r/AmITheA--Hole for Becoming a Karen to Defend a Disabled Child?

[@taylorlibby7642]

1st Story- NTA. The principal wants to talk about consequences? I'd be interested to know what consequences the substitute is facing for ignoring the childs IEP and attempting to bully and intimidate the child into dangerous compliance. The substitute fully earned those "f offs", imo the child was defending herself.

[@lugismansion2400]

Isn’t an IEP a law binding contract too?

[@ilyte1]

She might be a butthole in the first story for even allowing her child to be punished at all. It sounds to me like the kid did not have a choice I needed to do something verbally drastic or else be physically harassed for her disability

[@jasonpritchett2043]

@@lugismansion2400 yes,yes it is

[@NLoett]

@@lugismansion2400 As someone who had an IEP growing up, I can indeed confirm that school employees are legally required to give you the accommodations outlined in your IEP. That substitute should be in serious trouble.

[@SailorMya]

Right! I really want to know what happened!? Subs are not held to the same standard as teachers since they are just bodies to stand in for the people who went to school for teaching. Still you would think that the moment she said IEP he would have taken her seriously or at least checked. (most kids don't even know what an IEP is unless they have one...) Sounds like he was on a sub power trip because some kids have lied in the past and pulled the wool over his eyes one too many times... I really hope he was removed from being a sub...

[@benjie128]

I remember the first story. The story is worse, as the other children often bully and harass the daughter for her disability. This wasnt the first time another student made claims against the daughter having a disability. And none of the other kids are held accountable for their lying which leads to subs not believing the OP's daughter has a disability.

[@Ikajo]

Sounds like OP should find a new school for her kid... in Sweden, the girl would be entitled to special taxi services to get to and from school. And that on account of her issues with walking. Especially in winter when snow can make walking difficult even for people without a disability.

[@souls.7033]

I was already extremely angry after hearing this story, and after reading this, it really ticked me off. Schools never care about the bullies, only when the victim retaliates. That kid should be given a medal of honour for standing up against bullies!!

[@dalekcat]

@@Ikajo sounds like the story took place in USA. I'm not surprised they don't have such services.

[@BeeWhistler]

@@Ikajo You better be careful... a lot of us are already thinking of leaving this sinking ship and I'd hate for you to be inundated with Americans! But you make it sound so nice there... Unfortunately for me, I'll be moving in a year, but not to Sweden... to Texas. From California. I'll have to avoid telling anyone where I've been living the last 30 years and try to enjoy the cleaner air as a consolation for having to return to the deep South where I grew up. Ugh. As for the story... the substitute teacher should be banned from returning and the school should be educating the students and teachers about disabilities. I really loathe the toxicity of our public school system.

[@Ikajo]

@@dalekcat I saw someone posting an update from OP, apparently they are from Australia.

[@knitwit9447]

That's not being a Karen. That's just being a good advocate for your kid!

[@katherineknapp4370]

I agree

[@kdarkwynde]

Exactly.

[@foxmccloud8960]

Exactly!

[@dethkruzer]

Hell, I say she could have pushed pretty far into Karen territory and still be justified.

[@knitwit9447]

@@dethkruzer Yeah I would have been after punishment for that teacher. I understand all too well teachers ignoring IEPs

[@amyspeers8012]

Former school nurse here. That substitute teacher should have been aware of any kid in his/her classroom with an IEP/504. Mom did an excellent job standing up for her daughter. She might think about calling a meeting and asking about how they handle substitutes since obviously their current plan sucks.

[@Lilnaomi3]

I was just thinking this, then i remembered not all places have it marked on the attendance forms. There is a chance that they were never told and no advocate was present in the room. This has happened a few times to students of people I know but thankfully the sub believed them and the other classmates who confirmed the situation. Not knowing about IEP's doesn't excuse the intimidation or the school not recognizing what happened.

[@spookyruinsfest4936]

I know IEP’s as a sped TA and even if I was a sub and a kid said something and I wasn’t buying it I’d at least call the office and double check cause they would know.

[@mozmotheferret7913]

The fact OP's daughters disability was ignored completely when OP was asking for lunch time detention pretty much answers that. They don't care about the child's well-being at all. The fact the male substitute intimidated a child and got away with it really shows the principal has priority over punishing children and not teachers.

[@FlamesofJagger]

She did update in two separate posts. Amand chose to write a letter to the principal apologizing behavior, but also to defend her stance she had to take in that situation. The Op set up a meeingvwith the private school principal, and the day before, took a tour of a nearby public school. She took Amanda out of the school the day of the meeting and put her into the public school that was more accommodating to her daughter's needs the next week. OP also says in her second update that she'll report Amanda's former private school but that she won't sue because she's been told by a lawyer that she doesn't have enough evidence to sue and also because Amanda doesn't want to make this a public incident.

[@jeremystone5946]

@@FlamesofJagger in other words the school got away with it. Terrible.

[@djwolfenstein]

The first story: That's not being a karen that's being a parent who's protecting there child. What the hell is wrong with that school shouldn't they have explained to the substitute teacher about the daughters medical disability because that's how it worked at my school

[@abicat4229]

Exactly! Like even substitute teachers are given info about students with IEPs and 504 plans

[@Nerobyrne]

Moreover, how does that moron of a teacher not know what an IEP is? I get he's a substitute, and they have lower requirements, but even I know what that is and I'm an IT guy in Germany. How is it your actual job and you don't know such basic things?

[@ohnosmoarlulcatz]

There's a lot of regulation surrounding IEPs and getting the clearance to release them to the substitute teacher would take longer than the day that the substitute teacher is there. Most schools don't want the hassle or potential liability so they don't bother to even get general release which would allow them to release that information as needed. Your school likely put a general release into the handbook that you agreed to during student registration each year. That's the smart thing to do, but most schools don't have the foresight to do it.

[@fdm2155]

Yeah, people are confused about what a 'Karen' actually. Karen's whines, complains and demands when s/he has no legit right or cause to do so. Here, OP was backing up her child who was ignored when she stood up for herself with people who should know better.

[@Denozo88]

Especially when the op stated she deserved punishment for her language.

[@Starman062]

Story 2: not only was that father favoring his wife’s kids, but even after OP made it clear why he didn’t want a relationship (because of the favoritism) the father STILL tried to think of the step kids first

[@Wolvesbane39]

If he wants to talk to his child like and adult, I would suggest OP write a list of all those promises that his dad took back in favor of his new family. A visual representation of neglect, along with the definition of emotional neglect right there. Also have his mom there for support. Not his dad's new wife or any step kids.

[@SilverMe2004]

'we need to talk about our relationship because you upset my kids' Why does his new kids feelings matter in regards to his relationship with his eldest?

[@spydersoup8447]

I get the feeling the reason why OP's dad hasn't cut tires with OP and still allows OP to be with him is to keep up appearances like I bet if he never had to worry about looking good, he would've cut ties with OP completely and say he's his mom's responsibility now.

[@arirose5887]

First story: going Karen for a cause is needed sometimes. Especially when people conveniently “forget” how IEPs work Last story: you dodged a major bullet OP because that guy would have immediately been on some sexual harassment type nonsense the second you got hired.

[@mozmotheferret7913]

I agree, but to be honest, the principle and substitute acted like the Karen's. Intimidating the child to do something she was incapable of, because "you're not disabled". Pushing the after school detention and not listening to reason when OP stated there's no one to pick her up, so lunch time detentions would work better for everyone. The whole "we don't care if she has a disability, she'll walk home from the bus drop off. Consequences must be made", instead of putting the child's need first, whether disabled or not. And the principle completely ignoring the fact the male substitute was the one in the wrong, but received no 'consequence'.

[@hanalexcranealister6799]

In my books being a Karen is being entitled without the right to be entitled, in that story OP had every right to be entitled and mad

[@RedditsNightOwl]

I'm still shocked they didn't even mention what the sub teacher is going to face, apparently nothing.

[@black1917]

@@RedditsNightOwl Why would he face anything? The principle is clearly on his side. Time for a lawsuit.

[@RedditsNightOwl]

@@black1917 That's what I meant... the system is rigged. It's even hard to get anything with a lawsuit since nothing really happened, even if the mother wins, the teacher would only get a slap on the wrist

[@DisneyFanatic2364]

That last story: pretty sure some of those questions are illegal to ask in an interview. The guy was basically flirting too, making the hiring process a conflict of interest, which could've led to quid pro quo sexual harassment.

[@LaundryFaerie]

Frankly, she was doing Eddie a favor by calling him on the carpet over this. You can bet he's done stuff like this before and gotten away with it, but getting actual, painful consequences for his actions means that he probably won't attempt to sexually harass people at the workplace again. If he chooses to learn from this incident, it will make him a better worker and a better person.

[@BeeWhistler]

@@LaundryFaerie Doesn't sound like he learned a thing in the moment, though. The idea of a sexual harasser having the stupid audacity to say this could be resolved between them! He removed that option from the table the moment he said she didn't get the job after she made it clear that she found his questions inappropriate. Where was there the option to work things out appropriately? She wasn't employed at the company because of his toxic behavior! And he's still blaming her for his problems. I don't hold out much hope for Eddie.

[@tonyaburton332]

@@LaundryFaerie you ⅞8y⁸⁹ū4r⅘y⁷8

[@Suraht]

If the interviewer is asking those questions, they don't get to interview people anymore. Companies don't like having potential lawsuits and fines hanging over their heads.

