Red Flag Phrases Emotionally UNAVAILABLE Men Tell Women | Relationship Advice

[@JonathonAslay]

FREE Discovery Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching

[@maggiehaines2203]

Question Personal Question What's Your Favourite Children's Book ? Big Hugs Keep Writing Sharing Giving and Trusting ♥️

[@dianehawkins2915]

Red Flag: explore friends only. He said that but we have greater feelings. He is afraid of being hurt. We are now not talking. Although I believe we will have a real relationship in the near future. We are too much for each other.

[@dianehawkins2915]

We care too much for each other

[@dianehawkins2915]

Question: we talked a yr and a half ago. I didn’t remember it. He found me. But only wanted friends. He’s afraid of being hurt. But we both care more for each other. Not talking now. What can resolve this?

[@dpharrison7]

I've heard it was the females fault for the break up and that he worked a lot. I came to realize it was his lack of communication not his job. He wanted more of companionship not a relationship. I'm learning to ask better questions

[@redhead6360]

I uprooted to move to a long distance relationship and it didn't last 1 year. I lost a lot of money and all my home furniture. I had to relocate again and start all over to leave him. Plus the years it took to emotionally recover my self and well being.

[@vhayashi7369]

I gave up on dating apps too because they're mostly narcissists and they just breadcrumbed... Wasn't for me. I learned about manifesting and met my dream guy... I learned how from watching Manifest with Jasmine... Changed my life! I knew I had to meet someone raw organically in person and I have never been happier!

[@lorrainetavares1308]

vhayashi Wowserrrss!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! That's amazzzing & I'm sooo very pleased for you & that proves that we can ALL be in very similar circumstances with this amazing, manifesting positivity!!!

[@cathychase663]

Oh yeah - breadcrumbing

[@Italiza587]

Yes, this gives me hope. I have never been comfortable with dating apps. I as well have been studying manifesting and are seeing things change in my personal life. I also cut my time on watching dating base videos. To me it gets too depressing and negative after a while. It has you looking for mostly negative signs and I believe where attention goes energy flows. When I begin to change what I believe about my self and what I think. I noticed certain types of men do not come and approach me, which is a good thing.

[@casperinsight3524]

My take on the person you're dating who says they're just seeing what's out there while dating you is saying that you're just an option not a priority.

[@lorrainetavares1308]

ABSOLUTELY EXACTLY: SO VERY TRUE!!!

[@sweetcapricorn]

So. Its like how dare you think I would be an option..? Its must be working women have to be accepting this crap 🙄

[@casperinsight3524]

@@sweetcapricorn Unfortunately so many women of all ages don't know their worth so get taken advantage of. They think their value is determined by being placed in direct competition with others and being chosen by that one person validates their worth. So sad that its actually de-valuing them and themselves. Sisters should support one another and snub the player, not each other.

[@leamcgiboney821]

I had dated a guy for almost a year. We were talking about a mutual friend and her boyfriend moving in together. He said, "I just can't see myself playing house with you." My response, "I want that kind of relationship, so, why should I keep wasting my time on you?" He was shocked.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Good, you, you spoke your truth, and found out there was no future.!

[@staceywood7800]

You wasted a year. 😘

[@leamcgiboney821]

@@staceywood7800 nothing is ever a waste. It was a good learning experience to be more discerning. 😉

[@kimkoch3272]

In the past, while using daring sites…… so, many men are newly single. Red flag, my ex girlfriend is here (at the place we were) and seemed to want to make her jealous? If your NOT ready to be in a relationship, stay off dating sites!!!!!!!!! I gave the sites up, i have gone on dates with too many, men, who are riddled with “ red flags”

[@SJ-ow7ui]

When they NEVER tell you how they feel about you. Never compliments you.

[@jenniferl1908]

This live was great and so many men use these phrases on dating apps and show their RED FLAGS right away! I will share another Red Flag is don't be my ex which I guess is like saying all women are crazy and dramatic. I actually saw a man write "please save me" and get me off this this dating app; he needs to learn to save/love himself. I have to share that I have had more ONE DATE WONDERS in the pandemic due to men not healing or doing any inner work. One man had a full blow panic attack on me and another discussed his childhood trauma from boarding school. Vomiting your issues right away lacks any boundaries/self awareness and is also a RED FLAG. I pray we all find the right partner. Hugs.

[@chilloften]

Please explain why discussing childhood trauma is red flag, I need learning on this topic.

[@juneelle370]

Check out Crappy Childhood Fairy~she has some videos on this :)

[@HelaineChersonsky]

Me, too, blessings to all.

[@sandysmom100]

I have female friends. But a lot of my friends have passed away .My best friend has ! I don't trust many ppl cuz of bad relationships including my marriage or friendships w.females that have stolen from me years ago.

[@kcnnanna]

@@chilloften you're not his therapist you are somebody that is trying to get to know someone else to detect compatibility that is all. Vomiting your childhood traumas or any very personal information so early on creates false intimacy which is very misleading.

[@CD-ct6fc]

I’ve heard: So and so likes me, but I would not do anything with her, because she’s dating my friend. He said that in front of me, so disrespectful.

[@missta1820]

He is a rude idiot. Think about dropping him.

[@duckylucky8319]

Leave him now.

[@Reshme77]

Run

[@jackiesingleton5797]

One thing I hear them say is "I'm trying to see what's out there" Why do Men say that same tired line!?

[@barefootaquatics]

I see that in women’s profiles also…..

[@veronicasmith1460]

No imagination?

[@barefootaquatics]

@@veronicasmith1460 Possibly…… the various genders are as similar as we are different…..

[@lynnanderson1923]

You hit the nail on the head Jonathan! One guy I dated blew hot and cold and messed with my head and had the cheek to call me bipolar! That's just abuse!

[@JonathonAslay]

I hear ya...

[@donnaevans7733]

I would've told the person to kiss my bipolar ass.

