r/Relationships My Husband is Cheating with Multiple Girls

[@silverflight01]

Story 3: Uh…are we sure we're not just talking to a 4-Year Old in a woman's body? She has a "Spoiled Princess" attitude and made the entire trip, that was on OP's birthday mind you, about her. And the BF is backing her up, the disrespectful and spoiled arsehole, instead of OP, who was miserable the entire trip? Nah, that mom needs to go

[@jaggedlittlepearl8635]

Yep just ditched that mother, ditch that boyfriend, ditch that whole family. Also the mother is divorced, gee I wonder why?

[@tonyroca5383]

@@jaggedlittlepearl8635 I don’t think so. I think it’s best for the OP to ditch that family entirely

[@hippie1252]

OP may be princess but mom is queen. That's the way it'll be forever. She should choose herself now and break up.

[@ramenbomberdeluxe4958]

I feel like the boyfriend has been thoroughly whipped at this point. He must have had zero backbone after years of abuse and in a way, I pity him. Still, he should have spoken up, and op deserves better

[@abiean222]

i think OP should break up with her BF and also explain to him why she's breaking up with him so hopefully in the future he doesn't make the same mistakes.

[@byereality7492]

I grew up Mormon, and there is a huge cultural emphasis on biological family, on forgiveness, and also there is a constant lack of education on abuse. When i cut off my abusive sibling, i was told i was "rippinf apart the family" and "families are forever, so you need to make amends". There's also a phrase of "hardening your heart" which is almost always applied to anyone setting a boundary as not being christ like or loving enough. I'm confident the wife has never had these ideas challenged before, and now she's damaged the closest relationship in her life

[@malachieclipse9507]

Yeah and unfortunately the standard was set by mormons who probably shouldn’t have been forgiven, its unfortunate that many cant understand that having someone like that in your life invites chaos and havoc and cant ruin your mental state

[@SamWeltzin]

The thing about that is that she wasn't necessarily wrong in her heart, but she went about it in exactly the wrong way. It's up to the wronged person to forgive; it's not something you can force onto them. If she really wanted to try to get her husband to try again with his mother (very, very unlikely, and for good reason), she should have convinced HIM first. Springing the abuser onto a wounded victim with no warning is the exact opposite way to go about this delicate process. If there were ever a chance for the mother to somehow make amends (again, not likely she actually had any intention of admitting fault and trying to make up for it), it's gone now. It's over.

[@BeeWhistler]

@@SamWeltzinI blame individuals for that kind of thing. I’ve always been taught, and even heard in General Conference, that we should forgive others but not put ourselves in a position to be continually abused by someone. I teach my kids the same. Forgiveness is good for you, but what’s bad for you is letting someone keep hurting you. If family is so important, then they need to treat you right and stand up for you instead of blaming the victim. The abuser is the one tearing the family apart. Shoot, I don’t even talk to my brothers just because they’re Trump supporters (and I just don’t understand how any Christian can support someone like that), and my mom is on my side! So I’m very sorry you’ve got the the kind of family who lack self-awareness (hypocritical might be a better term). Forgiving doesn’t always mean forgetting, and it shouldn’t when it means you’re gonna get hurt again. And I’m tired of people using my faith, which preaches loving one another, to try and emotionally blackmail others while ignoring their pain. Honestly, too many families pull this nonsense… but them using doctrine to back up their toxicity pisses me off. Oh, and on the original topic, his wife was a twit. Not sure how hard it is to hear, “She hurt me again and again,” and recognize maybe she should be avoided in the future.

[@SamWeltzin]

@@BeeWhistler Oh, I think you misunderstood my position. I think it's good to be able to forgive, but the onus is on the victimizer to make the first step, and it has to be genuine. Then it is entirely on the victim to decide if that's enough or not. I'm lucky enough to actually have a good, loving family.

[@joshuanielsen454]

I'm an ex-mormon as well and I've had to train my brain to accept what's "Normal" for most people. I'm a firm atheist now, far removed from what I once was because I felt like I was not accomplishing anything in my life just going to the same church and meetings every single day. Relationships are hard for me because I live in a heavily Mormon area and I have a lot of bad memories that will take years to forget, if I can that is.

[@Rj-ij6ko]

It’s actually insane how much of an asshole the bf in that 3rd story is. Gf says “no” to Japan, takes her anyway. Gf says she doesn’t want his mother to come…brings her anyway. The mother constantly screams and disrespects Op…he does nothing. And the worst part of all of this, is this entire trip WAS OP’S BIRTHDAY. This dude is such a loser it’s crazy.

[@lllinai]

He can date his mommy then. No backbone at all. I wouldn’t let my mother disrespect a stranger let alone someone I’m supposed to love and protect.

[@dx1450]

The part which clinched it was when he said he always puts his mother first, before his girlfriend. She needs to believe him, he's a total mama's boy.

[@Woofshot]

yes we read it too lol

[@Woofshot]

yes we read it too lol

[@natanoj16]

Saw story 2 elsewhere and it still doesn't make me any less pissed on the wifes actions... She did it in her best belief BUT that doesn't change the fact that she stepped over all lines and ignored all the terrible actions.

[@elliemccully6963]

She chose to purposely decide to ignore her husbands boundaries and felt like she was holier then thou for trying to make something happen and not understanding her husbands refusal to ever want contact with his biological mother. if OP leaves his wife she deserves it

[@alexandriav3956]

This one pissed me off so much. Like, how hard is it to respect the ONE serious boundary your partner has explicitly put in place?? I would seriously consider divorce if I was in a similar situation but my husband and I respect each others boundaries and I would never in a million years do something so horrendous to him.

