r/AmITheA**Hole For Asking My Partner's Sister To Leave Our Baby Shower?

[@angiebananie1938]

first story: don't talk $hit about a baby at a baby shower and then act like the victim. why are you at a baby shower if you are so against the pregnancy, she should gtfo

[@puli_dreadhead]

Story 1 NTA Talking shit about the soon to be mother at her party, will never be a good idea, that information would've found its way back to OP. Sister wasn't talking about pregnant people in general she was talking about OP. Sister started the drama first and Op stood up for herself. Family is everything if they treat you with respect, not when they double down and say you'll be wasting your life after having a baby.

[@hareemshaharqureshi6489]

Oh and btw markee no gossip is never okay. It spreads misinformation, ruins reputations, causes bullying, and destroys relationships

[@locusxe1411]

Yeah I’m going against every Reddit comment and saying NTA story 1. Gossip is not ok. It is never ok Markee. You don’t talk crap behind someone you knows back. Especially if they’re storing to be apart of your family. Also it doesn’t matter if it’s a private conversation. If you bring up my name in that conversation then I’m in the conversation. Also Op can have a baby when’re she damn well pleases. As long as she has the resources to take care of it anyway. The global pandemic ain’t even near the worse thing to happen in modern history. Reddit really missing today

[@lucashellman6612]

totaly agre. and i asume you agre with pepol saying nta=not the a hole not disagre

[@lucashellman6612]

wait i miss read nvm

[@gregoryzn87]

The partner should have tossed his sister out and not put this on the OP.

[@Joe___R]

To the last story. OP is NTA, they agreed to only share the experiences of shared food & tampons are definitely not shared food. It seems like OP's girlfriend shouldn't have agreed to the terms if she didn't want to abide by them. Until they both agree to fully shared finances she shouldn't complain that he doesn't want to pay for non shared items.

[@Mr-P1]

That’s what I am saying. Like. How the hell is she just expecting him to just put it without asking.

[@bloxnirogaming5269]

Story 1: gossip is not ok, it hurts reputation of people. Why would she think it's ok to talk shit about someone at their own baby shower.

[@kalinaphillips9779]

@aman shafi not being in OP's house means she can talk shit about OP? Hope no one will do this to you. Sister is an AH.

[@andreawalker8343]

@Aman Shafi yeah and? If I had my mom had someone over at her place, does that mean I’m free to talk shit about the guests?

[@hareemshaharqureshi6489]

@Aman Shafi and if their dad said you were causing unnecessary drama for giving them the middle finger? And that the grown adult should be forgiven bc they're going through a rough time? Ugh idk why people think this is ok bc it was someone else's home. Whatever happened to being a good host? The party was thrown for op & her s/o. And anyways, there's no location in the world that makes it ok to be catty and spiteful

[@sailorathena17]

It’s part of the SIL being a bitch, she deserves a slap in the face

[@4beachpeaches]

@Aman Shafi no matter where, the host/hostess should always address rude behavior, and since it was the future fiancé’s sister, he should have addressed it. Instead, he decided to “have her back” while taking the coward’s way out and letting his fiancée handle it. I don’t think she should have tried to tell her to leave, no matter what, as this is a minor incident that could easily be addressed later, and she said herself the sister has confidence issues and is sort of socially awkward in general. Given that info, she should have let it roll off her back and just rolled her eyes and moved on.

[@chrisgerena229]

Gossiping causes divides, mistrust, and damaged relationships. Minimizing the amount of gossip in any group is essential for a healthy group dynamic. The sister was definitely in the wrong for saying something so inflammatory within earshot of the pregnant woman. When the sister was confronted with her bad behavior she doubled down. Sister needed to be booted and a boundary needed to be made that poor behavior is unacceptable

[@vilwarin5635]

Also, OP didn´t jump at SIL throat, she first talked with her partner, the brother of the gossiper, and he gave all his support to OP

[@jestersreign7530]

I like how the most of the comments saying that she's in the wrong miss the fact that this was an unplanned pregnancy

[@emanymton7184]

@@jestersreign7530 So fucking what??? I don't give a rat's ass if it's planned, unplanned, she was humping the mailman or whatnot. You DO NOT talk behind people's backs. Any person with a shred of decency understands. The exception being women and Markee. This is a stab in the back and if I was OP I would tell the sister next time I would return the favor in kind. Got something to say? Say it to my face. Or else close your slimy gullet or I will close it for you.

[@yamiyugito84]

Story one sister was like “I’m entitled to my opinion so I’m allowed to be a jerk at your party”

[@madelinebogle7475]

If you're gonna gossip like that about how you don't like this person's pregnancy, at least do it in privacy and not at the HECKING baby shower!! It's okay to vent out frustrations and how you might feel that someone's actions are wrong... But not at the baby shower. Come on now.

[@lisakaz35]

Story two: a YEAR after BF moves in and mother still thinks it's okay to let herself in. WTF? Since she refused to leave the key, and has refused to ever turn it over, changing the locks was the right step.

[@carolroberts4614]

She proved op's point for her by using the key again, and still didn't see she was wrong!

[@avalasialove]

Bottom line: Gossiping is *rude* Whether or not the unkind words are said behind someone’s back or to someone’s face, it’s mean and wrong. People used to talk behind my back and it hurt a lot.

[@avalasialove]

@Aman Shafi Well the fact that people gossiped about me made it super difficult for me to make any friends. Besides, I was a child. I didn’t need to be strong, I needed to be helped.

[@agroteraaaa]

@Aman Shafi what a dumb take.

[@ShakedownDreams]

@Aman Shafi you literally sound like to tell depressed people to just smile and they'll feel better. Stfu.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@agroteraaaa they're in another comment saying sorta the same thing.

