Reddit Story | How humanity embarrassed one of the galactic superpowers & Upliftment | HFY | 1241

[@ChaoticTeen16]

1st Story: The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest. 2nd Story: Prepare to meet a pissed off human with Galactic Admin privileges!

[@IrishBaron174]

And with all that money don’t forget to donate to the Kirito is always right foundation

[@dylantucker5374]

From reading your summary, i can already tell they did the equivalent of pissing off the secretary

[@StonedDragons]

except that this solution just doesn't work anyway, mirrored surface against a laser helps take the bite out of it only for a moment. Possibly not even that much if the laser is powerful enough and what frequency of light is being used.

[@tachyon8317]

"How dumb you were to make the password '1,2,3,4,5'! That's the sort of stupid combination an idiot would put on their luggage!"

[@donanthebarbarian5177]

@@tachyon8317 I mean the idiot is only gonna put that code on his luggage if the minimum combination is 5 long... He'll do 123 of he can get away with it. That said why in the hell is your minimum requirements for a password to access government accounts lower than my 13 year old selfs password?

[@silvadelshaladin]

I knew there was something wrong in the second story when the aliens only found 2 billion people on the "earth."

[@danijelandroid]

Yeah, even if we have the capability to lift-off every person of our world. I can barely see 1% emigrated to other 'planets'.

[@santiagoperez5431]

Me too

[@Jeff55369]

@@danijelandroid My first thought (due to having read / listened to other similar stories) was it was a different planet, but my second thought was maybe humans killed each other off in a nuclear holocaust.

[@juliusmoe-nstar8942]

*Cue the largest Human wave attack on Earth during Invasion*

[@Zael_Moonblade]

Possible post war numbers...

[@darthnox2210]

The idea that the aliens dont have proper cyber security is such an alien concept. That's why it works.

[@summerstride752]

Should have subscribed to NordVPN

[@cosmiccake791]

Lol

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

@@summerstride752 ..gives me the mental idea of a alien trying to be clever about that.... only to have it explained to him that a user name like like 'glak orgh vithnovir' hardly is native ....to brasil... regardless how spotless the ip appears XD

[@liquidpatriot4480]

So the movie Independence Day was right!

[@nikolaideianov5092]

​@@Amoth_oth_ras_shash or that passwords and user names souldnt be on a public server

[@ThoughtsReflected]

To the word 'Impossible', the human reply is usually "Hold my beer." And before you can ask them what a 'beer' is they are already attempting to prove you wrong, doing something incredibly stupid, causing property damage, or a well rounded combination of the three.

[@AgroSquerril]

true

[@ShackleYT]

Usually with the quote "welcome to jackass" plastered in there somewhere

[@AmataTai]

The second I heard that the homeworld™ had only two billion, I was just waiting for the hammer to drop

[@chrisbecke2793]

Human population on earth is only so high because we still have a legacy of poor nations. If we decided that, as an FTL capable civilisation, humanity had expanded Scandinavian social democracy to include even India and China, then 2 bil is easily an achievable target for inhabitants on Earth and probably an upper bound.

[@trevtall1094]

True rich nations have lower birth rates especially feminist nations which are anti family unit

[@Nevir202]

​@@chrisbecke2793 LMAO! If you think with the advance of technology, the maximum sustainable human population plummets rather than explodes, you don't know much about technology.

[@chrisbecke2793]

@@Nevir202 You're not good at comprehension are you.

[@decimation9780]

@@chrisbecke2793 If we had the technology to repair the damage done to this planet over the course of the last four hundred years, the population would likely reach upwards of thirty billion, with various colony world’s likely having populations as large as 50 billion depending on how large the planet is, as well as how effective terraforming methods are. If you want a good idea of what humanity's population would be like with such advanced technology, take a look at Mass Effect, and you’ll have your answer.

[@79bigcat]

Summary of both stories: back at ya, bud!

