Reality of divorce as told by men who have gone through it | Unscripted

[@TheForgivenman]

Men, we need to understand one thing.. Marriage is a place of service for us, it is not a place to just receive. We spend our days sowing into our wives and children, cultivating into their lives and we reap the benefits in the long run. If you marry thinking u will receive something, that's not the right attitude. Marry to serve, to give and to sacrifice. Boss, marriage is not a holiday for men, its a lifelong purposeful project. Having said that, only men who are content in themselves, men who have clear direction and purpose, men who are mature, should marry. A wife will never satisfy you on the inside, that empty space u have on the inside is for your father and God to fill. Don't put it on your wife

[@sharronlouis1228]

Very true

[@carolynthinji9968]

true true, i find it unfair and selfish to expect someone else to make me happy.

[@nathankibet9682]

Very true...there is no short cuts...if you get into a relationship and marriage there is no quits until there is infidelity that breaks a marriage as the Bible says

[@msbling9]

Bosssss👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@dBarryTV1]

Well said, yet what's to the woman to grow from what the man gives?

[@jackienganga8799]

This conversation is proof of concept that things dont always go wrong, they start wrong. I know most single people in their thirties and late twenties have the pressure to get married and fit in but my people, live your life, love yourself, invest in yourself, interrogate why you need to get married, be true to you, committed to you and make conscious decisions or you will end up being a divorce statistic. I am happy Amani chose himself and choose to co parent instead of staying caged for the children.

[@jannetnyaboke1914]

Truth right there. Its always about the foundation.

[@sarahmwangi3221]

This so Timely..Thanks for this great advise

[@PhilipineKidulah]

Great advice.

[@waceranjoki3442]

Wow thenks for this

[@valenteboso3676]

So true going through it right now it starts wrong!!!

[@magdershera6255]

Men need to be allowed to express themselves..thanks Grace!!

[@gakegakeslowly8429]

the problem is that many men at least african men don't like to express their emotions

[@blackamericapapi3841]

@@gakegakeslowly8429 it's not that it's because when men open up about they emotion because women will look at us like we weak or soft

[@africanqueenmo]

Allowed by who? Men set the rules in society!

[@africanqueenmo]

@@blackamericapapi3841 yes because men mock women calling is emotional and weak.

[@agnettathess4431]

There's a divorce program in Nairobi Chapel known as Divorce care where people who've been through a divorce can meet and talk and express themselves freely.

[@keymertertriza3705]

Agnetta I need this

[@felixmusau1643]

This is nice

[@floraarati3074]

Marcus your parents have taken many years of growing to come to the point of solving their conflicts differently. A process you were not willing to work through. The right person does not exist on earth, You be the right person. You need to allow yourself to grow

[@joyb5353]

I like how Amani is fluent and authentic. Keep soaring higher.. Marcus it feels like you jumped in too fast,wish you new beginnings. Thanks for sharing your deepest

[@okiyamolaa8601]

I really feel the same... But I'm really praying for them...

[@brendara3077]

People should stop expecting perfection from church members. Once you are there long enough you will realize that they are just humans prone to make many mistakes so don't expect much just because it's church. Don't leave church because you were hurt. The moment you stop expecting much, the more free you will be. That doesn't mean some church people are not saved. Everyone is at a different maturity level and some show more grace than others, others go to church for their own reasons that are not religious related, even those in leadership.

[@wilma1866]

I couldn’t say it any better!

[@cathythuo8606]

This was really eye opening. Not many men talk about their feelings so openly and I believe it this is really helpful to those going through the same.

[@carolinenjema7225]

I’m very sorry to both gentlemen. This must’ve been very difficult. Thank you both for sharing. It’s very eye opening. Helps me understand more. I can never judge. It’s very personal, and what I get is that men should be allowed to feel, but not be stereotyped, or given blanket judgment. You’re both very bold. You have helped many. God bless you abundantly.

[@rizikiahmed2997]

No judgment is the best this is an excellent program. They were candid about their emotions which is rare with African men. Great show. They were real

[@nancyn175]

Well said

[@kenyanforlife1534]

Thank you Grace for tackling this Divorce topic that other shows avoid! It's too important to be ignored! Well done to the guys for being open xx

[@osho6158]

At the age of 20 I've learnt a lot about marriage, to the point I've decided am never getting married. I've mastered being happy and peaceful alone and am grateful to the universe.

