Rebuilding after the Narcissist - The Importance of Emotional Regulation

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Found this useful? Subscribe to the channel: kzbin.info/door/08b9iP-5KhbWOndNEeVZSw Have questions? A topic you'd like me to cover? email me: [e-mail]

[@dmc1806]

Thank you so much, your a good man Ian. GOD BLESS YOU AND THE PATH YOU TAKE IN LIFE AMEN✝️. 4RM DUBLIN 🇮🇪.

[@dmc1806]

You gave me a different outlook on my own life and trauma. I don't want to rock the boat but different days better days. BETTER THAN THE DARK PLACE I WAS IN. 💯🤝THANK YOU IAN. 4RM 🇮🇪.

[@raginald7mars408]

... as a German Biologist - we can look at ourselves - WHY we resonate with something . And when we are in Dis Sonance, Ant Agonism. Why we become obsessed and addicted. Why Ad Vertisement works so well... It is hard Endurance Training for a Lifetime . To develop emotional InDependance, Immunity. Clear No Tres Passing Zones and Zero Tolerance. Then we do not fall for any kind of Ad Vertisement. In Neuro Biology it is calming the HPA Axis to enable the Frontal Cortex for clear Thought, Analysis, Concentration and consistent behaviour. To be truthful and honorable in the vastest sense. Once this is damaged - it is difficult to recover. Marathon Running, intense Anaerobic training . Deep concentration, hard study of difficult things. Is a way of restoration, But we will be vulnerable all our life. Like any recovering addict. Recover...stay sober...

[@KatesTake]

Great video! It's important to sit with the emotion to understand where it is coming from and why you are feeling the way you are feeling, in order to respond rather that react. I have also come to understand that I was taking on other people's emotions and this was affecting me. I am now able to empathize without becoming overwhelmed. I cry a lot too, I embrace that as part of who I am. Emotional regulation is SO important. Learning and growing everyday!

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I think you are right about taking on other people's emotions. I think coming away from it, that's one thing I don't feel like I can even begin to consider. Anyone who seems remotely emotionally unstable causes me a bit of anxiety and makes me want to steer clear. Keep going Cathy, hope all is well!

[@amyd1549]

Very true. I am just glad inner peace is what to have found. The divorce will be final soon. No contact has worked for me. It has helped me be me again.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Glad to hear you will be clear soon. It must feel quite liberating!

[@ozuniamh]

This is one of the best videos that I have ever watched

[@claras873]

I just recently found your videos. Your content is for certain the best and most genuine I've come across so far. I could listen to you all day.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Glad you've found it helpful.

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

Great advice! I’m also UK 🇬🇧 based. Recently discovered your channel and binge watching. Noticed that you haven’t posted for over a year. How are you? Hope all is well. x

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Glad you found the videos useful. It's been about 2 years. I may post some more soon. I've learned loads over the last two years which I think may be useful to others.

[@dmc1806]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 well your too nice a man to keep the knowledge you worked hard for too your self lol. glad to hear your doing ok pall. Your a genuine Bloke. GOD BLESS YOUR PATH AMEN✝️.thank you from a Father and grandfather from IRELAND 🇮🇪.

[@Lobat92]

Seattle is the worst in February and exactly the same climate as you're describing. It's brutal.

[@karoshi2]

Just listened to Hurt due to your reminder and yes it's very sad. Another one that hit me recently: Sound of Silence (actually I prefer the version by Disturbed). "Silence like a cancer grows" hit me so deeply!

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

3:00 "I hate February" I feel you yes. Maybe you can go to.a cabin with some friends still I feel you I cycle daily most of the year did yesterday We have really destroyed nature and the climate which doesn't help

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

"dark dark dark ' yes i paint ih the day light

[@suzannefehr5253]

Great advice. Very helpful. Thanks-

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Thanks Suzanne, hope all is ok with you.

[@mych59]

Thank you very much

[@MsMath1331]

Thanks so much for your videos! Such helpful insights. Sorry about your experiences.Keep up with the good job helping,informing others.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Glad it was helpful

[@davidrivela3205]

I have no idea how you got threw 20 years... My narc was most definitely a malignant and the minute the game changed (I stuck up for myself) she discarded me and stole all my money, destroyed my social life etc. Etc.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I think it's probably because I had my own issues I was unaware of, and my ex was a covert narcissist. It wasn't always bad, but it was always wrong.

[@davidrivela3205]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 I couldn't of said it any better myself. I hated the constant test and all the times they tell you how they ran into one of your friends or family members when it never happened and it was just to get you thinking. Gaslighting wasn't any fun either...

[@davidrivela3205]

I as well had my own issues that fed into hers but also saved me a couple of times by pulling back from my anxiety of abandonment.