[@lillylovegood2300]

And then afterwards he went and emailed her. Disgusting, illegal behavior.

[@smallfeather2407]

I will never understand people who get so mad to people with disabilities. it's a child who knows their body.

[@skorpiongod]

These types of people generally think they're lying about their disabilities to get out of things or to get "special privileges". Morons.

[@SailorMya]

Honestly, shouldn't it be up to the substitute to figure out if she does have a IEP the moment she said that? SMH The school is failing this girl on so many levels right now.

[@spicydiarrhea5662]

Couple of days ago I was cucked by a black guy, now he says he will kick my a$$. I said I have a disability but he don't care. Even my wife is mad at me because I returned to the house early... AITA?

[@DeathProductions200]

@@SailorMya yes. And also the teacher should (i don't know if its required or not, but generally should) in their sub planning saying a student in whatever class period has an IEP. In the end, there is a failure where a kid has to advocate for their own disability, because the teacher, substitute, or school admin have failed to do the right steps. And it frustrates me as a disabled person myself (my school had an elevator for disabled folk, and I continuously got yelled at for taking it during moments where stairs were a safety risk for me).

[@supervegito2277]

@@SailorMya Yeah, the substitute should have either checked her file (or however that works), or asked someone who actually knows, not just assume lies. Assume nothing, and get the damn info.

[@justicedunham4088]

Punishing a child with special needs for “disrespecting” a person who doesn’t deserve respect.

[@ilyte1]

Precisely why I don't think insubordination or disrespect should be a punishable offense in a country whose very first amendment is the right to free speech. If said disrespect reaches a level that it could be harmful or impeding than there is already a law for that called harassment

[@C.G.Gaster]

@@ilyte1 yeah its dumb, but they have a work around in place because the government cant take it away (which is a lie, they have arrested those are outspoken against wars in the past) everyone else is fair game. Not to mention almost every state is basically the employer can fire you for any reason outside of discrimination of race, gender, etc.

[@SilverMe2004]

1 It was the words she used not the level of respect that she was showing 2 Teachers automatically deserver the respect of their students as a necessity for teaching 3 Yes the teacher was wrong and I believe the IEP meant she was exempt for what was being taught and thus exempt from the necessity of respect, but cussing is still not accepted.

[@albertinstan5090]

@@SilverMe2004 and I also can't believe you treat a person who's a fucking substitute gym teacher like a real teacher

[@thesquad-airsoftgamingnerf9643]

@@SilverMe2004 in some situations, sometimes you have to shock them to get them to listen.

[@tully6648]

The story with the gemologist had edits and updates. I'm happy to say that she had a serious talk with him about why he was pressing so hard. It's about what I suspected-she makes much more than him and has her own home, so even though he was moving in and had access to everything else, not having access to this one thing made him feel like she was looking down on him and treating him like a child. From the update: "I told him if that’s how he feels then this is not the right relationship for either of us and that it was best we break up. He was shocked that I was ending things over this, cried and asked me to reconsider, when I said no he then got angry, called me a stuck up b-- said he was better off without me anyway and went to his friends." So, yeah. Like I've always said, if someone can't handle a simple boundary or the word "no," then they have absolutely got to go.

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

I think he wanted to steal and sell them.

[@SilverMe2004]

She needs to be careful, as a 30+ well-off female this is going to be a common issue. Society (and the male ego) still expects the husband to be the one making more money. And so most males that earn less than her (which will be the majority that she meets) will secretly, in the back of their mined, think that she is 'a stuck up b--- and that they are better off without her' by this I mean she needs to address the issue not just kick out any guy that feels inferior to her (honestly any guy that is making less than her and doesn't feel inferior is likely up to something)

[@CountessJJ]

@@SilverMe2004 address what issue? A good guy isn't going to care that she makes more. Fuck society, you should be proud of your partner for being successful. That jealous ass deserved being kicked out.

[@esporeno]

lol because he could not have access to a safe he neither wanted to open or see the stones xD but she did the right adult thing.

[@esporeno]

@@SilverMe2004 my GF is also making more than me, but we never had this kind of problem. I make enough that i could live alone, as does she (she has some horses xD) but for bills, food, vacation, presents, etc. its our money and not her or mine. and that with the male ego ist just such a joke. If you need to earn more money than your wife/gf so your ego is not getting hurt, you should learn to be an adult.

[@THEDubbleHelixx]

The story about the safe: major red flag alert. I don't trust anyone who tries to force their partners to lose any and all sense of privacy in a relationship. This could - potentially - be setting OP for employment and financial abuse.

[@Schweighsr]

Yeah, that is a bigger red flag that has ever flown over Russia and China.

[@tully6648]

Absolutely right. It's honestly staggering the number of people out there who can't handle the simplest of boundaries or the rarest hard "no."

[@glennrishton5679]

For the guy to frame being given as "a sign of trust"? No the demand for the code is a sign the guy should not be trusted. That goes back to a basic life lesson, never trust anyone who says "Trust me".

[@morgandouglas6014]

@@Schweighsr I agree this is a red flag. The boyfriend may be plotting to steal the gems and try to sell them for money.

[@Juzokinnie]

He has absolutely no reason to be in there. It's not even like he has a good reason to want the code for it. He also can't respect a simple boundary. I'm guessing he probably had plans to sell it's contents for money or something like that. Why else would he push so hard? It would either be to make money off the collection or to assert power and control over OP, perhaps both.

[@shark_with_legs]

First story: NTA. Op has a child with a disability. If the teacher didn’t provide accommodations for the child, Op should prioritize child. The teacher should be reprimanded and taught that, even if the child may not look disabled, the accommodations to such disability have to stay in any situation.

[@chaudx]

the teacher being reprimanded isn't enough, he literally threatened a disabled person, this guy is really unstable. What if the next time he DO force a kid to do something they can't/shouldn't do for medical reasons and that kid get's seriously hurt or worse, the best thing is to cut the losses and just fire/ban him from teaching....

[@somebodykares1]

It was a substitute teacher aswell meaning they were not informed of the child's accommodations, and also the school can't do anything about that teacher due to substitutes not being bound to one school, which is dumb. Still a teacher should not give off or attempt to give off dominating vibes, and force children to do something they can't do because of reasons.

[@shark_with_legs]

I’m pretty sure that if the substitute teacher was informed about any accommodations or exceptions for certain student, that fault fall on the principal for not informing prior.

[@pugmcmuffins9282]

Couldn't they be sued for ignoring the IEP? That's super illegal, not just immoral.

[@vikkran401]

@@pugmcmuffins9282 They could yeah because they are breaking federal law. That school could face way worse punishment then being sued if it were brough to light.

[@gumzee269]

The second story, as the child of a guy who “went to get the milk” so to speak, he’s always put me second to either his own fun or his constantly changing girlfriends. Op is NTA. At. All. Going through that is hard, and cutting it off and stopping the cycle can be such a relief.

[@SailorMya]

Sounds like he is making all the right choices now to cut him out instead of letting his dad hurt him more...

[@mozmotheferret7913]

Honestly, it's completely understandable why kids in these situations cut contact with the parent that have no time for them. To be constantly let down by a parent who makes nothing but false promises must be exhausting. It's not too much to ask for a child to want to spend a day with their parent, especially when the kid is paying for themselves to do an activity, only to be told "sorry, I can't. Something more important has come up with stepchild" last minute. Asking for the money back after gifting it for his kids graduation, because stepchild has a birthday is probably the lowest. OP really wanted to give his dad the benefit of the doubt even though it hurt so much, but his dad just failed him over and over.

[@laurencesnee8362]

@@mozmotheferret7913 I know, even right at the end when the father says that OP hurt the other kids' feelings, that shows he really doesn't care. What an absolute prick.

[@mozmotheferret7913]

@@laurencesnee8362 exactly! The dad is too much of a C*nt to OP he can't understand how much he's hurt OP over the years. That dad doesn't deserve OP's love, patience or time.

[@ballinbunnies]

The parents divorced like 14 years before this story, he didn't go out for milk. OP needs to grow up and realize the world and daddy doesn't revolve around him.

[@silverflight01]

Story 3: It's funny when stuff like this happens. Being prideful can wind up making you look like an absolute clown in the future when someone humbles you. Kat really believed she was above OP, but in reality, it was the other way around, and OP didn't even rub it in or anything.

[@rjlangaman4741]

And it’s gets funnier when they throw there temper tantrum

[@condorboss3339]

Even IF their husbands' positions were reversed - ie Henry was Chris' boss - being condescending is pure butthole behavior.

[@wellynmontaner3164]

POV: you thought you were stronger than the protagonist

[@TitaniumTronic]

I freaking love stories like these of fools making themselves look even more like a fool.

[@neilprice513]

The last story: If it was one instance of inappropriate questioning and s£xual harassment then "Eddie" would have most likely gotten a warning and had to do some sort of training. The fact that Eddie got fired most likely means that he has done something like this before and his bosses fired him as his s£xual harassment against OP was "The last straw".

[@N0xiety]

Yeah, that's usually how it goes. They most likely knew his antics, and this was a last straw which came with a formal complaint to help finally get rid of him. They can't fire him without sufficient cause or the company can be sued.

[@SilverMe2004]

Reporting someone for any form of harassment doesn't get them fired (there are plenty of complaints about that too) but the fact that he was harassing people is what got him fired. Also her greatest weakness was putting up with harassment? is that suppose to be a strength?

