QI Compilation | Best Of Trains

[@ZondaFRoadster]

"1 in 10 British trains still dump directly onto the tracks..... They say that by 2019 it will all be over." Yeah, anyone who's ever had a promise from a British rail company can guess how true that turned out to be.

[@bazza945]

All over - the tracks?!

[@TheFlyingEpergne]

@@bazza945 now they just shit on customers

[@pseudonayme7717]

Anyone else want a train that delivers sweeties around their house? Just me? I'll get me coat🙄

[@user-ln2go4xp6d]

@@pseudonayme7717 well bill bailey, for one. why would you assume you're soo special? lol

[@highdownmartin]

It is.

[@primus108]

The bit about the toilets being vented onto the tracks reminded me of a ditty my mother(b.1929) sang when I was a child; Passengers will please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is standing in the station at a stop. While the train is in the station We encourage constipation After that we let the matter drop.

[@stephengreen3367]

Boom boom!

[@Gottenhimfella]

My mum's version was .. "Passengers will please refrain from passing water when the train is standing at a station or a siding...." I think it went on "Please refrain from urination, till the train has left the station..." and I forget the next bit, then it moved to something approximating: People passing underneath will get it in the eyes and teeth and they won't like it, nor, I think, would you. I've since heard another verse which I'm sure would never have passed my mother's lips, something along the lines of "Since I'm going with your daughter I've had trouble passing water Sorry that I ever came to town" all to the tune of Humoresque by Dvořák

[@hankwilliams150]

That is why the toilets in the US were called "Huoresques" because you can sing that song to the tune of "Humoresque".

[@natehill8069]

My then new wife had never been out of state when I took her to Germany right after we married. We were on a train and I told her the toilets flushed by just opening a hole onto the track. She came back from the loo and exclaimed "You were serious, I thought you were joking!"

[@mosheg.8764]

I tend to prefer compilations like this, where there are perhaps less segments but they run longer

[@adambradbury906]

Fewer darling

[@fearlessfred67]

@@adambradbury906 You are Stannis Baratheon and I claim my £5!

[@mosheg.8764]

@@adambradbury906 Oh my God, you're right. I can't believe I managed to write that pile of incomprehensible garbage and not notice until you pointed out I'd used a word that technically means something slightly different from what I meant to say.

[@apricity4290]

Moshe G. Ever heard of commas dear?

[@ollieb9875]

😂😀😀

[@sewcrazy9433]

My little hometown once had open sewers throughout. Tomatoes would grow in these shallow channels. This youngster once proudly brought an armful home to mom. She made me drop them outside and no doubt gave me a bath. Thanks for the memory.

[@TheYeetusLord]

Sandy is the most perfect replacement for Stephen, but at the same time, you can never really replace Stephen Fry.

[@DestroyerWill]

John O'neil it’s true she’s shit

[@TheYeetusLord]

John O'neil you and A Page are entitled to that opinion, personally I like her.

[@TheYeetusLord]

Jaime and yes she is a lesbian.

[@piapipa6807]

Both are gay - so: close enough.

[@piapipa6807]

@John O'neil c rap? What style is that?

[@UsernameCosplayer]

Is there anything in this world more delightful than that whole part with the toy train?

[@anthonycutt8854]

When they converted the line between London and Bristol from broad gauge to standard gauge, the navvies did it in a weekend.

[@olscratch74]

3:31 - Saaaayyy, I recognize this particular panel. And I've always wondered if it's true what they say about the Acropolis where the Parthenon iiiiiiiisssssss....

[@Pagliacci_Rex]

What do they say? What do they say?!