[@malpal]

Am I going crazy or has he already read it? I swear he has

[@It-is-me...Melsie]

She's like the biggest betrayer in all of the stories. As someone with a similar sounding mum who had the same no contact I just can't imagine how I'd feel to be betrayed so badly.

[@zerofate9669]

She not only violated your boundaries, but she literally invites your abuser back into your life. Abusers don't deserve forgiveness. She was only there for money most likely.

[@JB-ew6pi]

Story 2: OP: “My mother has been abusive to me all my life and I want nothing to do with her for the rest of it.” Wife: “Well I know better, so I’m gonna have them meet to make amends.” Yeah, there is NO coming back from this. Period.

[@GabrielleTollerson]

yeah that was straight up disrespectful and it was absolutely sickening for her to pull that shet!

[@dx1450]

Yes, if she really wanted to patch things up between them, then the thing to do would be to approach OP about possibly reestablishing the relationship, and leave it in his court. But obviously, if he went NC and said that's the one thing you can't do, he's not interested. Inviting the abusive mother to make contact unexpectedly was not the right way to go.

[@lunaraindrop]

I have a gut feeling that OP's husband from the 1st story wanted her to homeschool the children so she would be busy, with the children all day, and purposely not let her have financial independence, so he can cheat and not have her not know or be able to leave him. Girl, follow the advice. Get tested. Put half of the money into your own account. Find a job. Get Legal Aid and get custody of the kids.

[@darkunykorn404]

Oh, absolutely. Plus, she'd be too tired and busy to notice if he's gone often or not as attentive.

[@PyroRoadScout]

I'm no expert, but I think OP could try to get the house in some kind of settlement; since they're not actually married and she doesn't contribute to income idk if she could just take half the money and keep it separated, but I do think she could have a lawyer argue that she's more in need of the house. They share ownership of house so off the bat she has the right to stay there, and while neither of them has particularly good credit, OP's bf has an actual income while OP has been unemployed for 5 years. This fact alone means OP will likely have a hard time finding a job to support herself and her kids, not to mention an apartment with enough space. Meanwhile the bf already has a steady income, so even without good credit, it's a lot more feasible for him to get an apartment than OP

[@Ikajo]

This is classic abuse. OPs husband isolated her and made her financially dependent on him.

[@stevenandcarminabeedle9089]

💯

[@krystalgardiner5591]

I’m currently in the same situation as OP, it’s horrible. I stayed way to long after he cheated on me both pregnancies (never confirmed physical cheating but emotional cheating and he threatened me to sleep with someone else bc I was on bedrest) it literally mentally broke me down staying with him. Finally getting my ducks in a row to go. I wish her luck bc it’s a huge hill to climb.

[@semitypicalmama]

For the last story, I think the wife should dump the husband but keep the girlfriend

[@Vincent_Beers]

Or ask for her own date nights individually with both of them. That's an easy relationship to fix if she would just ask for what she wants. He even told her Harper gets time because she asked. And her time with Harper would leave him out. Poly relationship requires work and awareness of pheromone response. Physical contact and intimacy alter chemical response and emotional health. Not everyone fully realizes this, and it's what makes drifting apart so easy if you don't actively cultivate keeping it.

[@bryn1063]

@@Vincent_Beers it's clear he loves harper more than her tho and shes not okay with it. This isn't an easy fix because thats not the real problem. It's just an excuse he made up so he can cover his bum.

[@taliabutton1593]

Harper is not OP's girlfriend, she's her friend. This is not a throuple, but it is one of the ways how to do polyamory.

[@darkwarriorprogram6546]

Honestly she's putting more effort into OP's kids than the husband from the sounds of it.

[@jackchop1576]

LESBIAN POWER! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 2: I think the smart thing to do is to give yourself space from her for a little bit. Even if she did think you could patch thing up, this had to have been the absolute worst way to do it. Like invite them both out to coffee or dinner not at your house, the only thing worse than telling an abuser wear their victim works is telling them where they live. Your wife thought she knew better than you about someone she never met and it blew up in her face , if she's upset you don't want to spend Christmas with her she has no one to blame but herself.

[@SonjaUnapologetic]

Story 3: When your instincts tell you not to travel with someone, listen to them. It’s such a nightmare being on a trip with a difficult person. All the time and money spent preparing for a trip for it to be ruined. Very frustrating. And it was OP’s birthday. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Story 4: That was a horrible idea to bring Harper into their marriage. If the marriage is over, it’s over. It sounds like the only thing he wants OP for is the housework and child rearing. I’m sure the only reason he doesn’t want a divorce is because he doesn’t want to pay child support and alimony. He’s done with OP and always wanted to be with Harper. OP needs to move on.

[@ZanoxisStreaming]

1st story: op should stay with him. Not forgive or anything like that. Pretend to not know, start earning some side income he doesn't know about, she's home all day and he's not aware she knows. If she can last long enough to get an income of some kind, it'll be easier to split.

