r/AmITheA--Hole My Brother Slept with Both My Wives

[@threegsgaming6959]

Second story: there was another update. In the end, OP found the right color via the dress shop and trolled the bride by saying she only got the MOH color, even though she bought both colors, right before the wedding. Then, on the day of the wedding, she showed up with the right dress and the bride was shocked and things got awkward. Both OP and her brother attended the wedding, but it was clear it hadn’t been in the cards for them to attend because they weren’t given seats or meals of their own. Edit: holy hell, this blew up. Thank you everyone for all the likes and comments.

[@vbaudelaire7325]

Oh wow so they were messing with them on purpose, if I were OP I would just simply ditch everything and focus on my exams

[@littlemacisunderrated412]

Bruh

[@NinjaMaru1323]

There was also no room for OP and her brother at the dinner table. It was also stated that the Bride had told the Groom that OP had asked to drop out and then pushed to be included. This is why there wasn't any accommodations for seating, food, make up, ect. The newly wedded couple went off on their honeymoon and the Groom came back days early ALONE.

[@cynister7384]

If this is the bride intentionally trying to turn the groom against his family, that's such a huge red flag.

[@hermeticbear]

Daaaaaaaayum!!!!

[@superprincessgem1]

Last story: I don’t think OP was implying that his second wife would cheat. He said “The reason I didn’t invite Thomas to my wedding is because I was worried her steal my now wife just like he stole the first one.” In that sentence he puts the blame on Thomas not imply anything with his new wife. Also, I think the statement was made on impulse. The parents kept pushing and even breaking every boundary with OP. They forced OP to forgive Thomas. The parents kept pressuring OP to invite Thomas. They went behind OP’s back to invite Thomas despite he saying no multiple times. OP’s boundaries were trampled on several times, and it’s clear the family has a golden child. I think the entirety of the last story is NTA, especially because the second wife didn’t seem upset about the announcement.

[@endymionduni5683]

Exactly this, it was worded that the brother was the one trying to yoink the wife, not that the wife would betray him

[@RedOrange7]

I think the problem with the wording is that he said that he WOULD steal her rather than TRY to steal her. Although steal is a bit of a bad word to use in this situation since it’s, you know, a living human being. The way it was phrased implies he believed that his brother could actually succeed, meaning he didn’t or doesn’t trust his wife, and basically broadcasted this to everyone at his wedding. He could have very easily brought up his grievances without connecting it to his now wife or the current wedding in general by saying he was still upset about what Thomas did before (which he has every right to be) but instead he phrased it in a way that implied that Thomas would and COULD convince his wife to cheat. Considering OP’s past history with being cheated on I imagine there’s a good chance he COULD believe his now wife would cheat on him, although sharing that with her (and everyone at their wedding) is rude enough to justify an Everyone Sucks Here rating.

[@claireelizabeth9431]

I think it was just poor word choice on OP's part and that he didn't actually mean this, but what he said implies that his wife is a possession that can be "stolen" from him, instead of a real human person with her own thoughts, feelings, and free will. Just gives me gross objectification/ possessive vibes. I don't think he meant it like that though.

[@aceslycer]

I think it's partially poor choice of words and mainly rslash reading a specific few sentences that trigger him and no longer being able to look at the full picture

[@justaponyyy]

i mean you're implying he would do it without the wife's consent. there is no "stealing" wives when the wife is loyal

[@cynister7384]

Last story: I don't think he was insulting his wife in any way, he obviously isn't actually worried that his wife would leave him for his brother. He was just trying to say what his brother did in a joking way.

[@lucifye9354]

this is the same thing I thought too.

[@bbjjbb61]

Right. I think his wife got the gist behind the comment.

[@madding1602]

True, right? It's hard to get the tone on a plain text, but I'd say that he said it in a joking tone with an accusing bit on the top. And even his wife took it as what it was (at least that's what I catch from the story): a joke to reveal the true face of his brother

[@bazookaward3859]

well said. Not sure what why R/slash would come to that conclusion. Plus his wife was on his side at the end. Even the wife understood the context.

[@Darvk2]

Yeah, Rslash completely missed the point, thats the kind of humour thats very common where I'm from and anyone would know that was a joke not a slight against his wife.

[@tartarsauce7948]

Last story: the wife DID give him a thumbs up by the sounds of it. Judging by her reaction at the end there, I say she understood what he was saying there. So in my book, op isn't the a-hole. His brother and parents are horrendous

[@ДмитрийГусарев-ж8ъ]

The first story: Divorce him. If he's THAT heartless towards his own child from the first marriage, what if something happens to OP and they also have a child? Would this guy be trusted to not treat his late wife's posessions the same way as the first one? I doubt it. Kick the husband out and keep contact with Annie. OP sounds like the only one who has her back there.

[@jamieg2427]

yes! he stole his own daughter's inheritance then gaslit her for years? it's plain wrong.

[@ReigoVassal]

IIRC. There's an update to it. OP choose to leave fearing he would do exactly the same to her daughter. She take the red flag seriously.

[@franl155]

@@ReigoVassal - good to hear. That's one child he can't eff up - any more than he has already

[@ДмитрийГусарев-ж8ъ]

@@ReigoVassal Those are great news. At least this experience opened her eyes and showed exactly how cold and heartless that guy is

[@josephnorris4095]

Yeah, that is always the best option, go straight to DIVORCE! In my opinion, this is why men should never get married, where is the benefit for them? After all, with no fault divorce, it can end instantly, just because.

[@TarotMom86]

with the cheating brother story: I'd give him maybe 1 point for awkwardness, but being an asshole? Nah. He was ripped to shreds by two people who he loved and cared for deeply. Furthermore, his OWN PARENTS aren't even supporting him because they are trying to keep up appearances of a loving and drama-free family. Fuck that shit. It's gaslighting, and narcissistic behavior. OP was well within his right to do what he did, and the way it's presented, OPs new wife doesn't seem too upset over it. Edit: I can kinda understand your take about the "slut" thing. I don't think that was how it was intended, and i'm sure she was MORE than aware of the situation. If they are a healthy couple they likely talked about it enough to where she was aware of the situation and his feelings about the whole ordeal.

[@camostrike4395]

Yeah maybe 0.5 because being cheated on sucks

[@dragonriderabens9761]

@@camostrike4395 a 3.5 on the award scale at most, but that 0.5 on the butthole is negated because he also made it under duress, as his parents not only never stood beside him on this (clear case of golden child syndrome, imo) but also brought the brother to the wedding anyway

[@derpaderpy4931]

I know this is a 6 month old comment and all but honestly, OP gets 0/5, parents get 5/5, Thomas gets 5/5. Thomas is blatantly obvious, with one addition* The parents, though... ohhh boy. Where do I begin? • They didn't just ask if OP wanted to invite his brother. They DEMANDED he did by setting it as their own personal expectation. • *When OP refused, they chose to invite Thomas behind his back, who still went to the wedding despite knowing he wasn't in the slightest in speaking terms with OP. He was absolutely going to chat up the bride, and I doubt anyone ever wants their brother to become their "something blue." • The parents continued to push and yell at OP, stirring the pot and trying to guilt trip him into letting him into the wedding by weaponising the guests. • They then get mad when OP calls their bluff and exposes their golden child for the monstrous human being he truly is. This is far beyond just standard favouritism. If I didn't know better I'd even say the parents were probably also part of the reason OP lost his first wife through coercing their special little baby into making the move. But obviously that's a stretch, and an unrealistic one to boot. As for why I'd give OP 0 buttholes is simple: His wife was 100% in on OP's plan. She wouldn't be marrying him if she didn't support his decision and reasoning. rSlash went on a misandrist tangent over nothing, plain and simple. Awkwardness, sure, but absolutely no points should go into a butthole score.

[@ConnorPugs]

Yeah man it’s time to find a new brother…

[@GhostHunterDipperPines]

Never though I’d see you here

[@lacko623]

Based on the update from another comment, supposedly, the bride was the AH telling OPs brother that OP wanted to drop out.