[@HA1LILPALAZZO]

railway companies in the Victorian period were the first to introduce smoking bans on trains, not because it was terrible but because they didn't want their upholstery to be nicotine stained. Parliament forced the companies to introduce smoking compartments on carriages and all the companies did was put stickers on the windows saying which compartments were smoking compartments. This led to many people peeling off the stickers and putting them in their hats so they could get onto any train in their favourite seats in non-smoking and they would then put the stickers in the windows so they could have a smoke and when they were done they would take the stickers off with them

[@Sam-zz7gs]

How did jimmy manage to make so many concerned yet confused expressions in such a short amount of time

[@mccarthy5825]

I didn't think I could like Stephen Fry more but hearing his description of Navvies made me like him even more

[@NewMessage]

Were the sweets toffee? Would be apt, considering all the chew-chew-ing required to eat one.

[@TheYeetusLord]

Shameful yet I admire it...😂

[@GnomaPhobic]

You can actually eat them much more quickly if you train yourself.

[@mrav8r]

GROAN!

[@MrFlashpoint1978]

I rail against this joke.

[@KanjoosLahookvinhaakvinhookvin]

SWEET!

[@Jayfive276]

I don't think Bill's story abour Trans-Siberian is true: "There is an urban legend in Russia, that once upon a time the railway engineers asked the Tzar where to build the railway from St.Petersburg to Moscow. The Tzar reportedly took a ruler and draw a straight line between the two capital cities. However, as he was holding the ruler with his finger, the line had a small bend. The engineers did not dare to argue with the Tzar and built the railway according to his specs. Including the Verebye curve (which indeed is attributed to the wide and deep Verebye ravine that must have been bypassed). The recent advances in bridge construction technologies made it possible to build a bridge across the ravine and get rid of the "royal finger" bend."

[@billyeveryteen7328]

Stephen didn't give him a sweet because it was true, he gave him a sweet because it was interesting. Stephen even adds that it's a lovely story, "IF it's true."

[@Yeesha0000]

Jayfive276 Bill just got the name of the railway wrong, the story is about Moscow -St Petersburg railway, TransSib runs for over 9000km from Moscow to Vladivostok. Otherwise it's a very well known "urban myth" sort of thing))

[@cr10001]

@@Yeesha0000 I was going to make that same comment. The Trans-Siberian came forty years after the St Petersburg-Moscow line (so, different Tsar), and it could never have been straight because geography. So the story (as applied to the Trans-Siberian) is ridiculous, even as an urban legend.

[@jerribee1]

The "Royal Finger" sounds like the ultimate insult.

[@peterclarke7240]

Who built our railways? Bill Bailey: large creatures. God bless you, Bill, you glorious bastard 😂

[@metalman552]

Alan "You never know, sometimes, they go, yes, that is correct" Davis

[@Vandragorax]

"Blue Whale" is the perfect example of this. ONCE it was the right answer, but someone else said it first! haha

[@robynthethird4776]

Bloody man had to go and have two brains.

[@TheHutchy01]

Living inside Matt Lucas' head would be such a unique experience.

[@chriswright8114]

I should think that living inside anyone's head would be rather unique.

[@zetetick395]

I'd definitely pop my head around the door marked "George Dawes memories" He's a baybeh! He's a baybeh!

[@Aeronaut1975]

Can confirm about the tomato plants growing in the middle of nowhere. I've seen it on building sites in the middle of the countryside, miles from anywhere, where a builder has obviously thrown away the tomato from his sandwich during his lunchbreak, and the seeds from them have germinated and grown into fruit-bearing plants. I've seen it many times.

[@rachelcookie321]

An, I thought you were insinuating people were just pooping in the middle of building sites after eating a tomato. Throwing it away makes more sense.

[@decodolly1535]

No wi-fi on the Orient Express? I'm going to book right now! (Just as soon as I've sold a kidney for the fare.....)

[@tomleahy5383]

Human waste was dumped much the same way this side of the pond. You had a seat on top of a large cylinder, with a nice breeze and a view of the ties and ballast whizzing by. The rest room was on one side of the car, and deposited your gift sometimes on a sidewalk, street, or who knows where. Regards and ttfn, T. L.

