Retroactive Jealousy OCD: Four Steps to Freedom with "Brain Lock" | RetroactiveJealousy.com

Dealing with obsessive thoughts isn't easy.
Dealing with obsessive thoughts especially isn't easy when the obsessive thoughts are associated with our partner's past relationships and/or sexual history.
Retroactive jealousy OCD is one of the most frustrating and debilitating mental disorders. Quality information to help you overcome it is rare.
Thankfully, however, as I noted in a previous video, we can look to the literature on OCD for some guidance and suggestions.
Referred to by some as the "OCD bible," Jeffrey Schwartz's book Brain Lock might be the most popular and effective book for helping to manage the symptoms associated with OCD.
I didn't read Brain Lock back when I was dealing with obsessive thoughts associated with my partner's past.
That might have been a mistake.
There's a lot of quality information in the book, most notably, the "Four Step Program."
Today's video will explain the 4 step program for dealing with obsessive thoughts to you in-depth, while offering other useful tools and practices for overcoming retroactive jealousy OCD.
This is a bonus lecture on dealing with obsessive thoughts from my video course on overcoming retroactive jealousy, "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast."
If you're dealing with obsessive thoughts, feeling "stuck," and looking for a solution, this might be the most important video lecture you ever watch.
Hundreds of thousands of OCD sufferers have found relief through Dr. Schwartz's methods, and while overcoming retroactive jealousy OCD requires a holistic approach, this is a great place to get started.
Read the blog post: www.retroactivejealousy.com/d...
Read/listen/watch dozens of retroactive jealousy success stories, and learn more about my online course/private community at www.retroactivejealousy.com/c...
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Check out my #retroactivejealousy blog: www.retroactivejealousy.com
Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy guidebook: www.retroactivejealousy.com/o...
The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook: www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07...
"Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" online course + private community: www.retroactivejealousy.com/c...
"The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint" online course + bonuses: www.jealousycourse.com
"Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" w/ One-on-One Coaching with Zachary Stockill: jealousy.samcart.com/products...
One-on-One Coaching with Zachary Stockill: www.retroactivejealousy.com/r...
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Humans in Love ft. Zachary Stockill: A Podcast for Curious People: www.humansinlove.com
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Personal website: www.zfstockill.com

[@ZacharyStockill]

Click this link to see dozens of testimonials, and discover my flagship online course "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast"---> www.retroactivejealousy.com/course-open/

[@davidkerr5624]

One of my main issues is that before I commit to the relationship I don't really care, if at all about their past. Then as my feelings grow and I become more infatuated, my RJ just escalates, it appears to correlate with how much I love them and things I had no issues with at the beginning of the relationship can bring me to; tears, heavy irrationality or suicidal thoughts once I'm half a year or so in to a relationship, which appears to scale with the extent of their sexual past. Even worse is I can be completely sure of their love and loyalty and not actually feel insecure about them cheating, but regardless it makes me feel worthless, replaceable and most of all, pathetic.

[@jayzayas1]

I feel your pain. It's not about you or them. It's about your brain. With work a patience you eventually get to a better place. The book referenced is good. Hang in there.

[@neni185]

This is literally my case

[@christianedwards3565]

You're not alone Dave. O don't care at 1st either but as love progresses I become obssessed. Keep putting in the work to overcome it and remember you're not alone.

[@owlexS]

+1

[@linelykkealler96]

david kerr same!

[@avaheart7162]

I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m so done.

[@stonemartinez8664]

Ava Heart you’ll get through it!! Don’t put yourself down!

[@pattishen7386]

It’s not you! it’s you brain.Just repeat that a lot and distance yourself from that thought.I was there and I tell you it works.Stay strong

[@granda23]

Its really hard more when you are married I think so😞

[@jenniferwilks4759]

i feel you so hardcore 😭😭

[@miliaurora1038]

This is normal....you can't imagine the person you love so much being so intimate with someone else.....The pain is directly proportional to how much you love them..... don't listen to those people who say it's nothing...Their feelings for their partner is not deep enough.

