QI | Who Were The Worst Spies In History?

[@ZergrushEddie]

“You can’t arrest me; I am a spy!” is some drunk Sterling Archer stuff...

[@Shieldwall100]

It would work for Sterling Archer though.

[@VancouverAvatar]

I think that he say that on the rare occasion he's sober too.

[@luuketaylor]

Immediately followed by a "Whoooo!!!!"

[@seancallaghan54]

I like the German who was sent too Canada, felt bad about spying so instead he decided to live off the money he had been given then turned himself in. He became a citizen and was never charged.

[@Wolf6119]

Sounds like he soaked up some Canadian-ism by osmosis

[@sex0trone]

Do you know the name? I'd love to look it up, so far google can't tell me from "German spy in Canada who switched sides"

[@AHBelt]

Marius A. Langbein

[@vihaze6725]

That's so Canadian.

[@mojo76]

Sounds like something a good spy would do.

[@PtolemyJones]

Have to assume we've never heard of the best spies...

[@ericcl5313]

PtolemyJones Yes everyone has.... That's kinda the entire point

[@PtolemyJones]

LL cool J your comment makes no sense.

[@bananesalee7086]

Best spies don't get caught thus are anonymous. That's the point

[@theolav12]

Alex The best spies aquire the most beneficial information. If a british spy during ww2 sent valuable information saving 1000s of lives, but losing his anonymity in the process. He would still be a much better spy than someone who took no risks and got no information. Agree?

[@censusgary]

They could tell us, but then they’d have to kill us.

[@NewMessage]

"Ah.. Mein Herr... We have received ze report from our man in ze field.. We now know... All ze sings."

[@CorvusCorone68]

The Sound of Music

[@TheFrugalVideoGamer]

They missed the best part - not only did MI5 manage to turn *every* German agent during WWII, one in particular - Juan Pujol Garcia - actually duped the Germans so badly that they awarded him *an Iron Cross* while he was working as a double-agent against them. He is, to my knowledge, the *only* individual to have gotten a commendation from *both* sides of the war in WWII.

[@SomeThrillingHeroics]

Technically, that's not *quite* true (or at least it's ambiguously phrased) - Juan Pujol Garcia had deliberately set out to be a double agent and had always been working against the Germans (even if it took the British some time to realise that and recruit him!), so he never strictly "turned". He had always been anti-Nazi, which played massively into his effectiveness, as he could be trusted to carry out some truly spectacular bluffs requiring classified information, rather than constantly needing to be carefully monitored and kept under guard.

[@SomeThrillingHeroics]

@All_RoadsWhy am I being tagged? It was the OP who said Garcia was a German agent (which, in any case, was clearly supposed to mean "working for the German side"). I only brought up that he had *always* been working as a double agent, rather than the OP's phrasing implying that he had turned.

[@ssbohio]

There was another double agent, called Chapman, who was decorated by both sides, including with the Iron Cross.

[@samuelstrachan2726]

Imagine being able to proudly wear an iron cross after the war because it shows how great of a job for the allies you did.

[@andreasnilsson5020]

ssbohio that’s correct Agent Zigzag as the British called him

[@Mark01962]

"A half litre of your best cider and and a curry wurst mein good man"

[@papajohnsdimsum1564]

For whatever reason I read this in Henning Wehn's voice.

Only problem with your (funny, don't get me wrong) idea, Mark, is that currywurst wasn't invented until *after* the war.

[@scottwallace5239]

@ nice to see that German sense of humour is still going well

[@stitcha123]

Jordan Parker he’s German. That might be why.

[@99lodewijk]

Topf of dem morgen zu du!

[@con_boy]

There is a true story I heard in the Rhondda Valleys multiple times in South Wales. The story goes that an unknown man named Mr Jones was an ardent communist in the 50s and wrote to the Russian embassy regularly for years offering his services but never gave an address and always signed off "Mr Jones". Think it a ruse the KGB ignored it for years but finally went to the train station where the letters were post marked and asked the village station master who he might be. The station master said "well with a name like Jones round here it would be hard mind, Do you mean Jones the Baker? Or Jones the Post, Or Jones the Milkman... whats is it in connection with?" the KGB said they were from the Russian embassy.. the station master lit up and said "Oh you mean Jones the Spy!!" 3 up 4th house on the left he'll love to see you he's been writing for years. The KGB got straight back on the train to London!