[@appalachianenthusiast9499]

Story 1: I wouldn't even punish her, she was standing up for herself.

[@angeek1879]

I think its bc of the language she used but other than that then i dont see a reason to put into trouble and it wasnt even that bad like she didnt need dentition for swearing id get it if it was something else.

[@MNNski]

I agree, but she does deserve a talking to to understand that how she handled it wasn't the best way, and then coached how to handle a similar situation in the future better. Such a situation should be used as a learning experience not a punishment.

[@jadenconqueso]

They can sue fr

[@jadenconqueso]

Its a breach of the discrimination clause U.S. schools have

[@ilyte1]

@@angeek1879 even then the facts are: a teacher broke the law in refusing accommodation. The student exercised her right to the first amendment as a result of the teacher breaking the law. The student is being punished either way and the teacher is not.

[@hahahehehoho8191]

Last story: She didn't get him fired, she just reported him . His actions got him fired.

[@jaxsonbateman]

I said literally the same thing. 🤣 What's really pathetic is doing the actions that get you fired, and then blaming the victim of those actions for you getting fired. This Eddie fellow is clearly a very pathetic person, and I'm very glad OP took him down.

[@akl2k7]

Most likely this guy already had multiple offenses under his belt and had a reputation. Plus, they probably investigated and found out that he was acting skeevy toward multiple women already. This was just the final straw.

[@alanalirkani]

@@akl2k7 Yeah. Even for sexual harassment, most companies won't fire on the first complaint. Usually some combo of "one more chance", "could be a false report/misunderstanding", and/or reluctance to fire anyone ever, especially if they are in a managerial position.

[@akl2k7]

@@alanalirkani Yeah, exactly. Even serious accusations need to be investigated (although, certain ones like murder would require someone to be taken into custody while the investigation happens, just in case they are dangerous to society).

[@Iflie]

Yeah I bet they had a camera in the room too, one word will not have been enough.

[@Dementio223]

If a kid has trouble walking, I feel like it’d be obvious that they’d be unable to climb a wall. Unless the daughter is able to hide it well, there was no reason for the PE teacher to disbelieve them. Honestly, gym teachers have a special kind of power trip.

[@agentzapdos4960]

"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym." - Jack Black's character in "School of Rock"

[@LittleParody]

I gotta wonder why so many P.E teachers are just so awful. Hell, not even my parents liked my P.E teacher, which says something.

[@marjoriejohnston4905]

@@LittleParody Don't know. The one we had in elementary was loved by the whole school. Sadly, he died suddenly of heart trouble at a basketball game he was coaching when I was in 4th or 5th grade.

[@ivilrat]

Gym teachers suck, i was (very visibly) on the verge of passing out from pre-existing conditions and the heat in the gym, and my teacher refused to let me go to the nurse, or even get a drink of water. Gym teachers made me hate sports tbh.

[@PassiveSmoking]

Their entire job revolved around bullying school kids. The substitute gym teacher's job is to STAND IN for the guy who' normally paid to bully school kids. Honestly, I can't think of many jobs more worthless than "substitute gym teacher".

[@ThEjOkErIsWiLd00]

These people that say you're being "one of those moms" or a "Karen" need to understand the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness. The actions of the mom in the 1st story were righteous and she adequately advocated for and tried to protect her kid.

[@maieen2665]

*First OP:* If a “Karen” is calling out genuinely unjust behavior, then he is not a Karen. The school was trying to put her child in danger! Additionally, OP _did_ discipline her daughter for cussing out the substitute teacher, so she isn’t “one of _those_ parents as her friend insinuated. OP is NTA. *Second OP:* OP and his mom are saints. OP gave his dad many chances to make things up for OP, then at the last minute discards OP for his step/half siblings. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for OP’s dad. If not, OP is better off without him. OP is NTA. I do hope he doesn’t take his anger out on his step and half-siblings. *Third OP:* It’s OP’s duty to tell Kat that OP’s fiancé is Kat’s husband’s boss? LOL, Kat should’ve made it her duty not to be such a snob. OP is NTA; she doesn’t owe Kat Jack. *Fourth OP:* Better safe (ayyy!) than sorry. OP’s job is on the line, so she has no reason to share the code to anyone. OP is NTA, and I’d keep my eye on the boyfriend if I were her. *Fifth OP:* I’ve read this story before. Not only is OP NTA, she just saved future interviewees from dealing with that creep. Good for OP. Also, OP’s parents should’ve had her back.

[@kaithedoge5861]

She said swears after telling the teacher. She did no wrong

[@ramenbomberdeluxe4958]

Thank GOD someone said it! I was about to comment when I realized i was late, but it seems a few have already corrected the notion! Thanks for pointing it out!

[@cynister7384]

@@kaithedoge5861 Because the teacher was trying to make her rock climb when she has cerebral palsy, I would've done the same.

[@velvety2006]

4 i think the bf has an interest in the gem collection just financially and not because they are pretty

[@Godzilladino]

@@kaithedoge5861 Would you not tell someone to f off if they try to bully and intimidate you into foing something?

[@ElkiaStellar]

UPDATES: 1: Amanda's mom pulled her out of the school and now she's attenting a school who has special teachers and rules for disabled children and mom reported the previous school. 2: Op said that he might get therapy later. 3: No updates 4: The commentors woke OP up and made her realize that he's hiding something. OP questioned her lover and turns out (which surprized nobody) OP's lover was jelaous of OP's rich life with her gem collection and he wanted to access everything she had in order to feel rich like her even thought he didn't own any of them. OP told him that he should pack his bags and this little boy cried and whined to manipulate OP but she didn't budge, they have broken up now. 5: Interwiever knows OP's personal information and where she lives from her form. Op has the email he sent her and said that she might do something later which is... Dumb? she thinks that she's the asshole because her interwiever harrassed her. One commentor said that OP should do something before it turns serious because this asshole has her ADDRESS 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@zefiro6829]

Thank you!

[@sweetkairysweetkairy3952]

Thanks ❤❤

[@nicholassanabria6493]

That’s not a Karen that’s a good parent. You know ADA is a serious offense and you should stand your ground

[@sophietremblay3795]

Yeah I have autism and I bring my service dog at school because last due to the pandemic I couldn’t bring my dog with me and without her I am so stressed out I can’t even focus on my studies every principal vice principal and teachers know about my service dog and are totally fine with that my teacher even have accommodation for me when I have exam

[@amateural]

Last story: if that interviewer was cocky enough to target new hires, just imagine what he's doing to girls he can threaten with firing Also "we could've handled this between us" has exactly one outcome with a perv like that

[@velvety2006]

I also think op might have not been the first to complain about his behaviour maybe they brushed off the others that already worked there but when someone new told them that he became a liability

[@hunnykun101]

@@velvety2006 that or -Some interviewers walked out and didn't want to work here/report him because if he hires then, they have to deal with him. And also he was reported before then that was last warning but since he's being a 'good boy/worker' he thinks he's Scott free and kept his job. I really hope the company didn't ignore this for a long time because he's been doing it for to long

[@DarkusZarvix]

First story. Sounds like a disability related lawsuit could be filed for sure. The child tried to explain she has a disability and an IEP. The teacher either didn't listen and didn't believe the child or the school didn't tell the teacher about the IEP and that he had to follow it. Either way, the child isn't at fault. Disbelieving a disabled child because another child said "me too" is just enraging. Protecting your child and preventing them from getting hurt is not being a Karen... it's being a good parent! When the adult tried to intimidate her, saying "fuck off" I feel is totally appropriate. Clearly, the teacher didn't respect the disability and just wanted to push her around! She could have done one of two things, tried to climb the wall after being intimidated or fighting back from being intimidated because knowing that climbing that wall meant physical harm and sticking to your guns. Yeah, language could have been better... but the teacher AND school's behavior could have prevented this in the first place.

[@ohnosmoarlulcatz]

It's a little more complicated than that. You can't just share an IEP with anyone and most schools don't ask parents for a general release since that could get them in a lot of trouble if it gets into the wrong hands. Heck, you can even get in trouble for talking about it in an unsecured room if someone wanted to go after you for that. It's normally only given to counselor, parents, and the teachers the student sees in their classes. As the substitute teacher is not one of these teachers, they are generally not given access to the IEP unless the school has the foresight to have a release form signed during registration or the special ed teacher goes out of their way to rewrite special versions that can be released to substitute teachers (this version cuts out like 90% of the details included in an IEP, just one or two sentences about the problem with the student and if you need to do something). And depending on your school, there are people who will lie about their IEP status, which is why my school has it marked. About 10% of students at my school have some kind of IEP or 504 accommodation. The attendance system at my school marks the students with IEPs on attendance that is done through computers only. My school has a little red cross for medical condition and a globe for limited language when you highlight their portrait to try to prevent over the shoulder nonsense. This at least lets people know they have medical conditions or an IEP, but doesn't disclose the situation so that they can at least prevent the situation in the video without getting in too much trouble if someone catches a glimpse of the screen.

[@DarkusZarvix]

@@ohnosmoarlulcatz Damn, didn't know that! Thanks for letting me know! So the teacher either didn't get told to respect children with disabilities in records, if it had a system like you described, or the school doesn't have that system and expects the teacher to believe the students and not push children around at all. Sounds like a big flaw in what that particular school did in not having that system or hired a substitute that wouldn't respect what the children say. Either way, the OP is NTA.