[@susankabura4732]

To Marcus and Amani l say Thank you for talking about this issue. Brave is a word that comes to mind. Thank you.

[@wacmber2131]

My own mam always tell me that marriage is not a bed of roses and don't go in it with any expectations

[@dr.maryngunyi8325]

Wow! As a DIVORCÉD WOMAN, 17 years later I thank God for my late father! Church failed me 100% both in the US and Kenya! My family shunned me completely, and favored my ex who was ABUSIVE ALL ROUND for 27 years! My kids TOO DEVASTATED! I expected too much from those I HAD INVESTED THE MOST! Marcus and Amani thanks for opening up! VULNERABILITY cares!

[@Jenniferakinyi]

It's hard for the children.

[@meavemarca2032]

love is blind Marriage is bliss Divorce is murder Unmarried,single and living happily with a borrowed cat 😍

[@sarahmutabazi18]

Hahaha 😂😆😆

[@lykamlaki7120]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@maryjones3523]

Borrowed cat 😂

[@wilma1866]

BORROWED CAT. Say no more! I am open to meeting a good man when the timing is right. But right now, I am content with my life with my 🐕, Princess Diana. I don’t ever envy anyone’s life because that is a waste of energy that could be spent loving my dog and people. I hope all is well in your world. Stay blessed.

[@SM-mh1kq]

Borrowed cats , my category 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and trust I'm doing well 😜

[@pathwaysounds3025]

This was articulate, eloquent, and truly applicable to men in this struggle...thank you and God bless.

[@askjustinawamae]

My take home is "Own your choices". Powerful

[@trepauwriting7454]

In laws also playing a huge role in breaking marriages. Mothers in law, especially on husband's side are causing divorce by interfering in the marriage and wanting to be given priority over their son's wife and kids. In laws please stick to your lane

[@faithfaith4108]

Well put

[@user-kpkxgtj]

💯

[@Jenniferakinyi]

Yeap

[@sarahjustice526]

Wana ujinga

[@ekim6023]

Don’t forget what y’all learned as DIL. Eventually DIL’s become a MIL let’s kill that selfish attitude

[@glorialouiise]

Aww men cry too. My Dad raised three of us on his own.

[@JudyWanderi]

Marcus seems like he was not emotionally mature for the reality of marriage, that is why he jumped ship - and seems to blame his ex-partner - when troubles rocked his boat. At no stage of the interview does he take responsibility or accountability for his failed marriage. But anyway, this is his side of the story, and a lesson to all. Marriage takes work, and commitment, and communication. You might idealise others who have been married for many years, and think they have their shit together - but the truth is, we all experience challenges. If you marry someone who is coming from a hurting place, allow them to heal first, or walk with them through their healing process. If not, please don't get married.

[@lizgathu7098]

Thank you guys for sharing your story. My parents are separated but we’ve never been closer like we’ve been in the last 10 years......

[@stamminahgusto3808]

Divorce is worse than death because you will face that person who has died in your heart everyday especially if you have kids together. That's why God said He hates divorce!

[@florencezizo]

They resurrect also everywhere.. specially if you have unresolved problems 🙏

[@bobimnm7062]

Where did God say that

[@stamminahgusto3808]

@@bobimnm7062 According to the Bible the only reason one can divorce is because of infidelity. Nowadays people divorce for selfish reasons.'The grass is greener syndrome' has led so many people in the path of destruction..

[@stamminahgusto3808]

@Mukiti M. Yap you aren't supposed to re marry because marriage is a blood covenant recognized in heaven. By re marrying you have automatically committed adultery.

[@patriciawairimu6089]

Re-marrying in the Bible is allowed in death of a spouse

[@BaronKavashia]

Now this is good content... Thank u NTV

[@dpm3262]

Marriage is for a God ordained purpose and when you are pursuing purpose it's not happiness all the time that's why you have to stick there even when things are tough.When people marry for selfish reasons they get disappointed when those tough moments. The key to marriage is grow together, work together, stick together and have a forgiving heart because there is a lot to forgive each other,alot.Don't come with unrealistic expectations. Marriage works because of two very imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other coz that's what true love is about.Perfect marriages are only found in one's imagination's. Good marriages are not found,they do not come,they are made by two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

[@rosembimo]

Well said

[@MudachiNix]

I think you are judgmental..what if all you said marriage is..happens to all not be there?

