r/AmITheA**Hole For Refusing To Bake Without Nuts?

[@mbyerly9680]

Parents with kids or a guest with serious food allergies need to buy their cakes from a bakery that has a specialized area for allergy baking because of cross-contamination. A home baker simply isn't set up for that kind of baking.

[@absolutelyridiculous6743]

Exactly. There is too much of a probability of cross contamination, and many allergies are deadly so it isn't a good idea to spin the wheel of Anaphylaxis or Safe!.

[@Munchkins2000]

As a non-drinker, the amount of pressure to drink or the condescending attitudes I receive when I say "no thank you" is huge. My choice to not drink is my choice. The fact we have to make up an excuse to not drink is exhausting. If I were to say no to a cigarette, I wouldn't be pressured to take a puff, but alcohol is absolutely pressed on you when you say no.

[@dulcilass]

I totally agree about the pressure. I learned that I had to say no to drinking, but the no never seemed to be easily accepted. "Why not?", was usually the next question. In the past, I've use several answers when offered a libation. 1) Beer, "No thanks, I can't get it passed my nose. Beer stinks." 2) Wine, "No thanks. Wine is an awful thing to do to grape juice". 3) Cocktails, etc. "Sorry, they upset my tummy. Now, I simply use the truthful answer: "I don't drink" Again with the "Why not?" as if it is their business. Reply. "I am allergic to alcohol." And if they ask how I can be allergic, I give them a long graph detailed story about my horrible symptoms that occur upon alcohol getting into my blood stream, and my skin problems even with topical alcohol. My friends have learned not to offer me anything harder than water.

[@blissfull3147]

I just reply I don't drink alcohol but I'd love a coffee thanks two sugars! They never seem to ask again 🤷‍♀️

[@BeingLolaStar]

The last time I had a drink was at my cousin's wedding. My mom INSISTED. It was over a year and a half ago. I can't even remember the time before it. I don't like drinking. I don't like the taste. It's expensive. I like being able to drive home at the end of a night. I don't like how I feel when I drink. Etc etc etc etc. We have a very pro alcohol society. Explaining it over and over is EXHAUSTING. I have given away so many bottles of wine that were gifted to me. My sister even got me alcohol for Christmas. I just say thanks and rehome it. At the wedding however my mother INSISTED that I NEEDED to have a drink to have fun. Wrong, I drank half of it where she could see then left it on the table. Still had lots of fun and literally no one noticed that my drinks from the bar was just pop, juice or water Also, alcohol allergies are definitely an issue. I had a friend in high school pass away that way. Lots of people blamed her and that she over drank when she was a teenager who had a drink or two with friends and didn't make it home.

[@dulcilass]

@@blissfull3147 I'm a bit more difficult. I'd have to ask for a cup of tea as coffee fits in under my reply about beer. I just can't get it past my nose. I can't even stand going into a Starbucks. LOL I just hate the "Why don't you drink?" question always popping up. I've often wondered if the reply of "I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs" would stop the whys.

[@Munchkins2000]

@@dulcilass not from my experience. I don't do booze, drugs, smoke, coffee, tea... It mostly started from my religious background, but once I hit adulthood, it became more for medical (prescriptions) and support for my S.O. (health & prescriptions), and now it's just... "why start now? I don't want to. Just accept the no thanks".

[@grimlingLennie]

Story 4: the guy knew op was paying, he agreed to go on the trip knowing she's the one paying for the hotel and the flight back, and yet he treated her badly. THIS is a case of instant karma at its finest.

[@sacilexi231]

Story one: If OP bakes with nuts all the time, He cannot make an allergen free cake. Nut dust is a thing.

[@dulcilass]

That's quite a true observation especially when you don't know how sensitive a particular individual is. Look at all the products that are labeled with warnings about the allergens that are present because they are used at the factory, though they might not be an ingredient in the product being used.

[@sarahraisingmyvoice]

YES

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Yup. My daughter stops breathing if she is in the same room with nuts because of nut dust

[@alsinakiria]

Didn't think of that. Good point. I had a classmate in elementary school that would have a reaction to smell (happened in a grocery store when a jar broke).

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

@Ben Ong Some things are ageless!

[@joycec8]

Cake acquaintance just wants a free cake. To the commenters in the video saying it's easy to make a nut free cake and to take it as a challenge: OP doesn't owe cake acquaintance or her daughter jack. He only originally said yes because CA complimented him on his nut cake. When it became clear the compliment was bunk since she wants a nut free cake, OP is free to say no, and it's not dissing people allergic to nuts.

[@WobblesandBean]

^ This. My god, people are SO entitled nowadays, they harangue a stranger on the internet for not wanting to bend over backwards to fulfill a ridiculous request! But, that's AITA subreddit for you, it's absolutely crawling with the Mommy Cult. "How dare you refuse to provide free labor for the sake of a child you don't know and have never met before? You monster!"

[@pollypockets508]

Right. It was free. Damn.

[@BruinPhD2009]

I’m a man and a baker (love it). It’s clear the mom only wanted a free cake. She should cough up the money at a professional baker, and then she can get absolutely everything she wants. Reddit Rangers are increasingly assholes in their responses to very simple scenarios. More and more, I listen to these stories to see how ridiculous the response can be.