[@danielseelye6005]

The Bridezilla and her family was gaslighting the Groom and his siblings. It bit her in the ass during the honeymoon.

[@RiveroftheWither]

@@lacko623 I think he's talking about the wife stealing brother story

[@lacko623]

@@RiveroftheWither Fair enough...if that's the case, then I agree... Who needs enemies when you have a brother who banged your wife...

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

Story 1: OP jumped ship after seeing he was happy to lie to her. Story 2: Honestly you really need to read more updates because a lot of stuff is resolved. Or in this case, is a massive laugh. TLDR: The bride did not want her, or her brother there. OP found the actual dress colour, there was no seating/meals for her or her brother. Husband came back early from honeymoon (By himself) and is not talking to his wife) Story 3: Man call the courts on that loser sperm donor. Story 4: "They'll shun him!" Good. They should. Sounds like your parents are playing favourites.

[@youarehere594]

You forgot that sis is friends with the bride and that sis and mom are trying to get her brother to get back with the bride. You have to love that OP played the bride by showing up and with the correct dress color. (Though the dress switch was pure genius.) Yep, lots to that story and glad OP shared all of it. (Except what happened during the honeymoon but I'm pretty sure OP didn't/doesn't know.)

[@FantaFaraday]

The bridesmaid dress story got me. I was the "best woman" in a wedding this past fall and lived one state over (but like only 2 hours away). Everyone else went shopping together and it was less than 6 weeks before the wedding before I finally got dress details. It was too late to order a dress. I was extreeeeemely lucky to find an off the rack dress that fit. Hell, I never even got an invitation and had to bug for times to be there. Big shocker we aren't friends anymore. He was my best friend for 20 years but 🤷‍♀️. People just need to grow some balls and let people know their true feelings instead of causing people emotional stress and also the stress of getting a stupid dress that you didn't need to waste money on.

[@josephinenelan4204]

One of my cousins started a trend of giving bridesmaids parameters . Basically, she picked out a few appropriate dress styles and said bridesmaids could decide between which the pastel colors they would be (soft pastel rainbow effect). And I continued it but slightly different. Limited cleavage and at least knee length, other than that I wanted a certain pallet of colors and my bridesmaids worked it out. Now I have another cousin who has a specific color she wants for when she gets married, so not pallet, but within certain parameters she's okay with what we pick. I don't understand the bridezilla control freak stuff. I also want bridal party to feel comfortable, too. To like what they're wearing. And when they buy their own dresses, to not have it be $200 just to have a dress if they can find a great one that's like $30.

[@FantaFaraday]

@@josephinenelan4204 I'm the last to be married in my friend circles (and amongst the cousins) and I've been in many weddings. I've kept one dress....and that was from a themed wedding (the dress works for ren faires, ha). Many were luckily similar to what you said - like one color and we pick the style but agreed on wanting them to be comfortable and have something they can wear again maybe. The amount of money I've sunk into weddings blows me away when I look back. Totally with you on if they can find a $30 dress, sweet. I'd be like wear your LBD or I'll buy you the LBD that works for you.

[@josephinenelan4204]

@@FantaFaraday Plus a lot of those summer dresses or cocktail dresses look way better than the short bridesmaids dresses bridal shops have (at least from what I have seen).

[@alaaesong164]

@@josephinenelan4204 If I ever have a wedding (I don't have many friends) this is how I planned on doing it, "hey here's some dress colours I'd like you to choose from, here's some styles I'd prefer you to wear, but if none of them suit show me something you'd prefer to wear". I HATE planning things, and wedding planning gives me anxiety and i'm not even engaged, i could NOT imagine micro managing everything because I already know i'd be that one person to fuck up my vows at the altar and we'd all laugh about it.

[@DeadDancers]

Last story: ‘how could you ruin his life by exposing what he did??’ Reality: ‘he ruined his own life by engaging in bad behaviour. You made it worse by trying to cover it up. Reap what you sow.’

[@icebreischill3723]

I feel like the father from the first story deserves 5/5 butholes because I fell like that giving the necklace to his new daughter instead of his first daughter is like emotional abuse

[@The_Dark_One784]

Agreed. But rslash wants to keep the 5/5 rare. I respect that

[@icebreischill3723]

@@The_Dark_One784 didn't he say he gave those to child abusers? I feel like this one fits

[@bryn1063]

@@icebreischill3723Agreed! This is complete abuse. Why is op still with this monster? What type of heartless person would do this?! The poor daughter, I hope she never has to deal with that dads bs again.

[@featherton3381]

@The Dark One784He gave it to the brother who stole OP’s wife. Both are unforgivable acts, but the sheer cruelty OP’s husband showed to his

[@paro4128]

@@bryn1063 op said in an update that she divorced him.

[@EJ-rz4ej]

Story 4: Literally no one thought the wife was offended by what the OP said. Just you rslash . And it is pretty clear she didn't take offense as well, since I am guessing she knew of the situation before. The only AHs are the brother and the parents. The OP isn't an AH, but I do think he shouldn't have said that during his wedding. So as to avoid anymore unnecessary conflict with the parents, assuming he still wants them in his life. But really OP's parents should drop the clear favoritism and just be happy for their son's wedding. Who knows maybe OP might forgive him in a far future. Forcing reconciliation normally makes things worse not better.

[@gorkemaykut5230]

Op set his boundaries from the start and told them no but they insisted on playing favourites You reap what you sow

[@mariposa9506]

Nope, not just rslash. Many people in the comments, including me, thought that was offensive towards his wife. It was a low class statement put out as a low class joke. You want to tell people about your brother, knock yourself out. But your wedding day is not the place to air your dirty laundry in public and make negative statements. That's a cloud over your wedding day and disrespectful to your bride. As someone who has been a bride back in the day I can put myself in those shoes. Of course she'd side with her husband publicly for appearances and to support him, doesn't mean she feels good about it.

[@mrsplashman8308]

@@mariposa9506 she was speaking to him in private

[@Cyberneticfrk]

@@mariposa9506 Miss girl, shut up 😭 He can air his laundry wherever tf he wants. He did it at the weeding because that’s where they’d ask. And the wife did agree in private. Just cuz you can’t stand 2 minutes not being about you don’t mean other people can’t 💀

[@Cyberneticfrk]

@@mariposa9506 You are not ready for the real world if what he says offends you. Grow up 💀

[@jaymercer4515]

Given the wife's response, she was probably okay with it.

[@DN0103]

Yeah, she didn't seem to be angry with OP at all and instead seemed to agree with him, like a good spouse. OP's parents however, they're major buttholes if they think what Thomas did was fine and forgivable. They also have the audacity to secretly invite him to OP's wedding to reconcile? Give me a break. It seems clear to me that they're playing favorites with Thomas.

[@kranberry3318]

@@DN0103 Yeah I’m getting strong “Golden Child” vibes there

[@sourisvoleur4854]

@@kranberry3318 Which may be why he thought it was all right to hook up with OP's wife.

[@seancarroll9849]

Same. Let's call a spade a spade here. OP's brother was a cheating arse, so he got what he deserved, and the wife even supported the call out. Secondly, it was a spite joke. Spite jokes never translate well unless you were there at the moment. The parents on the other hand...That's grounds for low contact. Never, ever, go up against the wishes of the bride and groom. It doesn't end well.

[@reddiamond6524]

Last story had a comment that said Op should have worded it like this: "I'd like to thank Thomas. If he hadn't slept with my first wife, I'd never have met the true love of my life."

[@auberginebear]

Story 4: NTA; I disagree with rSlash, the fact that OP didn't want his brother there because he'd try to steal his new wife doesn't mean he's throwing her under the bus, he's just saying he worried his brother would try to get with her, not that she'd fall for it.

[@topasu9454]

it was his word choice, though. how are you not getting this?

[@auberginebear]

@@topasu9454 the wording choice still put the onus on fhe brother, not the new wife, and based on his later statements, she clearly didn't take his comment as offensive if she still is on his side.

