doctors & depression (my story, statistics, coping) | Dr. Rachel Southard

[@RachelSouthard]

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always." - Robin Williams "If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, s**cide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." - (also) Robin Williams

[@pinkrose372]

Robin williams died from suicide i wish he had taken his own quotes to heart😞.

[@pinkrose372]

Robin williams died from suicide i wish he had taken his own quote to heart

[@mayanksharma9442]

@RachelSouthard Hello Rachel! I know depression is the worst type of pain that a person feels. But I would like to share my experience that It is very much treatable through Ayurveda therapies( ancient wisdom of sages)in India. Once you try those therapies you will feel the changes all over the body. The therapy not only works on the mind but also on your gut and complete body tissue levels. Must try things you will actually love and enjoy it.

[@Dingdong0130]

@@pinkrose372he died from lewy body dementia, go read his wife’s essay about it

[@ifeyinwa_morenike]

Hi Rachael, you may or may not see this, but something so helpful to me in situations that feel overwhelming is my faith. I don't know your religion, but when I put so much pressure on myself, when there are so many doubts when I feel like I'm about to reach my breaking point, I look to God, I just sit and pray and read the Bible and find so much peace (Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.) This was the verse I spoke over myself daily in my dark season. I also talked to people and found ways to distract myself from my thoughts and emotions, but all those things were temporary fixes, it was like a band-aid to an injury that needed surgery, I needed permanent internal healing, and I found that by drawing closer to Jesus. I pray you find that peace that surpasses all understanding Rachael, I really mean it, amen🙏

[@RawBlunder]

People who don't go through it can't appreciate it. To be spending hours a week learning and reflecting on how you did something, how you could have done it better, wondering how others interpreted it, wondering if what you did was enough. To spend YEARS of your life where every move you make is evaluated and could make or break your future. A future that is so dependent on a system that doesn't allow for emotion or mistakes and is hinged on hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. Where you get paid minimum wage but your decisions can and will change someone's life, and potentially end it. For people to disregard all the additional effort you are putting in OUTSIDE of your 80-hour residency weeks to make these videos for those who are in medicine or hope to be there someday is so disappointing. You don't owe anyone anything except yourself. Be kind to yourself Rachel. You know how hard it is and that's enough. Much love for you.

[@RachelSouthard]

THIS. I appreciate you so much.

[@pinkrose372]

Shes not paid minimum wage shes a doctor thats a reach she doesnt flip burgers at burger king but she is still underpaid for the amount of stress she has to go through.

[@ctgctg1]

@@pinkrose372if you include the additional studying hrs it does translate to minim7m wage.

[@angieyk3930]

I found myself crying without any reason a lot during the last year of medical school, unable to attribute a valid reason and feeling at a loss because I had no idea how to cope with my negative emotions. My sense of personal achievement dwindled and I felt submitted to a system that didnt value the effort I was putting in. Meanwhile the school's philosophy was strong on promoting values that we must act for the greater good setting aside any personal benefit as if I must keep sacrifing to perservere. Eventually I wasnt noticing that I wasnt paying attention to my personal needs and had to be hospitalized for my mental health. My peers complaining about their own issues got too much since the reciprocity wasnt there. So many people in medicine go through these experiences because of the demanding academic environment, and I think voices like yours are infinitely valuable so we dont feel alone ❤ thanks for your comment, opened my eyes to what I was unknowingly feeling.

[@thestrawberrigrl15]

@@pinkrose372if you calculate her total wage and the amount of hours she works including study time, it is definitely below minimum wage.

[@betsybabf748]

Not a doctor, but I am a suicide widow. My husband was diagnosed bipolar, but it was never severe, with mild to moderate mania in his teens and 20s. He was never suicidal. From diagnosis, he on medication for 15 years, and he never had one episode while medicated. It became a non-issue in our life. He was an extremely hard-working business owner and wonderful husband & dad. The week he turned 45, after having no episodes since he was diagnosed at 29, he thought it was safe to take a break from his meds, stopping them abruptly. He hung himself 3 weeks later. I found him. Four weeks later, my mom was diagnosed with terminal lung and brain cancer, dying months later and the same year my best friend died of cardiac complications from Type 1 Diabetes. I never had any sign of depression, but now, I am on an antidepressant. Severe grief lead to depression which I couldn't shake so finally went to my doctor.

[@awolf81]

Terrible story. I’m sure your husband was a great man. So sorry. I’m studying to be a psychiatric nurse practitioner. I’m hopeful I can prevent stories like yours.

[@joshmcgoo]

Depression in residency is SO common. More people should be open like this

[@mannagarwal5390]

Hey you're in EM right

[@joshmcgoo]

yea@@mannagarwal5390

[@dr.physio9594]

Agreed, but there should be some outcome to overcome from these kind of steess

[@lukewatson1484]

This is a conversation that needs to be had at every workplace

[@user-ti4pb6jy1b]

well yeah....if she is bawling every other videos over plain work, some co-worker would want to go: wth is up with you bro? dont want to wake up? its a job. you're not even in THAT demanding of a specialty compared to the other stuff.

[@ElenaVolfson]

As a medical student who felt depressed during my surgical rotation, this brings me to tears. It is so real and I am so sorry and I really needed to watch this video.

