Chapter 6

[@RenMakesStuff]

I never really talk about any of this stuff so it's been pretty daunting putting it out there but hoping it helps... there is 2 more chapters to go and then my new song Troubles comes out. it's the most ive opened up in a song about what ive been through with my health. I'm hoping we can all come together to generate more awareness and support for people who are struggling. it's available to pre-order and it massively helps if you're able to purchase the track on iTunes or bandcamp. love x renmakesmusic.lnk.to/Troubles

[@Tinkerbell9332]

This was the hardest one yet 🫂Ren words can't express how much I appreciate you and I see how hard you try. Thank you!

[@EmmaBaker-ty2bj]

Was so brave and really hard to listen too,what you are doing trying to raise awareness is amazing…well done Ren and thank you for everything ❤

[@Baldevi]

I am so honored and awed that I can hear this terrible tale, knowing that while you're not really and truly well yet, you are still here, and ar better, are inspired and sharing music and yourself with the world. No shame, no resistance to sharing your Truth, just Ren, a Microphone, and a painful but hopefully cathartic release of what once was and is now behind you. You're beautiful, thank you so much.

[@ailsarayner5982]

Felt so for you, your Mum, brave and protective, loving and never giving up… you rock young Sir ❤❤

[@MikeyG830]

Thank you for sharing your story Ren. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, its sounds like torture. I hope your heath situation improves to a point that the level of severity you went through is but a distant nightmare one i hope never comes back for you. Good luck with your new song. I've pre-ordered!

[@andrewrowlinson4272]

I would like to take this moment to give Ren's mother her flowers. To see her baby boy suffer so much must of been heartbreaking. How she supported, comforted and encouraged Ren through those difficult years is a true testament of a mother love. So, if I may be so bold, on behalf of all RENagades.....With all our heatrs....THANK YOU!

[@Hailstarr86]

Ditto. I couldn't help but to see myself rubbing my son's feet humming him the tune I sand him as a baby as he is in such pain. Hugs and Love to Rens Mama and Ren too 🫂 🌺❤️

[@pamquick600]

Oh yes, the agony she must have felt to watch her son go through such agonies. I am sure she suffered. What a brave and loving mother to stand with him through it all. She definitely is a champion.

[@jeanhiebert3425]

And for Michael

[@williamkeith8740]

Hear, hear - absolutely.

[@rowanelessar5892]

Absolutely. 💯 🙏🏻🕊🕯

[@annanimity2034]

I'm so glad you had your mom still. Thanks to Rens Mom.

[@TheAlchemyMage-ot7zr]

Love your Mum!!!

[@dustinwalker8152]

There are few things in the universe stronger than the love of a good mother.

[@francesdoll4039]

I'm really holding your mum in such loving energy. She was your first line of defense against the horrors of that time and all times. What a treasure she is. Loved watching that phone call to her when you got #1. Thought my heart would burst.

[@pamquick600]

I broke down and wept when I saw Ren telling his mother on the phone that his album was #1. I am so happy he shared that moment with her. I wept again today as Ren spoke of all she did in his darkest times. She deserves so much of our love. I know I will be eternally grateful for her loving care of her dear son. 💜

[@marianneszijj]

This! 💯 💔❤️‍🩹❤️

[@nickilee1587]

❤

[@allisonal]

For you to be standing here today as a counterexample to all the ways the medical system might have tried to treat you is such a big deal. Appreciate you digging into these painful memories.

[@ashildstoreng2681]

So brave and important!

[@Hexenkind1]

Once again: The mere fact that you are here with us right now, telling us your story is a miracle. You are a miracle. I hope the right people see it. Sufferers but also doctors, specialists of all kinds who maybe could make a difference. All I know is that you will not stop advocating until your dying breath. And I will be right there with you.

[@AmberWaves-l2h]

❤

[@rudyb.]

Definitely the hardest Chapter to watch but I got emotional till I saw you singing “Pocket Full of Pain”. Your musical talent was always there & kept you alive. I wiped away my tears watching you sing. Thank you to your Mum, who was an Angel by your side…always. Peace.

[@sashayall]

Your mother is also an angel...just like you. Bless her dear heart and yours too.

[@ladonna9938]

As a mom, this broke my heart. It is so instinctual to go back to humming the songs you once comforted your baby with when you are at a loss of how else to help them. 💔 I am so happy for you and your whole family that you are not still stuck in the hopelessness.

