Reviewing Ben Shapiro's Garbage Short Story Collection

Back with another look at terrible Conservative literature. Maybe this should become a series.
This time I’ll be discussing three short stories written by Ben Shapiro. They’re pretty bad.
This book was published a year before his novel, though I suspect Ben wrote some of these when he was much younger. They reveal a lack of maturity, and the faintest glimmer of talent. But more often than not it’s dashed into oblivion by the heavy hand of his ham-fisted ideological tilts.
I believe, and have certainly read, many great works of literature by conservative authors. The reason this one fails isn’t because of what it believes, but it’s inability to portray those beliefs in a meaningful story. As much as I disagree with Ben Shapiro politically, that’s not (entirely) what’s wrong with these stories. The main problem is Ben is just really bad at putting together a story.
Someone please tell him to write more. The pain is starting to feel good.
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[@UnicornofWar]

Why would Ben Shapiro write and release such horrific fiction? The answer is simple: "I though the money would enough."

[@ingnewton]

This comment would enough

[@tvremote9394]

I don't upvote a lot of comments, but I would do it multiple times if I could for this one

[@ICantRecognizeCelebrities]

@@ingnewton That's what you thik

[@BimLanders]

I legit lol'ed

[@OneEyeShadow]

Isn't he a failed Hollywood writer or something? He probably just likes doing it and is lucky that he has an audience that isn't too picky as long as his themes are conservative value affirming. Also money.

[@choo-choo4922]

Ben's idea of socialist utopia: >work meaningless job >be isolated from others because everything feels impermanent >be oppressed by police >suffer through monotonous culture >be forced to think you are happy (or act like it) >diversity is punished >be subject to social Darwinist societal engineering Almost like Ben thinks America is a socialist utopia.

[@HeadGodoftheGodCouncil]

The Irony here is: *>be oppressed by police* is what the right does, they want a more militarized police..

[@adeer87]

Choo-Choo You’re completely right, but on the other hand, your pfp is going to give me nightmares.

[@AlteredNova04]

For real, this absurd dishonest "parody" of a Socialist Utopia is basically an only slightly exaggerated description of living as a lower class minority in modern capitalist America.

[@quorryraphael9980]

@@AlteredNova04 don't you get it? Benny's saying a socialist Utopia is where everyone is living as a minority in the United States. He truly has a magnificent brain, that he keeps in an oversized magic 8 ball and shakes to get ideas for his stories.

[@raycearcher5794]

Winston already loved Big Brother. As a result he didn't have much going on. Then everybody got hydrogen bombed.

[@cataptromantia6831]

Omg Ben Shapiro has a vore fetish.

[@adeer87]

Nurse With A Curse *deviantArt has entered the chat*

[@leepinlepin]

Yes.....yes he does.

[@TTTristan1]

I've only listened to the first story in the video and now I'm terrified. *EDIT* : So vore = abortion. I didnt expect any less.

[@danatronics9039]

owo

[@Hayden_Cat]

UwU

[@CoryMck]

Britney spears was still a teenager herself in the 90s. *A miniature Britney Spears is a preteen.*

[@UwU-xk5cx]

Ohh shut

[@josh-oo]

Married to a college student six months later. Sounds like Ben's got some dark desires.

[@CoryMck]

@@josh-oo bench appearo couldn't have any desires darker than Ecru, he doesn't respect black people and he can't even admit that rap is music. P.s. I can say that, I'm black, don't @ me.

[@josh-oo]

@@CoryMck That was a decent response. Got a mild chuckle outta me.

[@TheEnoEtile]

@@CoryMck @

[@hamzasr6501]

who else isnt surprised the only female characters aren't characters (or people) at all but instead plot devices for the male characters 😐

[@hamzasr6501]

shows how ben views women but you'd only need to listen to him speak for about 5 seconds to know what a misogynist he is

[@ICantRecognizeCelebrities]

@@hamzasr6501 He's very disdainful of feminism.

[@verybarebones]

I am shocked, do you hear? Shocked.

[@benjaminkiaunis]

@@soumilroy A doctor you say? I don't believe li'l Benny has ever mentioned that, ever. Not once.

[@yltraviole]

Exactly what I was thinking.

[@SarahZ]

Watching this video and gradually realizing plot point by plot point that the second story was an abortion metaphor is a trip

[@JoseBird]

I still remember the chat during the premiere. Just a series of people going "Oh nooooo"

[@SarahZ]

@@JoseBird i got to 'the whale asks the doctor to kill him' and the abject horror dawned on me

[@briangriffin5359]

He writes like someone who has only ever watched t.v.

[@luna-p]

Spot on

[@adeer87]

Nailed it.

[@VeryHotBantman]

I feel personally attacked....