[@Monasaurus_Rex]

Definitely, she needs to take advantage of the time without him to make money and get herself an appartment

[@plsguidemethroughtheabyssmona]

Yeah, i hope someone reassure op of something like this. I know it wont be easy parting herself emotionally, but she already knows and time will help her detach. I read about a story of open marriage, hubby keeps girls and op being smart, happily lives off of husband and knows her place of not loving him anymore and her financial dependence on him. I hope op sees a silver lining like that

[@blizzardgaming7070]

​@@Monasaurus_Rexnot to mention delete all of her nudes off his phone

[@sarahhunter1114]

I agree. R/ just recently did one where the wife just created a happy life for herself, while staying with the cheater. I would avoid sex, but damn if someone else is going to live in my home, and be with my kids. I say that now…😜

[@fdm2155]

Yep. OP needs a plan and a timeline. If they barely have any savings, even taking half isn't going to get her very far. She needs to get those kids in school or find work she can do from home to earn some income. Obviously husband assumes she is trapped because she has zero resources. ETA: I think sticking around long term can work out if there is a solid financial base but that doesn't seem to be the case here. And the guy is clearly hogging all the resources. OP probably doesn't even know how much he makes monthly...

[@danielbrant6740]

*1st Story:* It wouldn't surprise me that the 'boyfriend' insisted on the kids being homeschooled as a form of control over OP. So not only is this guy a cheater, but he's also one bad day away from becoming a wife-beater. OP needs to take the kids and _RUN!_

[@cherylsorrell74]

Wow where does he even get the energy to juggle that many women at once! Poor Op having to deal with all that 😞

[@cherylsorrell74]

Also, RSlash's judgment is on point for the first story!

[@ChristopherBurtraw]

Right? I could never cheat if for no other reason than the sheer exhaustion of dealing with multiple people.

[@Chuckf66]

I get exhausted just coping with my own life, let alone with a partner. How the fuck do these people have the energy to life multiple lives???

[@threecards333]

​@@Chuckf66I am 31, and aside from a couple months this summer, i have been constantly single. A) how does he have the energy, B) how does a low life find so many partners, C) why does someone who has a family blow it up for hedonism?

[@fdm2155]

@@threecards333 Especially someone who had his own family destroyed by a cheating dad...?

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Last story: you know you don't have to stay in this relationship where your husband basically just wanted to cheat with permission. And you don't have to pay Harper because your husband's an asshole, or like R/ said in Vogue your right to the open relationship and find yourself a man that will treat you like you deserve.

[@dontannoymeat]

The sad part is that Filipino culture does tend to be this toxic and I’ve seen it through many friends. No matter how toxic their family is they put them first and are brainwashed to think it’s normal and defend their family. I feel for you OP

[@yurikim4503]

yeah i have two Filipino background friend who both cut ties with their parents because they are so toxic to their spouses. OP's (hopefully ex) bf is the asshole idiot.

[@tricktrade6767]

Petition for rslash to make a video re reading his favorite stories of the year

[@rhondah.1478]

And call it Best of rSlash!

[@downrivdude5537]

rSlash yearly recap

[@nodrugshere300]

rSlash ReSlash best of the year.

[@thebaldnerd1989]

Best stories WITH updates

[@soundlessroom]

Bonus if they got an update in the meanwhile

[@kstricl]

Every time i hear "Open relationship" from this sub, it's always "i don't want to hide my cheating so I'm going to bully my partner into this."

[@rochie4865]

I agree. It's almost triggering for me since my bf was trying to do the same to me after I caught him cheating. If I dump him he will probably be homeless so I gave him one more chance to drop those other women and drop the whole idea because otherwise he's out in the cold. The audacity.

[@CallmeLJ700]

​@rochellec5305 i get financially speaking its a bad idea to break up with him but if i was you id cut off all emotional aspects to make it easier

[@GabrielleTollerson]

that's why open relationships are not real relationships and should NOT be treated as such. This shit happenes every time and people who claim open relations or "poly relationships" work are delusional and in denial

[@littlesongbird1]

@@rochie4865 I would have just dumped him. The girl or one of the girls he was cheating on you with can financially support him but don't be shocked if you later learn that he was lying about you to her (ie telling her he was supporting you, etc. ).

[@kstricl]

@@GabrielleTollerson I used to suffer through my wife watching "Sister Wives." We dropped all regular TV for a couple years, but recently got it free with our internet so why not? Once in a while it comes on and, surprise, surprise, the "Marriages" have imploded and it's just interviews about how screwed up they are now.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 3: Yes dump his mama's boy ass. He forces you to go on a trip you didn't want to go on for your birthday, in the whole time you have to deal with this small child in a grown woman body because he can't go on any trips without his mommy. She was nothing but rude to you and he didn't do a damn thing to stop it, his mom is terrible but it's his fault all of this happened. Cut your losses and let him know you're not interested in going to his and his mom's wedding.

[@rhondah.1478]

2nd story - OP: I don't want anything to do with my bio mom, don't contact her ever. OP's wife: proceeds to reach out to bio mom. 3rd story: OP has a boyfriend problem. He even admits to putting his mom before her, that's never going to change unless he wants it to change. Him not defending her after his mom blew up at her on the plane would be the last straw.

[@ladykimiko1]

"THEN YOOOUUUUUU DO IT! " Should be on a t-shirt! I want.

[@It-is-me...Melsie]

Actually that would be really good!

[@dianaquill9969]

Second story wife needs to learn the difference between forgiveness and staying away from an abuser. Idk if it's too late, but she sounds like she's completely naive at best, and thinks that people will change after harming a child who could only fight back by leaving after years of abuse.

[@silverflight01]

Story 1: Ironic how a man who talks about how he hates cheaters, turns out to be cheating as well. Sounds like he hates himself too. But why even cheat this much? Could it have something to do with his father being a womanizer?

