Relationships Are Our Best Opportunity for Achievement

[@TheLadsonsLife]

My husband and I do check ins with each other. We have my mom babysit our kids and we go out on a dinner date. And in lack of better terminology, we evaluate our relationship. We list all the things that are working to make the marriage stronger. Then we list two things that we think would help our relationship on a day to day. There is always compromising and check-in helps a lot! After that, we focus on the two things that we listed for each other until it becomes a part of our routine. That way we don't dwell on the negative and continue to grow Together. Then we do the same on the next date 🙌🏽

[@bbkix]

Love how intentional you two are with this! Thanks for sharing. Serious question and I hope it doesn't come off poorly due to text format - Do you ever just have light-hearted date nights? Or do you both find that sort of exercise to be fun?

[@TheLadsonsLife]

@@bbkix no worries, it's asked perfectly 🙌🏽 a little bit of both, we go into these dates knowing that we are going to come out stronger. To mind you, we have four kids so anytime we have with each other we make it the best time. 💕 these dates always end very light hearted and fun.

[@fergie004]

"you just don’t inspire me", this is such a harsh truth, but a valid one 😮‍💨

[@fwredone1]

Been there

[@birdiewolf3497]

That’s brutal tbh. It’s so real and valid, but what a blow to the ego. I am just imagining if I said that to certain people they would have completely spiraled.

[@chantellemodisane]

Shan, are we studying with you? I feel honoured 😂 This video puts the whole “dating for potential” on a larger detailed scale

[@meekocicero1010]

😂 it does feel like that , but i also love it. When you learn something - if you can’t teach it did you really learn?

[@alexandrak4180]

The 'I can't see my best version with you' is such a valid point for breaking things off. I never thought of it before but for sure is something I'm applying.

[@AnyaEsma]

Maslov himself, in his lifetime, distanced himself from the idea that self-actualization stands above all. He recognized the need for community and rather than individualism focused on the self. Any theory that is purely about the individual fails to recognize the communal nature of humans. For many people, being in a relationship where they purely caretake their significant other feels exactly right to them - it doesn't get them anywhere. But it gives them a sense of community and safety.

[@AnyaEsma]

(But of course focusing on community isn't useful for capitalism which is all about self-actualization through work at the cost of all relationships, so the fact that Maslov changed his idea is not spoken about often.)

[@okaygworl]

@@AnyaEsmaRight! And don’t forget that he was inspired by the Siksika (Blackfoot) people’s way of life

[@eros8385]

The part where you had a dialogue about the hard times you are going through individually was so beautiful and romantic.

[@yazvicnic567]

I loved the end!!!! Y’all should consider using this type of content to create a yt shorts series. Having vulnerable discussions w/ serene music playing in the background plus the calming visuals?! yoooooooo 🥹✨

[@yazvicnic567]

Amazing work guys as per usual 🤞🏽💕

[@holisticspiritualgirl]

Just had to end a relationship because he wasn’t growing or showing any movement towards the dreams and visions we had for our future together. Instead he was spiraling with drugs and alcohol and blaming or attacking me when I would try to bring up my concerns with him. I feel like it was starting to bring me down and he was hurting me as he got pulled further down. I realized I couldn’t keep accepting it anymore.

[@jeanettemena1286]

My friend was with someone for 12 years. She plugged him into her networks, helped him grow. When he became a CEO (she was also c suite level) he left her for another woman. A lot of dating coaches would recommend not building a man up. I also heard of two separate instances when a woman housed and supported a man through medical school and once they no longer needed the support and got their degree, the man left.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Oh yes, the "come up" woman. The gf/wife who supported him through the hard times cannot see him as a hero. She's seen the "before" AND "after". Now the (inevitably younger) woman he takes up with offers him fatherhood (if he wants), but more importantly she sees him as newly minted. That is all she's ever known him as; he can start afresh. The age gap will also ensure that the balance of power is in his favour.

[@TBREAKTIME]

LUHHHHV THE FUN CHANGES TO STYLE AND EDITING Shann&Jared are making!!