[@karoshi2]

@@davidrivela3205 I think most of us have had their own issues. There is usually a reason to pick a narcissist in the first place (and be picked by them), stay in the relationship and also support it, etc. E.g. I loved to give, even beyond what's sustainable. Not only money, but also affection and moral support. Had the same issues at work. I loved to give, she loved to take. That made us a dream team at first - until the flow got unhealthy. Things broke apart when I just couldn't give more, physically. I begged for some sleep and we had serious fights over that. I slept maybe 3 hours a day, usually with interruptions. For years! Can't believe today that I was stupid enough to even do that. On the other hand: I made breakfast for the kids, brought them to school and kindergarten. So that was my time with them. In hindsight it was lucky she didn't get up early enough for breakfast, but angry enough for a good shouting in the morning. "Lucky" as the latter forced me to reduce sleep so that I would protect the kids from her unregulated emotions. Super seldom I asked her to please do the next morning when the night at work was predictably getting really really long. Woke up to her yelling and the kids crying and the following days I would be in trouble for daring to sleep. Hadn't it been forced, it would have had a really really bad butterfly effect years later during custody battles. Whew! So I usually sneaked through the house like Cinderella. Did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, prepared breakfast, then woke the kids and got them ready. Cleaned table and floor again (kids and breakfast, you know? 😍), all using a broom, trying to not hit the floor or table as that might wake her up and immediately upset. Usually around leaving time she finally woke up, yelled and ordered the kids to do whatever. Had hoped so often she would just stay asleep so it doesn't end up in chaos during the very last few minutes again... but I'm running off the track. TL;DR: guess issues in the partner of the narc are common. Had some for sure, and reasons to explain them. Wish you all the very best!

[@Tara-li6pg]

@@karoshi2 you've just described my ex too exactly like this. Every morning she'd wake up angry and I was my job to soothe her throughout the day and by the time dinner was done the house was tidy etc etc. She finally gave me some love in the evening just to wake up to her being an intolerable cow the next morning and the cycle began again. And it's interesting you mention the disturbed sleep because she used to violently wake me up claiming I was snoring or whatever but a couple of times she did it I wasn't even asleep. I could go on but I relate to a lot of these comments in my own way.

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

I get intense triggers too sometimes its okay you are processing

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

"2-3 hours a day walking my dogs" that is so great me too but no dogs I either train indoors or sprint hike long distance until cycle season

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

any activity is good activity if it's outdoors!

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 I am ASD & I have spent most of my life outdoors I own the largest locally sourced Devonian fossil collection in the entire north shore

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 I am exactly like all these women kzbin.info/www/bejne/hKioeWyLnpl7jJo we are 5x more likely to be raped than neurotypicals When you said your narc made up stories of being abused it made me extremely ill you need proof for things like that I hate fake abuse surivors they make our lives really really hard & we attract more abusers just like you also observe in your videos

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 if more people dont go outside daily locally even in bad weather we will not survive as a species & there will be no need for computers of quantum computers anyways

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 im grateful for your time & energy it adds to my life thank you for giving us all your time & energy so that it adds not detracts from our life

[@annbressie8615]

Very helpful. This has been so hard

[@kathyt.8822]

Thanks...i ride mlm motorcycles as well....if you need a break....fly to USA and I can take you on a motor bike tour....best to you

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

It's actually something i've wanted to do for a long time. Doing a coast to coast US/Canada tour is something I aim to do in the next year or two.

[@kathyt.8822]

I am east coast...in nc...have a free night or three here when you come ...I can help show you nc sc va tn ky oh and so on....I call it cycle therapy....instead of psychotherapy

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I might just take you up on that!

[@kathyt.8822]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 sure thing stay in touch I know riders around here all look out for one another....would be fun to get a group together and ride

[@mortgagetalkwithsteve9041]

Thank you for this video it's month four and I'm still hurting I saw the covert narcissist with a couple men around my neighborhood older men actually one was 75 I'm 56 and she's 40 and then I saw her on an escort website so what really sickens me is the two and a half years that I was with her she was an escort and never told me she lied about where she worked she never introduced me to family she never slept over and all I did was I gave and gave and gave she told me she was raped she had PTSD and I fell for the bait lesson learned

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Push through it, and don't beat yourself up. I'd recommend focusin on what may have been lacking in yourself that you missed or ignored the warning signs.

[@mortgagetalkwithsteve9041]

Thank you for your kind words and that's exactly what I'm doing I'm working on myself I've taken up photography I'm a mortgage broker I was accepted to an art crawl everything's going very well and I'm learning more and more about narcissism you're a wonderful man I'm sorry for what you went through and together we will all pull through this peace ✌️

[@apple1234iou]

You seem a very open with you feelings. Has being with a narcissist made you my open?

[@collie8]

no insult, just joke - you like Vulcan mentality, to make the most rational decisions and yet you stayed 18 years with manipulator :) See the pattern? Sometimes it's better to go with your guts. BTW Tuvok in Voyager had similar issues, sometimes he blew up.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I think the difficulty I had is that my own emotional lack of development in certain areas, prevented me from making rational decisions.

[@collie8]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 after I wrote this I watched your next video where you reflected this gut topic. I can understand that for high-intelligent people like you it might be difficult to make decisions just by your guts, when you lack other direct evidence. It's a thing what the narcissist count on - endless benefit of the doubt + wishful thinking of targets.