[@SteviiLove]

He was projecting whenever he made those comments. I know a dude who is the same; mom cheated on dad and got pregnant, dad was nice enough to make it work only for her to keep cheating. Guy says "I don't want to be a homewrecker like my mom" while actively cheating on his girlfriend who was in college to become a marine biologist and beautiful AF. Dude was living in a home her parents provided and brought multiple side pieces over. They broke up when she came home early and discovered her boyfriend balls deep in a girl younger than me. He ended up getting into another relationship after her, getting the girl pregnant and then cheated on her too. Now he's with my cousin who is the perfect match for him!

[@DianaWanMa]

I have seen many people like this… is like they say what you want to hear

[@Diamondr11Blue]

@@SteviiLove the cousins a cheater too? Man where's the loyalty ?

[@plsguidemethroughtheabyssmona]

@@SteviiLove perfect match? You mean cousin's a cheater too? Thats nice

[@GabrielleTollerson]

EXACTLY!! Many of my exes had this dipshaet behavior

[@breezy3392]

Story 3: The mom sounds like a spoiled 14 year old brat. And like she wants to be her son's girlfriend. OP, get out of there. The guy is not worth the monster mom. Actually, he's not worth much himself if he allows that mistreatment.

[@pumpkinpatch2203]

Last story: Sounds more like a throuble than an open relationship. So not sure if OP can just bring another man into it

[@Bleg94]

I think so too, it is not that "Harper is part of their marriage" but "The husband is in a relationship with harper, while married to OP and has his harem-members be friends with each other"

[@littlesongbird1]

@@Bleg94 Yep would love an update where op meets a man she starts to see her loves her and her kids and her hubby gets pissed of so she lives him for the other guy.

[@bryn1063]

seems unfair that ops husband can basically beg for this and get it but the moment op wants something like that back it's cheating. I get that they're both getting something from harper but they can also both get something out of another person and she actually be that other persons priority because clearly here, shes not.

[@maapauu4282]

​@@littlesongbird1Well, he would actually have a reason to be annoyed. The marriage is still closed

[@Othomqcpwr]

Last story: Opening a relationship that was previously closed is just asking permission to cheat

[@shanaerichards2130]

It’s not cheating if you’re in an open relationship with set boundaries which boundaries seems like what OP needs to establish

[@the3nder1]

And most of the time they already have cheated and just don't want to feel guilty about it.

[@KillerOstrich]

​@@shanaerichards2130it is cheating if a closed relationship becomes open from one side begging for it. You missed the point of what the person said completely

[@curtisalex456]

@@shanaerichards2130 This isn't an open relationship. This is "polygamy" and OP is not happy with being second place.

[@LunaP1]

OP should just divorce her narcissistic husband and marry Harper.

[@franciscojaviermendezrinco1902]

Third story: OP either forces the possible ex boyfriend to grow a spine against his toxic, entitled and narcisistic mother or he walks the plank so he can deal with the demon that gave birth to him alone.

[@BiancaWeatherlight]

For that second story, it's a perfect example of the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Rather than trusting OP's personal experience and respecting the one boundary he set for her, she soldiered forth with her misguided, if well meaning, beliefs. If she had any modicum of empathy for her partner, she would have left this well enough alone. There are many things on this earth that are forgivable, but it is up to the people affected by those negative actions wether or not to give it. If OP truly wanting to forgive his mother, he'd reach out on his own. His wife's interference did nothing but open old wounds. I'd be disappointed, hurt and angry at her too.

[@thalianox2492]

The last story: Maybe OP should dump the husband and and marry Harper XD

[@Alakaizer]

Exactly what I was thinking.

[@davidwatson6202]

This sounds like Harper cares more about her than her husband.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Your wife is such a disgusting person. To violate your spouse's boundaries simply because of your personal belief in second chances for the most vile of people is abominable

[@thebestscientificmethod9304]

​@@MrNoNameHerehe's talking about the second story I think

[@rezausmani5494]

Damn who hurt you

[@madambutterfly1997]

@@_JiminyCricket_ plus I would have said RSlash in my comment

[@morgandouglas6014]

No matter how well-intentioned she may have been, she still overstepped OP’s boundaries and she has proven that she can’t be trusted. She should’ve at least communicated with him before hand and asked for permission. His mom knows where he works now. In any case, I think OP needs to ask this woman for a divorce.

[@adriangonzaloz2424]

I just gotta say it, us "mormons" don't act like her lol. That's her personal belief...

[@DeepSlumber]

last story: I don't think its an open relationship, it's a poly relationship. That's why both OP and her husband are doing things with Harper from what I understood. There isn't just "getting a new guy" - poly relationships need to be between everyone - there CAN be an agreement to have separate partners but even then it has to be fully with consent and tbh OP should suggest another person just for herself. Tho she seems to really love her husband still :/

[@randigaleandtk]

The whole thing is an excuse to cheat. Simple as that.

[@elisab.2398]

no, poly relationships are not where everyone's involved. That's false. Poly just means that you are free to form multiple loving relationship withtin whatever boundaries you have set for yourself. Open marriages are usually just about sex.

[@PyroRoadScout]

@@elisab.2398 Yeah, but the fact that the husband admitted to loving Harper and OP didn't seem bothered by that, I'd say they're in a poly relationship without fully realizing it. Like, I think OP and her husband confused open relationship w/ poly ones, because it sounds like Harper was brought into the relationship as a third and not as a casual sex partner, like you'd see in an open relationship. In which case, there is massive amount of under-communication/miscommunication because it doesn't seem like they're all three on the same page. From the way it's worded I really didn't get the sense that OP was opposed to this style of relationship, just that she was feeling ignored/neglected, which can happen in a poly relationship w/ poor communication. I really hope they can work things out, because healthy, communicative poly relationships are awesome

[@elisab.2398]

@@PyroRoadScout Definitely. It sounded to me like the husband was getting a bit carried away with the NRE of it all and as such forgetting to maintain what he had with his wife.

