Terrorists Mess With the Wrong People | Tales From the Bottle

[@Qxir]

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[@urlv.]

Nice

[@Ohhiohh]

Howdy

[@Cringe34R]

Nice

[@heylucky2908]

Nice

[@KelpyGYT]

Nice

[@nolandevine8722]

"Ahmed seemed to have some sort of combat training..." "But Clarkson grew up in Glasgow." Glaswegians, best fighters out there.

[@tommycockles2947]

Ahmed was lucky he didn't get a glasgow Kiss

[@laurencew5220]

@@tommycockles2947 is that the same as a liverpool kiss Just with a Scottish accent

[@anthonymitchell8893]

blade /razor merchants

[@douglasherron7534]

@@anthonymitchell8893 That's a "Smiley" not a Glasgow Kiss (headbutt).

[@anthonymitchell8893]

@@douglasherron7534 ha ha I know my mate from Glasgow used to say the suicide mental cu mb ie tweet tweet the Maryhill fleet ding do ng the Calton tong

[@eagleclaw006]

"He was stopped by a concrete pillar." Even the airport fights back.

[@ilikeships1704]

Xd

[@imaginingmimi4234]

LOL

[@user_name35tdekb4]

Lmao

[@IanS2006]

The airport be like: bitch you gonna break my door i am gonna break your plans

[@zerumsum1640]

ever wonder why the frames of airport doors are unusually thick? this is why. They thought of that ahead of time. Nowadays there's usually bollards though.

[@Wynnie1121]

There was a campaign to buy the guy who tore the tendon a pint. He now has a lifetime supply of alcohol

[@_BLANK_BLANK]

That would last me about a week.

[@heliveruscalion9124]

@@_BLANK_BLANK to be fair i think it's a lifetime supply of booze money

[@Wynnie1121]

@@_BLANK_BLANK lmao

[@ve2vfd]

A lifetime supply to a normal person... he's from Glasgow, it should last him a week or two...

[@Wynnie1121]

@@ve2vfd ah good point

[@steveblog1]

I was never prouder to be a Glaswegian than on that day. Billy Connolly joked that a picture of the burning terrorist being kicked in the balls, should be the first thing people see in arrivals as they get off the plane 😆 Frankie Boyle thought it was a bit pointless bringing religious violence to Glasgow, or Scotland in general, as we've been doing it for hundreds of years without their help 🤣 Welcome to Scotland! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@handysmith-kv1tc]

There is hope for you folks yet!......In spite of your politicians!

[@rlevitta]

Yes - Billy Connolly was brilliant in his bit about this.

[@alanfox691]

The Airport is in Paisley, not Glasgow.

[@jimmy2k4o]

Frankie Boyle: those guy do t even have football teams for each religious side, they’re amateurs.

[@jamespuffer2889]

I think Frankie had a bit about it in one of his specials too. I distinctly remember him having a line about “a flaming man, who got kicked in the balls!” Such an amazing story to begin with, the Scottish angle just makes it that much better.

[@DominikMaslyk]

As a Polish guy who’s lived in Scotland for nearly 15 years now I can safely say that Scots are interesting people. They’re kind but you wouldn’t want to piss them off.

[@ufoclips1]

We`re very nice....until you are not.

[@williamrae9954]

Least you Poles get our humour...on the morning after the Brexit vote,i texted my Polish workmate,saying, "All Poles to meet at the Ryanair desk,Glasgow Airport by midday!"...Polski texted back; "Fuck off",ha ha :)

[@DominikMaslyk]

@@williamrae9954 Lmao I guess we do

[@ufoclips1]

@@Combinehuntsmanunit I love nothing more than watching a bully being taken down,well done.

[@Englishman_and_mountains]

They're inviting them

[@Phoebe457]

“They would take the jeep to Glasgow International Airport” their first mistake was thinking they could taken down the beasts that Glasgow creates

[@REDI____]

Yeah shows how little they knee, the poor children

[@grmpEqweer]

Glasgow...seems like the people there are pretty awesome.

[@wikihowfrog9034]

@@grmpEqweer we are

[@jonathanwilliams1644]

@@wikihowfrog9034 The real question is, are there any specky bams in Glasgow?

[@wikihowfrog9034]

@@jonathanwilliams1644 At least 200

[@beedubree2550]

something else really funny about this is that the dude who set himself on fire had a cellphone on him and the heat from the fire was so intense that the phone started to melt and ended up literally fusing to his body

[@tearfulsmiles9901]

"Hi, I'm trying to reach Peter Griffin?" "You're in him."

[@bean_eater1209]

Like one of those running belts

[@scheimong]

Ouch

[@grugg3108]

Thing about LI-Ion batteries is that they put out a gas that produces hydrofluoric acid when it touches moisture (like your skin)

[@Ebani]

@@grugg3108 Where do you get moisture from a guy burning? 🤔

[@morganfinlayson619]

As a “Chad scotsman” myself this is one of the most Glaswegian things I’ve ever heard and it makes me extremely proud of my homeland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿😂

[@mrneutral8423]

As an English guy, I fucking salute you.

[@ezura4760]

It really is! Lol 😂

[@SSD_Penumbra]

What's even more glasqegian is Smeaton's words on the news after it had occurred, still in his baggage handler's uniform. *"To any terrorist out there; don't come to Scotland. We'll set about ye"*

[@ZombieSazza]

I got lost in Glasgow years ago (I’m from the highlands in a tiny village, Glasgow is so HUGE) and this older lady walked me to the bus station, it was a 20 minute walk, but she was determined to make sure I was safe. When I visited Glasgow in 2017 for Pokémon Go fest I stayed mostly around the Buchanan central area, my mobility had become more limited over time since my first ever visit (mostly bedridden with a walking cane now), and some local players asked if I wanted to join them with some raids! Group of lads, never met them before, soooo friendly, they took regular breaks with me, didn’t make me feel bad for not being as mobile, and asked what my interests were. Told them history and art and they took me on a tour around the city centre, showing me so many beautiful murals and lovely historic buildings (including the 1500’s building I forget the name of). At the end of our Pokémon/art adventure they walked me to the bus station and added me on Facebook. Glasgow is such a lovely place, I don’t visit very often as the size of the city overwhelms me, but I’ve always had a really lovely experience. The Pokémon lads adopting me really made my day, still talk to them and send them Pokémon go gifts daily to this day!

