REALLY Get To Know Me: 3 Personal Secrets About My Past

It's a year into my KZbin channel, and to everyone, especially those of you who've followed me since the Makeup_Box Tumblr days, THANK YOU and you guys made me feel safe enough to share some personal things about myself and my life.
I have been very blessed in most ways, and if my sharing can be a way to pay it forward and help other people who may be struggling, then here we go.
[P.S. sorry for some glitchy backup music towards the end of the video! Some of the sound clips were shifted accidentally during editing.]
1.
I used to be a singer-songwriter. I've played the piano since before I was 3. But my time in the music industry was the most brutally painful time career wise, but I can still laugh about it and share my experience for those of you who are curious,
If you're into Mando-pop I wrote under the name 陈科妤.
My only official recorded English track, "The Walk" • 陳科妤 The Walk 0001
2.
I am a recovered Anorexic. At my worst I weighted 37kg / 81lbs soaking wet. I've never relapsed in the past 13 years after recovery. This is a bit about my experience and if you need someone to talk to or different ways to cope with anxiety or self-loathing because you're struggling, please drop me a message.
Something that you're enslaved to cannot be empowering you.
3.
I never intended to be a blogger or beauty influencer of any sort.
In fact, I almost quit social media a couple of years ago because I got so burnt out and felt so fake and shallow, spending tons of money on trendy things and helping to perpetuate that myth of a perfect fake life online for likes and follows.
Many young people now are depressed and have low self-esteem because of the illusion of an ideal life that influencers and celebrities constructed, and I don't want to be part of that problem.
MUSIC
Duce Williams - Love You
Candice Chen - The Walk
#eatingdisorder #anorexiarecovery #musicindustry #popmusic #amei #thewalk #beauty #makeup #vlogger #socialmedia #realitystar #kardashian

[@IamCandiceKC]

It actually wasn't as hard to talk about some of this stuff as I thought! Not that I ever tried to hide them... I'm pretty open with people in my life about things like eating disorder etc. But I've been pretty blessed and I think I should pay it forward. It's really not about how many times you fall down. If my sharing helps one more person to get back up, then it's time well spent.

[@CUBEgenre]

I started reading about your makeup, skincare and perfume musings years ago on tumblr and Dayre! I loved your Dayre account! I still remember the series of posts you did on finding the perfect Long wearing products (including a red lipstick) for your wedding because you were going to do your own makeup! That was so cool. I’m so Glad you started posting on KZbin and that you enjoy the audience and interaction here. I’m sure your following will keep growing, as more people come to appreciate your informed take on beauty that is such a breath of fresh air. Really Glad we got to know more about you through this video!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you sooo so much for the years of support babe hahaha. I enjoyed the Dayre days cos it was so topical and more relaxed and casual. But it never had the sort of explosive growth of Instagram and I ended up focusing on it more just for that reason. (And then didn't enjoy anymore until I finally started to do video clips on IGS cos it actually brought me a lot more comments and interactions with you guys again.)

[@micelia5230]

Glad to see more of your videos and thanks for sharing.

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you Micelia!!

[@starraln1670]

Agree with Amy: You speak so elegantly and concisely, and listening to your experiences shows how strong you are as a person! Love all your videos! You are so pretty and talented!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you so much for the sweet, sweet comment Starra!!

[@lipstickrulesmylife]

Thanks for sharing pieces of your life with us.

[@IamCandiceKC]

Hey Susie, thank you for listening and for always taking the time to engage with me!!

[@amypam04]

You speak so elegantly and concisely, and listening to your experiences shows how strong you are as a person and how much you were able to grow. Thank you for sharing, I was able to take so much away from this and I think many others will too. You are such a wonderful person to watch and listen to, thank you for all your videos!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you so much for sharing your very kind comment Amy!!