[@jaycee1110]

I've spent most of my life thinking I was probably the only person that had these destructive thoughts. It's destroying my marriage.

[@katla3393]

To think that my relationship almost ended because of something so stupid is quite funny in hindsight, but when I was going through this it was hell. Thank you so so much for this.

[@ShivamSharma-5622]

How did you fix it?

[@jadensnow23]

the worst feeling is the fact that i don’t even have a sexual past. on the other hand, he has done so much compared to me, and it’s so hard to cope with that.

[@rahim7108]

that is so true. if u wanna message me my discord is lucifer#1792 i want a friend to talk with ab this

[@lisa5821]

I'm in the same boat

[@janbeltre1244]

i think this is called fear of missing out

[@jadensnow23]

Chester Ignacio what does gender have to do with anything?

[@14chstr]

@@jadensnow23 nothing. I am just saying

[@KilledByAdmin]

I strongly believe that this is a very good first step into overcoming this, I feel like I can do this, and i already feel better knowing that. I'm really grateful for this content you're putting out, really, thank you.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Really glad you're finding it useful, KilledByAdmin.

[@jadestrofaci1536]

Agreed! I always thought there was something wring with me and that I was the only one that dealt with this. I'm so glad I did the research and found these videos and can now work on getting past this

[@epicphail2926]

How are you doing?

[@paddle_smith]

my only small issue with this is other intentions can be unfairly lumped into retroactive jealousy. 1. determining what the partner's values are by assessing their previous actions with others (especially recent ones), 2. determining how the partner would react to similar situation with you by asking about specific topics which can only be assessed through discussions of the past

[@gonzacollao]

This right here is a lifesaver. You're always told you need to get better, but, hell, nobody ever showed me how. Now I know, RJ is a real thing, I'm not alone on this one but it can be worked upon and it's a challenge I am (for the first time in a while) very eager to take on. I am so done feeling like shit over something so petty and dumb, I am going to save my relationship, but most importantly, myself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@exposez]

I just wanna say thank you very much for sharing your good presentation on the topic 😊🙏

[@tanvianand1422]

Thank you so much. I feel so much better after watching this video :)

[@thrillophilist]

Thank you so much sir. I didnt even know I have such a thing. I was frustrated and was damn clueless but now I am feeling so good. You are great🙏🏻

[@2grand]

So happy I found this!! My OCD has become really bad after my TBI. Thank you and God bless 🙏🏼👍🏼

[@joekingman4654]

This video is extremely helpful. Thank you! 💓

[@alros1212]

Watching this for my 3rd of 4th time. Been watching it once a month for a bit, really helpful

[@sapphivvs4197]

you don’t know how relieving it is to look at these comments to see so many people in the same position 😌. i found this information incredibly helpful, i haven’t tried it yet as i only just found it but it’s helpful in a way that it’s the most sense i’ve been able to make of it at all. just spent the last hour and a bit making brief pretty notes onto a paper so i can have it as a poster on m bedroom wall. therefore it’s quick and easy for me to find... i often feel when i do get intrusive thoughts i forget about how to act rationally, i forget about advice. so having something physically there knowing when i get these thoughts (as i often crawl into my bed & cry as a result - from guilt or my actions etc.) it’s right in my eye line😌

[@NaveenHenakankanamage]