[@sarahfeingold8794]

From someone who went the other route and quit, it saved my life. Your life is not defined by your profession, and there is purpose beyond medicine. You are allowed to choose yourself. It’s not a weakness, walking away from something you’ve worked towards your entire life is the bravest thing I’ve done. It will be okay. When a plant is struggling to thrive, we don’t blame the plant, we blame the environment. Love yourself enough to change your environment if you need to 💗💗💗

[@noraaa8479]

Did you complete medical school? I recently graduated and I want to quit so badly because of how badly my mental health is but don’t know what my next step is

[@lhm1586]

@@noraaa8479 Did you get professional help? First step is to take care of your mental health for you to be able to address this situation with more clarity.

[@noraaa8479]

@@lhm1586 I’ve been going to therapy for two years now and I’m on SSRIs, nothing really helps when I’m still in this stressful route in life it feels like a lost cause and the only way out is by quitting medicine all together I just need to know what alternative routes to take especially after dedicating 7 years or my life to it.

[@lindaibarra219]

I also quit medical school. It also saved my life and well-being. I am way happier and although sometimes I am sad and have a hard time forgiving myself, I realized I am overall more successful in life by enjoying more time for myself, family, friends, and my job.

[@Jayjay-cp3yb]

I’m a dental hygienist and I completely regret going into this field. It’s miserable! I just recently quit, not sure what to do next but I’m praying that the right path will come my way

[@AlexiaHammond-rw7qq]

I did it for 10 years and I want out too! How long did you do it?

[@TroopsofDoom666]

Hope you are doing okay

[@snowps1]

Can you share why it's miserable?

[@alishanziro]

Yeah is there any advice or warnings you could give us

[@JakeGoodmanMD]

I can’t thank you enough for sharing this, Rachel! This is the type of video that saves lives. Best KZbin video I’ve seen all year, hands-down. Grateful to know you, and looking forward to meeting you in person one day. Your patients are lucky to have you.

[@zhuzhupetlover6673]

Great seeing you here Dr. Goodman! I love your TedTalks and love how you are also getting rid of mental health stigma especially in medicine. So thank you ❤

[@chantillyyakes7714]

This video hits home. A CT surgeon who I knew well recently died from suicide. I would have never guessed he was struggling. 20+ years as an established physician with a good practice and family. It is absolutely heartbreaking that this is the reality we live in.

[@mystrength5640]

Soo sorry. 🙏🏻

[@francescosiragusa1135]

I'm so sorry for your loss. If i can ask why did he/She did that?

[@heatherscarlett4459]

I won’t be able to watch the rest of your video. My 24 son took his life June28/2022 and it is still too fresh. Thank you for sharing this. My son suffered with autism, anxiety, depression, ocd and several other disorders. He was medication resistant and he was starting to experience psychotic episodes. He wanted to be a social worker, not a doctor, but life was too difficult. If you can help one person then this is worth it.

[@gaylefw5072]

Sending you love 🤗❤

[@jeandonovan8640]

❤❤❤❤

[@celeste2329]

🩵🩵🩵🤍🤍🤍🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@puzz88]

So sorry for your loss 😞😭🙏❤️ and thank you for sharing. Your story will also helps to make a difference for other people too ❤️❤️

[@zhuzhupetlover6673]

I’m so sorry for your loss!

[@pec_inspector]

I was at my lowest during residency. I quit, and now I'm the happiest I've ever been. My family and friends are not disappointed, but supportive. I'm so glad I did it. I wasn't happy at all during it, and I wouldn't have been happy when it was over either working as an attending

[@ashleyh8352]

What do you do for work now? I'm considering quitting the medical field but I'm not sure what other options are out there...

[@pec_inspector]

@@ashleyh8352 I work in fitness now (personal training). The pay is lower than it *could've* been if I had stayed on the medical path of course, but I am definitely, definitely much happier currently. I don't work with and think about the *could've beens* though; I prioritized my mental health and safety (SI and depression are no joke) and I don't regret that at all. And with the newest changes to repayment plans for loans, currently I'm paying $0 in interest monthly, for the foreseeable future.

[@sigh1685]

I left as well!

[@ashleyh8352]

@@sigh1685 what are you doing now for work?

[@sigh1685]

@@ashleyh8352 lab tech assistant, but I'm also planning to be a Nurse (RN)!

[@seanwalsh5717]

This is what strong, good people look like. It is tough, and we all need support.

[@foodiesworldUSA]

Yes we need support especially when we are kind snd we want to do the right thing always even if it allowing someone to be rude to us and we have to be to strong to walk away❤🤗

[@deerockt]

I am a clinical psychologist and I think your videos gave a great input in my decision to continue my education with a master’s in “clinical psychology applied to the hospital setting”. I really want to make the difference for both hospital staff AND patients. I think it’s really important to work with both. 2020 really taught us a lesson about this! Some of the things you talked about in previous videos were really inspiring for me. I’m really sorry to hear about your struggles and I’m super happy you’re doing better. I hope other people watching this can be inspired to ask for help when in need.

