Top 5 Most HILARIOUS QI Rounds!

[@nathanglover8437]

Alan taking no time at all to realise that he didn't not want not to hear Giles' promisingly lengthy discourse on the English language :')

[@Ben-no4lz]

“Didn’t not”?

[@adamr5347]

Didn’t not want not to

[@IDKwhoIam25]

​@@adamr5347thanks mate, I thought i just needed to go to bed

[@jamesm9995]

You had one job …

[@happivaras]

His name is Gyles and he is very entertaining and delightful to listen to.

[@oscargill423]

David wheezing anew at each new facet of the giant tortoise story is so fun to watch.

[@heifer54321]

I am a major fan of "Do you know what they say of the Acropolis, where the Parthenon is?".... 5 solid minutes at Stephens expense, to get to "NO STRAIGHT LINES " Brilliant

[@margieguild519]

The Acropolis segment is pure comedy gold!!

[@zapkvr]

Funny as haemorrhoids

[@samanthahughes7783]

⁠@@zapkvrother people’s haemorrhoids can be funny. I used to call my old manager a haemorrhoid, as he was a bleeding little pain in the arse.

[@jimb9063]

Love the tragi comedy of the giant tortoise story. Reminds me of growing peas in the garden with the kids. We never quite managed to get any inside the kitchen to complement a meal, they're too frickin delicious! "This time we're going to do it! The kitchen is just over there!" num num num.

[@EnoVarma]

While Clarkson is a...divisive character, he's always a brilliant guest on QI.

[@peterclarke7240]

It's a shame. He's intelligent and can be very funny. Such a pity he's such a twat.

[@homo.incurvatus]

I was certainly pleasantly surprised.

[@Areyousayingidontknowmyname]

Give that man a sandwich ;)

[@Davidwv97]

He's very witty and a fast thinker. So it makes him the perfect guest for something like this

[@john.premose]

Uh, no. He's a twat, always. 💯

[@slake9727]

Giles perfected his filibustering skills as an MP.

[@samanthahughes7783]

Yes, he was MP for Chester. (My mum lived there while he was MP)

[@8lue8erry8]

Sandy getting a fact right during an angry rant then going on to host the show years later is such a divine coincidence.

[@RichAdase]

They say of the Acropolis where the Parthenon is...

[@4eyesinthecorner399]

And this is why I think Sandy is the best person who could’ve taken over Stephen’s role on QI - an absolute gem

[@Neilios1000]

Honestly, my reaction when I first hear Stephen was leaving was "Just end the show." Then I finished reading the paragraph where they said Sandi was taking over, and I was " Go on..." She's fantastic. The perfect replacement. It kind of makes me laugh that under Stephen, David Mitchell was a regular guest, and now that Sandi is the host Victoria Coren Mitchell is the more regular guest.

[@stunmunky2]

Sandy reminds me ever so slightly of Mrs. Doubtfire.

[@michaelmay5453]

As good as she is, she's no Stephen Fry. I'm sorry if this offends anyone but Stephen Fry is one of a kind and if I had my way he'd be hosting the show forever including after death. He's just that good that even after death he'd be superior to any other. That said, Sandy is great as well in her own way but she's not Stephen.

[@Neilios1000]

@@michaelmay5453 They are quite different, and trying to go for the same thing would have been a mistake.

[@4eyesinthecorner399]

@@michaelmay5453 Oh I totally agree, it’s just that unfortunately for us Stephen is but a mere mortal and so if anyone were to take over from him to keep QI going, I’m glad it was Sandy

[@majbrat]

Smiling was not a thing because first people sat for paintings for hours a day, for days and even weeks. Who could hold a smile so long. Then when photographs happened, you had to sit perfectly still for quite a long time whole the plate captured the image. Only automatic cameras allowed for more action shots and more fun poses.

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

Yep. I've got an original Tin-type photo of my Great Grandmother that makes Ma Baker look like a gentle caring soul! 😜🤣🤣

[@nathanglover8437]

"I was enjoying.." Oh well in that case blah blah "No I didn't mean I was going to come back to it" Oh :')

[@mesajom]

Father Ted: Dougal, these cows are very small, those cows are far away. Dougal: I don't get it Ted 😂

[@Your.Uncle.AngMoh]

2:06 Testicularis chocomaltum (Mars) is the wild Malteser. Native to the British Isles, discovered and named by the American candyologist Forest Mars Jr in 1937. 7:20 It's not "duck". It's almost never "duck". 14:00 Paat Boone recorded a cover of Fats Domino's "Ain't That a Shame"as "Isn't It a Shame"

[@FBFJDKOEUEURJFJDJ]

Boring!