[@SugarberriesT]

I've followed you since your early Tumblr days, and what actually drew me to you were your tutorials and eye shots. I loved the color combos you came up with and just the unique products you used. You dabbled in everything, from Asian to Western to supplier brands like TKB. I definitely noticed when your blogging style changed and when you stopped posting all together, so I'm glad to see you back. Also, thanks for sharing about your eating disorder. I suffered as well when I was younger, and it's taken a long time before I could talk to others about it. Sometimes I'm down and hard on myself--just random negative thoughts--but I'm glad that I haven't relapsed either and can enjoy the foods I want. Of course, I work out pretty hard as well, and I do think it's partly because of my eating disorder back then. No, I'm not obsessive, but it's also a form of control.

[@IamCandiceKC]

Stay strong Christina!! So happy to hear you recovered. We will always have self doubts when life gets tough but it’s such a freedom not to have to obsess over what to eat and not eat every waking moment, that I don’t want to ever go back to that! If you ever need to talk to someone, you know where I am.

[@wantingchiang446]

I followed you way back in tumblr. Always found you so inspiring and beautiful.

[@blubbera1969]

Thank you for sharing this interesting information about yourself. It is obvious to me that you are a very intelligent, articulate, skilled and driven toward perfection. Your videos are the best- beautifully filmed, so informative, edgy and fun to watch. They are obviously very labor intensive as you try on all the products rather than just swatching them on your hand. Not that shooting for numbers or popularity should be the focus as you know if you want to stay mentally healthy, still, I hope that you organically through the integrity of your work gain the subscribership that you deserve. I honestly don't understand KZbin and how it works. I had been on the market for a Pat McGrath palette and your video never popped up during my exhaustive search or I would have discovered you much sooner and picked a different palette. I am just rediscovering the world of beauty at age 50 as a Chinese-American physician as a way to play with color and destress. Have always loved makeup but never had the time or patience, or know how to immerse myself. KZbin has empowered a lot of people and given them the confidence to put aside fears and jump in. Of course I cannot do the dramatic looks at my age but can still admire them. You are so right that almost everyone does makeup the same way as it were the only or right way to do it, and it actually doesn't look that great and is mostly not applicable to Asian features. That is one reason why it was so refreshing to see unique approach which is somewhat avant-garde yet applicable to Asians but honestly anyone could benefit from watching your videos. Please keep up the good work!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you SO much for this detailed and really encouraging comment Roberta! It means a lot to hear this; I think a lot of Asians (not all) are less confident with experimental makeup looks due to some under-representation but it’s really starting to change, so I feel privileged to be doing this! Regardless, I feel this pace of growth allows me to retain a certain quality of viewers LOL! The more mentally-mature people who enjoy beauty but understand it’s just fun and creativity at the end of the day. No drama! Thank you for being here and for sharing!

[@carolina5370]

Hi! I started following you on your tumblr and dayre days as well; you turned me onto indie/BPAL fragrances! I was in high school when I first found your blog and I'm about to graduate college now. I remember rereading your posts when I was really stressed about school and social situations. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!

[@IamCandiceKC]

So so glad it helped you through some of your stressful days sweetie!! I think that’s what I loved about makeup and reading/watching other people’s content as well. Just being able to focus on a small happy thing and relax for awhile. Hope you’ve been doing great and thanks so much for sharing!!

[@guanruwang6958]

Came across your channel. I remember 鬥魚 nice meeting you virtually.

[@IamCandiceKC]

OMG you actually remember that show hahahaha. Nice to meet you too!!

[@_juju_5]

thank you Candice, we all go through things in our personal lives which make us the better stronger person we are today. thanks for sharing such personal secrets from yours, we feel like we know you better already, and support you even more if that's possible :) looking forward to more of your IG posts/videos as i always find them very inspiring and informative. i always enjoy our IG chats, which have educated me so much on skincare/makeup.

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you so much Joanne, for continuing to leave messages and support for my content!! I enjoy all the conversations and chats definitely!