[@okumangodfreyemmanuel7615]

went to med school in Uganda and happened to do my internship during the second wave of COVID-19. I had always observed patients die and helped nurses do last office as a student. but doing a 36hour shift and loosing over 20 patients only at A&E and then coming back after a break of 12 hours for another 8 hour shift and loosing another 20 or more and this went on for about a month, I completely lost myself, exhausted in every aspect of the human sphere and knew I had hit rock bottom, after internship, i didnt even bother looking for a job. i just sat at home for a whole year before applying to my first job coz i needed that break from all the rigor of medschool and a traumatic internship. You are strong Rachel

[@floweringtulsi]

Thank you for making this video. I was told by my cardiologist 3 weeks before my MCAT that I would never be a doctor because he saw that I was taking mental health medication, even though he knew that I was sexually assaulted by my best friend in college. Fast forward a few months later, I got a good score, but still full of doubts. It was nice to see this and how honest you were.

[@rosalia7482]

I hope you switched cardiologists after that.

[@LaMarieOne]

That cardiologist has no idea what he’s talking about

[@user-xv7zz2ew6h]

He must not know that most of his own colleagues are on those same medications...

[@Hailanator]

Some of the best doctors I've ever had are the ones that have been through the trenches themselves. My sister went through suicidal ideation and severe anxiety and depression due to a recent abusive relationship and never truly got the help she needed until one doctor came along who went through the same thing. Thanks to her, I still have my sister with me. Ive been obese (BMI 45-50) my entire life and struggled to lose weight because of hormone issues and insatiable cravings. It wasn't until I switched to a primary doctor that specialized in obesity (and also had lost over 150 pounds herself) that I was finally seen as a person and not just a number on a scale. With the medications she prescribed me, I've not only lost 30 pounds so far, but I've been able to make a complete 180 with my diet. No more fast food. All home cooked meals. Meal preps, portion control, nutrient calculations, calorie tracking, exercise. 3 months of strict habit forming so I have the tools to fall back on when I taper off the meds. Without her, I would've never made any of these changes. I wouldve continued with the struggle to fight the cravings and I would've never learned how shitty the foods I was eating ACTUALLY made me feel. So shame on that cardiologist for telling you that you'd never be a good doctor. As horrible as your trauma was (and i'm so sorry you even had to experience it), you will always have the ability to see and treat your patients better because you understand the gravity of it.

[@nevertheless2024]

4th year med student here ✋🏾 definitely bookmarking this for residency. Thank you so much for being vulnerable about this because this is truly the reality of it all.

[@farhanabdiosman4315]

Same here 🥲

[@y.m.505]

It hasn't changed much because it's like a taboo topic. Many residents are silently suffering and enduring. I'm glad that you came through.

[@taylordeville8870]

Oooo girl, so proud of you for this. I’m a psychiatric RN and boy do I suffer too. My most recent and intense ideations was in November, 2 months after I graduated and into my first job. I felt so confused, ‘why do I feel like this when it’s all I’ve ever wanted’. Luckily my workplace picked up on it too and were super supportive. Thank you for being so transparent, this disorder truly TRULY does not discriminate x

[@cassiegonzalez1752]

It’s so refreshing to have honesty and transparency nowadays because so many people on social media try to have this perfect looking lifestyle that is just not reality. THANK YOU for being brave enough to do this video. I am a nurse and although I haven’t been in your shoes, I can definitely relate to what you are saying. There isn’t enough mental support (or care) for medical workers and I feel this is really negatively impacting the nurse and Dr professions, and ultimately patient care.

[@mpm2004]

As someone who has experienced depression and suicidal ideation and also a mental health counselor, thank you so much for sharing. The more you speak out, the more awareness and less stigma there will be. So proud of you. In Utah, a law was passed that allows physicians, nurses, mental health providers, police, fire, and EMTs, if needing inpatient care, to can go to a surrounding state for inpatient care at in-network rates. We lost several physicians to suicide, and they want them to get help and not be near where they work.

[@DanaNason-m4x]

Dr.Southard thank you for the honesty. The patients who have you as a doctor are very lucky.Cheers.

[@paolaorozco6072]

I’ve been following you since my first year of medical school and I’m now an M4 and I can’t emphasize enough how powerful watching this video was. You’re so brave and I’m so inspired by you!

[@zhuzhupetlover6673]

Sending you the biggest hug, Dr. Rachel. Residency is a tough thing doctors go through. I’m sending you strength and love! Keep hanging in there! ❤

[@monephaengland3223]

As someone who wants to be a doctor, this is so pivotal to hear & honestly scary. I know it gets better over time (as other doctors say) but when you're in the thick of it *as you currently are*, it seems very daunting and scary. I'm glad you have your people & other outlets. Thanks for sharing and being open about this.

[@jassy0903]

I also wanted to be a doctor, went through all of premed and took the MCAT. It was then that I realized that every doctor I had ever worked with that was younger than 40 was absolutely miserable and on the verge erge of quitting every. Single. Day. I switched to becoming a registered dietitian and it was the best decision I ever could have made. Just remember you have options where you can still treat patients,love what you do, and not be treated like this

[@noraaa8479]

@@jassy0903honestly good for you realizing this early on, As one of the under 40 year old doctors you’re talking about I really wish I realized that from early on and changed paths

[@alondragamboa2039]

Mental health is so important, especially in our field.