[@TBREAKTIME]

Just finished the vid, it's so raw so beautiful and so real, thank you both

[@Demahevans]

Wow!!! I’ve never heard of this theory but it is so helpful for me to learn because this was the issue in my last relationship. He was a very sweet man who was willing to do anything for me but he didn’t speak to my higher self. Looking back he’s in the same place right now as he was 8 years ago and that’s incredibly stifling. Thank you again! I’m definitely journaling about this today.

[@thrilla72]

Your higher self!? Huh? He's in the same place? Are you talking about his career?

[@jimmyvasquez6851]

This was very eye opening for me. I’m about 8 months into being single after ending a 6 year relationship. I couldn’t quite place the reason as to why I was falling out of love with my partner and this gave me a lot of context! Thank you for sharing 😊

[@Passport2Pleasure]

Socializing strategically has enabled me to show up as a more present and generous partner in all of my relationships because all of my relationships are net-positive for all and not one-sided.

[@rvgrat4713]

I’m in that spot now. The “you just don’t inspire me” after 5 years. It hurts I just wish I realized I was comfortable in that “pot” earlier. Keep the videos coming 🥲

[@cousinttaw]

Powerful conversation... The chemistry between the 2 of you is infectious! Thanks for sharing.

[@loubarrett4369]

Loved this! Here for all of the Shan white board lecture vids

[@bimaloxley]

i love these mixed methods of teaching/learning. theory, then practice through your conversations!

[@timbit827]

This theory is interesting. I think helping your partner grow is more than just work wise. It could also but emotionally or intellectually.

[@shanboody]

Yea if u watch where Jared and I talk at the end I think a good example of this is in our sex life, Jared wanted to learn information and tools from me and I wanted to learn authenticity and flow from him.. so to your point, expansion can happen on many fronts

[@timbit827]

@@shanboody ah yes! I was a bit too stuck on thinking about work. I'm going to try to think about this more for my own relationship.

[@esmeraldagamgeetook2454]

I'm loving your content and format recently. The combination of teaching with the whiteboard, the one-on-one conversation and the cinematic/poetic reflection at the end on your identity crisises was beautiful and engaging! I think this theory checks out with my experience. My partner and I both bonded over a lot of failed relationships we were seeing. Where people were sabotaging who they wanted to be to preserve a relationship and ending up bitter and spiteful. We both decided we would both only stay together while we had synergy, where us together was "better" than us seperate.

[@BeautyyKilla]

I haven't seen a video of yours in a while, and this popped up on my feed. I'm glad I clicked on it, I really enjoyed this video & learned a few things. ❤

[@shanboody]

Welcome back!! I came to an epiphany recently where I realized my gift is teaching…not therapizing..not influencing and not even necessarily facilitating conversation (which I am good at that too but without the teaching element it can feel conflicting). So yeah it actually took me awhile to come to this but this is what I love to do oxo

[@GaylynLareese]

@@shanboodyAnd that’s why we love you. Looking forward to more 🤗

[@antwuanhall7]

Heavy on the reading! And learning. And writing...

[@darcspeagal2]

Im in the minority of humans. I dont seek all i can achieve therefore i hold no value in the eyes of most. I know im not alone. Some of us seek peace not endless chaos. Most like me just unalive as this mindset your describing drians the idea of love and meaning out of life. Im ok not being loved for seeking peace beyond material worth however knowing that my fellow humans see love as a stepping stole, spice, temporary companion, etc is a pain hard to articulate. Hell cant be worse than this loveless place.

[@cariiinen]

Growth in a relationship can also mean learning to live a more peaceful life. Sounds like you have a lot to offer: )

[@musicneurons7807]

I LOVE this era of Shan omg. The expertise eeeee

[@tabeazaugg9226]

I will listen to this episode another 10 Times: So much good stuff!!!