[@jjstewart4341]

God this channel is designed so well for binging

[@neildahlgaard-sigsworth3819]

At last Stephen is wrong. There were 2nd class tickets in the UK. However, these were only found on the Southern Railway (and BR's Southern Region) on the boat trains that connected with services in France were there were 3 clases of ticket.

[@thomasgray4188]

I think this happened on multiple BR trains theres mention of it on a film about the Bristolian a western region train

[@Pewling]

Heh..Hehehe.. Chubby Carr.. It always amuses me when I see his younger self. Amazing how different he looks after he gained some cheekbones.

[@andracatheduckking257]

they all look so much younger... except rob

[@jamesbarrett9466]

Paul Deschanel must have been one of those manic pixie French presidents.

[@Gottenhimfella]

3:18 that's almost as outrageous as the election of the current POS POTUS

[@cyrilmagi6201]

He actually wasn't, the story she mentionned is factually incorrect. To make a long story short he did fall of the train but recieving an ambassador naked is a very deformed incident where he was standing in a fountain in night clothes at the early hours of the morning. The press found out and it became through word of mouth (or yellow journalism) that story. It also gave birth to a similar story where he tryied ti fish carps in a fountain (equally as untrue) And ultimately he was suffering from an anxio depressive state due to his feelings of powerlessness due to the fact that under the third french republic he basically had no power and was sidelined by the counsel of ministers.

[@markmayonnaise1163]

@@Gottenhimfella Yes having an opinion is all well and good but please attempt some degree of wit and subtlety next time, preferably both

[@johnhunter4854]

He was also the great grandfather of Zooey and Emily Deschanel.

[@Rocket1377]

You didn't include the best train related clip, where Johnny Vegas makes a joke about trainspotters.

[@a3aan__uit389]

What's the joke?

[@JetsonDrums]

@@a3aan__uit389if I remember rightly, the segment was on worm charming and Johnny had the trainspotters yelling “losers!!!” at the worm charmers.

[@neilperry2224]

I'm related, to the famous Navvie, bought across to help build the Birmingham rail service. He married my great great great grandmother who was in service in the large homes in the Midlands

[@AnnaAnna-uc2ff]

Thanks.

[@donna30044]

The navvies also built most of GB's canal system.

[@alecblunden8615]

Which is where the name arose - "navigators", "navvys" for short

[@qwertyTRiG]

The actual Orient-Express (yes, with a hyphen) no longer runs. It was a named train service, operated by modern trains, now withdrawn.

[@qwertyTRiG]

@@richard6440 And that's the Venice Simplon Orient Express, a luxury train. The actual Orient-Express (with hyphen) was a standard Euro Nite Lines scheduled service, in the timetable, for which you could purchase tickets at the station in the normal way.

[@richard6440]

@@qwertyTRiG The actual Orient-Express . well, as said in the video, there was more than one :)

[@richard6440]

i was actually going to take the wife on a trip on the orient express , until i found out , that a single over night trip was £2 grand. so i looked at the london to edinburgh overnight , at 10% of that price :)

[@qwertyTRiG]

@@richard6440 And I would say that the real thing is the name of a *service*, not the name of a physical train. The London-Holyhead service is the Irish Mail. The Belfast-Dublin service is the Enterprise. The rolling stock may be brand new, but as long as it's the same service, it keeps the name.

[@the-chillian]

One gets a very strange feeling on coming to QI after watching Doctor Who. It's as if The First QI Master was Stephen, and he regenerated a few years ago...

[@almostfm]

That would have been a cool way to handle the transition.

[@calibrazxr750]

I work on the railways and I am unaware of any tomato plants, but every goods yard is awash with blackberry bushes for some reason.

[@harleyrobertson73]

Imagine Stephen Fry as a guest on the panel

[@marccolten9801]

I like Fry but let's be real. You're not so smart when you don't have the answers in advance.