[@xlx077]

That’s totally gaslighting! Im so glad you’re out of it

[@lynnanderson1923]

@@xlx077 I know right!

[@ddiva511]

I think him the fact he blew hot and cold is possibly him being bipolar

[@ladytammy6886]

Any sign of a red flag ladies, RUN!! Don't ignore that initial first instinct, it's ALWAYS RIGHT!!

[@agathemassa-tumba4448]

Red flags: Am looking for something short term Am just playing I want my freedom

[@jasonreid1332]

Totally agree texting is draining. I will always take a face to face date, but If we cannot get together that day 2nd best is a phone call.

[@TeaRose9]

I completely agree with less texting and more phone calls and then face to face time.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@dawnrhodes6409]

First comment??! I'm reading What The Heck Is Self Love Anyway and I love the nuggets of wisdom it gives! Just getting on the dating app and meeting men and your advice is invaluable to me. Thank you for being the "big brother" I need.

[@JonathonAslay]

Awe... thank you 😊

[@angiej4865]

I'm only a few minutes in...ex boyfriend told me all previous girlfriends went crazy! (His term). I immediately recognised this as a red flag. He eventually revealed himself to be on the autistic spectrum. Certain traits that initially appeared to be quirky became more intense, disfunctional and unattractive causing me a great deal of anxiety and upset. So, he did indeed drive me crazy...

[@lorrainetavares1308]

WOW!!! Scary & thank God that you escaped!!! ALWAYS thoroughly check someone out before you even think of getting involved with them as you never know!!!

[@coastaldiva]

Wow girl glad you found out

[@Stacelicious]

I mean, I get it because I'm on the spectrum, but if he is on the autism spectrum, imagine what a great deal of anxiety he faces daily. Having autism can make socializing really difficult. Autistic partners aren't for everyone, but a little compassion and understanding can go a long way 🫂

[@lorrainetavares1308]

WOW!!! A MASSIVE, BIG, RED FLAG!!! THANK GOD YOU SAVED YOUR OWN PRECIOUS LIFE!!! I WAS ALSO IN AN EXTREMELY ABUSIVE, SO CALLED FORCED "MARRIAGE": WITH A VERY VIOLENT, JEALOUS, ALCHOHOLIC, DRUG ADDICT BULLY: FOR FOUR FRIGHTENING YEARS OF ABSOLUTE, SHEER, TERRIFYING, LITERAL "HELL ON EARTH" AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE IN FRONT OF OUR SCREAMING, TERRIFIED, LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD GIRL!!! BUT, THE LORD GOD MIRACULOUSLY RESCUED ME AND I AM SOOO VERY ETERNALLY THANKFUL, GLORY TO GOD!!!

[@lorrainetavares1308]

AT THE VERY FIRST SIGNS OF ANY KIND OF VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSIVE, CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR: PLEEEASE L E A V E ASAP AS IT WILL DEFINITELY ONLY ESCALATE AND BECOME VERY DANGEROUS!!! THIS CAN HAPPEN TO MALES AND FEMALES AND IN HETEROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS!!! I AM A SUSRVIVOR OF SO CALLED "DOMESTIC ABUSE": IE: "ATTEMPTED MURDER": WHICH IN ANY OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD BE CALLED: VERY VIOLENT ASSAULT AND EVEN ATTEMPTED MURDER: WHICH IT VERY SADLY CAN OFTEN END UP BEING!!!

[@StaceyBing]

Final note (before I just listen): if you think it's a red flag, it probably is. Yet, it's worth taking the time within yourself to explore why it is a personal red flag to you.

[@MeMe-ii1nc]

The guys with lots of female friends are almost always an issue. They’ve either slept with some of them or often would if given the opportunity. These red flag guys also love to brag about their exes and tell you way more detail than you ever needed to know about their past relationships. Another red flag is guys who idolize the beauty of celebs and make sure you know how beautiful they think the celebs are. Womanizer city.

[@JonathonAslay]

I understand

[@CM-sy3to]

My ex exactly! He never had any guy friends to do sports with or just hang out. Just a posse of women to flirt with and then claim I had a problem if I was jealous. I doubt he was ever faithful.

[@pheneriagonzalez1650]

Yes I drop mine just meant him and I seen it for myself 🤣😂🤣 I drop his ass fast it's to much out here to be having lady friend

[@ivettea5368]

It’s 3am & boy did I need to hear this , totally resonated. Spoke w really nice guy and just separated & moved across the country to SFL after 25 yrs ! Has not given himself time to desintazgle .

[@JonathonAslay]

Gotcha

[@kaysayer2231]

Red flag comment:. No houses. He meant not going to each others' homes!

[@gertrudelisehahn2996]

He sounds married

[@jackiewhitaker4684]

He’s married or lives with someone.

[@HCLight100]

Red Flag: "I'm busy." Red Flag: "Stop asking so many questions." No desire to share anything meaningful. Red Flag: "I don't have time to teach you my language (Russian), or play card games, etc. --no time to give you in shared activities that don't serve my own self interests." Red Flag: "What do you want?" (me) "I don't know" (him). Red Flag: unwilling to travel 10 miles to see me... Red Flag: refusing to acknowledge or respond to a direct invitation to meet. GHOSTING

[@JonathonAslay]

Yep... those are good too.

[@SJ-ow7ui]

and never answers his mobiles or return txt messages.

[@kathat3526]

and -I am still in.your city, I cant believe it. ,2 months. Wow. Many came very strong because they are lonely and need connection, and not available to be in a normal relat.

[@kathat3526]

why Russian. I speak Russian. Lol

[@lorrainetavares1308]

AN ABSOLUTE NON STARTER AND THANK GOD YOU ESCAPED THIS SELF CENTERED, OBNOXIOUS, IGNORANT IDIOT!!!