[@kennethmichael5404]

How could anyone not love this kid and his perseverance? The music he's released along his journey is a gift to so many. His music was the chisel he used to shape his pain and create musical masterpieces. A true tortured artist. Love this kid! He's earned everything he's achieving now... and much more.

[@Ke_lynn]

A million arms around you 🫂 You are loved 🤍

[@kellyt5341]

Love this..❤

[@cat48thia]

❤❤❤

[@jasonklenetsky5687]

Your story continues Your journey goes on You’re telling your story Through words and with song A snapshot of existence So we can all sing along Having gone through what you went through You chose to hold on Your determinations inspiring That hunger, that drive Without a doubt, the reason Why you’re still alive Your life has a purpose Your words carry weight You’re opening dialogue With what you create Continue to sing out Remember to dance You’re coming in clearly To all of your fans Keep lifting up ships Stay surrounded by friends And like that homeless man once told you “It’ll be all right, Ren”

[@kellyt5341]

Beautiful Jason and heartfelt. 🤗

[@SandraP3796]

Beautiful Jason x

[@Veeliscious]

👏 Just Lovely Jason

[@ChorltonandtheWheelies]

That was gorgeous Jason, thank you for sharing that with us. Gosh - even us Renagades are talented! 😊👏✌

[@0verloADHD]

Oh my Gosh, that brought tears to my eyes. Not because it wasn't positive but just how beautiful your chosen words were. Thank you for sharing that ❤️

[@jeanwyenberg2774]

You are some kind of warrior. A gentle warrior. With a mother who gave you life and helped save it.

[@1705louloutte]

Saw professeur perronne, the french specialist in Lyme disease, saying he believes a third of psychiatric hospital could be helped by treating the patient for Lyme disease

[@NastyCrabcakes]

This one really hurt to watch. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to tell this story in its full, ugly truth to thousands of people. Reliving your darkest moments and opening yourself up to us in this way takes tremendous courage. I am so glad you've gotten better, and glad I discovered your music. I'm not religious, and I'm quite the skeptic when it comes to the occult, but your story really makes me believe anything is possible. Thank you again for sharing 💛

[@aimee_susan]

I feel like I should have words, but I don't. Just a profound gratitude and genuine awe at your vulnerability and strength. You're helping millions. Big, big love. 💜

[@simonwood1844]

There is no way I could ever know how you were truly feeling at that time Ren. I can only say I am so glad you got yourself through the hell to be able to give us all an audible triage of your life.

[@Mommajarritos]

As a mom, I can’t imagine the pain in your momma’s heart. 💔🙏🏼

[@timishere1925]

Holy shit, I can't wait to hear about the doctor whom finally gave you the proper diagnosis. Unbelievable, Ren. Bless ya brother.

[@adayinthelifeofmypets3897]

Ren you are an incredible writer. I have had illness for 30 years now and I would not have a clue where to start or how to vocalise it. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Love you xxx

[@is-ness]

❤️

[@deborahakey9308]

I KNOW cause your telling my story I HAVE LYME 3 blood transfusions & near death spiritual awakening & been on antibiotics for 2 years WE KNOW HELL & I’M TRUSTING JESUS ✝️🙏☮️❤️

[@kshanegrant]

How was it diagnosed for you?

[@Musiklife.9049]

Oh boy, when I first listened to those two young street buskers a few years ago and was blown away by it and had to play it to my son (a little older than you REN). I wondered why they weren’t famous. Then reconnecting when watching Justin Hawkins interview with same young lad! I was stoked! Now, proudly following your journey, laughing, crying, singing, dancing. You young man are special, thank you for sharing your unbelievable journey, much love to your Mum and partner. I so look forward to your new music endeavors and hope your health keeps improving. Proud to be a Renegade. ❤

[@Jinxy44]

Yep. “Laughing, crying, singing and dancing” as well. ❤

[@anonymouse0221]

The homeless guy who said, "Everything will be alright." Was your angel. I heard those exact same words come from the back of my car while I was driving home alone. It never happened before and hasn't happened since. Also, when I was alone, I felt a kiss on my cheek and once saw a vision of an angel standing beside my bed. But the words still ring in my ears whenever I feel down. And everything has been alright.