[@Angel-xe1xg]

So according to you, people divorce because primarily they got married for "selfish reasons" or refuse to work through the "tough times"?? Come down to the literal practical world and put down your Bible for a minute.

[@felixmusau1643]

Leave God out of these please,God is interested in our holiness. Marriage is a personal decision

[@mimicherop6108]

Love is blind but marriage restores its sight

[@joycefaithnjeri6386]

While am here praying n fasting for a husband others are divorcing what unfair world we live in

[@jamessquare]

Joycefaith, how long you've been fasting and praying?

[@joycefaithnjeri6386]

@@jamessquare for a very long time

[@jamessquare]

@@joycefaithnjeri6386 I, too, am looking for a wife. Who knows? We may be what each other has been waiting for. Are you on social media?

[@rasras9567]

siunipee nafasi

[@kenwanyoike]

Imagyn

[@maggiemeghan7319]

Let's just stay bio nyumba Ni supuu,secondly the church members are the worst when it comes to single mothers

[@CoolkenyanInisrael]

Yes divorce process is ugly emotionally draining. So much rejection from friends,society n family somehow. Great talk.

[@giudataddeo7150]

Marcus is just fine..You can’t blame him for his life decisions.He sounds like a principled man who does his things a certain/specific way🤷🏾‍♀️

[@denniskadenge696]

sometimes the only mistake we make in marriage is 'growing up' and without empathy its very hard to understand the new found 'stranger'.

[@thegratenjambinimurungah1219]

This is so very true...

[@isabelomolo8853]

Wow....THIS👏🏾👏🏾

[@shijay4165]

Its called walking 🚶‍♂️ away in peace 🙏 and not in pieces.

[@nissispuppies5990]

Its better to divorce than to kill or cause permanent damage. Let's b real

[@bensonmudogo9755]

Ohh yess

[@otienojush6415]

Thank you.... It's only noble

[@blackamericapapi3841]

Shit I from Atlanta and divorce killed a lot of niggas especially from drug and alcohol overdoses so it's fucked up all around

[@beproudofyourself.3876]

Those who kill in marriages have mental issues a normal right person cant kill

[@naomimwangi8268]

Incredible!! Time to speak out. Looking forward to more of these conversations.

[@1980tx]

Divorce is tough.Thank y' all for sharing your experience!

[@zaidazainab2407]

Talking and sharing is part of healing unfortunately many guys are dying inside. Men, kill these phobia and i bet you will escape depression in large %..

[@zuri4life]

It seems as though Marcus is not being transparent, he comes across as trying to look like the good guy in this. Amani appears to be more candid. I may be biased, I know Njeri and her family quite well and was so shocked to hear they parted ways.

[@dorsyogot6229]

He is not marriagable

[@miriammwangi1520]

These guys are just childish

[@miriammwangi1520]

Grace dont be lured by those foolish men.

[@anonnona6433]

@@miriammwangi1520 🤣🤣🤭🤭🤭🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[@sarahngugi7122]

Your pastor was human and caring

[@catherinenyongesa3688]

If a man wants his marriage to work it will.. Most of these marriages fail because our men have perfected the art of playing victim.. No one is design to deal with loss or pain..

[@joysadalla5526]

it depends

[@dBarryTV1]

Or rather we see most cases women playing the victims. Smh

[@leonbosire378]

@k chebet I've seen you on more than one conversation here and on both you are biased. I think you missed the whole point of this feature. This is about healing and pain that is indiscriminate both to men and women, not directing fault to either party. So slow your roll.

[@q33manthy]

Marriage = Man + Woman. Whatever problems that happen in marriage are a consequence of both parties and not just the man. Also, even if the man wants to work on his marriage and the woman isn't ready, it'll fail. Thus I find it unfair that you seem to suggest the marriages fail because the men are not compromising.

[@q33manthy]

@k chebet I totally understand someone not wanting to work on their problems because sometimes you just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also understand that no one wants to be married to a spouse who cheats. However, I have a problem with her saying men play the victim because that invalidates all the men going through actual problems in their marriages. It also invalidates the psychological turmoil that comes with the break down of the union and the resultant fear that a man experiences when his family life is on the line.

[@waceranjoki3442]

While an here praying and fasting God to give me a husband

[@dianak.8350]

Gal...same here..maisha..hmmm

[@waceranjoki3442]

@@dianak.8350 mungu atuonekanie haki

[@katush7959]

Ata mimi mungu ata tuonekania hii mwaka

[@perrybenson7188]

Nawaombea stay positive !