[@MrJpaynebb]

NTA and this woman sounds more like a begging chooser. It's a favor she asked for and he declined. OP isn't running a bakery but doing this for fun out of their own kitchen. All those YTA people are ridiculous. No one is entitled to OP's free cakes he does as favors.

[@carolroberts4614]

I thought that too! I started making cakes during lockdown, but I was only proficient in tso kinds, and I just made them for family! No way would I have made a cake for someone with allergies ,and certainly not this entitled Not friend!

[@eph2vv89only1way]

If the person ordering the cake was paying then op would be ta. Allergies are serious. My daughter would stop breathing just being in the same room with the cake with nuts. But op was well within their rights to say no to baking a free cake

[@queerdor]

So your daughter has never been to a grocery store or in public then?

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@queerdor of course she has. The nuts in grocery stores are sealed so the dust doesn’t escape the packaging. And she has nearly died just going out in public and later found out there were nuts or baked goods containing nuts in the place where she had the reaction

[@C8mon]

She wasn’t ordering a cake. She asked OP specifically to make the nut cake because it’s their specialty. She wasn’t paying. She doesn’t get to be mad when OP doesn’t want to do a different cake. If you want a cake order it from a bakery don’t ask your friend of a friend to do it for free and start making a bunch of demands.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@C8mon exactly

[@BurroughsProductions]

Yea but they def sound petty af for agreeing to make a cake but refusing to do just cause they asked for it to be for nut free

[@kingimura2430]

As someone who is two years sober, I don't care if a non-addict uses "improper verbiage."

[@lisemartino1995]

I totally agree. I’m many years sober, I was/am an addict. I respect ANYONE who chooses not to drink. My daughter drinks, but my son does not, he is CONSTANTLY getting pressured and called “weird” (BTW he chooses not to drink not because of my struggle). Whatever language gets him off being nagged is ok with me. I know that you don’t have to drink to have fun, or be young.

[@kmbaldwin5325]

A person can be “sober” without ever having been an actual addict or gone to treatment, etc. Ugh. Can we just obliterate the word “appropriate” from the dictionary, because so many people are just using it as an excuse to be assholes to people who are doing things they don’t personally agree with.

[@Vipre-]

"My daughter just loved your Walnut Almond cake could you make her one without the almonds and walnuts though? Oh and can I get an apple free Apple Cake?"

[@chits28]

😂😂😂

[@tonyblake7569]

My kid would love a cake free $150,000 cash cake fyi.

[@carolroberts4614]

Why should he? She's not a friend, he doesn't bake to order and she just wants a free cake!

[@carolroberts4614]

No I don't get it! She's got a nerve expecting a special cake, or any cake at all.She. is. not. a. friend. He can't guarantee his prep area is nut free. Not worth risking someone's life for a free cake, is it?

[@AllenTax]

Maybe just make s cake like a walnut. With appreciate colors,frosting.

[@axepagode33626]

Sober story: I used to tell coworkers that I don't drink. It was always followed by a lot of questions. The questions never bothered me. But I could tell that some people were unhappy that I wasn't drinking. I found that strange. Having said that, it is wrong to lead people to believe that you are an addict in recovery.

[@darkshadow5581]

Except OP was careful not to. It sounds like OP only tells the harassed the sober story, and is honest with everyone else. If trying to pressure someone into drinking when they said no is at worst met with a lie, I can't in good faith call the liar an AH.

[@thecoolgrandma7208]

Well, does OP drink? If they don't drink at all, then they aren't lying. I like the saying "I'm a Teetotaler." I currently say, I no longer drink.

[@MsGbergh]

They are unhappy, because they don't like to think someone else is stronger or more sensible thatn they are, or they think you are judging them. One coworker who told me. 'I don't drink alcohol, because it's against my religion', looked taken aback when I replied, 'I don't drink it, because I've never wanted to.'

[@sarahkirchner6356]

My ex often didn't flush after he peed. It didn't save us shit. I had to flush each time before and after going to the toilet to get rid of his pee before putting in mine and the worst was the cleaning. I had to spend more on cleaning supplies and needed significantly more time until it was really clean again.

[@terryburnett751]

Ah yes. The if it's yellow keep it mellow, if it's brown flush it down.

[@babybookworm003]

We went a few days doing that with dads bathroom but the toilet was making an awful noise we called a plumber in to fix it

[@bcase5328]

It sounds like the two of them were heading towards break up and the talk of moving in together was premature or a desperate effort to postpone the break up.

[@carolsimpson4422]

I grew up in the woods with an ancient septic system, and my parents instructed us the way the NY mayor advised during the 80s when they had a water shortage: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down" lol When I lived with my first boyfriend, he had to remind me to flush for quite a while before I got the hang of it. It was just a very ingrained habit. He didn't get angry or "grossed out". He would just remind me we were on a city system now and plumbing wasn't an issue.

[@AllenTax]

@@babybookworm003 Let me tell you. As a plumber. It isn't healthy to not flush it. It can in fact make your health worse. Pee,poo & stomach acid for some will eventually damage the toilet. All three do. As This post crrator stated to. It can end up costing money to keep it clean. After time you might end up haveing to replace it. Because mold and other things will start to grow in your toilet. You can then get your pets very sick and that can then transfer to you. You can also get the young and old sinus infections and bloody eyes. Poo and strong enough acid in poo can do this.

