A HFY Story : Humanity's actually insane invasion plan &Humanity's actually insane invasion | 2025

[@ryanstewart2289]

The mechanic who silently stood up and walked away was thinking "Well fuck, there goes my night".

[@tjunn936]

" Fraking drek... They didn't talk to me first... I'm frelled... I need to make this drek happen... I hate my life, I hate my life so much right now... "

[@TheRandyWanker]

When I was in service, I was stationed in Panama. I had an old M54 short-bed truck. One time when I was at my girlfriend's apartment Sunday, early morning, someone knocked on the door. I have no idea how they found me. I got back to the base and loaded two 600-gallon fuel pods and a fuel pump. Got my butt to the fuel station, loaded with 1200 gallons of DFM, and was ordered to load my butt on an LCM. I was to re-fuel 3 LCMs on my way to hell knows where. The problem was the FUEL pump was broken! Thank god for LCM mechanics, they fixed it in the middle of the ocean. Next 4 weeks I was away from my base. Had a great time there.😄

[@terrorcop101]

"Wait, you have bigger ones?!" Of course, how else do you one-shot an entire star system?

[@Kriegermeister1]

**pushes on the speaker button on my Captain's chair.** "You may fire when ready commander." **A planet and it's moon explode.**

[@jonathancastillo5686]

star killer base

[@polishscribe674]

​@@jonathancastillo5686death star

[@TheMonk72]

"Well, there's the JSN-Saitama. We keep that one aside for real threats though."

[@mikkelnpetersen]

"We always have a bigger gun, if not build, ready to be"

[@Geroskop]

"it can fire wide array of ammunitions APFSD, fusion flashetts.....SCHRODINGER'S CATS...." - that fucking killed me 😂😂😂😂😂

[@swewened6139]

I was laughin hard at tht too

[@dracodraconias8096]

°Did you load the ammo in the "Get Fecked" Cannon? •I think so. °Well that's good enough for me. *Cannon fires without a round in it* °The she'll didn't come out.... •It still fired though.

[@SmokeGrinder]

SCHRODINGER'S CATS, that's a thumbs up for sure.

[@Nempo13]

@@dracodraconias8096 Literally space ork methodology.

@@Nempo13 Ifz itz workz, itz workz! Waaaaaaaaggggh!

[@RoninIV_unleashed]

Whomever wrote the speech from the general was actually in the military at one point.

[@Jaegerrants]

Always assume humans have bigger version of the gun you saw. It may be historical ortheoretical but it exists. The moment humans say it's thebigest, add silent "for now" in there. because will make for bigger boom or weaponize mother nature

[@IronWarhorsesFun]

ya it as very bombastic hilariously over the top and truly inspirational.

[@Volvith]

I concur. Threatening to vent your own troops for asking stupid questions in the first sentence does sound nostalgic. If i had to guess, somebody was reminiscing about their time in the Marines when writing that.

[@craigstephen3216]

Thats what i was thinking too!

[@RaderizDorret]

Not only this, but the complaints over the politicians fucking with military objectives and requirements to look good is spot on.

[@thesquirrelherder]

I love the verbal gymnastics required to keep this video monetized.

[@TheStarMachine2000]

He won the Olympics for this one

[@Wastelandman7000]

I don't love them, as I hate the stupidity of this system, but, I do love that he went to the trouble of doing it to read the piece to us.

[@bvc5320]

I also hate the system that force this, but you have to admit Squirrel has mastered the art of working through it.

[@rolandosada8077]

@@TheStarMachine2000😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@Wastelandman7000]

"We're surrounded...that simplifies our problem." ~Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller USMC

[@Wastelandman7000]

Listening to this it came to mind.

[@davethompson3326]

Less chance of Blue on Blue, when everybody else is Red

[@JRRodriguez-nu7po]

When the military wasn't DEI

[@Elyseon]

"Who the hell do you think we are?!" - Humanity's motto

[@JBEEUD]

"A miniaturized, DOMESTICATED, well behaved Black Hole" "as light and matter try to run away from it, run away from the machines of humanity" I haven't laughed that hard in a while!🤣🤣🤣

[@YDV669]

Humans can pair-bond with everything. Apparently, even with black holes.

[@maurizioginanneschi9402]

@@YDV669 Only if they are well-behaved black holes...