[@waceranjoki3442]

@@perrybenson7188 thenk you

[@valenteboso3676]

Never settle for less in a relationship and marriage, know your self worth!

[@rozeongaro]

Any form of separation is painful, divorce is an ugly thing, and as a church member and as a society we can't turn a blind eye to it. We should stand together and encourage ourselves in the Lord to see to it that no one will commit suicide bcs of divorce. Let's show each other Love...it conquers all

[@savanekemoli]

I like that you talk about being a catalyst. We should never have gotten married and NEVER had children together. So many red flags I chose to ignore. In my marriage we both were - he who cheated and me who shut down. Do I hate him no? Does he hate me? He continues to share that hatred - in my opinion - not just with me but with our children - in his mind there can only be one right and therefore the other one is wrong! I chose not to fight his thinking. And that has impacted our children. They have been forced to choose - and I chose not to fight their decision because I couldn't afford to financially support my children. He said to them their financial support depended on their loyalty to him. I told my babies to play to that - my relationship with them wouldn't be changed. It has been. i'm their financial failure and yet their emotional and psychological support. Im sorry I failed my babies in that respect, It's more than finance

[@bensonkamajr3723]

I have been married for 10 years now, and over the years it has been emotional and physicological torture. I have my flaws so does she, but she doesn't want to help me fix. I have said IT IS OVER more than 4 times but the thought of leaving the kids without their father has kept me home. My wife changed and her weapon is silence. We don't talk, she doesn't respond when i initiate conversations to solve our issues. She says all is ok. But it's not. I want to move on, I want to walk away and start afresh (I don't have a side chick fyi). I dont understand why I have to be with her when she doesn't express her feelings for me. I just feel our marriage is draining me as there is no emotional or physical support that I get. We have been in a sexless relationship for almost six months. I agree with these men, men are hurting in silence. I need help.

[@mweusimrembo890]

I wish you well, just share custody of your children! Your wife seems immature.

[@missrk6623]

Benson Kama Jr sorry to hear about the dread you are going through...to be honest marriages are in a mess and it takes two to tangle,and in this case she is not willing .Perhaps you could engage parents before making a crucial decision....Be strong

[@cherylokeyo]

That's the first step...recognising there is a problem. I pray that the days and weeks that follow it will be clearer what you need to do next. Hugs and prayers....

[@euniceomolo1502]

Benson, pole sana, but you need to Pray, God will guide you plus also get help/counseling for both of you.Please try citam they have free counseling.

[@margaretkamau3095]

Please try mutual dialogue & seek counselling ,got divorced but after 12 years both of us have realised we didn't give it a thought about our decision,we are both in regrets though we have moved on ,its so unfortunate but wish there was that chance .

[@graciakinyanjui6937]

voice abit low.. kudos to tis amazing dude,, speaking about it .. wow it talks courage

[@paulinekamau8476]

Oooh yes you must own your choices!! Very powerful

[@chasingclouds7101]

Do you guys have a support group for divorcees?

[@Gloriakerry]

Grace thankyou i thank God someone finally beat me to the game of creating awareness on this topic loveee you

[@maxlynlc2718]

Our problem is cultural- we have been conditioned to a narrative that 'Masculinity' means being strong. Hence men should not show weakness. Men are human, with feelings! It is about time men are 'given permission' to express themselves and this means being able to go to hospital and expressing mental health issues, sexual issues, discussing financial issues and marital issues openly etc without being made to feel that they should 'man up'. Consequently we will lower suicide epidemics, alcohol abuse, save marriages and also nurture the boy child which then enriches communities and generations.. may God heal our generation.

[@user-kpkxgtj]

I have a problem with this thinking though. Who is to give men permission to talk about their issues? Guys, GIVE EACH OTHER PERMISSION. Be someone a brother, a colleague, a friend can confide in. With all the times this sentiment comes up one would think it would be obvious by now. Be what you need to each other.

[@maxlynlc2718]

It was not meant literally. I was referring to what we perceive as norms in our society as not being ethical. So men should start by giving themselves permission.

[@TNJ-gn2gv]

Society IGNORES men, hence they do not express themselves. This is why men are not opening up not because of the sterotype that they have to be strong or show no weakness. If you were being ignored, would you express yourself to those ignoring you??