[@philipbaldassini9528]

As an EMS I had some case of mild depression through Covid, lost 6 people I had known and my dog the dad, and long studying hours for school. It’s a huge problem glad your okay girl we love ya fellow health care provider

[@redowl2291]

Rachel...you are a true warrior. Not many individuals take the time to share their experiences to help others. You are a gifted, compassionate communicator. All the best on your journey.

[@fran0162]

Depression is very real...I have lived with it for many years 😢. Only now have I come to terms with it and try my best every day. Thank you Dr. Rachel for giving this the voice it needs.

[@Josh_love_]

Hi Rachel, I came across your channel in 2020, shortly after the COVID-19 pandemic hit the United States. At that time, I was pursuing a software engineering, computer science, and biology degree, along with several minors. I was going through a rough patch in my life, and my depression was at an all-time high. I struggled to focus on my studies and lacked the motivation to do anything. That's when I stumbled upon your videos, and they made a significant impact on me. Your videos showed me that I wasn't alone in my struggles and that success is still possible despite these challenges. I left my first comment on your video in 2021, where I talked about adding a premed concentration to my already long list of goals and thanked you for creating the content that you do. I eventually dropped some of those minors to make room for the premed concentration. Fast forward to 2022, and I'm happy to inform you that I got accepted into medical school, an osteopathic one, no less! I'm currently in my first year as a medical student, and things are looking good. However, I still experience feelings of depression, just like before. Your videos continue to inspire me and many others, as evident from the comments section on every post. So, thank you for sharing your videos. Thank you for sticking to your guns and continuing to post raw videos like these despite the fears of the fear of the public's negative stigma towards mental health disorders. I hope to continue to see you unapologetically be yourself and, in doing so continue to inspire and lift up other people like myself. Cheers!

[@mikaellarmond]

Hey Rach! I’m so happy about your transparency and highly anticipate this video. A lot of doctors and medical students are UNHAPPY even though they won’t convey that on social media. I’ve seen it reflect in their attitudes towards themselves, each other, their patients and people in general. There’s nothing noble or gratifying about the rigorous training we go through. I hope reform comes in a timely manner.

[@anavalenzuela3223]

Imagine those who aren't as emotional intelligent and walk around in scrubs.....the system I believe needs to improve. Thank you for this video...for your authenticity.

[@ElizabethBorton]

After dealing in heavy SI and depression in 2017, residency was something I've been worried about because of those issues. Thanks Rachel for posting this. Makes feel like I can handle it because you've gone through it too.

[@seed.meditation]

healing with you

[@CoolsBreeze]

It hurts knowing that someone as caring and lovely as you could've been going through so much while doing something that she loves. You went through so much to get where you are and you deserve all the best and happiness. I'm just happy you're doing better now.

[@janinemaxwell4297]

I really love the saying “it’s ok to not be ok”

[@megfriedman3622]

The health care system / medical schools in the US and across the world really has to do a serious review of the residents' experience, the pressures, the insane hours they work, and the support systems that are or are not in place!!

[@etgoldiedonofrio6314]

I even went through depression once I retired from the hospital. I was a clinical nurse specialist who worked a ton of hours. Initially I felt happy that I wouldn't have to work anymore, but I didn't know how much the care I gave others really helped me too . No suicidal thoughts, just a lot of emotional depression. I am good now, but it can happen to anyone.

[@KiwikimNZ]

You are so right, I’m a nurse and just because we have the training and education on how to promote wellness needs, doesn’t mean we are immune to becoming unwell. No one is immune. I unfortunately suffered from post natal depression with psychosis after my second son, I was so so unwell, I was a true danger to myself, constant suicidal ideation- day and night, like a magnet, I was controlled by uncontrollable thoughts! I was so sick that it took me a long time to even understand I was unwell, I knew I was out of control and I was sick worried that my condition could slip even further and I’d become a danger to my children, thank goodness I still had a slither of insight left. Even after getting help it took over two years and around 10 different medications over the years to try and stabilise my symptoms. I really wish more Doctors could be more understanding and know the importance of really listening to their patients.

[@Martiniiiiiiiiii]

You have no idea how much strength and power you’ve given me just by offering your story. Thank you so much! You’re not weak for having these very human thoughts. You’re strength comes from being able to understand yourself and the “oxymoron” of having these negative thoughts when you’re profession is revolved around helping others with these same thoughts. You’re a beautiful person inside and out for having the self compassion to deal with your negative emotions. I just finished getting discharged from an inpatient treatment facility for suicidal ideations. I never thought I’d be treated for such a serious condition, but it sparked a fire within me to go into medicine. While I was in there I met so many vulnerable individuals that I knew at some point I’d be treating myself. This video and the experiences that have compiled up until now are just confirmation. Thank you again for your story ❤️

[@courtneypaige11100]

I watched this and just cried. My sister is a EM resident and I’m terrified every day that I’ll lose her to this process.

[@NurseAllison]

Emergency medicine? Does she know you’re worried?

[@courtneypaige11100]

@@NurseAllison yeah. She knows we all worry. She worries too on the days she’s not as deeply depressed. It doesn’t help that where we live it’s like practicing medicine in a third world country or a war zone because the system is so strained.