Firstly thank you so much for sharing all these ideas and it kind of made me realize what exactly is running in my mind. I have or will never ever love anything or anyone unconditionally as I love my partner and she is the only thing I look forward to in my life. Loving her was my dream come true. The reason I am even living a mundane life is because of her. A strong holistic approach in my philosophy (Buddhism) was what I intended if we did not fall in love. I never knew what love was nor was I completely myself until she came into my life. It took 21 years and we were best friends for 6 years before falling in love. However, with all that love and affection, sudden fixating sexual movies get built up in my mind about her. I used to cry day and night for this and procrastinated from all my work and felt like even hurting myself. She and I have had both close girl and guy friends and I never wanted to agree on the fact that she was open physically, emotionally and sexually to any girl or guy other than me. It is more like I wanted her to be a virgin princess and everything to be only about me. I am afraid whether she has had passionate emotional and sexual times with anyone other than me. Even when I see any of her past guy friends, a movie is made up in my mind and I get jealous that they got to see her beforehand. I do not want anybody in the world to see her entirely other than her parents and myself. Sometimes I have even wished to meet with some sort of accident so then I would forget everything in mine and her past but it would have certainly been so stupid of me and selfish. With all said, none of this has ever changed my unconditional love for her and it never will. I always see her has my baby daughter. It is just that I am hurting inside very bad sometimes. I even decided that, if this is how I am going to feel every single day it is fine cause I love my partner and this is the life I choose to live. Nothing matters to me other than her. I am willing to embrace all that pain and love her unconditionally until the day I die despite of RJ if it persists. I decided that I cannot let this strange mind chemistry take away my soulmate. Also, I always wish that we were together right from the beginning cause then I would not have to wait for 21 years to find myself but still I know that it all happened for good and it led us to each other. Besides, now I know that it is my brain chemistry messing me up too. We are doing long-distance these days due to COVID-19 and that can be a contributing factor as well cause in the beginning I did not have any RJ. After all, what I want to know is what would have caused me to be like this? Is it because of my friends, what I have seen in the past, backgrounds or is it just a random occurrence? Looking forward to a kind response. Sincerely, Naveen

[@njflower4249]

Very helpful Thankyou. I grew up in the 90's too. I like listening to music from the 90's. I need to do that more often to help me.

[@Smarvinmartin]

I’ve only just come across this but it’s exactly what I’ve needed. Being out of a relationship for 3+ years now because I have been terrified of this problem coming back as it was so bad before but that just isn’t sustainable. I know that I am accustomed to OCD thoughts and patterns as I can remember even as a child having a distinct fear of death and life after death and the same patterns that occur in RJ OCD occurred then. Now I don’t even entertain those thoughts because in the end it just became so pointless to entertain them and I got nowhere. Thanks to this lecture I’m going to use these steps and retrain my brain in the same way to cope with RJ in the same way

[@mikasaackerman8232]

I can’t wait to get Zachary’s book on retroactive jealousy and possibly this one too. Just have to wait until I have the funds left over lol. Still, I’m feeling very inspired and hopeful because I know he overcame this. I know I can too.

[@linelykkealler96]

Thank you for this!

[@gaganaprakashofficial8566]

Much love to you ❤️

[@leejones4727]

This video is really good. My one stumbling block seems to be the refocus part because I work alone painting and decorating and I get these thoughts when I'm working. It's impossible for me to refocus onto doing another task as I have to work. Infact most of my troubles happen when I'm at work.

[@Straingelove]

It really isn’t just one more. That hit me hard. It’s soooo true. I was thinking exactly that if I get those answers I’ll calm down. Just like an addict after their next fix, we’re all just trying to escape those negative emotions in anyway we can. Our broken brains just rationalize it in a way that if we get the answers we seek, it will be the cure, it’s not. This helps a lot. I don’t mind their past. I just question everything they do, when their behaviour changes or when I don’t feel reassured constantly. I reanalyze our conversations and actions all the time. I don’t react but it gives me anxiety mentally and physically and it’s debilitating. Thank you for sharing this, I’m going to watch this video on a reg. I did not know this was an actual disability. #INFJ

[@Straingelove]

Turns out I was dealing with a narc so that gut feeling I couldn’t shake was my Intuition telling me this. Oh and he was definitely cheating. Listen to your gut!

[@thejmd3267]

@Straingelove I know this is kind of late, but I am an INFJ as well and suffer from this exact problem. I was wondering if you have found any solutions or help. It’s really getting tough on me. Thank you

[@Straingelove]

@@thejmd3267 I’m sorry I never got this notification just the one after yours right now. I know this is really late but yes. Solution, work on yourself, build boundaries. You can’t trust ppl won’t betray you, you can only trust that you’ll know what to do if they do, to walk away. Heal your traumas and insecurities, you can’t change ppl or prevent them from hurting you, you can just change yourself. Either way it’ll be ok.