[@maxlynlc2718]

T NJ 6789 No! That's a mind boggling point you have raised. So would you say then that men are lonely in their struggles?

[@user-kpkxgtj]

Who is this society though? If we take it that society is at least 50% men, and say for arguement's sake that a solid half of it (the women) is not interested in hearing them out, that leaves a good number of people to potentially talk to - fellow men. I still feel it's their responsibility to make safe spaces for each other to talk and air out their issues. Who better to understand a guy's issue than a fellow guy? Who funny enough is also the one most likely to tell a man who's suffering to man up 😂. A large part of the solution is within themselves.

[@coolwaters7452]

My friend Marcus, mau God keep you and restore you

[@neyoschannel3760]

the best program ever.... men need this

[@GMJ777]

What stood out for me was how the program was ended. With the saying of carrying the load together. I for one have had to deal with depression on my own. Not because I wanted to. But because in the beginning the people I chose to reach out to did not have the best interests for me at heart. And this made the whole process more heart wrenching. Am grateful that I got out of it. But there are people out there dealing with it on their own because they have no where to turn to. So how would you help them out?

[@thejonzi]

Great conversation. Honest and searching. Kudos

[@JAchica11]

I think that truthful conversation should be the case even before you get married. Clear and free communication between the man and woman must begin in courtship and continue throughout marriage. Next, one must be willing to forgive. I think people are going for divorce too quickly.

[@realtalkwithLeila]

Thank you for this. Gives me a clear perspective on men's emotions. I always encourage people to be honest with themselves. If you want to get married, do it but if you don't make it clear from the start. Marriage isn't for everyone. Do what works for you. As Caroline Mutoko said, "Things don't go wrong, they start wrong."

[@SopranoSistah]

One of these men is clearly threatened by a wife’s right to express displeasure when/how she needs to (excluding violence of course) and with the right to expect her man to try to understand her too. But she needed a grown MAN for that. Funny he talks about “courage“ near the end. Total contradiction. He likely did her a favor by leaving.

[@willcarruth3951]

Please pray for the men and women still in that situation.

[@niasworld27]

Strong men! I hope they can find true love 💕

[@nathankibet9682]

Amen...depression is real

[@georgem5698]

There's nothing like true love, this guys should have never gotten married in the first place. Marriage laws are anti male, marriage is a scam & men are waking up to it. Google (1) MGTOW (2) men on strike (3) the marriage strike

[@niasworld27]

Well I believe marriage is not for everyone

[@Ndondiafrika254]

I hope they stop chasing the illusion of marriage....

[@mainadicksoni2959]

True

[@TinaKai25]

People get married for surface reasons. I believe we should be taught how to vet properly, how to identify red flags, how to communicate in a relationship etc People are winging it out here and hurting each other.

[@chocolateblended]

Work on me.. pray for them! 🙏

[@missrk6623]

Its something that messes up kids if they are in the picture as well...

[@rickomba]

Marriage is a dying institution. Women have been fed this idyllic notion about marriage when the opposite is true.

[@donwade9800]

This is a strange point to come to when it's the men in this video who have unrealistic perspectives on marriage

[@AFRICANGAZZELE]

I am Currently in a failing marriage, i have tried to no avail to rescue it. We just separated a few days ago, men the sh***t hurts! Worse am holed up in Europe with no support systems. On friday the 24th am being admitted in hospital for depression! What is life.

[@jacquelinemuthoni2569]

I'm so sorry, I hope you make it through the depression. Prayers your way🙏🏾

[@maureennganga7161]

@stephen Okumu truly sorry to hear that. And i pray that you are healed. I know its been a year. Refuse to be a victim of failure and accept that yes things might have not gone the way your imagined them but as long as you have life, you have a room to change everything to the way you imagined them

[@Muthonie]

Hi Stephen, May God The Lord bless thee, and keep you, The Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace. I may not understand what you are going through but I would like to wish you blessings to help you get through it

[@dellxp1742]

Jatelo, Alemonu gi jaber mondo Nyasaye Otelnu

[@princebethu368]

I will never marry.

[@q33manthy]

No marriage = No Divorce. Problem solved!

[@clickprofileimage]

Lol! You're right.

[@georgem5698]

@q33manthy, you're smart. I've been saying the same thing all my life. I'll never give that much power to a woman to ruin me using the law never. Bachelor 4 life.

[@q33manthy]

Exactly @@georgem5698. Especially now when most civil courts are likely to side with the woman when it comes to the kids and alimony. Acha nikae single.