[@agentzapdos4960]

The snot-nosed brat that lied and said "me too" should be punished too.

[@cyanideytcuriousseadoggo]

@@DarkusZarvix Lol. Going Karen mode is acceptable there. The school should have been sued for ignoring that Kid’s IEP. That sub either had no clue about the IEP or didn’t care. In bofa deez cases the school is at fault.

[@ShadowReignhart]

Do IEP laws differ in Australia? Because after reading all of the updates on Reddit, OP is Australian.

[@PinataFreaks]

With that last story: Nobody gets fired because one person complains. Especially not one person who was just denied a job and has something to win from it. There must have been way more reports of his inappropriate behavior to warrant that. And on top of that, all OP did was to accurately report the truth of what he said. If the company deemed that to be bad enough to fire him, that's on the company. Not OP.

[@SoldierSpiderx]

fact he must already got warn before and this was his last strike and got fired when OP report him and for sure if Op got hired he would kept asking her inappropriate thing

[@josephnorris4095]

In today's attitude of believe all gals, one complaint can get you fired. However, what he did was not professional, regardless and could get the company in some serious hot water. What was even worse is that he reached out to her after the fact, with information he had that should not have been personally available to him.

[@hunnykun101]

Even in employment training and services courses, they stated if a interviewer(s) if they start to as personal questions you can walk away and report them for that behavior. You think he should know better but nope! Makes me think he did to others but none didn't report him because if that means if they get hired by him, they have to work with him

[@PinataFreaks]

@@josephnorris4095 It's almost adorable that you think that. But no. One report sent in to a company from an outsider will not get anyone fired. This wasn't a massive social media campaign with lots of negative publicity against the company. This was (supposedly) one report. Do you know how easy it is to make a report like that vanish. It's not like OP was likely to follow up on this and keep track of what was going on at the company.

[@SilverMe2004]

@@josephnorris4095 what is wrong with todays attitude is that she feels guilty for repotting bad behavior.

[@Kruhee]

I have the update to the first post: Update to my AITA post I knew my update would be longer than AITA's 3000 character limit, so thought I would update here. Thank you to all the amazing comments, help and advice I got. It even reached some news sites here which was a bit overwhelming. I did talk to Amanda and again apologised for the grounding. We had a big talk about the language she used and I told her that unfortunately ableism is something she's going to have to handle for the rest of her life. I told her that at 13, I don't expect her to have the words and articulation of an adult - but we can't just walk around saying "fuck off" or "fuck you" to every jerk in our lives! It makes it a lot harder for situations to be taken seriously and something to be done about it if someone also has to discipline her for inappropriate language or verbal abuse. Amanda actually brought up the post to ME and said a classmate sent an article to her (that had basically stolen my post for 'news') and said "This you right?". Amanda has asked me NOT to go to the media or make this go "viral" because she just isn't comfortable with that sort of attention. She has agreed to start a new school next semester if this situation isn't resolved and also (of her own accord) wrote a letter to the principal apologising for the language she used, and explained that she was feeling embarrassed and 'called out' and a whole host of emotions which made her feel like she "shut down". She also wrote in the letter her own plans to do "better" (her words not mine) aka, not to swear, use 'real' words and if that doesn't work, she will leave class and go to the SPED room for help. She honestly amazes me. I told her she was not required to write this letter, that I totally understood her emotions and lack of preparedness seeing as this was the first real situation she was not believed about her limitations - but she told me she WANTED to grow and do this in an adult way for the "future". I told her that if they try and make her do a lunch detention on Friday to ask them to call me because I didn't want her doing a detention until after our meeting on Monday. Which brings me to the next part. On Friday morning before I went into work, I sent the Principal an email basically going over our phone call and asking him to confirm that both the situation with Amanda in class, and our phone call straight after (and his horrible "natural consequences" reaction!) did in fact happen. I spelt it out as plainly as possible, including things such as the regular PE teacher not leaving a note about Amanda, the sub not having any knowledge of a student with disabilities in their class - causing a safety risk etc. I also included that this had happened previously with a sub and that I was promised change - which obviously didn't happen. At the end of the email I reiterated that Amanda was never to be given an after school detention without my permission and was to be on her regular bus with no problems. I also emailed this to the SPED coordinator and asked for an IEP meeting to update this and to also update about an additional plan for PE when there is a sub. (Yes, I do actually want Amanda taken out of PE, but that has to wait until our next semester which starts in a few weeks). The principal emailed me back and confirmed everything; even reminding me that this was a private school and that a "normal" child would have been suspended for their behaviour (refusal to follow instructions, swearing at a teacher, etc) and that they had "applied special circumstances" because of Amanda's disabilities. Like they were doing me a favour! I ended up calling work on my way in and asking to be replaced as soon as possible so I could sort this out. I worked 2 hours before another girl showed up to replace me (I snuck some money into her locker so she could buy lunch as a thank you!) and did two things. I called into the local public high school and was able to have a tour/meeting to see if it would be possible for Amanda to start there after holidays. I filled them in on the situation and they told me (and even printed out for me!) all their policies regarding special needs students and accommodations. This school is multi level but they assured me that it would be no drama moving the classes Amanda would go into on a lower level because "we do it all the time, we have about 10 other kids that require this accommodation as well". They also said they have a policy that even though they give a sub their class lists for the day which highlights any students that have an IEP, allergies, etc, they also email the SPED unit on which students are 'affected' that day and the SPED coordinator goes and checks on them just to make sure all is good. I was amazed. I'm bringing Amanda back on Tuesday (Monday is a public holiday here) for her own tour and then she'll start next semester. I then went to Amanda's current school and asked to see the Principal (I wasn't expecting much). But surprisingly he let me into his office and asked if I was here to discuss how to "handle" this. I did ask him if it was possible to get the sub into this meeting but he was "in class". Anyway. I asked him to walk me through the entire situation, and basically stopped him at every possible moment to interject and ask every single question on my mind like "So why did your school neglect my daughter and put her at physical risk by not providing her IEP to the sub?", "Has the child who LIED about having a disability been punished?" (his answer: "I'm not legally allowed to tell you that"). and so on and so forth. He tried to say that there should be no "need" for the sub to have the IEP as it should be "clear" Amanda had a disability and I was like "hmm, maybe (name) needs to go to Specsavers then". (A glasses shop in Australia). He tried to bring it back to Amanda's language and I very firmly said we had spoken about it and asked if he had gotten the letter Amanda had written him. He said yes and I said "Excellent, so there should be no need for her to face unnecessary punishment and I don't have to ring the department of education and put in a neglect complaint"... He then suggested that maybe their school wasn't the right fit for Amanda's "limitations" and that she needed more "help" than they could give and suggested a (semi) local special needs school for severely disabled children. My head almost blew off from the amount of steam coming from my ears; but I calmly stood up and stated that Amanda would be attending (public school name) and said I wanted all her records sent over by the end of the week. I also said that Amanda would not be back and that today (aka yesterday) was her last day. I've emailed him (and the SPED coordinator) to re-state I wanted Amanda's records sent over and thanked the coordinator for everything she's done for Amanda. Amanda is very excited to start her new school and loves that it even has both a choir and a Glee club that she can check out and join if she would like. (She can't decide between which one!) Sorry this was such a long post and thank you again for all your help and support!

[@fadedotexe5888]

Please contact a lawyer and rain hell down on that school. Your child and yourself deserves compensation for what they did. They endangered a disabled child and will do it again. Your daughter shouldn't have had to apologize at all, in my opinion. I don't care about your stances on swearing, "fuck off" was exceptionally warranted in that situation. She was treated aggressively by a stranger (the sub), looming over her and using his body much larger than her to intimidate a CHILD. This is behavior my abusive father did. There is malicious intent behind it.

[@metademetra]

OH MY GOD, Does "disability" carry no weight to this principal?!

[@SerenaSilverMoon]

Can you add the link to the post please?

[@gatochick14]

This is a beautiful update. I really hope momp rains legal hell down on these abelist asshats, but the best part is that her daughter is safe, heard, and getting a way better situation on top of that!

[@Kruhee]

Hey, so I keep adding the link to the reddit post and KZbin keeps taking down. Sorry. 😔

[@wakeangel2001]

For the first story the gym teacher would get a 4/5 because at the very least he could be ignorant of the disabled student accomodation since he was a substitute, but the principal gets the full 5/5 since as the school administrator he would have known FULL WELL what their policies were and what this disabled child's needs are and put her in danger anyway.

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

Story 1; There's a massive update that you didn't even read. The mum apologised, ungrounded Amanda, tore into the school and ended up transferring her to another school that was much better. Amanda asked that the media not be involved (There was alot of interest from the media) because she didn't want to be a spectacle. Story 2; "you hurt their feelings" and the dad hurt OP's feelings, repeatedly. He can put on his big boy pants and suck it up. Story 3; It's not OP's job to babysit Kat's feelings. She's an adult. If she can't handle not being a narcissist about her wealth and wedding, that's on her. Story 4; Watch you give him the code and slowly the gems start to disappear. There's no reason for him to have it, it's not a trust thing, it's a respect thing. You said no. He needs to respect that. (She did update the post, they broke up because she said it was a respect thing and he was disrepecting her, he was jealous she made more, yadda yadda... he called her a stuck up b*tch and left. So nice guy material right there. However, the comments made her realise that a partner should respect her passions, and she was so happy to see questions about her work, but also realised he never asked her stuff like that. She misses him, but feels better.) Story 5; NTA. If he did that with you, how does he behave with other women? You're just the one who called him out.