[@noxmoonyisadork]

I love you 💗 I honestly always enjoy hearing your insights into whatever you're trying/reviewing. It just exudes such love and passion, I can totally feel that you're genuinely interested in makeup/fragrances and that really does it for me. I didn't know a whole lot about your personal life but I'm very glad to have seen this. I feel like I got to see another aspect of you. Many of the things you mentioned are very important to take note of and something that is very relevant to current times as well. I'm just really thankful you share your vast knowledge, experience and enthusiasm with the world. A few years ago when I first discovered you through your blogspot, I found your Instagram and trust me when I say this.. It was one of the only few things I had to look forward to everyday. I was extremely depressed and was going through a very difficult time in my life and watching your stories, posts and KZbin videos always made me happy and took me away from all the pain and suffering I was going through. I don't really follow a lot beauty bloggers except very very few, so this was something very significant for me. So yeah... Thank you for being your amazing, honest and vibrant self. I just adore how you don't restrain makeup to be something that has to have 10 million steps or can't be something to feel, enjoy and play around with. I'm very grateful for your presence on the internet 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[@IamCandiceKC]

Ahhh thanks sharing for such a lovely and heartfelt comment sweetie!! You know what? We all help each other through hard moments in different ways. Chatting with you guys also helps me unwind, and I’m just happy that some of us are finding sources of joy on the internet!

[@Hattie-qd2hd]

I've followed you since blog days but never knew many things you talked about this time. Your infos and techniques always helpful as I am Asian and have different facial figure from many beauty influencers on YT. You've done a great job! Go Girl!! And stay healthy!!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you so much Hattie!! Haha I'm glad you found my content helpful, and I'm definitely going to stick to posts that I think will be useful/helpful to people, at least show how things work so you guys can decide if you like it or not!

[@msleecube]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot to be so open and honest about our own failures and vulnerabilities. Thank you for being so brave in this brutal world of social media. I’d love to see your platform continue to become more personal, so that your audience can get to know you and your philosophies behind makeup and beauty.

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you so so much for the encouraging words babe!!!

[@adventures_by_sunday6480]

Thanks for being so yourself in this video! Totally agree with what you say about social media and I share the same sentiments.

[@IamCandiceKC]

♥️♥️♥️

[@yvett3love]

Thank you for sharing! ❤️ I chanced upon your channel and love the content here 😊 Keep up the great work!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Thank you so much Charissa! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ And welcome to the channel!!

[@qianruchan3914]

Thank you for sharing! It was interesting to hear about your life x

[@IamCandiceKC]

Hi babe glad you found it interesting hahahha. Thanks for watching!!

[@winnietan7404]

You have a good voice.

[@IamCandiceKC]

💋💋😆 thanks Winnie!

[@melloe]

So interesting to hear more about your life, what a fascinating story. I always loved the eye looks you did on your blog - it was so rare to find a fellow Asian who did vibrant eyeshadow looks. Agree that social media can be so fake and boring; I don't know how people can stand to follow influencers who just post facetuned selfies every day. These days I'd much rather play Animal Crossing or spend time cooking than looking at Instagram. If you're going to share more about your life, please let us see more of your kitty! :)

[@IamCandiceKC]

Hahahaha omg my kitties (well one of them) would love nothing more than to photobomb everything. I will try to get her in one video soon!

[@kinokonini142]

Must be the hardest decision to make to come back to Singapore. Takes a lot of courage and strength to make that decision and recover from all that. I guess there's a story behind even a cool person like you.

[@Luckychopper123]

姐姐加油

[@nadineF]

So ages ago you were 18? You look like a gorgeous 18 yo now.

[@IamCandiceKC]

Hahahahah that's sooo kind of you Nadine!! I am 39 this year!!

[@nadineF]

Makeup Box OMG what? Are they you sure? Maybe someone double counted your years? 🤣 I kid you not, you look really young. You have beautiful complexion and for sure you know how to take good care of yourself. Congratulations!

[@IamCandiceKC]

Hahaha 💋💋💋 you’re too sweet. Thank you Nadine. (It DOES help to have been obsessed with skincare since I was 20...) 🤣

[@dantoh1446]

Eat, sleep, love and encouragement I provide. YoDan.