[@GamerSapss]

@@topasu9454 You have to stretch to get that from his wording choice, he's implying "He cheated with my ex-wife, I don't want him making advances on my current wife"

[@JasonConlan75]

@@topasu9454 Horseshit he didn't imply anything I bet you any money he ran it past his wife before saying it R/slash is talking nonsense but then again he does come across as a condescending AH at times

[@DHTheAlaskan]

@@topasu9454 cheaters often repeat offend, he's saying "if he did it once he would most likely do it again." Hope you didn't strain yourself with that reach.

[@franl155]

There's a difference between "being stolen" and "actively cooperating" - OP at least saved his new bride harassment from his brother's unwanted advances. ps Misleading thumbnail, by the way - "brother slept with both my wives"?

[@itsmilan4069]

Yes that's the thing If OP didn't took a step there was chance that the brother could have tried to hit on her, even if she isn't or will never be interested that wouldn't makes the situation any better

[@astrology_2]

Yeah I’m pretty sure in some or most of these videos the title is not fully accurate.

[@TerranosaurRex]

So he's implying his wife would be raped by his brother?.. a cheater or not... an accusation like would ruin their life.. and they dont deserve that..

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

First Story, NTA: Annie IS entitled to her late mother's possessions, especially if it was written in a will. What OP's husband said is bs and the fact he gave his late ex-wife's necklace to his new wife is very disrespectful to his late wife. All OP did was tell him what exactly will happen if he keeps this up and is stating nothing but facts. The clear and blantant favoritism is insane. He is a horrible person honestly. Second Story, NTA: How the hell is OP supposed to order a dress without knowing the required color? They have no business getting on OP when no one ever told her what color she needs for the dress. Who takes weeks and weeks to decide the color of a dress? I wouldn't want to go to this wedding with this annoying bride. OP's family is insane Third Story, NTA: LMAO imagine expecting the son the father that literally abandons him for his new family to put in money towards a car for that same sorry excuse for a father. Aida is extremely delusional to think OP would ever get his bio-dad anything for Father's Day after what he did to OP and his family Fourth Story, NTA: Thomas SHOULD get shunned for what he did. First off, since when was it ok for the parents of the groom to invite someone that the groom doesn't want there? I wouldn't be surprised if OP goes no contact after this. Sorry rSlash I have to disagree. OP simply told the family the reason why Thomas wouldn't be there today since OP's parents was soooo worried about what the family would think about Thomas not being there. OP just tol d the reason why he wouldn't be there for the wedding and why he wasn't invited in the first place. Also, I don't think OP was implying that his current wife is a slut and will cheat on him, OP was implying that his brother will possibly try to get with this current wife. I could be wrong because it doesn't say in the story whether OP's ex went after Thomas first or if it was the other way around

[@DENZELADIBOSS]

I picked up a red flag from the story started. OP's husband blamed his divorce from his second wife on his oldest daughter. He just made sure that the way he told his current wife made it seem like he did it to keep the peace.

[@derekwhite1870]

Second got an update: long story short Op showed in the right dress. Bride was surprised she was there along with the other brother. They had no place to sit nor any food. The groom left the honeymoon early and alone.

[@echo7227]

It is unclear from the story if there was a will or not. If there was no will then all the late wife’s possessions would go to her husband. So legally he did nothing wrong. Legally the necklace would not be the daughter’s inheritance

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

@@echo7227 that maybe right but morally it should go to the daughter and not given to his new girlfriend/wife

[@echo7227]

@@xKCAZxLEADER I would tend to agree with you. On a moral level it seemed weird to not give it to the daughter. But on a legal level he did nothing wrong. The post said he denied her inheritance which is just not true. I think the writer didn’t do a good job writing this and it seemed like their were other things going on here that weren’t explained. I think he might be an jerk but this is not a reason to divorce him as some people were saying

[@GreenMetalicDevil]

Dabney, that last one is a joke. A spiteful one, but still a joke. It's in the style of some people never change. Like saying of course Tom ate all the candy, or Katie always goes for the jock type, or that of course Karen is always making a fuss. I seriously doubt he accused his wife, or else he wouldn't have married her after how his first marriage went.

[@TerranosaurRex]

A joke or not... what would others think?

[@condar419]

Sorry Dabney, but I disagree with you on that last story. He was in no way insulting his wife; that was clearly a joke, and literally everyone there would have understood that, including his wife. The serious part of his comment was clear; brother stole the first wife. That's it.

[@GoldenSunAlex]

Yeah, I think that sort of thing is a trigger for him. I don't think I've ever seen him do an unbiased story when there's a situation like that.

[@Bludgeoned2DEATH2]

Nah I agree with him. Slut shaming his new wife, joke or not, is not okay.

[@scmontgomery]

It's cool that you both can respectfully disagree and give criticism.

[@bryn1063]

Agreed completely. Op didn't call his wife a slut, if anything he called his brother a slut. It's HIS wedding, the brother shouldn't be allowed there. Parents are so entitled someone needs to yell some sense into them. I'm shocked op even trusted them to come to his wedding after what they pressed on him coming. 😒

[@JeezAlax]

It's either a joke or extremely bad phrasing, but either way, he was in no way insulting his wife.

[@BookdragonCarina]

I literally never think „it was a joke“ is a good response, because jokes can hurt badly too. But in Story 4, it is true for once. It was a joke. There was no indication the wife was pissed about that. He was clearly not calling out his wife, only his brother. Who more than deserved it. He deserved no protection from consequences of his own behavior. So, I believe OP is NTA.

[@TerranosaurRex]

Then what do you think he was implying if he wasnt implying his wife would cheat? A joke or not imagen hearing that yourself.

[@blzultimate3495]

@@TerranosaurRexI mean the wife clearly is fine with what op said so what ur implying is that u know better than the wife

[@TerranosaurRex]

@@blzultimate3495 i mean, but what is she wasn't? we only know that from after the fact.

[@blzultimate3495]

@@TerranosaurRex then ig she should have said she wasn’t

[@cannonbyrd1755]

@@TerranosaurRexlmao, you know op isn’t an asshole because his wife is on his side, don’t say “BuT WhaT If ShE wAsNT” because it’s doesn’t matter. She was ok with it. End of story

[@silverflight01]

Story 4: I kinda sit in-between NTA and ESH. Like, OP could've worded that speech better. On another note, Thomas really got what he deserved, and the parents basically got karma for inviting him behind OP's back. You don't invite people if you aren't the bride or groom. That's their job

[@GamerSapss]

Definitivly NTA, yes he could word his speech better... but the wife had his back *and* it clearly was a way to expose him presented as a joke

[@shawnpaul1052]

OP is not the butthole. Case closed.

[@DarkEinherjar]

OP shouldn't have done the speech at all. Instead, he should've exposed the brother before the wedding.

[@DHTheAlaskan]

Plus OP's parents seem to care for Thomas more than OP even after Thomas ruined OP's first marriage.

[@Godzilladino]

@@GamerSapss That's the thing rslash didn't mention in his commentary, she didn't seem upset. She fully supported OP do most likely she wasn't insulted by that joke

[@dengsuevang1035]

Just because Thomas apologized, doesn't mean he's automatically forgiven. The fact that ops parents actually thought op wouldn't still be hurt after his first wife, is just shocking. Thomas is still his brother, but that doesn't mean everything should just go back to normal like nothing happened. OP is not the butthole

[@yobabycolin2933]

That’s why I think the parents deserve 5/5 buttholes too.