[@shellymay2505]

I grew up in a house where you didn't flush unless it was poo or you were on your period because of the drought. It smelt soooo bad. It was embarrassing. And unhygienic

[@debc6260]

The last OP did everything right 100%. He was a scary guy. Maybe he just wanted to relocate to Seattle and this was the easiest way to get there.

[@robynedmonds7300]

He was scary. The drinking would have made me scared to be near him again. Also why did he have to curse her out when she asked where he was. He could have blown off some steam then talk to her when he calmed down. He sounded like he was a know it all with criticizing every little thing.

[@GeorgiaDLee]

If you've been sober for 2 yrs you've been sober for 2 yrs. You didn't say you were in recovery or were an alcoholic.

[@agingophelia9812]

The kid never asked for that cake. The mom just wanted OP to be her free caterer. NTA.

[@kylecabrera142]

Story 3 NTA. Saying your sober is not like saying you have an allergy. It literally affects noone other than you. If using the term offends you that's a you problem. You don't own language and someone whos not an alcoholic using it does not "lessen" your own struggle. If you feel this way it just means you have a lot further you need to go towards rehabilitation than you probably care to admit.

[@debrasedgwick4697]

I need to comment about OP who used the term "Sober" to keep people from badgering him to drink. I understand how he feels. Why can't people just accept that a person just doesn't want to drink? Why do people have to come up with an excuse why they do not want to drink? My take on it is, okay you want to drink and I respect YOUR choices, now respect MY choices to not drink. I am tired of having to make up an excuse, I am the DD tonight, I am on some new meds, etc., to get people to just let me have my soda, and not worry that some jerk will slip some booze in, to liven up my drink. I think that maybe instead of shaming the non drinker, the drinkers should think about why it is so important to them, to get a non drinker to drink alcohol.

[@raleigh2747]

It is odd ti me, as a non drinker, why it is so important to my brother, to try to get me to drink

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

If they get you to drink with them then they don't have an alcohol problem (in their minds). It is generally understood that drinking alone can mean you're an alcoholic (unless it's a glass of wine or a beer after work or something). That's why it's so important to them. They might very well be high functioning alcoholics & they would likely feel less like the alcoholics they probably are if everyone is engaged in the same activity with them. If you listen to Syndrome (The Incredibles), it might go something akin to "If everyone is an alcoholic, nobody is".

[@debrasedgwick4697]

@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 okay, that makes sense, thank you.

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

@@debrasedgwick4697 Sure. It's info gleaned from having my late husband's sister & father be raging alcoholics. I didn't understand it at first either until I had a convo with my former SIL after she had gotten out of rehab. She was sober for 8 years but relapsed badly when she couldn't take the grief of her brother's accident. I just couldn't watch anymore after that. Good luck!

[@raleigh2747]

@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 yes this was very insightful. I was thinking it was a way to rationalize their behavior.

[@joycetaepke2533]

They make toilets that have two settings: heavy flush for poo and light flush for pee. I grew up not flushing for pee but got in the habit of flushing every time after I got married. Makes cleaning easier too.

[@rollothecat2010]

Story 1: NTA. OP is not a bakery. People cannot just order cakes from people who are home bakers unless the person ordering a specific cake is paying you and you are a home business. Especially since she wants something different than what you baked before for a friend. She was not a friend of OP but she wants OP to supply a cake for a birthday party like OP did for a good friend. Why is OP obligated to bake a cake for someone they are not friends with? This seems like a choosing beggar situation. Good grief, things are so complicated today.

[@Nukie144]

Plus, even if he was running a business, he could choose to refuse her order all the same. Especially when it's for a product he didn't feel he could supply (a nut-free nut cake, with no nut allergen contamination). The fact the mom demanded his labor and materials for free just makes it easier to decline.

[@rollothecat2010]

@@Nukie144 Absolutely agree.

[@Nukie144]

Can you even imagine trying to place that order in a professional bakery? The poor person behind the counter trying to parse what nut-free nut cake means [confused_woman_math.jpg] 😂

[@sherylmassie9502]

I feel like everybody in the first story is sort of ignoring the fact that this lady expected Opie to do all this work gratis. No she doesn’t have to.

[@ComaLies225]

Yea that’s what’s bugging me about the whole thing. If this was commissioned and OP was getting paid, he’d be TA for refusing but this woman wanted a FREE Cake, is not paying him and ignored the fact he said he wasn’t comfortable enough in his skills to bake a nut free cake. He’s NTA

[@mbyerly9680]

Some people haven't heard enough choosing beggars stories to understand situations like this. This woman is saying "I DEMAND you make a specific cake for free even though you don't know me and barely know by kid." Yeah, no way in heck would I make this b*tch a free cake. And cakes aren't cheap to make.

[@Pysslis]

Is gratis an English word? It is in my native language, Swedish meaning free.

[@garywhitfield317]

@@Pysslis Yes, gratis is used in England. Although for some daft reason a lot of the time we double down on it and say "Free and gratis". We're just weird that way, I guess.

[@ComaLies225]

@@Pysslis in Spanish, Gratis also means free lol

[@annamcnarin]

On the 2nd story, my friends parents do this. It is sooo gross. But, there is one major difference: they keep it to one bathroom. They know not everyone is like that, so they keep the guest bath pee free.