[@surprisedchar2458]

“He noticed the terrorist had combat training, but he grew up in Glasgow.” The only American equivalent I can think of for this is someone taking down a gunman with precision defilade fire because he grew up in Detroit.

[@E-Brightvoid]

Or Chicago.

[@revmo37]

Or Pittsburgh

[@MorbidMindedManiac]

or America

[@manticore_9978]

there is no american equivalent

[@kewuo]

Perfectly accurate

[@thetman0068]

“They drove it to Scotland...” Well there was your first mistake.

[@shannonlopez2295]

I had the exact same thought! LOL!

[@M1chael42O1]

@@shannonlopez2295 same

[@misterprecocious2491]

@B B they don't kill there own people

[@redpilledcovfefe]

FN hilarious!!

[@b.e.a.r6127]

As a Scott this is very true

[@boabdownunder]

I love the fact that in Scotland our first reaction to a guy on fire is to kick him in the balls

[@michaelbastin9851]

that is too funny whahaha

[@brendamuirhead483]

I’m so proud of my countrymen 😂😂😂

[@blackbull7717]

I just want to remind you of the fact, that the fire was already extinguished when he got kicked... Seriously, this is one of the greatest and most badass stories for a long period. I like it...

[@steve5825]

😂😂😂

[@markberry3494]

Then ask for alight ! 😆 🤣 😂

[@quiteabizarreone6441]

Only an Irishman would tell a story about car-bombs with this much enthusiasm

[@0_dearghealach_083]

Oi!

[@zodarian6705]

🤣🤣🤣

[@KingKatRider]

Nah, them dudes that wears dress's and a pillow's on there heads got them whooped, you just cant understand what they are trying cough up.

[@sopwithpuppy]

Not true! Billy Connolly, a Glasgow-born comedian and raconteur, describes this attack in his stand-up comedy routine. That is hilarious!

[@LeleiTheTigress]

It doesn't help that the very incompetent "terrorists" were so terrible at being terrorists that it's funny

[@ally_crawford]

I remember the - TAXI DRIVER KICKS TERRORIST IN BALLS SO HARD HE BREAKS HIS FOOT" - headline in one of the papers at the time

[@RaptorJesus]

Man basically broke his foot off in their ballsack, and if he ever has to pay for a drink again in his life, we've failed as a species.

[@runsinbackground]

Me too! As a Yank, I always thought it was some tabloid bullshit, like the Daily Mail running around and photographing drunks. It's nice to finally have an answer!

[@Pennywise12528]

The version I read also specified that the terrorist was on fire at the time. Apparently not quite true timeline-wise - dude was already out - but I can't blame anyone assigned on writing about this fibbing a bit to slide that into the title.

[@DannyIO]

me too, it was great, i couldnt stop laughing

[@RaptorJesus]

@@Pennywise12528 It gets better. Apparently the reason the guy on fire wasn't put out sooner is, in the words of an officer, "Let the f'er burn".

[@discussionsanddragons9178]

my favorite part was when police pepper sprayed a guy who was literally just casually walking around while *on fire* as if that was gonna fucking do anything at all.

[@wilderuhl3450]

They tried so hard. And got so far. But in the end it didn’t even matter.

[@poplil3934]

Hes on fuckin fire, you think a measly pepper spray is gonna do anything. Freaking fire would hurt more than pepper spray.

[@APersonOnYouTubeX]

@@poplil3934 the guy who tore his ligament kicking someone: bruh

[@yeeterrss3173]

@@wilderuhl3450 song reference?

[@Kitty-mb4hy]

@@poplil3934 didn't they put the fire out first?

[@bam-skater]

Imagine trying to bring religious violence to the streets of Glasgow, Al Queda doesn't even have a football team!

[@ianmclaughlin4043]

Brilliant

[@bucksteingold4334]

😂lmao

[@wcresponder]

Love it.

[@deltavee2]

Ah, give 'em a break...it's hard playing footie with a metal bomb for a ball while playing in sandals.

[@drewhyland9574]

Billy Connolly😉

[@dismalfist]

For our overseas friends, the translation of the heroic gent from 7:55 should be: "They may attempt to walk abroad in Great Britain and they may indeed attempt to disrupt us, in ways congruent with their demeanour, but the people of the United Kingdom have been tempered under tumult and strife and remain stalwart. And should they direct their endeavours towards the fine city of Glasgow they shall likely encounter the fine people of Glasgow, who will demonstrate to them the unacceptable nature of their terrorism, and however ON FUCKING FIRE you are they shall slap the fundamentalism out of you."

[@prettypuff1]

That speech has me motivated af

[@ArDeeMee]

This translation to „pretty“ English was sorely necessary, thank you! I really couldn‘t make out the words. I‘ll just translate it back to proper smack-talk in my head. =3

[@franklind.roosevelt7416]

Beautifully translated.

[@N.I.R.A.T.I.A.S.]

"Glasgow doesn't accept this. This is Glasgow. We'll set about you. That's it." One of the most Glaswegian things I've ever heard said. Love that city.

[@onlyhereforddebob8978]

I remember cheering at the news when he said 😂 beaming with pride

[@NUFCOfficial]

And now they elect psychopaths that want to flood the country

[@cueball6969]

"This is Glasgow, we'll set about you" - Why is this not the cities moto?

[@candyquahogmarshmallow8257]

@@NUFCOfficial sir, this is a Wendy's

[@NUFCOfficial]

@@candyquahogmarshmallow8257 no this is gregs

[@KAPPACHIO]

“I have trained years for this very moment, I’m drugged and can withstand kicks to my nuts” “I was born in Glasgow”

[@akmalrusydi2730]

Glasgow bloke flashed of his old sorrow madden memories before the man and decided to give his all force into the nuts and broke a tendon as a consequence

[@testaccount4191]

@@akmalrusydi2730 that is one hell of a kick

[@jasonlogan5765]

@@testaccount4191 he had to get some air from a kik like that

[@residentelect]

@@testaccount4191 That is actually what killed the geezer, not the Full thickness burns... During the autopsy the Pathologist found the man's testicles lodged in his airway from the force of the Tartan Spartan's big boot between the legs!