[@dragonetafireball]

Story 2 final update: Quick update: I was seriously considering pulling out, but the collective rage here and my fading motivation to study has me thinking… by this point, with how this post took off, I wouldn’t be surprised if they find it at some point so I don’t want to reveal my cards just yet. Thank you to the comments that gave me the idea. I guess I’ll be making an update mid June if it all goes to plan. FINAL UPDATE Thanks to some responses, I called the bridal salon and asked what colors were ordered. Four dresses in the color “flint” one in “mulberry.” The MOH was setting me up to believe “mulberry” was the color of ALL the dresses. So, I ordered one in mulberry and one in flint. I only let the MOH know I purchased a "mulberry" dress. I caught a red eye to be there for the rehearsal. They had a room to get ready in the morning and wanted all the dresses stored there. I show up with the mulberry dress. The bride begins crying because it’s “too late to fix it!” She asks if I would be upset if asked to drop out because mulberry is for the MOH. I pretended like I had made such a big mistake! I said, “I know a girl that works at the salon. Let me call her and see if there’s anyway to make it right, and if not I’ll step down because I want you to have the perfect day.” I show back up the next morning to start getting ready with the correct dress in tow. “My friend looked in the back for me and they JUST had this returned yesterday, what are the odds! Exact style, color and my size, it’s a sign!” Silence. Then an awkward, “that’s amazing.” Now I’ll be honest, I thought the revenge would be that they had to have me and younger brother in the wedding and photos. I couldn’t have planned the next part. They had to explain to the makeup artist there was an additional bridesmaid meaning they planned from the beginning that I wouldn't be in this wedding. The ceremony went fine. We took photos after. Then, there were no place settings for me and little bro with the wedding party at the reception since banked on one less bridesmaid and one less groomsman being present. The table was almost not long enough, two chairs had to be thrown on the ends. We didn’t get food Initially because we were actually in the seating plan at other tables so our plates were brought to those place settings. I can tell my brother (groom) seems ticked off at the staff for seemingly not having things set up properly but the bride and best man diverted his attention. Before he (groom) left he found me and said he asked the MOH why the setting were wrong and he was told I asked to be dropped from the wedding party weeks ago then showed up and demanded to be in the wedding. I said I didn't ask to be dropped and showed him my phone where she gave me a thumbs up on the dress. He noticed the screenshot was not the dress I was currently wearing so I said I had to last minute switch it out after confusion on the color. He seemed satisfied with that. They left on their honeymoon, and my brother returned several days early… alone. So, you can guess how that went.

[@gabrielaubry1334]

I WAS RIGHT! IT WAS A SET UP!

[@MauveMimi]

Op has great control because I would’ve just not have came at all nor sent a gift. It was so obvious what they were doing because op asks what the color was; no response; op asks again; everyone is yelling at her. Super suspicious and weird. I would’ve not gone. They knew why she couldn’t make it in person and then act like they didn’t know 🙄

[@wannabehistorian371]

Wait OP wasn’t supposed to be at the wedding but was in the seating plans?

[@dragonetafireball]

@@wannabehistorian371 OP never cancelled and the wedding party wanted her demoted to regular guest which is why there was a seat for her with the regular guests

[@Nikodymus]

Ohhhh vengeance is sweet. And I’m so glad the older brother saw reason. Shame about the marriage failing, but hey, he maybe dodged a huge bullet.

[@shopkeeperore199]

In the last story, I find it extremely insulting that the brother would even try to sneak into the wedding. He destroyed OP's first marriage and betrayed their trust. The brother should have just stayed away. A sorry can't heal all wounds

[@auberginebear]

Story 1: NTA; this is the kind of thing I'd leave someone for, not just the coldheartedness to which the husband acted previously and still being so cruel about it.

[@tultiden2040]

Excuse me, but your name is not in compliance with the color for wedding attire. We want light purple.

[@ashleytheblindvisionary907]

@@tultiden2040 yes, but WHICH light purple?

[@davidv5050]

I disagree with rSlash about the last story. This is a clear case of OP’s parents not caring about OP’s feelings on the matter, they essentially let Thomas get away with what happened with the first wife. OP’s parents basically forced it to become a secret and then tried to force OP to invite his brother despite his objections. And even then tried to do it behind his back. What OP did during his wedding was clearly justified. He wasn’t insinuating his new wife would cheat on him, he insinuated that his own brother might steal his new wife from him just like the last wife. To explain a bit more, Thomas already has shown he has no qualms involving himself with another man’s wife. OP doesn’t want a repeat of last time. OP’s new wife understands this.

[@TerranosaurRex]

So he was implying his brother would rape his wife? If not.. then what?

[@Sanodi21]

The first story is one of the easier 5/5s I've seen and I'm shocked OP is still married to him. If he showed this level of disrespect to his first daughter, then he sure as hell will have none for OP Edit: OP commented she's leaving him. Good

[@GiordanDiodato]

she didn't know about it.

[@Sanodi21]

@@GiordanDiodato Yeah, I saw that after the comment. That ex can rot in hell because he's an absolute bastard

[@LA-mz1dd]

It's too bad op couldn't get the necklace and get it to the daughter

[@strangetime8237]

The last story, sorry Rslash but I disagree. Like you said earlier his wedding his choice, so overall OP wasn't in the wrong to say his brother is a home wrecker for costing his last marriage and his family are butts too for siding with his brother as well as going behind his back. The wife by the way seems fine with what op said.

[@knightzilver4696]

That’s just what he does. Makes a big deal out of the smallest thing. I mean the absolute stretch he made when he called his wife a slut was crazy. No one at all ha mentioned it or thought about it that way but of course he wanted to because he thinks his word is right

[@KnucklesxReala911]

By now rslash has become very well know for twisting stories in which he can push down dudes if a woman is involved, here the wifeis no mentioned at all to be annoyed, it reminds me about a different one in which he accused a dad of leaving his teenager daughter with her mom for some days because she keeps using it as a thread when they would have an argument, and once there she hated it, and then rslash somehow twisted it in saying the dad left his daughter on a super physical and emotionally abusive home when clearly that was not the case, like she could have been a terrible mom in many ways that didn't involved that, like having a dirty place or never cooking or having entertainment for her

[@Altoryu]

Yeah I have noticed that from time to time RSlash has some really shitty opinions when it comes to AITA stories. Sometimes he just gets facts plain wrong or never looks up any additional information that shows a more clear idea of what is going on and never owns up to it.

[@nutpeg6915]

@@KnucklesxReala911 what vid was that

[@KnucklesxReala911]

@@nutpeg6915 was another of his aita videos, can't remember if was on the title but was relatively recent i think, like some months ago

[@jeffpirinen7081]

Wow. The bridesmaids dress story is gaslighting at its finest

[@joshlithuania508]

It seems like his wife was okay with it and took it as a joke and not to heart. He did say she said, "atleast your family will be off your back about inviting him" which sort of implies she was okay with the whole situations get down

[@djwolfenstein]

First story: Divorce. Plain and simple. Second story: I would've backed out immediately. Third Story: Awful father. Awful. Last story: I'm gonna disagree with RSlash on this one yes OP maybe insulted his new wife in how you look at it but still Thomas deserved what he got.

[@nannamoates2518]

And the parents. Hiding this from the family was clearly protecting the jerk and parents reputation at the expense of the victim.

[@waynesteedman6855]

I gotta disagree on the last story judgment. Yes, what Thomas did was clearly unforgivable to OP and many other people. However, there doesn't seem to be indication that THOMAS was pushing to come. From what I heard, he's been remorseful, asked for forgiveness, but doesn't seem to have pushed anything. OP made a scene, and exposed Thomas to a group of people (at least half of which probably don't even know him), when OPs PARENTS were the real AHs here. I still give a light->medium judgment here. And whether or not the people thought he was implying his wife was a cheater or not, and whether the wife took it well or not, it's still causing a scene at their WEDDING on behalf of a person we have no indication was trying to cross boundaries.

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

Good news for the first story! Wife made comments about how she's 'definitely not staying with him after this'

[@RiveroftheWither]

It's actually a good thing op attending the wedding. There was an update and long story short, the groom had no idea about any of this bs, asked the MOH why his siblings weren't included in anything, she flat out lied about all the catty bs and op told him everything with screenshots. He returned from the honeymoon early and by himself. Had op not gone and gotten the opportunity to say something, who knows what else op and the little brother would have been excluded from? Birthdays, Christmas, cookouts, baby shower, thanksgiving? All while the (possibly already ex) wife would be telling lies to him with her minions corroborating her story.