[@darkshadow5581]

Story 3 NTA. OP said what she did to stop being harassed. The fact the co-worker knows and is still acting like OP is trying to score pity points is absurd and AH worthy

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

Because she is...clearly. And clearly you've never had to fight addiction either. Typical responses from assholes whoever never been in a situation like that. OP never HAS struggled and she's weak if she just can't say no. If other's won't listen, then there's a myriad of ways to explain why you don't drink and she clearly isn't smart enough to figure it out like all the commenters who gave her those options. If I ever came across someone like that, i'd rip right into them too!

[@darkshadow5581]

@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax I like as someone who has supposedly fought so hard, you don't know enough to realize that you don't know what goes on in other people's lives. I have fought likely harder than many at my current job, but am happy to because it's who I am today. I would never lord my problems over people. For all we know OP could he an orphaned amputee, with a married of mental issues. They simply wish to not be harassed, and if you can't handle "no", expect to be lied to. And no, at no point in the story did she ever use her sobriety for pity, only to stop the harassment. Show me a quote from the story of OP telling anyone, other than those who refused to take no for an answer, that they were sober.

[@durtydubliner5758]

@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax Coworker is slightly TA, the world doesn't revolve around her but I understand why she might get offended. Sober is sober, you don't get to claim a word just because you hit rock bottom and are bouncing back. You don't need a clinical diagnosis or have to go to rehab to use a word that literally describes how you live your life and you don't need to alter the way you talk to cater to a person who lacks basic english comprehension skills. Real issue here is why people aren't able to just take a response at face value but need to know exactly why the person doesn't drink.

[@J_e_s_s]

Story 3 - YTA. The words you're looking for are "I don't drink and am honestly not a fan of those venues." I don't drink and people generally understand when I phrase it that way. I understand why she got upset. I get upset when someone jokes about having PTSD because to me, it is very serious. She takes her recovery seriously, which is fantastic. I think if OP sincerely apologizes then they could possibly form a friendship.

[@catking1059]

Story 3: NTA. I grew up surrounded by addicts and alcoholics. I socialize in a community where drinking and heavy drug use is normal. I’ve never struggled with drug abuse but I have struggled with other addiction, and when declining to imbibe, I let people know I’m sober.

[@bg6b7bft]

"If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" works fine if you've got your own private toilet. Otherwise, no. There are plungers that have two flush settings. You push the handle down for a full flush, and lift the handle up for a lighter flush. You spend a lot less water to use the light flush for urine.

[@zuzax1656]

I've lived in Europe, so I know the toilets that you are talking about, and they are handy for saving water. However, those are not that common in the US, mostly seen in middle to high end hotels. Low-flow toilets are available, but are more expensive. But, even low-flow toilets are all or nothing.

[@tamsel814]

Wait, you guys don't have rhe options between small or big flush depending on what is needed? Why not? I don't think it's a new invention. The only places here where they did not have such an mechanism wer toilet from like the 70s.

[@nyxx5357]

@@tamsel814 It's more expensive to make. America loves getting the cheapest possible facilities.

[@garywhitfield317]

I live alone, and still mostly flush every time. Generally there is more chance I don't flush at night, but I can save electric by not flushing. My sewerage is taken away by macerator, so every flush activates it and uses electricity. Wouldn't recommend it, and won't live in a place with one ever again. Most people can still use their toilet in a power cut. People with macerator systems can't. No electric, it doesn't pump the water away - flush in a power cut and you risk flooding yourself.

[@zuzax1656]

@@tamsel814 They are available here, just not popular. There may be several reasons that they're not used. First, the flapper/tank is really simple (one push on the lever, and it disappears) and is easily replaced by almost anyone. Second, we have a lot more septic tank systems than Europe, especially in rural areas where there is no sewer line at all, which require more water to operate efficiently. Third, most European countries have their sewer lines deeper than in many places in the US. Thus steeper outflow pipes, requiring less water to move solid waste. Fourth, our yards tend to be a bit bigger, so longer distances between toilet to sewer line. Granted, that doesn't really apply as much to liquid waste, but then, there is the old standby, "We invented it, so, if it was good enough for Grandpa, it's good enough for me!" attitude. California is seeing a growth in these units, for water conservation, so it may only be a matter of time before they become mainstream.

[@moonlady3000]

First Story: First she wanted the nut cake (but not really?) and wanted you to make it because it was a specific thing that you make. That is a reasonable favor to ask of you specifically because it's a cake that she’s only ever heard of from you. But then, after she realized you couldn't make a nut free nut cake she was like "okay, just make me a chocolate cake". At that point it's not a favor, it's just that she wants a free homemade cake. And that, specifically, is the entitlement that makes you NTA in this situation.

[@NightEyeStudio1995]

As someone who has forgotten to flush after peeing a few times over night, the smell builds up, pee fumes and crystallizes and it's a pain to clean!!!

[@brandi5126]

Story 1: NTA. If the lady wanted a nut free cake she should have left it alone when op said no. The lady can go to a bakery and pay for a cake special cake. Story 3: NTA/Nah because you don’t have to be an addict to live a sober lifestyle. But I can understand why an ex addict would be upset but the word can be and is used outside of alcoholism.

[@saratronus]

I agree with you about the lady but op does kind of sound like the asshole for his reaction towards peanut allergies

[@brandi5126]

@@saratronus It wasn’t tactful. But again, he isn’t a bakery so I don’t think he necessarily has to be.