[@alexiaspaedt-mcintosh5311]

This was a tough one... the hardest so far. I am so glad you had your mom. You are so strong Ren.

[@a.shaeoconnell798]

like others have said, i'm so glad your mom was there. i was tearing up whenever you spoke about her. having someone like your mom is so important when you're sick. imo, she's an angel like the others. also, i'm so glad you got your laptop back that day. it would have been too awful for you to lose it in that moment.

[@RenMakesMusic]

She definitely is an angel

[@a.shaeoconnell798]

@@RenMakesMusic ❤❤❤ to your mom

[@kellyt5341]

Beautiful, Ren responded. 🤗

[@mullenb1970]

You have been to the depths of hell and back, I am so glad you found a path back to life. You are now so many people's unexpected angel leading them back to life.

[@Kaylene_turner]

I want to send a little love to Ren's mom. As a mother myself, I can't imagine watching one of my children going through this pain and anguish with no way to help them. I feel for Ren so much, but I feel for his mother too.

[@GarnetJ]

I believe in angels and I’m glad you received a message that gave you peace and a renewed sense of hope just when you needed it most. I also believe that Joe has been with you. The Freckled Angels album will always be special. I can just picture Joe singing along to each song at the top of his lungs! You are an inspiration in SO many ways!! Thank you for sharing your story 🫂 I’m so glad you didn’t give up and continued to try to find a way out. I remember watching your old vlogs and even in the midst of the horrors you were experiencing, you were a ray of light to others and a powerful advocate for much needed change. You indeed have a divine purpose and you are already a catalyst for change. The RENeffect is real 💕

[@rowanelessar5892]

I've been crying a lot during these videos. For what you've been through. Also for the triggers they've been inevitably setting off for my own pain and darkness. As far as I've come over the years, there are still so many wounds that were barely patched up and left to fester. Your music and these videos have cut open the sutures and begun scraping out the poison and pus and rot - forcing deeper examination (and self-forgiveness) than I've yet undergone.... It's heavy and brutal, but I am grateful. It's vital. Shoutout to all the parents, specifically the mothers, who stand by their children as they navigate the Dark. I know I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for my own. 🙏🏻

[@is-ness]

❤

[@johnwhite7885]

Dear KZbinrs, use this as your example. No um, er long drawn-out sentences in his presentation. No padding delays, no begging to stay to the end of the video, no begging to subscribe. Succinct, captivating, high quality content. That's what you need.

[@Sjudit84]

Noone should hurt like this... 😢

[@rowanelessar5892]

💯

[@Jonhamer76]

HEY!! Well done for getting it out. I kept the lid on for 35 years, then it sort of fell off. Keep being you, do what you need to do to get yourself through everything. You have a million Renegades right behind you, supporting you all the way. Take care xx

[@anegativeatheist-9327]

“It’s by no means a work of art.” What are you on about man? Stay humble and all, but that is even literally incorrect. Much love! Pocket Full of Pain is my favorite on that record.

[@kellyt5341]

...💯

[@Shiroar]

This was the toughest chapter yet 😢 Thank you for sharing and still being here ❤

[@alyralla8548]

I'm not crying, I'm just car washing my eyeballs

[@kellyt5341]

😂..... 😭

[@SofM8920]

can i js quickly second that - i came to the 'deep clean' wash

[@honeybane]

Hello, Breakspear for Shakespeare! Seriously though Ren. From one human being to another, I am so proud of you, and although saying this doesn’t mean anything to you (because only those who you know irl are the people with whom you want to have be proud of you, count) and I have heard you say on many occasions that you don’t really like it when people compliment you, for the same reason, and because you struggle with that kind of attention. I as a human being, I am trying to respect your personal boundaries but I am also compelled to share that I feel that pride for you, as do all of those who follow you, I’m sure. I’m proud and I’m grateful for your resilience. You are NOT a victim Ren, you are a survivor, and you are able to reach the masses with your music and lyricism, yet you find yourself compelled to go the extra mile for your audience and that is mostly unheard of in our professions. That feeling of compulsion for your fans is no different to my compulsion to say "Ren, I am proud of you, and we cannot possibly know whether you are the disguised messiah that walks among us, and who has found the best possible medium that allows you to reach the most people. And Ren, this could be true, and it could also be true that you are very blissfully unaware of this yourself atm." I had to share my thoughts with you man, much love and respect always 🙏🏼🤍🪽🦋💫🕊️🐝