[@djwolfenstein]

@@JadeAnnabelArt Good. He's a bastard.

[@JeezAlax]

Story 4: I'm going to agree with literally everyone in these comments and the original post, NTA in the slightest. Given the wife's comment near the end, it's implied she DID approve or similar. Regarding OP's little speech, he's completely fine with doing what he did. The timing might have been bad, but that's it. And "insulting the wife"? No...just no. You're point system is so scrambled, I could probably confuse it for breakfast eggs.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 3: This feels like a trap, what step parent calls their step kids out of nowhere, about 5 or 6 years later to demand money for a present like that? I think they wanted to see if they could get money out of OP.

[@mozmotheferret7913]

Oh, totally. OP turns 18 and they assume he has an income, so they ask for $2k. The salt in the wound is asking for it for fathers day. Well, you have to be a damn good father to be rewarded that kind of money.

[@tcrpgfan]

To which I'd have been like "Let's see what the IRS has to say about that considering your husband didn't pay child support.'

[@booleah6357]

OP should have got his dad a court summons for father's Day lol.

[@Garurugirl1]

rSlash he didn't insult his wife.... he just throw his brother under the bus....and going by the wife response about the aftermath she give him the ok. like if OP did insult his wife he would have go " the reason my brother isn't here it because he stole my last wife and I don't trust my new wife enough to be even in the same room with him." but one Op said: the reason my brother isn't here it because my brother stole my last wife..."

[@hermeticbear]

That family is absolutely gaslighting the groom's siblings

[@epichoagie5999]

Just adding to the chorus here, Dabs. OP in the last story wasn't insulting his wife. He was trashing his trashy brother who, ya know, is trash. You have got some oooooold ideas about how relationships and emotional scarring work man.

[@fendviyo]

"everyone will look down on Thomas and shun him" good. Actions have consequences 🤷‍♂️

[@queenofputrescence5167]

There is a final update to the bridesmaid dress fiasco. "FINAL UPDATE Thanks to some responses, I called the bridal salon and asked what colors were ordered. Four dresses in the color “flint” one in “mulberry.” The MOH was setting me up to believe “mulberry” was the color of ALL the dresses. So, I ordered one in mulberry and one in flint. I only let the MOH know I purchased a "mulberry" dress. I caught a red eye to be there for the rehearsal. They had a room to get ready in the morning and wanted all the dresses stored there. I show up with the mulberry dress. The bride begins crying because it’s “too late to fix it!” She asks if I would be upset if asked to drop out because mulberry is for the MOH. I pretended like I had made such a big mistake! I said, “I know a girl that works at the salon. Let me call her and see if there’s anyway to make it right, and if not I’ll step down because I want you to have the perfect day.” I show back up the next morning to start getting ready with the correct dress in tow. “My friend looked in the back for me and they JUST had this returned yesterday, what are the odds! Exact style, color and my size, it’s a sign!” Silence. Then an awkward, “that’s amazing.” Now I’ll be honest, I thought the revenge would be that they had to have me and younger brother in the wedding and photos. I couldn’t have planned the next part. They had to explain to the makeup artist there was an additional bridesmaid meaning they planned from the beginning that I wouldn't be in this wedding. The ceremony went fine. We took photos after. Then, there were no place settings for me and little bro with the wedding party at the reception since banked on one less bridesmaid and one less groomsman being present. The table was almost not long enough, two chairs had to be thrown on the ends. We didn’t get food Initially because we were actually in the seating plan at other tables so our plates were brought to those place settings. I can tell my brother (groom) seems ticked off at the staff for seemingly not having things set up properly but the bride and best man diverted his attention. Before he (groom) left he found me and said he asked the MOH why the setting were wrong and he was told I asked to be dropped from the wedding party weeks ago then showed up and demanded to be in the wedding. I said I didn't ask to be dropped and showed him my phone where she gave me a thumbs up on the dress. He noticed the screenshot was not the dress I was currently wearing so I said I had to last minute switch it out after confusion on the color. He seemed satisfied with that. They left on their honeymoon, and my brother returned several days early… alone. So, you can guess how that went."

[@JerseyAnimations1]

Second story: NTA. No one told her what color dress she has to wear. Bonus to the second story, I love how Rslash put a lot of emphasis on the "But, still no one has told me the color" in the story.

[@Rob.N771]

Ok Rslash, the younger brother was right to out him. Publicly, and his parents for siding with the brother. He didn't insult his wife. The older brother is lucky he didn't take a kicking for that level of betrayal

[@TerranosaurRex]

Then did he imply his wife would rape his brother? If not.. then what?

[@dracko158]

OP: *"TELL ME THE GODDAMN COLOR FOR THE DRESS!!!"* Them: *"No, I don't think we will."* OP: **Is late to buying the dresses** Also them: **Surprised Pikachu Face**

[@Juju2927]

4th story : Seeing how the wife was supportive of his decision in the post, I doubt that she felt insulted one bit. It's clear the commentary wasn't "My wife may cheat on me" and more "My brother is a wife stealer"

[@CartoonGentlemen]

there were several updates to the 2nd story with the wedding dress but to sum it up Op was able to find the color of the dress from the shop itself and she also confirmed that they planned on booting her and cousin from the wedding. So her plan buy 2 dresses 1 in the color they told her so they can make a scene and op would feel obligated to drop from the wedding on her own . The 2nd was for her to miraculously show up in the right color saying "It was a miracle they had 1 dress that was the right color and size" When OP Pulled the right dress they were stund silent. They tried to be "happy" that they found her dress but it was clear they were banking on her dropping out. The reception didn't have room for her at the main table and they had to bring a chair from the table she was assigned to which was well away and they had to tell the staff about the seating change cause it took a while for op to get served. ( now this next bit might not be this story) The groom was angry that when OP told him the story of how many hoops Op and the Other Groomsman had to jump through to be there and apparently the bride and groom went on the honeymoon, the Groom returned ALONE

[@ashleyd7023]

What an awful thing to do to OP. Bridesmaid dresses are not cheap and purposely getting her to buy the wrong one is horrendous. The entire way they went about everything was horrible.

[@toysruskid5074]

@@ashleyd7023 Her older sister was the brides best friend. Likely the older sister was the biggest driving wedge in the whole thing. "Marry my brother so we can be real sisters and cut the 2 awful people out of my life!"

[@CaliopeCalia]

I really needed this update. Thank you for sharing

[@TessaCoddington]

I read the update and I don’t believe she’s told him anything yet. The MOH tried to tell the groom, on the wedding day, that op dropped out and then demanded to be involved last minute and that’s why there were no settings for them, but she pulled out her phone and just showed the texts approving the dress color, explained there was a color mixup and that was it. They went on their honeymoon and he returned early, alone, and isn’t speaking to his wife. But she doesn’t know why as he’s not talking about what happened on the honeymoon.

[@theskyisteal8346]

Last story: I got the impression that the wife approved of his handling of the situation. He described what seemed like a positive interaction with her after the fact and I assume he would have talked about it with her beforehand and just left that out of the story.

[@yobabycolin2933]

My thoughts: Story 1: NTA. It's bad enough that OP's husband and his ex forced Annie to give Amy a necklace that legally belongs to her, but they punished her when she tried to take it back and have been generally treating her like garbage. OP and Annie get 0/5 buttholes. The husband gets 5/5. The ex also gets 5/5 and Amy gets at least 2/5 for acting like a brat and not taking care of the necklace properly. Story 2: NTA. Everything involved with the wedding except for OP, the mother, and OP's brother sound either stupid, a bunch of assholes, or both. The people mistreating OP get 3/5 buttholes. The people mistreating the brother get 4/5 for the use of slurs. OP and mother get 0/5. Story 3: NTA. Father gets 4.5/5 partially not paying child support out of spite and partially for acting entitled to any type of gift after not being involved in his child's life for several years. Stepmom gets 3/5. The step siblings get at least a 1.5/5. OP, his mother, uncle, and cousin all get 0/5. Story 4: NTA, but only because it seems like OP's wife didn't mind. I'm giving the brother, the ex and parents 5/5 buttholes each. The brother and ex for cheating in a way that's even worse than normal and the parents for, among other things, mistreating OP and caring more about their feelings than his.