[@ShakedownDreams]

@Aman Shafi you know if you're gonna be rude you can at least actually say fuck. It won't make you seem like a better person because you're not, you're literal gutter trash, but at least it will make reading your whiny bullshit fun.

[@spoder9370]

story two: the fact that the mum the day after tried too use the key too get inn proves changing locks was the right decision

[@franl155]

The mother obviously hasn't heard that there's this thing called "privacy", to which every person has a right.

[@debl3063]

the irony of trying to apologize for the argument of mom having the key and then using the key to barge in to give the apology.

[@rykercabler9756]

Right? No lesson learned. My guess is she made a copy of the key and planned to give one back. The only way to make sure is to change the locks.

[@johnnagustafson9996]

1st story.... Life doesn't stop because of a pandemic and that includes the creation of new life. Also it's been my experience that most pregnancies are unplanned.

[@hazeltulip]

“Planned pregnancy “ is such a misnomer. Even if you think you are ready, you are never in charge of the timing.

[@francb1634]

Story 4: to me, groceries is strictly food and food-related items. I'm guessing that everyone's idea of what groceries includes is probably mostly the result of where they shop(big box vs actual grocer)

[@naptime1900]

I have been in a few situations I didn’t like and my opinion wasn’t the trend in the group. I kept my mouth shut until I was out of the situation. It makes everything so much better for everyone.

[@ilovetheblaqkyear]

Story one: op is not the asshole. It is HER baby shower sister absolutely should not be talking shit about op at ops baby shower. This is a horrible time to be pregnant.

[@ilovetheblaqkyear]

@Aman Shafi why are you so aggressive. My in laws would be on my side of my sis in law spoke that way to me

[@elisejackson2854]

@Aman Shafi tone down the aggression.

[@velveteenrabbit5940]

@Aman Shafi I don’t think pushing the narrative that it’s ok to shit talk people because they were in someone else’s house is going to pan out for you. Like I get your logic, but literally no one but you agrees with it. The common idea here is now and will always be that the sister talking shit behind a pregnant woman’s back at said pregnant woman’s baby shower is NOT OK no matter who’s house it takes place in.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@velveteenrabbit5940 agreed

[@ilovetheblaqkyear]

@Aman Shafi you for real need to calm down. I am not delusional because my opinion is different than yours. You need therapy man.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 4. I, again, disagree with Markee. There was a budget and agreement. Agreement of shared product only. She is fine with not paying for his stuff, but gets attitude when it's not her stuff. From what I get from the story is, he only asked if she was going to buy it separate. She said yes. Then got attitude afterward. I'm guessing there was a specified budget for groceries, 14 dollars may be taking the place of something else that was agreed to purchase at the store. Basically, it's a communication issue. The GF tried to change the rules with no discussion. I'm guessing he planned the groceries down to the last penny, based on what they had available to spend. Depending on your financial situation, that 14 dollars could effect things negatively. Yes, I get that they're essential, but when you have a mutually agreed financial plan, it becomes the individual's responsibility for outside things. Ultimately, I would say NTA just because, if the gf didn't agree with their arrangement any more, she should have discussed it, not try to manipulate it into the situation.

[@wmdkitty]

And let's just forget that a lot of women's products cost like, twice as much, just because they can charge more for it.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@wmdkitty there's a female KZbin that words it pretty well too. "I'm a girl that love pink stuff that smells like cupcakes, and I will pay more to get it" something to that affect at least. I'm married, and for the most part, I pay for my personal care items, and my wife pays for hers. Yes if one of us is at the store, and the other needs something, we'll grab it for eachother. I have no issues with that. All OP did, though, was ask if she was buying it separate, and his gf said yes. Then got upset with him on the way home about it. That's the part that bothers me. Like, if she asked if they could split it this time, because she's low on cash or what ever, and OP was a dick and said no, then my opinion would be completely different.

[@robertx8020]

I agree with all of you :)

[@LexTime89]

@@wmdkitty Even if that’s true, for every product that has a male and female equivalent, nobody is forcing you to buy the more expensive product. It’s not as if you are banned from buying the cheaper option, and if they are truly identical in every way that’s important then why wouldn’t you buy the cheaper option? Obviously this doesn’t apply to period products, because they can’t be “twice as expensive” as an equivalent that doesn’t exist.

[@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399]

@@LexTime89 buying cheap female products is like buying cheap toilet paper tho. Getting worse quality for a buck instead of splurging on something just once for more comfort. I do think that there was a little bit of a communication issue. Especially since OP paid for their own stuff. Although I am very curious to learn their salaries.

[@15oClock]

1. Did we read the same post? Private conversations and parties are mutually exclusive, and gossiping is still untoward. 2. Title alone, a fair reaction. Has this mom ever heard of at least knocking before entering another person's home!? 3. Josh had no reason for his brother-in-law to treat badly, but did anyways. No HR wants that *or* a gossipy employee! 4. I don't think this relationship has mileage. The communication, maturity and values are incompatible, and that's important.

[@vilwarin5635]

I don´t agree with your comentary on story 1. Who talks bad about having a baby in a damn BABY SHOWER?? Is like talking trash about marriage in a wedding. Yes, you can have those thoughts and feelings, but don´t spread them in the vecinity of the mother to be

[@tf7602]

Same, don't trashtalk someones home at their housewarming party. It's literally so easy to not talk shit about people. Even if the sister had actual concerns about them having a baby or her being too young for a baby, it's way too late for that at the freaking baby shower.

[@llamabrat07]

I agree. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, and if you can’t keep you mouth shut when drinking don’t drink. And all the NTA are acting like OP just made SIL homeless. It wasn’t SIL’s house, it was the parent’s house, and she did talk to her fiancé first. And she approached SIL calmly. It was SIL who escalated things, and FIL ended up stepping in and backing OP up. SIL’s own father kicked her out of HIS home. I wonder what the verdict would have been if OP wasn’t pregnant and this had been the engagement party or bridal shower and the SIL was trash talking OP? Reddit tends to side with people who are child free when they bad mouthing pregnant people.