[@medievalist]

That would make a very cute film :)

[@thelogicofcheese90]

Irish Comedian Brendan Grace has a bit which is exactly the same as that story but its called Murphy The Spy. He played the priest that replaces Father Jack for a bit on Father Ted until he too gets hairy hands. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnTHp3akeMt1nq8

[@davew4998]

You can imagine the police officer looking inside their bag; 'Oh, I see you've brought your own entertainment'.

[@gm2407]

What is this for? It's for extraction in slippery situations.

[@vasyan123]

Taika Waititi should make a movie about those spies.

[@jacobseager4897]

Lets just say the first second of this video looks like a very different show lol

[@TheHutchy01]

It's not as bad as the giant Swastika flag from later in the season

[@CyberLink70]

The suits and tables however do make it seem more official, so...

[@Scott-J]

David had a late night at the Communist Party and Alan is Stalin for time. (I'll show myself out)

[@517342]

It looks like a Red Alert game cutscene.

[@reasonablyserious]

@@TheHutchy01 is it not?

[@censusgary]

HIs mission was to find out all the things. Yes, that’s what I want to know, too.

[@Trucmuch]

Was his commanding officer Douglas Adams?

[@nachofilament294]

That man has hundreds of wikipedia tabs open to this day

[@RobRidleyLive]

Sadly because of the work of Turing and Godel, one thing we do know is that we can never no all the things.

[@Codex7777]

@Rob - Does that mean we can yes all the things? ;) :p

[@lohphat]

"Vaht ah you sinking...about?"

[@dragoncurveenthusiast]

One of the best commercials ever.

[@DeterminedExpression]

1:04 Had they investigated further, they would have discovered that one of the German sausages actually contained a painting of the fallen madonna.

[@anophelesnow3957]

With ze big boobies.

[@slake9727]

With the big boobies?

[@michaelrobinson2687]

The fallen madonna?

[@siegfriedmeyke6631]

The Fallen Madonna with the big boobies.​@@michaelrobinson2687

[@MrIcelander]

Let's hear it for the danish speaking english like a german!

[@epiendless1128]

The Danes would arrest any spy who spoke Danish in a comprehensible accent.

[@kasperkjrsgaard1447]

Actually I know a good one. A short briefing. In Denmark Juice like in orangejuice are pronounced with a mute J, so juice becomes use. Okay, one of our former PM’s, Poul Schlüter, was attending a meeting with Margareth Thatcher in London and after the meeting PM and some of the british civil servants went out for a drink, together with the Danish PM’s wife. The missus didn’t drink so the PM asked the bar keeper in a wide thick accent; “I would like one beer and do you have any juice (use) for my wife”. Slight giggles around i’m told.

[@cacauldr]

Bless Alan Davies's happy inner child.

[@Zephyrbal]

A number of German prisoners once tried to escape by raft from what a map they have procured told them was a near by river. In the dead of night they made their escape, reached the river, and threw their raft and themselves in the river soon, they hoped, to be whisked away to freedom. Unfortunately this POW camp was in Arizona and we don't have water in our rivers. They were found the next day quite disappointed and confused.

[@medievalist]

Awww, kind of have to congratulate them for the effort.

[@ilh8312]

Sorry, what do you mean, "no water in your rivers"? Was it a dry season or something?

[@Lukecash2]

Il H As a former resident of Arizona, there are places of high dessert, where its rains very rarely. So they have known "washes", areas were rivers of water form during rain. They are usually formed due to water coming off of the mountains miles away.

[@nocalsteve]

II H - You must be German.

[@lceb91]

Il H I’m from the southwest as well, these are dry rivers where rain water is diverted to, these washes are called arroyos. It rarely rains here so these rivers are almost always dry. Our maps show active rivers. We even build bridges on them.

[@Widdekuu91]

Any German spies in the Netherlands were asked to say 'Scheveningse kacheltjes' (heat-radiators from Scheveningen.) And many of them pronounced it wrong.

[@CosmosesJones]

yehman, if youre not dutch you will not be able to say Scheveningen 100% properly

[@ala0284]

I wonder why...

[@lancer525]

And thus is the real life version of "Shibboleth"...

[@gwishart]

Similiarly, one of the test phrases used to identify German spies in Britain was "Warwickshire beat Worcestershire by seven wickets".

[@Xevailo]

@@gwishart I just realized I'd make a terrible spy both in the netherlands and britain. My disappointment is immesuraeable and my day is ruined.

[@marccolten9801]

Saw an actual training film for OSS agents with lessons like how to be inconspicuous and not make stupid mistakes like carrying money that was withdrawn years ago or using hair gel only available in your homeland.

[@CharizardMaster69]

wait what.

