says he’d rather spend last-minute time looking than pay attention in the moment . I’m so proud of him and we have a great relationship. Any parting advice I can give him as he moves to his own apartment? (I love him and also will be ecstatic to have my house “back”!) But I worry about his future.

[@saraleasteinberg4569]

For the Mom of three little kids. Store the toys in storage boxes with lids that lock on the sides and the 1 year old won’t be able to dump them. I’m a mom of 8 with lots of grandchildren who come all the time.

[@kimdavies9364]

Fantastic podcast, Dawn. Thank you very much.

[@SF-ru3lp]

Its not that aiming to re-use is a bad thing, but its holding on to the stuff till you actually re-purpose it. I'm with Dawn.... i trust that if i let stuff off to others, i'll have what i meed when i need it. (My Christian faith cones into play here). G Ire

[@mybeautifulworld6724]

I was given an expensive wide brim sunhat by a family member last Christmas,(I’m in Australia ☀️)it didn’t fit so I thought it looked great as a wall art…well didn’t she have a spack attack! I rather receive nothing from her, than have this reaction every special occasion!

[@debbydoodler33]

Oh boy. Clothing is such a personal thing - risky gift giving choice 😅.

[@kaitlinobrien243]

I love you ❤

[@pippas5808]

Getting rid of gifts - I tend to move unwanted gifts to private areas in the home where the giver won't see them and keep them there for a few months. If the donor asks, I can say, for example "It's in our bedroom". If they don't ask (or a few months after they have asked) I can then regift the item and be fairly confident I'm not going to get questioned about it in future. The only exception is my mother, who will ask constantly and be offended for years if I get rid of anything she gifted...so I just have to keep storing her stuff!

[@dianasimplifies]

My dad got offended like that and I said I can't keep every gift anyone has ever given me. I just don't have room. He seemed shocked but he did move on, ironically my mom has decluttered the whole house but doesn't think I should declutter mine 🙄

[@Smithpolly]

It's interesting that you call it her stuff, since presumably if she gifted it to you, it's actually your stuff. In any case, whatever you call it , you don't have to keep storing it. You do have a choice in the matter. It may be that you choose to keep the stuff to save the hassle of dealing with your mother kicking up a fuss or it may be that you choose to give stuff away and let the chips fall where they may. Either way, it is a decision that you are making , not something that you have to do.

[@pippas5808]

@@dianasimplifies my mother is an Olympic champion at grudge-holding and NEVER moves on (her longest-held grudge is over 70 years old!) so it's easier for us to store the junk than deal with the fallout. But I agree if you think a relative will get over it any time soon, it's worth putting up with short-term discomfort not to have to deal with the clutter.

[@dianasimplifies]

@@pippas5808 girl I'm right there with you. Mine is the same way but she's 89 and her memory is starting to go....

[@pippas5808]

​@@Smithpolly oh, I agree I am making a choice between storing a load of junk I don't want and having to deal with the fallout of getting rid of it - since she can hold a grudge for decades and doesn't suffer in silence either, storing the junk is the least worst option.

[@cindycox9496]

My kitchen is decluttered and looks nice and easy to maintane I do keep toaster and canopener out on counter but there nice and don't show smudges .pioneer woman has a nice line of prett😊y

[@bonnierainwater4484]

I went to my sisters house to “help” her clean. She and her husband work full-time. She has soo many dishes and kitchen utensils! I feel like that’s so she doesn’t have to wash dishes as often. Cleaning falls by the wayside a lot of days. And, truthfully, it’s not her strong point. She took a bath, looked at fb, played with the dog, searched for long gone lids to throw away plastic dishes…anything to keep from “cleaning”.lol. She is a work in progress. I did talk her into letting go of a few things, some of which came home with me.🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ I told her I would try to use them, but if they didn’t work, she wasn’t getting them back! Just the 2 of them. I have to be careful tho, not to try to force my newfound freedom from stuff onto her. I don’t want to be judgemental. She’s also like Diana, she is a Gifter. My goal now is to communicate to her, that she shouldn’t spend her money on trinkety gifts for us. I would rather have her company, than another tshirt from her vacation.

[@JillSwords]

Do you, Dawn, ever feel overwhelmed by all the questions? 😅

[@tanyagriego2168]

😊😊😊

[@jhemeyer]

I haven’t even gotten into the podcast yet, but I’m immediately so curious - where is this set? I’m in the mentorship group & everything, but have been very inactive lately & not keeping up with posts, so I’m curious what home updates I’ve missed bc I don’t recognize the teal door!

[@dianasimplifies]

That's her parent's house upstairs! ❤❤❤ I'm in the group too.

[@FrogeniusW.G.]

Same here. Team tidy, not clean. 😅❤ (Except vacuuming. Bc. I like sitting on the floor. I'm an Asian soul. 😅)

[@andreaodell8769]

I wish I had found you years ago!

[@janetjenkins7916]

I’m having trouble letting go of the bassinet that was my little sister’s. She passed away and I feel guilty for even WANTING to let it go. Can you address how to let go of these type sentimental items. If it were not hers I wouldn’t be so sad to let it go.

[@user-bh3qz8xm3g]

You don't have to get rid of it. You shouldn't feel pressured to let go of it. But, of course, you shouldn't feel pressured to keep it if you don't want to. It sounds very special, and I can relate to keeping something because it is from someone you have lost. I am very sorry for your loss.

[@laurathronson667]

What if I do miss the stuff?😢

[@zainabghori6447]

Hi Dawn! I’ve been gifted some clothes from my in laws when I first got married and wore them a couple times but never really liked them and they no longer fit. However, I’m too scared to declutter them because they are the type to bring it up and ask and I don’t want to upset my husband by it. What do I do?

[@alethiag285]

Where did you get the cute colorblock shirt you are wearing. Ive seen you and Diane wearing different colors and they are so cute

[@natalieeubank4533]

Amazon!!:)

[@elizabethfraser2996]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@kennethbailey9853]

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊❤😊

[@Wordsmatter4u]

not a fan of the announcer in the beginning and ending of the video; I'd rather Dawn taped the message and played it. also don't care to hear all the questions in the beginning, because we then have to hear them again when Dawn starts answering them. I'm someone who doesn't like to waste time and filler words are a waste of good time.

[@dianasimplifies]

Fast forward

[@user-in5qk4dq9u]

What is that? An AI introduction? Weird. Dawn should do it herself.

[@cindybutler1413]

i believe she explained in a past episode that is was a gentleman she and Diana worked with at a radio station years ago

[@sarahouser3100]

As a robot myself, I quite like his voice.

[@user-in5qk4dq9u]

@@sarahouser3100 🤣 beep beep boop beep