[@georgem5698]

@@q33manthy, like I said, you know what's up. I hv an uncle who has been paying ALIMONY to his ex wife for more than 30yrs now. He's a doctor & so is she ( they met in campus), he still practices & so does she, all their kids are grown ( so the child support ended, fortunately) & hv left home, yet still he has to support an adult (ex wife) till today, who brutalized him leading to the divorce on top of all that he lost 100% of his property to his ex I.e (45 acres of very prime land), he was not even left with a 1/4 acre, where's the justice? this is EVIL. Fortunately, he is hard working & he has managed to rebuild himself once again but never remarried. STAY SINGLE.

[@q33manthy]

@@georgem5698 sad to hear about what your Uncle went through. I'm glad he moved on and got his life in order again. I doubt he'll ever remarry after having gone through all that.

[@steveirungu3132]

I would rather marry in secret than I marry to please my parents and family by Steve Irungu Jermaine

[@angiewamuchomba8106]

This is a Powerful Content..Good job Grace

[@kipepeo75]

Kudos Amani my former classmate. so glad you are soaring in the industry. so sorry about what you went through. its a difficult journey not that i have been there but i can just imagine!

[@zipporahwanjiru8598]

Thanks guys, you are oaks of strength, trusting strange public n opening up, kudos

[@jusmokaya]

I like the conversation...what hurts us is that we as men tend the problems to ourselves....but you can only carry so much...you need some one to give you a shoulder to learn on

[@abigaelkima2684]

You are so graceful Grace

[@Mdalasini]

Olang's cute smile....​

[@TNJ-gn2gv]

Marriage is fragile and it needs the participants to understand its fragility and to be interdependent. This current generation seems not to understand this. Either because of being raised in dysfunctional marriages and therefore dysfunctional families or being raised in a single unit family.

[@maureenwambui2992]

I had to pause and go subscribe to Amani's podcast first!

[@muthonisspace8020]

Me too

[@Jared1n]

Nice...sound person "wewe!"

[@rubysailor9186]

Two things causing these divorces, decline in our morals amongst our young men and women. Married women want to be controlling due to insecurity juu ya mpango wa kando culture and men cannot be trusted. Recipe for disaster. Add in laws to that and an inferno is created.

[@victorpeace8187]

Ok but like can we just appreciate Leapnotch for making us smile everyday

[@carolinemukundi4918]

Two brave men...kudos Marcus and Amani..

[@sarahmburu4706]

The only happiness is in Christ. I'm praying to raise a good Christian family one day 🙏🏽

[@batuliwanjallah5482]

As much as devorce is bad, it's better than wait and kill your spouce.

[@shijay4165]

🙏Amen..

[@edinahokoba7720]

This are two different things Batuli

[@idawairimu7093]

Waaa very sobering and difficult journey... Children are the most affected thru the whole ordeal...

[@greenbeartechnologies2813]

Would kindly share the social networks or contact details for this two guys. Am asking for the sake of my Brother and I fear the worst can just happen could they can be of help save my ailing brother. Thanks

[@floraarati3074]

Amani, I feel that if it is not just for the show, your experience has come with a lot of wisdom thereby bring Romans 8:28 to reality. Could would you use you to speak into marriages. How wonderful will it be if you worked out your challenges and reconcile with your wife. Forgiveness is one of the keys in successful marriages

[@Tony-im6ub]

Grace really has inner and outer beauty

[@maryowino9403]

The church is usually very judgemental when it comes to divorce and divorcees.

[@edithnjagi5847]

mary owino ... i agree with you, the church is judgemental on many aspects... i think sometimes it can even lead one hate church and christianity

[@wambuitracy4487]

Edith after so many things that l went through l hate the name 'brethren'. Fuck !

[@jeremybuzzki8272]

Divorce is definitely something to cringe over. However it is not a destination of despair. Men process divorce differently and in most cases deal with it internally. My final thought if it ever comes to choosing a partner find your best friend.

[@michaeldowd5545]

Go to her parents house and study her parents lifestyle. She will end up like her mother or her dad. Can you live with that. Let her come to your parents house, does she love their lifestyle. Can she live like that. A man needs to be secure finically and be happy in his own skin before he gets married. A woman will not fix you. You get married to build a family, it is a scrafice for both partners, where both people surrender to the family.

