Relationship Advice: Why Guys Pull Away During Hard Times. Why you Boyfriend Pulls Away

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[@ElliotScottDating]

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[@blondetip9067]

Elliot Scott Attraction Coach I like how real u are! it's good to hear a guys "real" opinion! I'll certainly b watching a lot of ur vids lol but why is it so hard for some/most guys to actually be as open minded? I think most women are more in touch with they're feelings but I personally feel like he doesn't love me as much as I love him? We've been together for 9 years... Not married and not engaged. I want to turn my life around a little bit at a time but he seems to not be on the same page lately? I never thought I'd want nothing more but to make this man & our 2 kids happy & healthy. he acts like I don't exist & when I do make effort to talk to him lately he literally ignores me and has been sleeping on the couch I know I'm showing the whole world this (& believe me I know I'm not perfect) but I'm sure I'm not alone right? Maybe I need a coach 🤔😩 There's more to this story of course but I don't wanna give up on "us"

[@rachelk5720]

Us women do the same thing. When people grow distant- just say ‘ I know you have a lot going on… I want you to know I am here for you .. when you want to talk ‘ - I get like that. When I am stressed ( and I am a chick) - I get distant from everyone. Just chill and wait until he/ she/ person is ready today to talk again’

[@Eliza_beast]

Speak to the mechanics of how men process difficulties. Most of the time they aren’t thinking about us at all- they are trying to problem solve or strategize and for whatever reason, can’t multi task. So when are they fading out of a relationship vs dealing w real challenges and need time to do so?

[@schinreddy]

I guess the best solution when he pulls something like this is to back off and give him space

[@katierodgers8231]

I think a very important point to mention here as a key for relationships with a man, and any friendship really, is: when anyone is going through a hard time, really the last thing he wants to hear over and over is "so are you ok?" "Hows it going? How are you feeling?" "Is there anything I can do?" They are all truly good intentioned, and sometimes a relief to hear. But when a man (anyone) is struggling. Just be uplifting. No need to pry or "help" sometimes all he wants is a nice "distraction" a funny meme or joke, or song. Make him laugh or share something fun. Like we would treat any friend to perk them up. Treat your man the same. Be the girl that can lift his spirit, escape his troubles.. and he'll let you in.

[@jayjaymes6107]

I’m a man so I can say your right Katie 👏🏽

[@ivispark3780]

Agreed. I was initially saying those things and I noticed it made him actually more upset and he wouldn’t want to talk about or anything else. I’m trying to stay compassionate while stepping back, myself. We’re in a long distance relationship, too, so it’s harder cuz I want nothing more than to just give a freaking hug.

[@44mayamw]

@@ivispark3780 I’m going through this too long distance. It’s so much harder when I’m not able to be there in person. Did things get back to normal? What worked?

[@PhanRegSop]

Thisthisthisthisthis

[@eso8171]

Very true but easier to say than do in that situation because female instinct is to help and nurture others. Oh man, love shouldn't be so hard....lol

[@gaillewis5472]

Some guys are far too proud to ask for help, because they don't want to be seen as weak.

[@lifetobelived9102]

true and it will ruin a relationship

[@denig2000able]

And when you give them the space and step back still they can just decide there and then to ghost you completely. It's a very fine line as the girl is left hanging around especially if you have strong feelings for the guy. You are in a dilemma....of what to do.

[@Asma-vv4nd]

fine if this is it then he's alone now he can have fun

[@asmrsandee]

I’m sorry but this video is put in a very unnecessarily negative way. Guys pulling away when they’re stressed is a natural response because that’s just how males respond to stress they usually want to deal with their problems alone whereas women are more likely to reach out to others when they’re stressed. It’s so unnecessary to bring up whether the girl is priority/ burden because a girl can still be his priority but what if he feels lower self esteem as a result of his stress from things like his job or such. No matter whatever his priority is he’s always going to want to pull away to be alone when he’s stressed because that’s typically the nature of males.

[@Michellemybell739]

Thank you ASMR Sandee! I’m trying to analyze why I haven’t heard from my bf in two days now-last thing he texted me was that he missed me-and I know he’s been stressed with looking for new work and receiving income because he found out recently his benefits stopped and he was replaced at work by someone else. He even mentioned to me he was stressed about his bills and not being able to take care of them and those he love ( like me) . I’m just trying to be supportive-I texted him that I’m here for him and that things will work out but after the I miss u text I haven’t gotten anything back from him. I can only wait and hope I’m still a priority once things get better.