[@kimkoch3272]

I once thought i was dating a guy. Until we became physical . Next day , next couple weeks, nothing. He proceeded to text me, two weeks later, asking me if i missed him? Ugh, i said why would i? He then said he want a “relationship guy” i said “i believe you, and i am not a casual relationship kind of woman.” and blocked him.

[@kimkoch3272]

WASN’T a relationship kind of guy. At 58 years old? Grow the fuck up.

[@justfit71]

You go 🙋

[@sherriflemming3218]

Bravo!

[@MariaMedina-lj4kt]

This guy I dated once said to me something like "Get a wife? It's cheaper to get a maid!". Huge red flag there, since he's assuming women are only good at/for spending men's money. So no, it didn't last with him. Other than that, I can think of many red flags that are associated with love bombing, like someone you just met keeps praising you and complimenting you. We mustn't indulge in those, because they are not real and that someone probably just likes the game too much and all he/she cares about is the "conquest".

[@deborahpetrie3967]

Perfectly stated! No ownership for making the former woman crazy!

[@loryjones7220]

"I'm not good at relationships." Sure enough, he wasn't and had no intention in introspection and evolving.

[@lorrainetavares1308]

Very sadly: the weird, crazzzy, abusive ones are ten a penny & too easy to find: but the GOLD TREASURES: you have to dig deep down for them as they are the keepers!!! 😇

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Could be the one who came out of an abusive relationship. My ex told me for over 20 yrs that I was horrible at being a wife and not good at being in a relationship. Turns out it was him and NOT me at all.

[@smores8982]

The question of strip clubs and prostitutes; red flag! Most men have been to strip clubs either for a bachelor party or to entertain a client (happens in the business world), however, I dated a guy in his late 20s who regularly went to strip clubs (as in leisurely) like it was a hobby and also went to massage parlors for ‘rub and tugs’ and he ended up cheating on me (not with those kind of women but with his ex gf). He was a hot mess. After we broke up, he went right back into his habits. Don’t move fwd with men who have these “hobbies” or tendencies as it could be an indication of ICD (impulse control disorder). No decent man would find themselves in these types of establishments

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing

[@lorrainetavares1308]

EXXXACTLY!¡

[@sandracastillo3317]

My boyfriend said he used to go to strip clubs but that he stopped when I met him. That was a lie. He would sneak off and lie about it and go with his friends or by himself. When confronted he lied and said it was his friend who wanted to go. He don't believe he never stopped going. Recently, as a silly dare, after dinner with another couple he suggested we all go to the strip club. I didn't think anything of it other then it was spontaneous and silly. However, when we get to the strip club everyone from the valet to the doorman ,security guards, the coat check girl, to the bartender, to the club OWNER to every stripper in the place KNEW him by Name and came to say hi to him and shake his hand. He has been going to the strip clud three of four nights per week. For the last 5 months. His excuse...his friend was dating a stripper and His friend/client was buying a strip club so he had to do research. While this maybe the case... Does every stripper have to come say hi and greet you like a long lost friend?. He went on a business trip and was at a different strip club a couple of days after this episode. He was also become friends with the strippers and texting them and hanging out with them outside of the club. He's told me he had "dated" strippers in the past but it was more like he paid there bills for sex and when they asked for too much money he cut them off. I ended up walking out week later in the middle of the night when he didn't come home one night. Couldn't deal with the lying and just the straight up disregard for our relationship. We had been together for 8 years. Definitely a red flag.

[@margareth1504]

@@sandracastillo3317 Good for you to get away from that.

[@ladytammy6886]

Sex addict!! Run!!

[@JM-cp6ei]

1. “Eight dates” to determine if u are a long term fit together 2. “The 7 principals to a making marriage work” helps give a foundation to determine if we are right for eachother Thanks as always for the recommendations, Jonathan!!

[@JonathonAslay]

YW 🙏

[@TeaRose9]

You really do not seem like a pessimist at all but yet a realist and authentic as well. Thank you for being authentic and speaking your truth as yo see it. I absolutely enjoy your lives!!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you 😊

[@olganan3023]

Red flag: “If the relationship I’m in doesn’t work out….. maybe we could get together” 🤮 YES a guy ACTUALLY said this to me!!🤣😂

[@sagedakotalmft7763]

What about the old, "Let's see what unfolds"? Code for: "I don't know who I am or what I want, and have no capacity for commitment; and if I say this, I can be slippery and change my mind later and have an out." I guess that's a derivative of: "I'm not the boyfriend type; I don't like labels." AND: "I'm a spontaneous guy. I don't like making plans." I haven't literally heard "All my exes were crazy," but did date a guy who supposedly had THREE exes with BPD! And needless to say, I was too sane for him and he lost interest... only to move on to ANOTHER woman with BPD!

[@debbiesianturi2505]

Red Flag Phrase : 1. Phrase the man "All women that I date it are crazy." (He is crazy actually........hahahahahaha) 2. Phrase the man "I'm not type of boyfriend, I dont like a label." (He is not a boy anymore, he is a man......hahahahahaha) 3. Phrase the man "I'm a spontaneous person, I dont make plan." (He needs great space for himself, try to understand him) 4. Phrase the man "I have a lot of female friends." ( Dont treat him as your property, let him be himself......hahahahahaha) 5. Phrase the man "I dont want to get marry." (Who propose this man?.....hahahahahaha) 6. Phrase the man "I am not dating anyone, but I like to be friends with you." (Dont expect too much from this man and dont give too much to this man too) 7. Phrase the man "I just ended the relationship." (He got bad experience in love, so let him to cure himself. Again, dont expect too much to him.) I heard these red flags from men, and I am the same with them. Friendship much better than courtship.

[@desertrose8982]

Dear Jonathan Thank you so much for all the valuable advice, I’m a 62 year old and going through divorce, I met a man recently and because of all your good advice I could spot his bad intentions a mile off...so it was a NO flag. Thanks J, you are amazing🙏⭐️

[@almclester]

“Honey” is not a red flag. I am Texan and we call everyone Sugar, Honey, etc. It’s just a flirtatious culture. That said, I try not to do that when I am not in the South. I find that other parts of the country/other cultures are not like that.