[@DeepSlumber]

@@elisab.2398 Yes that's exactly why I said that OP cant just get another man involved bc it sounds like they have boundaries set that theyre both involved with the person thy bring into the relationship. While in an open relationship she could just get a separate sex partner if she wanted to

[@dracko158]

Husband: "I hate cheaters!" Also Husband: **Cheats with Multiple girls** If that isn't irony, I don't know what is.

[@rochie4865]

More like hypocrisy

[@littlesongbird1]

Yep. When a guy or a girl tries to loudly protest something about relationships, I feel like there are being too defensive about something. I had a now ex friend who is old enough to be my father and I used to feel safe around him because he always talked about how he likes to date women his own age and makes rude remarks about cheaters and guys who date younger women. He actually tried to take advantage of me while we both drunk (forgave him because we were both drunk and he apologized later). A few times after that he would make flirty comments to me and when I would press him for reasons he would insist I misunderstood or he was drunk. A few years ago we had a falling out in part because he spent several months begging me for sex and I told him I only have sex with people I date and we were both older now so if he wanted to date me we can talk about sex. He even went so far as to say "I would give you anything you want to have sex with you" Or "You can be in my band." but told me I had to keep it private because if I told anyone he would denying know me. Hmmmm turns out he was dating someone his own age that entire time! He still tries to act like he is this kind person and when girls younger than me play in his band he is acting like a "father figure" to them.

[@kholdanstaalstorm6881]

Or poisoning the well so the wife are more hardened against any allegations of infidelity. Example: people going hard out against gay relationships, but use same sex escorts whenever able. One could say that adds to the attraction, the thrill of escaping discovery. There's a reason why there's a surge in escorts requests when opposing groups have meetings in an area.

[@danielbrant6740]

*3rd Story:* Gee, I wonder why the boyfriend's mother is divorced? 🙄

[@strikeforce1500]

2nd story: "I don't believe that you cannot forgive", LADY,THAT'S NOT ON YOU TO DECIDE, AND KNEW THAT HIS MOM WAS AN ABUSIVE DRUG ADDICT. Honestly,I would divorce her a-s frame 1 after that disrespect and destroying the trust like that

[@GabrielleTollerson]

FOR REAL

[@ChristopherBurtraw]

Part of me feels bad for the Mormon chick. OP may have told her what happened, but she grew up in such a safe and sheltered environment that OP's background is, in a way, not real to her. I think the naivety behind "everyone deserves a second chance" is very telling of her innocence. This is not excuse her behavior in any way. She's getting a big reality check.

[@amberlindsey7112]

I totally agree. I grew up in a Mormon household. Out of six of us children there's only one that is still active in the religion. My mother is very very staunch strict Mormon. But as a child I was very sheltered. But I was also rebellious and was able to see things beyond what's my little household. But I have friends that were like this that are so naive that they don't understand how things really are. If that makes sense

[@1nn1tmate]

Innocence or nah even if she didn’t understand the extent she still broke her partner’s only boundary, not surprised if there’s a divorce on the horizon for someone willing to harm her partner just to reconcile with an abuser you’ve never met

[@ChristopherBurtraw]

@@1nn1tmate I covered that as did the host. We all get it.

[@alexanderhenby1362]

I really think it depends. If his mom reached out to the wife, I feel bad for the wife. Someone like that who got a doc to give meds to a kid so she could steal them would easily steamroll OPs wife given her upbringing. (Which is what sounds like happened) If OPs wife reached out Absolutely not.

[@Raven9854]

​@@alexanderhenby1362The wife personally reached out to his mom. She's out in my book.

[@triplebasic]

OP: I have no money rSlash: take half your money.....

[@dovahkiin6488]

Yeah, guess he didn't process that

[@Haa6669]

Story 3: Tagalog is pronounced (tuh-gah-lug) As an American with a Filipina partner, Philippine families are very close, them being creepily close is not that uncommon. But Op's bf is a mama's boy, if she's already divorced, she's probably afraid of losing her children as well. And again, with the experience of having a Filipina partner, they can be temperamental and clingy.

[@littlesongbird1]

Okay..that makes sense. My bff is from the Philipines and she and her family are very close (her brother and hare both single so they split a two bedroom apartment together and their parents rent the apartment upstairs from them. I actually find it kind of sweet they are all that close.

[@Haa6669]

@@littlesongbird1 Family living together until they find partners is also common so I can totally see that.

[@littlesongbird1]

@@Haa6669 I guess it was different for me. I lived on my own since I was 18. I think it's nice when at least siblings live together till they find partners.

[@Haa6669]

@@littlesongbird1 oh whoops, I meant for Filipino families. My gf still lives with her mom while her brothers are all married and out of the house. But next year, she'll be moving in with me.

[@Dog_in_tree]

When a womam becomes a stay at home mom or housewife, she should really have her own emergency fund and retirement account. Everyone should.

[@Avalikia]

If you're in a serious relationship and your partner tells you that anyone except maybe their kid from a previous relationship comes before you, that's a dealbreaker.

[@aaronfraire9073]

Last story: OP should dump her husband and keep Harper. Harper is clearly the better partner. She always tries to include OP in activities, she loves OP's kids, and treats everyone equally. Meanwhile OP's husband displays obvious favoritism.