[@jobansand]

It's happened

[@jobansand]

@@marccolten9801 he was the guest on a special episode and got a lot of answers right

[@lilymarinovic1644]

Matt is exactly right. - David Mitchell talks about how Shakespeare is basically shorthand for the guy whar wrote those plays, whoever may have actually been the author. In a similar way the Orient Express for a lot of people is simply shorthand for the train what had the murder on it in the book.

[@hayreddinbarbarossa661]

My question is where exactly did he pin those medals???🤔

[@Lord_Skeptic]

1:07 that sounds like something Tom Baker would say as the narrator on little britain

[@grahamlive]

You're right. Makes sense though, since Matt probably wrote Tom Bakers dialogue.

[@bastiaan1150]

Speaking of trains, Matt Lucas looks like the fat controller.

[@lawrencecalablaster568]

Bastian De Vos Sir Topham Matt

[@zetetick395]

The Railway Mouse has a LOT to answer for! >:/

[@Morrov]

The railway mouse!

[@annalieff-saxby568]

Surprised Stephen didn't mention that the word "navvy" is a contraction of "Land Navigator".

[@brillbilly8527]

I believe he did, but the clip is cut short

[@oscargr_]

A contraction where the word "land" was completely lost...

[@Brasswatchman]

He said that it was short for "navigational engineer," I believe.

[@GeniusLad32]

0:52 When the comedians are unionising before your colleagues are

[@oscargr_]

How "relaxed" the French were to elect a former President who had been institutionalised...

[@typacsk]

As an American, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut here >_>

[@CONNELL19511216]

But it makes sense to all nuts

[@ala0284]

To he honest, I’ve sat next to people on Ryanair flights dirty enough to be chimney sweeps...

[@natehill8069]

"Murder on the Orient Express" was the movie, the book was actually "Murder on the Calais Coach".

[@LnPPersonified]

This was funny, but I legit wanted to hear how tomato plants stop trains.

[@Brasswatchman]

Presumably if they grow large enough, they can obstruct or even warp the track. That'd be my guess, anyway.

[@bradleynoneofyourbizz5341]

What the hell is going on in the last segment? Fry's jacket, shirt and tie actually go together!

[@richardmarples5130]

Strange now seeing sandi as a guest. Not sure how old that is, but she looks better now than then! No-one should try to compare/contrast her and Stephen, both national treasures in their own right. (Yes I know she's originally Danish, but she's ours now!)

[@kasperkjrsgaard1447]

She’s still danish too.

[@richardmarples5130]

@@kasperkjrsgaard1447 ah, you know what I mean 😁

[@kawaiilotus]

She's originally a USAsian.

[@emilybarclay8831]

She lost a significant amount of weight in her 50s right around the time she took on QI hosting on her doctors advice; that’s probably it. Everyone looks better without those extra pounds lol

[@GoranNewsum]

What about the Underground Fluffer??

[@darren.mcauliffe]

“I didn’t even know that one existed” “Have you been on it?” Obviously not.

[@fossy4321]

Many years ago you could buy tomatoes from my local refuse site which had self seeded from the sewage treatment works next to it!

[@jeffrey44]

I bet they were quite tangy.

[@fossy4321]

@@jeffrey44 Did you know that really jet black looking manure you often see piled in fields waiting to be "spread" is processed human waste, provided free if the fields have no water courses near them!! Enjoy your corn flakes. HaHa.

[@pistonburner6448]

With Stephen Fry talking about trains...I got little bit worried about what was in store

[@dielaughing73]

HENNIG!

[@typacsk]

I can only assume that Sandi *does* travel with a pocket watch. (Stephen too.)

[@DavoDentetsu]

Peter Express!

[@benfreeman7171]

6:37 - ''Thomas was going so fast. Then there was trouble. Thomas hit the buffers and the trucks were uncoupled. Then, they were coupled back onto Thomas and off he went again. BTW, the model locomotive is basically Thomas but repainted red and without a face.