[@DebapriyaMaitra]

This was the section I was dreading. I somehow held it together during the previous chapters, but lost it this time. No one should have to feel that kind of pain. But I can't wait to hear more about the turning point, things are finally about to get better! ❤❤

[@Markerman_642]

I cannot imagine what you have been through. Your story is blowing my mind. But what I can say is you have my support as a fan and the dollar in my hand as you pass on your amazing Talent to myself and the world. I’m so glad you’re on the mend now. And I’m ready for the Future of REN. May God Bless you and may your Talent shine to the world for as long as this crazy rock decides to SPIN! Love ya REN

[@sylv772]

Dear Ren, I have just read some of the other comments and they have said everything I want to say about you, your mother, the homeless black man, and the painfulness of recounting your experience during that year. In your comment, you express the hope of generating awareness and support for people who are struggling. You have just given such a clear account of what it is like to be in a psychotic state that I cannot imagine that those who listen to it won't feel empathy not only for you but also for others in a similar situation. Not only that, but you also give meaning to what might otherwise seem like random acts of madness. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for that. The majority of us who listen to your story do not personally know you. But what I, and I think many others, see is your intelligence, courage, fortitude, tenacity, generosity, empathy, your special relationship with music and your capacity to communicate at a deep level through music. I hope that piecing together and telling your story, as painful as it is, helps you as much as it does others. I wish you an abundance of good things in the rest of your life as it unfolds.

[@waynebateman9440]

We are so glad you survived this illness, or we wouldn't have the pleasure of listening to your music Ren. ❤

[@Lynxeye-Youtube]

The simple fact that your work gives me so much pleasure, so much reflection, calm, questions and moments of introspection, forces me to (at the very least) have to tell you this: - Admiration (I already had it since I discovered your work). - Respect (even greater after today) - Empathy (if you need a sincere hug, without unnecessary words or subsequent conversation, count on me). Thank you Ren.

[@iamlpinthe312]

Thousands of arms are wrapped around you. Well that sounds horrible 😂. We love you

[@kellyt5341]

No it doesn't... that sounds beautiful because we are all in the same mindset right now. 🤗

[@iamlpinthe312]

@@kellyt5341 I just want to create a force field around him. Each chapter breaks my heart in new ways. I hesitate to tell how many ways that I relate to everything he writes because I know that he’s highly empathetic. But the bottom line is that he has made so so many of us feel seen, heard and UNDERSTOOD- more than those closest to us who literally see us struggling and hear how much pain we’re in and how hopeless it all feels. I adore Ren.

[@megm38]

Okay, this one killed me! I didn't just have tears falling on my cheeks, I was full-fledged sobbing. Crutch is one of my favorite songs in the Ren catalog. It touches me in all ways.

[@SandraP3796]

I sobbed watching this Chapter. I've just had knee surgery this morning and I don't feel well and hearing Ren very emotionally talking really hit me hard. I really thank The Lord above for keeping you here for us @Renmakes music, You are so loved. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful Mum.

[@is-ness]

Best wishes on your recovery.

[@Rushyyz3]

All you need is a good set of headphones and Ren will help you in your recovery! Best wishes to you!

[@Parula06]

Before I knew the mindblowing details of the horrors you went through, I've thought about the absolute nightmare helplessly seeing you suffer must have been for your Mum. I'm the mother of sons myself (and old enough to be your mum) and I can barely wrap my head around it. You come from strong-hearted people, Ren. Massive love to both you and your absolute rock of a mother.

[@supertuscans9512]

I garnered two things from this: I had no idea you were 6’1”, and secondly you have cognisant thought process I can only envy.

[@supertuscans9512]

Oh one final thing I’d never listened to this track because for some irrational reason I’d decided it wouldn’t be very good. I should have known better.

[@darthmelsie]

Jesus christ this chapter really drives home the opening verse to Seven Sins. I just wanna give this dude a hug and an allergy-safe cookie.