[@Tustin2121]

Thank you for the updates on stories 1 and 4. So glad things worked out well for both.

[@hilariousactually]

I'm glad she didn't get punished, she totally didn't deserve it!

[@gavinsmith9871]

I'm glad that story 1 turned out that way tbh.

[@maija_]

I got mad on behalf of the mother in the first story. The principal saying that a child with a disability is faking and doesn't even have a disability makes me so angry. Don't they have actual medical records of her ceraberal palsy?? OP could definitely win a lawsuit.

[@MarinaAstraAngel]

The story where op doesn't want to give her boyfriend the code to her safe sounds sketchy. He claims he has no interest in her collection yet he keeps on insisting he needs access to them. It sounds super fishy and sketchy.

[@scottkendrix6231]

Sounds to me like his only reason for wanting the combination is easy access to a quick source of money if he needs it.

[@parisgreen4600]

Totally agree - the idea that he keeps pushing her to 'prove she trusts him' is a whole parade of red flags. Her house, her safe, her gemstones, her rules - if he doesn't like it, he can leave.

[@CountessJJ]

A slight interest in the safe would be fine. Like wow babe can I see your collection sounds so cool. But insisting on having the code for 'no reason', that's sus as fuck. He just wanted to steal her shit.

[@AzureKyle]

There was an update to the story. OP basically told him it's not a trust thing, but a respect thing, and he needs to respect her decision. He basically admitted to being jealous she makes more than him and when she refused to give him the code, he felt like she was looking down on him. She told him if he felt like that, then the relationship wasn't going to work out. He then asked if she was seriously going to break up with him over this, she said yes, and then he called her a stuck up bitch and left with his friends, saying he doesn't need her.

[@Vixa_Jaz]

@@AzureKyle I’m glad she left

[@DawnzeenaMcGill]

Hey RSLASH! The first story is one I can relate to, I’m autistic and in 2006 or 2007 I don’t remember which my teachers and principal used to lock me in a closet or empty room because “they couldn’t have me being disruptive and distracting the class” my coping skill when I was overwhelmed or angry was to go sit in a quiet corner of the room and rock back and forth. My parents went after the school and it lost its government funding for child abuse. I’ve shared it on Reddit but the only place it didn’t get taken down for “not being a true event” was Entitled people because for some reason everyone believes that in the early 2000s when everyone’s reaction to autistic and disabled kids was pretend they don’t exist, this would have been all over the news as if the school would have actually let this be made public and risk ruining their image. Their proof is always “well it was on the news the other day that a student caught on their iPhone that a teacher was harassing a disable kid, there’s no way this would have been kept quiet.” Okay and aside from the security cameras how were any first graders supporting to catch how they were treating me on camera in 2006? The only reason they were found out to be doing it was because a lunch lady told my gram about their abuse and my parents, a soldier and an adult probation officer, launched an investigation and got their government funding taken away. And again this was 2006, no one cared that am autistic child was abused and told if she said anything to anyone she’d be shipped far away and never see her family again. I now have ptsd attacks if I’m carried over someone’s shoulder (unless it’s my dad or someone I trust who warned me beforehand that they’re gonna carry me like a sack of potatoes) or if I think I’m stuck in a closet. Didn’t learn that last one until my brother thought it’d be funny to have me get something in the closet and then hold the door shut on me. My brain immediately thought I was 6 and being punished for my coping skills all over again, it took a good 10 minutes after being left out (thanks Mike, my dad’s service dog 🐕‍🦺 your definitely helped speed that up) before I regained a sense of where I was, what year it was, and what was going on. So yeah that mom really should have pushed harder for her daughter being treated like that.

[@Ooooriiiigggghhht]

@Rslash In regards to story 1: Teacher here. You HAVE to follow whatever an IEP says. It’s a legally binding document. Mom has total grounds for a law suit because they didn’t follow the IEP guidelines which is meant to protect kids from situations like these. Not only that but the sub should have lost their job. Mom has every right to go down to the school with the IEP in hand, shove it in the principals face, and if he still doesn’t change his mind, then she can see them in court. The school doesn’t even have a right to give her lunch detention because she was just standing up for herself. No pun intended at all. Super serious situation here. I would be sweating bullets and having trouble sleeping if I was that principal.

[@Wittyrose]

As a parent of a disabled child with an IEP that mom can totally go do the disability advocate of her state and get that school is trouble for going against her child’s IEP.

[@asdisgunnarsdottir2472]

The lady shouldn't be guilty about getting Eddie fired, she's being sexually harassed, and the company goes down if she sues. He should face the consequences of abusing power.

[@MalekitGJ]

I heard about difficult and personal questions asked on interviews, but that never crossed the line about sexual harassment. Some are made to test your patience & mind clearness under pressure, but at the end all of them are ALREADY scripted before the interview, to avoid lawsuits.

[@geckokid8265]

And the fact that he was fired shows that this probably isn't the first time he has done something like this

[@MusicalArtist85]

OO

[@allenbanks910]

I’m loving the kid with cerebral palsy. Mom and dad are doing a good job of teaching her to set boundaries - being told to f-off is the least of that substitute teacher’s problems.

[@masterridley8593]

Yeah, if i had to choose that reaction or being forced to do activities you're legally not allowed to do and risk serious injury, I would be proud to talk smack. besides going against an IEP or what that hopefully ex-PE teacher said the same as s*****l har***ment in the workplace, if not worse.

[@Nerobyrne]

An ex of mine has cerebral palsy. It comes in different intensities, but I don't think anyone with this condition can climb a rock wall! Hell, plenty of people with no motor impairment can't even do it. Basically, the disease severely restricts the movement of the extremities because it causes the tendons to be shorter than they are supposed to be. The problem is, your body THINKS they're the right length, which is why surgery doesn't really fix it for long. Even if you're able to walk, it's only in a very specific manner. How does someone become a teacher for "physical education" without knowing simple things like what movement impairment is? I have no idea, but this is crazy. Sounds like the entire school is full of people who shouldn't be allowed near kids, ever. Asking someone with CP to climb a wall is like asking someone with no legs to run. And then they get mad at her for not doing it? Damn, this really makes me mad ^^

[@Nerobyrne]

@Sarafina Summers so being a sub turns your brain off?

[@kjb-gamesandreading3981]

Pretty sure that that last one, Eddie, would have needed to be reported multiple times to get fired. Might be wrong, but... that's typically how most work places run things. Getting multiple reports, then fired

[@Davidecoyotegmodsfmrocks9782]

The first story made me mad. As a person with autism, I want to say that what the school did is unacceptable.

[@Cynsome1]

My youngest has aspergers. I agree with you! This story made me mad too!

[@elliotwarren1090]

For the story of the kid with the graduation money: Funnily enough a very similar thing happened between my dad and I last summer, except he was choosing his kids from his first marriage, their partners, and their kids over anything for me in terms of a gift for a little Christmas in July party we were going to hold for just the immediate family. I had always known he liked his older kids more than me, but him actively telling me that hurt. He and I are barely on speaking terms now.

[@Hybrid301]

Some times you just have to channel the dark forces. NTA and that school could be faced with a lawsuit for ignoring the IEP.

[@morganmurphy815]

As someone who has an IEP, it is super illegal to not follow the IEP

[@ДмитрийГусарев-ж8ъ]

Both PE teacher and principal should be fired after what they've done.

[@Nerobyrne]

I've heard about these IEP things, and apparently it's a big deal to disregard them. Although I'm not a teacher or even live in the US, but I'd totally report this incident if I was the parent.

[@gumzee269]

I’m in an education training course, ignoring an IEP or a 405 plan is really big, because those come from literal doctors. You can’t just “get” one. It’s a long process to make sure people aren’t taking advantage of the system

[@Can_think_of_a_name]

@@Nerobyrne OP and her Kids live in Australia z she mentioned that in her updates

[@arturoreyes2119]

1st story: the words "in loco parentis" come to mind. It basically means that at school, teachers have the obligation to treat learners like they would treat their own children. If it would be abuse coming from a parent, it would be *hella* abuse coming from a teacher

[@thehowlinggamer5784]

File a class action lawsuit against that school because who knows who else they have done this to.

[@claydolmaster2644]

Story 1. I had an IEP in highschool. Simply put. They broke the law. My mom worked at the school I went to and was more than willing to burn bridges if my IEP wasn’t followed. The school could and should get in serious trouble. I promise this is more than likely not the first time this has happened. I seriously recommend suing

[@ismae-rienne4991]

We all know that most teachers/substitutes don't read IEPs nor do they care. It's way past time to fix that.

[@courtneypuzzo2502]

@Ismae Rienne yeah exactly I've had my own experiences like that when I was in middle school/high school late 90s/ early 2000s dad had to rip a gym teacher a new asshole because he tried to make me someone who is legally blind/Autistic try to play baseball etc. oh and dad is a police officer teachers ignoring the kids IEP should be at least repremanded if not fired

[@Nerobyrne]

Even if he didn't read it, CP is a VERY obvious illness. You can very clearly see that a person who has it is not capable of normal movement, and certainly not things like running or climbing a wall. Many people with this condition can't even walk at all.