[@Straingelove]

@Jefparkn I left a comment for the JMD32. I think this is what I would reply to you too. If you trust yourself, your judgement your reactions to abuse or betrayal then it doesn’t matter if they hurt you, you’ll be confident enough to know what to do and walk away if you have to. Don’t live in fear or walking on eggshells. Take risks and if it doesn’t workout you’ll be ok and they were not meant for you ❤️

[@andraousjahshan5014]

I like it, an excellent research on this issue that bothered me for some time. If i may suggest something, this is a good way to help onself but in my opinion, it is very good also to know WHY it happened, and usually it is related to our childhood in a way or another.

[@christianedwards3565]

It definitely has a lot to do w/ our childhoods. My mom was super abusive to me. She beat me with an extension cord as a child. She would also punish me by making me stand in front of her completely naked while she verbally degraded me. This all happened around the age of 10. A a kid you don't know how to process that. You begin to think "maybe I'm so bad that I desrved to be abused?" The truth is that she was abusive. That her abuse toward me created a genuined judgemental attitude toward all women. I've opened up to my gf and told her this. I also started going back to NA meeting. On my next day off I'm going to go talk to some people about seeing a therapist and possibly getting on depression meds. If someone is reading this know that you're not alone. Those thoughts in your hear are the voices of insecurity, and they have nothing to do with the here and now. I'm working through this just like everybody else. I totally know it can be overcome. It must be recognized first as a mental health issue.

[@nicholassteytler2168]

Really beneficial. Been struggling for a long time but watching these and looking for such wisdom has helped me open my eyes a bit. Thank you 🙌🏼

[@sallyturner5617]

thank you Zachary so much for covering this book in a rj perspective...... I have read this book (suggested to me from the rj fb) and it did really help..... particularly knowing I have a brain disorder and I'm not going crazy. but..... I had to try and relate Dr schwartz's ocd examples to an rj ocd example..... listening to you translating this is perfect! so .. along with your course I believe this is great support material! great work and thank you again ... sally

[@ZacharyStockill]

You're quite welcome, Sally. Glad you've found this video, and my online course so valuable.

[@sapphivvs4197]

I came here because Alfie who was a guest on “Jaackmaates Happy Hour Podcast” described his story along with recommending researching Zack. Before I just thought i was being stupid or crazy, but seeing that video & knowing i relate to everything he said gave me relief knowing there’s a name for it, therefore there must be away around it.

[@iOnyxOnyx]

I seen that same video, i've been trying to rubberband on the wrist technique he talked about, it helps for a bit

[@breathe3146]

That very same video introduced me to RJ and Zachary’s work on it. I’m currently doing to course. So far so good, not done yet. May I ask how you are now after 2+ years since your comment?

[@TENGUartesmarciales]

Thank you so much for this

[@tibinthomas8121]

Thank you very much.😍

[@Flows1000]

Honestly, you're actually saving my life and I am very thankful for all you're doing with all these subjects

[@ZacharyStockill]

Glad to hear it, Divi.

[@eduardobraunerismalls8473]

I find odd that when i fell this jealousy my sexual desire grows as well , i think to reinforce my ownership over the person. Im trying to get to the bottom of it, i think there is a lot of bad concepts in my mind. I want to find the roots of it and understand it or even maybe change.

[@paddle_smith]

it's more common than you think

[@christianedwards3565]

I definitely struggle w/ retro active jealousy. I've always struggled with it in every relationship I've been in. I've lost good women due to this. My gf now has a past, not a bad past, but I past. As do I. I want to be over this. These thoughts must stop.

[@ronyforever]

I don't think it will going to end brother. .I am suffering from 13 years and still continuing

[@christianedwards3565]

@@ronyforever If will as your relationship grows. It doesn't even effect me anymore at all. Once you get past relationship hurdles and get past that 1 to 1.5 year mark w/ a woman it goes away. Trust me I'm 42. It goes away.