[@EmmaBaker-ty2bj]

That was the hardest chapter to watch yet 😢 thanks Ren…we all love you so much ❤

[@kreativundhappy]

It was hard to listen to you and this part of your story. I felt your pain. How hard it must have been to write all these chapters... to summarize... to delve into the darkest depths again. But my gut feeling also tells me that this is a big piece of therapy for you, which is hard and exhausting, but so incredibly important to integrate everything you had to go through. From the bottom of my heart I hope that it gets easier and easier for you and that your physical and emotional pain subsides more and more. Thank you for everything you do for this world. Thanks for being you, Ren ❤

[@harrymonk161]

mate feel my arms around you im an old guy 62 lost my wife who i knew for 50 years we met at shcool 14 months ago my son is profoundly disabled blind wheel chair bound 29 years old now i look after him on my own now dig deep you will find a way forward old fashioned words like loyalty duty and love love ya music you have such a talent never never never give up

[@suzanahas4740]

Thank you, mom, for bringing him to this world, and for being on his side, while going through that hell.

[@karencalder8540]

I get the pain and tingling in my feet and numbness in my legs. The feet is a result of medication side effect and the legs is from a lumbar puncture gone wrong. For all of my illnesses, I'd live them a thousand times if I could take Tourette’s and autism away from my nephew. The tics hurt him. I want a hole to devour me but I'd live a thousand lives like this if it meant my nephew was okay. I'm glad you're still here Ren.

[@sharoncarlisle9453]

That was a hard one to watch. You have incredible strength and persistence, which allowed you to survive what I'm sure many would/have not. And not just survived, but you came though it with so much empathy and compassion and desire to help others. I hope you know how much you have already done that, and I hope you feel how much we all love you.

[@architects-of-eden7]

We just wanted to thank you for putting so much light and love into the world at a time when it is so hard to find any at all. Your words and awe inspiring story have brought new life and hope for so many people and if there is a single artist alive that has the power to utterly transform the musical world, then it’s you! Words literally cannot express what your light and gift have meant to the world or us. Would be grateful to help you out in anyway that we can, just keep being a force of light and transformation By the way, Money Game is one of the most brilliantly inspired pieces of art that I have seen in my lifetime.

[@carlbernard7615]

Can 100% guarantee these videos will save countless lives. Also, Ren should release all of this as an autobiography when he's done.

[@owrilm]

Freckled Angels the song means a huge amount to me. It says ever single word i needed to express my pain for the sudden death of my partner. I have sung that song out loud on repeat with tears streaming down my face. Thank you ❤

[@KarenBowyer-h7h]

I cried and cried and prayed. Ren please write a book..this is awesome and could probably help someone..You know you got better after you talked to the angel right..Love You so much you are the greatest and most talented person in the world..payed your dues before your fame

[@wendysunanmills7102]

Just listened to the song at the end, this is one of the things that made me really start to look into you, your revolution ideas and unity. As a very old member of a certain online group over the 2010's especially, that's what we were trying to achieve. 'Peaceful' revolution and Mass Civil Non-Violent Disobedience. Love your music and how open you are, makes you probably the most important artist for an extremely long time, and I'm in my early 50's! ;-)

[@Delasoul-nc6uk]

Oh Ren, what an unbelievable and heartbreaking journey. And still, there is love everywhere, within you and around you. You are shining very bright and you and your music is giving hope and comfort to so many, including me. So yes, it helps. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the whole world. I sincerely hope that it will be loud enough to break down necessary walls and that you will find peace and happiness. Much love.

[@katinka4288]

This is so horrifying. Always if you think it cant be worse... 😭 Fingers crossed that troubles kick the radio charts in their ass. Ps. Youre Mum is a great Person ❤ no wonder that she got such a great son 😅

[@katrinawalker7352]

My love goes out to your mum and the homeless man real or not . They helped to save a geniuses mind. ❤❤❤

[@williamkeith8740]

Nothing scarier than hallucinations that seem so real while you're sitting on the side watching yourself watching the scenario unfold - thank you for sharing as I have never met anyone else who knows what it's like.

[@leejones1319]

Cannot even comprehend this journey. Wow, what a journey and thank you for sharing Ren.

[@deanambrose9475]

Sometimes the light seems so far away, keep on keeping on my friend. Love the music.❤

[@Jennozen1]

It's so crazy...I'm hearing Rens voice but it's coming out of this sweet little kid. Nuts!