[@jasonlogan5765]

@@residentelect lmao 🤣😆

[@tylerray1368]

My great grandmother was on a hijacked plane once, and she made the people who hijacked it regret their choices pretty early on. And she kept making their lives worse and worse. This was in the eighties, a time when hijacked planes were normally safely landed in a field somewhere and negotiations started, or at least that was how it was in the United States. Nobody fought the terrorists, because everyone knew that as long as nobody caused a scene nobody would get hurt. Great Grandma didn't subscribe to this policy. When the negotiations began the terrorists released some kids, a priest or nun, I can't remember which for the life of me, a few of the (surprisingly many) pregnant women, and a few elderly women, including my upper 70s great grandmother. She refused to get off. The terrorists had guns and, if I recall correctly, a bomb. My great grandma was a 5'2" Irish woman with a limp, who had come to America nearly forty years ago, whose husband had served in World War Two, and who weighed 100 lbs soaking wet. But she refused to get off the plane until every single child and pregnant woman was let off. Every. Single. One. The terrorists had tried scaring her off, but there wasn't much they could do. Shooting her would only result in their deal being compromised, and she was just a little old lady. What harm could she do? It turns out, a lot. The terrorists started walking around, grabbing valuables from people. When they reached great grandma they demanded her purse and her wedding ring. She, armed with only a hardwood cane and all the anger an Irish lady could muster, looked them in the eye, took a breath, cussed them out, and said that she had been wearing that ring for over fifty years, and it was not going to be removed from her, and neither was her purse: period, end of sentence. They tried waving their guns about, but got nowhere. They ended up moving on to the next person. Now, something that should be known about my great grandma is that she was a devout Catholic all of her life. And no terrorists were gunna stop that. So, she started talking to a few other women on the plane. Of course, the terrorists had forbade the passengers from talking to each other. Again, they tried to scare her off. Great grandma decided she had the biggest balls on the plane and called their bluff. She told them to shoot her. They didn't. And then, whilst being held captive by religious terrorists, she started a fucking Catholic prayer circle. In an airfield in Beirut and Algeria, while being held at gunpoint. A group of nuns who happened to be onboard joined in. This gave rise to a few other brave souls. And they all prayed to their God for the safe release of everybody on board. You would think this is a knitting circle for her. She's making friends and praying, all whilst her life is hanging in the balance, with her ten plus kids and eight plus grand kids are at home, watching the news and knowing she was on that flight. The terrorists agree to let all the kids and women off the plane. Grandma is told to leave, although at this point it might have been better to have her stay on and drive the terrorists to surrender. Of course, she doesn't go first. No, she gets up and makes sure all the kids are off the plane and that she's the last woman aboard. Then she leaves. With her purse in hand and ring on her finger. And she thanks the terrorists for their time, and says she'll pray for their souls. Imagine this: you're a terrorist, and just hijacked a plane. That all went as well as to be expected, and now you and your buddies are in the middle of negotiating for whatever you want. Everything is going perfectly, and soon this can be behind you. Maybe you can retire to a nice beach somewhere. You go to lead this sweet little old lady who in hindsight you realize was probably some sort of crazed angel in disguise, who just doesn't care about anything that had happened in the past however long since you and your buddies hijacked her plane. And you know fear. This is gunna get buried, but great grandma deserves to have her story told. She died in 2005, and was an amazing woman. For those asking for proof: legacyofgena.medium.com/the-real-story-of-the-1985-hijacking-of-twa-flight-847-e091f4acf7ef It was the 1985 TWA flight 847 hijacking- it was in Beirut and Algeria, not America (edited): Great grandma was on her way home from a trip. Great grandma was one of the original 19 women and children let go, but refused.

[@Prodawg]

god damn

[@secktuss9610]

what plane was this?

[@spruceg00se]

Not buying it

[@ryanbauer3680]

I hate to break to you friend, but your great grandmother didn't just decide to have the biggest balls in the plane. She HAD the biggest balls on the PLANET. Rest in Glorious Peace, Tyler Ray's Grandmother. The world needs more women like you in it.

[@cliffordcrimson7124]

Which incident was this? I'd love for your creative fiction to be true but this makes no sense. Hijacked planes were never landed in a field because that's completely retarded. Maybe you meant an airfield because that's the only way any of this makes sense. Even then, a story like this with apparently nearly 100 surviving witnesses would surely not have gone untold in media.

[@karencrookshank4971]

I’m English and my husband was a Glaswegian. I remember this day well. I wasn’t in the least bit surprised by these events 😂 Glaswegians are a breed of their own 😂

[@wojtekpolska1013]

also props to the architect who designed the entrance to have a concrete pillar in the middle. If you are in a big city, especially in places like airports, you can see a lot of anti-terrorist designs hiding in plain sight.

[@52thephotoshop]

Terrorist attacks are so extremely rare and low impact is almost always not worth worrying about unless it's very cheap

[@OkenWS]

Not often it's hidden in plain sight in the UK. Have you seen the Palace of Westminster (Parliament) lately? Or some of our airports? You can't get near feckin anything with a vehicle. I feel like this is how utility workmen must have felt in the IRA days when every manhole cover they needed to jump down was welded shut.

[@Monkeybomb0]

@@OkenWS To bad the irish didint do the same for the loyalists..

[@TakadoGaming]

This isn’t a new technique, hell, the concrete balls outside a Target were originally to stop vehicles from going on the sidewalk in front of the store

[@thatoneguy611]

@@52thephotoshop that’s why they put up cheap but effective defenses

[@Pro1er]

"Stephen Clarkson saw from a distance that Ahmed seemed to have some sort of combat training as he battled police and civilians, but Clarkson grew up in Glasgow." LMFAO! Epic!