[@ReegusReever]

"I've had a cider, Hampf..." Gold.

[@anotheraccount7637]

All zah tings!

[@petermaughan2519]

And Richard Osman was never heard from again...

[@amac2612]

what did he say? he mumbled

[@petermaughan2519]

"A lot of them have mended their ways"

[@Widdekuu91]

+Peter No, that's the Russian way.

[@vagabondwastrel2361]

They really didn't mend their ways. They just chose to take over europe through diplomacy and a fiction of democracy. The history of the eu and seeing how it actually functions will shock anyone from supporting the EU as a institution.

[@telectronix1368]

@@vagabondwastrel2361 Yeah yeah.....

[@robertaclermont9241]

This has been the most interesting (and civil) string of comments I have ever read. Quite interesting even. Thanks to all.

[@brianbitner]

Sandi's laugh.

[@ToxicLucozade]

Surprised Tarrare wasn't mentioned

[@JanderStrahd]

The first name I thought of.

[@XiuLiwa1996]

That first guy reminds me of Archer

[@presidentwoodrow]

I WANNA FLY THE TRAIN

[@zolerox6410]

Don't mention zee war

[@medievalist]

I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.

[@RobRidleyLive]

@@medievalist you started it

[@medievalist]

@@RobRidleyLive I invaded Poland!

[@ringostingo5892]

Shall I do the funny walk!? 🏃🏻‍♂️

[@RedSherbetDevil]

I knew Bettaney. Really nice guy actually. Told me I should become a priest.

[@fossy4321]

The most successful resistance fighter of WW2 was an old man who worked in a railway yard, all he did was to swap around the destination plates on freight wagons causing chaos.

[@binaway]

My father a POW in 1941 Munich rail-yards remembered destination, he called them papers, being swapped. Aircraft engines to the Eastern front and AA guns to an aircraft factory.

[@jcortese3300]

ALL the things. Wow. Not just a few, or even most. All of them.

[@mvl71]

Ve are back! Ve know zer answer to all zer things. Apparently it is 42.

[@RobRidleyLive]

Nien! '39 to be precise. Or arguable 6 x 9.

[@blackbird5634]

I met a spy once. He was an American who'd graduated from Yale in the 60's. At some point he was in Naval Intelligence, or was he? He had a mid-Atlantic accent, was living in a foreign country working on a novel about an obscure Austro-Hungarian nobleman that would never be finished, but required much research and travel. He had no personal attachments and was so slippery in speech and manner that I have trouble recalling his face, his age, and physical details. Nothing about him was remarkable except his forgettable nature. He was both there and not there. And he spoke in circles, coming back to things, and dropping them, and trailing off into vaguely hypnotic asides. If he wasn't a spy, he sure could have been.

[@raconbacon5649]

An overlooked part of this clip is where sandi says that some of them couldnt speak english. Not gonna be effective when being sent as a spy in england

[@RobRidleyLive]

Oddly, lots of SOE agents were inserted into Europe who only spoke English. You could make a distinction between spy and agent if you wanted to get pedantic.

[@raconbacon5649]

@@RobRidleyLive thats a bit of a strange choice. Its a bit of an obvious giveaway

[@Elgrug]

"My frienden he is zuh mute"

[@emmalarrr]

The irony of having an advert for the new Johnny English film before this 😂

[@jaysolves7533]

so touching for an excellent video

[@RobRidleyLive]

If our friends in Berlin did "disappear" Richard Osman, it would sort of prove his point wouldn't it.

[@philipmonihan8222]

Whenever I talk about Germany in WWII, I tend to stress "Nazi" or "Axis" so as not to offend the modern German. Or Italian. Or Japanese person.

[@Slavir_Nabru]

I imagine it would be hard to remain consistent. Do you refer to the red uniformed soldiers in the US revolutionary war as Georgians? Would you say China built the Great Wall to keep the Khan regime out?

[@philipmonihan8222]

@@Slavir_Nabru Admittedly, your examples haven't come up much in my life. I'd have to see at the time.

[@willch.2259]

But they were, in fact, still Germans, and Italians, and Japanese.

[@philipmonihan8222]

@@willch.2259 Yes, but I'd say very few of THOSE Germans, Italians, and Japanese are alive today. I don't believe in punishing people for the sins of the fathers... or even the mothers.