[@AgroSquerril]

lol true

[@dankboi666]

Right back at ya buckaroo

[@neosildrake]

Xeno: How did you defeat them? Human: With polish and shine. Xeno: You mean with flourish. Human: That too. I knew they were in for a giant a-kicking, when the story noted only 2 billion inhabitants on their "home world".

[@Roach18]

C'mon... Polish isn't _that_ bad...

[@jgkitarel]

On an unrelated note, the company that make Kiwi shoe polish is having a shortage from all the boots polished before and after being used in the ancient and noble art of ass kicking that the soldiers were wearing at the time.

[@stoneknight865]

Mirror mirror on the wall Your laser does nothing at all

[@AgroSquerril]

indeed

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

Hmm... I don't think that's quite true. I have the sneaking suspicion that the majority of the aliens' ship casualties came from their own lasers being reflected back at them.

[@alexistaylor969]

Yeah, no. Any laser that can cut steel at battleship fighting distances will generate enough heat that any mirror will only reflect part of it momentarily before being burned away. You would need multiple diamond mirrors acting as a wave guide to reflect a current day steel cutting laser that would have to match direct point of impact and trajectory. Even then it would quickly overheat and burn up.

[@ceu160193]

@@alexistaylor969 Mirrors need cooling systems, but otherwise you don't really need to reflect laser back - only away from hull. Which may hit other alien ship.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

to be fair, we have historical experience embarrassing superpowers.

[@thunberbolttwo3953]

Afghanistan alone did it three times.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

@@thunberbolttwo3953 America got FOUNDED that way, Veitnam returned the u.s. the favor...

[@thunberbolttwo3953]

@@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606 The colonys would have lost without French help. In Vietnams case without USSR helping them they would have lost. So thank you for proving you do not know whay you are talking about. Now goodbye.

[@jgkitarel]

All our own, and the ones that wished to stay superpowers learned from getting humiliated and how they did.

[@cheeseninja1115]

war is humanities pastime, and so we add it to everything we do. Even economies, anyone who thinks a human corporation or government entity will always plays fair has never heard the saying "all's fair in love and war".

[@nightrunnerxm393]

More appropriately: "If you're not cheating, you're not trying."

[@Gredinus]

Humanity: "You activated my trap card!" *Flips over Mirror Force*

[@taitano12]

Lol. Now THAT'S what I call ransom ware. 😂

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@TrueFork]

space Karen pissed off the IT department

[@brennanlangless8912]

Aliens: use lasers to blend ships Humans: load the disco balls

[@brennanlangless8912]

Second story You shall not pass!!!!!!

[@Talon1124]

Story 1: Reflective Coating, Armour augmentation. Grants +100 resistamce to Laser damage. Causes 50%(100% at grade five) Reflect Damage on attacker.

[@silverseth7]

I imagine the ambassador speaking like the Xcom chairman/informant when declaring hostilities.

[@pigpen3428]

1st story: simple yet funny 2nd story: exploiter human

[@scorpig.p8243]

"Upliftment" is basically the Lablonamenadon story only more clićhe... Still well done narration!

[@damianstarks8974]

That last one went down like the climax of a anime of some sort. It was hilariously awesome.

[@justoneman1681]

The galactic credit just went from being Worth one of itself to zero of itself

[@bignasty4874]

That's how you take down an empire.

[@abbadon9693]

That first story was brilliant.

[@AgroSquerril]

glad you enjoyed

[@erushi5503]

As a comsci student, i can vouch that human systems will probably make Xeno's brains go pop cause it made mine multiple times now ahahaha

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

I once had an idea for an HFY story where humanity goes to the stars and find nothing but the relics of dead civilizations. And what killed that civilization? All their computer systems were infected with primitive adware and ransomware from the dawn of humanity's internet age. Seems some aliens studying Earth copied internet data, translated it so that it would work on their systems, and some of what was translated was malware that escaped and spread through their civilization, shutting down and gumming up all their computing systems.

[@klinetalladen]

@@noppornwongrassamee8941 now that's an interesting story to explore.