[@exploderwrestlingpodcast2721]

Don't blame this on TV, he's also a religious zealot asshole who idolizes right wing assholes.

[@kazaddum2448]

Which is hilarious considering the jobs of his parents.

[@n.l.g.6401]

One thing I don't understand is how "equal rights and access to resources" translates to "we must make everyone exactly the same." This isn't the first time I've seen that particular batshit take appear in an anti-socialist short story, and it flabbergasts me every time.

[@normtrooper4392]

Conservatives have to do a lot to justify how they don't care about people, and think being selfish should be everyone's core philosophy despite what they preach about family and community. To them, everyone must be an island with power deciding the pecking order

[@verybarebones]

Because rights and resources, in their mind, are linked to "deserving" them through specific traits rather than about simply being a human being.

[@dinosaysrawr]

Vonnegut and Rod Serling have managed to pull of compelling stories about equality taken to absurd extremes. Others, not so much.

[@TheSongwritingCat]

Because they want to buy into a fallacy that even in a utopia without corruption where resources can be evenly divided, it will somehow lead to greater poverty. Basically, income inequality is not the result of an unfair system that enables the greed of a small percentage of the population but an inevitability because there is simply not enough food, wealth, etc. to go around. So really, who cares how we organize it? And similarly, success is determined by genetics and real racial and gender differences and not a history of systemic oppression or any kind of context like that so there's no point in trying to remedy any of it because you'd have to breed the "smart" out of "some" people to put everyone on the same level.

[@devonmunn5728]

It is funny because that's what bigots want so it's projection

[@fulcrumthebrave5715]

I can just imagine Ben Shapiro constantly going "and let's say" while writing these books.

[@deoxyribomorph99]

"now, hypothetically"

[@fruitygarlic3601]

And let's say, for the sake of the metaphor, he vores him...

[@eliasbischoff176]

Maybe that's why the stories were so poorly written. There actually was an editor, but they were preoccupied with crossing out the 897 "let's say"s in the stories

[@redblaze8700]

Let’s say, hypothetically, he though the stories would be good 😆

[@Kobolds_in_a_trenchcoat]

Why do I feel like the mother who is nothing more than a burden on her family and has no characterization says a lot about ben's views on women?

[@jacob7649]

It's just a story

[@mgg7756]

His wife is a doctor

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@jacob7649 Writer and artist here Youd be surprised how much can be revealed about the author through their work. Especially if its a repeat thing. Or he is just a really really REALLY shitty writer. Honestly with Benny boy, it can be either, or both.... Its probably both.

[@anenemystand5582]

@@elvingearmasterirma7241 yes let us psychoanalyze the angry gnome.

[@paulelkin3531]

@@anenemystand5582 That's horrific. Why would ever say such a vile thing about gnomes?

[@CandGoods]

"From the Pit" just sounds like Ben writing about his vore fetish.

[@sebicmiel4221]

@Toori Baba What makes you think she's a leftist?

[@puppable]

@Toori Baba you know how to pick your fights, don't you

[@OneEyeShadow]

@Toori Baba pretty sure Ben is right wing.

[@AVGgrendelmain]

I agree. Perhaps I need to lift my mind from the gutter but this just seems like micro vore to me.

[@xXKris_DreemurrXx]

​@AVGgrendelmain I think the fact that he loses his fucking clothes while inside the stomach is a dead giveaway💀

[@ILikedGooglePlus]

I keep giving up on my dream of being a writer because I think I'll never be good enough to get anything published. But thanks Ben Sharpie, I've never felt so good about my stories

[@TheEnoEtile]

Real note just keep writing. It's the only way to improve. There's probably writers work shops and classes at the local community college or online you can take to help you improve too. The best way to become a writer is to write.

[@angelasmith5019]

If that doesn’t last anymore I recommend 50 shades of grey. I don’t write but at least I have the confidence now that I can’t do worse....

[@adeer87]

Also, consider listening to long reviews of Onision’s terrible novels. Your confidence will be infinitely boosted. This I swear.

[@KaiHenningsen]

@@angelasmith5019 Wasn't that the one that was a fan-fiction of Twilight, which in turn is often thought to be a fan-fic of some part of the Buffy-verse?

[@adeer87]

ryne green If I have to know, then you have to know. I don’t want to suffer alone.

[@369TurtleMan]

Kemp knows the tumor is deadly because his wife is a doctor.

[@JunoAuerWatson]

Kemp however does not know that vaginas can get wet. Unless of course a yeast infection is involved.

[@fairsaa7975]

@@JunoAuerWatson "My wives P word is perfectly dry"

[@komrookmetmy465]

Shapiro's thought process is just a weird amalgam of Ayn Rand philosophy, Old Testament fundamentalism, and intense sexual frustration.