[@CarlosTehJackal]

One of the most effective British agents was a dead tramp named Glyndwr Michael. The British Intelligence dressed his body in a Royal Marine Major's uniform and gave him false papers and personal items identifying him as Captain (Acting Major) William Martin. They also planted correspondence between two British generals which contained details of a planned invasion of Greece and Sardinia. His body was set adrift off the southern coast of Spain and was found by Spanish fishermen. The 'neutral' Spanish government forwarded copies of his documents to the Germans who fell for the ruse and strengthened the defences in Sardinia and Greece while ignoring Sicily, the real target. Operation Mincemeat was a success.

[@supplican]

Just watched the film about this. Possibly a little dodgy on details but a brilliantly done film! Great script.

[@DomWeasel]

'Ve are going to put Henning into Inkland.'

[@atomicexistentialism8428]

"I would ask the audience to make Henning welcome, but statistically I know 52% of them want him to piss off back to Germany"

[@thomaselliot9750]

i have to.ty but must ask, why can't we see full qi episodes? they aren't available in usa..im confused how we are supposed to see these awesome shows.

[@canadianmoth]

Thomas Elliot they are often uploaded on youtube

[@JohnD640]

Aren't they on BBC America?

[@marksieving7925]

They're on DVD. I'm not sure they're available for Region 1, but I have a multi-region DVD player so that's not a problem for me. Any full episodes posted on KZbin get taken down pretty quickly for copyright infringement. They're not shown on BBC America. There's not much connection between BBC America and BBC, other than the name, and about the only BBC series that BBCA regularly carry are The Graham Norton Show and Doctor Who. It's mostly Star Trek reruns. The past three series of QI are on Britbox.com though.

[@thomaselliot9750]

only a few seasons are on dvd, and britbox is terrible,no eighth out of ten cats ? also yea the region is non usa but again not all seasons can be found. not legally..and id pay for a full dvd set of qi..and 8o10does. countdown. 😳

[@thomaselliot9750]

JohnD640 never is bbc tv..like brits see,never is it on bbc america. top gear n doc who, bout. it. we miss good shows,university challenge,sarah mcmilican television programme

[@redrb26dett]

British soldiers do use nivea and other cream’s you put it on before applying make up ie camouflage cream it stops you getting zitts and other rashers and skin complaints

[@personmcpeopleface266]

disappointed they didn't mention Tarrare

[@CJ_YT.]

Everybody looks like a teacher in this clip.

[@hgjfkd12345]

I like the nearly botched assassination of Archduke Ferdinand

[@EebstertheGreat]

Worth noting is that Michael Bettaney was probably not a spy for the Soviets when he was arrested for public drunkenness, though that is not certain. He worked as an intelligence officer for the counterespionage unit of MI5, and I assume that is what he meant when he said, "I'm a spy!" The usual story is that he knew this arrest and others would lead to his dismissal at his upcoming security review, and this (combined with his Marxist politics) inspired him to try to pass confidential documents to the Soviet embassy in London. Michael Bettaney was still alive when this clip was posted, and by all accounts still a Marxist. He died August 16, 2018.

[@beaconterraoneonline]

Alan Davies is brilliant

[@epicquad101]

Anyone know what this outro is?

[@vicchung]

What did Alan say at 0:28?

[@barnabyg6808]

I put forward James Bond as the worst spy, he always gets caught but miraculously manages to get away, that’s not how espionage is supposed to work bond!!

[@shotforshot5983]

read "operation mincemeat"

[@jp4431]

Does anyone know the name of the outro piece?

[@RetiredBrass]

I would like to know too!

[@Idlehampster]

I didn't know NileRed was on this panel!

[@AlphaPsyka]

Ah but we have now heard of them

[@KonradSchK]

Why does Sandi sign say Nøgleperson: the danish word for keyperson'

[@aquarius4953]

I wonder if a certain James Bond would have been a good spy in the real world .

[@davew4998]

Not with everyone expecting him.

[@qualifiedidiots2165]

Did Archer work for MI6?

[@RobRidleyLive]

He isn't at liberty to tell us

[@luuketaylor]

Sterling Archer, eat your heart out.

[@Xevailo]

"YOU CANT ARREST ME, I'M A SPY!! LANA, TELL THEM I'M A SPY!!!!"

[@levimcglinchey5843]

Oh Richard, you are ze vurst

[@mrunseen3797]

Levi McGlinchey ze Wurst

[@omarkhan5223]

zay broughtVurst peeple

[@davidfrommont3011]

Any spy that you know of is a bad spy...

[@RobRidleyLive]

Not if you're their handler one might imagine

[@Sennaxm71]

That makes James Bond the worst spy ever 😂

[@lukebanks6798]

Did you know that ‘Nøgleperson’ means ‘Key Figure’ in Danish? Alright Sandi! Nothing like being modest!