[@mrsdiana324]

Just want to hug you and your mum as a mum who has lived with and loved a child suffering with psychosis this is heartbreaking

[@is-ness]

14:20 holy shit. In 2008, The same thing happened to me after a major surgery I flew across the world to San Francisco. I was trying not to feel sorry for myself hobbling in crutches in a lot of pain along a park path and a physically twisted and hobbling homeless guy came from nowhere alongside me , looked up with his dirty and twisted face and said “ everything’s going to be alright” and walked off. It was different. It shook me in all the right ways. I can’t explain it but I never forgot that moment. I never heard anyone else discuss this type of event. Man, he was right. I had no idea it could have dreamed how alright I was going to be at that time!

[@ezrasace]

Ren, you are courageous and generous. Your Mom is amazing and so strong. Big up to your Mom.

[@StellaAdler_]

This chapter tore my heart out. Not to say the previous did not, but this one feels like a gut punch. I was bitten by a black widow spider in 2013, suffice to say the dozens of doctors, the symposiums, the elation when a new one would tell me “YES! I can get rid of ur hellish chronic pain” which feels like someone from since the sec. i wake up, until I fall asleep, is holding my right leg in a fire, and not moving it have all disappeared over the years. Even fentanyl in hospital takes the pain away for only 10 minutes and I’d stay for 5-10 days to manage the pain. When u’re looking at the clock in hospital screaming in pain for the laat 7 hrs and ur exhausted, u go silent, looking at the clock so u know the time u died, u see ur parents there, exhausted and scared ( i mustered up the power to sing to them so they’d laugh - song from a comedy) My father just said “I don’t know how u do it” it is a crushing, traumatic feeling. The spider bit my thigh and my leg was from my knee to my foot was thinner than my fore arm… I could go on, but let’s not take away about what Ren is speaking about.

[@NinaGray-eq9on]

Thank you Ren for these profoundly important chapters, as with your music these are very important in terms of what you share in your raw honesty. You continue to be profoundly humble in what you are prepared to share. My admiration towards continues to grow.

[@lizl2432]

That song is amazing, only this amount of talent can come from some sort of adversity. Like a how a diamond is formed.

[@Dontforgethis1]

You can feel what you have been thru listening to you speak followed by the song you wrote at the time !! Ren your truly amazing I feel a connection to you thru your words a free soul I feel the energy your giving off !!!!! ❤

[@janeykidd72]

My boy had a few similarities when he was much younger. He's autistic and would stim a lot (hand flapping) but developed a vocal tic that began to upset him as it was starting to irritate his throat. Top tip: Don't set up hand painting in your kitchen if your kid flaps his hands. Of course I didn't do that. *stares at everyone* He grew out of it but I remember the stress of it all and he wasn't even ill or in pain so I can't imagine what you and your mum and loved ones have been through. So glad you're still here and finally getting to do what you love.

[@emmamarriott]

I can't imagine having to watch my child suffer and not be able to do anything to help💔 😢 as a mum this was tough to watch. You are unbelievably strong to go through all that and never give up hope of things getting better ❤

[@TheRealTrueCrimeAnalyst]

What an incredible story about trial and error, and finding the resilience to withstand more trials after hitting error after error after error. The fact that you alone, without help from doctors, discovered the impact of antibiotics on your condition is nothing short of brilliant. I look forward to the next chapter.

[@lieberammeer]

This one was hard to watch. Thanks for sharing your story. ❤

[@MissMeKate]

I wish you hadn't had to know the darkness so intimately, and that it didn't steal so many years from you. But I am eternally grateful at the light you shine on those of us yet to find out way out of it. #millionsmissing

[@aubreyhallock955]

I wish I could just hug you. I've experienced psychosis and it's so hard to even explain how scary and wrong it feels. How much it takes out of you. I'm so sorry for everything you've had to deal with.

[@scott-15-au]

Ren, your first album Freckled Angels is most certainly a work of art. Produced independently whilst in the midst of illness. Your second album Sick Bio just shows how far you've come. I bought both of them on vinyl. I don't listen to them just for the noise, I listen to them to feel the creative expression of the artist that is you. Everything you've created is a work of art. It's in the eye of the beholder to admire such talent and raw emotion through music.