[@OneEyeShadow]

But his wife's a doctor.

[@thebrutusmars]

Flo I don’t believe you. He would’ve told me!

[@suezuccati304]

The way he overly describes muscular tall and sweaty men and never gives any description for any female character (seriously, we barely get hair color descriptions), just tickles me a bit too much to say he's a self loathing repressed gay guy

[@redblaze8700]

He wants to say that he loves AOC, but his conservative programming won’t allow it 😆

[@TheDarthbinky]

"and never gives any description for any female character (seriously, we barely get hair color descriptions)" Hey now, he did describe that one girl as a miniature Britney Spears!

[@MCain-ky2yv]

"Tommy responds by turning into a character from an Ayn Rand novel" god save us all

[@jeffengel2607]

It does make sense of leaving mom to die in a fire - she's a parasite and he's nobly selfish.

[@Fluffkitscripts]

God save us all

[@tompatterson1548]

There is a reason why I haven't read Rand. It's just bad writing.

[@adkeysimarie6822]

This man can NOT write. Who lied to him? And also the last story is literally Brave New World and that's plagarism.

[@nergregga]

I don't think he listens to anyone's opinion but his own. After all we are just poor losers who could never reach his level of supreme destroyer of college students.

[@trafalgarla]

The second story is probably heavily "inspired" by Judith Jarvis Thompson's violinist argument too

[@no_peace]

I was gonna say We've all read brave new world Ben

[@sholem_bond]

I'm offended on Aldous Huxley's behalf.

[@Gripen1974]

i say it is the Chinese knock of of Aldos Huxleys Brave New World, you know the dollar store version.

[@louisrusso8799]

I’m gonna sleep well tonight knowing my 12 year old sister is a better writer than Ben Shapiro

[@jacob7649]

So she writes better then you lol

[@brippadedp4188]

@@jacob7649 than not then

[@RipTheJackR]

You just had to attack his wife, classless. She's a doctor, you know?

[@jacob7649]

@@brippadedp4188 hey kid if the autocorrect says its then than its then you dumb caboose

[@brippadedp4188]

@@jacob7649 i literally never insulted you in my comment, just pointed out a common mistake. No need to be so rude about it. Get a life and go take a nap asshole

[@wiseguymotionpictures1416]

If only Ben’s wife was a doctor, she could have told him that cauterizing with acid wasn’t possible. I imagine in real life if we had the technology to shrink humans down to the size of mites to shoot them to death, we’d be just as capable of starting with the robots. We’ve had AI in one form or another for a long time, still working on the shrink ray.

[@frenchguitarguy1091]

If we want to be really pedantic we can point out that shrinking humans to that size would result in them instantly freezing to death as the smaller size lowers the bodys natural heat production- as shrinking exponentially decreases the overall volume- conversely supersizing an animal would actually make it overheat and possibly explode.

[@Sam-lr9oi]

@@frenchguitarguy1091 also as explained in that one episode of DS9, all the air molecules are still the same size and would be way too big to work with tiny organs, but maybe that's what the "Halos" were for in Bens book. so then they just slowly suffocate instead of immediately dying due to being tiny

[@Cubannerd]

I think his wife is a doctor. XD

[@crimsonlanceman7882]

I have a shrink ray right here, I'll let you try it out, but you have to buy me a McDonalds vegan sandvich.

[@wiseguymotionpictures1416]

@@Sam-lr9oi but tiny things also have respiratory systems that don’t explode don’t they? Where’s an expert on microorganisms when you need one?

[@bsol510]

Why is Ben’s fictional writing always so homoerotic?

[@adeer87]

*Why is no one talking about the mouthfeel?*

[@verybarebones]

It's the inevitable consequence when women arent allowed to be people. All the spicy character interactions happen between men.

[@Mish844]

Comparing it to conservative work of fiction in my country I'm seeing a theme - poorly thought, poorly written, and unmasking how silly their imagination about left wing is.

[@PancakemonsterFO4]

@Filthy acts at a reasonable price goinc for the good ol brojoy, ay? No homo tho

[@iz2333]

Ben caught the big gey

[@KOLN555]

Utopia: or Brave New World if it were written for the illiterate inhabitants of Brave New World

[@Marvos79]

It's closer to a ripoff of the Giver. Down to the non existence of mountains and the guy meeting the architect of society. Even finding out about the world of the past. It's a blatant ripoff. Except the Giver is interesting and thought provoking

[@davilaelian]

@@Marvos79 it’s almost like Ben Shapiro read the giver in 6th grade, forgot absolutely everything that made it good, and decided to rewrite it.