[@jasonwitkowski3734]

omg man I am laughing so hard. The narrator tone and pace was fucking brilliant. these two assholes never heard of Glasgow and failed to do any research on the people they were coming to attack!

[@worldcomicsreview354]

@@jasonwitkowski3734 "No, no, we're supposed to be terrifying them!"

[@jasonwitkowski3734]

@@worldcomicsreview354 I live and grew up on the south side of Chicago and pretty much got my ass kicked every other day and shot at every once an awhile, I moved to New Haven CT during my 20s and beat the shit out of some dumb twat who tried to rob me at knife point. It all happened so fast I hadn't realized I pissed my pants. The cops got there and arrested the kid an took my statement an everything an said I had to fill out paperwork, I'm to embarrassed to say anything but after 5 mins in the squad car in a perfect new England accent the cop asks "Does it smell like piss in the car?" In a perfect Chicago accent I didn't even know I had I said "Yeah, cuz I pissed my pants!" And he starts laughing at me and I start laughing with him after a minute of being complete dumbfounded. Anyway this story made me think of that and I laughed so hard I pissed my pants!

[@Kevin-mx1vi]

To those not familiar with the UK; Growing up in Glasgow is probably the finest unarmed (but not always) combat training on the planet. 😉

[@greengoblin876]

@@Kevin-mx1vi agreed, and they're slippery fucks too , but that probably comes from all the soap dodging lmao that terrorist must have had a groin protector in tho cos most weejies grow up playing football with bricks , and I'm surprised that after 2 good boots im the danglies he wasn't speaking like someone had shoved a whistle in his larynx

[@carlmanvers5009]

"This is Glasgow. We'll set about yer." That should honestly be written in Latin on the scroll work of the city coat of arms. Hoc est, Glasgow. Puteus set de te.

[@frankreberto9637]

The fact you know that in Latin you get a like for your trouble

[@Ass_of_Amalek]

that looks like some really shoddy latin to me

[@craigmurphy1204]

And the Glaswegian sayeth unto thee, "mon then you rocket"

[@johnladuke6475]

And the picture in the coat of arms should be one guy headbutting another in the face. Let the outsiders know how they shake hands.

[@TheMouseAvenger]

That is freaking AWESOME!!! ^_^ Underrated comment!

[@Hagar934]

I remember this well and as an Englishman I can honestly say I was so proud of the Scots that day great people

[@ezriderzzr7104]

"This is Glasgow, we'll set about ya!" that should be on a T-Shirt.

[@imfpredicts]

It is, I assure you.

[@imfpredicts]

Paisley was probably not the place to start with your quest for virgins.

[@georgejob7544]

Advice to terrorism, don't come here,for we will set about ye! Pair of arseholes bring terrorism tae Glasgow?? Ur ye daft ?

[@Johno1992]

Glasgow really should have adpoted that as its saying 😂

[@NetralFN]

In my neighborhood there is a lot of thieves getting beat up andand once ahem getting his live gone

[@IxodesPersulcatus]

Imagine throwing your entire life away for something as pathetic as a single act of giving a bunch of people a very bad day. *And failing at that miserably.*

[@jeypi__]

the more idiotic thing was that they had decent educational backgrounds, medical and engineering? that must have been expensive

[@StoneBox_761a]

i mean they did it in Glasgow Scotland thats a place where even terrorists dont want to tread because they are terrorists proof and everyone there has the fighting powers of a juiced up Irish person on vodka with steroids they are forces to be reckoned with!

[@El_Omar2203]

​@@jeypi__They could have become great examples of their people, but instead tried to become more fuel into the fire of Islamophobia

[@Hoganply]

​@@El_Omar2203Given that Muhammed was a bloodthirsty warlord with a child bride, the abundance of moderate Muslims makes a case for optimism.

[@orppranator5230]

@@El_Omar2203 Right, because fueling islamophobia is the worst part about their actions. Definitely.

[@REALdavidmiscarriage]

guy studied engineering and has a phd in ducking fluid dynamics and can’t build a proper bomb... wth

[@apophis259]

There isn't a huge market for duck fluids these days.

[@jacquesblaque7728]

Kinda short on study-skills and information-retention. IOW a dumbass.

[@yakacm]

Good point, it's not hard especially if you have access to terrorist info.

[@REALdavidmiscarriage]

@@apophis259 very funny and original you should become a comedian

[@jeg5438]

Blame it on the public educational system.

[@CascadianRanger]

Imagine trying to commit a terrorist attack, failing, and then realizing your in Glasgow with a crowd of scottish people already annoyed at having to wait for a train, but now doubly annoyed youve tried to kill them and moreso, probably delayed the train even more

[@ohnoitisnt666]

Airport.

[@StxnceUK]

“The Virgin terrorist vs The Chad Scotsman” lmao

[@billrich9722]

Wow. A meme.

[@mimiko8577]

can't kill anyone lol so bad OMEGALUL trihard 7 prison stream kekw

[@JohnGardnerAlhadis]

@@mimiko8577 Speak English.

[@ghandithesupremeleader9740]

@@JohnGardnerAlhadis speak *SCOOOOOOOOTTTTTIIIISSSSHHHHH*

[@thomashogg2341]

*Ned Scotsman, we don't have Chads here

[@steele_heart77]

This is arguably the most Glasgow response to anything.

[@testaccount4191]

until someone blows up a ice cream van

[@miguelnascimento2847]

It's incredible that most of the time people look away when someone is in need of help, caring more about self preservation than on helping someone, but alot of times during terrorist attacks the population will take action and try to beat the crap out of them if they have the chance. We need more strong people like this chads

[@Volvith]

It's because it doesn't matter where you're from, it doesn't matter what language you speak, at the end of the day, _we're sick and tired of these terrorist cunts._ Public trauma is a real thing, and if there's one thing those terrorists have achieved, it's that they've united every-fucking-one against them. That, *_and who doesn't want to say they kicked a terrorist in the nuts? ;)_*

[@MangaGamified]

Was kinda disappointed at the "beat him up" part, most of their damage were self inflicted like crashing and self-ignited and stuff, my countrymen in the philippines would probably try to throw rocks, sticks and debris first

[@apollomemories7399]

@@MangaGamified It's an airport entrance door area. There are NO rocks, sticks and debris in such an area. Scotland is in the First World, not 3rd world Philippines covered in filth.