[@ryanmcdonald4100]

Julian Clary's story about meeting the Queen is likely my favourite story!

[@SpeccyMan]

So not the story of him being tossed through a hatch by a Red Devil then?

[@robertcottam8824]

@@SpeccyMan Holy glory!

[@matthoward7645]

Good compilation do bloody miss Sean

[@dmkappa62]

Yeah I struggle watching 8 out 10…. Without him.

[@chadfife3265]

Stephen being confused how hetro sex works is the best

[@TheDaveCalaz]

The entomology of sabotage was amazingly interesting.

[@justinwilkinson8685]

The *study of insects* of sabotage? *correction* ETYMOLOGY.

[@rantdmc]

I didn't know this person was interested in sabotaging butterflies and moths

[@michaelkeaton5394]

The thing about the jacquard loom, is that before his version of the machine it was something done in the family. Each family had their looms and would either sell or use it's products, but they were complex dangerous machine and often operated by children. Jacquard made his loom to be simpler smaller, more practical to help families in their clothes making. The problem was merchant, in a quest to improve profit, would buy lots of these loom and put them in a factory. Which did reduce the price of clothes but also took away a vital income for french families. They then would have to send their children in cities to work in those loom factory to make up the income they lost, which of course put the child at great dangers being alone in a city working on machine that would often take your hand or fingers off... So during the revolt of the canut (French cloth workers pf lyon) they would destroy jacquard loom, not for a hatred of technology but because of the risk it put them at...

[@bruhmoment1835]

They didn't 'have to' send their children anywhere. They sent them in pursuit of the same profit that they broke the jacquard looms in pursuit of.

[@michaelkeaton5394]

@bruhmoment1835 a profit they lost when it became cheaper to buy factory fabric, a profit which was vital in the early years of capitalism, so indeed they had to send their children to the city otherwise without this income they would starve. This is a very well documented fact. They also didn't break the jacquard loom because it took their profits, they broke it because they were dangerous and not as well maintained in factories as they were in a single household, and would injure and wound the users which were often children...

[@Bazroshan]

11:47 the '...or not' is a tag question, so not part of the main question. It is negative; so, assuming that it is correctly formed, the main question must be positive - 'Do you want some points?' (or not).

[@Yashirmare]

You sidestep the question by replying "I would like some points" but I almost guarantee that was a klaxon.

[@christopherdean1326]

I once saw (no pun intended!) a medical saw designed for cutting through the skull prior to brain surgery. It was like a small circular saw but it was powered by.........clockwork.

[@synthonaplinth5980]

That's all we need at this point, litigious giant tortoises.

[@alexroxhissox]

I imagine the surviving handful might have a motion or two to bring before a court!

[@synthonaplinth5980]

@@alexroxhissox they certainly had enough time to study for it.

[@alexroxhissox]

@@synthonaplinth5980 I now have an image of a 200 year old, bespectacled, slow-speaking tortoise boring the pants off a judge lol.

[@synthonaplinth5980]

@@alexroxhissox it would be funnier if he had a monocle..."My lad, I was breaking tides long before you wore a wig..."

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

Should be appropriate! Horace R. Tortoise of the Bailey. And Leo McKern did only have 1 eye! 😉😊

[@samanthahughes7783]

20:26 Jason talking about his wife and her obstetrician going behind the curtain reminds me of the time when I had a bleed early on in my pregnancy (16 weeks) and I made my husband leave the room while the consultant examined me. The consultant looked at me weirdly and asked if he was the father, to which I told him yes, but I didn’t want him watching while another man was rooting around in my bits! The midwife leaned down next to my ear and told me that everyone else in the room understood. 😂😂

[@KCNusach]

Stephen ate a few tortoises between the first and aecond clip.

[@HiggsBosonBlues2020]

The first recorded successful C section of a non mythical being was carried out on the dying mother of the second mauryan emperor while giving birth to him some 2500 years ago.

[@t.c.thompson2359]

If the mother died its not a c-section.

[@HiggsBosonBlues2020]

​@@t.c.thompson2359 "The perimortem cesarean section, as described in its name, is the surgical delivery of the fetus, performed during or near the time of death of the mother." "Postmortem cesarean is delivering of a child by cesarean section after the death of the mother."

[@ThePhase-l2n]

I thought it was a Greenland shark that was the longest lived creature.

[@andyjay9346]

The giant tortoises again makes yet another appearance on Q.I. Anytime soon a fastfood restaurant chain may grab the idea if Q.I. keeps repeating it.