[@1musamune]

depending on the state the Child Support order came from it could be a felony for not paying it for years.

[@TerranosaurRex]

I agree... but not with the scores. He deserves NTA! But 0.5/5. Everyone else deaerves 4/5 or 3/5

[@LostAngel907]

Wedding story: knowing that her family was pulling stuff like this with my brother would only push me to MAKE SURE we were BOTH at that wedding! We all know that if they don't go, she will use that against then at all family events and it could effect the brother who is getting married to not attend important events in their lives as well.... I know it's a stretch, but I've seen people pull things like this (where it's easy to make themselves look innocent) as an early stage of isolating their SO

[@bradygreenberg6482]

"....he was divorced.." Hm. I wonder why.

[@threecheeseburrito]

The last one is just... Wow. I don't understand why OP's parents made him cover up the fact that his brother _stole his wife._ Hiding it only for it to come out later just makes the parents guilty by association _because_ they covered it up! That, and the fact that they're getting upset because it's literally their fault. OP is 100% not the butthole in this one. If you don't wanna be publicly humiliated for being a terrible person, then _don't be a terrible person!_

[@JokesInBase13]

Someone needs to tell the Bridesmaid OP to watch her Groom Brother like a HAWK because it sounds like this Bride and her family are trying to isolate him from his family.

[@erauprcwa]

Groom found out and return home,alone, from the honeymoon.

[@OneEyeShadow]

@@erauprcwa good. But also poor guy.

[@LittleDuckOfPower]

My favorite part of this video is RSlash acting **shocked** about raising a kid being so ‘cheap’ now, in that cynical dad tone he’s earned since having his baby

[@maieen2665]

*First OP:* I thought Annie was angry because her dad cheated on his late first wife with his second wife, or because he moved on so quickly from his first wife to his second. Him giving his first wife’s necklace to Amy instead of Annie is messed up. I imagine Annie felt like her dad took a piece of her mom and gave it to Amy without any consideration of Annie’s feelings. He even invalidated her feelings. OP is NTA for giving her husband the reality check. *Second OP:* I read the whole saga several days ago. It turns out OP’s mom, sister, and some of her future in-laws were trying to sabotage OP and her brother so they wouldn’t attend the wedding. OP is NTA, and I hope her brother got the marriage annulled *Third OP:* I don’t have much to say except that OP’s step-mom should’ve stayed in her lane. OP is NTA. WTF!? *Fourth OP:* Another Malicious Compliance crossover! So, OP’s parents are mad at OP for not forgiving his brother after he - _checks notes_ - slept with OP’s wife? _Then_ the parents get mad at OP for explaining his brother’s absence per their request? Am I getting it right? OP is NTA, and should go no contact with his original family. His new wife sounds like a keeper. I gotta disagree with rSlash here; I doubt OP thinks his current wife passionately hugs any and every guy she meets. I don’t think it’s that deep -(that’s what -_-she-_- said)-

[@sourisvoleur4854]

Agree completely and I like your joke at the end.

[@gretchenstearns299]

First story: take the necklace and give it back to the daughter then divorce him.

[@yeetiusmaximuss]

That last story you're reading too much into it, he wasn't insulting his wife, he was making a statement telling the truth about his brother. Sure they way he said it could be interpreted that way in a round about way like you explained, but I think that's just cherry picking to find an issue with his statement, he didn't mean it like that, and I know his wife didn't take it like that either. It was more of a rhetorical statement

[@GamerSapss]

Rslash has a horrible consistency of cherrypicking stories to make it seem like they are slighting the wife when it clearly is both not the intent nor what is happening

[@DE-YT]

@@GamerSapss yeah, I don't know why but when the op is a male rslash would look more into the story just to make the op look like a butthole

[@thefoxygamer1536]

@@GamerSapss he's had some HORRIBLE takes in the past. He seems to think that if an adult child does something horrible then its always the parents fault. Also from what I heard from other people is that he defended someone who was being transphobic

[@knightzilver4696]

@@thefoxygamer1536 there was actually a story in which a guy had a wife and daughter from another marriage constantly fighting and then it was an argument between the new wife, ex, and daughter and when op didn’t want a say in what they were doing because he was burned out and too tired Rslash called HIM the butt and said that he should man up and that he is being a pussy for not doing so

[@nancypofahl4602]

Story 1. Wow, that is truly awful. When I was ten, I lost both of my parents. My oldest brother rented a trailer and nearly emptied the entire house taking everything, including my clothes and toys. He gave them to his kids leaving me with nothing more then a picture of my mom. That anger stayed with me for a long time but I have since come to terms with it. At least it was family. OP's inheritance was given to a complete stranger. I doubt she will ever have warm and fuzzy thoughts for her dad, possibly ever. What goes around comes around. What a piece of human garbage her dad is.

[@TrafalgarWaterDLaw-dl5cm]

The worse part was that of all her posessions he gave away the most significant item. If he'd given away any other thing it would still be bad, but this was just insulting and telling. The way the father called the new child "special" so she should have something "special" even implies that he picked the necklace on purpose to steal from his daughter. Chosing the new child over her, and ignoring the fact that only the daughter whos mother thisybelonged to had any connection to it. And her trying to "Steal" it only prooved that she clearly held alot of value to it. While the stepsister even let it get damaged. Just aweful

[@threegsgaming6959]

Third story: NTA and I loved OP’s response. It’s very petty and witty, just what they deserve.

[@allisonhupp6596]

I've been married 18 years and I still do not understand the concept of siding with your spouse if they're in the wrong. Why would anyone back someone who is wrong? Support them through it (depending) but you are under no obligation to agree with them if they're wrong. It just seems like a way to enable toxic behavior to me.

[@sourisvoleur4854]

Agree. Toxic behavior, or worse.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Story 2: I'd order it in white. Because every bride loves white, right? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[@ricochet0928]

Last story: NTA. OP didn't throw his wife under the bus, and where was it implied that she didn't want him to say anything? From the sounds of it, she was perfectly ok with what OP said. Also slight nitpick, but the wedding day isn't just her day, it's OP's day too

[@silverflight01]

Story 2: Man, they were really trying so hard to keep out OP and it shows. Might as well either not come or just wear the wrong shade of purple and blame it on poor communication. Edit: Oh, looks like OP found the right color based on another update another comment pointed out. Honestly, it's pretty funny that the plan to keep out OP fell apart. Never pull something like this. If you don't want to invite someone, just say that you don't. It's better than pretending to invite them and then breaking their trust

[@luna_theraider]

It sounds like the Bride and her click/family want to not include the family of the groom.

[@toysruskid5074]

It sounds more like the older brother just found out his marriage was a set up so that his sister and her bestie (the bride) could have their perfect family. Likely manipulated from the absolute beginning of the relationship.

[@darkdemondevil]

I'm also doing to disagree with r/slash about the last story. One thing I need to mention too is that you like to pull the whole "The wedding is the bride's day" a lot. The wedding is for both people. Both people are getting married. It's mildly sexist to say that wedding days are the bride's special day. That said, him saying that statement does not imply his wife is the type to sleep around. It can just as easily imply that Thomas is the type to not take no for an answer. That Thomas would have tried something anyway. He's already proven he'll try. It would be just as bad if you did invite him, you caught him trying to pull a fast one, and forced him to leave.