[@wbnc66]

@@maurizioginanneschi9402 black holes are easy, controlling politicians and bean counters that's the tricky bit

[@antonberkbigler5759]

I feel reverence for TON-618, if that counts. Fucker could easily annihilate even the fourth-hand-knowledge exaggerated versions of Goku and it has more mass than our entire *GALAXY,* if there is an idol resting on the altar of power then it is TON-618.

[@Gurtington]

I read that as a miniaturized, domesticated, well behaved black guy.... I think I'm spending to much time on sites I shouldn't be looking at

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

Thermodynamics ? Human armies do not believe in letting civilians ,get in the way o the mission. Thermodynamics, if i recall correctly, is a set of laws. They have any complaints , they can talk to the lawyers.

[@duanesamuelson2256]

Lol...natural laws not codes or statutes..I sincerely hope you were joking

[@100_American_Bison]

One hell of a crazy story. But those tankers did steal pillows and what they did is Strategic Transfer of Equipment to Alternate Locations.

[@kusada3035]

lmfao its a legit acronym S.T.E.A.L

[@guamsoncruz5107]

ah a fellow fat electrician enjoyer lmao remember its not a war crime the first time!

[@MrSirwolf2001]

Quack Bang!

[@Speed001]

I wouldn't be surprised to hear if that has really happened

[@Volvith]

For those not familiar with the military, that speech was actually quite kind. Try saying _'we're all going to die'_ in front of a CO briefing you on a mission. God forbid they'd call in the drill sarge for not doing a good enough job.

[@koathekid8255]

I think he let it off because he was so close to doing the same at the politicians he’d scratch the paint

[@JonathanLee-vz6yu]

Lmfao, when the officer said the GAG 15 type 3, could shoot schrodinger's Cats I literally wet myself with laughter.

[@robertstoneking7916]

Ahh Pixel, the cat who walks through walls. There's no stopping that one.

[@Maddog3060]

The little Brion's memoirs would take the galaxy by storm, as it was the first widely published non-classified account of humanity's battle prowess by a well-known species. Many commenters would decry its validity, but only until the Space Moth survivors swore up and down that it was exactly as they remembered. The memoirs name didn't help at first: "Insane Space Apes: My Time With the Warnauts"

[@johncochran8497]

Maxim 11. Everything is air-droppable at least once.

[@rayanderson5797]

I like how in this future we have weapons that literally delete their targets. Like you just look at an enemy fortress and go "Nah."

[@jaypax]

Col: "Sergeant. What am I looking at?" Sgt: "An enemy fortress, sir." Col: "I don't want to look at it anymore." *sips coffee* Sgt: "Yes sir!"

[@Darqshadow]

This speech and the weapons is giving me so many vibes from several universes its making me giggle insanely.

[@Iluvantir]

"You're understaffed, under-equipped, the plan is shit, the forces against you are vast. We need that target." "Mission: accepted." Later: Done, boss. Fracked up situation, but it's done. Our alien observers are in the psych ward, however."

[@Xidification]

The fact that the Whole company had 1 (one) radio and they sent a runner to another company for a replacement (who presumably also only brought one) tells me that not much has changed in the military of the future 🤷

[@Terran.Marine.2]

I was a radio operator, something always was breaking or "gone on walk about" without it's needed other parts. Like a battery, antenna 📡, or handset.

[@syncringe1885]

The worst part about that speech in the beginning... I can see someone actually yelling it at their soldiers... And some poor alien smuck who just happened to have been sent. Oh and "Wait you have bigger ones..." Is what she said. I'm a grown ass child and I don't care.

[@madnimrod2489]

This was a fun pair of stories. Was a bit scary at first, but then again, the crazy plans always work. And that short bit of attraction in the medical shed was cute.

[@VyzraSchattenmond]

I am just sitting here, laughing, and imagining the pillows getting stolen to cushion the tanks :D

[@disturbedwaffle327]

I mean, I would prefer some cushioning while plummeting in a tank.

[@GlanksFlnks]

The sheer level of controlled chaos expected from everyone with new and improved idiot proof directions brought back memories

[@instarissicco]

What's truly astonishing is how much this actually sounds like what it would actually go like 🤣

[@savevsdeath]

I believe EVERY word of it. The only fictional part is the space stuff. 🤣

[@Meowthix]

Somebody could tell me this was just some late ww2 paratrooper plan reworded and i'd believe it.