[@Heythereee998]

@@Michellemybell739 I'm in a similar situation, did he reply?

[@Michellemybell739]

@@Heythereee998 Yes I did. It’s been over a year. He did reply, but over time he’s consistently ghosted and disappeared for days, weeks even one month at a time and now it’s been three months no contact he was last at my house in October. We texted days after he left and he mentioned something about his phone that he was just now getting messages a day later and I texted him on a Thursday no response I even called and left a voicemail no response so basically yeah we broken up.

[@kelebogilemotshoane5186]

This is true

[@kelebogilemotshoane5186]

@@Michellemybell739 sorry about that. Broken/ depressed men are not the easiest to deal with.

[@XPrincess30]

"you're a burden" LMAOOO i died

[@TheAngie9409]

That's true .. this guy I'm seeing blows hot n cold. But lately he's been opening up to me and I listen. He knows I'm loyal and trustworthy friend .. I back off and allow him to come to me .. I don't ask questions, that's the key , if he wants me to know then he will tell me .. our relationship has grown , his work is extremely stressful .. I also let him text me first and or try hard to get me back into his good graces cause I dont put up with his BS ‼️. Thanks for another awesome video ☀️

[@beautifullymade3692]

What do you do when he is grieving the loss of a loved one and he pushes you away?😢

[@kelebogilemotshoane5186]

How a man deals with depression has nothing to do with the next person.

[@exoticivy4180]

I think the word your looking for is more like ....he doesn't want a "distraction"....

[@ReneelovesGod]

Thank you .. cause “burden” may not be exactly the word

[@elharrop]

I don't believe a high quality man would actually do this to begin with.

[@asmrsleep3079]

Life is life and life can get in the way. My boyfriend asks for space after a small argument because he was also dealing with work, family issues, his truck was breaking down, etc.

[@lifetobelived9102]

I like how you explained it as a "burden". It got that way with my ex. I became a burden to him and it was easier to let me go than deal with his own issues and vice versa but I continue to work on my own stuff. He had a deal breaker issue that I could only help so much without him getting professional help which he refused. Then my health took a dive he just wasn't capable of helping me and keeping himself afloat. It actually made me very angry which just added more fuel to the fire. One day after a surgery I realized that when I got really old that I wouldn't be able to depend on him if I got really sick and needed help. I need someone in my corner.

[@user-tk4qd8dj1p]

he could have communicated if cared to keep the relationship while respecting you. someone willing to disrespect you doesnt value you. leave this type of person

[@yvonnesishuwa7500]

Yep!I blocked him..

[@priyankachauhan3443]

I liked it when you said "you're a burden" i wanted him to say this clearly to me but he always makes excuses maybe because he doesn't wanna hurt my feelings. I really needed someone to say this to me so that i can accept and move on. Thanks for opening my eyes and making it all clear.

[@babysosa8279]

I love hearing you talk while I drink my coffee every morning it has become a routine lol . love you elliot you're awesome 💖

[@ninak.8107]

I thought this video would have said that if he pulls away during hard times he probably doesn't trust you enough to confide in you or seek consolation from you.

[@MakeupbyPenny]

I needed to hear this today, thank you Elliot!

[@niknic5935]

This is exactly how my bf is behaving now. cut me out to deal with his stress.

[@bhumikarai3989]

Same here..

[@stephybay302]

Same!

[@anikasharma9380]

How do you cope with it and the uncertainties of relationship?

[@Miaaaaaaaaa295]

Mine currently is too, we are also long distance and i know last time i spoke to him he felt stressed from work, As this is the first time in the past 2 years it's happend i was shocked and i've looked at so many videos, cause its soooo hard to just back off when you care to much but i have had to, how did you guys get through it?

[@mayannbeltran9991]

How are yoh guys now?

[@omgcarsonnn]

I can say this- clearly if he pulled away then you’re not a priority and he’s choosing himself, so you should make yourself a priority to you and choose YOU. Don’t accept some bullshit garbage excuse because the fact of the matter is that if their interest level was high enough and they truly and genuinely cared about you, they would have no reason to leave you and would instead of lean on you during their time of need. I just don’t feel like it’s right to sugarcoat a situation like this.