[@tabithadearth7507]

Story 1 to me is NTA because the Sister could have talked about her opinion after the Baby Shower. There's a reason for the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". I'm not surprised OP blew up because of the hormones and it probably hurt her feelings.

[@zerobolt9506]

It's been a long time since I've heard that fraise.

[@shannonbullock2202]

Story 2: Mom showed up unannounced AGAIN and planned to let herself in AGAIN to make up with her daughter and is pissed the locks are changed bc "u don't trust me" ?? Ummm yea, NTA 😂😂😂

[@interestedobserver-gk3ih]

Split shopping: Personal items including hygiene items should be purchased separately unless mutually agree on such as toothpaste and dental picks. BTW Snacks should be part of the communal items.

[@scifiwriter6092]

My dad has a key to my house. He always calls the night before, even though we get together every Wednesday. He then calls when he's leaving his house, which is about 30 minutes away. He also calls when he's picking up some fast food for us. And he finally calls when he's a block away. I know he will never just show up and let himself in.

[@shammydammy2610]

My older son had a key to our place for years. Unless he was actively feeding our cat while we were on vacation, he never used it. He'd text if he was coming over for something when he thought we'd be home (not on vacation) and knock when he arrived.

[@debrasedgwick4697]

My parents had keys to my home. The only time I can remember my father going to my house and letting himself in without me knowing, was to mow my lawn for me. I was working crazy hours and it rained EVERY single time I had a day off. It was a beautiful day and I got home about 6 pm exhausted, knowing I had to get it done. AND he had done it for me as a surprise! He let himself into my house to use the bathroom and get water to drink. I think that he had dropped off something for my daughter while he was there. But 99% of the time, we knew when he was going to go there without me there. Both of my parents respected me.

[@ashira-san]

Last story: NTA. They agreed to separate the stuff they buy when they started shopping together. The gf didn't even ask if they could buy it together, just assumed that it would be okay. I know when I have gone shopping with others and we are splitting the bill I have always asked if adding something to the cart was okay, and if it wasn't -and I needed said item like pads/tampons- I would purchase it myself. All the people calling him the ah are forgetting that they decided to keep personal items out of the split shopping, and she just assumed he would be fine with it before even asking if he was. I do, however, believe that they need to sit down and hash out the "for home shopping" list instead of just winging it when they go.

[@BY-bj6ic]

I agree. . yes, they definitely need to talk about their future because if they are every to marry and combine resources this type of accounting will not work. And, personal care items are not groceries.

[@lucashellman6612]

ye like they are saying that he is nickel and diming her... but it is she that asking him to buy it for her

[@cindykq8086]

She broke their agreement and got all butthurt. Wonder if she's testing him to see how much he'd pay for before he said anything? Everyone's calling him TA but she sounds sketchy to me.

[@wildfyah]

Gossiping is rude and it doesn't matter if the person being talked about isn't meant to hear you. It's mean spirited and awful.

[@ghastlyweather1750]

The first story's antagonist sounds like she got caught vandalizing in a public and wants to be cut slack by the officer. She shouldn't be talking smack in someone's party. And if she should be let off bc she was tipsy, then maybe she shouldn't drink in public settings??

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

Story 4: My partner and I split the cost of things we BOTH used like bread for example, but individual items like my pads were used by me so I paid for them. We'd shout each other an item in an emergency of course, but I liked the security of being in control of my own finances and it actually worked quite well for us. R.I.P dude❤

[@shammydammy2610]

"....the baby boom that has resulted because of this pandemic." Errrr.... I don't know where that commenter lives, because in most places, it's been the opposite.

[@debc6260]

King Trousers! You must refer to him only as King Trousers from hence forth.

[@zerobolt9506]

Yes this

[@yunuenhagane3495]

Last story: i know that the girlfriend and Op need to be more of a household but they're not combining finances for it to be their money and he has to buy his own personal products and the girlfriend did agree to this if she was going to be upset about it she could have raised her concerns then and not now

[@unorthodoxpeach]

Like everyone is calling him an AH, but this really feels like a normal communication issue. If she agreed to the grocery terms then she really can't blame him. Besides they are still learning to combine finances.

[@yunuenhagane3495]

@@unorthodoxpeach yeah and even if we don't like it hygiene products for women like pads and tampons are very expensive and if the girlfriend is worried about affording it she could bring it up calmly instead of getting angry for op not to instantly pay $7 bucks without explanation "hey op, i need this but I'm not sure I can afford it right now for xys" and I'm sure Op would say that it's okay and that he understands because he didn't really said anything bad about periods or being grossed out

[@shauxuhrwilsongrim]

@@yunuenhagane3495 Sounded more that he was annoyed gf assumed it would be okay to buy the tampons together, rather than asking if it would be okay. Seems like she isn't giving him the same courtesy anyway (letting him buy his own toiletries without offering to pay half). So yeah, discussion time!

[@yunuenhagane3495]

@@shauxuhrwilsongrim exactly op has to approach her and say that even if what he did say sounded harsh they did agree to buy any personal toiletries by separate and if it's there a reason why she got mad

[@christinacartter9784]

Also, SHE was the one pushing to share cost and he was hesitant. Seems like that got overlooked/ignored.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 1. I have to disagree with markee. While, yes, gossiping is technically ok, because discussing opinions is our right. Expressing those opinions out loud at the baby shower is completely not ok. If this were a wedding and people were gossiping and making bets on how long the marriage would last, would you still be having this opinion? And also, of it's a private conversation, you have it in a private area. In my opinion, the baby shower is not a private area. I'm guess she wanted OP to hear it to cause drama. At least the the feeling I'm getting. ETA, I feel like the commenters are doing the, protect the bully, mentality. And the conversation was clearly public if it was able to be over heard by OP. All these, it's not ok to listen in to other people's conversations.