[@Jason-sm4oc]

Of course we have bigger ones, that one didn't even pierce the planetary crust!

[@MrinsaneMr]

If I thought marines could actually write, this is what I would assume they would have wrote.

[@RevokFarthis]

They bullied a tech into setting up speech to text

[@stephenwallace5969]

Crauns rite gud

[@shipleypennison2781]

@@stephenwallace5969 bro google doesn’t even know what you said😂😂

[@ryanelorza2764]

​@@stephenwallace5969huh???

[@KaseyZINC]

​@@stephenwallace5969deffintly a murin

[@yomogami4561]

thanks for reaffirming my faith in having a lack of faith of politicos great pair of stories

[@GrimpakTheMook]

Ah yes, a gravity cannon. The answer to the question "can you weaponize the Higg's boson?"

[@NeSeeger]

Im pretty sure there is a HFY about humanity weaponizing anything

[@thatotherguy8138]

"We ALWAYS have bigger ones."

[@RequiemNosferatu]

38:46 "physical form of a Fuck you " 😂 I'm dead. That it. You killed me.

[@oldnick4707]

No way in 'H-E-double-toothpicks' would I want to get hit with a Schrodinger's cat!! Hellno!

[@Nempo13]

Are you really sure you haven't been hit with one? You can't actually ever know...

[@oldnick4707]

@@Nempo13, 🤔😁

[@OGSontar]

The problem with that round is you don't know whether or not you hit until the target looks, but the target doesn't know if it was hit until _you_ look. A very confusing round, useful for sowing chaos on the battlefield...or not.

[@genericuser984]

cool they deployed the ODST Orbital Drop Shock Tanks

[@hayorge27]

Never realized sci-fi could be so 😎

[@Arexack999]

What?! Scifi is the exemplar of 🥸

[@shaincastillo6772]

The nanites have taken another one @Agro Squirrel

[@chrstfer2452]

You mustve never seen bladerunner

[@chrisweiss6363]

I also like netnarrator

[@Hellsong89]

Someone havent ever before enjoyed scifi it seems. That is where the cool is...though its easiest to write since such wide range of possibilities, while say earth born stories are somewhat limited by say gravity

[@Wei2Vile]

"How will the tank crew survive a Halo Drop?" "The 45th stole all the pillows in the ship and stuffed them in the tanks. Good luck having a good sleep when you get back!" :D

[@petergould9174]

I know; the mechanics response way too much like reality 😂😂😂

[@WallNutBreaker524]

"You fucked with the wrong species." -Humanity

[@taitano12]

Well, yeah. There's still a planet and stellar system, isn't there? DARPA's probably working on a Galaxy Gun by now. Take out a star cluster in one shot.

[@The_Viscount]

There is no problem that cannot be solved with liberal application of firepower. If it doesn't solve the problem, you aren't using enough.

[@controlledchaos9698]

Dude...as someone in the military, i feel that speech in my soul.

[@GabrielArchon]

I deeply enjoy the fact that one of the most useful tactics was to Wreck-it Ralph the moths. FIRE THE LAMP.

[@savevsdeath]

Ahh...flashbacks to my military days. Good times.

[@osmacar5331]

ah, the most terrifying ammunition type. a paradoxical cat.

[@PhoenixThunderheart]

This Author Militarys. Maybe a Army or Marine vet. Great story!

[@lainesprowl5582]

I saved the offers a army vet do the s*** talking he gives the Marines

[@Demonicpurity]

Unfortunately, it is hard to tell if the time/space laceration rounds are effective or not as we have yet to find a worthy target to test on. Although some scientists do theorize that in itself might represent a successful firing.

[@baconthedarklord970]

What killed me was "Wait... YOU HAVE BIGGER ONES?!?"

[@Mobius_118N7]

If we don't know what we're doing, the enemy definitely won't know either.

[@benjamintherogue2421]

As someone who has slept under running fighter jets in a combat zone, we really can sleep anywhere. This was clearly written by someone in the military.

[@GenStallion]

I was apart of a group called the 43, this amuses me greatly.

[@LegendStormcrow]

For a moment I was confused when he said a torch with a battery. I guess the translators work in the king's English.

[@lorenzotorresi4474]

I nearly choked in laughs at " just a physical of fuck you"

[@luisortiz9017]

7:34 best quote ever yet😂😂😂

[@TheCombatEditor62]

Uncoordinated planetary landing? infantry units only? no air support, naval support, tanks or artillery? why do I get the feeling I'm about to witness Klendathu?