[@ronyforever]

@@christianedwards3565 May be. .I never had more than 7 months ! Even I am very possessive, But passing those time with this retroactive is very challenging

[@christianedwards3565]

@@ronyforever that's why you've never had more than 7 month's probably. Because of the retro active jealousy. I've been w/ my gf for almost 2 years now. And I did one thing I've never done in a relationship before. I told her about my retro active jealousy when it started to manifest itself in me. I was totally open w/ her about my insecurities & what I thought made me that way ( child abuse by my mother) My gf then opened up and told me that she used to be the same way in past relationships. She used to have retroactively jealousy. She told me about how bad she used to be w/ it, realizing it, and the coping mechanisms she used once she realized it was a problem. She really understood what I was going thru. Dude I've been such an insecure, jealous bf w/ past gf's. I always pushed them away. When I chose to be open about it w/ my current gf? It helped her understand me better. It made us closer. You watching this video & talking about it shows that you know you need help. The next time this happens tell your gf how you are feeling. Know you are NOT ALONE. And that many, many, many men & women struggle w/ this. My buddy is a counselor. I told him about it. You know what he told me? He said he even struggle w/ it at a time w/ his now wife. This is a college educated social worker who counsels others for a living. So it's normal. Do you have it? Yes. Are you talking about it? Yes. Are you being honest in talking about it? Yes. What is honesty? It is openness. True openness. When you are open w/ others it makes the relationship stronger. It's not even remotely an issue w/ me anymore. Since I learned how to cope w/ it? It's my duty to advise you on what worked for me. So you can deal w/ it and in turn help someone else. You will get through and over this. If you ever need to talk about it I'm here. More importantly the next time you're in a relationship & you begin to feel it rising up in you? You need to talk about it w/ the girl you are seeing.

[@ronyforever]

@@christianedwards3565 Thanks brother for your concern ❤ I think I am extreme with it, or you can call me pro retroactive jealousy person! I wish I can recover from this problem. .I am too very conservative and possessive person only with that person whom I love. .But if we think from our mind, I think true love doesn't exist today at all practically. .Everything is materialistic. .Only 20% relationship were successful out 100% I am very Intellectual and career oriented person. .So at the end of the day I think to sacrifice the relationship and work hard for the career

[@skym821]

Thank you

[@jadevega3996]

This is fantastic. However, I’m not really worried about my partners exes, more so all the attractive women around us

[@Bloody1313Kisses]

I was also wondering if this would work with current jealousy. My bf lives in a party college town two hours away with girls that wear very little clothing

[@udaykumar-fk4gd]

Because of this issue!!! i lost my relationship today😭

[@nidiasencion1752]

Your videos are awesome. I'm struggling with this the funny thing is I wasn't like that before until my actual husband. Is this something that maybe I had or something I acquired

[@MegaCozzy]

I’m starting taking sertraline tomorrow for this problem as I’ve meet an old lady friend from 20 years ago so I don’t want to get these horrible thoughts again , hope they help .

[@EBtubevideo]

My ex-husband acted like I had this issue bc I am curious. I didn't have jealousy. I just wondered. And I didn't worry about him cheating. But before our divorce he got obsessive about checking in with my friends and was convinced I was cheating. He couldn't trust me and was convinced I was the problem. Now he is with someone far more experienced than I was and low and behold he is super insecure and jealous. I can tell he is obsessing. I'm glad to have it confirmed it wasn't me in such an obvious way. I feel bad for him. I think he is attempting to play catch up with her and basically sleep around to fix it... Which it won't. I'd send him this video but he won't speak to me or listen bc he thinks I am crazy. He doesn't see the similarity in his behavior now to with me. He doesn't think it is his issue... Sad honestly. He won't feel better screwing the world.

[@firsthelix6726]

Great video, Zachary, and thanks that you discovered this serious issue and dedicate your work to provide a solution for it! What if you learn about the sexual lifestyle of an ex, after the break-up ((just happended, for other reasons) from a person she knew and might or might not have been involved with? It looks like this to be a dark chapter of her past of which she never opened up to me and it threatened our intimacy during the relationship - now I can imagine why. I am not even in a position to get clarification on this and it hit me during the post break-up depression period on top of everything else. Now, my brain is spinning around even more. Does this help for this as well? Can you advise?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Short answer: yes, this method can be very helpful no matter what your particular situation looks like. However, there's also more work to do. I put together a free mini-course for people like you which you can access here: www.retroactivejealousy.com/free-mini-course/ Many people have found the mini-course very helpful. Hope you do, too.