[@elimo3901]

Great video! And it really spoke to me about why I might have bad luck in love. I remember once, Shannon, you saying: "The angels are angry with me for walking beside my path". It really resonated with me. Since I was a child I had a dream and I ended up going after that dream, but then I found it difficult to maintain this dream and career, so I ended up leaving it completely. I was both homeless (I was lucky to be able to stay with a parent, but for a little too long) and unemployed for a period. I didnt feel like the best version of myself, and even though I dated and was in shorter relationships, I was rootless. I ended up doing different things while trying to find a new direction in my life, career-wise. Again I dated, but maybe I didn't really have anything to offer other than my company and maybe I just didn't feel like being alone. Fast forward and I ended up creating a completely new working life by taking a new education and changing industry. I am quite proud of myself as it has required perseverance, willpower and patience. I have also gone to different kinds of therapy and really worked on myself. I live and earn well, and I do things I enjoy in my free time, like draw, read, write, do excercise, go to cultural events, hang put with friends and travel. Even so, I still have bad luck in love, and for long periods I entirely stay away from the dating scene, because I can't take any more rejections. It's exhausting and too painful. I'm really trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Am I still not reaching my full potential? Am I attracting the wrong type of people because of my upbringing? Is it the combination of now being over 40, a brown woman in a white majority society, where you are often fetishized, not having a strong hinterland due to my family being scattered around the world... No one knows. But as someone else pointed out here, I neither want to be a stepping stone, want to carry someone hand and foot, be dependent on someone, believe that I have to be saved by someone. I just want to love someone and be loved. Is that really too much too ask?

[@aniyaprice5068]

My mentor who doesn’t know she’s my mentor. Thank you Shan for doing your work and sharing!

[@TheOnlyTaps]

Loving this format. Great watch as always 👊🏿

[@kylaknight3655]

Firstly, this is so thought provoking and eye opening. Specifically for me, about loving a succulent. I wonder what this means in the context of being a solo-poly person? How does my goal of having a peaceful and stable constellation couple with my inner goal of being present moment? Is there a better analogy beyond Star-gazing? Having survived DV, I realized that in that relationship I betrayed my trusted partners and inner circle by shrinking myself. But I also feel deep gratitude for those years of isolation because I was able to really hone in on some of my core values. During that time OG KZbinrs were my safe space and my place of refuge. Thank you for being apart of those parasocial relationships where I could simply listen and not always have to respond.

[@EdwardSanchezProductions]

Money is one of the reasons why couple break up

[@loveheart5578]

I think money sometimes is viewed as the physical manifestation of one's efforts. Because we spend time working fir money. Time is spent away from your partner/family. It's what is used to care for everyone. So if you don't make it or make enough are you truly putting in the effort to care for your partner and family. Knowing that money is currency that allows you to do that in society.

[@Gurke30876]

Girl, i missed you!

[@christinablacken3043]

I feel like this applies to friendships as well and feel like ice def attracted user like folks bc of the things I offer and I didn’t have good boundaries when younger to find better reciprocation. All learning lessons.

[@eniola7968]

Oh my goodness I needed this video a couple of months ago. But seeing everything I was feeling phrased so perfectly is so validating!

[@jayceegancena6451]

Thank you for this video. Thank you for providing us with the language in explaining the hard truth for both ourselves and partner. I love the part where you and Jared shared each other’s take on this. Thank you both for sharing your honesty!

[@EdwardSanchezProductions]

Thank you for teaching us something Shan

[@ZaydaFleming]

I think distributed cognition has been a major factor in my current long term romantic partnership. Also he makes me want to be a kinder and more well rounded person. It helps that he cooks and we have a high overlap in our senses of humor.

[@thrilla72]

He cooks? So what do you do for him?

[@ZaydaFleming]

@@thrilla72 I am doing him a favor by not cooking honestly. We divide the housework in a way that feels fair to us.

[@thrilla72]

@@ZaydaFleming Doesn't that worry you that in adulthood you can say not cooking is doing someone a favour? But you divide the housework? In what ratio? Who earns the bulk of the money?