[@meintveldman4769]

Soooooo now we know why Cheetos still don't have a scientific name..

[@henkbangma3015]

12:35 Here Alan just tries to avoid that Gilles gets into some lengthy story.

[@kevbrown2532]

Tortoise and chips goes down nicely with mushy peas and a cuppa.

[@LaGuerre19]

"Mister Software" Genius

[@GleePotter8468]

13:38 exactly, it can be so complicated in french.

[@sk8690]

Without taking away from Sean and his glorious-ness, rewatching that RM clip was actually a little disconcerting. I think that RM was talking about his favourite subject with such intensity, to the extent that he is cut off by the class clown, is completely recognisable. It’s completely unimaginable that everyone else would find it boring. It’s a fairly common trait in some neurodivergent people. I’m being vague because I don’t want to be an armchair doctor, but I’d say there’s a reason he behaves that way. I’m really glad that I haven’t been crushed like that since school. My friends now realise that it can’t be helped, and either just change the subject or tell me what I’m doing. Without malice.

[@glockenrein]

Could you give a time stamp?

[@Evaunit98]

The lesbian and the gay man talking about conception while the two men with multiple children stare on in confusion is brilliant (I know Sandi has children but it’s still funny)

[@AkSamurai69]

"What do you think, darling, that's he's got a periscope!?" 😂😂 I couldn't help but think something along the same lines. What do you mean he's looking in that spot? Hows that possible?

[@TachyonKing]

I love that the all the guys are just laughing about the idea of the tortoises being so irresistible that they can’t get to the Royal Society to be classified, Jo meanwhile doesn’t say anything because she trying to imagine how tasty they’ll actually be

[@zapkvr]

One of the funniest bits ever on QI

[@phillwainewright4221]

If half the population was decimated, only one in twenty were killed. 16:14

[@DerEchteBold]

Haha, I don't think that's what the word means, are you a mathematician by any chance?! But of course, strictly speaking, it wouldn't mean half the population got killed.

[@DerEchteBold]

@@G.A.M.E. Is that from the OED? Merriam Webster has the original meaning listed as 1 ": to select by lot and kill every tenth man of" That's probably what the literal fellow was going by, maybe he was just joking. Anyways, to say "decimated half the population" is a bit weird for someone like Fry, cause technically it doesn't make sense at all, no matter by which definition. Especially since I'm pretty sure he once explained on QI what 'to decimate' really meant.

[@christianbuczko1481]

​@@G.A.M.E.decimation is the roman punishment of lining up a legion on a high bridge, then the officer walking along, and pushing every 10th man off to their death. Deci refers to 1/10th.

[@SpeccyMan]

@@DerEchteBoldGiven that that particular publication is full of spelling mistakes ...

[@DerEchteBold]

@@SpeccyMan Which one do you mean, the OED or Merriam-Webster?

[@jelt110]

There are 500,000 words in the English language, and I ,_still_ have a crush on Victoria Mitchell..

[@anygoodmedia]

There's no Latin name for Maltesers 🤣🤣

[@jfanz3521]

A gay and lesbian walk into a bar... They have an absolutely splendid conversation on where you should look during a babys delivery.

[@GrandPrixDecals]

Alan is the only contestant who gets to read all the questions before filming, according to Stephen Fry. Keep that in mind 😅

[@itseperkele181]

Nah, I dont think I will. I dont care if the whole show is scripted, as long as its funny and entertaining.

[@Bingpot_Cowabunga]

Comedy movies have scripts too

[@zapkvr]

Well im in two minds. In which one should I keep it?

[@RichardJones73]

And he still loses most of the time😅

[@markgillett2407]

You would think he would be funny then ?

[@ryancable4197]

I wish I had of known about this show when it was 1st aired

[@ambergris5705]

"Je ne sais pas" isn't a double negative in French, it's just that the negative is split around the verbe. You can remove one side or either for stylistic reasons ("je ne sais" sounds very erudite, "je sais pas" sounds childish) without affecting the meaning at all.

[@Spacetwerp]

VERBE?

[@RodneyMcMinge]

Every time i see Giles, i get a craving for waffles.

[@VikingClaw]

Actually, regarding the language English and German, German contains approximately 8 times more words than the English language

[@Darkside-origin]

German has 330000 words mate, english now has (as this is an old episode) 755875 words, but is not top of the list, that goes to Tamil with a staggering 1,516952. Words !