[@NurseAllison]

I’m so sorry. I don’t work with ER docs much, but greatly appreciate the ones I have met. Love residents. This really opens my eyes to their potential struggle. Hugs to your sister. 💓💓💓

[@AlannaCee]

I got halfway through but had to stop. My dad committed suicide the day before thanksgiving in 2022. I could sense something was really wrong with your past videos. Thank God to your residency program for speaking up! You are loved Rach🫶

[@zhuzhupetlover6673]

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this video. I was struggling with depression and SI during my first semester of college. The workload was so intense. I’m doing much better now. Thank you for always spreading warmth, light, and kindness! Love you dearly Dr. Rachel!

[@SibongileMakatini]

I am in tears. I have been watching you since I was a premed watching you in MCAT prep as you started medical school to now me an OMS-II in boards prep for COMLEX level 1. I’m so proud of you. Never stop speaking up for the much-needed changes in our field. And keep taking care of yourself 🫶🏾

[@ShanekaFeaginNP]

From an RN who's finishing NP school, thank you for being so open about how healthcare workers struggle with their own issues while trying to take care of others. Fortunately, I haven't had depression as an adult... but I struggled with it when I was in about 7th-8th grade. So, I completely understand how hard it is, and how hard it is to come out of. I didn't have any SI, but I would wake up and wish I wasn't here anymore. I didn't want to do it myself, though. Thanks for talking about this 🫶🏾

[@niccolomachiavell]

Rachel I love that you’ve made this video. During my first semester of medical school I became so depressed and questioned if it was for me. I passed all my courses but left with depression and wanting to quit that I took a leave of absence for one year. That year reinforced this was the path for me. Currently an MS3 and still very much in love with this path even on the hardest days I know I wouldn’t want to do anything else. I am terrified of residency but seeing this video gives me hope. Thank you!!

[@cxcr9817]

Thank you so much for making this video - It couldnt have come at a better time for me. I’m an M2 currently studying for Step 1 and this past semester has been so challenging for me mentally. I was in such a dark place and felt so much shame, I’m just now crawling out of it and started seeing a therapist again last week. Thank you so much for speaking up about physician mental health - Were human too and theres still SUCH a stigma that really compounded the pain I was already feeling. I hope you know you brought so much comfort to at least one medical stduent, thank you for all you do, you’re an amazing doc snd were so lucky to have you!!!!❤

[@Paige-m2o]

I’m a 4th year going into psychiatry and can really relate to this. Thank you for posting this and being so transparent

[@StephanieSchmidt-y6k]

Thank you Rachel for this video and for your Courage! 🙏 I'm a physican myself and living in germany. After my third year of residency in iternal medicine I was on the best way to Burnout, had some depression symptoms. I was lucky to got out before it was getting much worse. I changed my path, got out of the clinic and got my degree in general/family medicine Last year. This was the best decision. Mental health problems are so common in our professionell field all over the world because of the Hard work we are doing, caring for other people, our mistakes can hurt other people. But there is a huge Stigma about and only view will talk about their problems, because the community thinks about us as "The gods in white" and we Do not make mistakes or get Depression. But we are only humans. So people like you are so important to raise averness and speak out.❤

[@angel19fromabove]

Thank you so much, Rachel, for sharing this. Conversations like this NEED to be brought to the forefront and I absolutely commend you and applaud you for your strength and vulnerability. Please continue to take care of yourself! You are so truly valued, more than just as a physician, but as a human being.

[@RachelSouthard]

Absolutely!!💕

[@MoM-o6i]

I'm in residency training too and I relate so much to what you said. I suffer from depression too and every single day is such a battle. I'm sending you positive thoughts and vibes.

[@iAmNasia17]

I relate to this so much. I was depressed at one point and no one had any idea. It is scary how we can hide it so well like you said. I’m happy you’re here Rachel! I also can’t believe that I am still here pursuing my dreams of becoming a physician. Life is worth living. ❤

[@jrdoctorsnotebook]

I'm burn out too.. I work 14 hours a day. Most of the time there's no time to sit in the hospital. Someone's always expecting something from us. I never feel enough because there is never end to learn in medicine. I feel tired all the time, I have exams all the time. Private life: None. I stopped thinking about it. :) You're unhappy when you think. :) I don't know.. The only thing that strongly connects me to this profession is that I experience an indescribable wonderful feeling when I perform intubation or CPR in the emergency/operating room and the patient comes back to life... The work you do is priceless. :)

[@jasmynethomas5097]

Rachel, I've been watching your videos since I was a freshman in college and now I'm an OMS-1; when I started watching you, I think you were an OMS-1 and now you're a PGY-1. It's so bittersweet! Your resilience has always been such an inspiration to me; thank you for being so transparent and sharing your struggles with us so we don't feel alone. So much love and appreciation for you forever and always!

[@pilarrodriguez5133]

Sending all the love 💗 thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities. It has made me so much stronger!

[@carolinelynch9316]

As a PGY-2 resident, I have also had every single thought and doubt that you talk about. A lot of this goes unspoken and unless residency programs are openly supportive of mental health, a lot of people end up in a dark place. Keep going, it will get better ❤

[@Andimelodies]

So grateful you speak on these topics. It’s really inspiring. Thank you 🥰

[@RachelSouthard]

Thank you so much!💕

[@kathrynrachael]

I want to hug you, and squeeze you, and love you. I am so grateful to hear that you've pushed through those hard times. You and YOUR EXISTENCE is SO important to US!!! We love you Rachel!!!