[@oldnick4707]

Hey now, we can ill-afford another Klendathu!

[@ArchonSG1]

Very enjoyable story. Luckily the situation wasn't true FUBAR just SNAFU, just another day in the Military. 😂 Love the idea of the cannon though, harness the power of a black hole to propel your payload, use hyperdimensional travel to exploit range and in human terms, cause a really big unstoppable **KAAABOOOOMM!"

[@yomogami4561]

ivanova would be pleased. boom today. big boom. big bada boom

[@robertalexander5892]

@@yomogami4561 Except they didn't fill like waiting for tomorrow's boooom, they wanted it today.

[@ernestmac13]

Yes SSDD, just as another wonderful day in the military, surprised hurry up and wait wasn't part of this story, lol.

[@kusada3035]

the japanese series space battleship yamato also used black holes by compressing hawking radiation & releasing it as a beam that could pour blue piss on a planet & crack it, the entire cannon assembly is the same length as the cannon on the Ignis, so they mount it to a starship camouflaged as a hull of a ww2 battleship, the Yamato, like the GAU-8 on an A-10 thunderbolt

[@gman1515]

Why does the high tech gravity rail gun need apfsds ammo? How does a discarding sabot work at relativistic speeds? I have so many questions

[@fahrimertdincer8421]

light speed penetrative round .... oh god its just glorified fusion bomb

[@cousinzeke4888]

I don't know about fin stabilization in space but a sabot would work the same as ever.

[@topkek996]

Most likely some subcontractor sells exclusively the fin stabilizers to the military while the senate gets kickbacks. Like nowadays

[@gman1515]

@@cousinzeke4888 would it? In the void there would be no resistance to cause the sabot to discard, so it would act more like a composite round (soft outer casing, penetrating inner core). And moving in atmosphere I don't think the sabot would have time to detach because it would reach it's target in nanoseconds.

[@cousinzeke4888]

@@gman1515 It doesn't really matter if the sabot breaks off, it's job is just to create a good gas seal and keep the round centered in the bore. You'd just have the penetrator hit along with a couple pieces of junk.

[@TairnKA]

At 36:18; with the question and the answer at 36:26 I was expecting to hear a description of a battleship, maybe in the next episode, but this "Battlecruiser" was more than sufficient (they should have gotten their heads down). ;-)

[@Steelwhip2001]

well hell..sounds like SOP for every military maneuver I ever was a part of....must be Tuesday.

[@Nempo13]

Especially the whole, yeah we hate those guys but they are MY punching bag...the enemy isn't allowed. Which pretty much sums up how the branches see one another lol.

[@Meanslicer43]

Orbital drops of tanks sounds.... amazing.

[@IronWarhorsesFun]

if the plan is insane the enemy cannot possibly prepare for it LOL.

[@diyindinee7492]

Thank you for the story!

[@Monster_Ink]

This was great, thanks for the story & narration! For the algorithm!

[@cannab-al9582]

Lol i was just calling someone a crayon eater as the guy says the person planning the mission had half eaten Crayons

[@insanecrazyman7637]

I wanna know what the Schrodinger's cats ammo is...

[@oldnick4707]

I wouldn't even want to get hit by the box! Lol!

[@nobodyimportant2470]

It both does and doesn't exist until fired When the quantum state collapses the planet's core will be destroyed or the atmosphere will burn off from the mussel flash of a blank.

[@ceu160193]

Probably just means, that you either exist or not, after being hit by it. At random.

[@GabrielArchon]

@@ceu160193 If at first it doesn't work, fire again until probability and quantum observation decide the target, in fact, doesn't exist.

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo Hidden Reinforcements and a black hole gun. Sounds about right.

[@Vonbek32]

That should be a series lol that was awesome

[@johnwoods3184]

In the 77th year of the twentieth century I was able to sleep in a flying CH-47 Troop Transport!

[@Hellsong89]

With enough hearing damage you are not bothered by noise, just tinnitus, That only leaves bumpy ride and vibrations, but if you are tired enough, you sleep absolutely anywhere and in military you learn to take powernaps even while standing attention, or so i have heard.