[@loganshaw4527]

Humanity truly is the best mirror. You show us friendship we will be the best of friends. You show up enemies and hastily and we will be your worst enemies. If you show us indifference we will respond in kind.

[@paulhuston9991]

Speak softly and ALWAY have a preposterously large stick. FTA!!!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@DepressedCrow]

Person: *says something is impossible* Humanity: "watch me prove you wrong" *proves the impossible is possible*

[@matejlieskovsky9625]

The second story sometimes sounded a little too much like Lablonamenadon (I can't believe I still remember that word), but managed to diverge nicely! Good stories!

[@LordGertz]

For the Algorithm!! Does anybody else got a giddy happy smile hearing the intro music?

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@sherylcascadden4988]

For the author! For the narrator!! For the algorithm!!! For the Terran alliance!

[@KuDastardly]

The first story. Dude, that was the shortest HFY I've ever listened to so far, lol!

[@SergeyWaytov]

#2 I was expecting something rather fun by aliens being sure there's Homeworld system where trail led, its such a common knowledge in specific section of Mass Effect quality fiction, but exact way is absolutely 11/10

[@ladyodragons3849]

In the first story, when I heard "mirrors" I chuckled

[@davethm75]

Story 2 in one phrase "THATS ALOT OF DAMAGE!"

[@gManGabe]

Xenos: "Become our debt slaves" Script Kiddies: "g3t pwn3d l00s3r"

[@ICountFrom0]

I've always suspected that a powerful enough laser would defeat a mirror. No mirror is perfect, there's always some small % of loss, and you'd either heat and warp the glass eventually, or melt the silvering (whatever you make it of). Brings me to the question, why NOT wrap a ship in a warp bubble in combat in star trek? Your warping space so that no point in the real world points at any point of your ship, you can't be targeted by any beam weapon...

[@codespark451]

Given my understanding of how space works, that would prevent all light from reaching the ship, rendering them blind. The same warp would also render your own beam weapons useless, as paths through space either work both ways, or neither.

[@cgi2002]

A sufficiently powerful laser would easily defeat a mirror, even currently high end lasers can already do that with the best mirrors we can create currently. But we are far from creating perfect mirrors, outs don't even come close yet. As for star trek, frankly they misuse nearly all of their technology. Other military examples include how they use things like their deflector (the navigational deflector), it could if tuned correctly, deflect torpedoes to stop them impacting your ship/sheilds. The fact that they don't use point defence phasers to shoot down torpedoes. The fact that they don't use transporters as weapons vs ground troops/infantry, or holograms at that, or bother to equip their infantry with personal sheilds. That they don't use their artificial gravity fields against boarding parties. That they don't use massive replicators (truely massive ones) to replicate entire ships (sure some items may need to be fitted later on). Or my personal favourite, no one has figured out that you can fit multiple warp cores inside a ship to make it insanely overpowered yet.

[@ICountFrom0]

Yup, making it the perfect defence, and just what starfleet would use if they really WERE a peaceloving pascifistic nation.

[@ICountFrom0]

Voyager has 2 warp cores, or rather her design calls for a second one. She launched without it due to a rush job.

[@cgi2002]

@@codespark451 technically all sheilds would do this regardless. If it blocks matter/energy getting to you, it blocks light too (it better, else someone would weaponize visable light). Meaning your blind, also technically you should also be deaf and not be able to recieve communications as those frequencies would be blocked (unless they can't be weaponized). There is actually a scifi series I read that takes this into account, ships inside stealth fields can't see outside either. So they purposely drag a small drogue comms/sensor antenna behind them that's too small to be easily detected. As for how they see when the sheilds are up, they use higher space time dimensions to do it, which while you can track things in them, you can't fire through them, hence no need to block them with sheilds (stealth fields block them however).

[@kennethhummel4409]

Mirror, mirror on my hull!....

[@AgroSquerril]

party time , deploy the disco ball!