[@RobRidleyLive]

A less literal translation would of course be "Chairwoman" which seems appropriate. (I'm sure you knew that).

[@wezzuh2482]

why are the signs on their counters in Danish?

[@pearkore6821]

Tamun Shud, Harold Holt...

[@magmafang7187]

Bunny? ??

[@odinvik7821]

Frode Berg

[@James-kv6kb]

I once went to a German Chinese restaurant half an hour later I was hungry for power

[@RohenBlackwolf]

Sometimes the British are a bit harsh towards the german resistance.

[@medievalist]

There were a number of groups, but they didn't really have much in common, so weren't overall very effective, sadly.

[@Forgotten-dude]

Me! I mean not me...

[@susyward581]

Don’t give him your name Pyke

[@RasPutintheGreat]

This is funny!

[@vilstef6988]

I always thought James Bond was probably the worst spy ever. What a showboat!

[@civishamburgum1234]

Hey! Don't just cut off ze second before te adress!

[@CratesOfPlates]

I was in Vietnam and I saw a group of German tourists taking a photo while pulling their eyes to make them look narrow... so don't know if they're mending their ways.

[@AudieHolland]

Operation North Pole *or* How British SOE was even more idiotic and incompetent when preparing and sending double agents back into Europe. or how British SOE aided the war effort significantly by performing a cold and cunning feint. Small price: 50 Dutch agents caught and executed by the Germans. *if* the effort saved tens of thousands of Allied soldiers.

[@andrewhoneywell5244]

Sent as a distraction.

[@bombud1]

If you are a known spy, you aren't very good at it.

[@RobRidleyLive]

Known to whom one might ask.

[@ItsThatVogue]

I don't get the bunny rabbit joke

[@jonathanroom5843]

Shadow puppetry...

[@RobRidleyLive]

Think shadow puppets

[@ItsThatVogue]

@@RobRidleyLive Still don't get it

[@ItsThatVogue]

@@jonathanroom5843...?

[@ItsThatVogue]

OHHHH HE'S TALKING ABOUT THE PHOTO

[@cloudsRniceC0M3]

Does you know tzé way toez thé kwéén

[@spencerraney4979]

The spy who asked for cider, he wasn’t a youngish man, who was tall and thin, and who was referred to by a short, round man as “you stupid boy”, by any chance.

[@leedoughty3148]

Really should be called the Adam show. Longest running panelist, funniest man on television and just seems like a great guy.

[@696190]

Alan

[@CashelOConnolly]

Would someone shut Davies up,jeessssus

[@personmcpeopleface266]

Terrare was the worst spy

[@nathanglover8437]

Pity a woman alone.. with the worst spies in London 🎶

[@philiphicks1273]

The worst spies...it’s a movie the writes itself....!

[@dehro]

Mata Hari was rubbish, actually

[@TheHutchy01]

Who were the worst spies in history? All those Russians lately.

[@MrZashiratori]

*Does Alan Davies ever shut up?*

[@izaakwedgwood9153]

Anyone north Korea sends to south Korea

[@richtea615]

I’m glad Germany’s ambition to take over Europe is consigned to the past. 😇

[@yngmalm]

I was briefly upset because I thought Aisling Bea had gotten bad plastic surgery.

[@nannyturtle7342]

😂

[@Kermit_T_Frog]

Donald Trump?

[@NibberKSmooth]

After they have killed millions of innocent people, we have forgiven Germany. Wonder how long it will be till Afghanistan and Iraq forgive us?

[@pietskiet8763]

spying on " zee chairmans" ,, when your monarchy is littered wiff dem , , , , irony² !

[@Baskerville22]

Seems that this show has the top spot reserved for homosexuals

[@RobRidleyLive]

Funnier that you should feel butt hurt about it.

[@Kyle_CatNZ]

@Baskerville22 what's wrong with that?

[@jamesg6660]

You know, this is an incredibly ignorant comment. But I don't know what's worse, that, or that the responses aren't people explaining that that, you know, both Stephan and Sandi didn't get the position because of their sexualities, and that pointing out that they both happen to be gay is silly, but rather, people going "yeah, they did get the job just because they're gay. So what?". That's almost a worse attitude. Sandi replaced Stephan because she's a good host, that's it. It doesn't have the "top spot" reserved for homosexuals.

[@stubones]

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

[@MrPaulmorris7777]

It's time for Alan Davies to leave. He isn't funny.

[@odinvik7821]

Frode Berg