[@alexandriabenson4215]

This video is right on the money! I can't tell you how many times I shook my head yes while watching!!!! So my question is.... what should the woman do? If he has pulled away... or asked for space.. what does the woman do... I know.. rhetorical question.... clearly... give the man space... but what if you're head over heels in love with this man and this happens?

[@jen4yahwehsal176]

This is what you say I think it's best that you be alone right now I want nothing more for you to be happy that being said I hope that when things are right with you that I will still be available but as of right now I deserve someone to be 100% in with me is showing that you're caring a kind person but you're also letting him know that when things get better you can't guarantee that you'll be there for him

[@elliecee8114]

This is spot on. Hurtful to listen to but real.

[@ATTAGIRL1814]

So why did he come back when he was done with the stressful time?

[@TheCookie9007]

Hi Eliott. Not hard. Actually normal. In emergencies I take care of myself first in order to take care of others. Hard times call for hard measures and that has taken me a long time and tears to understand. We are just humans. I love the team scenario you talk about in the video and as you say that is next level because for it to be more than one trial has to pass. Thank you. Peace, pace and love. Have fun.

[@annmariewilson1629]

your videos are awesomes! some guys just need space... I've learned that the hard way. some guys can only handle so much before they snap.

[@laveenaguptalive9062]

Not burden but responsibility I guess

[@shaylanewlife]

I knew it his going through hard times I am very understandable and supportive. I told him I am here for him I am not going no where. I'm here for him if he needs to talk to me that's what I told him.

[@CeLiNa9090]

We are not chasing men ladies, we are the price.

[@kaylarose9760]

I'm just starting this video because I really wanted to know this answer. Now you're saying that the reason won't be as pretty as I think....I'm steeling myself for some tough love. Yes, that was tough to hear but very eye-opening. Thank you for this blunt advice.

[@librarose319]

@elliotscott You mean burden in the sense that He's not able to focus on you and give you the attention needed relationship wise due to the heavy stress that is impacting his life . All tho he may love you and still want to be with you he would rather push you away to prevent taking out any frustrations out on you . And men won't verbalize this cause it's in their nature to do be as emotional and expensive. But if you really pay attention his actions should speak louder than words.

[@aestheticallydd252]

Thank you for this comment 🤗

[@zzzzz2120]

He dumped me during a hard time. He got out of his depression and I fell into mine. I was there for him when he was depressed but he dumped me when I got depressed.

[@laetitiannyoung6545]

The dude I have been seeing since November and I are always going at it. He is not demonstrative and he pulls away a lot. That's why I cussed him out and we broke up in late January. Fast forward 5 weeks later (early march) he came back, showing affection like he never did before. I stopped him because I knew it was going against his nature. He told me he had sex with a girl but that he realized he wanted me back. So after that, we stared dating again, but he pulls away and comes back. I don't call him, I don't text him, I don't say anything at all because I wait for him to call me. I have been from the extreme of showing a lot affection in previous relationships and receiving some to this. I don't really care for him like that although I do have feelings for him but men are tired to me, their games are old and I want something else. I am 21 and he is 26 and we have been through a lot in our personal love lives but I want a great shit for once. But I don't know, I just don't care for men anymore

[@laetitiannyoung6545]

We were broken up at the time. I am not really mad or tripping about what he did when we were broken up but I do agree that something is off

[@msexlexi1606]

Jacquie Nnyoung, I might have been younger than 16 the first time I decided I was done with men, and easily a thousand times or more since. Whether you plan it or not, like it or not, you will come back. So it's best to be prepared, and ideally, even though the pain and desires are just as real, the age isn't. 21 is young for permanence, but you can enjoy it and learn from it and be stronger for it. Listen to Eliot! Be open to learning and meeting new people and bettering your life. Best, just enjoy yourself for whatever it's worth. Try to relax and hopefully you realize things are not as big of a deal as we often make them or to be, and they do get better. Hope this info helps you some, and hang in there!

[@laetitiannyoung6545]

Ms Ex Lexi thanks. It definitely is food for thoughts❤ I used to complicate things too much but now that my heart has been broken so much, I feel like their is a wall between me and love, I feel so vulnerable at times but so careless too. I am ready to be by myself for a while, I got to collect this money after I become a lawyer and maybe the right man will come along later on in life

[@83loveanimals]

Jacquie Nnyoung hi. i have a situation with a guy ..we have been dating for two months since last december then he pulled away. ..saying he is not ready and not over his past long relationship. since i am so into him..I kept seeing him every once in a while to have sex. ..and I understand it is not good for me. anyway he keeps texting once a week. .I never text him ...but do you Think, like in your situation, there is still a hope for me to have him back ?