[@firsthelix6726]

Thank you Zachary. Is there more work to do basically to treat OCD or is there anything that requires more work with regards to my specific issue? Thanks for clarifying!

[@ZacharyStockill]

Impossible for me to say, as I don't know enough about your history/background/mental health, etc. But this material is a great first step for getting this beast conquered.

[@DiosMios915]

This helps

[@debolin9645]

Really ?

[@juanmontano7478]

Thanks!!!!

[@ZacharyStockill]

You're very welcome.

[@bommasudha284]

@@ZacharyStockill can you please suggest me best OCD doctor or treatment in INDIA, especially Bangalore or in southindia

[@gabrielad6699]

I discovered about Retroactive Jealousy OCD last week, after one of the most intense breakdowns of my life, which was the final consequence of letting my Obsessive curiosity Unleash my compulsive behaviors: i got So uncontrolledly curious... that i Stalked my boyfriend’s past text messages related to his ex and discovered things that just Broke my mind and led me to full-on hysteria. I am deeply ashamed of it and genuinely don’t have the guts to tell him that i Invaded his goddamn privacy. Yet that isn’t even the point of this comment; i thought, after so many closures and experiences, such as That one breakdown i had recently, that it’ll be Over... but no... my obsessive thoughts started invading me Again..and agAin two days after the breakdown. i thought i was fucking losing it because those thoughts of my boyfriend with his ex (who i also know personally and have Nothing! against) invade my whOle brain every half an hour, and no one understood this continuous, insatiable and untamable jealousy yet curiosity i’ve had for the last four months (my Rjocd was triggered four months ago, three months after the start of the relationship because the ex got Omnipresent in our lives and both me and my partner were deeply uncomfortable with it). i simply want to Thank You from the Bottom of my whole heart for giving me an explanation to why my brain is behaving this way... i always excused it as Comparison to the ex as an effect of my subconscious insecurities... but here’s the thing! i Love my boyfriend with my whole Being and do my best to build a fucking Awesome relationship with him: i don’t feel unworthy, no... i’m proud of the fact i am Able to make him happy and am pReeetty sure i am not self-conscious enough to think i don’t deserve him or am worse than his ex (+my partner And everyone surrounding us has always reassured me that everything is fine... and also from what i’ve been told from him and others is that... the ex behaved toxically when they were together). so Yeah, after straying so much off the topic... i want to Thank this youtube channel Again and Again and again! you really gave me hope, and some reassurance and warmth in my chest. the last thing i want to do... is to Hurt and make my boyfriend uncomfortable... and my Compulsive behaviors just make me behave Atrociously and put Him in an awful position, and i felt very guilty of it as i did not know how to restrain my brain from doing these... Destructive, awfully destructive things. thank you truly for sharing this. i had no clue this existed... and assumed i was going insane.

[@estevanmunoz5058]

WE LOVE YOU! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! LET'S FUCKING GO WITH OUR HEALING!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@mlfitness67]

I really need to get rid of this. The thoughts that I have about this man who hasn't done anything to me. He was married and the woman that I'm dating had a two year affair with him. This all happened 3 weeks before her and I started dating. She told me about it and in the beginning I didn't care but once my feelings got involved, I developed this anger and resentment towards the guy and it's driving me crazy. I hate it. I want to end this relationship with her because I've never experienced this before and don't believe that relationships should be difficult. I don't like feeling this way.