[@CleoHarperReturns]

Every time I hear you speak, I feel so much less alone in the world. I hope we do the same for you. This world is full of love for you.💜

[@gwynethzen77]

I’ve never come close to your level of hell, and it gives me a new appreciation on how life really could be so much worse. Thanking you every day for these.❤

[@jessicarowley9631]

This is, without doubt, the most deeply moving part of your autobiography of illness and music so far. I had to keep stopping this to pull myself together enough to finish this chapter. I recognised the despair and the health gaslighting you can be subject to when you are desperate enough.

[@igormudryk2683]

We love you Ren. You are saving lives now, man

[@Dragonfly0314]

Thank you for choosing Life Ren. ❤️

[@joaniesmith8533]

I haven’t been able to read for a couple years now and have issues watching shows with my husband. It’s why I’m so thankful for music and my new found love of audible. The amount of supplements on my counter is ridiculous and medications in my bag. My current diagnoses are being managed but I’m still not right. There’s still something else we are trying to figure out. The time I took all my benzos and when I left the ER I made my husband pull off the interstate, bailed out the car, and even crawled under a fence to evade him I knew how freaking insane I looked but couldn’t stop acting that way. I’ve cried outside of grocery stores knowing I have to go inside and get food for my kids but I can’t do it. I’m crying I can’t I can’t I can’t. I know that place it’s horrible and I’m so sorry you spent time there. I practice avoidance and get delivery when I can afford it and do things like where noise canceling headphones and listen to music or books or talk to my best friend while I shop now. I’ve tinted my car windows as dark as I legally can so that I can manage driving. The world is so bright and so loud. I’m better than I was with all the accommodations I’ve made, all the specialists I see, all the meds I take, and avoidance. I’ve made my home my sanctuary full of my pets and my comforting items. I’m on disability now. I still have hope things will get even better when we find more answers. This is probably the most I’ve ever written about my story. It’s certainly the first time I’ve ever publicaly mentioned the benzos, the evading my husband, police and EMTs, and the subsequent 72hr psych hold where they tried to say I had Munchausens when I told them all of my diagnoses (I call them Legion for they are many) I was told no one could possible have that many things wrong with them. I now know to point them to Pentad Super Syndrome and say BET! Happy EDS Awareness to the Zebras in here. So Ren to you I say THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul THANK YOU! Thank you for being you, thank you for your perseverance, thank you for you music, thank you for your bravery, thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for being proof that I’m not alone. I’m not the only one going through this even if I’m the only one I actually know. Your music pours the pain, the sadness, and the hope of my tribulations into songs that express exactly what I’m feeling. You and your music are a light in a dark place for those of us unfortunate enough to have been the ones chosen to endure these things. We were chosen because we are strong enough to persist and I will spend every day of my life giving back to this world as best I can. Like you I will be a voice for awareness and change. I will shout into that void that love and kindness will prevail. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[@joaniesmith8533]

And lastly Diazepam is my favorite but I sing it Alprazolam. I love how you start the song like the pills are wonderful and end it on how awful they can be. ❤

[@Tinkerbell9332]

Ren this has been the hardest one yet🫂thank you for having the courage to be the voice of so many and giving the gift of your music! You are an incredible person the way you approach life and I will always admire you❤

[@Hailstarr86]

🌺🫂❤️‍🩹🎶🧚‍♀️

[@agnespaterson6901]

I cant stop watching this video. It made me smile after listening this chapter. Im so glad you had your mum to turn to. I love Troubles. Its superb. Big hugs x

[@tracycrook2574]

Thank you for sharing the stories of your life with us. I'm so glad you had your mum beside you to help you through this ❤

[@rickysflower09]

Again, an awesome little song at the end. 🥰 I'm a mum of two and Grandma to two beautiful children (my grandson is autistic and my granddaughter has quite severe ADHD). I applaud your mum for being strong for you and giving you the love and support you needed and deserved. Your story about the black man you met; whether it really happened or you imagined it, I believe it was meant to reassure you and I believe you have more than a few angels looking after you. I for one am so glad you're still here. Shout out to Sam Tompkins too; I found you both thanks to your Brighton busking videos and thank you both for your talent and super voices. 🤗💖

[@dianesnowflake]

So glad you decided to go with hope, life and kept that focus. I appreciate your open heart. Very difficult to hear and see your pain as brutal as it was to watch you Ren I truly believe you are making a huge difference to the people who fall through the cracks. I'm proud of you. Daft to say as I don't know you. Yet, I am.