[@alcudiababe1]

In your case, in your culture it's as you say different and this is what I have learnt from a few psychologists that sometimes it's in their ethnicity and different cultures have their different ways but probably other people who aren't, and depending what context they use that word and how it's delivered it can be a red flag.

[@Pa1Fe]

I understand for someone that grew up with it is sweet, gives comfort and feels like "family" ...but other people might feel like is just easy to call someone like a girlfriend "honey" "sugar", without making any name mistakes 😅...maybe using this after you have built some trust as J. says feels more ...naturally, like "they have earn it " that closeness, like " I accept you in my family thing"...does not come too quick to be true...just a thought , I might be wrong 💞

[@candacewoodburn5400]

I call my boyfriend honey, he calls me love. I work with children and I call them sweetie. Now, I call my boyfriend honey out of love, we have been together for over a year, but I call the children I work with sweetie because I see so many all day long it's hard to remember names. I do care about them very much though. I love children, that's why I choose to work with them.

[@alcudiababe1]

I don't know (I'm guessing) it could be used as a way to lull you into a false sense of security with them (someone who is toxic) because words like that are usually used out of endearment and you feel loved and then you feel special, like this person really likes you and the next thing you pick up on they're doing it to others. It could be argued that this person says it to everyone they meet so they naturally have a certain kind of charismatic personality that's sensitive sweet and charming so you'll feel that but how are you to know if they do that with everyone how are they showing signs they are remotely interested in just you. Just you. No one else. It's a bit like and I hate to bring him into this but Michael Jackson he'd always say he loves his fans and get into debates of who loves each other more or most and initially, when I heard that just for a split second, and this was ages ago. Initially I didn't like how loosely the love word was dropped like he'll say it to just anybody so how does a person know when they really are that special to him. If I tell someone I love or call a person sweetie or some form of endearment it's said with all my heart so I just don't tell anybody that. I would and I do but in meaningful relationships so that they feel the power of my words. If you're close to me and I see a long term relationship between us I probably will say those things. I will be a little bit vulnerable but not to other people who aren't that close to have the right to have my heart. I will be kind to other people, sympathetic to their problems, empathetic especially if their problems resonate with mine but words that are special come out when I've got to know them and I feel our bond has deepened because don't forget Narcissists and other toxic people rush this intimacy stage and it's very easy to get swept up in it.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@jenmonyet9667]

Red flag in retrospect, ‘I don’t like the word partner’ indicating a total aversion to commitment, despite talking about all the things we could do and places to travel in our future. Easy for me to miss the cues, we were living an hour apart and he vanished after a year when things were getting more serious about moving in together. I realised he broke off with his previous ex after a year and hooked up with me 3 weeks later, told me he’d never met anyone like me, soul mates, blah, blah, blah! I believed him after coming out of a 20 year marriage, so disappointing but hey, lots to learn, no more naively trusting what seems genuine love and attraction. I’m reading 8 dates so hoping I’m more prepared next time round! Thank you Jonathan for helping me to get some clarity and understanding on why he ghosted me and will be wiser to those red flags next time 👌💕

[@SJ-ow7ui]

Red Flag: Has his mobile on silent and turns his phone away from you and never mentions what it was about. Hides it when you stay over.

[@ColoradoCatherine]

I enjoyed your video this early morning Jonathon and appreciate you continuing to "yell at us" in order to encourage us to grow up, communicate, and speak our truth in kindness while still giving love to others as well as to ourselves. While I think that what I believe spiritually is different from you, I want you to know that I continue to learn a great deal from you and I also continually keep you in my prayers. I know that God works in wondrous and mysterious ways. 🌄

[@JonathonAslay]

Awe... thank you 😊

[@annhandy4273]

I'm not looking for a heavy relationship. Just friends with benefits . After the death of his wife, raising 4 children. He was going to retire and move 2,000 miles away to start a new life. We became close. I fell in love. He hasn't changed his mind about where he is going. He has now gone through his own 2nd cancer treatment. That I so wanted to be there for him! I felt that and still feel that I wouldn't have missed a moment. Now I'm grieving. He's gone next week.😢 he was wonderful. I've learned that I am loveable and I can give my whole heart to the right person.

[@JonathonAslay]

🙏🙏🙏

[@juneelle370]

“Text messaging is DRAINING.” 😂🤣😂 you put so much energy into that!!! Good to see a man’s perspective!!! Oh my goodness!!! Literally lol!

[@JonathonAslay]

😁

[@donnab8345]

"Spender." That hits the nail on the head. That's what the man I'm seeing is. I've tried to end it several times, but then he'll call me, disregarding that we split, and I'm weak enough to see him again. There won't be anyone else, probably, at my age, so I can't say he's taking up my valuable time...except for some home repairs I've neglected. I need to find a good exit. And oh yeah, he has female friends. Fits Jonathan's description to a tee.

[@donnab8345]

@@lorrainetavares1308 You are right, of course. I take care of myself, so I should feel confident about my appearance. He says he thinks I'm beautiful. But I'm in his age bracket, and older men usually want younger women. I don't have time to waste, so I'll have to try AGAIN to end it. You're right.