[@vbaudelaire7325]

Story 4 : I think OP just finally lost his cool when his parents triggered him by insisted on inviting Thomas after everything OP had to endure, ex-wife cheated on him, parents play favoritism, trying to look good in front of big family for parents' sake. I mean, if Thomas were sane enough to refrain himself from seducing OP's ex-wife everything would never happened right? If ex-wife were initially not loyal, at least it could be someone else instead of Thomas, it was both parties' fault and OP just didn't want his guests feel tensed by throwing that joke+doxxing Thomas on his wedding day, wife also seemed fine with that. 3.5 is too harsh for me, I'd say probably 1 for OP, 3.5 for the parents, and 4 for Thomas.

[@tomlynmathewsjr7514]

Disagree on the parents. There are somethings that are just not forgivable, and they make it sound like Thomas breaking up a marriage is a small mistake. I don't just give them a 5/5. They break the scale and get 10/5. I'd go full no contact once they tried to sneak him into the wedding, behind OP's back no less.

[@Swnsasy]

The Wedding story FURTHER UPDATE AFTER THIS ONE .. Omgosh, the UPDATE: UPDATE is CHEFS KISS!! Oh man OP and the other brother, what they did was brilliant... They were right! She didn't want those two in the wedding and this is all they did to make them want to drop out.. They then tried to set OP up but she saw it coming a mile away! She did it with such perfection it's the best!! If you want to know what happened and cannot find the REDDIT page, let me know and I'll spill it because it's juicy! 😎

[@madambutterfly1997]

NTA, the color coordination of the wedding is one of the first things you do. In the fact that you were kept out of the loop is sheer incompetence on their part.

[@JosieJOK]

Not incompetence, malice. It didn’t just happen because they were disorganized, it was a coordinated plan-on many people’s parts-to keep this information away from the sister. The other sister (bride’s friend) was in on it, also the MOH, and either they kept the mother out of the loop on the dress color so she couldn’t tell the OP, or she was in on it, too. Slashy didn’t get the final edit: OP found out the color through the dress shop (it was actually more of a slate color), and trolled the bride, MOH and evil sister into thinking that she bought the mulberry dress. The bride then said “oh, I guess you can’t be in the wedding, then,” and then OP whipped out the correct color dress. She could tell from their reaction that they’d been hoping to sideline her. Plus, she and the gay brother found out that they hadn’t been assigned seats and food hadn’t been ordered for them, so clearly, the wedding clique *was* trying to sideline both of them. Backfired beautifully!

[@madambutterfly1997]

@@JosieJOK I don’t get why they did all of us to begin with. Hopefully OP and her gay brother cut SIL and their brother out. Cus he chose to sit there and let his wife and her family do that to them

[@JosieJOK]

@@madambutterfly1997 I don’t, either, aside from some people liking to play petty games, I guess! I don’t remember how it ended up-I think the groom ended up coming back from the honeymoon alone. So he might have ditched the bride!

[@angryturtle8687]

Rslash constantly changing stories and people's lived experiences. This has been pointed out before that Dabney is extremely biased towards women in stories, even in some abuse stories where the woman is the abuser which is shocking you would try to defend those actions by any person regardless of gender. I thought 4 and 5 out of 5 butt hole scores were saved for child abusers and murderers not men who Dabney personally believes 'insulted' or 'dierespected' the WAMEN.

[@VoodooBrew]

That "wow I didn't know that's how much it cost to raise a kid nowadays" sounded like genuine pain

[@amberhynes1131]

Amy didn't even know Annie's late mother. There was absolutely no reason for Amy to have the necklace.

[@dimsufferer9951]

But she *wanted iiiiit*! /s Clearly the dad never gave a shit about his child

[@gemrock]

The second story has update and it was a big blow up. Basically the bride didn't actually want op or the brother in the wedding so she tried to make it look like they wanted to drop out. Even after they showed up they had set the brother and sister seats far away from the brother and his bride. The brother was even angry at the venue for messing up so bad. But when op told them what happened the bride and now ex husband had huge fight during the honeymoon and he came back early alone . Sounds like she was only marrying him to stay close to his mom and other sister who came up with this scheme to make op and her gay brother look like they were trying to ruin the marriage so he would cut them off and join their close-knit Circle of mean girl and guys.

[@gemrock]

Also op set them up by going to the bridesmaid dress shop and bought 2 dresses one that was wrong and one that was right. She sent the wrong dress pictures to the sister yes that's fine day of the wedding the bride threw a fit over the color tried banning her from the party until magical she had the perfect dress.

[@drako8343]

Wow

[@gemrock]

Worse thing was op had all the text on her phone saved so the bride sister dug themselves in a big hole and even the mother knew of the plan and approved it 😒.

[@EndellionQT]

Bullet. Dodged.

[@thesexysanghieli7818]

In the last story, I disagree with OP's score. I understand how it can be interpreted the way you took it, but for someone to steal someone else's partner that initial person has to get close and plant seeds of disloyalty in the partner, assuming the partner is a faithful person. If someone is getting married, a good 8/10 times they know they're staying with their spouse and don't even think about that, hence the getting close with them and planting the seeds. What OP did is protect his wife from someone who has shown they have the capability and will to do just that by denying him the chance to do it again, not throw his wife under the bus as a suspected cheater

[@TheFilmguy450]

In that last story, you are clearly wrong. It is obvious OP was making a joke to get his point across.

[@Arkryal]

RE: Wedding I would have skipped the whole thing and just mailed their gift... a $500 gift-certificate to a local divorce attorney. You know, something the couple will actually be able to use. Beats the fuck out of a silver gravy-boat, lol. Years ago, I worked in a print shop. I dealt with a lot of brides ordering invitations, table placards, etc. I'd say, conservatively, about 20% of brides deliberately self-sabotage their wedding. They have to be aware they're doing it, they can't be as oblivious as they pretend to be. They want the sympathy of a wedding calamity more than the wedding itself. They seek the comfort of victim status... they tried so hard but nobody else would do their part. We all know people like this, but it boggles the mind that some people actually marry them. If you look forward to complaining about your own wedding, don't have one, you're not adult enough for it yet, and you have missed the point entirely.

[@E_P_O_N_A_S]

God the first story reminds me of when my gran died. I was close to her for awhile until I realised how abusive she was to her kids but I never said anything. Once I was 12ish she died and her belongings were meant to go to her kids and her last living sister but that never happened. Her boyfriend’s daughter pretended to be my mother, took the inheritance money and all her belongings and sold most of them. I was meant to have my gran’s wedding ring and my favourite brooch she said she would give me. The ring hurt the most as it was passed down in the family.

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

That is fraud & can/should be prosecuted.

[@E_P_O_N_A_S]

@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 oh ye I know, but we never prosecuted her. We should have though

[@erlantoktomambetov7907]

Dress story: Bride and bridesmaids intentionally were messing with OP. Her brother learned about this during wedding and he returned earlier from their honeymoon alone.

[@auberginebear]

Story 3: NTA; OP's mother blocking her is probably for the best, going NC with family like that is always a positive.

[@12XFixer]

I'm not very good at reading social cues, so I read a few comments to see if anyone saw it the way I did. In that last story, I feel like it was a poorly worded joke and not a dig at his wife. I think that he never implied a disrespectful tone in his words, or at least not directed to his wife.

[@TFTN_official]

Story 1: so it’s okay for O.P’s husband to favour his new daughter over his own daughter but it’s not okay for O.P to “shame” her husband?! No that’s uncool.

[@JCF2050]

Last Story: OP is NTA. He doesn't want his brother to try again with his new wife.

[@AMASTA5]

Rslash...really? In what way did the last OP imply his wife is a cheater? He didn't, he implied his brother is a terrible person. I at least hope you stretched before that reach, because that'll cause one hell of a pulled muscle.

[@minial0015]

If you read what said he literally did imply just that

[@AMASTA5]

@@minial0015 He didn't, but okay

[@HoneyMellowBee]

Third story- child support is based of of the other parents income. I can be higher or lower then $430. Op and his mom should have went to court for the lose of child support since it's illegal to stop paying CS.