[@AOMfreak300]

Ich mag Züge

[@baseddugalle1838]

5:30 is that the "What do they say ?" highlight ?

[@jtasarkan7088]

So we are just going to laugh alittle and continue after that like he said nothing 😂 9:47

[@shanewright2772]

Which Orient Express did From Russia with Love take place on?

[@keeperofthecheese]

More likely the transiberian express

[@SteamboatWilley]

From imdb: While this movie was in pre-production, the historic route of the Orient Express was changed. Since the nineteenth century, the westward-bound Orient Express stopped in Bucharest, Budapest, Vienna, Munich, and Strasbourg before arriving in Paris. But, beginning in 1962, the train followed a more southerly route, stopping in Sofia, Belgrade, Venice, Milan, and Lausanne. Changes in the script were made to accommodate the re-routing.

[@altar7885]

Train toilets were flushing directly on the tracks until 2019??

[@Ward1706]

I like trains.

[@keeperofthecheese]

ZOOOOM

[@scorinth]

F

[@Brasswatchman]

Hey, have you heard about the I Like Trains kid?

[@yellowbelly7863]

Leave it to humans, to get upset about accidently seeding the planet with edible resources haha

[@frederf3227]

"Except for his ceremonial decorations" sounds like a euphemism for genitals.

[@marklandgraf7667]

hehe...dagenham smile

[@TyneeTym]

One could say, it took them 5 years to "train"

[@thehellyousay]

No. If took 1 year to train them to build it. It then to them 5 years to actually build the fucking thing.

[@Ludspaw]

yay

[@kahnadah]

Alan asks if people are shitting on the platform. It's Norwich. It's England. They are.

[@LeeAnneGuerin]

Sheldon would be pleased 🚂 🚞 🚆

[@Mihoshika]

I liek trainz

[@helvettefaensatan]

Why is the sound so much quieter than the rest of KZbin?

[@piapipa6807]

Quite Investigative.

[@ShubhamBhushanCC]

Manic Pixie Dream President. 500 days of government Starring Paul Deschanel

[@LouieAblett]

The person who didn't do the audio levels needs to apologise

[@oscargr_]

I apologize

[@terranovarubacha5473]

I apologize

[@hughjarrse]

Three Gooners on the first panel 😁

[@TucBroder]

I swear that Matt Lucas is Rebel Wilson in drag

[@tbandmint]

You mean Rebel Wilson is Matt Lucas in drag I would reckon Matt Lucas became famous first

[@patrickgage1913]

He was wrong, it was not the transiberian railway, it was the line between Moscow and St. Petersburgh and it was Stalin's thumb that made the 'bump' in the line - it has since been straightened. There is also a story that Stalin ensured that the Moscow subway had a circular line. Planners brought him a proposed plan of the system - he set his coffee mug down on it and it left a brown ring - they built the circular line as it then appeared on their plan. There is a building in Moscow that the right side does not match the left side - he apparently approved two submitted plans and the planners were afraid to question which he wanted so they split the building down the middle.

[@CharizardMaster69]

I like Trains

[@mackhaddock5376]

What about Turtles?

[@CharizardMaster69]

Mack Haddock mine turtles?

[@jackgammon4084]

I also like Trains.

[@SteamboatWilley]

Then come over to my channel for lots of train videos.

[@angeredshadow]

what does Jason say at 7:20?

[@jamescarmichael5169]

Sabarish Elango “Oh I know stuff!”

[@angeredshadow]

@@jamescarmichael5169 that's not it.

[@jamescarmichael5169]

Ok boomer

[@steveahearn7421]

Jason said something like "You were in that day" to the guy that said "I know stuff" ( Sorry, I don't know his name). I am assuming that is a reference to something that came up earlier in the episode, possibly something like " I was sick the day they covered that in school"

[@jajararakoi8000]

@@steveahearn7421 I heard it as "you ruined that there, didnt ya" because he reacted over sandi and nobody laughed, awkward moment, tension broken by Jason Manford's quip

[@chufflangs]

11:22 He sounds identical to Dara O'Brien

[@torinjones3221]

Majority of navvies were english. Only about 30% were Irish.