[@lorrainetavares1308]

@@donnab8345 I really do apologise for being sooo harsh with you: but I hate to see anyone being used, abused & taken advantage of & I've been there myself as millions of men & women have worldwide for centuries!!! Please don't feel pressurised to either end it or stay with him: but please just weigh up the pros & cons of your situation!!! WHY do you think that he must be THE only man who could possibly be interested in you? Life really is too short to waste on people who aren't being real & who are just playing games: stringing you along: using you when he feels like it: for ONE THING ONLY (if I'm not mistaken!?) dropping you when he loses interest: with NO COMMITTMENT!!! I'm sorry to say that harshly: but the Bible says: "BY THEIR FRUITS: (BY WHAT THEY PRODUCE) YE SHALL KNOW THEM"!!! We haven't met him: but we can tell by his behaviour: what his character & intentions, etc: actually are!!! I am also sure that many others obviously also think the same as me!!! As otherwise: IF he TRULY cared about YOU: he would treat you like GOLD: with THE utmost respect & he would be afraid of losing you & want to be committed to you in a permanent relationship!!! But there ARE still many very good, genuine & kind men out there!! We have to change our negative way of thinking and RAISE OUR SELF ESTEEM: WHICH IS NOT ABOUT LOOKS: BUT ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS, WELL BEING AND FEELING GOOD (I used to be the same as you) it's just lack of self confidence: but the more you are able to relax & just start off as friends with decent men in a SAFE AND SECURE environment: your confidence will grow!! Please don't waste your time on TIMEWASTERS who just want to use you & who have absolutely NO intention of a permanent comittment!!! Have you got good female friends whom you can talk to & get their views on your relationship, etcetera? You could also go out in a group to meet people as there is DEFINITELY safety in numbers!!! I used to be very indecisive (still am in many ways!!) but relationshipwise: I can usually tell if someone has love & respect for me or just wants to use me & also IF they are SAFE!!! My dad used to say that my middle name was "gullible" as I hung around with the wrong crowd as a teenager & I got in with one of the worst & nastiest users when I was very young & dumb & too trusting & so I got pregnant the first time back in the day!!! I was a very young 18 years young girl & the man turned out to be a very mean, unsavoury, hard hearted, cruel person: who did NOTHING for our baby: except to give me a £5 note!!! WOW!!! But I've wised up since then: years later & there are millions of good, decent, kind men out there who would treat you with the utmost respect: like a lady & not just an option & make you feel small & irrelevant!!! The Bible says: "BY THEIR FRUITS: YE SHALL KNOW THEM"!!! IE: By WHAT they produce!!! 😇📖🙏🙇👪🌼🌹🌻🌸⭐

[@donnab8345]

@@lorrainetavares1308 Oh, no problem! I agree with you. Unfortunately, I'm in my 60s, and although in good shape and still can turn heads when I'm fixed up, most men in my age range are in horrible shape, unattractive, and unhealthy...or they passed away before they got to my age, or they want a younger woman. It's possible I'd find someone, but not likely at all. People need to face realities. But that's no excuse to let a man get away with using me, I know. I do know he cares for me, like I care for him. But he has no "intentions," as they say. And he does take up my time, when I should be doing something else. Thanks so much for your insight. No offense taken. Quite the opposite!

[@lorrainetavares1308]

@@donnab8345 No worries: 60 years is not old, by the way, lol!! I am SOOO VERY SORRY for being a tad overbearing & lecturing you!!! I'm actually a Christian now & you would find the best & safest, trustworthy women & men & good friends: male & female in a true Christian church as well as lady friends too!! They will have total respect & genuine kindness for you & care about YOU for yourself: not for what they can get from you & of course: you would also get to know your Creator: if you wanted to: with no pressure!! Anyway, all the best & take care & God bless you. 😇📖🙇🙏👼👌👍👏👏

[@tam9571]

Just Block him . Ignore him at the door. Out an about just tell him leave you alone , that your no longer available. An last but not least . Your worth what you truly want in a relationship. He sounds like my x . Just money hungry an only thinks of one thing his D _ _ k. Yes I texted it ! It's how most men are now days . They want a mommy not a deep an careing loveable relationship . With a Lady .

[@vickiklingebiel7349]

Red flag......,. When you start calling you my love their Queen and you are their destiny. Immediately into the beginning of a relationship..... Oh you better run for the hills. 💜

[@brendaleverick3655]

The problem that I've had with a few men is that they refuse to allow me to ask any questions of them, ever. They claim I'm being intrusive.

[@JonathonAslay]

I understand

[@HelaineChersonsky]

RED flag: I don't want any questions. This has been his theme during our whole "situationship" a long-distance on-line mutually frustrating non-relationship. That's been his go-to attitude when I get too questioning and curious. We have broken up at least 40 x over 22 months. I'm done; I'm actually overdone.

[@purplestars5410]

He is probably married. 🤷‍♀️

[@winxclubstellamusa]

The question at 32:29 means that the guy is most probably a fearful avoidant attachment style (not unlike myself) who is experiencing an emotional intimacy hang over after just dumping and/or revealing a lot to a person. Thais Gibson’s teachings here an KZbin are absolutely necessary to help both parties.

[@barefootaquatics]

I struggle with Thais’ videos as she feels to me to make too many possible exceptions to everything she says in addition to talking a bit faster than I can comfortably process. I take her in small doses. Crappy Childhood Fairy suits me better.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@barefootaquatics I listen to both and follow the teachings of both.

[@bitterapple]

Briana Macwilliam also has a good channel discussing attachment.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@bitterapple Yes! I completely forgot her name for a while, lol. I just study Thais more.

[@busyazn]

@@winxclubstellamusa Have you listened to Becomesecurenow?

[@barefootaquatics]

I (male) have a very small circle of friends. I like it that way being as I’m quite introverted. I probably do have more female friends than male tho. I don’t seem to relate well with other men and they struggle with me also. I’m not every woman’s cup of tea either. To some that’s a red flag……. To me.. that’s how I maintain my sanity. I don’t want anyone in particular to be my constant companion to keep me entertained. I want a relationship where we spend time together and can still go out and do our own thing.

[@cynthialammon710]

Wow, sounds like me. Love it. It's rare for me to have female friends. I find it hard to find ppl I trust. I love a genuine relationship, love intelligent conversation & peace & depth.