[@ismae-rienne4991]

@@courtneypuzzo2502 true. I was just speaking in general. This is an issue across the board that NEEDS to be fixed.

[@spicy_shumai]

I swear these stories makes me question reality. They really go "I stopped the local creep from abusing a kid, but my parents think I'm the a-hole because everyone has needs", THAT'S HOW INSANE SOME OF THEM SOUND WTF- How the eff did OP's parents in the last story even manage to say "you're being an a-hole" because OP complained that she was being sexually harassed??? GOD, I'M MAD.

[@Eclipse-mf6hc]

It isn’t uncommon for the parents of neurodivergent and or disabled children have to be Karens just to make sure their kids get the help that they are entitled to under the law (I’m talking from Australia, but I’m aware of similar laws in other countries). my mum had to become one of these Karens- and it’s a good thing she did or else I’d be “dead in a ditch” or so to speak, and my special needs aren’t even that great in the grand scheme of things, I can pretty easily mask save for a bit of fidgeting. Parents of children with special needs deserve a bloody medal

[@sexytinatrainconductress7791]

Yeah I’m autistic and dyslexic in Australia and i can’t count the times my parents have had to fight to get me provisions I needed or fight the school over detentions I’ve received for meltdowns due to sensory overload as well as a whole host of other things teacher seem to be so sure your faking absolutely any and everything

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

Karen is supposed to mean someone who makes demands & acts entitled for no good reason. It wasn't ever supposed to mean a woman who, gasp, isn't being polite while standing up for something. It's ridiculous that women get called names for rightfully defending their kid, which is their job as a mother.

[@fdm2155]

I have children on the Autism spectrum. I also have a background in managing ADA accommodations requests and law. So yeah, I never had a problem being quite direct and firm when advocating for my kids at their schools. That's not being a Karen. Frankly, I saved them from being sued into the ground by preventing them from doing illegal and stupid things!

[@Eclipse-mf6hc]

@@sexytinatrainconductress7791 yh, I’ve also got autism, dyslexia as well as ADHD. I don’t know what state ur from but I pray that you’ve never had to deal with NESA before, and if you have then my sincerest apologies (unironically) I know how harsh they can be…

[@Eclipse-mf6hc]

@@aduckofsomesort damn it. Sorry. I didn’t mean to exclude disabled ppl from the discussion, it’s an oversight on my part. I’m gonna edit my original comment so I can be more inclusive (and accurate, because disabled ppl can face just as many problems as neurodivergent ppl, just because they can be different problems, doesn’t not make them problems), sorry

[@rhijones382]

Story 2: definitely NTA As someone who's gone no contact with her biological father, this story made me feel for OP and his mum. My own bio dad would rather spend more time with the dozen kids he has with his wife then actually come to my house to see me (in the past I've always gone to see him) I'm not his favourite daughter, he's made that clear. And his eldest basically tried to guilt trip me last year on my birthday telling me the baby hasn't even met me yet (the baby was born during lockdown and I'm *not* in their bubble) I'm done with that family except my sister. She's the only one I accept as a sibling on that side.

[@breezy3392]

Story 1: Sue the school for child endangerment

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

First story had an update: "I did talk to Amanda and again apologised for the grounding. We had a big talk about the language she used and I told her that unfortunately ableism is something she's going to have to handle for the rest of her life. I told her that at 13, I don't expect her to have the words and articulation of an adult - but we can't just walk around saying "fuck off" or "fuck you" to every jerk in our lives! It makes it a lot harder for situations to be taken seriously and something to be done about it if someone also has to discipline her for inappropriate language or verbal abuse. Amanda actually brought up the post to ME and said a classmate sent an article to her (that had basically stolen my post for 'news') and said "This you right?". Amanda has asked me NOT to go to the media or make this go "viral" because she just isn't comfortable with that sort of attention. She has agreed to start a new school next semester if this situation isn't resolved and also (of her own accord) wrote a letter to the principal apologising for the language she used, and explained that she was feeling embarrassed and 'called out' and a whole host of emotions which made her feel like she "shut down". She also wrote in the letter her own plans to do "better" (her words not mine) aka, not to swear, use 'real' words and if that doesn't work, she will leave class and go to the SPED room for help. She honestly amazes me. I told her she was not required to write this letter, that I totally understood her emotions and lack of preparedness seeing as this was the first real situation she was not believed about her limitations - but she told me she WANTED to grow and do this in an adult way for the "future". I told her that if they try and make her do a lunch detention on Friday to ask them to call me because I didn't want her doing a detention until after our meeting on Monday. Which brings me to the next part." **Edit** (I accidentally forgot to paste the second half. My apologies) "On Friday morning before I went into work, I sent the Principal an email basically going over our phone call and asking him to confirm that both the situation with Amanda in class, and our phone call straight after (and his horrible "natural consequences" reaction!) did in fact happen. I spelt it out as plainly as possible, including things such as the regular PE teacher not leaving a note about Amanda, the sub not having any knowledge of a student with disabilities in their class - causing a safety risk etc. I also included that this had happened previously with a sub and that I was promised change - which obviously didn't happen. At the end of the email I reiterated that Amanda was never to be given an after school detention without my permission and was to be on her regular bus with no problems. I also emailed this to the SPED coordinator and asked for an IEP meeting to update this and to also update about an additional plan for PE when there is a sub. (Yes, I do actually want Amanda taken out of PE, but that has to wait until our next semester which starts in a few weeks). The principal emailed me back and confirmed everything; even reminding me that this was a private school and that a "normal" child would have been suspended for their behaviour (refusal to follow instructions, swearing at a teacher, etc) and that they had "applied special circumstances" because of Amanda's disabilities. Like they were doing me a favour! I ended up calling work on my way in and asking to be replaced as soon as possible so I could sort this out. I worked 2 hours before another girl showed up to replace me (I snuck some money into her locker so she could buy lunch as a thank you!) and did two things. I called into the local public high school and was able to have a tour/meeting to see if it would be possible for Amanda to start there after holidays. I filled them in on the situation and they told me (and even printed out for me!) all their policies regarding special needs students and accommodations. This school is multi level but they assured me that it would be no drama moving the classes Amanda would go into on a lower level because "we do it all the time, we have about 10 other kids that require this accommodation as well". They also said they have a policy that even though they give a sub their class lists for the day which highlights any students that have an IEP, allergies, etc, they also email the SPED unit on which students are 'affected' that day and the SPED coordinator goes and checks on them just to make sure all is good. I was amazed. I'm bringing Amanda back on Tuesday (Monday is a public holiday here) for her own tour and then she'll start next semester. I then went to Amanda's current school and asked to see the Principal (I wasn't expecting much). But surprisingly he let me into his office and asked if I was here to discuss how to "handle" this. I did ask him if it was possible to get the sub into this meeting but he was "in class". Anyway. I asked him to walk me through the entire situation, and basically stopped him at every possible moment to interject and ask every single question on my mind like "So why did your school neglect my daughter and put her at physical risk by not providing her IEP to the sub?", "Has the child who LIED about having a disability been punished?" (his answer: "I'm not legally allowed to tell you that"). and so on and so forth. He tried to say that there should be no "need" for the sub to have the IEP as it should be "clear" Amanda had a disability and I was like "hmm, maybe (name) needs to go to Specsavers then". (A glasses shop in Australia). He tried to bring it back to Amanda's language and I very firmly said we had spoken about it and asked if he had gotten the letter Amanda had written him. He said yes and I said "Excellent, so there should be no need for her to face unnecessary punishment and I don't have to ring the department of education and put in a neglect complaint"... He then suggested that maybe their school wasn't the right fit for Amanda's "limitations" and that she needed more "help" than they could give and suggested a (semi) local special needs school for severely disabled children. My head almost blew off from the amount of steam coming from my ears; but I calmly stood up and stated that Amanda would be attending (public school name) and said I wanted all her records sent over by the end of the week. I also said that Amanda would not be back and that today (aka yesterday) was her last day. I've emailed him (and the SPED coordinator) to re-state I wanted Amanda's records sent over and thanked the coordinator for everything she's done for Amanda. Amanda is very excited to start her new school and loves that it even has both a choir and a Glee club that she can check out and join if she would like. (She can't decide between which one!) Sorry this was such a long post and thank you again for all your help and support!" *2nd update posted 4 days later* "I took Amanda on a tour of the public high school today. She loved it! They introduced her to the Special Ed teachers, the music teachers, and even a few kids (both mainstream and Special Ed) that they thought she'd get along with! She's super excited to start and the school has said that she can start as soon as I've filled out the forms (Yes, I have, that's why I'm up at 11pm on a 'school' night!) and...as soon as the other school sends over her file. I have decided to report the school as soon as I get her files off them. It seemed like such an easy thing for you all to say to me in my posts but I don't know why it took my brain so long to go "Yes, I need to do this". I talked to Amanda about it in the car and I said that I understood she did not want this being a big "thing" (which is why I'm not suing, and because she wasn't made to rock climb or take the dangerous route home, my cousin who is a lawyer says I don't really have a leg to press charges, and it might even be hard to sue - and I don't have the money to be anything less than certain if I did)... But that we needed to make a report and let the necessary parties investigate so that they don't try and pull this stunt with the next disabled child they have in their care. What if the next child isn't as strong as Amanda and simply does as their told and hurts themselves? As soon as I hand in the forms to the public school (Hopefully tomorrow during my lunch break provided my day pans out!) they can call the private school and request Amanda's file, grades etc with a lot more power and demand faster access than I can. In the meantime, I'm dropping Amanda off at a friend of mines' (her old babysitter) who has just had surgery and could definitely use some company to veg out on the couch with and watch TV. Amanda loves her, so it's definitely a win win but the private school; (my son still goes there) ends on Friday for mid year break so if she's still stuck at home next week he'll keep her entertained and I'll give them money to go to the shops or movies or what not. But yeah - that's all I have for you right now until most likely the end of the week!"