[@saratronus]

@@brandi5126 I'm in the same position as the OPI beg for fun I don't bake for a business or anything and I still wouldn't be so non caring about Allergies I've seen what happens when a little bit of peanut finds its way into someone that's Is allergic and it's horrible. But the OP is still on the right though I still think it's known as the asshole here because the lady was being considerate about people who have allergies in her kid party

[@15oClock]

1. Might as well break out the pocketbook with these requests. She wants *her* cake, but not to bake it or pay for it. 2. Title alone and I know my judgement. You always flush the toilet after ever use, no matter how many pennies you save! 3. You reckon it's the recovery language that dissuades some people? It's misleading, but not intentionally deceptive. 4. Jake just sounds exhausting; I can't blame OP for this. I will say there's gonna be hell to pay when they get back home.

[@melissajarvis4829]

Solution to story number 2: buy a toilet that has 2 different flushes. One for pee and one for poop. It uses differing amounts of water for them, so less is wasted.

[@redresearchanalyst]

Did not know that was a thing, hhmmm.

[@melissajarvis4829]

@@redresearchanalyst I haven't personally seen one, but read about them a few years back. It makes sense.

[@wmdkitty]

@@redresearchanalyst Yep. My parents have one. Now if they could just train the cat to use the lav...

[@ladyv5655]

The pee lady brought back memories from my student work experience in Germany. I worked at a Gasthaus owned by a middle aged couple. Some of Frau K's relatives from another part of Germany came to visit for a few days. One of them was her nephew who brought one of his friends with him, a Norwegian guy the same age. I had the misfortune of going into the bathroom just after Norwegian dude left it. He had not flushed and left a huge turd there💩🤢. I went ahead and flushed and moved on with life. He later tried hitting on me but among other things, his non flushing was a real turn off.

[@aikikaname6508]

Story 2: FFS forget the pee(which is gross), on what planet is making the TINIEST change to your hygiene routine for your partners comfort such a big deal? Why would not make the small accommodation of flushing be worth throwing way a good relationship with a partner you like enough to consider moving in with

[@mongmanmarkyt2897]

Not to mention the pee smell is horrid

[@thecoolgrandma7208]

Is OP a girl? If so, doesn't she wipe? How many wads of TP are in bowl before she flushes? This is just nasty.

[@queerdor]

It doesn't sound like a tiny change for the op. Also doesnt sound like the relationship is worth saving

[@TheAzynder]

@@thecoolgrandma7208 maybe she uses a shower... although, that would flush most of it...

[@thecoolgrandma7208]

@@TheAzynder if so she could just pee in the shower and not leave anything unflushed in bowl...lol.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

Break up with him, he deserves to find a girl who isn't so disgusting.

[@LEXXIUS]

Right? And how is she wasting electricity, when all it takes to flush is some water and plumbing with fancy mechanical valves? I can already imagine, how her toilet smells of old urine with crusty rings in the bowl.

[@dawnstone4424]

I'm on the side of OP who didn't want to make the cake. He had planned on making the cake as the mom said the child loves the way it tasted with nuts if he doesn't make the cake the way the child likes it then the child isn't getting the cake they wanted! Mom asked was told it wouldn't be the same and mom says then do chocolate. Mom wanted a free cake. Period. OP NTA.

[@snoopygirl2058]

Years ago in a California drought they was a saying “if its yellow let it mellow. If its brown flush it down. “. Still gross

[@rmhartman]

California was going through a drought (water shortage) at the time. Context matters.

[@mongmanmarkyt2897]

@@rmhartman ^ this

[@wmdkitty]

Yeah, but it was a _drought_ and there just wasn't enough water to go around.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 3: Sobriety is a lifestyle choice regardless of whether it's due to addiction or just personal preference. Telling someone that you are "sober" signifies that you choose an alcohol free lifestyle for yourself and you intend to keep it that way. For some people it's a reflection of their desire not to emulate the environment they grew up in. The point is that the backstory is really none of their business unless you choose to make it their business.

[@shammydammy2610]

If she wants a cake...she can always bake one herself. Or go to a bakery and order one.

[@carolinem.5044]

This is a take I shall support.

[@Orinatl]

Story 1: If op bakes with nuts all the time. Then unless the scrub everything clean before backing. But dust can be enough to send a child into anephelatic shock. Story 2: this is a common thing actually. And ppl do do this to save water. I don't but I know ppl do. NTA if your not wanting to change. It does save water and I know why ppl do this. Story 3: Using 'Sober for two years' means a very specif thing. You can say anything else. Story 4: NTA he seems like he could have gotten violent... You don't get to treat someone like crap if they're paying for you. Not if your intelligent anyway.

[@AnnieMay224]

Story 2: if she's willing to end a relationship over toilet flushing, she probably should 🥴

[@heatherweir8726]

In the first story he could say hes worried about cross contamination because if all the nut products in his house

[@candiebarr6745]

Last I checked, sober doesn't mean you're a recovering alcoholic, even if that's how it comes off to some people...

[@LEXXIUS]

Story 3: I like OPs honesty here, not keeping this "lie" around, when someone actually has had an alcoholism issue.

[@addicted2mako]

Let’s see: I’ll take a double-bacon cheeseburger with no cow-products, a Jack and coke without the Jack, and an buttermilk pie without any buttermilk.