[@garysprandel1817]

Humans:We could at whim initiate the self destruct mechanism on your ships. Xenos: We don't have self destruct on our ships. Humans: you do now.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

Technically, any ship with engines and fuel has a self-destruct mechanism, at least while it's orbiting a planet...

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@AgroSquerril]

for the story

[@richardhowells5804]

There is no way in the 9 hells that humanity will be that crafty in the future. We're clearly headed to the Idiocracy time line 😂😑

[@jesseamaya4413]

Dammit Richard I believe you are right.🙄

[@chrissalch693]

You see, humanity doesn't have to be that crafty. We just need enough in the right places to pull it off and human's that crafty are going to be in the right places.

[@warrendesonia7924]

The 2nd story is just begging for a sequel.......

[@Ryu_D]

Thank you for the video.

[@elfeater1760]

Mirror, Mirror, Frak his ship up!

[@AgroSquerril]

pew pew

[@mikecoatsworth6048]

Had to listen to the first story twice😂

[@chrisdufresne9359]

I was actually expecting nuclear mines on number 1.

[@GravitWry]

Ok yeah the 1st story had me off guard lol.

[@ashleycroydon9743]

This needs that meme. Call a ambulance but Not For ME 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@merlinathrawes746]

Somebody didn't do their homework on the new species.

[@Deconstruction_Administrator]

The second story shares a LOT of the same tones as Lablonamenodon.

[@calvingreene90]

16 bit encryption, oh please. My 8 year old daughter uses 556k encryption on her diary.

[@geoffreyganoe5246]

The difficult, we do immediately, the impossible just takes a little longer.

[@shaunwhitehead1485]

Second story was good👍🏻

[@riderstrano783]

For the first one I’d like to think at least one of the mirrors was a gigantic “No U” card

[@k0rf3on6]

uno reverse card moment

[@AgroSquerril]

indeed

[@calvingreene90]

In all fairness it was really, really good mirrors.

[@theubie]

Love your content, and your face. FOR THE ALOGRITHEM!

[@dominiccassell1266]

The Last Story gives off a you want to take advantage of our hospitality and willing to be friendly towards you then we'll take over everything and force you to join us under the same conditions

[@Kualinar]

Story 1. So, your main weapons are lasers ? How sweet of you to provide the energy needed to cut your ships in half. Laser, meet mirror. Reflected laser, meet your friend's ship. Story 2. Your terms are unacceptable. Now, let me play this card. Alien : What that ? A fibrous card with a pair of opposing curvy arrows over 4 crooked coloured squares. What does that mean ? Human : That is the infamous UNO All Colours Reverse card. You are so screwed up.

[@danielburgess7785]

There's war and then there is 'Total War.'

[@williambarnes5023]

"Fire the giga laser!" _(Holds up solar panel)_

[@AgroSquerril]

pew pew

[@callisto1556]

I like this one good job

[@jameson1239]

How does a species have advanced enough lasers to cut a ship apart but not a basic understanding of optics

[@Zedyne]

That was a very nice Uno reverse card on the second story, lol

[@terricon4]

If only it was that easy... no normal mirror can handle temperatures too extreme given how they are made. A perfectly polished solid metal plate would be better, but keep in mind the following. Most mirror metals will still stop out in the mid to upper 90% range for light reflected back. That means they absorb that `2-5% of the energy still. This means if you hit something with a powerful enough laser, it will still absorb energy, and still get hot. If the laser was powerful enough to slice through a normal ship of metal and stuff easily, then it can probably still slice through at least a few centimeters of mirror easily enough as well, and in doing so it rapidly breaks up and distorts the surface it hits, reducing its effectiveness as a mirror, and thus creating the predictable problems with your mirror turning into a very temporary and short lived piece of ablative armor. Still useful in some cases by all means, but hardly a counter on its own is my point. And assuming an entire species with the ability to create and manufacture starships is incapable of retrofitting their ships with different armaments, or buildings new ones, or making the most simple of decisions to instead say just ram the human ships with theirs instead of firing on them... ya, you can only make aliens so DERP before it feels like they'd fall over and die on their own just because they forgot to breathe or something like that.