[@bbbddvvndg9476]

Story 4: nta, yes you should share cost for toiletry items that you BOTH use, as an example hand soap or toilet paper are something you would share in the cost but she shouldn't pay for your shaving cream for your face and you shouldn't pay for her tampons because you're not the one using it

[@shauxuhrwilsongrim]

Yeah, seems like they need to have a proper discussion about items they buy together / items they buy and use only themselves.

[@debrasedgwick4697]

AND he said that the previous week, he picked out and paid for HIS shampoo himself. He was following the rules that they had agreed upon. NOW that it is an item that was more expensive, she expected him to pay for half. He also stated that she liked pricy items. Why should he have to pay for $20+ bottles of shampoo, etc, for her when he will not be using it. I know that if I was in that situation and my boyfriend picked out a very expensive razor I would not pay for half. That would be for him. I would not expect him to pay for any of my personal items, such as makeup, etc.

[@theresevontodderud3901]

@@debrasedgwick4697 I honestly would barf if I had to have such horribly mundane discussions with my boyfriend. We do not do this at all and we never argue about money, because we aren't concerned with mundane everyday stuff we have to buy anyways. If I'm on my period, he will buy me pads and he doesn't bill me for it, lol. This is just so... banale. Why do people bother with such absolutely pointless discussions. You are a household... just make sure it evens out and it's fine, but 6 bucks here and 7 there? What a waste of time, and imagine all the hopeless discussions about nothing that will wear down their relationship.

[@CodyJonesXD]

OP#1(JERK SIL, 0:24): Markee, what part about the SIL making it a spectacular when OP tried to have a normal talk did you not understand?

[@avalasialove]

I know! I think Reddit was being way too harsh on OP. I agree that these probably aren’t the best circumstances to have a baby in. However, there is a much more civilized and mature way to disagree with someone. Besides, even with protection sometimes babies have their own plans. OP deserved to enjoy this special event celebrating her, her partner, and their baby without SIL spreading malicious gossip.

[@larag3747]

@@avalasialove reddit dont like pregnancy rly much...

[@avalasialove]

@@larag3747 It seems like a lot of people on social media don’t like kids.

[@CodyJonesXD]

@@avalasialove Too True.

[@CodyJonesXD]

@@avalasialove & @ Lara g See that's what I don't get. I don't like kids. Yet I'm still on OP's Side. I guess that OP had the bad luck that biased/jerk redditor's responded to for post 1st instead of unbiased/kind redditors.

[@lisakaz35]

Story one: NTA. If the sister had APOLOGIZED for stating those things in earshot (which I wonder if it was really an accident OP heard her), wouldn't have thrown her out. She's entitled to an opinion but not to stating it openly enough at the Baby Shower to be heard by the soon-to-be mother.

[@sfsin3380]

Yes Markee doesn't seem to realise that the sister was say was basically OP should have an abortion at her baby shower. Even his argument that it was about the baby not OP doesn't change how terrible what the sister was saying is.

[@marialindell9874]

@@sfsin3380 Yup. I don't think he understands the whole picture here and isn't looking at it from several points.

[@marialindell9874]

@Aman Shafi Again, the sister and OP do not have a good relationship and that comes from the sisters end. A person with common sense will not gossip and blatantly insult someone and their life decisions when they are on the same property. The sister should never have made the comments about the "unplanned pregnancy will ruin your life" after OP made it clear that in their case they can still make their life work out with a kid. The sister is intentionally badmouthing someone when she is aware that OP is going through a hard pregnancy. She is also insulting her own brother! Even if it is an "family occasion" at a family members house where you are holding *your* celebration, you can rightfully ask a person to leave the celebration when they are not being respectfull and is deliberately insulting the person having the celebration. It would be 100% different if they would have been holding it at the sisters house, but that's irrelevant for now. Also we don't know the entire situation behind how OP heard the convo and can't really judge that. Did the OP stalk the sister? Did the sister talk with a loud voice? What type of place was the sister (was it a room with good echo or is it at the corner of a patio? A lot is left out here. Point is that you never insult the person having the party. OP had full rights to ask the sister _who she invited mind you_ to leave after the sister has been proven to be toxic.

[@lisakaz35]

@@sfsin3380 Indeed, that's a reasonable interpretation. It could be just lamenting birth like it was wrong w/o the suggestion of termination BUT that is also an interpretation and the idea of "getting rid of it" is one very logical next step in what the sister said. She may or may not have meant to go that far but either way it's very bad form to say anything like this there. The sister should have apologized and perhaps clarified if she did not mean to suggest OP end her pregnancy. The lack of good manners to apologize is why I'd ask her to leave.

[@lisakaz35]

@Aman Shafi I get that's suuuch a big deal to many but is she being asked to leave the property or just the party (as in "leave the party" could mean "go in the house")? IDK. The sister is way the AH imo either way.

[@Fireprincess161]

"I've seen more people in my social groups with babies" welcome to aging.

[@craftyanny8471]

Story 2 I had this problem with my MIL so one day after she interrupted us for like the 20th time(not exaggerating) I told her she could just go sit in the living room as I wasn't done with her son yet. Believe me it stopped really quick after that, I always hated that she just walked in whenever she wanted and hubby wouldn't confront her about it, he hates confrontation with anyone.

[@yves13]

If she did not mean for you to hear, she said it to somebody later on when you are not around or what you're not at your place

[@lilypaddington1797]

Markee out here sounding like he's from the 16th century saying gossip is okay, lmao. Don't be trashy people, don't gossip.