[@dulcilass]

LOL :-)

[@desireeloveros1055]

Don’t forget garlic bread without the garlic

[@aliencat11]

I'm diabetic and very sensitive to alcohol to state with. I don't drink. But with diabetes, the alcohol wil hit me extra hard, and on top of this, raise my blood sugar quickly. So there are many reasons not to drink. Use what ever works for you. You can just state health reasons.

[@WobblesandBean]

17:00 Exactly this. I'm recovering too, still on a taper but I'm getting there. Let OP use any term he wants, I know firsthand how annoying and pushy people are about alcohol. The only people saying YTA aren't even recovering addicts, they're getting mad at this guy on behalf of them, even though they're talking OVER them to do so. 🤦‍♀️ I'm always amazed that the ones who get the most angry and gatekeep-y over something aren't even affected by the thing they're so up in arms about.

[@lorifiedler13]

What about saying, I prefer to remain sober

[@desireeloveros1055]

Yeah my best friend is an alcoholic/semi-former drug user. She doesn’t make the best choices but even offering me a blunt or drink she understands the word “no” and respects my boundaries.

[@pyrethorn]

My sister in law does this at her house. However, she does it because they have a septic tank and aren't connected to the city sewers. So you only flush when you poop. Their bathrooms never smell like pee. They keep things very clean.

[@mygodisthemoon]

First story NTA. She (or he they didn't make it entirely clear) was nice enough to make cake #1 and to offer to make cake #2. With an already solid recipe, cakes take time to make. Altered recipe cakes take more time in order to tweak it. And like they pointed out, the kid liked the nut cake why not make the cake the kid wants?

[@indyfmw]

kids with nut allergies were coming. I don't think its a big request but I think there would be nut dust everywhere if op uses it so much plus OP should start charging people for their time that way they can avoid this

[@mygodisthemoon]

@@indyfmw there's still ways around it. Like op can make the nut based cake for the kid to enjoy at a different time as a gift and mom of kid can get the chocolate cake for the party to make sure everyone still has cake. Even then getting snippety at the person you want to make a cake for you isn't cool especially when the person has zero obligation to make any cake for them at all

[@be.A.b]

Story 1: OP should have just asked the mom to purchase an extra alternative cake.

[@Alexis-xz3xs]

op’s a man

[@be.A.b]

@@Alexis-xz3xs oops, time 2 edit

[@be.A.b]

@@aduckofsomesort True, but that’s a solution if OP wanted to be a bit diplomatic about it. Also, a good way to gauge if the mom is just thing to take OP for a ride, depending on the answer.

[@robertx8020]

4th story NTA and yes maybe it was unwise to go on a trip with someone you knew for a month But is still amazes me how many people sympathise with this AH? Unless you are on the other side of the world and you don't have a creditcard, there is always a way to get home! ZERO SYMPATHY for this guy!

[@ravencrow1011]

story 2 has she had any idea how stink it is if u left pee in the toilet just half a day?

[@ravencrow1011]

@Ana Ta it makes sense, but how you deal with the stench?

[@420Witchling]

@@aduckofsomesort seriously lol that’s all I can think with all these comments 😂 how badly does your piss smell… I don’t have that problem unless I’m SUPER dehydrated.

[@ellicerslavic]

@Ana Ta I love the phrase 'big business' gonna start using that all the time xD

[@redders6858]

Flushing problems: maybe build a compost loo in your garden, you’re still saving water and electricity, there aren’t any in unflushed problems in the bathroom and your boyfriend will like the fresh smell. Who knows, maybe it will be a shared compost loo in the end. This one did make me laugh 😂

[@meplays5269]

Im not drinking, too. Though me reasoning is, that i can smell rotting stuff really early and i can smell the alcohol in the process, so that the smell is for me always linked to something rotten. I would tell them: the moment you eat green rotten meat before my eyes will be the moment i consider drinking rotten fruit/wheat. Because for me, either smells absolutely awful.

[@dulcilass]

Beer especially. It absolutely reeks.

[@Nerdbookworm]

When I get pressured into drinking I like to say “no thank you, I'm more into drugs “

[@tealight2074]

Story 1: OMG! Since when do people have to do something just because others think they are able. This person was trying to commision a cake from a non professional baker at that person's expense. If it is in anyway an inconvenience then the obvious answer is no. Full Stop. Even if the person was a professional baker, the answer can still be, no, full stop. Just because a person can do something does not mean they have to do so at other's requests. Full Stop.

[@lancelotwhitford6516]

First story: NTA for not baking the cake, but yta for your stance on nut allergies. The person saying the thing with the chicken casserole is bonkers. That’s not how allergies/substitutions work.

[@tenten32158]

So, I don't drink. I don't mind being around people drinking, they just need to keep the alcohol on the other side of the table. Because I have a strong sense of smell, and the smell of alcohol makes me nauseous, even if it's just a tiny bit in a cocktail. And people really don't want to take no for an answer. Many of my best friends have said "It's an acquired taste. You have to find some you like." many, many times. Eventually, when we've been friends long enough, they don't push anymore, but it still comes up as a joke when we go out. And I don't mind the jokes, because there truly is no pressure. But strangers, acquaintances, and family will always push. I have no idea how many times I've said "Alcohol makes me sick" at this point, because it's short and sweet. People will still push, but I've gotten used to ignoring them. Although, I've still had to pull the "[family member] was an alcoholic, and it can be heriditary" card a couple times. So, I'm going with NTA on the drinking story, because "sober" is basically the only widely socially accepted reason to not drink.