[@rowanelessar5892]

🫶🏻

[@yinunit]

After watching, reading everything to date you have put out, this Chapter 6 had me gob-smacked. I knew of course that you had had lots of painful times but this step by step account has made me really realise the level of torture you were in for a long time. Thank you so much for doing this. It is a true education for people like me who thought they understood the pain one human being with chronic illness can go through and I am sure other sufferers of chronic pain and guinea-pigs of the system will be so thankful that someone exists who can accurately communicate the extreme levels of suffering many people go through. This is the most important piece of real talk I have ever heard and I've herd a fair amount. You are a real legend with a heart of gold and the heart of a Lion

[@mikep83]

Ren…..you’re so inspiring. To go through all that you have and fight through with sheer perseverance and a desire to do good even when you’re struggling more than most is the full purpose of humanity and equality. I. Wish we as humans could be more on your path as a mindset. It’s so hard. Finding purpose is a gift, one I don’t understand for myself yet but have to keep trying. Thank you for sharing so much. I can barely talk about the loss of my dad without crumbling so I don’t know how you’re doing this. I’m sure it will help many people in the dark.

[@fabianarroyo631]

You are my Hero Ren. I am so glad I came across your Hi Ren on youtube. It had changed my views in life and made me see how You and The Renegades on line are the beginning of people wanting change in life, music etc. Your music is a big inspiration to my life and testimony and I am Sharing your journey to the world and to show them that they are not alone. We are not alone...and it's all because of you!!!!! Thank you Ren and Joe R.I.P.

[@jesspegler3689]

You sir, are going to change the world! This was absolutely heart breaking this chapter. Keep up the amazing work. ❤❤

[@tracydrury1766]

Oh Ren, I hurt for your younger self so much! I see how emotional the retelling of it is for you. I feel the heaviness. Thank you for accepting the emotions in order to be a voice for the suffering masses. I can totally relate to you....not the sickness but the physical pain that seemingly has no explanation. I have been treated or tested for Fibromialgia, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Guillain-Barre syndrome, blood vessel disease, vascular malformations, autoimmune conditions...so many things that I can't remember them all. And I have been this way for as long as I can remember. I have permanent nerve damage in my neck, lower back and legs. No one has an answer as to why. I have my own theories on the matter but hardly anyone wants to hear it or take it seriously...so I carry on. I am so glad that I found you. I love you young man, and I thank you for all that you do to uplift us all. Love and hugs.

[@SuperJuxtaposition]

Your mother sounds amazingly supportive. I don’t think she’d want you to feel guilty

[@shawnriley7719]

Ren, om not sure you'll read this but as I watch all these chapters I feel as though I can better understand your music. I wanted you to know I love your songs and enjoy you for your message.

[@andrewwest8334]

Jeez Ren, speechless watching these. Just when you think you have an appreciation for all that you've been through, the detail brings it home and demonstrates the true phenomenon of your grit, determination, resolve, whatever you want to call it. Unreal mate. And your Mum deserves huge credit for looking after her boy as well as she did. Nice to see a couple of pics from Ogmore-by-Sea and the stepping stones too! 😜

[@amydiamond5542]

Ren, You are beautiful, loveable, talented, well spoken, intelligent, articulate, humble, sensitive, loving and too cute for your own good! I could go on and on as to how you present to the world... you are definitely not crazy as you know your body better than anyone and I'm so glad that you were your biggest health advocate. You wouldn't have come as far as you have without that self determination. I'm sure everyone would agree with me that we are sooo glad you never gave up. What a dark world it would be without having our Ren in it. Your right that homeless gentlemen was an angel sent from heaven above to help walk you through that horrible day. It wasn't a coincidence that he knew your name was Ren. I am so glad that you share your life experiences with us and as long as you have something to say we will all listen. We couldn't take your pain away from you in 2015 and we definitely would have if we could have. Please just know that you are not alone and we are here to walk with you now... Biggest Hug & Much ❤❤❤

[@K..A..S]

Beautiful sentiments…totally agree…Ren is a shining light in this world

[@xeniavader]

this series is amazing. I feel I'm watching something profound.

[@xeniavader]

Ren, the fact you've documented your life so well makes this profound. What amazing lyrics at such a young age.