[@transparentbri9371]

the fact that later in the same video he said “gossiping is not okay” yikes

[@kalinaphillips9779]

Obviously, you have never been gossip about. Gossip gives a bad name to the person you gossip about because people who don't know you will judge you. Sister is massive AH, if you are invited to someone you don't slug her off. Don't excuse her to behave because she has an issue. No one cares. Also saying that OP is too young and it is a bad time to have children makes all who said that an AH. It is not their business. Bad behaviour does not excuse anyone, not even family members.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

I'm gonna go against the grain on story 3. I think it's important for the cousin's husband to know that his homophobia is costing him jobs. NTA

[@jimmiedmc1]

Umm it wasnt an accident she overheard it plain and simple sister in law should have not been there of she wasnt 100 percent supportive

[@TheLizcass]

The one thing I haven't heard anyone bring up is that OP's hormones are going crazy now because of her pregnancy. She's going to be more emotional. Let's cut her some slack.

[@theresevontodderud3901]

Slack? I think the other girl needed to be set straight because her attitude was really negative and judgmental, and people have to learn through social interactions. You don't reward bad behavior no matter how old the person who's behaving badly is; she was in reality behaving like a big baby and this was the grown up equivalent to being sent to her room to think about her foul words. She basically wanted the baby dead, the baby in her pregnant belly. I think she was being immature, which is why I'm cutting her some slack.

[@2Cambell]

Story4 - This is very petty. Products for both of their body maintenance go into the cart and get paid for. Everyone benefits from being well-groomed.

[@cosmicsymbols4225]

Trousers is like the chillest chihuahua I've ever seen. He doesn't even shake 😅

[@hareemshaharqureshi6489]

Wow the story 1 verdict was so off like how is op wrong for not wanting to be around someone gossiping about her at a party for her and her partner, like, sure it's the family home but if you're grown enough to get drunk and decide what's wrong and right when it comes to having a kid you're old enough to step outside of your home for an hour. Everyone's saying this contradicts with her family is everything mentality even though this sub constantly says not to tolerate it when your family mistreats you. Family is everything means you call them out when they're wrong. The sister needs to learn that words have consequences and that her going through a rough time isn't an excuse to go around talking smack and being surprised when people have a problem. But when her dad defends her you see why she ended up the way she did. The whole "people are gonna talk about it" mentality is so stupid, it's basically just "it's wrong but it's common so you can't have a problem with it." If

[@AngelWJedi]

last story he isnt an ahole. I am sorry but why pay so much for an item when a cheaper one works just as good? why force someone to pay so much for a product they cant use too? she wasnt helping him pay for his stuff like meds but wants him to pay for all her expensive shit? yeah no

[@RyuKaze]

I agree. They said mutual grocery, as in, things they'll be using/sharing together. BF has no use for tampons, so that shouldn't be classified as mutual groceries.

[@krystalfloods6197]

I agree and I was surprised with the comments. Groceries are supposed to be groceries… Like food. He shouldn’t be expected to have to pay for her tampons and stuff like that. That’s her responsibility.

[@theresevontodderud3901]

The real problem is their relationship and how they're dealing with these things. I never argue with my BF about money. We just make sure it evens out in the end, and without stupid arguments about 6$ here or 7$ there, we're so much happier. I think this whole thing is pretty immature tbh. Also, I feel like he must have misremembered the price of tampons because no way in hell do they cost that, even the pricier ones, and that's coming from a Norwegian. Doesn't even cost that here.

[@kellylee4696]

Story #1 - I have to disagree with Markee and go with NTA. The sister shouldn't have said anything and OP didn't want a pregnant to be upset. Was it drastic, yes, but if someone is going to make rude comments, I'd try to kick her out too. People tend to confuse the terms unwanted with unplanned. It sounds like the baby wasn't planned, but definitely wanted. Story #2 - NTA x 100! OP asked for the key back several times and it sounds like mom is a bored busy body who wants free reign of the place. Your partner SHOULD come first in a relationship. OP was justified in asking for it back and when mom refused, change the locks. I don't blame OP one bit. Story #3 - I'm going against the grain again and say NTA. This wasn't about a fight or helping out family. This was about business. People need to learn that words and actions have consequences. Personally, I don't think family should work together unless it's a family business because the business side will always pour over to the personal family side. I probably would've done the same thing in OP's shoes. If this person was working under OP and he already has a preconceived notion about the candidate, it's never going to work out. Story #4 - ESH. The two of you moved in together and from the sounds of it, OP's gf is thinking about the future and combining finances, as most households do. OP is nitpicking about something as small as a box of tampons??? Seriously??? Yes, she shouldn't have assumed that personal items are split down the middle, but OP is that idiot that's going to hold up the checkout line for 5 extra minutes for a frikkin' stick of deodorant? OP is more of an AH than the gf, but in the end, everyone sucks. If you have this much trouble over finances as a couple, you both REALLY need to sit down and evaluate your relationship and what this means going down the road.

[@amani8677]

Story 1: So, the future aunt thinks the mom is throwing her life away and that the kid shouldn't exist because it's selfish to have any. Cool. She doesn't need to have a relationship with the mom and kid, especially since she apparently thinks it's okay to insult the guest of honor at a party, double down when confronted, and blame it on her drinking. The only thing OP did wrong was throwing her out of someone else's house; she should have explained the problem to the hosts and just left if it wasn't taken care of. If the in-laws think it's ok to insult OP at her own party, they don't need to be around OP and their future grandkid.

[@PowerStar004]

When I was a child and first heard the term baby shower, I pictured... a baby. Showering. Cue me wondering why so many adults wanted to go to watch a baby shower. Even now, decades after knowing what the term actually means, that image pops up every time I hear the phrase "baby shower".