[@babybookworm003]

Story 1 I don’t understand the yta verdicts the almonds and walnuts are already there to replace non vegan ingredients so removing the nuts might make the cake awful

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

They aren't there to replace non-vegan ingredients. They're there to add flavor. That's it. He could add a different flavor, vanilla, orange, lemon, maple. There are other flavorings. But he's under no obligation to make a custom cake if he doesn't want to.

[@dolce9959]

The pee one is weird because I remember in school we were taught "if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." And it was a big thing irt water conservation or whatever. But like no one I know follows that and imo it is a little gross to think about the splash back if you were to....yeah.

[@lindak8664]

Story 2. The problem is people should accept it when a person says no. No I don’t want to drink. No I don’t want to go to …. No I don’t want any of that food. People instantly try to talk you in to it. Its becomes a challenge to them to make you give in and do that thing.

[@candiebarr6745]

In the one, of the bf doesn't want to be subjected to OPs bodily fluids, they must not kiss or have sex or any of that, huh? I thought the "if it's yellow, let it mellow" thing was common. If I'm paying for water anyway. If it's inclusive, I normally flush, unless it's through the Night. But then, I live alone

[@franl155]

I don't drink alcohol - I just don't like the smell or taste of most of it; it's cheaper not to drink, I can have just as good a time without it, I don't get hangovers, and it saves the problem of someone thinking that me saying "no" when sober will change to me saying "yes" if they get me drunk enough. I went to a friend's party ages ago and some bloke I didn't know offered to get me a drink; I said "I don't drink" and he said "What did you come to the party for if you don't drink?" as if the only point of going to a friend's party was to throw free booze down your neck as fast as possible until you fall over. I now say that I can't drink because I'm on medication, but the point is - why should I have to explain? Do people demand to know why I don't take drugs?

[@ComaLies225]

I only drink on occasion but yeah, you don’t have to explain yourself to no one. FYI that guy must not know how to have fun because you can enjoy yourself without alcohol

[@elizabethgeorge7671]

Story 2: it might save water, but it’s also a great way to breed bacteria

[@nimisilverbird1239]

OP should have a side business. Call it Nutty for Cakes

[@courtneywoodbury5198]

Holy shit, has no one heard of 'if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down?" If the toilet is loaded with piss and toilet paper, yeah, gross. But flushing after every little tinkle IS a waste! If a little piddle in the toilet is a deal breaker, I hope this guy never has kids.

[@katt5896]

You are fucking disgusting tbh not every saying should be followed

[@courtneywoodbury5198]

"Well, the water is barely tinted, and I used like 6 squares of TP, but some random jerk on the internet thinks that's gross so I guess I better start using 5+ gallons of water every single time." I don't follow that rule because of the saying, I follow it because I was raised to save water. And I only follow it in my own home, never as a guest or in public.

[@laurenmentink7401]

Markee, when a man in a bar I was in insisted that I had to drink when in a bar got this response from me "I have a violent reaction to alcohol." He left me alone after that.

[@alexius23]

In the pee story…I have heard in water scarce areas in the loo there are signs saying “For number one don’t flush down”.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- op is not a pastry chef for hire they’re literally making cakes for fun they literally don’t have to do shit for anyone.

[@kmbaldwin5325]

The toilet flushing one: this is a huge pet peeve of mine. One of my husbands family member follows the “if it’s yellow, let it mellow” philosophy which is fine in the privacy of their own home, but this is their toilet philosophy everywhere. Does not matter where we are, my house, other family members houses, hotel suite we are all sharing, this person does not flush after they pee…ever. Drives. Me. Nuts.

[@katwelch3042]

Story 2 to flush or not - California is nearly always in some degree of a drought. Some years ago before low-flow was common my parents water district sent out notices to every homeowner requesting they install low-flow toilets and telling them how many flushes per day were permitted with a normal toilet. Flushing when it was only pee was forbidden, and if anyone had food poisoning we were probably going to be fined for overuse.

[@MsDMS1988]

I was laughing at the flushing story. I lived in severe drought areas with water restrictions and we had a saying, "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." I flushed anyway.

[@fangchick93]

I can't drink alcohol due to my medication, and I don't like the flavour. But thankfully my friends get it.

[@stef9155]

Story 3: 'Sorry I can't. Early morning colonoscopy. Doc says if I drink things will get messy'

[@dulcilass]

LOL :-)

[@mummadabest1942]

Story 2: I live off the grid and our toilet uses dam water that we are low on so we dont flush every time but if we have alot of water or go into town we flush every time! YTA there is no need to not flush when you have the water!

[@alexius23]

Sober…In my mid 20’s I began to find mornings after was were more & more annoying. I shifted to soda. Before the term “designated driver” was commonly used I became the driver. In my mid 30’s I met my s/o who was in her mid 20’s . She drank while I didn’t. One day she told me that I was embarrassing her. I said I was content & she didn’t push the point. Time moved on…we broke up…nothing to do with liquor & we remained friendly. She started to date a slightly younger guy. She tried to match him & found she couldn’t. She called to apologize to me. She understood, now, my stance.