[@StoutShako]

What was the next part? Also I'm still thinking OP needs to support her daughter more, but I'll take what I can get. Amanda should NOT be expected to be polite when facing ableism!

[@thomaslacroix6011]

@@StoutShako it depends if you want results or not. When dealing with strangers it doesn't matter, but any situation where she is confronted with authority, let's say in a work environment, going to the proper channels can bring down people way above her, while being impolite and belligerent can give them excuses to get her fired. Winning is still possible even then, but it could be more of a uphill battle.

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

@@StoutShako My apologies. I thought I pasted all 3 parts. I've updated my comment to reflect the last two parts I left off.

[@spoopy132]

dude LITERALLY denied her for the job and told her to go and then has the nerve to say they could've talked it out? or that he would have gotten her a new interview? what a load of total BS. he was gross and inappropriate and would have continued with that behavior with other women if she hadn't stepped up and said something.

[@Avrysatos]

That last story. Eddie didn't get fired from one complaint. He had to have a history. Op was just taking out the trash.

[@DarcOne13]

On the second story, I just want to point out that, while it is important to share time, this dad is WAY overcompensating. Also, you don't need money to cheer up a bullied kid. Just put on their favorite movie, make popcorn, and chill on the couch with them. Source: was bullied most of my life.

[@tully6648]

Truth. When I got bullied, my mom would just spend time with me. We never had a lot of money, so we'd go for a walk, watch a game show together, get some books from the library. Sometimes when it was really bad, if we had all the stuff for it already, my dad would make my favorite meal (chicken with Stove Top stuffing and rolls) for dinner and we'd play Sorry or something. Birthdays were always a meal of my choice and a box cake. My parents had financial commitments that meant nice things came last, but they knew how to make me feel loved despite a lack of money.

[@kreazea]

Safe code story: it sounds to me that he plans on selling OP's collection. i mean, if he's not going to put anything in it, or go and look at the collection, then why is he insisting on getting the code for it. my guess is, if OP gave him the code, the moment they're not home, he's gonna pack up his stuff, take everything out of the safe, and disappear.

[@katelynnjacques2562]

There are updates to the first story, it looks like the daughter is going to go to a much better high school that will accommodate to her disability. This is reminding me a lot of my first high school. For clarity, im on the high end of the autism spectrum. Not only did they do nothing about the bullying, but they practically gave up on me when my parents wanted to give me more accommodations. IE classes with less kids, breaks if I get overwhelmed because i had classes that had practically 30 students and one teacher aide. They did not like that and practically ignored my accommodations. As a result, my grades started to plummet in some classes. Then, they decided to kick me off the diploma track. Their defense was that a certificate of completion is all I need to attend community college. Needless to say, my parents were furious. My IEP manager did not defend me and try to fight the school's opinion on not letting me graduate. So, me and my family moved, and I did go to a much better high school. I ended up graduating with a high school diploma, now I have an associates degree(I still went to community College so I could transfer to a university) and I'm on my way to getting my Bachelors Degree in Applied Arts and Sciences with the Emphasis of Multimedia.

[@blackbird3327]

Story one definitely nta this is a case to be heard at a federal court how heartless can the school be to punish a disabled kid for upholding their own medical limits

[@MitzuMage]

it's funny how the person who's clearly the butthole once they start facing the consequences of their own actions they'll always twist it like it's the other person's fault that they got in trouble. It's no one's fault but your own, it was only time before it came back to bite you in the ass.

[@amroyflash1326]

Which story are you talking about

[@MitzuMage]

@@amroyflash1326 mainly the last one but this relates to most am I the a-hole stories

[@lofi219]

That second story really resonated with me. My parents are divorced, but I'm living with my dad. He's got a girlfriend, who has two children, and despite me living with him, has made it very obvious that he prefers his girlfriend and her kids over me. Love it here.

[@Can_think_of_a_name]

Is there nowhere else for you to go?

[@lofi219]

@@Can_think_of_a_name Unfortunately not. It’s been like this for a good few years now, though, so I’ve sort of come to terms with the whole thing at this point, and am only maybe a year off from moving out

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

First Story: OP is being a good mom for her child by protecting her needs from this stupid ass teacher and principle. They are aware of OP’s child’s health issues and was going to try to risk her health over a few words? I would've done the same as OP's daugher if I was to be forced into doing something I physically can't do Second Story: I see clear and obvious favoritism going on with OP's dad. What OP's dad said is strsight up bullshit. Its obvious OP's dad values his step kids more than his own child which is fucked up. The fact that he gave OP graduation money and then wanted it back to help cheer up one of his step kids further proves how much OP really means to him Third Story: Lmaoooo this one was amazing. OP's cousin and her husband got what they deserved. They are just mad because they can't be condesending to OP and her fiance Fourth Story: That is a major red flag and the fact OP's boyfriend really wants that code and don't intend to put anything in there is VERY sus. Apart of me thinks he will probably steal them gems as soon as he can, especially since he is aware the OP is a gemologist Fifth Story: OP didn't get him fired, he got himself fired. Eddie shouldn't be acting like that when he is interviewing someone for a job. Interviewers are suppose to be professional and Eddie was far from professional. Hey at least OP avoided the very possibe sexual harassment from this guy if she didn't report this

[@wonderqueerTT]

"just trying to help" sounds just like the "I'm only telling you the truth because your friends won't" that my mother served to me almost daily until I went NC 6 years ago

[@TheColorHopeIsBlue]

I wouldn’t punish OP1’s daughter for language at all. She felt intimidated and cornered. Sometimes you need to use your words!

[@JasperCatProductions]

Kat makes herself look bad….. And no, boyfriend has no reason to have code to the big safe. If he has no interest in your gems why does he need code? To have control, why is it when someone moves into someone else’s home they think it’s theirs too? He is ridiculous.

[@scottkendrix6231]

He wants the code so he has a collection of jewelry and gems worth six figures that he can steal from when he needs easy access to quick cash. At least, that's my suspicion.

[@dracko158]

Story 2: Really? You want your son to give the money back to you so you could cheer the kids up? Give me a break! Your relationship with OP is rocky at best already, and now you're asking for OP'S GRADUATION MONEY that YOU GAVE HIM? You're just asking OP to hate you more already. Dad is definitely the Butthole here, not OP. He's showing obvious favoritism and he's not being subtle at all.

[@moste5921]

Right. He is horrible. He knows how OP feel and still wants the money? In Germany we say "geschenkt ist geschenkt. Wiederholen ist gestohlen".( Present is present. Take it back it is theft)

[@es11614]

Story 1: 0 tar stars, 5 Gold Stars though. Schools have a propensity of going after students because they are less likely to speak up for themselves and parents are going to side with the system. Story 2: 0 Chocolate Star Fish, 5 Atta Boys. Divorce is always hardest for the children. Your case however seems to be that you found out the reason why your mom divorced him. Story 3: 0 fudge factories, 5 cool cucumbers. Your cousin is the 1upper in the family. You drive a car, she drives a hypercar. You kept it between you and your fiancee. She gaslight herself by telling everyone in the family.

[@radosawbusiak2002]

The replay for the last story should be along the lines "why did you complaint and only got dude fire when you could sue their asses for sexual harassment and hostile work environment" also, not a butthole.

[@proud19]

1st story 1000000000% NTA 1) IEP 2) ADA LAWSUIT 3) sub teacher sued/ teaching cert REVOKED 4) Principal sued/ reprimanded PERMANENTLY/ demoted!!!!! As a Occupational Therapy Assistant I was involved in the planning of IEP’s. The teachers’s/ administration are there to “advise only” the majority of the IEP is established by the therapeutic staff. One of the first things we as therapy staff are told is that we CANNOT VIOLATE ANY PART of the IEP. The teacher DOES NOT have the authority to question an IEP they just have to comply

[@WarningWildGinger]

Love it when parents say “we need to talk like adults”, when their dealing with children 🙄

[@Avrysatos]

Weaponizing my white middle aged woman status to be hero Karen is my favorite hobby. Also Amanda should not be punished. If the school insists ops lawyers should insist. This really IS literally against the law, what the school is doing.

[@FatedGamer]

On the first story I'm going to say the mom is the Ahole. She grounded her kid for talking about because a teacher was forcing her to do something she COULDN'T medically do. Your daughter stood up for herself. Give her a cookie and remind her people in authority don't know anything about the people under them. She refused to be bullied and taken advantage of and punishing her at all is stupid.

[@sheeptasticSeb]

The grounding was crossed out, she said in an edit that she didn't end up grounding after all

[@TheDemonAscended]

Story 1: the school is luck that you didn’t sue them. Violating IEPs is a very serious and stupid decision.