[@83loveanimals]

Patricia Lopez actually after we stopped dating 4 months ago,we just had sex twice. .The fact is that we have great chemistry that is why i couldn't resist. but now i"d like to know if there are any chances he could rethink it and want to date me again (if I stop giving him what he wants)

[@spearmint4093]

Hi Elliot, what does your new Value book explain that your free 254 pages book didnt explain? :) isn´t it the same? How long is the Value book? :* Thanks for great content

[@elizabethseiden8386]

It seems like you take the guys side as though he is always a good person. There are a lot of bad men out there that are emotionally and abusive to women. The last man I dated was a narcissist. He had whats called narcissistic personality disorder. I met him online. Now I cannot date again. It was pure hell! There's tons of women who have dated men with n.p.d. They are takers. What about the guys who are users, takers? N.p.d. has harmed both women and men trying to have relationships. It seems like no one cares about this topic of harmful toxic people and no one realizes what's going on because they're not educated about n.p.d.

[@ericaparkman8616]

I love how blunt u are! Lolol

[@kimmielindblad]

That's exactly why my ex-boyfriend broke up. If it´s because of stress, how do I win him back?

[@dwildone2007]

I would say this is true for both men and women alike...

[@lauriee5200]

So u are saying that once he pulls away bc of finally realizing that he has some serious issues to deal with from his past (wife leaving him for his co-worker(twice), both parents passing within a few yrs of each other (dad happened to also be his best friend)), & getting into some long term weekly counseling, that he's gone for good? I know u can't speak on this particular guy, but I've been in & out of his life for mor than 30 yrs..he has spent countless hrs talking to & crying to me...I just really believe he needs to deal with those things & things will be fine! But I really appreciate hearing what NOT to do (texting, asking how he's doing, etc)...makes what he's going thru clearer for me. Its really a miracle that any marriage survives when men & women are SOOOOO different!!!!!

[@hannahjacka8290]

my boyfriend is still talking and seeing me through his hard times with work and figuring out his life but whenever we’re not together he seems miserable and the texting convos are so “hi” “hi” “hru?” “good” “good”…. it’s so frustrating.

[@shanm6677]

How about we stop giving guys excuses for shitty behavior.

[@Zissou1107]

I met a guy and we like each other (nothing happened so far) but now he told me that he has a girlfriend and it's not working out and he wants to leave her.... I know he is not a good idea... but is there anything I could do? I told him: you know ....I like you and want to get to know you better but at this moment you are not "free" so unfortunately this disqualifies you. After this little speech he is still writing me and things like that. What should I do? If I am really honest to myself I know that I can't win. What do you think Elliot?

[@mishilaashlyn5994]

So what about when you guys live together have a whole life and he just leaves ignores you? Flips your whole life upside down? Are you supposed to just deal with it?

[@marylcampbell2409]

So im a burden ?? LoL 🤣not even offended hehe anyways im just letting him fix himself together .. giving him all the space that he needed 💕💯 thanks for this👌

[@Dreamsareareality]

No you are not. ❤️❤️

[@Catherinelaird_]

What if a guy who isn’t your bf but your fwb says this???

[@imbonnie]

good video.

[@ReneelovesGod]

This is good.. truth .. but tell me this why won’t he just “say that”?... and why would he say call me and not be available when I call ?

[@julia3061]

I am so in that situation where my ex is having a mid-life crises. He is 30 and he seems to wanna be with me yet now is kicking me out cause I come with to much demands on him which he can't work out. So he feels that it's to much on him because he needs to organise things for himself first, I think. Correct? I am not sure what those are. Probably his goals and stuff as Elliot said. but it feels like he is a bit shut. He is as shut as a closed door. But still has a lot of thoughts and feelings.

[@melanieperry4721]

Mines pulling away cause me and his mom dont get along he wants me to be friends with her but she snubs me how do i handle this?

[@leemaclennan2832]

Could it be that the reason why he is also pulling away is because he met someone else ? Lets call that other person a rebound ? Could that also be a possibility. What do you think ? Could that also be something to wonder about. I am really curious because the exact same thing happened to me I did not become a priority after 2 years in ? What ! I would really like to receive your input on this. Thank you Elliot !!! ☺

[@danam358]

He’s talking about a man going through hard time and all you think about is what if he’s found someone else? Lol

[@melanieperry4721]

He still loves me hes just hoping ill change how do i do that

[@QueenBee-zb1fg]

What if he's kicking you out during a hard time but he still expect sex. He doesn't want to connect, but he still wants you to sleep with him.