[@gustavwood0064]

@@apollomemories7399 woah buddy, calm down a little bit okay?

[@apollomemories7399]

@@gustavwood0064 It was a simple statement of fact and nothing for you to get triggered about.

[@rickyfinn2763]

Love the fact you said "all enjoy" and had an Irish flag guy in arms with a Great British guy sharing popcorn. I'm English, and I love working in NI, the people have always been amazing. Love it.

[@barbaradyson6951]

Puts me in mind of when the IRA went to bomb a barracks in a van, but didn't open the back door of the van, so when they fired the rocket launcher they blew themselves up instead.

[@moonprincess500]

This should be in a video.

[@monkey_blu]

Ah, the typical FPS blunder.

[@ilikeships1704]

Hi

[@ilikeships1704]

Lol

[@ilikeships1704]

Just why did I say hi

[@marxunemiku]

as a Glaswegian myself I quite like this story

[@how_about_naw]

^^

[@onlyonewhyphy]

Everytime I get to relive our own terrorist attack on Glasgow, I laugh so much I need a breather.

[@marxunemiku]

@@onlyonewhyphy same.

[@grunt1705]

The biggest mistake was they pissed of the Scots. You don’t piss of Scots, believe me.

[@twatmunro9563]

The Scots are permanently pissed off. They're the only people who could possibly defeat Scousers in a whining competition.

[@SA-5247]

Lol right… like these people choose to live in that climate

[@millsbomb007]

@@twatmunro9563 but we both share a great sense of humour, and I'll take that la.

[@douglasherron7534]

No, their biggest mistake was trying to stop Scots from going on holiday... That's going to get you a kicking every time!

[@deltavee2]

As a Canadian with Highland ancestry.... Canadians are the nicest people in the world until they aren't. The results are not pretty. Been to Scotland years ago. Felt like home.

[@herpydepth3849]

I love this shonen battle where the lackey gets easily taken out but everyone of the main characters take’s turns taking on the main villain before finally the protagonist steps in

[@Kriegter]

"Terrorist" and "Scotland" simply don't appear in the same sentence unless it's "Terrorists run for life from Scotland"

[@thatgaming1940]

Or "Terrorists from Scotland"

[@stuartsibbald7394]

You don't bring terror to Glasgow, Glasgow brings terror to you.

[@justcaino9176]

Even the Roman Empire regretted coming to Scotland. So 2 fuqwits in a crappy motor...... More of an insult tbh... Lolz

[@Sierraomega1991]

@@justcaino9176 yup 2 Roman legions disappeared and no one knows wtf happened to then

[@synexiasaturnds727yearsago7]

@@thatgaming1940 menaces to society

[@christopher59544]

“but clarkson grew up in glasgow” killed me

[@missvida6251]

Lmao the UK equivalent to Detroit. Those Scots weren't buying that mess

[@yoboikamil525]

glasgow doesn't fuck around

[@modables]

@@yoboikamil525 why did I read this in a Scottish accent

[@sernoddicusthegallant6986]

"I mean the naivety of terrorists trying to bring religious war to Glasgow - were 400 years ahead of you guys, youve not even got a football team!" - Frankie Boyle

[@jed-henrywitkowski6470]

I hope you guys can once for all give the English the boot. Cheers, from a Yank.

[@jed-henrywitkowski6470]

Giving somone the boot, is another way of saying kiking them out, usually by some degree of force. I didn't consider that you guys know boot as the rear storage compartment of a motor car. (Trunk to US, hope you liked the double entrade).

[@jakemarshall360]

@@jed-henrywitkowski6470 We don't want to give the English the boot they're our friendly rivals we voted 55% to stay in the Union.

[@moyzzhernandez5712]

BLOODY IDIOTS.

[@conordarcy4663]

You've not even got a football team 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@mrmagoo.3678]

I was at Glasgow Airport the day this happened.. Missed the fight unfortunately.. Would have been a good story to tell.. Gotta love the guys who got stuck in though.. Sometimes standing and watching isn't a option! "This is Glasgow..We'll set about Ye!".. Love it

[@ComaDave]

As a frequent traveller to Glasgow...one who has walked through those very doors dozens of times...this Aussie was filled with pride, to see my second home town saying "Mon then". 💖

[@BuckfastConsumer]

Good..but Smeaton was a dick mate..He was from paisley

[@bushmanPMRR]

"This is Glasgow, we'll set about ya!" Absolute fucking legend!

[@stewrmo]

Smeeto! Top man.

[@jaymac7203]

"The people of Glasgow were less than impressed with these two muppets however" looool 😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂

[@caseyhamm4292]

‘to take that aggression out on civilians is despicable’ god i can certainly think of a FEW places in the middle east who need to hear this right now

[@sensei4042]

"The people of Glasgow International Airport were less than impressed" This is why you don't piss off Scottish people

[@satdownzebra]

This is a popular bed time story in Scotland.

[@jen30551]

🤣

[@jazzx251]

All Scottish school children are taught the "Glasgow Kiss" in PE, as part of their football training

[@totalutternutter]

I remember the news when they interviewed the guy that tackled them and he said " the English have done worse than this te us, this is Glasgow, folk'll set about ye"

[@AxxLAfriku]

I am the most famous man on YouTub! This is not bragging! This is the truth! The truth will set you free, dear to

[@ExpiredCornedbeef]

@@AxxLAfriku no.

[@tersethewurse2952]

I mean he ain’t wrong.

[@chrisb9360]

That's a mis quoyte. If you watch right to the end, you'll hear the actual quote by John Smeaton.