[@matthew9326]

Seriously for the first story this is an easy ADA case. You could take the teacher and the school to court for everything they are worth. If this was the USA, the ADA cases are very serious.

[@franl155]

bf wants the safe combination "as a sign of trust" - in which case he should offer OP something of equal value [or as near to equal value as he can]- his bank account details, his credit card number, etc; if he expects her to show that much trust, he should reciprocate.

[@bob0s062]

He's her boyfriend. He doesn't deserve anything. It's not like they are married. I think he wants to help himself to some gems.

[@franl155]

@@bob0s062 - or maybe he's just pushing to see where she'll draw the line with "trusting" him with information he doesn't need to know.

[@princess_shymiera]

First story is basically a GIANT lawsuit waiting happen. Just saying

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

The last story: if the guy got fired then this couldn't have been the first complaint about him.

[@songohan3321]

There are situations where the weaponization of a Karen is necessary.

[@Nerobyrne]

I can just imagine the mom opening an old chest. Bending over it, her daughter sees her stoic face as she mutters "I swore I'd never take this form again." But, she must. Slowly, she reaches into the box and pulls out the wig.

[@EremittV]

With story 5, not giving the code might also be good for insurance purposes. That’s a good enough reason to not share it right? Since he doesn’t need.

[@MidnightSiren]

For the last story did anyone else notice that ‘Eddie’ was fired and not given a warning, I think it’s just me but something tells me that it wasn’t the first

[@chaudx]

The substitute needs to be banned from teaching, and the school needs a REALLY huge law suit and all the bad press possible.

[@rhijones382]

I saw the chapter "my dad loves his new family more than me" and thought it was my story 😅 I had written one like it in r/offmychest and in AITA

[@lordofthegeckos533]

I have to say, OP in the first story should be REALLY PROUD of her daughter for standing up for herself like that. I know from personal experience that most of the systems in the world are more than happy to take advantage of people with disabilies. I'm on the autism spectrum and I've had to fight and claw my way through high school, college, and the work force just to be given a fair chance. I'm honestly impressed that OP's kid can stand up for herself that well at 13.

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

A Karen is someone who goes off on cringey power trips to make themself feel big and important or maybe they're just an entitled blowhard. Politely advocating for your own rights or the rights of loved ones isn't being a Karen it's just being caring.

[@PassiveSmoking]

The substitute gym teacher in this story was the real Karen.

[@shanebrown4146]

First story ,get a lawyer & sue the frig out of that school - they will be SOOO effed! NTA!

[@DarkusZarvix]

The gemologist story. NTA. I think it is healthy for every couple to not know the passwords and such for every account or device your partner has. THAT is an equal trust boundary. Both sides are trusting the other with having that privacy. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you suddenly sign away your privacy.

[@GhostRider-sc9vu]

I would suggest a complete background check with fingerprints as the SO has absolutely no need to access the Gem safe none, nada, nine, zero need.

[@vloggerbonakid6178]

"A relationship is about having to compromise!" Yeah, no, OP's POTENTIAL ex, that's NOT what a relationship is about.

[@DarkusZarvix]

@@vloggerbonakid6178 Compromise is important, but it isn't required in every aspect of a relationship. Especially not this, where he has no need to go there in the first place, so why have access to it? To sell off one gem from the collection every so often for money, that's what he probably wanted to do. "She won't miss one or two..."

[@adamlivesay1973]

Thank R/ for making these! These videos really do help me get through the day knowing that I'm not the only one who gets so angry at human stupidity.

[@PowerStruggle555]

I am a 38 year old man with CP (affects me mentally vs physically though do have some physical issues but very minor. not enough to not do most things). so first story makes me sick. trust me. if this happened to me. my parents would make the teacher and school rue the day had my appendix removed in 99. the day before it happened. I felt sick with a really bad stomach pain. Told my teacher (who was a special needs teacher) and she didnt just say no but flat out called said I was "lying" "faking" "Just trying to get out of school early" (it was maybe around 3 hours before school eneded)..took me a good while to get her to let me go home early (to this day I thin she only did to shut me up). of course next day had appendix removed but my parents (who of course believed me when I told them of what she said since I have had issues with her for a while). gave her a mouthful first chance they got for calling me a liar when I had never done such a thing. I dont know if my parents ever complained about her about the incident (and the many other instances of her basically bullying me in a span of 3 years). as she never got in trouble. but she did retire 2 years later (I had graduated a few months after appendix)

[@FaerieAmira]

Honestly as a disabled person who actually was forced to do things like run when it caused me pain crisis this story hits hard. I wasn’t strong enough to say no and just layer at home or in the hospital in pain after because I was afraid of what they’d do. My mom couldn’t help me beyond home because she was sick and on oxygen and we had no real father figure in our lives, I wish I had Amanda’s courage to have done that after I told the teacher I couldn’t and he still made me, so I’m so mad right now I’m crying, why can’t people understand that not all disabilities are visible like why do we have to hurt those weaker than us?

[@WraythSkitzofrenik]

Story one: Let's get legalities involved and see how quickly they shut up.

[@Elimanmaster1]

1st story: I strongly reccomend the mother gets a lawyer the Federal government takes ACDA violation very seriously and sounds like she may have a case. I'm an autistic adult but was so thankful my mom knew my rights and advocated for me extremely (she also had 20 years of law experience so that probably helped) threats of legal action is generally enough for a school board to step in line

[@survivedandthriving]

It's interesting that so many people in OP's life are saying OP 'went too far' by reporting Eddie, which resulted in his firing. Inherent in that argument is the idea that it is perfectly OK for Eddie to deny women employment based solely on their gender (which is out of their control), and his sense of entitlement over them. But, on the other hand, it is not OK for Eddie to suffer any consequences of behaviours that he CHOSE to undertake toward OP (and likely others given that he was fired rather than just receiving a warning). If anyone is uncertain what male privilege looks like, this type of argument is an example. And, no, I don't think the people making the argument are being purposefully ignorant or malicious. The bias is just so pervasive and so deeply ingrained in us that it is both the automatic argument for people to make, and the argument that made OP feel guilty for standing up for herself. (edited for grammar)

[@nocount7517]

0:08 Can't tell if "You are bad guy, but you are not _bad_ guy" or "Sometimes, in order to defeat a monster, you have to become one." All told, that mother should sue.

[@hydra0229]

Let me get this straight. The teacher told a kid she was lying about being disable, didn’t check with the school, broke disabled law AND stoop over a kid in a threatening way and nothing happened to him, while the kid got detention for reacting? That’s what I hate about the US and why I would NEVER raise my kids there. That’s why detention shouldn’t exist in the first place. In Brazil we don’t have it, and when something very bad happens there’s suspension and parents called. And we are very well thank you very much.

[@laurenjones9924]

The detention story- “they didn’t need to ask permission, they were just making me aware” … big heck no. I don’t give a crap who it is whether it’s the school or baby sitter. They will inform me and ASK my permission or the father’s permission before ever disciplining my child. In no way will every adult in my child’s life feel they can disciple my child. I’m finding this story 1 yr after it’s posted. For the interviewer getting fired- a company will not fire someone, especially a supervisor, over claims made by someone who didn’t get chosen for a job. 100% there were other complaints and this was just the ail on the coffin. Most likely the complaint they had been waiting on to justify termination.

[@BennyLlama]

Rslash, that first story should have been a 5/5 butthole rating. A school employee broke the law by violating an IEP. When the child stood up for themselves, they were intimidated into complying with an activity that would have lead to injury. The teacher should have checked with admin if the kid had a plan and what it covered, especially after finding our they had cerebral palsy. Then after the kid said some bad words, they wanted to punish her? The sub should have been canned on the spot. This was nearly child abuse, like 1 step before active abuse. 5/5 is reasonable

[@MrsDaedalus_]

Story 1: I went to school with a lot of disable kids and I have a colleague at my university who has CP and tbh...if I would be the mum, I would do a lot worse than threatening to pull out my kid from school. I would personally make sure that the substitute teacher loses his job for threatening my child.

[@der23]

We need to stop calling EVERYONE that slightly complains a Karen. Cause for this shouldn't even be a question. I would have left work immediately to give em hell for doing shit like that to my kid.

[@StilltheAp0llyon]

Story 1: Time to call the lawyers Ignoring an IEP is a very good way of losing a very big lawsuit.

[@Anarchristian_Beanz]

Story 1) My kid wouldn't have even been in trouble for saying "fuck off". I'd have had a conversation with them about how saying that to the wrong person can cause trouble so to be very careful and how it would have been far more effective for her to say "no thank you". But she is under no obligation to be polite to an adult in an authority position who created and escalated the problem then tried to intimidate her. I'd have been more proud that she stood up for herself and would have taken up the fight on her behalf, including getting the principle to email me so I can send it to my lawyer, just as the commenter suggested. Story 4) You would only gain access to my safe if you are my wife because I won't marry someone I can't trust with that info and only after we discuss what is to happen in emergency situations. Story 5) I'm not saying she is wrong AT ALL, but I found it weird she trudged through all the inappropriate questions then decided to take a stand at the first appropriate question to call him out on all of the previous inappropriate questions. Like, your fight is a noble one, but your fighting style is very odd. My answer to all of those would have been "That has no bearing on my workplace performance and so I decline to answer" if he takes issue with that or keeps asking beyond one or two questions then I report him and get him fired.

[@juliopeinado2660]

The school needs to be punished. The principal is the real Karen.