[@Gyndoc3457]

I just matched OBGYN and I love your videos; thanks for keeping it 100 with us. It really sets expectations and how its so important to take care of you so you can better take care of your patients!

[@Debtfreedvm]

Medicine is such a tricky field! I’m a veterinarian that constantly thinks about my past cases that didn’t go the way I had hoped. Did I do enough? Why didn’t I do this or that? There are no guarantees in medicine. Pivoted in my career and achieving better work life balance. Many prayers! You can do it!

[@survivalsilk2101]

mental health professional here

[@mashiyatahmed]

Your honesty and clarity will do more healing than you can ever expect. ❤ you are so supported.

[@clauihl6383]

Oh My GOD! This is so relatable. My first months working as a physician were though. I remember drivign Home on the highway, looking at the sunset and thinking, what if I just make a turn and XXX. Didnt really want to, but some times the exhaustion is so much it can really make u think such things. I am so GLAD You (and I) are doing better ❤❤

[@michellemwasumbi6534]

Thank you so much for uploading this video Dr. Southard! I cannot imagine the number of physicians that will be helped by what you have shared, and the millions of patients that will be helped as well! You are so loved!

[@susanfleming496]

Thank you for advocating for residents and for talking about tough topics like depression. So glad to hear you're feeling better. ❤

[@fannyp1378]

"It is time to take care of humans who are taking care of other humans." I hope we care for each other, and we continue to fight for one another, including for ourselves. Thank you Rachel. And I mean no disrespect by not saying "Dr." I am saying your name, because before anything else, before all the work that you have..and continue to put in, day-in and day-out..you are human. You are you, and I hope you never loose the passion inside you. I hope you never loose the wonder, the curiosity, the silliness, the joy of simply being you. Because that is every thing. You are every thing. I hope that even in darkest of times, you feel it with a strong grasp. ❤ 🙏

[@erin723]

My heart is exploding with all the emotions. You identified so many pieces that are important to understand and how we can address them. Learned helplessness really jumped out at because on the surface it “shaming” but it’s not. There are real pieces this puzzle that we have to own and know that some things ARE within our control. I was sickened to hear the suicide rates…. those losses are people we need in healthcare. (I’m not discounting anything else, just staying on the video’s topic.) Healthcare professionals are humans first and foremost. Not gods nor magicians. Placing that sort of expectation on the people we are PARTNERING with for our healthcare serves no one. Big love to Rachel! ❤

[@jayshrutisingh3648]

I am a pediatric resident in india , i resigned my seat 3 month prior because i was so depressed being surrounded my death of young children , and toxicity of workplace , and 36hr week shift with no time to sleep . I felt like i was loosing my mind i had crippling anxiety and palpitations and depression i didnot feel like doing anything i would lock myself in a room and cry for hrs after a 36 hr shift. I was almost on the verge of dying i still have that dispo filled with adrenaline i felt that my life was no longer worth living but then i sought psychiatric help and i resigned and now i am prepararing for the same entrance again !! Going to do everything all over again .

[@hipchocolatechip9339]

Rachel, I cannot thank you enough for posting this video. It is incredibly courageous that you posted this. I resonated with this message very deeply, as I have struggled with depression and severe anxiety for two years as an undergraduate student. I am also in a place where I feel less pain and my sense of belonging and purpose is coming back again. It means so much to me to know I am not alone. Thank you so much for posting this.

[@NurseAllison]

You most definitely not alone. 💓💓💓

[@malikking_444]

💕

[@katymcnamara9898]

healthcare is HARDDDDD! ive had three patients pass this week, i did compressions and post mortem care for the first time this week and i dont even know what im feeling. Its insane to me how much we deal with and how little ime we have to process it before we have to put on the profesionalism again. its exhausting and im so proud of you

[@ernurse3699]

I’m so proud of you talking about this. Being in the medical field is HARD . When we heal we heal but when we can’t we suffer and are sad. Some people see this as weak but I just see it is that we are human ❤

[@rachel_dittrich]

Thank you so much Rachel for making this video. I just completed my first year of pharmacy residency and I was feeling the exact same way. I had never felt this way before and it was something I never hope to experience again. Thank you for discussing this very important topic!

[@LucyBelvedere]

I hear ya! Back in 2012 my anxiety/depression pretty much crippled me. It’s ok not to be ok everyday. Be kind to yourself and when you’re having a bad day just know it can’t be bad everyday. ❤❤

[@irenealmeida4176]

Thank you so much for this video. I'm a 2 year med student in Brazil and I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for a really long time. Watching your videos really has been helping me to keep fighting towards becoming a doctor.