[@totalutternutter]

@@chrisb9360 John did more than one interview also you misspelled misquote

[@Monochrome2004]

this video has me in tears, im imagining some intense scene with these terrorists crashing the vehicle and one literally setting himself on the fire but then the public just lets out a defiant shout and jumps them i cant man's really walked up and knocked the dude out like it was nothing

[@thehopelesspragmatic6701]

As an American traveling abroad I remember one thing about Scotsmen: You don't fuck with country full of Rugby players, they will stomp you.

[@Volvith]

I think there's at least a couple centuries of Scotland pointing out the mistake in fucking around with them, if not well over a damn millennium, dating back to Rome. They're just built different. _Nobody ever learns though, apparently._

[@stermindelves4251]

As my late stepdad said “there’s only ONE thing that frightens an angry Irish man... and that’s an angry Scots man” they are a proud and fierce breed (for the record I’m English).

[@Sandwich13455]

Scots wére fróm Ulster originally.

[@TheMadmacs]

@@Volvith the mighty roman empire got to scotland and realised, '' fuck this furra caper, quick build a wall''

[@twatmunro9563]

@@TheMadmacs -- GTFO, the Romans built a wall around Chester, FFS. Chester is a city filled with women and homosexuals.

[@stewrmo]

My pal from school was one of the firefighters that responded that day. He decided to help the cabbie before even gazing at the crispy prick. Also, my sister in law treated the crispy prick in hospital, the nurses were dulling the tip of any needles he had to have injected. As Frankie Boyle said "Trying to bring religious extremism to Glasgow? Yous don't even have a football team!".

[@concept5631]

Why dull the needle?

[@jeypi__]

@@concept5631 because the sharper the object the easier it can penetrate and cut into stuff like kitchen knives with meat, a dull needle means that the nurses will need to put more force and effort into injecting him, in turn the crispy prick would feel the nurses pushing the needle on him

[@concept5631]

@@jeypi__ Ahh.

[@stewrmo]

@@concept5631 Sorry dude I must have missed you asking me that, but @Jeypi covered it perfectly. The crispy prick was heavily sedated but it made the nurses feel better. She also stated they would remove his catheter like they were starting a lawnmower.....oooft!

[@stewrmo]

@@jeypi__ Nice continuous use of "crispy prick" mate! 🤣

[@laku-tikku554]

"When in doubt, kick their nuts out." -Sun Tzu

[@MrBlack75922]

"Sun Tzu said that, and i would says he knows little more about kicking balls then you do pal because he invented it"

[@thebige7302]

not so engineer gaming pootis gaming

[@MrBlack75922]

@@thebige7302 no pootisdispender

[@tarzanaman3531]

Hilarious!

[@davidcockayne3381]

Chapter six of The Art of War advises the general to attack the enemy where he is weak, so Sunzi would approve a hob nail boot applied to the testicles.

[@uknighthuntingvision93]

As a Muslim I found your story telling of a couple of nutters really hysterical. My wife and I agreed, worse thing you can do, is put Scottish folks families at risk! They are going to make your life hell and beat the living shit out of you! I sincerely wish all those Scottish folk who bravely fought these idiots the very best.

[@kertolol]

Asalamualaykum

[@You-ye4xb]

Assalamualaikum fellow muslim

[@jetteroheller]

"Ahmed seemed to have some sort of combat training. But Clarkson grew up in Glasgow." Hilarious.

[@Unnamed-pz1]

The scottish

[@richardsimpson3792]

When John Smeaton was asked if he had a message for terrorists, he replied: "Aye, cam ta Glasgae, and we'll set aboot ye!"

[@DutchMale]

Scottish people are built different

[@johnmeechan4976]

Glasgae?

[@richardsimpson3792]

@@johnmeechan4976 Aye!

[@williamrae9954]

He stole the praise...fuck all to do with him!

[@robdean704]

Possibly the most Glasgow answer to any question ever

[@workhourse1316]

"some sort of combat training....But Clarkson grew up in Glasgow." Im from the US and even I know you don't want to upset a lad from Glasgow.

[@rumi9005]

Thanks for posting this video! I missed this terrorist attack completely. I was avoiding the news back then - on the assumption that if anything really, life-threateningly, important happened I'd learn about it soon enough from other people. So I'm learning about this for the first time, having just watched Billy Connelly joking about it.

[@lankey6969]

This is the one where the guy kicked the burning man in the junk, right? Absolute legend.

[@drewwhy5541]

Yep and the hero said afterwards. “THIS IS GLASGOW, AND WE’ll SET ABOUT YA”.

[@warpey5632]

Even with 95% damage resistance, he only mildly pissed off a few Scots.

[@the_once-and-future_king.]

Pissed off? Mate, they'd be happy of the opportunity to kick a guy in the balls with zero legal repercussions!

[@synexiasaturnds727yearsago7]

And lost the PvP what a loser

[@bluestud9470]

“You can’t be a religious extremist without a football team”

[@onlyonewhyphy]

Amateurs

[@FREDDYHUNTER34isnotliquid69420]

Osam would say The New York jets

[@hannahbrown2728]

The calls to action on this channel are one of the only ones to consistently make me laugh. They already got me to subscribe a while ago, and give me a reason to let the runtime finish. Especially with the little clips from the story you add in as well at the end.

[@thomashogg2341]

The only reason it cost 5 grand a day to keep Ahmed in hospital was all the haggis and whisky he was being fed....he was in the Burn's unit after all!!

[@weaves22]

The haggis would've been punishment enough! 🤮

[@hadorstapa]

I hope it was all Teacher’s and Grouse

[@LsdRaccoon]

@@weaves22 haggis is fucking delicious

[@greengoblin876]

@@weaves22 you've never tasted heaven til you've had haggis , neeps and tatties that have been slathered in butter and with the haggis slightly crispy, plenty black pepper and a nice wee dram or two . Heaven.....even Some English like Haggis and egg and black pudding sandwiches with brown sauce for breakfast...the world wonders why we dont need Breechs ..whisky lad lots of whisky , and terrorist blood in our black pud .

[@weaves22]

@@greengoblin876 haha I respect that! I had haggis twice in my life and was not a fan! But I'm American, so it's not as culturally significant as I imagine it is for yall! We've got our cheeseburgers and pie!