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 1: I bake, crotchet, and sew, but I don't tell people that I have these hobbies because than the demands for free blankets, pastries, or outfits etc. Come rolling in and people feel entitled to my hard work, time, and money (since I should do these things for FREE and I apparently have SO much FREE time) and if I refuse I'm cruel, heartless, and much worse names...So, NTA OP Story 4: You paid for a trip for a guy you only knew for a month😳. Lesson learned NEVER go on a trip with someone you barely know

[@HealingSpectrumIntuition]

YTA: I don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about leaving nuts out of a cake; it’ll still taste the same, it just won’t have that crunch. You seem really Holier than thou and uppity for choosing this hill to die on. YTA: You’re gross. My grandparents use to do this and it stunk. NAH: But you’re an idiot for telling that one girl the truth. NTA: Something’s wrong with him.

[@wmdkitty]

Toilet Story -- Jesus Christ, just flush! If it's so important to OP to use less water, she can get one of those dual-flush lavs with two flush options.

[@rosaazure]

Story 2 - Not flushing after peeing is good only if you're living in an area where's there's a water shortage. OP lives on her own, so if she doesn't mind the smell it's her prerogative, but when her boyfriend / guests show up, she has to flush, air out the washroom, and clean the toilet of every trace.

[@mckenziehowell4936]

Story 1: nta. It's a free cake that op was making bc she assumed she was making a specific cake that probably couldnt be bought at a store very easily. The parent asking for a chocolate cake instead tips her hands that she is after a free cake in general.

[@tinaatherton7988]

Sounds like a lot of people haven’t lived somewhere that has severe water regulations or is the middle of a drought. When you get hit with high penalties for using too much water for your household, you put a brick in each toilet tank and flush only after defecation or 1x before bed.

[@triumphanimationsandgaming1105]

Story 2) I live in Colorado, a semi dessert state, my step father did this, makes sense to flush less but you gotta flush

[@elenimott1602]

For the flushing story- we stayed in a cabin with a cistern and they had a sign which said: If it’s yellow let it mellow, it it’s brown flush it down. We still joke about the sign.

[@saldiven2009]

You don't get to call people up and demand they do things for you for free.

[@jjbud3124]

Has anyone every heard or read: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown flush it down." That is posted in the rest rooms of a dude ranch out west and probably in many other places. I personally can't do that, but it is common.

[@monkeynumbernine]

S 2nd story. My husband thinks it saves soooo much water to only flush for number 2 .... but he is willing to water his plants outside.

[@alyncook7315]

My parents are teetotalers, my uncles still offer my dad booze, whatever they have that is cheap. My husband is alcohol intolerant, they stopped offering to him when we said the standing rule is who ever slips him alcohol has to clean the projectile vomit up because I'll be too busy getting him back to health.

[@beckygilmore4798]

If it’s brown flush it down , if it’s yellow let it mellow… lol that’s quote was on movie “meeting the parents “

[@68jroche]

Seattle adventure: You dodged a massive bullet. It would have been funny if you'd left him a bus ticket in his belongings.

[@pennymissell4425]

If it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down. Water shortage is a real thing

[@Autumn8564]

So is smelling other peoples pee.

[@autumn557]

Because if you want a chocolate cake go buy one? A. It cake sounds specific and hard to find but chocolate cake is everywhere.

[@andrewhanshaw5646]

A lot of people are shocked when I tell them I dont drink, and when they ask why, I tell them the truth, which is it doesn't matter if it's a hard alcohol or beer, every type of alcohol tastes like I'm drinking Hydrogen peroxide, and most people say that yeah that sucks.

[@Lillypop93]

Drinking story NAH although I don't drink (well technically there are exceptions but 95% of the time I don't drink) all you have to say is "I don't drink" anyone who pressures you after that isn't worth being around.

[@alisterstafford]

For the second story it makes sense nta My mother does the same thing I still think it's a little gross but it makes sense if you're peeing so many times a day you're just wasting water flushing each time and if your partner doesn't want to move in because of one silly thing like this you can't expect them to be more mature or compromising in the future

[@sianchild]

I had an ex like the guy in story 4 who practically invited himself on my holiday. Luckily I left him soon after.

[@68jroche]

No alcohol person: tell no-one or you might as well tell everyone. Instead, just tell them alcohol gives you bad guts or painful kidneys or something. Automatic designated driver!

[@candiebarr6745]

I never bake stuff with nuts because they're so expensive. If I'm going with an expensive ingredient, I'm going with cocoa

[@andybreglia9431]

I just say I prefer to be a designated driver.

[@hrobinson9701]

That's the excuse that my daughter uses as well. Whether she has someone with her that night or not :) She says stating she is the DD really cuts down on the harassment to drink.

[@vernell2601]

Thanks for the hard work!!!

[@heididietrich9800]

Not flushing after you pee? Ewwwww. That's gross.

[@idaearl6715]

First story She doesn't have to make a cake for someone is not paying. Second story Eww! I have lived with non flushers. Gross! Third story I have no problem. Alcohol culture is rampant. People are relentless. Fourth story No! I love how you handled it.

[@camwyn256]

If it’s yellow, keep it mellow. That said, just get a dual flushing toilet, light for pee, heavy for poo. That’s what I did