[@reuteratwork8983]

K, so the "What's Fair" thing is really just a slap-in-the-face insult to farmers, isn't it? I mean, he straight up says that Tom is a miserable failure who's done nothing w/ his life -- but he also says that Tom has been running the farm, while Jim just tinkers in the barn -- so, he's saying that running a farm [successfully, obviously -- otherwise, there would've been mention of how the farm was failing] is "nothing"...that caring for an aging, infirm parent is "nothing" -- y'know, I thought those rightwingers are all gung-ho on the farmers of America, how they're the "real Americans", & deserve respect -- & I thought rightwingers promoted family values, like taking care of your parents when they get old -- guess I was mistaken...

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

I think they're more gung-ho on the money the farms bring in. And l'm guessing family values is a way for them to keep people in line, somehow.

[@justinhille8151]

Sounds to me like Jim was completely dependent on Tom and Emmy. They ran the farm by themselves and allowed him to be able to spend all his time on his plow. I don't see how Jim was taking care of Tom in this case, I'd say it was the other way around.

[@reuteratwork8983]

@@justinhille8151 - Yes, exactly -- Shapiro is a moron, who doesn't even realize that his story presents the opposite concept of what he thinks it does -- he also thinks that people who lose beachfront property due to rising oceans can just sell their underwater houses & move -- he has pure mush for brains...

[@reuteratwork8983]

@@TheDanishGuyReviews - I was being facetious -- I know that it's all a bunch of empty rightwing virtue-signaling -- lip service to values that they don't actually hold -- like how they howl about the deficit, until they get a chance to explode it by passing huge tax breaks for the wealthy, & then they're all, like, "Deficits? So what" -- but then, after they pass the tax breaks & explode the deficit, they wait a little while, & then want to point to the deficit as a reason why they absolutely, positively, must must must cut social services!!! They are absolutely disgusting creatures...

[@justinhille8151]

@@reuteratwork8983 I wonder if he's actually that stupid or just pandering to his audience. It's still a fact that he went to Harvard. His answer on beachfront property makes so little sense I just can't believe he would actually buy into it.

[@wolight]

This collection of word salad illustrates the contradiction inherent in modern right-wing thought: You and only you are responsible for how your life turns out, but there's also a Natural Order of the world that cannot be acted against

[@meowkki4322]

Thus is the mental gymnastics used to justify systematic oppression

[@lisazoria2709]

Yeah, I can't get over the inherent hypocrisy, it's so blind.

[@MrMarinus18]

That's not modern. That contradiction was present in the gilded age of the late 19th century. It just was completely discredited in the great depression. So "Neo-liberalism" really is just an attempt to revive that discredited ideology.

[@Chrisfb-oo9mr]

It's just naturalism, but somehow worse

[@byronnotbryon8605]

Is it me or does Shapiro seem to like men dominating each other.

[@adeer87]

ByronnotBryon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@celticcomrade9957]

ByronnotBryon These books are basically an insight into his disturbed mind lol

[@peterprime2140]

I mean, same.

[@deoxyribomorph99]

It's not just you.

[@pulpil10]

I think he has a woman mindet

[@GanguroKonata]

No Mountains In Socialism

[@reuteratwork8983]

Right, because mountains can elevate one person above another, get it? Do you get it? It's really deep & insightful, but do you get it? No mountains, no valleys, in socialist utopia, because that can put some people higher or lower than each other -- & that's not allowed!!!! Get it?! Do you get it?! DO YOU GET IT?!?! & they live in A BUBBLE!!! Get it?! Do ya?!?! Ben put a lot of thought into this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@charliedawson4877]

You just don't get it, man.

[@malikanthony1149]

Reuter Atwork Hierarchy makes me hard

[@johannageisel5390]

@@malikanthony1149 Are you a granite mountain?

[@NimhLabs]

Welcome to Night Vale

[@zakkizer2490]

So not only is Ben a bad writer, but he's also incredibly derivative. Rip-offs of East of Eden, Fantastic Voyage and Ayn Rand's Anthem with Ben's garbage politics crammed into them (or more so, in the case of the latter)

[@apuffin9545]

Who would've thought a conservative would be uncreative.

[@zakkizer2490]

A Puffin if you’re gonna do nothing but preach to your audience, at least come up with something original

[@firetarrasque4667]

@Kylem I take offense to that. Ben is a regressive, not a conservative. He is worse.

[@Painocus]

And Anthem was already a rip-off of Zamyatin's We. For people who claim to value capitalism and individual ingenuity like Ben and Rand, they seem to be ripping off a socialist a whole lot.