[@taylorseyfert9825]

Navvys were mostly English, actually

[@-_James_-]

“A study of 19th century British railway contracts by David Brooke, coinciding with census returns, conclusively demonstrates the great majority of navvies in Britain were English. He also states that 'only the ubiquitous Irish can be regarded as a truly international force in railway construction', but the Irish were only about 30% of the navvies.”

[@rexstout8177]

1 in 10 Trains in the UK flush directly onto the tracks - wtf! What kind of third world bollocks is that.

[@Caroleonus]

I thought they all did still lol

[@Lord_Skeptic]

That happens on aeroplanes as well. That is why they won't let you go to the toilet on the runway. for fear of skid starts.

[@kasperkjrsgaard1447]

I’m not excactly a regular train traveller but i recall the “straight to the track’s” loo’s back in the 80’s here in Denmark. I’ve never spottet any tomato plants though. But we have a lot of fruit trees along the tracks. Caused by passengers threwing their apple cores out of the windows.

[@lexigrimhaive]

Was the Romanian woman okay?!?

[@salwaaj1356]

Lex luthor gained some weight it seems

[@Brasswatchman]

2:20 So somebody heard the name of the novel and thought, "wait, has that never actually happened in real life? Whelp, better go off a Romanian woman!"

[@atrumluminarium]

Wait I thought the railway ruler story was about Stalin not a Tsar...

[@DanDownunda8888]

Both are myths. The Trans Siberian Railway is far from being a straight line. :)

[@fleuelise1852]

I've learnt more from Q1 than i have in 12 years of school

[@frankfontaine9974]

But you haven't learned that it's "QI" (Quite Interesting)...

[@fleuelise1852]

@@frankfontaine9974 yea..My left eye and half of my right doesn't work apparently

[@terranovarubacha5473]

They don't always get their facts right on QI but I suppose I learned a lot of rubbish in school too

[@formulafish1536]

Does anyone else watch to the very end of every video just to be told to hurry up and pick something else to watch?

[@MarkCalise]

Yep.

[@joelkennedy2701]

mY TRAINS-

[@TomSaysStuff]

That thing about the chimney sweeps, they pull shit like that now they just do it with things like leg room on an aeroplane to see what the human spirit will endure.

[@rjaxxxas]

To be technical, a 'Train' is only a Train if it has coaches or a series a simiar interlocking carriages. Without them, it is a Locomotive. Just like a Truck is called a 'Truck' but when is has a trailer it's called a 'Semi'.

[@richard6440]

translation to uk : tractor / cab and trailer together , artic

[@oscargr_]

I am afraid we are slowly losing logic in language. But I may have lost my "locomotive" of thought.

[@TheHadesShade]

I really can't follow this train of thought in this video! Ba dum tssss!!!!

[@liamosburn9824]

The rail mouse 🐁

[@alexthebudgie9071]

Choo Choo

[@simontheblind8417]

Re-electing an institutionalized man to the senate makes sense to me. The sane ones are crooked. He might push through a bill entitling everyone to free carrots, but hey. Free carrots, right? Purchased by the government via collective bargaining? I'm down.

[@EdgyShooter]

If he was nude, where did he pin the decorations? 🧐

[@decodolly1535]

Velcro-ed them to his pubes?

[@MarwanEnezi]

*sheldon cooper has entered the chat*

[@Taabituubi]

2:27 Romesh looks like he'd had a severe stroke.

[@michaelnorton7882]

1w

[@bobbong8483]

The way he talks about those men is like they are not human but tools/animals

[@bradleynoneofyourbizz5341]

Because that's exactly how they were treated!

[@waynewestoby5353]

dtW#

[@briezzy365]

Jesus vegans are so vicious towards plants. Plants have feelings, too!!