[@tovielmcvay6455]

Hey Rachael! Thank you so much for posting this video, it’s hugely helpful and important to spread the word of depression and SI. I work in veterinary medicine and the things you have described sounds very similar if not the same to what’s happening in the veterinary medicine world. Most of my coworkers have gone through or is going through depressive episodes (I try to be an open ear to their problems if they allow, however I constantly have to tell myself to not internalize their situation and make it mine). Thankfully I haven’t gone through or am currently in depression with SI (hopefully I never experience it, but like you said, it can happen to anyone at anytime and I know I’m a human being and can’t avoid it entirely). I have my coping methods as well, especially working in a field where veterinary professional suicide rates are climbing and climbing (2nd place to police officers last time I checked): I play piano as much as I can, I lean on my family and talk about my day (good or bad) with them, I lean on my coworkers and friends (coz we’re all in this situation together and we’re stronger together), I exercise and try to eat well and get enough sleep, and many other things! Anyway, that again for this video it was much appreciated. I’m glad that you are “out of the woods” so to speak 😊. Much love and peace! 💕

[@eviesabo4871]

This video speaks volumes to your kind empathetic heart. I hope you are able to make the changes to want to make. I’ve been in that dark place and am so grateful I came out the other side. You are an amazing physician and human for bringing awareness to this topic. So many people will be able to relate, and maybe this video is what sparks them to get the help they didn’t want to admit or realize they really needed ❤

[@crissycattuzzo1460]

5 days out of 7 when i open my eyes i have this sinking feeling that once again i woke up. While people are dying of cancer that want to live, i just don’t. I don’t think i could do anything to hurt myself but i want to go naturally! I feel guilty all the time ! I’m glad you’re talking about this. I’m medicated but after 7 years I still feel the same! The crying is becoming an all day , everyday thing! No one wants to feel this way, everyone wants to be happy but I’m NOT NO MATTER WHAT! 😢

[@LaMarieOne]

Thank you for your honesty, Crissy. I truly wish you all the best and I hope you keep reaching out and being vulnerable about this topic

[@amberj3941]

Rachel, I hope you know you are so loved and I’m so proud of you. I don’t know you in person but your videos and ability to open up are so humbling. Keep changing lives.

[@TK-hg7dl]

Rachel, Thank you for sharing this. I am a nurse, in school as well while being a mom and a wife. Mental health has been a massive struggle for me. We need to talk about it more. Be kind to yourself. Tanya

[@ethangoldbridge9947]

You're an unbelievable person and role model to this community. You'll underestimate how much of a difference this video will make to others.

[@MiriamStrawberries]

Thank you for being so open about this subjects, world needs more people like you. Please remember, the road to recovery after being at such a low point (suicidal thought and such) is a long, long road, so please, Please have mercy on your self. There can be relapses, there might not be, nobody knows - but it is normal to take months and even years to fully recover. Just wanted to say this, so that people don't feel dissapointed with them selves if the depression "comes back" after a short time. Give your selves time to heal

[@Chealsea2624]

Dr. Southard! I remember the first time I ever watched one of your videos… it was about 5-6 months ago. It popped up on my page and I thought, this seems interesting let me watch! After that first video, I never stopped. Your realism, your genuineness, all of it inspired me to go on, into nursing! I could see how sad you were in those videos, and it shows you just how hard the healthcare field as a whole can be! Not feeling good enough. I come back weekly to watch your videos and I truly enjoy seeing how happy you’ve been! I know that things will continue to get better for you, we all go through these hiccups in life that can have us questioning everything.. I’ve been there. You are doing the best that you can, focus on YOU! Best of luck to you ♥️

[@Teeeheehaha]

Yikes! some of these comments are just a yuck. Keep on goin' Dr. Southard! You got this! I believe in you! Just know the negative is the minority. The majority of your viewers love and support you.

[@TigerEyes23]

I’m entering my 4th month of being a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Having passive SI nearly daily. Thanks for sharing your experience because it gives me hope that I’ll come out the other side of this.

[@aidathemd]

Dear Rachel, I was shocked about what you said in this video at first, because I thought if a person goes into a residency they like, life would be just PERFECT. But I know how hard residency can be even though I haven't started it yet. Thank you for opening up and talking to us. You're my inspiration. Whenever I don't feel like to study I just watch one of your videos back in medical school. I love you. You'll be the best OB/GYN specialist in the future.💕

[@Joseypuppy1]

As an MS4 who is about to match next week, thank you for everything that you do. Been watching you for a while now and you’ve made me feel so comforted in this process. ❤

[@SebConte202]

Really appreciate your courage in making this video Rachel, thank you very much.

[@sunriselotus]

Rachel, I think what you have done is very powerful and very necessary. I will say it again. The fact that you have so many followers also makes it so impactful, the fact that you are using your influence to bring immense light on to such a necessary topic. I will share that I did not know what mental health was because of the stigma and I did not know how it could affect me and my body and I was a resident!!!! I know this sounds shocking but what you said is so true. We are so busy that we never have time to pay attention to our symptoms until something drastic happens. I just wanted to highlight some points. 1) I did not find my residency program supportive. In fact it felt like they were perpetuating all the things. 2) my family did not know what it was and didn't believe in it. When I was sitting next to them and crying, they thought I was "acting up" or complaining. 3) I will say because I am a person from a different race and ethnicity, this really matters to shed the light on these two factors. That the stigma is even worse when you are a minority. This has affected a lot I would say. I know you are doing your part in addressing your audience and I will say a lot of the people who follow you will look like you, physical appearance and have similar traits and likes/dislikes. I just wanted to say if you could make some effort in touching up on some diversity that would be great as well. Thank you!!!!