[@PancakemonsterFO4]

But, but *Abortion*

[@222sundae]

"Socialism makes everyone into a blank character" doesn't even give the character a name

[@andyhoov]

I'm not even finished, but I have to jump in here. The second story is clearly about a rich man literally consuming his worker and when faced with the opportunity to save that worker through something that is only a minor inconvenience for himself, he'd rather let the worker suffer and die. In his strange, roundabout way of trying to make an abortion metaphor, Shapiro actually made a story that reads much more coherently as a leftist parable. Hell, we can even throw in there how the worker is only in this situation because he driven by economic necessity to fight an utterly pointless war that only benefits the whims of the Whale. PLUS, his position is obviously at risk of being lost to automation. And that first story presents plenty of other issues. From the sounds of it, their mother probably would have benefited from a stronger social welfare system that could have provided the family better financial and medical support. Also, let's not forget how the "dumb" brother was screwed over by the exploitative college sports system in the US. Essentially, he was injured while performing a job meant to generate profit from the school and is then punished for it by the loss of scholarships. Once again, this story could easily be written from a leftist perspective without much alteration.

[@Zaprozhan]

Well said! As another commentator said, Ben, being the author, still cannot generate a scenario where his ideology is correct.

[@OneEyeShadow]

I'm almost wondering whether Ben has secretly changed his political believes but can't admit to it because it would be financial and social suicide for him. Who knows?

[@adeer87]

Please make this reading-terrible-books thing a series. I love this trash. Edit: “The pain is starting to feel good.” José I don’t want to kinkshame, but reading Shapiro’s writing is one kind of masochism that I cannot condone. Edit edit: *I t h o u g h t h e m o n e y w o u l d e n o u g h*

[@themusicaljunkie37]

I say aye for that

[@andylawlzz]

Though*

[@rexappleby4731]

Check out Jenny Nicholson, she's hilarious and reads awful books too and she's vaguely left wing.

[@Lexivor]

Also check out 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back, a bad book podcast with Mike Nelson from MST3K.

[@adeer87]

Lexivor I’ll check that out! Thanks! Rex Appleby Jenny is awesome, that reminds me that I still need to watch her Joker review...

[@bimbowithadegree420]

Things i will ever understand about Ben Shapiro: 1) He believes in small government yet believes they should have authority to mess with people's body and whether or not they can love each other; 2) he is meant to only care about the *facts* yet can't make any fact based argument against abortion and gay marriage (no ben, using your religion is not using facts its using arbitrary *feelings* and morals codes) 3) he doesn't believe that any discrimination could ever exist in the West, aside from anti-semitism because that is supposedly everywhere, unlike say racism or sexism. 4) he is taken as an authority on politics and policy, WITH NO BACKGROUND IN THESE AREAS. Ben studied *law* at univeristy, not politics, not international relations, not even sociology. Why is he taken as an authority?

[@SorowFame]

You have to understand that by “facts don’t care about your feelings” he’s not including himself in that “your”. Facts definitely care about his feelings.

[@LineOfThy]

he has a total of 0 losses on his record because he only targets inexperienced people and loves talking over others. See it doesn't matter if you make sense or not as long as you sound smart and people want to believe you.

[@BretGammons]

On Thursdays, he goes out and looks at the stars. On Tuesdays, he hooks up with a random woman. And on Wednesdays, he wears pink.

[@reuteratwork8983]

On Thursdays, he walks up & down his street, kicking the tires of all the parked cars. On Fridays, he spins in place till he feels like he's going to throw up. But he doesn't.

[@MarjaCamargo]

I was hoping José would make the “on Wednesday, he wears pink” joke. Glad someone did it.

[@reuteratwork8983]

Well, crap -- I thought we were just being random here -- not up on my "Mean Girls" memes -- I'll just go now... :(

[@davidspears4550]

On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea.

[@reuteratwork8983]

@@davidspears4550 - Ahh! A MP reference! Now, *that* , I get! Which goes right back to wearing pink -- because then he puts on women's clothing, & hangs around in bars!

[@kupotenshi]

Ben Shapiro probably thinks creative writing/english majors are useless while he writes at the level of 13 year old fangirls on wattpad

[@unbearablysmug2437]

Dude, that is such an awful thing to say about Fangirls fanfics, they don't even compare

[@kupotenshi]

@@unbearablysmug2437 you're right, 13 year old fangirls have more creativity than benny boy

[@atanvardecunambiel8917]

Don’t do “Kidnapped by One Direction” like that!

[@AVGgrendelmain]

Hey, at least the Wattpad fangirls aren’t producing bizarre abortion metaphors.

[@DeepForestRex]

It might not even be an exaggeration to say that most fanfics I’ve read were better written

[@CFilmer]

Unsurprisingly, the only female characters in his stories are wifes and love interests of the male characters.

[@soundlessorc8O8]

Or just a massive burden on every other character

[@embasorangiratina36]

Here's the summary of this book: 1st story: Cain and Able ripoff. 2nd story: The story of Jonah meets the High Priestess battle. 3rd story: Anthem x meth lab Logan's run.