[@samliveshere88]

15:32 sounds like OP and harper have their own thing already, turn that up to 11, busband gets home? opps me and harper took the kids out

[@birdboi85]

Rslash unironically saying 'tag-a-log' is great

[@Juzokinnie]

As someone who lived with very ab-sive pricks (my dad's parents, one of which s-xu-lly harassed me), if I was in a relationship with someone and they told my dad's father where I was or tried to make me meet him, I would instantly break up with that partner. I will never forgive my dad's parents, especially my dad's father. There are some things that are truly unforgiveable. You do not get to invite a toxic influence into someone else's life, especially your partner's. She was told that the woman was violent and that OP wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't even ASK OP. You don't get to give out someone's private information without their consent. Thinking about something like that happening to me makes my blood boil.

[@GabrielleTollerson]

FACTS!! I hope he divorced her!

[@Stefisgarden]

Rslash, that last story is NOT an open marriage, it's a polyamorous relationship. It's not a case of husband has a wife and girlfriend but OP only has husband, it's a case of both husband AND wife have the SAME girlfriend. OP just "getting a boyfriend" without the consent of her husband and girlfriend would be cheating. It's not the same as when Harper came into the relationship, though it does seem like OP was initially pushed into it reluctantly. Open marriage and polyamory are NOT synonyms. Some poly relationships may involve open marriages, but not all of them!

[@rochie4865]

It doesn't even sound like a poly relationship. The husband is disregarding his wife and if proper boundaries were established, op wouldn't be feeling like she's losing her husband. At least Harper sounds like she knows how it's supposed to go.

[@Stefisgarden]

@@rochie4865 I didn't say it was a good or healthy poly relationship.

[@bryn1063]

@@rochie4865 i agree it just sounds like hes legally married to op but emotionally married to harper. I say leave the husband keep harper lol

[@Mr_Gabbles]

@@Stefisgardenhealthy poly is an oxymoron

[@maapauu4282]

​@@Mr_GabblesNo it isn't. Don't be so disgusting. You know people used to say this exact same thing about Polynesian people

[@MrsShocoTaco]

Story4: It sounds like the husband already had a thing for Harper, and that's why he begged his wife to include her. That way, he could introduce her to the kids, make sure everyone gets along, have his extra caricular play time, and a live in nanny/housekeeper for when he wants to take his new piece out on the town all while not pissing off his wife. Then, if Wifey gets too clingy or demanding, he can blame her for the strife, kick her to the curb, and have his preselected life already set to go.

[@adamt995]

I don't understand people that are married and bring another person into the relationship and are shocked when it doesn't work out

[@DarkEinherjar]

Stories like the first one are the reason why I'm against the idea of stay-at-home partners. It's important to always have a way out, no matter how much one trusts their partner.

[@bcatbb2896]

Story 1: you're already talking about separation, what were you expecting? the relationship was long gone and frankly, both should just go their separate ways and figure out a custody routine

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 1: is it possible to try and find some part-time work so you can save up some extra money. Keep it from them if you have to but you got to get more independent that's the first step, also depending on where you are if you're completely relying on him but have proof that he cheated on you you could be eligible to get spouse support.

[@KillerOstrich]

They arent married tho that makes things much harder. Rslash covered a story a bit ago mentioning palimony if anything i would say she could try and see if they offer that where she lives.

[@angerissues69626]

1:28 All he has to do is work 40 to 50 hours a week. Provide money to pay for water, electricity, house, cars, food, insurance, etc etc.

[@ajjamsen694]

Yooo...the first husband using the name they chose together for their first child as his Tinder aliases? Thats so creepy and unsettling. I would not use that name anymore after that 😱☠️😱

[@audreym3908]

Last story: divorce the husband, keep Harper

[@Hope_this_is_just_a_dream1994]

Whether she grew up sheltered or not, she put OPs abuser in contact with him. Someone that he explicitly told her he wanted nothing to do with Very deceitful. Karen mom story: Yeah, her boyfriend is already in a long-term relationship with his mother. That's never going to change.

[@thehogusha4342]

"It can't get any worse" Wife and OP have kids, and she secretly brings the kids to visit and possibly even be babysat by the abusive mom behind OP's back.

[@erauprcwa]

OP in the last story, what did you expect? He's made it clear that he's not interested in you. You reluctantly opened the relationship FOR HIM, not for you both. Is it shocking he doesn't respect you? As RSlash said, go find yourself a boy toy and see how long your husband wants to be with Harper.

[@Nikodymus]

Story 1. Send the kids to public school, get a job. Get your shit together, and when you have savings, leave him and do what you can to claim custody of the kids.

[@ConejitoPequenito]

I follow a (woman) poly youtuber who talks about how she hates dating straight men because they so often force their non-poly wives to go along with relationships. She prefers bi men because she thinks they're usually more open about their sexuality before entering any relationship I hope the woman in the last story finds a guy who prioritizes her, she clearly wasn't in on opening the relationship

[@bobnrobplush]

Story 2: what the wife did is absolutely appalling, but as they say, “The road to hell is paved in good intentions.” I do not believe she would ever do that again as she seemed genuinely sorry

[@sydneys207]

On the second story: fiancee grew up normal, and she can't fathom that some family isn't worth it.