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

On the flip side, simply having armor that takes damage at 10% the rate as the enemy's armor is nothing to sneer at, especially if all other tech is more or less equal. It means you need something like a 10 to 1 advantage (probably more) just to break even on attrition rates.

[@SergeyWaytov]

#1 is so damn hillarious!)

[@fordprefect859]

Advancement unlocked: return to sender

[@makesega]

Always practice good cyber security

[@ArchonSG1]

1. "Mirrors" - Lol! 2. Do unto others as they would do unto you. - Humanity.

[@mr.e6289]

heh 'all your base are belong to us'

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@von-shonfaison9931]

Damn aliens should have at least turned on parental control😂😂😂😂

[@brianroberts783]

That second story reminds me a lot of one called "Lablonamenadon." Unfortunately, I don't recall the author.

[@AgroSquerril]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZqrddoSeaMR9qpo

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@TheGreyGhost873]

ONG SOMEONE FINALLY DID IT 🤣🤣🤣🤣 THEY SIMPLY USED A MIRROR AGAINST LAZERS

[@ClokworkGremlin]

How do you develop laser weaponry without being made aware of mirrors? Lasers include mirrored components in their construction!

[@Azurath100]

they weren't normal mirrors, laser weapons still heat up a mirror, but it takes some shenanigans to come up with mirrors that also dissipate the heat.

[@UNSCPILOT]

They might never have bothered to try scaling it up, just by chance

[@jaysonwalker4234]

We use lasers now. I promise they have also made tech to reflect deflect or subvert our lasers. Just incase the enemy figures out how to make a comparable laser weapon.

[@GenStallion]

Poor xenos, they never see it coming.

[@Eramiserasmus]

Got to trust humanity to be embarrassing.

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@katamed5205]

Oh no. The humans figured out my password was password!

[@theonetodefyall238]

keeper going

[@AegisMaelstrom14]

2nd story... how Games Workshop financially and bloodlessly ruined Xenos in 40k.

[@adphoenix600]

And this is why you should never pissed off a human they attack you from the inside where it hurts which is cyber warfare The second story will be emotional damage

[@davidhenderson3400]

Story 1. "Here is your laser beam back. We do not need it. We have our own."

[@edparagonpc]

Loved em

[@kirkjones9639]

Rootkit the system, yeah that will hurt. Which probably means they did RTFM.

[@carlosnathanieljannjusonal4826]

Aliens: humanity you are now enternally broke Humanity: no u

[@terrylewis6504]

Talk about an oh shit moment

[@hughgordon6435]

Fta , ftbv, ft top, Bobby and CCL

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@dragonriderabens9761]

Humanity really won a war simply by going “no u”

[@swimmingmide]

The children of the mining planet got past the locks on the space internet in under an hour.

[@wrigthtalekenavi2066]

they are probably Anonymus: a group of hackers who love to fuck all that is tech. they gave 10 days not for them to think about peace, but to collect enough members to devour every information in 1 hour

[@additiveartificer9365]

Hacker man moment

[@jamielonsdale3018]

You don't want to uplift us? Fine. We'll do it ourselves.

[@goddragon8637]

Remember if you can't beat them *then it's time to pull out the hacks.* 😈

[@josephgatts1679]

...aren't lasers produced using mirrors? The first story makes no sense.

[@WallNutBreaker524]

Nice.

[@kristapsmazaiks3379]

noooo, I wanted more, XD

[@davidhenderson3400]

Story 2. To add insult it was a bunch of kids that hacked their system.

[@readhistory2023]

Never piss off a human.

[@wrathshorts2894]

Human hackers: TODAY! I AM A GOD!

[@yomogami4561]

for the algorithm!

[@blackpawlo]

2nd story : HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX

[@lurker8593]

"Population of about two million-" Something's wrong, I can feel it!

[@AgroSquerril]

spidey sense tingling?

[@shaincastillo6772]

As we day. They f#

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@AgroSquerril]

:)