[@embasorangiratina36]

@Antiochus YES! IT IS!

[@JackgarPrime]

You made that last one sound way more intersting than it actually is.

[@zoushaomenohu]

3rd story also has a BAD understanding of Kurt Vonnegut's short story, Harrison Bergeron.

[@iainhansen1047]

As somebody who spends way to much time reading Fanfiction, bens book reads like a really bad Fanfiction written by a 16 year old with way to high of an opinion of his own writing.

[@KiraDaBeastNY]

To be fair, as someone who consumes a lot of fanfiction myself, some fanfiction is absurdly good for being made by hobbyists. But yeah holy shit this stuff is so fucking bad. At least it hasn't gotten to an Onision book's level, that shit is like My Immortal on steroids.

[@quohime1824]

Most fanfiction I consume reads better than this lmao

[@ICantRecognizeCelebrities]

You can always tell which characters are the self-inserts.

[@adeer87]

True. Although bad fanfictions by actual children are more creative than Ben’s. Most of those kids aren’t plagiarizing the Bible.

[@jacob7649]

Lol then you pussy boys haven't read onision books yet

[@chromaticfrog7407]

no wonder he never sold that TV pilot.

[@jackpollard550]

“What’s Fair is the BEST story in this book.” Me, with trepidation and fear: ‘You’re only making it worse for yourself!’ ‘Making it worse, how could it get any worse!?’

[@jackpollard550]

“This story is about abortion.” FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF WITH THIS UTTER NONSENSE; WHO TOLD SHAPIRO HE COULD WRITE? WHO WAS THE GODDAMN FOOL WHO TAUGHT THIS HELIUM-VOICED BASTARD ENGLISH? FUCK.

[@jackpollard550]

OH YES. What a TERRIBLE world Socialistic policies will create, where people can eat and don’t have to worry about starving, and the Old Testament - a book infamous for depicting mass murder, slavery, and sexism as holy and righteous things - is forgotten about.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

At first I wanted to soothe you but oh god I got to that part and now I just want to sit with you and share the rage and frustration that part invokes in me I dont know who told Benny boy he could write, but they deserve to be fined for inflicting this horror upon this undeserving world.

[@anfearaerach]

JEHOVA JEHOVA

[@suzysquidink]

Think I got the formula down: (A long sentence that runs on way too long for it's own good oh god) + (A blissfully medium length sentence) + (2 X EDGY SHORT SENTENCES WOAH) = the Shapiro paragraph

[@normtrooper4392]

You forgot the spelling error that adds a odd twist at the end

[@thebrutusmars]

Emilio Singh You forgot the spelling air or that adds a twister, the end.** Fixed that for you

[@ianstratton]

I'm surprised Ben didn't reveal the architect of the socialist utopia's name to be "Karl"....

[@videogamenostalgia]

My own original character: Marl Karx

[@JunoAuerWatson]

Or Bernie

[@davidpictures6809]

Ben sharpio destroys your sanity with lies, and strawmen!

[@yaboi3178]

Shen ANNIHILATES my KZbin feed with FACTS and COCK'AND'BALL TORTURE

[@pee-ray5760]

So... the second story... I guess having to rely on billionaires to provide a pension and a decent wage is not the best way to go about it... that fighting for billionaires is dangerous and the free market doesn't provide safer solutions quickly enough and AI will eventually replace even the better paid work. Comrade Shortpiro is woke AF.

[@riflebusters1]

uphold marxism leninism shapiroism

[@verybarebones]

"Each IQ point represented a massive difference in outcome" it..... doesn't... thats not how they work at all... Also if everyone is poor, what standard are you using to measure poverty?!

[@greenakutabi]

A story where a character espouses free will and then discovers religion, a construct in which you are literally told what morality is instead of discovering for yourself is pretty blind.

[@billybadass8690]

Imagine plagiarizing The Bible lmao Also, the second story sounds a lot like Osmosis Jones

[@TurbopropPuppy]

don't have to imagine plagiarizing the Bible, just look at Joseph Smith

[@ahotdamn]

And the third story sounds like a rip off of the Giver. Even down to the old man with books

[@Kaanfight]

Oh god don’t make me associate Osmosis Jones with this trash. That show didn’t die for this!

[@PancakemonsterFO4]

@@ahotdamn oh god, he's literally ripping off one of the most well known books in youth literature, i guess the Matrix would have been too obvious and also the mentor figure is black we can't have that in our story now can we?