[@bearjocie]

Petition to have rslash do a weekly wholesome video! I feel like hes been getting angry lately

[@Etienne.6329]

Yeah it’s getting pretty concerning

[@Hybrid301]

From the story, I think there might be a slim chance for the couple to make it through. I would highly suggest a couples counselor to mediate the way. It seems that people who have never experienced abuse, especially from a parent, just can not comprehend the horror and scars it leaves. It’s going to take a while, and could very well fail in the end, but I think it might be worth a shot. Of course, the wife cutting off all contact with the mom is the first step.

[@the3nder1]

As you said counselor is a must. This is something the wife will have to prove she understands now and OP will have to work through the anger and distrust that they will have. I definitely understand the naivety that she has but that isn't a choice you make by yourself. I could also see OP minimizing the experience because he doesn't want to hurt his wife. He needs to open up to her and tell her exactly what happened. If he already did that there probably isn't much hope for the relationship as that's a huge break of trust on her part.

[@Angelderbat]

For the last story, I think that OP should start sleeping with Harper, and then they can kick the husband out and be happy together. It seems that Harper is a better second parent to the kids and a better spouse to OP than the husband is anyway.

[@AceOfTinyGhosts]

I spent my birthday this past year with my (hopefully future) mother in law. It was wonderful and despite her not having a ton of money, she decorated her house for me and surprised me with gifts of my favorite Disney character. So sometimes, spending your birthday with your in laws can be great!

[@RisingRevengeance]

Last story is such a cliche, it always turns out that way. Open relationships can work but I've never seen it work when it's done later in a relationship.

[@Emmie-kn1mx]

It worked out in my case. 5 years ago my partner and I went poly/open at my request. It was a rough start but my partner and I have been together 10 years total now and we’ve made a lot of good friends dating other people and had a lot of fun.

[@RisingRevengeance]

@@Emmie-kn1mx Huh well then I'm happy for you, guess I was wrong.

[@danielbrant6740]

What a whiplash going from a story about a man who nuked his umbilical cord to another 'man' who's still holding onto his for dear life! 😵‍💫

[@AmsYourRave]

Story 3: OP's bf's mother is literally acting like she's married to the bf. The fact that she outright told OP that they are in competition for the bf's attention is a red flag that OP needs to wear and fly away with. Story 4: Both OP and Harper should break up with the husband and marry each other because the ladies love and treat each other so well. I'm not saying they have to be lesbians or sapphic, but OP makes it obvious they care for each other.

[@thisrandomperson1843]

I also had the feeling that there was emotional incest going on because of the OP's boyfriend being a "mommy's boy", only for that suspicion to be confirmed when the BF's mom basically said that OP was "competing for her son".(I can't count the number of times I've seen moms act like their son's girlfriend is their competition or dads treat their daughters like possessions and act possessive over the daughter's virginity)

[@miryaebonheart3943]

I have a lot of Filipino friends. This is normal behavior from what I've seen. A lot of sonsbands.

[@bella-rolland]

4th story: let go of your husband & start a new life with Harper she cares more about you than your husband

[@chrisaizen3678]

The guy said he would always put his mom above OPs feelings. Thats an automatic get out of that relationship card.

[@maygoodcometous1]

r/slash is spot on for story 1. Run OP, RUN!!

[@sparkyshore3543]

12:10 I'm immediately suspicious of this story. There's no way a flight from Japan to LAX takes five hours. Not even close. The Pacific is huge. 14 hours is more realistic. Or even ten.

[@JovanaC2211]

Last story: "If it's an open relationship, why don't you get a boyfriend and be his number 1?" At this point, why even stay married if both people are going to be focused on their new partners?

[@nadiamassimino3496]

Story 1: This is why financial independence (or at least having some sort of income of one's own) is KEY, people. When you're financially dependant on other people and they turn out to be such pieces of sh*t, this is what happens.

[@broyongroffon5514]

OP: Hey, this are my boundaries, please don't break or I'll not be happy Spouse: Ok Spouse: *breaks boundaries OP: *Is not happy Spouse: MY GOD, WHO COULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING?!?!?!

[@hermeticbear]

You're forgetting in the first story that she and the guy aren't legally married. Unless she lives in California, she has little recourse except fighting for custody of the children which is going to be hard because she has no job, income or the ability to have a residence without him.

[@oceanspace7671]

Story 3: It makes me think of the relationship with my bf rn and...geez if this happened to me I would dump him as soon as the plane hit the ground back in the states.

[@saywhaaaaat11]

I am SOBBING with how r/slash pronounced tagalog in story 3

[@nondisclosure3920]

When the husband is saying he's "going out with the boys", he's referring to his genetils

[@alexandriav3956]

OP needs to start booking up with Harper and steal her away from the husband. I would! Then again, I would never let my husband bring a 3rd party into our marriage and let him essentially get away with cheating right in front of me. He wouldn’t do that either, though.

[@mindyschocolate]

S1: that is why I will never be a SAHM and be dependent on my husband for finances. Now you’re stuck. OP better get herself a job, stick her kids in school where they belong and start saving up money to get out of dodge. Pos will likely fight child support so she needs to get a job.

[@deborahdicesare9042]

Crossed the line story: I could NEVER forgive or forget if my spouse betrayed me like that. In this particular case, it’s worse than cheating in my opinion. I wouldn’t feel safe. Plus, what is OP supposed to do now, find a new job, move away, how is OP ever going to feel safe.

[@wintereira]

For the second story I have a feeling the bio-mom manipulated and took advantage of a naive person to get to OP. Yes she crossed the one boundary but you'd think there'd be a small understanding that his mom is a crazy manipulator and how easy it would be to convince someone who didn't live it they changed.