[@k.l.6129]

Story one: She took her aside and tried to sort it out one on one. The sister in law continued to be disrespectful, so she was asked to leave. Markee; you're way off the mark. I'd have personally left after she refused and then refused to associate with his family. I refuse to spend time with people that have a negative opinion of me. It's mental masochism otherwise. Edit: This was the family home? Not hers? Ok... ESH, but I do genuinely think people shouldn't associate with those who talk negatively about them.

[@andreawalker8343]

Yeah I’m really lost as to why people seem to think it’s up to OP to “work out” being talked shit about. No. It’s not. Don’t talk shit if you can’t handle the consequences of your actions

[@andreawalker8343]

@Aman Shafi no. She made a fool of herself and got told off.

[@andreawalker8343]

@Aman Shafi you knew the subject I was referring to but whatever man. If you want to die on this hill defending that talking shit about a young mom at her baby shower is somehow not a faux pas, go right for it. Intelligent people talk about ideas. Idiots talk about others. Enjoy being spiteful I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@theresevontodderud3901]

I find that his comments are often very vague. He seems like a people pleaser, sort of afraid to step on someone else's toes while thinking it's okay for them to step on his toes. That's honestly not healthy. I did the same when I was younger, but I learned that it's my life and people don't get to walk all over me.

[@carsongiles7024]

@Aman Shafi I am seeing a pattern here of you going into the comments of people saying nta and being a bit… aggressive (I am saying aggressive even if you say you’re not, swearing and using middle fingers like that is usually considered aggressive) could you maybe tone it down a bit, I know you’re probably passionate about your standpoint but arguing like this won’t convince anyone

[@AngharadMac]

"The power of positive thinking" is often equal to an ability to live in denial

[@bluejaywoman3421]

After breaking privacy, and refusing to give the key back, she tries to let herself in again. If she had learned her lesson she would have knocked.

[@samuelharmon4093]

It was on the front page of today's paper that births for December, January, and February were down 4.3% over the same period last year, so....no baby boom.

[@darkshadow5581]

Story 4 NTA. OP wasn't doing joint Grocery shopping, they were joint meal/food Shopping. The fact OP had to buy Shampoo separate further proves this. Now, unless OP's GF is internet famous for it, I don't think she's gonna be eating that tampon. If GF wanted joint groceries, why did it only come up on visit 3 not visit 2? probably because it benefited them.

[@bbbddvvndg9476]

Story 2: nta, even if the other person ever gives you back change the locks anyway in case they made copies

[@debl3063]

She came to apologize for the argument they had over her having a key and she tried to barge in to apologize. Ha ha. She wasn't sorry.

[@karencarter18042]

Story one if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything , goes double at important event like wedding , engagement parties and of course baby showers. If you can't support the person whose day it is , stay home.

[@llamabrat07]

And if you have trouble keeping your mouth shut when you’re drinking and still attend, DON’T DRINK. Geez. I think the SIL wanted OP to over hear her. I think SIL needs therapy. OP only kicked her out of the party, not from never coming to the house at all. The NTA people are acting like OP just made SIL homeless. If SIL is banned from the in laws’ house it was the FIL’s doing when he backed OP up, not OP herself. Plus, she spoke to her fiancé before kicking the SIL out, and the fiancé told her to do what made her comfortable. I get the feeling the parent-in-laws are fed up with SIL’s attitude towards OP as well.

[@karencarter18042]

@@llamabrat07 Yes , personally I would have suggested some black coffee and a bed . I don't want her driving in that condition

[@tabithastrock1914]

Private conversations happen in PRIVATE. Not in the garden where anyone can walk up and/or over hear you. She needed to take the conversation to another place or let it take it take place in text not voice. Kicking her out maybe a bit much but maybe she needed this to happen to teach her the lesson to watch for the people she is talking about to avoid this kind of reaction.

[@tabithastrock1914]

I know she wasn't kicked out but the OP tried to kick her out

[@JasperCatProductions]

Good grief never give your mother a key again. Her just coming once a month and moving stuff is weird enough. She is acting obnoxious and yes your partner and child are 1000% more important then mommy. That’s how growing up works.

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

"She stated that it was a _private_ conversation-" Not if it was about _you_ , during an event that _you_ hosted, it wasn't. People who don't want to get unflatteringly caught out saying bitchy things should learn how to keep it in their heads until they've left a public event - & _especially_ the hospitality of their target. There's few things uglier than badmouthing someone at their own party. If SIL can't acquire some self-control + learn to restrain her thoughts for a more appropriate environment, then she deserves every bit of exposure + blowback she ever gets.

[@bdhu2001]

Okay. On the story with the mom with the key, why hasn’t anyone mentioned that mom wouldn’t have realized the locks were changed if she hadn’t been using her key again.

[@amerlin388]

Story 4. To me it would be very clear that grocery items means food, e.g. food used to prepare the shared meals. I would go so far as to assume cleaning items for the home would be included. What in the world did she think he meant by personal items? It doesn't get more personal than tampons. When she said OP could have just split the box of tampons with her I would said, "Y e s . . . . but I don't really have a use for tampons." And I thought his comment about medication was spot on. It's a product regularly used in the home, it has a purpose and a cost. Could Markee be any more oblivious? And who said anything about marriage? He described her a girlfriend he lives with.

[@angrytardis6776]

I found the post on Reddit and %90 of the comments were saying YTA . I agree with you tho.