[@THECLARENCES]

So, what happens with all those obsessive thoughts you push away? They build up and eventually explode! xoxo The Clarences

[@rotationalmotion]

I am stuck hopelessly now and feeling like no way out, I constantly ruminate about my gf’s past. I am dead, I will try this guide and see if it works, life seems so pointless now

[@katherinebrown2841]

Hi, I've been watching videos about retroactive jealousy and there's always a point that the past is the past and there's a reason why it didn't work out with the former partners and that is why you guys are dating now. My problem is that I am part of my partner's past because we dated before and broke up because of circumstances and immaturity because we were kids that have never been in a serious relationship before. In the 2 years apart, we both went to college and had experiences with other people (no relationships just flings). Now that we are back together, I'm struggling with his newfound experience since the first time around he had just been intimate with me. It's hard for me to group myself with the girls in his past but also see us as something new. Can you please make a video on this?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Thanks for your comment, Katherine. Seems like pretty standard RJ to me (this situation is more common than you might think). All kinds of info and resources for you here: www.retroactivejealousy.com/free-mini-course/

[@damiendemayo4405]

Interesting 😉

[@anubhavchauhan654]

Love from india bhai ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@giggyj6343]

And what happens when it all builds up and explodes? Serenity now......insanity later. -Lloyd Braun

[@mwloos1]

My issue is backwards. I’m dating again after leaving a 4 year relationship and I’m using apps. My issue is when I meet women I’m interested in I can’t stop thinking that they are hooking up with all the other guys they meet. I obsess over they may have hooked up with someone just last week or even yesterday. I know women get a lot of interest on those apps. Of course I don’t want to start interrogating them because usually I just met them a few dates ago or even for the first time and that would quickly end any future dates. I wonder if others have this same issue.

[@Poopdogg24]

Basically if you police yourself for long enough, you can change this habit behavior?

[@farhaankhan3354]

I've watched you videos and now I have a serious follow-up. Please help me if you can. I have a slightly different problem Shall I mail you? Or what. Where should i write my problem to you, and expect a reply. Please let me know

[@ZacharyStockill]

Hi Farhan, all information about consultations, coaching, etc. on this page: www.retroactivejealousy.com/one-on-one-coaching/

[@farhaankhan3354]

@@ZacharyStockill Sir, I am a high school student and I don't have any money to subscribe to your course. My problem is also kind of different , and after watching your videos I assumed you are the person out there trying to genuinely help. Please it will be of great help if you can drop me your email address at [e-mail]. It will take like 2 minutes of your life but it will save from the horrors that I am going through. Please, if you could.

[@luiscastro1362]

The thing is this was never something that bothered me, at all. And then I met my girlfriend who I love so damn much, she is the love of my life, and all of a sudden, something that never bothered me started haunting me, constantly with mind images of her with the other guys. How should I, how can I deal with the fact that other men had the chance to do whatever it is they wanted with her, how can I deal with this? Please help me, she is the love of my life, and I can’t seem to deal with this. Please help!

[@alr.3137]

Fucking hell, I had a relapse a week ago, after feeling fine for 2 years. Going through hell atm - obsessing over memories and notes I wrote down, fearing they would invalidate my feelings if I don't find the 99% proof. I got some sensory perception OCD

[@milaanvigraham8664]

What if you have those intrusive thoughts, and you believe that they're valid? Or if you aren't sure? Will the "It's not me - it's OCD" thing still eventually work if you don't believe in what you're saying, as long as you stick to not allowing yourself to think those intrusive thoughts, and say "it's not me - it's OCD" whether or not you believe it? Will it still work?

[@ZacharyStockill]

It should, but try to really dig deep into how "valid" these thoughts really are. Question and challenge your attitude around these thoughts.

[@milaanvigraham8664]

@@ZacharyStockill It's a bit exhausting to do that haha, I've tried. At this point I just want a definite approach that works, rather than trying to delve deep into my mind. Thanks :)

[@LeA-kj5nj]

Thank you for this question, Milaan. I mean, I am wondering how do deal with this in a current relationship where I believe but have no proof if current cheating (although he has once before that I know of). Yet, before that and still now, the thoughts persist all day every day. Even going deep-which, yes is exhausting, you still don’t “know” for sure. I’d hope we can use universal ways to overcome this.

[@rinaroo3896]

You should offer payment plans for your courses! I would immediately sign on for that and then you receive the course etc once you’ve completed paying it!!! I want the most expensive package and would gladly sign up for a payment plan on it!