[@MariaMedina-lj4kt]

As another introvert, I can very much relate. In fact, I was just thinking that when Jonathon said that not having friends or many friends is a red flag. Well, introverts usually have few friends and don't necessarily connect with them that frequently. I know I don't. I like being alone and I'm very independent, so I don't seek their company that often.

[@barefootaquatics]

@@MariaMedina-lj4kt YESSSSSS!!!! I can understand if extroverts want a partner who is an extrovert, but please don’t label introvert traits as red flags!!

[@cynthialammon710]

I think also bc we are deep thinkers; I love thinking deeply on things besides running at the mouth. Also Im not seeking who likes me or others approval

[@ArtLoverScotland]

Yes indeed being an introvert, this is how I roll. I have only a couple of girlfriends. I am not into the group gathering scene....I enjoy my alone time and respect others' need for space. But I do want to be in a committed relationship...with someone who can understand and accept me as I am.

[@mariamayub212]

Great session today! I've seen so many red flags I should open a store LOL probably why I never got into anything serious my whole life and stayed single never married, no kids. When you get the hebees all the time, it's just better to focus on yourself!

[@almclester]

Hello, handsome! Hope you had a great Easter. Once again, you are a breath of fresh air! Finally, a man who can admit that yes, a man can make a woman crazy! After years of dating and therapy, I have learned that people who say that all of their exes are crazy, fall into 1 of 2 categories: people who are attracted to crazy, or people who make others crazy because they refuse to own their issues. So yeah, big red flag! Also regarding the infamous dick pics, that’s the cyberspace version of a flasher, and who wants to date a perv that runs around flashing people? I used to get these all the time. Then I started saving them, so that whenever I received a new one, I would respond with previously received photo! That usually gets rid of those losers! LOL!

[@HSBsoulsurfer]

🍌🤣🤣🤣

[@JonathonAslay]

Humans act crazy all the time 🤪 lol

[@almclester]

@@JonathonAslay I don’t know if it is still active, but there used to be a blog, where the blogger wrote critiques of various dick pics that she had received over the years. I don’t know if the author was an art professor, or if she had spent a significant amount of time in art school, but her critiques were awesome. She didn’t critique the penis, but rather the photograph itself-as a professor of fine art photography would critique an assignment. Her position was, “If you are going to do this, at least send me a quality and not this half-assed piece of crap!” She discussed things like composition, form, line, texture, use of lighting, f-stops, depth of field, etc. Then she gave each photo and overall grade. I laughed for days! I also found myself humbled by this woman’s creativity-if it were up to me, she would have received a MacArthur prize! I think the site was called either “Critique My Dick Pic” or “Rate My Dick Pic”. Anyway, it inspired me to get creative in my response to them instead of getting mad.

[@lorrainetavares1308]

WOWSERRRSSS!!!

[@WholeGrownWoman]

@@JonathonAslay From sun up to sundown!! 😆😆😆

[@fgarrison2910]

Spot on! If he calls his ex “crazy” it’s over for me.... because exactly he has zero respect for the woman who gave him part of her life, and he is taking ZERO ownership. If he talks about her that way he will talk about YOU that way!

[@tam9571]

Thanks got dumped after 12yrs an not been with anyone 7months He's probably told everyone I'm crazy an all along I'm still hurt. Cry on an off some days are better than others. So I just wanted to say thanks for your comment it's truly a remarkable , intelligent one at best . Sure did cheer me up. Thanks Have a beautiful evening

[@maryansel932]

I'm so glad you validate the concept of asking deeper questions. Some men really balk at transparency or introspection.

[@belinda.davie.coaching]

A guy recently decided to call me "baby" before we had even met. He went from 0-100 very very fast with the compliments. It's a MASSIVE red flag. On the path to lovebombing. (That's nothing like an innocent term of endearment!)

[@casperinsight3524]

Double talk is sooo frustrating....call it like you see it to see exactly where they stand. If they say one thing and do another...then you have an inconsistent guy who is un-dependable, unreliable and untrustworthy.

[@susannewton7143]

pessimistic? Never! I find you upbeat, informative. and soooo refreshing to watch. big hugs!!

[@susancoates4696]

Jonathon you are a real treasure. Thank you for your candour, honesty and authenticity. I appreciate the information you are sharing. Your originality. I am at a stage in my healing from a narcissistic relationship and your channel speaks to me and has moved me forward. Your sense of humour and enthusiasm is refreshing. Keep all the sharing coming 👍

[@ecatcheshire9741]

I’ve just watched you for the first time and I can’t stop smiling🖐🏽🥰🤗

[@sassylife8687]

Hi Jonathon! My experience has been "I don't want to be friends; I want a girlfriend!" Four months later, I remembered this from our 1st date when I wouldn't kiss him... He wanted a mommy & not a partner. If we're not best friends, forget it!! I broke up with him & never looked back. He was a stepping stone for my growth & healing so I'm grateful for this necessary lesson. Your thoughts?

[@amypool5929]

Hey sassy life my boyfriend said that I was using him as steppingstones and I told him the only steppingstones he has is outside his front house. So basically he’s mimicking What you said in your comment when I sent him the video about What Jonathan said, however,he has a daughter and his best friend Jeff has a son by the same mother named Connor isn’t that odd?

[@sassylife8687]

@@amypool5929 It is a small world...that's an interesting correlation, no doubt. I have no regrets dating that guy & I wish him the bes!! That relationship dynamic was not my thing at all. I wish you well!