[@kavertia6261]

5:41 WAIT, but, no! Did we read the same post, Markee? OP *did* take the SIL out and talked to her privately concerning the gossip-when the SIL then proceeded to admit to her unfavourable opinions on the matter of the pregnancy and OP herself, AT OP’S BABY SHOWER, mind you, OP asked her to leave-still privately. SIL refused because of which a scene occurred and the rest of the family got involved. You do NOT get to push the blame for the escalation onto OP, Markee. That’s a big no-no. Having been gossiped about myself, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no point trying to care or stop people from gossiping. Say whatever you want about me behind my back. Here’s the thing though: None of that makes gossip okay in any way, shape, or form. Gossip is purposely malicious and I think a lot of people miss the fact that gossip influences a stranger’s first impression of the target of that gossip in a negative way. It can get bad, to the point where a little office gossip can get someone fired. It also creates a hostile environment and isolates people from each other, constantly paranoid whether they could be the next target. It creates an environment where self preservation is a priority, strongly polarizing people and making them fear expressing alternate views. Moreover, OP’s decision to ask the SIL to leave was entirely justified. Think about it; you wouldn’t invite someone you knew gossiped about you to a private party under normal circumstances, or at least if you had an obligation to invite them you would expect them to shut up and nod along to prevent souring the party, even if that was fake. OP knew beforehand SIL disliked her, invited her anyway, then when she overheard not only discussed with her partner-because of who SIL was invited, basically, since he’s the father-but also gave SIL the chance to mediate her stance or apologize for the day. SIL refused to do that. OP had every right to tell her to leave-I don’t care whether they were at a family house, a hotel, or her own home. Don’t come to a baby shower if you’re not happy about the baby. And if you do, you sure as HELL are not entitled to badmouth anything about it.

[@drg2256]

Baby Shower: you should have simply told her that it's a bloody good thing that her opinion doesn't matter and walked away.

[@LadyLeomon]

1) NTA good freaking grief! Maybe I’m just boring but who the hell gets wasted _at a baby shower?!_ 2) NTA, until a certain point this was a cringey accident, which could’ve easily been prevented by the mother not just strutting into a closed bedroom door, totally your right to change the locks! 3) NTA, the only thing OP did wrong was telling what they did, all you had to do was keep your fool mouth shut! 4) ... NTA, she has no problem with OP paying for _his_ personal stuff separately but is put out when he asks the same? Also she’s an idiot, $4 for a *stick of deodorant?!* In my country a decent antiperspirant is £1 max! Thanks for the new vid Markee (Puppy!!!) 💙🐱💙

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 4: OP is NTA and this sounds like a gold digging GF. She doesn't do what she can to lower her own personal costs, so she started asking about "sharing food costs" that both of them use. Then she starts insisting OP pays for half of HER personal items, but I don't hear her suggesting that she pays HALF of his heart medication or his toiletries. Nope, this isn't fair and OP should be careful about pooling finances with her because I think she's gonna be the designer bag GF who wants him to pay for her extravagant lifestyle. He should start considering what this relationship is all about and if her gold digging attitude is worth it for him.

[@axepagode33626]

Story four: I laughed my head off at the commenter who said cost average out. This is a commenter who has never been in a relationship with a woman or know how much more female products cost. Shampoo, conditioner, razors, make up, tampons, lotion, and special moisturizing soap. For guys, you can get shampoo, conditioner, and body wash all in one bottle for $2.99.

[@carolroberts4614]

It'll probably clean the car too!

[@annabordelon6663]

1) NTA start as you mean to go on, DO NOT accept insults

[@TheNormExperience]

“So if you do love him and want him to stick around...” Omg, Markee - no, Don’t DO IT! I’m subscribed, I swear! 😝

[@Ivanofkoshinkaisokanryu]

Gossiping is not ok if you cant say it to somes face keep it in your head

[@oceanpuddle6439]

Trousers kinda looks like a Ewok from Star Wars hahaha. It’s adorable

[@Tara........]

You don't go to someone's baby shower and talk trash about them even if the victim wasn't intended to overhear it. I see no problem whatsoever with her being asked to leave.

[@Godsthetics]

Honestly not even okey to enter your adult child's room while they live at home, let alone THEIR home... God.

[@wenwantsmusic3008]

She tried to use the key right after to talk. Instead of knocking or calling. The exact thing that got her in trouble to begin with

[@RSN2277]

Last story: I am going with NTA here. If he is a bargain shopper and she has more expensive tastes, then it should be separate. I believe OP was right in this case. She was pushing thr boundary on what to get here. If it wasn't a big deal, how come she didn't buy the shampoo and deodorant? She is just trying to test the waters here and see how much she can get away with here. If it was no big deal, she wouldn't have gone mad at him.

[@impossiblegrl3698]

"I have as much chance of seeing mum in a therapist office as I do seeing a giraffe at the supermarket" there's a meijer in michigan with a giraffe statue on their gas station

[@rachaelclark8465]

Story 1) If she wouldn't leave, I would. No one has to put up with nonsense about something that was not her business in the first place.

[@ProudAuntieEST2016]

Story 2. While having someone have an emergency key to your home is nice, its not always a good idea. My grandparents have had problems and now if someone needs a key they have a spare that they give out for that amount of time that it is needed. I dog sit for them and I was dog sitting for my great aunt and had a key to each home due to being 'employed?' (for lack of a better term) I still did not use the keys unless given strict permission or if I was dog sitting. Even then there were problems and it ended up being that my grandma would just lend out her key instead as she was always with my grandpa. There are also a few ways that I, my siblings, my mom and her siblings all know how to get into the house that are not the most conventional but work. Having a key to someone's home is a privilege! and it can and should be taken away if you prove to do something like not call at least the partner of the person so they know what's going on.

[@spiyder]

1st story: nta, if i say that whoever is reading this sucks, but then i say that it’s ok because you weren’t supposed to read that. different story, same principle

[@heathercampbell6059]

Good point. Agreed.

[@axepagode33626]

Story two: You were prioritizing your relationship with your husband over your mother. Of course she was. It is a more important relationship. Changing the locks was the smart thing to so. You had the conversation with your mom. She refused to return the key. When she decided to come back, she didn't call as you requested and attempted to use the key that you asked her to return. At this point, I surprised you car at all.