[@berylomollo3241]

Yes you cannot change your partner....but if their actions and behaviors is causing you pain, and he or she loves you. they will change

[@hannahkariuki8531]

This is a great program!!

[@steveirungu3132]

The church in Kenya it's hypocrisy I would rather go to clubs etc than I go to church by Steve Irungu Jermaine

[@Jackohango]

Are you guys still single? (Asking for a friend). Lakini, gym inaeza saidia kidogo, yo'll are handsome though.

[@cikumainone]

I was thinking the same thing. These men are so good looking but would look even better if they hit the gym.

[@kipepeo75]

Actually one of them was my former classmate! if they had not put up his name, I would not have recognized him. I'd be like, mmmh he looks familiar

[@eliciphanjuguna4605]

Quite an eye opener!

[@lobstrosnald3968]

WARNING! WARNING! DO NOT GET MARRIED! Stress tupu.YOLO!

[@somoyeotieno7450]

This is beautiful Grace!!

[@michaeldowd5545]

Beautiful show.

[@ItsWorkingTogetherForMyGood]

Genuine, raw and authentic.

[@ArkharinFlint1500]

I am a Kenyan man living abroad. Here's a suggestion for any man who happens to come across this comment. MGTOW. In case you are wondering what MGTOW is. It's an acronym for Men Going There Own Way. A philosophy/way of life that can spare men from the entirely unnecessary psychological carnage that is part and parcel of so-called romantic relationships, in both the historical and modern context. Men Going Their Own Way(Definition) is a statement of self-ownership, where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else. It is the manifestation of one word: “No”. Ejecting silly preconceptions and cultural definitions of what a “man” is. Looking to no one else for social cues. Refusing to bow, serve and kneel for the opportunity to be treated like a disposable utility. And, living according to his own best interests in a world which would rather he didn’t. Now I suspect I can anticipate many of the conventional or dare I say it traditionalist objections to such a "revolutionary" mindset that is not only necessary but may, in the long run, be mandatory for the modern man's survival. As I listened to this conversation, I deeply empathized with the pain these men are experiencing, because they are right for the male gender divorce is a kind of death. So allow me to expound on an alternate worldview, borne not of bitterness, anger or depression but acceptance of what the world truly is and how it works by countering the aforementioned anticipated objections. Objection No.1 What are you afraid of by delaying the marriage contract/wedding? Why are you lacking in commitment? There is a truism that is generally applicable to inter-gender dynamics in this post-feminist world of female empowerment. Women have options, men have responsibilities. This clear demarcating line between our respective psychologies stems from the simple fact that the female half of humanity has always been deemed to have intrinsic value due to there evolutionarily selected capacity to carry and bring life to term. Should you require an example of this look no further than the calls in any emergency for women and children to be saved first and if men die in the process, meh who cares. What has this to do with divorce you might ask? Its simple men are human doings, whereas women are human beings. Men's value lies in our utility. In every woman's mind, you will find the following questions in the mate selection process. Are you capable of being a provider, what's your earning potential and can you cater to my needs? At any point in a marriage should the man prove to be unsatisfactory in regards to these questions, he should be discarded as quickly as possible and milked for all he's got in alimony and child support. The solution to this is simple, don't get married. Objection No.2 Man up and be responsible. So far our civilization has only ever come up with one universally acceptable metric for masculine responsibility and surprise surprise its to get hitched and have kids. That in and of itself should tell you how primitive we are as a species. No responsibility cant possibly entail committing oneself to ponder the mysteries of reality or the attainment of a grand project that may be of immense benefit to mankind. Instead, we are expected to accept on blind faith that the hallmark of growing up is coughing up an exorbitant amount of money for a wedding and probably kicking of the marriage saddled with fairytale debt. Because that's precisely what weddings are fairytales, designed by marketers to prey upon and satiate every woman's desire to be a princess. Once the reality of the economic calamity that is the ceremony sinks in and becomes a mundane part of daily married life, the couple is then supposed to procreate. Of course, such considerations as the high probability that the prospective parents barely know who they are and are more than likely lacking the maturity to raise children doesn't even factor in the equation. You must have kids, society demands it. As Jon Stewart once said and I suspect only half in jest, being a parent is the perfect opportunity to mess up another human being from scratch. My advice to men is don't even think about having kids until you know you are ready, social expectations be damned. And when you do decide to produce a genetic heir, for the sake of all that is good and sane in this world DO NOT GET MARRIED to do it. See objection No. 1 for clarification. Objection No.3 Aren't you afraid of dying alone? Such a query is predicated on a number of suppositions. a) I fear death. I don't personally though I do love life. b) That kowtowing to this irrational preoccupation with pair bonding translates into a guarantee that I will be surrounded by my loved ones when my ticket to oblivion is finally punched. c) That I have any intention or indeed any interest whatsoever in growing old and dying in the first place. Spoiler alert, I don't as I self identify as a transhumanist. So let me paint you a picture for all those men inclined to use the fear of decrepit loneliness as a justification for signing the marriage contract. Even if you do marry a career-oriented lady who makes her own money. At some point, her biological clock will start ticking. It will then be "decided" that she will become a full-time stay at home. Because let's face it no one really wants to work themselves to an early grave and men only do it because we have to in order to support the family. So here we find ourselves, back in the traditional gender roles despite the fact that your dear loving wife spent her teens and twenties railing against this medieval nonsense. She like so many of her generation had bought into the feminist lie of career based fulfillment for the female gender, but I digress. After all, how could I possibly understand the nature of female experience and the precarious position they occupy in a male-dominated society. I.e. read from a woman's perspective as my being an apologist for the oppressive, misogynistic patriarchy and as such you hurt muh feelings. In any case, reality has won out over feminist aspirations and the onus of providing for the family falls on you the man. We all know what that entails, 60 to 80 hour weeks in a back-breaking soul-crushing grind to climb the corporate ladder. Of course, that doesn't leave much time or energy for date nights and kindling the fire of romance, whatever that means. It doesn't take long before the supportive partner you thought you married vanishes and is replaced by a bitter whinging emotional vampire. You don't appreciate her and all the things she does for you. You don't validate her existence by placing her at the center of your universe. You work too much. All you care about is your career that's putting food on the table and paying for all the stuff she insists on buying. Soon after that, she becomes frigid and the sex is cut off. From there it's an unstoppable spiral to divorce. As is to be expected she is awarded sole custody of the children you had together and you become for all intents and purposes a stranger in their lives. The end result is the same, one way or the other you will die alone so why bother. Objection No.4 But if all men go MGTOW, won't that be the end of humanity. Ha if only such an outcome were even remotely possible. The truth is the vast majority of men like all those humans used as an energy source in the matrix film trilogy would rather do just about anything including dying than escape bonds they don't even know they are shackled by. So no there is no risk of human extinction just yet. The message of MGTOW is for those men who will not compromise in the pursuit to live as they please. TLDR. Gentlemen, it's high time you came to the realization that this game of marriage and the nuclear family is rigged against men both from within i.e. our own culturally reinforced preconceptions of what it means to be a man and from without. Stop playing and save yourselves while you still can.