[@ZacharyStockill]

Ask and ye shall receive. I've been thinking about doing this for a while, actually. Just added payment plan options to the Basic and Premium course packages. www.retroactivejealousy.com/course-open/

[@ZacharyStockill]

P.S. You'll get instant access to the entire course the moment your first payment is processed.

[@darrellbush4280]

How can I dismiss as OCD/not true when I know it actually happened?

[@jayzayas1]

That was then and you are now and tomorrow. In time now and the future will be all that matters.

[@levimercer92]

I'm in the same boat. The vulgarity and imagery is just impossible to fully get past knowing it happened. All these tricks to dismiss is but just the fact that it happened hurts and angers me.

[@DrJ-hx7wv]

If it's true, then this method isn't for you. It's not a misfire. It depends on if she's holding back with you. If she's not, then you can still fight

[@raghav3093]

Is anyone here who put this in practice and has had large success?? I am struggling.. I hope this works..

[@ZacharyStockill]

Dozens of success stories here: www.retroactivejealousy.com/retroactive-jealousy-success-stories/

[@cartagena_11]

I need help. My girlfriend has a daughter and I used to be jealous thinking about the other guy (who was just a one night stand) being with her in bed etc etc. I’ve been trying to get passed that. Sometimes I think about it, not as much as before. My reason for commenting this is not for that, is something new. Talking to her mom, she slipped out that she was married before. She didn’t know my gf didn’t tell me that. Her past life is very private for her but I think something as big as marriage should be talked to the person who you’re with. Any thoughts on this? Please, I need all the advice I can take.

[@elizabethhope991]

The past doesn't exist. The past should never be thought about. The Only thing that matters is the future, and today. I pray this message finds you. God help us. I know how tormenting this issue can be.

[@petricmogotsane9833]

@@elizabethhope991 it's tormenting mi to hell😭

[@DrJ-hx7wv]

This isn't ocd. This is a serious lie.

[@DrJ-hx7wv]

@@elizabethhope991 the past makes us who we are.

[@TonyAFC85]

would you recommend this book in audio format? i drive alot and would be a good use of time.

[@ZacharyStockill]

For sure. I'm sure you can find it on Audible.

[@Benjamin328]

So instead of hurting your partner with your past it's better keeping it to yourself and move on

[@kennkornd6491]

Am I supposed to talk to her about it and let her know or no?????

[@ramjoshi3809]

kenn Kornd i suggest you dont because i have been dealing with this for 2 months now , when we started the relationship i asked her about everything and it never really bothered me but than once my feelings started to grow it started to kick in and i feel like i would not be able to get rid of that feelings but hang in there , we can beat this!! Do not discuss your feelings with her because she will help you and the thoughts will struck your brain again!! She will get hurt thinking that you dont trust her and why are you like that and you will end up fighting..

[@cartagena_11]

Help please help. Somebody help me

[@messpilo]

The difference between ocd and schizophrenia is that in schizophrenia the thoughts are not real but delusions otherwise I see many similarities.

[@luiscastro1362]

I’m so tired of feeling like this, I’m really tired, and so is my girlfriend, she is the love of my life, please, if you know how to deal with this, please help me

[@ZacharyStockill]

All kinds of resources for you here: www.retroactivejealousy.com

[@pinoywheelgunner]

When RJ attacks and I visualize my girl and her ex together doing stuff, is it healthy for me to be thinking of other girls I find attractive?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Not sure I understand your question.

[@pinoywheelgunner]

When RJ attacks, images of my girl with her ex (in bed) pop up in my head. And that is pure torture as you probably imagine. To refocus, Can I imagine other girls that I find attractive?

[@ZacharyStockill]

If it helps..? Though I'm not sure it would. Probably not the best way to act out the 4 step process described above.

[@pinoywheelgunner]

Suggestions?

[@ZacharyStockill]

I created a free mini-course for RJ sufferers which you might find helpful. www.retroactivejealousy.com/free-mini-course/

[@reuven1996]

Are there people with ocd who have recovered from this method?

[@willb8841]

I’ve done a bit of research, seems that a lot have recovered but not fully. It’s like depression or anxiety, can become minimised and manageable but will never go away.