[@TheChugg11]

"This was a feelgood terrorist attack - and I'm not just saying this because I'm Irish. It's a terrorist attack we can all enjoy!" (00.23) This is why I'm subbed: much needed dark humour during the ongoing shitshow that is Current Year.

[@Scoob505]

Gotta love the Irish sense of humour

[@marcussinclaire4890]

It's the exact moment I subbed.😂👍

[@ced1106]

USA: Tons of money on anti-terrorism. Glasgow: Concrete pillar and nut-cracking. Thanks for the videos!!!

[@deathkorpswatchmaster2414]

Nah Glasgow has concrete pillars and people with balls of steel but slightly weaker legs

[@saxonstacker1078]

God bless Ireland. Love from England. Can't wait to stand shoulder to shoulder with you all. Stay safe me hearties.

[@eaomonn1215]

U2 buddy

[@deconyus3412]

I remember when this happened. It was amidst bipartisan tensions over tragedy and war, fears of terrorism and escalating violence, a lack of safety and control among common people, it was so stressful. Then the attack on Glasgow happened and it felt like a little bit of hope we could all agree was the best news we had heard in a while.

[@jaydannoog2094]

“The men, oh sorry, cowardly bastards”

[@charliejones3119]

i can imagine the terrorist chat rooms are irc rooms that require some sort of password after talking to someone that just seems the most logical way of doing it

[@Ass_of_Amalek]

isis has/had its own clearweb "news agency" website. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amaq_News_Agency I reckon islamists are real big on facebook, given how rotten that platform is, and probably on any other social media also. I bet there are islamist instathots and tiktok teens.

[@AParticularlyConcernedCitizen]

It's not hidden whatsoever, and they do it openly (under a VPN) until it gets reported. It's far easier to just use the clearweb than the darkweb since it's completely saturated and easy to blend in while the darkweb is honeypot central.

[@AParticularlyConcernedCitizen]

@@ToniMorton Are you assuming they use a publicly available VPN? Why in the world would they do that? These guys have supporters all over the world that can cover their tracks. They're in everything from large tech companies to scientific research centers, they don't need to hide much because they can get a secure connection from the source.

[@finalchapter1899]

Username: ViRgIn_sTufF3r69 Password: g0disgr3at And the site password would probably be some stupid shit about that big terrorist fella that I can’t remember the name for Rn

[@Arch3an]

Do people still use IRC? I used to use it all the time for gaming a while back.

[@KSE828]

The “man on fire” drawing is the best!

[@BrianRosborough]

I know this is cliche but seriously everyone share this video to at least 1 person. It’s the least we can do to support our boi. Keep grindin brother !! We got you!

[@tomcloud4854]

no

[@re57k]

yes

[@zebracake2246]

Hes already got nearly 500k bruh. He dont need that much support

[@bananabird735]

Qxir is fine 'brother'

[@BrianRosborough]

@@zebracake2246 boy aren’t you a miserable sob. What’s wrong with encouraging people to share the man’s work? The more subs he gets the more $ he makes the more reward we get by him being able to create more content.

[@sirhamalot110]

this was genuinely one of the best episodes yet

[@mechanoid5739]

So, they decide that Glasgow would be a soft target! The only riskier place would be to try and attack the Ghurkhas during a training exercise!

[@mrconfusion87]

Then the Gurkhas demolish the terrorists - just all in a day's training exercise! Gurkhas (after disposing of the terrorists' corpses during their training camp): What Noobs!

[@cerridianempire1653]

@@mrconfusion87 and the injuries would sustained by the Gurkhas would be more minor

[@Anastajia2005]

That would be a HUGE mistake.

[@Mtn_Dewit]

Moral of this story: Never anger a crowd of Scottish people

[@micoolkidfilms3270]

Don’t mess with Glaswegians, don’t mess with Scottish people. I am from Scotland🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@wcresponder]

Anyone that throws timber like sticks, drinks paint thinner, stand in out in storms wearing a towel as a dress while strangling a mock octopus is to be respected and given a wide respectful birth.

[@micoolkidfilms3270]

@@wcresponder this is 100% accurate👍.

[@Johno1992]

@@wcresponder dont forget a diet of bucky deep fried mars bars heroin and valium ooh and junkies hanging from lamposts

[@muttlee9195]

I’m Scottish n I’ll mess wi Ye!

[@ryanparker7258]

I was on my way to the airport that day when it came over the radio that the airport was closed and why. If they had waited 30 minutes they would of been dealing with 30 pissed off solders that just been delayed getting home after being away for 4 months training, wouldn’t of need court or jail or a hospital stay, just the local undertaker and 2 coffins.

[@Anastajia2005]

That is downright funny. I missed that bit of information.

[@johnmadden2814]

you mean two buckets...

[@ThePoeticPariah]

Presumably, every Glaswegian who kicked that guy in the eggs yelled, "SCOTLAND!!!" as loud as possible only to later strut to the nearest pub and get absolutely doused in alcohol.

[@culcune]

Damn hypocrites! LOL

[@mrconfusion87]

After getting patched up at the hospital, the first thing they did was hit the pub! And said: "Sorry I'm late!" 🤣

[@bradrankin844]

Dude… my wife and I love your videos! From your narration to your artwork, we think your channel is great! Keep doing what you’re doing, and there will be no reasons or obstacles why you won’t be able to be one of the best KZbinrs on the platform today!!! 👍👍👍👍👍

[@musicalmagpie741]

“We’ll set aboot ye!” So proud to be Scottish when this topic is brought up!!

[@carlmanvers5009]

Wasn't his entry into the fray accompanied by that ancient and venerable Scots war cry "Fucking 'mon then!"?

[@musicalmagpie741]

@@carlmanvers5009 I do hope so!!!

[@4thinternational283]

@@carlmanvers5009 'Tongs ya bas!'

[@fematrailer]

Didn't one of the Scottish dude shout " 'mon then?" or something like that? That's almost as iconic as the phrase, "Ya come te Glasgow, we'll set about ye."

[@drewwhy5541]

Yep smeton the baggage handlers, top man.