[@threegsgaming6959]

Final story: I actually agree with RSLASH. The parents and Thomas absolutely suck, yes, but OP messed up his and his wife’s wedding just to be petty. His wife probably feels so awkward and so upset that the supposed best day of her life was used to shame her brother in law. There’s a time and a place to be petty, and a wedding is NOT one of them. OP should’ve let the family know the reason BEFORE the wedding, or even after.

[@blade5521]

Yeah. If people kept asking MAYBE make a small announcement that the brother wasn't there, but there's no indication that anyone even asked where the brother was.

[@GiordanDiodato]

nah OP didn't mess up.

[@shawnpaul1052]

I violently disagreed with R/slash. OP is not the butt hole Period. R/slash, you are a very sheltered guy I can tell. The situation with Thomas and the parents is a enigma, he was making a joke at Thomas‘s expanse. I don’t He actually think his wife’s a slut. This is example of dark humor. Yeah no, you are dead wrong in this scenario R Slash.

[@sunmal1599]

Last story; U are literally assuming EVERY reason why “he is am asshole”. U dont know the exact words he said, u dont even know id the bride was aware/okay with that. You cant just create a imaginary scenario out of nowhere to label someone as an asshole lmao

[@ismae-rienne4991]

My sister's dad let alcohol run his life, which included missing child support payments. SHE WAS 26 WHEN HE FINALLY FINISHED REPAYING THEM ALL. He also left the bottle, is back in her life, is a great guy now, and a wonderful grandfather to my niece and nephew.

[@hentaigustav92]

Good on him for recovering and freeing himself from his addiction :)

[@ismae-rienne4991]

@@hentaigustav92 I give him a lot of credit. He really turned his life around. He and his wife even divorced because she was making his goal to change impossible. (She also remarried within a year.)

[@viatheanimator]

the update to the dress story is interesting. OP decided to order ALL of the three possible dress colors she'd been given and kept the receipts to them all so she could return them. she showed up to the rehearsal dinner and showed the bride the mulberry dress and the bride freaked out, "noo that's the wrong color, aw man, you can't wear that, the correct color is LILAC not MULBERRY, guess you can't be in the wedding," etc. OP pretended to be sympathetic and said "it's okay, i think i'll be able to get lilac." she then showed up with the lilac dress and the bride was so shocked. on the wedding day it was clear the bride NEVER INTENDED for OP to be in the wedding party -- she had to ask the makeup artist to include OP as a bridesmaid and do her makeup, she had to get an extra chair for OP at the bridesmaid table, and she had to redirect OP's food order because she had already made a seat for OP somewhere else. basically, the bride invited OP as a bridesmaid out of curtesy or whatever but then just tried to slowly kick her out of the party, never intending her to be apart of it. same with the non-groom brother.

[@DrunkSamurai]

Rslash was completely wrong on the last story.

[@featherflight8446]

Story 3: NTA. OP’s dad stopped paying child support because he tried too late to build a relationship and decided to be childish and petty when it understandably failed. Maybe stepmom and her kids should care a little bit more about that since OP’s mom has a case against him that she can and should pursue since that could put them in serious debt if he ends up having to pay all the payments in one lump sum.

[@PotterBrony82]

Maybe if he said “I was worried my brother would TRY to steal my new wife like he did the ex” it might have been better? Sure, it takes two to cheat and if OP has faith in his new wife he should have nothing to worry about even if the brother tried anything, but I wouldn’t want him there either. All the same, OP could have phrased it better, yeah.

[@bkjay20]

I bet he also thought his first wife was loyal until she cheated. How many people thought there partners were “loyal”, and were betrayed? It was a joke and that was clear RSLASH took it too personally.

[@oceanspace7671]

for the last story, he said it while angry which means he probably wasn't thinking of what he was going to say. He knew he was going to tell people, but after what his parents tried to pull he got pissed. I dont believe he actually thinks his new wife will cheat on him, he was just trying to get the message out.

[@mr.scarlo2234]

I hope that everyone is having a good Tuesday!

[@thatdumbguy2621]

Cool, thanks!

[@mirrpaidfr]

Mine is amazing I hope u have a terrific Tuesday

[@phoenixthings]

It’s Tuesday??

[@FrootOG]

My Tuesday is not going great so far… but hopefully it will get better soon!

[@RavioliRamen]

No u

[@jennifersmith-clark6418]

1st story. If I was the daughter I'd never speak to the dad for the rest of my life. As for the OP I'd think differently about my husband if I actually kept him.

[@TheFlamingoBird]

I always enjoy when you post a AITA. Your one of the best Reddit readers, which isn’t that hard when most of your competitors are bots, but still your content helps me calm down in stressful situations.

[@spydersoup8447]

Last story: OP didn't actually imply that his new or old wife were sluts or anything and he was saying it in a jokey way. His new wife is on OP's side with this and is saying that she's glad that he finally got his parents off his back about this, she wasn't even insulted about it, she was glad to see her new husband finally stand up for himself for what he's went through. However, the part about the story I found disgusting is OP's parents' favouritism towards his brother. You'd think they would punish OP's brother for stealing OP's wife, but nope, they instead kept it a hidden because they want to maintain his reputation. It's stupid.

[@JerziTBoss]

The second story at that point I would say fuck it and either order random purple dress or just not go there at all... People there will be toxic anyway so it's not like OP will have any winning situation here. Edit: OP can also wear pure black dress to the wedding too. Last story I pretty much agree with rSlash. If you want to shame your sibling in front of everyone during wedding ceremon like that you do you but yeah I kinda agree that saying "I was worried that he would steal my now wife as the last one" says A) You are so insecure about your relationship with your wife that you won't allow anybody who might be flirty with her around her so she doesn't leave your ass and B) that you don't trust your wife to stay loyal when somebody is flirty with her.

[@finalbossgamer5481]

Last Story: He wasn't implying that his now wife was a cheater. He was saying that in a joking way. He said it as a comedic way to out his brother. Also, his family deserved to know what his brother did.

[@matthewfranks2198]

Last story, yeah, I’m on the Groom’s side on this! His brother sleeping with his wife is the ultimate backstab. I don’t care what you say, RSlash, the OP is NOT the @$$hole.

[@Threadnaught]

Story 1: NTA. He gets no leniency 5/5. Story 2: NTA, it seems unintentional on the bride's part, but there's no accommodations being made. 3/5 for everyone else. They're obviously trying to exclude OP and make her feel guilty for it. Story 3: NTA, that fact that OP was blocked means she knew she and her children had cancer. And that OP's father was it. Story 4: NTA, Thomas is clearly the favourite and if he murdered OP in front of his parents, they'd be angry at OP while disposing of his corpse.

[@skunkrat01]

The last story is the story of a hurt man acting out in a way that I think he'll regret later. Like years later, when looking back, he'll realise it was a mistake. He should have just focused on the happy day. On the other hand, the parents definitely forced his hand. If he hadn't found out, all he would remember would be that sour note at his wedding.

[@bri9218]

If OPs mom was to sue his dad for the child support he would have to pay the missing support as well as back pay, (which is like interest) so he would be paying a lot of money.

[@reesepalmerton123]

Thriving off of my morning RSlash

[@VicGeorge2K6]

In the second story, OP's dilemma (as well as the bride's) would have been solved much sooner if the bride was upfront and more communicative in a timely manner about what color she wanted the bridesmaids' dresses to be to OP instead of hemming and hawing and keeping OP in the dark about it until the very last minute. If OP shows up in white, then that's on the bride, NOT the OP.

[@bhuddatwerks]

You're reaching so much for that last story. I never got the impression he was saying his wife was a cheater - just his brother. You're the one insisting he's saying his wife is a cheater too. And he stated at the end his wife didn't care - she made her own comment about it.

[@st4rpt_603]

On the last story, I don't think he was trying to insult his now wife, it was more a jab on his brother on the fact he would dare to even try to sleep with his own brother's wife and that he could possibly try to do it again.