[@tarvoc746]

Honestly, there's a lot wrong with what Shapiro produced here, but I can't be mad at him for _that._ One of my own first stories was a rendition of the Book of Job in the context of a fantasy world I was developing. I wanted to try out the implications and ramifications of my own world-building, but I did write it as a genuine short story, not just as an experiment. Adapting material from the Bible isn't even too uncommon in literature, even in "big" literature. Just like the Homerian myths, quite a few of the stories in the Bible simply *are* timeless.

[@kolonarulez5222]

The last story is like a nazi read The Giver and Anthem then wrote a fan fiction combining the two.

[@josephsmith2682]

That's what I was thinking. Maybe a little Harrison Bergeron in there too

[@angel-gu8co]

"miniature britney spears" britney spears *is* the miniature britney spears wtf, that's so gross

[@adeer87]

angel It’s kind of creepy.

[@xxnekonekox]

Ben Shapiro is a small guy and he needs an even smaller woman to feel validated

[@moeszyslak3097]

my brain malfunctioned on this line and I couldn't stop thinking about a britney themed miniature horse

[@Azelanne]

That last story has a kind of Russian Sleep Experiment, I'm-14-and-this-is-deep creepypasta vibe, huh

[@nickmccabe2327]

"When I turned back to introduce Em, she was looking at him. They were married six months later." So why did Em marry Jim? I'm thinking it was mind control.

[@Zaprozhan]

Darn LIberal mind control! Allowing women to determine who they will mate with!

[@DustyMusician]

Ben Shapiro’s collection of short stories, featuring: -Tain and Jabel -Vore Mpreg Fanfic and -1984 but like... bad.

[@matthewgagnon9426]

So Ben has a vore fetish.

[@BinaBecker]

This is not the complete works of Ben Shapiro's fiction. This is just three shitty stories. The rest is everything he says.

[@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342]

Does he have any facts? Seriously serious question lol.

[@useroffline9999]

Soyborne. Born, made, and undone by the soy. Every sentence of his begins as “hypothetically” or “let’s just say” So noooooope

[@orion3237]

@@useroffline9999 Fear the old soy

[@merbst]

"Why not just write a story that has a better premise?" Uhh the answer is 2 words in the title of the video! "Ben Shapiro"

[@quirkyblackenby]

Did Ben really just tell the story of Cain and Abel like it was brand new and no one would notice? Also did Ben use ipecac to represent the abortion pill some people take? You vomit from both but I wonder if Ben knows that vomiting isn’t what aborts the fetus. That’s just a side effect.

[@adeer87]

Chinta K No you vomit up the fetus, everyone knows that.

[@briangriffin5359]

Exactly. The baby is in the belly. What did you think?

[@TheEnoEtile]

Its more like Cain and Able filtered through Atlas Shrugged. Which is a painful sentence to write.

[@deesmith4800]

@@TheEnoEtile I hope that you are never in a situation that causes you to repeat that sentence

[@TheEnoEtile]

@@deesmith4800 I mean I want to say I agree but I do enjoy these deconstructions of Shapiro's "work."

[@merbst]

From the perspective of a guy who studies automated text generation by machine learning methods, this is interesting, because Ben Shapiro is a robot, albiet an obsolete model.

[@felman87]

That...makes a lot of sense actually. Ben is a robot who has just been fed random conservative, libertarian points. Then his creators peddle it as intelligent to the audience. It's not creative, instead relying on cliches and repackaging existing stories into worse ones by combining elements that don't mix, similar to what Snyder did with Batman V Superman. Logically, it relies on if ____ then ____ statements, similar to Ben relying on "ok, let's suppose _____". Don't forget that this robot needs a wife. Don't want people to think its a bachelor, lest conservative women pine for it or men think it's gay. Ok, he's married and wife is...oh, Doctor. That way he can use her occupation to stand as an authority figure in regards to abortion. Does she need to be anything else? Fuck no! We only have so much space for information and we want to make sure this is filled with our talking points. Keep info on wife no larger than 1kb. Brilliant! Ok, we're set.

[@verti2790]

i literally cannot get over the extent to which that last story is just the giver (racism remix). lois lowry, please sue this man

[@deoxyribomorph99]

The Giver is boring and trite enough already, did Ben honestly think that a watered down version would turn out good?

[@exploderwrestlingpodcast2721]

Tag line for the second story: "It's like Ant-Man...but it sucks."

[@maxthepaladin2147]

All three stories are an example of "like x, but it sucks": -Cain and Able -Ant-man -Brave New World

[@briham86]

Just a reminder, Shapiro is the editor in chief of The Daily Wire and former editor at large for Breitbart News. This awful mistake-riddled, clumsy, clichéd writing was made by a guy who calls himself an EDITOR. Remember that next time a right-winger claims capitalism only rewards the deserving and that giving handouts to unqualified people is a terrible idea.