[@felixjohansson7841]

”Mon then?” Cap?

[@felixjohansson7841]

”Well set about ye” Can someone pls explain?

[@nfspbarrister5681]

@@felixjohansson7841 it is the equivalent of USAn saying "we'll set your ass on fire"

[@ianchapman5733]

@@felixjohansson7841 Scottish for "Shall we get started? Come on, then."

[@jamp12008]

They haven’t tried it here since. It’s still funny when the news say it’s nothing to do with their religion. They think we’re stupid.

[@MangaGamified]

who believes media controlled news nowadays? they're only good for business advertising nowadays

[@steelisthemeal]

No that’s just a fake news media for ya Leave out all of the necessary details Of course We ain’t that stupid

[@theashennamedjerry3203]

Idk man. If their religion is to blame then how do you explain the millions of Muslims who don't engage in terorism. Religion makes a decent manipulation tool tho.

[@jamp12008]

@@theashennamedjerry3203 well thaw exactly it, manipulation. Al religion has ever been useful for was scaring and manipulating people and money extraction.

[@apollomemories7399]

@@theashennamedjerry3203 The vast majority are intelligent enough to know better. What they do know is that ingression into government and the increase of their population will eventually win through. To date their master plan is working. I need not list the towns and cities where they now hold fort.

[@zehfox2719]

Glasgow is near the top of the list of “Places you shouldn’t start a fight you can’t finish”

[@belltowersubductions5104]

“To Scotland” Yeah, that was mistake number one guys. I once knew a Woman whose Scottish Husband was able to successfully deter a gang of English muggers simply by responding to their threats with “You and whose fucking army?” in his Glaswegian accent. Ya don’t fuck with the Scots.

[@RayanfhoulaBR]

bro if a scot ever starts yelling at me im fucking collapsing into the floor out of absolute fear

[@onlyonewhyphy]

The rule is, you might even get the better of me. But when you wake up tomorrow, you'll remember me too.

[@brendasg155]

'English muggers'?.

[@lilliesupreme9767]

Very real story right here

[@Margoth195]

the second i heard: and then they drove to Scottland , I was like well that's their funeral papers signed. you Rock Scottland!

[@Ixions]

Billy Connolly joking about this attack is the best! "What were they thinking?" "We don't mind a bit of terrorism in Glasgow" "They heard you were coming, religious fanatics" "They thought oh, I'm not sure about religious fanatics without a football team"

[@merseyviking]

This story is so good, I keep coming back for more!

[@ibrahimalkhateeb125]

Ahmed is a new level of florida man

[@yoboikamil525]

ahmed is the next step of Florida man, middle eastern man

[@ThinkGeek_]

Forget Florida man, get yourself a burning man

[@seanlepley1474]

"Ahmed on the other hand, was a different story..for 1 the guy was on fucking fire... secondly he was surprisingly ambulatory for a burning man"...lmfao..

[@hullinstruments]

That syringe full of piss had me dying laughing.

[@hullinstruments]

6:45

[@player-8740]

I am no doctor, but I think a human can survive that. Again, I have no medical backgroud, just guessing. So yeah, I approve

[@estoor4258]

@@player-8740 I'm also not a doctor, but I feel like having piss in your bloodstream instead of blood is quite dangerous.

[@criminallyautistic8372]

@@hullinstruments No joke I know a friend who did to his dad when he was in the hospital. The dad was beating his mom until my friend came at him with a pan, knocking him out. He was able to piss in the syringe and stab his dad's arm, without getting caught. He said due to the salt in his blood he was told his dad was on the bed puking the rest of the night. My friend kept doing it every visit, and he had to stay in the hospital another week due to the salt. By the time he checked out, he was divorced, kicked out of the house, and had a restraining order against him and had to serve time in jail for domestic abuse. I know it's a stretch and I'm still wondering how he didn't get caught by the nurses.

[@hellosirimlookingforcrackg776]

How did you see it's a syringe full of piss?

[@meelsky]

No combat training could ever make you as good a fighter as growing up in glasgow

[@Jonathan27172]

"But Clarkson grew up in Glasgow, so up he went..." Yeah... That sounds about right

[@redram5150]

“Glasgow: We’ll set about Ya” should be the new city motto. I should be seeing local government stationery with that gem

[@davidthomas3528]

In Scotland this would be regarded as a quiet saturday night out in Glasgow

[@rotomfan63]

Imagine fucking up your first attack in England so you think you'll have better luck picking a fight with the Scottish

[@amaccoy]

"Some sort of combat training" No, the guy's hopped up on morphine, he's currently battling the Easter bunny's Dark army of yo-yo wielding velociraptors!

[@TFD_Animations]

You have an awesome comment, sir.

[@danielevans8910]

Only comment that matters in this entire comment section.

[@kazunakitsune22yearsago6]

Is that a hero 108 reference

[@amaccoy]

@@kazunakitsune22yearsago6 I've never heard of that, so no.

[@HopalongGinsberg]

I'd pay good money to see that.

[@Notimp0rtant523]

Listening to you tell a story is one of the highlights of my week. You are truly one of the most thoughtful story tellers, and your semi-gonzo approach is absolutely perfect for what you do. Honestly, if you were more investigative in the present day you would qualify as an exceptional gonzo journalist. Thank you for doing what you do.

[@insertteahere3162]

"if you go on there and call everyone gay does a mod ban you?" thank you qxir, always asking the important questions

[@MrRotaryrockets]

nice to hear a story where the bad guys get their asses kicked HARD.thanks for sharing

[@Inklenation]

6:51 made me smile nearly as much as... “but he grew up in Glasgow so he stepped up and delivered a smashing elbow”..

[@fredkemp9735]

All was quiet before they Burned up

[@USSLongIslandCVE1]

"The two drove it to scotland" See, There's your problem.

[@v12dot]

Not a bad idea …….if you’re leaving from the gates of Hell 😃🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@blondiethatoneartificer7195]

“Here, they’d take it to Glasgow-“ That’s all I need to hear. _Cracks open an Irn Bru to see how this ends_