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

@@Darkside-origin And at least half of them reference the grades of strength, effectiveness and softness of toilet paper for use after a curry meal! 😱😵‍💫😈

[@dianecheney4141]

Dark Man for my daughter and Jeopardy for my son. What was on television while I gave birth

[@tadgmcloughlin6061]

Ah, I see mR Mitchell was trying to use the Douglas paradox!

[@raymondkymsuttle]

Humans desire to eat every creature they find is both bizarre & despicable.

[@camogrrl]

Mmmmm that insect looks delicious

[@dragonsdynamite6403]

It’s the largest dictionary because it combines/repackages 2-3 languages

[@robertcottam8824]

Yes. And?

[@dragonsdynamite6403]

@@robertcottam8824 well, it cheated to get that title

[@robertcottam8824]

@@dragonsdynamite6403 Righto.

[@morganspencer-churchill2136]

The Rev has a proper brain on him.

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

An Idiot Savant surely? Still believes in non-existent Celestial Sky Pilots! 😱🙄

[@aidangriffiths5075]

"We've been eating nothing but maggoty bread for 3 stinking days!..... yeaaaaaaa, why cant we have some meat ?....... what about them? They're fresh!.... looks like meats back on the menu boys" Sailors scream and ferociously eat the tortoises 😂😂

[@leonardhirtle3645]

The poor tortoises.Humans are such heartless bastards.

[@RobespierreThePoof]

If these tortoises are THAT delicious, why are we not farming them? Who wants to do a start-up of a giant tortoise meat farm? We can call it Darwin Delicacies

[@matthewparker9276]

Because farming them is slow.

[@nicosmind3]

Cause they're low in numbers, and the rarest biggest kind went extinct

[@frankparmenter7800]

They are a protected species and only the Australian Aboriginal are allowed to hunt and eat them.

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

@@frankparmenter7800 No Giant Tortoise species in Australia, mate. But you are correct about some of the resident Sea Turtles and freshwater ones. Most Aboriginals now hunt with the traditional weapons of Stessel Craft, Yamaha and Winchester.

[@squiglemcsquigle8414]

They breed slow and are monogamous and they dont have big clutches. And take decades reach a size at which you can get any meat of them at which point you spent more raising it than you would get for selling it

[@mesajom]

07:45 Very interesting about software

[@granthurlburt4062]

That's just not true about giant tortoise classification. The Aldabra giant tortoise (Seychelles) was formally named in 1812 (Aldabrachelys gigantea) & the Galapagos Giant tortoise in 1824 (Chelonoidis niger, Quoy & Gaimard, 1824). Since Phylogenetic Classification has replaced the Linnean system, and DNA studies have allowed unprecendently accurate and fine-grained tracing of evolutionary relationships, the taxonomic classification of many if not most animal species on earth, including Humans, has changed. I love Stephen Fry and his knowledge but he can be howlingly wrong

[@peterclarke7240]

You do realise he isn't doing anything other than reading out what's on the auto-cue and the cards on his desk?

[@briantaylor858]

Stephen said the tortoises were discovered in 1535. The dates they were named seem close enough to 300 years later that I wouldn't call the gap "howlingly wrong".

[@zachm2331]

Jo Brand is so underrated. 🤣

[@TheAlchemycast]

I love Gyles Brandreth lol

[@zapkvr]

Try spelling his name properly then

[@TheAlchemycast]

@@zapkvrI don't understand why you had to be so rude about it. Plus, Giles is the far more common spelling so I would imagine you could understand the mistake, but clearly cutting anyone any amount of slack is above you.

[@Robbiebob61]

He spells his name with a ‘y’

[@rickyneedham9060]

​@@zapkvrhe did spell it right

[@rickyneedham9060]

​@@TheAlchemycast you spelled it correctly so don't need any slack cutting some other people need to check things before I trying to correct others

[@dragonsdynamite6403]

I relate to pistachios more than chocolate. Perhaps that’s why I’m not obese line too many are Especially packs of monkey nuts. 21st century ‘equivalent’ to our hunter/gatherer genes

[@bookerwills8649]

Id expect fry to know what decimated means... half the irish population was decimated so. 10 percent of the 50 percent lived. The other 50 did because they werent in war. So thats 55 percent of irish population left... i think i did the math right

[@smthB4]

Fry said that half the Irish population were decimated by Cromwell - which would be 1/10 (decimated) x 1/2 = 1/20 Is he misusing the word decimated just to mean killed or destroyed?

[@smthB4]

Actually he mentions 1/10 just as the clip fades……😊😂

[@DneilB007]

Half of the Irish population, in a wartime context, = the males; decimated = 1/10; therefore, Ireland lost 10% of the adult male population during the war. Pretty straightforward I think.