[@tinyproject6388]

Good choice Jonathon👍 anxiety of missing out doesn't do us any favour.:) Everybody who is watching advice videos have experienced some kind of avoidance or emotional unavailability. IT's so much better to just be aware of the difference to a normal relationship with someone who is available and straight forward, that's why it's important to have good friends, they show You what healthy friendships look like because with them You are not emotionally involved and You don't have expectations. Romantic love should feel good too, even better. If there are too many emotions involved than there is someting not right, emotions are more intense if they are triggered. Don't let trigger" You, walk away. Same if U feel too much positive emotions/limerance. And if they come to U dont take breadcrumbs:) from someone who is letting U think, that he/she is too good to be true. Most times it is too good to be true. If a man invites You and pays for dinner you expect him to pay everytime. It is pretty selfish and unrealistic from a woman, would you stay if he looses his job? Good luck to everybody🍀🧡

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing

[@marciachambers3150]

Red Flag! " You're the FIRST girl I've never cheated on" translation: ...only a matter of time.

[@bonnygoldberg5852]

I loved this podcast Especially I loved the hugs at the end. Lots of good advice. I am new and recently subscribed. Thank you

[@1991windsor]

Honestly, I never heard hardly any of these until I was 51 years old, and I encountered my first narcissist. Narcissists will say ALL of these phrases, especially the one about all of their exes being crazy. His behavior was so bizarre to me that I had to Google the way he was treating me and up popped the word narcissist and I tried to deny it but as the "relationship" went on I just couldn't deny it any longer.🙄

[@carolinejensen2256]

Yes I have heard one! I‘ve been dating a man for at least 1 Month and he told me his Parents dont want to meet a new Person and neither his other familie members!! I told him this is a big red Flag

[@deanasmusic1]

It depends 9n how long ago his last relationship ended. He could be reaching out to others too soon for his family. He may need more healing time.

[@casstay4499]

When they say they aren’t looking for anything serious.. I just put the kibosh on it by saying, “Well, that’s too bad I’m a demisexual.”

[@camillaraymond8917]

I love that prayer and I’m so happy that God has heard your prayer. I’m going to believe for the same. I’m a bit tired of the dating apps and have been feeling the same about taking a different approach.

[@StaceyBing]

Aww, I haven't been here for a bit, but I missed your change of tone when you sincerely say "I just want to address something..." that change in your tone says 'I'm going to be meaningful for a bit, please accept this' It's very sweet x

[@apawsomedayforawalk8042]

So many scenerios & over-thinking. I'm really just trying to wrap my head around being single & LOVING it.

[@PhanRegSop]

When he fake yawns when you ask him a question or for a favor.

[@elainechatham5188]

Someone who does not make time for you that is a red flag.

[@JonathonAslay]

Most likely

[@Pa1Fe]

Thank you for this video, loved your prayer and also I appreciate that you go to events, date and go through this process yourself so you understands how it really feels to be praised, have a laugh but also to be ghosted or to feel you are just a number...that your personality or good looks matter but do not matter to a serial dating guy/girl that is in the game just for the thrill not for something real...I just smiled when the Doctor thing came on because even very intelligent and culturally developed people can be totally immature emotionally or communicate poorly...the professional status is not an indication of how a person is actually developed in all areas of his or her life...and though status might be something some ppl want it is not something that we need to be happy...love and joy to you❤️

[@JonathonAslay]

TY 🙏

[@veronicasmith1147]

It's down to looks but they say there's no chemistry to let people down easier

[@bermudabourne3688]

Hi Jonathan! Just started listening to you and really enjoy your shows. As for the “honey” issue - for me it’s about the fact that I suddenly don’t have a name. I am now “honey” or “babe”, both of which make me interchangeable with a hundred thousand other women. it’s fine sometimes but do you remember my actual name??

[@rose-zj5zv]

This is so true and eye opening. .THANK YOU for this.

[@JonathonAslay]

YW 🙏

[@charmanine1510]

Thanks Jonathan! As per usual the video was great. Keep them coming. ❤️❤️

[@shirleymitchell3457]

Red Flag: I really don't know what I want

[@JonathonAslay]

Yep that is one for sure...

[@taschadresser5988]

I agree that being asked for your entire dating and relationship history is a red flag question. I tell anyone who has asked me for this that I don't owe them a relationship resume.

[@JonathonAslay]

Our past can give a person insight into the future...

[@deejames1st]

I tend to agree with your friend. I think there’s more good men out there but they’re not noticed or appreciated.

[@mariansinger2596]

I wish there was a clearing house for normal people to find another normal.

[@RipTides311]

Red flag phrase: "it's important to me to be with someone who is sexually adventurous" AND "I'm not willing to tell you about every little thing I do" AND "It's fine with me if you want to sleep with other people, in fact I hope you will. All I ask is that you bring me pictures."

[@JonathonAslay]

Good one 👍🏼

[@daphnewalker244]

Red flag phrase: "I like to tear women down and build them up in my image." It was actually my deal breaker and it made me run. What a Psycho!

[@purplestars5410]

Is there a flag beyond red? If there isn't...maybe there should be. And this would certainly qualify! ☠

[@tourdfrance9263]

You are so awesome Jonathon! I have been listening to you for the past months…. The min I open my phone it’s you who pops out lol Love Your prayers and all the guidance/advice/tips that you give from your heart/beautiful mind. Ty for your time/energy & the hard work that you’re so passionate about and that you LOVE! May God bless you and shower you with love and happiness. To you and Marie 💕 Victoria

[@JonathonAslay]

Wow, thank you!

[@vickieross2157]

I heard the crazy one from my ex. I was chatting with a guy for the first time. He was already wanting to jump in bed. Amen to the prayer! You know I have never used the swipe dating apps. Right now I'm not on a dating site.

[@JonathonAslay]

TY 🙏

[@sandysmom100]

I met someone after my divorce .We dated for three years exclusively we both had kids and were single parents. I asked him to marry me and sent him red roses. HE broke my heart and married a drug addict! He became an addict himself. So sad 😞

[@aparnabhatia5072]

he deserved it.....lolzzzzz

[@kimstevens4049]

Red Flag I was told, "I don't want to do the I'm hers she's mine thing!"