[@ZaydaFleming]

@@thrilla72 None of that is any of your business.

[@thrilla72]

@@ZaydaFleming LOL given that YOU decided to share details of your relationship to the entire internet without prompt, why is that question wrong?

[@beykaylene1345]

This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time! Thank you!!!!

[@CaribbeMa11]

I was called an opportunist. Everyone is a source.

[@jordanesmith6128]

I'm so thankful for square space because if it were not for them sponsoring this channel we would not get videos from Shan.

[@lisasims3970]

U look so pretty shan. Much love to u n the family

[@gounch.1186]

aye, shan. this is more like it.

[@emjitheg]

This is amazing! You‘d be a fire university professor :D

[@rizuejigu7402]

Looks at title...violently agrees!🎉❤

[@taylornicolehartman]

This video is so awesome girl

[@daniellebaxter4504]

A fun mix to your typical content love it!❤

[@BabySurgeon12]

As much as I would love to get into a relationship at this point, I feel like I can’t really provide much as a potential partner- my last relationship really screwed up my finances (and still is currently with my credit- in the process of getting that fixed) and I’m also in progress of making a career change because I’m unfulfilled in my job… besides having “good looks” and being a “companion” I just don’t feel like I can provide much else in a long term serious relationship 😕

[@cariiinen]

Life experience, resilience, wisdom.... I think you may have a lot to offer!

[@Uniquelybeau]

HIIIII SHANNNNN!!!!!

[@aisharedux781]

I love this!

[@BriMilli]

Hi Shan can you link the video you play at the end 💜 all of this was so good thank you.

[@sweet2sourr]

Dang Shan!

[@DeepSleepingState]

Love this!

[@blackyogini]

great information and lovely share

[@meshap.8713]

Drop the lipstick color!!!

[@EllenJones-d8g]

I really liked this video but the constant movement of the camera made me motion sick

[@aspengraves7017]

I love teacher Shan 🥹

[@EfrainParra-ns6hd]

I was wondering as of intro berys what kind of emotional is the empowering process for the both and indoesonately process

[@marychiku3531]

I love what you do #shanboody ❤️

[@thrilla72]

What does 'The best version of myself' even mean. So vague

[@cariiinen]

That's for every individual to define for themselves. No one can do that work for us

[@cay8888]

What video was the ending clip from ?

[@h3artands0uLL]

I’m just going to say it :/ : I worry about your two little girls, especially Ryu. I hope you guys are teaching them safety skills and how they can tell you if anything happens to them. And that there are no secrets to be kept in your family - so they don’t have to hide anything from you. All tactics an unsafe person would use*. All to say, it seems like you guys have people coming over all the time and I just hope those girls are safe. Never unattended or left alone with a male (yes even females are unsafe sometimes but it’s mostly males). 90% of predators are people the family knows well and trusts with kids. Heck, sadly, sometimes it is family that crosses that line and causes trauma. I’m not trying to scare you just give facts and stats. There’s more stats out here but I’ll stop here so you can look them up yourself if you’re interested. Just hope you get all the info on child safety and teach your girls very young too. Lots of books, pages to follow, and resources out there to help with that. Can provide info about that too if you want. Just hope you’re baby girls are safe. Innocence in childhood is so important to protect and upkeep. Wishing your family the best.

[@TheBaba1920]

Carmen

[@StarTown7634]

The editing of this video is very TikToky with all the random memes which kind of and but not entirely takes away from the information in the video.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

This is the Tik Tok generation.

[@martianmoongdds]

🙏🏼🤍

[@tcrulez6969]

firstttt

[@theprolificnetwork4670]

There's nothing new here. It's maslow theory of motivation

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

She quoted Maslow at the beginning. She didn't say it was new. Very little is. She's adapting it more specifically to intimare relationships.

[@mrsbluekiwi111]

this format is amazing Shan, please more of this!! i definitely agree that your gift is teaching, i feel as though you’ve elevated my thinking on sex relationships and life over the years. i’m honored to continue to watch your growth🥹