[@peterclarke7240]

No. He was using the word in its current meaning: to destroy large swathes of an area or people, not its original Roman meaning of punishing a military unit by killing 1/10th of the soldiers. Words and their meanings change over time.

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

@@peterclarke7240 Especially when you let Americans and the current uneducated Texting Generation at 'em! 🙄

[@molealto]

This list is wrong. There is no Monsieur Clicky or Big Graham Osmond.

[@dragonsdynamite6403]

We sacrificed that species to able us to eradicate more

[@drunkwatch1468]

They say of the Acropolis...

[@QIKUGAMES-QIKU]

17:34 lost me right here😢

[@Ilovefotz]

The phrase Sandi said in Danish was grammatically incorrect.

[@RobespierreThePoof]

Really? But she's Danish-born and hardly an unintelligent woman. Let's just assume she had one of those moments we all have when trying to switch back and forth between languages. Its a bit like suddenly changing gears in your brain

[@Ilovefotz]

@@RobespierreThePoof from that sentence I would comfortably say that she is not fluent in Danish as she got the basic ordering of a sentence wrong. Let`s assume she was going to say "many years ago people thought..." She said "de tenkte mange år siden" (this is the wrong way to start this sentence and she has also forgotten to say "for" before mange). She should have started the sentence with "for mange år tenkte man/de" I agree that people might momentarily forget a word when switching between languages , but you`d never completely fuck up the structure of a sentence.

[@SpeccyMan]

@@IlovefotzStrangely enough, I see it all the time here in the comments section. Poor English sentence construction .

[@neilgerace355]

13:40 Eydie Gormé disagreed.

[@lionelpink7187]

Do you not want sweets or not? My mother said this to me one day..and my answer was yes...mum was a tricky one... 😳😏and so was l..

[@squiglemcsquigle8414]

:( i wanted to hear giles' story ;-;

[@RonTodd-gb1eo]

I would dispute the Civil war killed the greatest number of British soldiers. It killed English soldiers Scottish soldiers and Irish soldiers. None of them would have called themselves British.

[@samuelprince4719]

If they're so delicious why can't we breed some for eating. I want to try a giant turtle so bad now. It's almost cruel that we can't eat them haha also they come with their own bowl. Gutted.

[@theoztreecrasher2647]

I'm waiting for someone to start up a world chain of Melanesian/Polynesian ethnic cuisine restaurants. "Long Pig on a Spit" should go well and there's absolutely no shortage of ingredients in the modern World! 😉😊

[@Spacetwerp]

​@@theoztreecrasher2647 I hope you're the first one.

[@30daymissionman]

I will never get over the fact that Alan Davies attacked and injured a homeless man

[@synthonaplinth5980]

Well, his ex-fiancee did say that he was a bit of a git....

[@DerEchteBold]

@@synthonaplinth5980 Haha, of course the statements of ex-whatevers must always be true ; ) I'd say if that guy was really insulting him non-stop it was rightfully so.

[@mikeggg5671]

So let me see if I understand this. You are taking the side of a vagrant who assaulted him, over a non vagrant who was the victim of an assault? You do understand how screwed up that is?

[@synthonaplinth5980]

@@mikeggg5671 *grabs popcorn and proceeds to enjoy the show*

[@RobespierreThePoof]

​@@mikeggg5671meh. Best to assume that the police handled the situation on their own just fine without any of your opinions

[@La_sagne]

i wanna eat a giant tortoise

[@AJsMillions]

Was do do this in Danish a double positive? Language is ridiculous!

[@Bazroshan]

16:13 Half the population were decimated??? Come along Stephen, you can do better than that.

[@jtr200747]

Hun skal ikke forsøge at tale dansk. Pinligt 😂

[@beady123]

"Its not unusual" isnt a double negative

[@simontay4851]

Yes it is. Same as saying "it is usual".

[@dianecheney4141]

They’re original name was tastes like chicken

[@slake9727]

*their

[@egyptology22]

Sandy the hard-core lesbian makes me not want to watch my favourite show anymore. Just don't find her funny or watchable.

[@grantm6514]

What issue do you have with Sandy?

[@jamesm9995]

Which is your favourite shoe ?

[@egyptology22]

@@jamesm9995 the middle one. Shit I just realised my mistake

[@jamesm9995]

@@egyptology22 I couldn’t resist, sorry.

[@egyptology22]

@@jamesm9995 all good mate. I would have done the same