[@09Dorcas]

Boy child under siege.Will just agree with Apostle Paul...it is better for a man not to marry.

[@bonfacemacharia8712]

Too long

[@suziethebride2018]

Thank you for speaking out

[@steveirungu3132]

I would rather live alone than I walk down the aisle to me it's a hell NO by Steve Irungu Jermaine

[@kyocerascans9475]

what an insight......!

[@rose7117]

This was very insightful ...

[@lastborn2044]

I think I need therapy too to get rid of the kind of hatred I have for my ex husband..... even if someone mentions his name to me just his name messes up my whole day moods. .I really hate him to a point that anyone who tells me anything abt him I just block them........we separated wen my child was 10month now she is 5yrs en she doesn't know her dad coz I did everything to get rid of him in all the child documents........am still single coz I feel every man will do the same to me

[@JaneDoe76664]

My sister give yourself time to heal, mentally, spiritually, emotional and even physically because I know it feels like your heart broke and shattered. I know I use to physically feel pain in my heart. So my sister there is no set time for healing and acceptance process. You will need to forgive him daily some days will be harder than others. Hatred will creep back but don't be hard on yourself, pray again and ask God to help you forgive. It takes time. Soon you will learn forgiveness is for you not for him. Take back your power. He doesn't deserve to live rent free in your mind and hold remote control to change your mood when you hear his name. That is too much power to give to human being. Release him, ask Go to assist you, cut soul ties. Release him back to God. Be kind to yourself, you will heal in time.

[@lastborn2044]

@@JaneDoe76664 ur right my dear .....I'll definitely do this

[@eddahtoroitich83]

Pole sana. May God give you peace.