[@dwi5833]

Hi Elliot, what to do if I screwed up (kiss other guy) with the guy I newly dating... we were so into each other, sadly he pull away 😭how to get him back? thank you

[@anastasia10017]

how would you like it if that happened to you ? you messed up. move on.

[@mioakisan]

Hmm he still keep me around even though he is going through his own shit and life circumstances and I distance myself lately. Hmmmmm

[@melissaberry8810]

Guys don't want to be with me because I'm crazy and unattractive. I own my issues and need to find a guy who's got his own in check as well. But so far all I have is married guys around me anyway lol.

[@bethanyconner8228]

My ex did the same on sunday and im on the journy of trying to get him back he said the love is still there

[@KiaPiaaa]

Bethany Conner same situation here. How did everything turn out between you guys?

[@meowyellen]

Mine said the same he said he still loves me and that he can’t say he doesn’t want this he’s just going crazy in stress and uncertainty. How did it end for you???

[@KiaPiaaa]

Maryellen Torres my ex became distant the last week we were together and then when I asked him why he got irate and said he wanted to break up. 2 days later we exchanged our items we had of each others. And 1 week later I begged for him back and he waiters until 4 days later to tell me he doesn’t want to get back together. So we’ve officially been broken up almost 1 month now and I’m still in so much pain. I just want things to go back to normal I miss him and idk what happened 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@jen4yahwehsal176]

He's going through a nasty custody hearing with his ex..says he's a mess just could not be in a relationship he still has two teenage kids at home

[@nottherealmccoy9862]

Same. We were together six months everything was great. Then the custody battle, he got 100 percent and the next day his grandpa died. Now we are barely talking but we are still talking, and I am feeling confused… does he want space? Does he need more support? Should I be cheering him up with light stuff? Should I cut him loose so he can deal and cope? Why?????? Why does it have to be so confusing?

[@carolynnwhite2807]

​@@nottherealmccoy9862this is half of what's going on for him and exactly how I'm feeling, but he said we'll be fine. But when? 😮‍💨

[@khuizaliz7335]

this vid seems a bit all over the place. you dont mention how long we need to let guys pull away to solve whatever sh*t that is in his plate. how and when do we start to approach them when they go through this difficult time

[@sabrinadeangelis3374]

Khu iza Liz I would give it a week and see what happens.

[@tiffanywarren1605]

Seems like you're speaking to a specific age range and a very young age range at that. I don't think what you described is just guys being guys. It sounds like boys trying to figure out how to be a man. Some women who are nagging at their man for validation of the relationship can def be annoying. In that case, I can understand a guy pulling away. But there's a maturity factor that I don't think is addressed enough with men in dating. If the maturity is not developed, they probably shouldn't be in a relationship. Running away without telling the person what's up is a cowardly move. No other explanation for it. Male dating coaches for women should balance both sides, masculine, AND feminine energies before advising.

[@ElliotScottDating]

Happens a lot more in older men than younger.

[@carolthomas107]

Say it isn't true Elliot.....you're leaving your car???? lol I want to see vlogs of you just going about your daily life...because...you know we're all in love with your sexy self!!!

[@ramfaki1256]

Carol Thomas hahaha!

[@kimt8162]

Also, throw in financial. Here's an example; many times money does come into the relationship. THere was this great couple, they had a baby. Unfortunately, the guy seemed to have lots of trouble after this (yes, they were married). They didn't live near any family members whom could help watch the baby. So stress came between who did what work. Her arguement was she doesn't make that much money and felt it was better for her just to stay home with the baby. Financially, it made sense. Unfortunately, there are guys who don't think they should have to sacrifice...somebody has to pay for things. Yes, a guy should feel like his life is better with you, but they forget the sacrifices their parents made for them. and when it's they're turn,somehow they seemed to forget this part and act selfish. So guess what, he left her for a career woman with no kids. It was obviously financially based, his decision to leave her. The wife and the child were in a messy situation as a result.

[@user-pe2lw1ze8i]

Guys are really annoying sometimes. Can’t read your minds, geez

[@vibing3277]

💀💀💀💀

[@simangelezulu9241]

Your choice of words are very negative. Thumbs down