[@qq84]

4:15 Why should gossip be ok, especially in her home? And now suddenly "She shouldn't have done what she did" - some seconds ago, gossip was totally fine for you. 13:26 NTA You told her often enough that you want the key back. It's your key. If you want it back, she has to give it back, no discussion. 22:10 YTA She shouldn't have told it in the company, because that were private conversations and she doesn't know if he'll say the same in the company. 29:00 NTA Tampons aren't groceries, obviously. Why didn't she said anything as he bought things separately? And if we put anything in there anyway, why not the heart medication?

[@hagnat]

story 3 phrasing of the living condition made me confused due to a lack of a comma... "My cousin, Josh and I were roomates" -- for a moment i thought he had a cousin named Josh. "My cousin, Josh, and I were roomates" -- oxford comma (kind of) to the rescue

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

The first option is perfectly clear. The use of the Oxford Comma is clumsy, ugly and unnecessary. Perfect example!

[@PowerStar004]

@@ruthgriffiths7365 I disagree. The first option isn't clear at all.

[@katherinekurzius290]

They were NOT 'in the family house', but Market, they were holding a party in the garden. Going into the home would actually have been a good way for the sister to leave!

[@theresevontodderud3901]

How is a box of tampons that expensive? I live in the most expensive country in the world and they are nowhere near that price. I'm baffled.

[@melissaclark1051]

I heard the title and I was betting it was about tampons and I was correct.

[@atinyevil1383]

I just looked it up and I would like to point out that the pandemic baby boom didn’t actually happen, about 300,000 less children were born, and the fertility rates have dropped. Just thought I’d put that out there since story 1 has a lot of talk about “the pandemic baby boom”. Also, my ruling for story 1 is NTA.

[@Michellee970]

Am I the only person that heard that the baby shower was in the garden not inside the home? Asking someone to leave would mean go inside or go to another room? I'm confused.

[@sharosudo]

Story 3, Maybe the family member that needed the job so badly should have contacted the op and discussed their financial situation called them as a reference. 🤷‍♀️ if they changed they should have gotten over it and called. ESH for talking about it to the brother

[@ajakuk1]

You look so much happier with your fur baby in your arms. Awwww trousers.

[@magrad2010]

Oh King Trousers, your lowly servant offers you a royal squeaky toy.

[@lindak8664]

You did have a conversation with her. You asked for the key back, she stormed off with it in a snit. Then straight away SHE treated you like a child, calling you names for changing the lock.

[@emeraldqueen1994]

Story 2 : OP get security cameras EVERYWHERE EDIT : OP, if you need / want it, maybe get therapy for yourself just to have someone who could be an outside perspective

[@crystalprice1197]

Story one: fuck that. It is my party, my event, the other girl should have kept her damn tongue, and if she knows she has a loose tongue when she is drunk she shouldn't have drank. ... Sister is lucky OP isn't me

[@k.l.6129]

So, fine to gossip within ear shot but not okay to gossip about blackballing family from a job? Hm....

[@kat1722]

For the key- she would have been allowed in if she had knocked, especially after what happened last time she let herself in. My best friend has a key to my house, she looks after my dogs sometimes, whenever she comes round she lets me know even when it’s an impromptu visit. Sometimes if my mum/carer has to go out and I’m unwell she’ll come round even with permission to enter the house using her key she phones and talks to me from the moment she comes in the gate to unlocking and opening the door and being greeted by the dogs (she also texts when she dog sits)

[@StormyPeak]

Mom with key story. Mom was told to give back the key after that incident. She said 'No' and walked out with the key. So, yeah, change the locks...there should not have been any other discussion. The key should have been returned when asked, no matter what the reason.

[@theakaneko]

What kind of puppers are they? They are so super cute every day! 1. ESH. No apology, no need to stay. OP is pregnant in a pandemic, was at Her Baby Shower, and SIL having a bad attitude and bringing down the mood is not cool. But kicking her out of the party at someone else's yard is a little much. Hubby's "do what makes you comfortable" was kinda weak sauce in this case too if it is something that could break a family. 2. It might have been a bit extreme to ask for the key back in the first place, but changing the locks after she refused is NTA. And it is soooo creepy that she won't give back a key to Your house after asking for it Several Times and went to let herself in the next day after the latest request. 3. This is a crazy situation. NTA for blackballing, lightly the A for sharing with brother especially after he told you how bad cousin's finances were doing. Don't let the family sway you to regret the decision, and dont trust brother again with sensitive info. 4. Yta... OP does realize if they get married, the finances for groceries and necessary supplies for both of them would come out of a joint account right? Or that unless they plan to go through the whole of life only shopping together, one of them will shop and what, the other will be mad?

[@echomoon3381]

#4, NTA. The agreement was shared groceries/food stuff and personal items be paid for separately. Personal care, personal hygiene products are not 'groceries or food'. He paid for his own shampoo and deodorant. She should be paying for her own stuff.

[@Mdarby66]

It's not a family gathering, it's a baby shower. There are plenty of family events, Sunday dinner, barbecues, things like that, this event is so much more they give it a name, "Baby Shower". This is the occasion you wish them well and keep your negative opinion to yourself, or just don't go.

[@BarbaraHeliodoraMendes]

Story 2: The reason the mom got so upset is because she FOR SURE made a copy of the key. And when she went back to play the bigger person role and have a heart to heart conversation and at the end of it "give it back" while keeping the secret copy, she realized OP outplayed her and all her manipulation strategy was now mute. Public piece of advise: Whenever you ask for a key back, if the person doesn't give it to you immediately just change the lock, because you will have no way to tell if they made a copy or not if they leave with it and give it to you later. It's like 4 bucks and 5 min to get it done in any Walmart.

[@Frazzled_Chameleon]

Mother: how could you change the locks on me and shut me out?! It makes me feel like you can't trust me! I was just using the key again, even after you asked me not to, and breaking your trust again! HOW DARE YOU?!