[@Etienne.6329]

Yeah… she meant well. But didn’t understand the consequences

[@SteviiLove]

Final story; I'm sorry to say this but you will never be your husband's favorite. It may be Harper now but someone else will take her place soon enough and even if nobody does, he still won't prefer or favor you. You are better off getting your own boytoy than expecting or hoping things will ever be the same.

[@sourisvoleur4854]

"Opening a relationship" mid-stream always produces these unfortunate stories. Better to have that all sorted out before you get married. You want an open marriage? Fine, but agree on all of that up front. It seems from so many of these stories that someone who wants to open the relationship when they're already married just wants an AP that their spouse is forced to accept.

[@Razzledazzle-ux3pb]

How you gonna say to someone to take half of their money to put it away when they just told you they don't have enough, don't have family or close friends to depend on AND have three kids 😭😂😂.

[@thenarrator9204]

Story 1: While Rslash's advice seems like common sense, I would say that is terrible advice. No credit, support structures, job experience to rely on, friends, confections AND several kids?? That is paralyzing levels of uncertainty. She is way more likely to wind up homeless and destitute with no means to provide properly for those kids well before she could get govt help or child support. She really needs to plan properly her escape route and acquiring some form of independent and secure capital is the start of it.

[@thanos8077]

While I do want op to leave to divorce her husband I do agree she needs to plan this out first

[@rochie4865]

I don't understand women who don't have some sort of backup plan. Never allow yourself to be that dependent on someone. It can all blow up in your face one day as evidenced by this story.

[@Beeezledrop]

Wow, an Agnostic and a Mormon got married? Can't imagine dealing with that dynamic.

[@CelesteMinerva]

Last story: You hit the nail right on the head. An open relationship is OPEN. If he does the whole good for me but not thee bullshit then you got your answer. I'd also talk to Harper about the situation it sounds like she's a pretty cool chick who is going out of her way not to step on any toes. Who knows she may have some feelings about the husband too.

[@darianashkevron9969]

Story 2 - This happens a lot because, frankly, it's in most people's nature to be forgiving. It's kind of necessary in a social species, especially one as social as humans. It's...hard...for people who haven't been abused to actually conceive of abuse that goes into "unforgivable" territory. The fact that the wife was apologetic means that there is a way forward. The husband would be fully within his rights to cut it off here, but if he wants to continue then the wife CAN be forgiven through couple's therapy. This isn't a case where the wife is dismissing his position despite him being proved correct like what happens in a lot of these stories...she did an oh shit, realized exactly how much she fucked up, and was immediately remorseful. It's a rough road ahead and it's the dude's choice, but nah...there's much worse the wife could've done, and while this can be considered grounds for divorce, it's not "run for the hills" levels of betrayal.

[@Etienne.6329]

Holly Molly… with stories like that you always have to scroll for 10minutes to find 1 reasonable comment.

[@soulgazer11]

I'm also no contact with my abusive mother. Not everything is "forgivable", that's bulls***.

[@ostlandr]

That first story: The fact that they've been together TEN YEARS and he hasn't married her yet? Huge red flag.

[@jcouch1993]

As someone with a Filipino mother in law, that's very typical of them. They raise their sons to be independent yet to put them first. Once that became apparent in my marriage after a couple years, I put my foot down and told him she raised him American and that I expect him to put me first. Ten years later of being married now, and a year ago he verbally put her in her place and we haven't talked to her since then. If she's truly sorry and repentant for what she said about me and our deceased child, then she would make actual effort instead of guiltily her husband into guilting my husband.

[@DanielaGlint]

Dude from story 1 is a bona fide sociopath

[@ElviAlivE]

Last story OP shouldn't be too worried. Shiny new Harper will get tiring to the husband. I do agree Op should date around now. If anything, she should just go out more and have fun with her friends. This marriage is over and she needs to set herself up to transition into a better life without husband.

[@shiftervids7657]

Story 3: Honey, your boyfriend is already married to his mother, and she's literally acting like he's cheating on her by dating you. You deserve better than that.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Agreeing to an open marriage was your second mistake. Not Immediately filing for divorce when he asked for an open marriage was your first mistake

[@maapauu4282]

It wasn't an open marriage. It was closed

[@sophietremblay3795]

Last story op he asked for a relationship and you want to be his favorite again asked a guy he will crawl back to you immediately

[@charleneblack2792]

As a woman who's been dependent on her husband for 12 years, I can tell you that you CAN leave a terrible spouse. I left my ex with a kid. Yeah, it's hard but totally doable. There are many services to help single mothers. Don't suffer in silence. You don't have to put up with a cheater.

[@twiharryfan212]

Another round of asking for some lighter, sillier subs thrown into the mix. I love your content, Rslash- I've been listening practically every morning since you started the channel with no exaggeration. But it's been hard lately because my year has sucked and the constant reminders that people can be awful don't exactly help my mental health. And it's also not great on yours as you've explained to us before.

[@abhinavbhargav7011]

Hey rSlash, thank you for making more Relationship videos, they're the juciest

[@thymewizard]

Last story: It doesn't sound like an open relationship, it sounds like they all think they're in a throuple. I think OP's complaint is that her husband is actually just being a mediocre partner in two 1-1 relationships at the same time, instead of a valuable member of a 3-person relationship.

[@NinjaBoy641]

Bfs mom story: Leave him, this man clearly cares more about his spoiled rotten mom than he does you. My guess is he's only dating you because dating his mother is frowned upon.

[@guitarbass22]

First story: I hope there’s an update on it (or will be soon) so we can know the fallout.