[@duanesamuelson2256]

I've slept in c130' s flying low (not quite NOE). Hours in a droning plane beats you to sleep

[@sinpathicenderson1198]

i love that explination at the end and then " wait, you have bigger ones"

[@cannab-al9582]

"played a funny game. It involves sticks of many legnths and someone always gets butthurt"........😂😂😂😂

[@BuilderB08]

41:00 I would assume that you can’t really use that in space combat, because that seems like the type of thing to violently implode/explode if shot while firing.

[@andreacaramaschi9056]

I assume that in the setting this story is narrated in it would count as “calculated risk”

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

I see nothing wrong with the plan

[@markuhler2664]

"... as if we didn't just witness something that defies the laws of thermodynamics." That's why you shouldn't teach thermodynamics to weapon developers.

[@NeSeeger]

"I never studied Law" -RoadRunner

[@EroDisdain]

I can feel the love from all the crayons in that speech YES SIR!

[@thutanyanmarcus4134]

A HALO drop, or as I like to call it "High Altitude LEEROYYY JENKINNNSSS Orbital" drop

[@juandp3862]

I've been looking for this video for 6 months

[@danielleriley2796]

You are so good at reading these stories. I thought the AI read ones were good, however you proved me wrong and now I only listen to yours. Thanks and thanks to the authors.

[@GhoulishBrush]

Probably just me but I can’t stop imagining the Brions looking like the Avali furry species.

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

This was fricken HILARIOUS.

[@KroMagnum4]

Me likum crayons! Oddly I felt inspired to go out and fek something up🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@RensStoryteller]

"Ah... I se- wait, YOU HAVE BIGGER ONES!?!?" 🤣🤣🤣 the correct response

[@jeffhall4228]

Thanks, that was an amazing story

[@proudamerican183]

1:13 This really be a "hold my beer" moment. 😂

[@lunkystraydog6572]

When the space rabbits realize the humans half @$$ stuff

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@nos2342]

To please the algorithm is all

[@toddnesbitt3113]

I’ve heard a very similar highly motivated “morale briefing” back in 1991. Might as well get entertained, because you’re definitely doing it.

[@hanzzel6086]

FOR ENTERTAINMENT! FOR THE VOICE! FOR THE ALGORITHM! WE LEAVE OUR LIKES AND COMMENTS!

[@Alex.H.B.1970something]

Bravo Sir Encore!

[@Obligate.Carnivore]

Cracks me up. Will say ass, but not shit? Or many colorful words of the english language

[@unspacy2099ad]

OH MY GOD I WAS LAUGHING MY HAD OFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@emilschw8924]

4:06 - 37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload. Best to send in a huge detachment of your troops so as to overwhelm the enemy. Otherwise you'll need to go back for seconds. And thirds.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@Melanesian-dude]

im listening to the logistics of this and i dont think enough people understand how much of a bloody miracle this operation was

[@emilschw8924]

If the GAC can fire Schrödinger's cats, then surely it can also fire Greebos*? 😂 *He's just a big softy - Nanny Ogg

[@Darqshadow]

I have read speeches stretching from when we fought in Linear Warfare to now that contained this man's wrath.

[@donaldscholand4617]

I wonder what the Moths did to piss humanity off. Fly around our porch lights in an aggressive manner?

[@hanzzel6086]

Nah, they ate a hole in some politicians $10,000 doll suit. And then ate the Marines crayon rations.

[@caelestigladii]

This is like ww2 in space. No working radio? Every soldier we have NOW have radio.

[@firatsanliturk]

I giggled more than once at the colonel's antics. God bless him.

[@falloutfable1049]

Simple rule of thumb... When dealing with humanity... Oh... It can always get bigger... Same thing with smaller and producing the same results...

[@megadon_]

Im just listening to the Human invasion plan section of the video and every couple of seconds I hear a 'Boo-womp' in the back of my head

[@Speed001]

7/10 for sleeping under rocks, we really can sleep anywhere if made too

[@redhausser7492]

This is definetely something that would happen 100%

[@Wastelandman7000]

If you can't be tough in this universe, you'd better be crazy.

[@manaboutit1594]

These stories...just ARE!

[@brianmeadows1137]

Warnaut means war traveler or war explorer, SAS sounds more like a fighting force especially doing an air drop and mentioning "Market Garden"

[@boingboingresearcherph.d.2871]

Wait, it fires SCHRODINGER'S CATS!?