[@JonathonAslay]

Interesting

[@kimstevens4049]

To say the least. : )

[@juneelle370]

Wow~thank you for your sharing about online swipe dating… it seems so dehumanizing to me but because it’s basically what everyone is on, I’ve been considering it. Just have a sense it’s not for me… thanks for the additional warning 🌸 ps~I absolutely LOVE and appreciate your beautiful relationship prayers!!! I 🙏right along with you!

[@JonathonAslay]

TY 🙏

[@PhanRegSop]

As sad as it is to say, you’re better off finding someone at the bar or some other live event than meeting someone online.

[@raesunshine9443]

"I just want to Go with the flow"

[@sherriflemming3218]

Excellent and true. I've experienced them all. This is such a great podcast!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for listening

[@patriciapage4625]

I dated this guy a while a go and there were a few red flags. I stopped dating him. But we kept friends. It only took him 3 weeks to hook up with a woman. Q. Do you think they're is some issus with him being a lone..

[@gabriella8797]

Definitely.

[@margareth1504]

Yes

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

I enjoy the content you give, because so much is crazy. The whole feminine/masculine energy is just bull. I enjoy honesty, met a new guy, going slow. Because I want more, but not all right away, not on dating apps.

[@sunnysmiles8211]

When they push for a physical meeting right away and don’t want to tell you anything about them. Very big red flag.

[@JonathonAslay]

Do FaceTime 👍🏼

[@staceywood7800]

Id like to add one.. “Let’s go with the flow” Get out ladies 💛

[@JacK-qn4zh]

As a women of 57...I feel I have everything I need. Starting a New man "friendship"...just leads to a dilemma..with drama at some point. I would like a Man Friend but...knowing Im good without, why invite?

[@vividminxHairandBeauty]

I don't think you're a pessimist...I believe you're a realist !! 💯 I continually find your videos and Insta enlightening and educational and quite humourous as well..Keep it up ☺️☺️

[@donnacaruso4198]

Question after a year and a half of dating, he doesn't respond to my texts for a few days, sometimes a week can go by without any contact. We live 73 miles apart and he works long hours. Sometimes a few weeks go by before we see each other again. We're both in our 60s and I feel time is too short to be playing games at this stage of life. He says he's not losing interest, but I feel he's not being truthful. What are your thoughts?

[@missta1820]

Hi, if you have the feeling he's not being truthful you are probaldly correct.

[@AnnieV1001]

I like who I am and I don’t want to change… after two divorces plus several breakups..

[@StaceyBing]

Love, but not in love... The fire is there, but it needs a firework to light it up... Jealousy... Jealousy is the firework inside a man that makes him see the light. If he doesn't feel it, just let it burn out.

[@user-yz4ie4iz5e]

BEST PRAYER EVER!!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you...

[@StaceyBing]

My red flag was that the guy said he had no problems. No problems withim himself. No problems with his family. No problems at work. No problems with his kids. I said "that's nice, but only a sociopath has no problems. So you're either a liar, or you're a sociopath." He said "I just want to look good." I said "you'd look better if you were honest when I asked you questions about yourself." Then he started making up problems. **yawn** Totally not what I was saying. I'm the worst first date ever, but he came running. We went on a few dates, but he started the dates with lies, which I called him out on, so I'm just bored with him to be fair...

[@StaceyBing]

Literally one of Banksy's friends...Bristol. Helped him with an exhibition at the museum. The GA do stuff to protect him here. He had a whole house full of original Banksy BS. **Yawn** Massive weird story...but still, he lied on our first date. A blind date. He'd seen me and asked someone to contact me to set us up on a blind date. **yawn** I'm big on the yawn 😂

[@abutterfly7975]

I’m bipolar I don’t have huge mood swings just depression.

[@JonathonAslay]

Gotcha...

[@Yele_na84]

I would add if someone speaks bad about himself, like some specific thing. It always turn out to be true no matter how great you perceive them.

[@susancourtney882]

Great video tonight! I detected a slight change in format, and seemed less stressful for u, so a good thing. These books are changing our life, I think over time the discussion and content is creating nueroplasticity brain changes or at least I see my own vision evolving. On a separate note. It's distressing to me when someone like Princess may be facing abuse. I'm familiar with Human Options (related to advocacy work) which is based in OC, but I'm sure there are other organizations depending on where she lives that are similar and would provide her with housing and assistance, if needed. I do hope she and her kids get the help they may need.

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you 😊

[@aparnabhatia5072]

what does OC mean?

[@robynbonni8557]

I want to thank you for enlightening me I really appreciate you. Thank you so much I've seen so many red flags I just don't wrap it up around me like a warm blanket anymore

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad to help

[@thomash3688]

Not wanting to be married is not a red flag. It's a practical decision. I can be in love without legal obligations. I tell women upfront because I don't want to lead them on. For some women it is the ultimate goal. I'm an older gentlemen and most women I date have already been divorced 2-4 times. If you are a financially successful male there is too much to lose. I'm not a big proponent on prenups either as not always effective. If you have nothing, get married all you want. Half of nothing is nothing. It's very disturbing for male millionaires to date women that live as millionaires, but have nothing to show for themselves other than their exhusbands' wealth. Now that's a red flag.

[@thomash3688]

@@pippythefish5506 I'm perfectly fine with the lady wanting a prenup. It's good with me. Most of the women I date are well to do. Most, not all, acquired it through ex husbands (divorce and widows). These women would be stupid not to have a prenup if remarrying. Unless they are marrying Bill Gates.

[@habanero6332]

That’s great. I don’t need to be married either. That is a social construct not of our making but perpetuated largely by people who like to control society. Initially introduced in Italy when Lives were shorter and by a certain religion.

[@BexnRN]

Yea you sound like a catch 😂

[@April-lp7pp]

Well, what might be a practical decision for some may be a glaring red flag for others.

[@whereisshaz]

Yeah but you can come to an agree with the lady, no? In a way so you keep your money but still commit to her otherwise it’s just a trust issue isn’t it?