[@twilightgrlmel]

I am so glad you spoke on this. I want to got to medical school but watching your journey had me worried. But hearing this today made me feel so much better. I hope more people understand how to overcome this no matter their circumstances. 😊

[@user-xv7zz2ew6h]

Thank you thank you thank you for this video! I feel like the true experiences of residency are soo sugarcoated, and I love how honest you were about it. I'm also hoping and praying for better. I can't thank you enough for this video

[@herbross4498]

You're are a great example to helping others manage human behavior! God Bless.

[@jovanatorres5869]

Thank you for sharing your experience with depression as a physician! It is so important! I work in the mental health field to reduce the stigma of depression and suicidal ideations and letting people know its okay to not be okay but it's even more okay to seek help for not feeling okay. You're an amazing person, you're doing great things not just as a resident but also by using your voice!

[@hannahkline2029]

Thank you, Rachel, for being so honest. We've got your back, and just thank you for your videos!!!

[@calmaesth]

Please Rachel don't blame yourself for crying! It is human and it NEEDS to happen for new emotions to develop! such as hope, happiness, calm, and eventually well-being

[@bp19964]

Now that I'm a pediatric dentist, looking back at my dental school days, depression was so overwhelming and suicidal thoughts were there. It was, to sum up, heavily lonely. My friends who haven't experienced it would not understand, and it was understandable. I then have a cute puppy and I learned to love myself and put small times into enjoying simple life moments with the puppy. Hug to you Rachel

[@orangeblossom1712]

thank you so much for posting this. I am a hospital social worker and have so much respect for the residents I work with.

[@poeticzruc2988]

This video really hit home for me. I was in a registered nursing program. I passed my boards in february, and am now working as a registered nurse. The criteria for school was literally insane. The expectations, wardrobe code, attendance requirements and so on and so forth. There was barely any guidance when it came to the course material but the exams were even worse. You could study the book front to back in the exams would still word things in a way that it would you could study the book front to back in the exams would still word things in a way to confuse you. A lot of people failed, a lot of people were depressed, and I truly believe this is why a lot of nurses have such miserable personalities. From the beginning, it's sink or swim and a lot of people lose their compassion because our clinical instructors, our teachers and even the staff we were supposed to be training with weren't compassionate to us. It's devastating to look back and see the turmoil that it put me through. There were many days that I felt the exact same way, the only thing that really kept me going was my kids. That being said it still didn't save me from my thoughts because a lot of the time I couldn't control it. The lack of sleep the stress and the lack of nutrients to because a lot of time I wasn't eating just took its toll on me. There were many times when I didn't want to wake up because I just felt like I was in this vicious cycle. If I woke up, I'd be back to experiencing struggle. Of course there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel but when you are in the midst of everything, there doesn't seem to be an end to it. You try to remind yourself that it's all temporary but it feels so very overwhelming. Especially if you aren't really thriving academically. It would be different if all of this stress was leading to straight A's but a lot of the time the exams were so difficult you're getting c+ or maybe even lower. And it comes to a point where you feel like you'd rather withdraw instead of completely failing. Thanks to the friends I made in nursing school and my determination, I was able to pass and get to the point that I am now but I'll never forget that time. I'm still not the same because of it, I don't sleep the same I don't act the same I have just been damaged. I tried to get back to who I was before experiencing everything that I did while in nursing school and I just can't. Residency sounds just as bad or if not, worse. It's sad to say that I find reassurance in this related experience that we both had because when you feel like you're the only one, it's so cold and lonely. It's nice to know that you aren't the only one who has struggled with these issues but it's sad that it happens to other people too because no one deserves to feel like that. there are a lot of people that aren't strong enough to act on those temporary emotions and make permanent decisions because of them. I want you to know that I'm proud of you and I'm happy that you push through every single day and that once this is over even though you won't completely be 100% yourself, you'll start to love the new version of you down the line. You are meant to be where you are and don't ever think less of yourself. Allow the situation to humble you but still remain confident in the person you are and the treats that you have because there aren't very many like you out there.

[@laurensue2985]

You remind me of my OB in Augusta GA. she was amazing, I wish she could have delivered my second. Y'all are truly wonderful people. I'm glad that your colleagues stepped in and helped you so you could keep helping others 💟💟💟

[@katiek2391]

Thank you for sharing- RNs feel this way too in their first years after school- such a tough profession to truly know about while in school- I can imagine it’s soooo tough as a resident… either way the feelings are the same. So glad you are doing better. I’m doing better and I didn’t think that would happen unless I quit… and look- here we are!😌

[@jeanne-evelynebelanger-lem2499]

Thank you Rachel for this really hard video. Thank you for present and future residents. This will change because you just did the harder step for it to change. The stigma is unfortunately real in medicine. Continue to work hard and take care of yourself. You should be really proud of yourself, you’re a champion ❤

[@tiffanypollock6582]

Thank you Dr. for speaking about mental health and the issues with medical education/residency. What do you think led to depression? The hours? The difficult clinical/didactic of residency? The lack of free time? Thank you again for talking about depression ❤❤❤