[@SorowFame]

To be fair Hollywood did reject his scripts and going by this it sure as fuck wasn’t because he’s conservative

[@tinfoilslacks3750]

I mean, Ben Shapiro is pretty positive proof that giving undeserved handouts to incompetents *is* a bad idea, considering it's how he got anywhere.

[@LineOfThy]

@@SorowFame probably because his scripts are so painfully unsubtle

[@mochithepooh5368]

It's like watching an alien trying to write an adventure novel but never actually read adventure novel, instead the alien only read the Bible.

[@Fluffkitscripts]

And tHen the JESUS jump kicked the SATAN and saved the girl before the CHOPPA exploded

[@emilyrln]

@@Fluffkitscripts That sounds more entertaining than BS's bs.

[@star-miubin]

To be fair the Bible does have a lot of action involved. And I am talking Game of Thrones style war and bloodshed.

[@amosaylesworth5128]

In my years of life I have never seen a good piece of conservative or even right wing art

[@seal6565]

Outa8mate the nazis had some good artists in it fetishizing volks mysticism and HP Lovecraft was a xenophobic cunt. A lot of human expressions can make for good art, it’s not a matter of weather they’re literal human garbage or not, there is appeal in the expression of human thoughts and emotions. Bapiro is just bad at self expression.

[@deri101]

Stravinsky was a known fascist, an amazing composer and a huge inspiration (musically) for John Williams. But that's literally the only fascist artist I know and enjoy.

[@seal6565]

deri101 to me what makes some right wingers good artists is their honesty, they are vile human beings but they do not cloak it, all their unfounded fears, ignorance and aggression can be astonishing to entertain. However for Benny boi, the essence of his beliefs and political leanings are hidden behind a superficial sense of self-grandeur and a limited exposure to society and all of its cultural products. If Ben would just write a book about a scifi utopia where all his ideals are actually personified, then we’d have something worth reading but I don’t think Benny himself has his ideals figured out or is capable of expressing them in an impersonal manner.

[@johnsinclair4621]

Outa8mate Ernst Jünger is a good read. Fascists liked him very much. Although he himself did not like them.

[@useroffline9999]

deri101 I didn’t even know that, but I hate Stravinsky music regardless 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@asgarzigel]

The dust mite story started with a ridiculous premise and somehow got more insane by the second. Anyway, thank you for exposing me to Ben Shapiro's "I want to get vored by a rich daddy" fetish, this was vital information I definitely need to know.

[@legionofyuri]

That sound-based weapon is probably a euphemism for propaganda and how the main character became immune to it and its effects once the conditioning was gone.

[@hektivity6410]

We have weapons which utilize sound to produce a concusive or debilitating force. No amount of conditioning makes someone immune to a frequency capable of melting the eardrums.

[@randomperson3526]

Also would a sound-based weapon work? Sound travels in all directions, which would also kill the person holding the gun and people close to the gun.

[@legionofyuri]

@@randomperson3526 yeah, there are already functional sound-based crowd control weapons that use directed sound energy to pick out specific targets in large groups of people.

[@randomperson3526]

@@legionofyuri That’s interesting, how is the sound focused on the target?

[@legionofyuri]

@@randomperson3526 i am not smart enough to explain how the physics work but you'll get some interesting results just by searching LRAD or sound cannons in general right here on youtube.

[@paddington19]

I can’t tell if the grammar in the first story is supposed to bad bc “farmers stupid” or just bc ben doesn’t proof read

[@TheEnoEtile]

The answer is yes

[@noahvance6160]

Given that he literally wrote in the regular prose the line "I though the money would enough," I think we can assume it's most-likely the latter.

[@mist3279]

It's like you are hurting yourself for our pleasure man. Sincerely: - The gun was Life

[@paddywall8531]

It was alive!!!

[@jaojao1768]

I though the money would enough

[@mist3279]

The ulcer, it's the only chaaaance.

[@callumsunderling835]

Does Ben have a huge crush of Britney spears? He's mentioned her atleast once in two different books

[@deesmith4800]

Either that or his pop cultural references are very limited

[@Sarcasmitron]

As an expert in Ben Shapiro studies, the answer to this question is yes. And he has written multiple angry screeds about how much of a whore she is and how she's corrupting the "culture" and how disgusted he was when he watched her kiss Madonna that one time on the VMAs.

[@Zaprozhan]

@@Sarcasmitron I think Ben is still in the "dipping pigtails in inkwells" stage of infatuation with Ms. Spears.

[@resm-oe9ji]

This reminds me of Thunderf00t and his obsession with Anita Sarkeesian, or Geeks + Gamers with Brie Larson, or pretty much any reactionary and women who disagree with them. They just have to obsess over everything these women ever do for some reason.

[@an_alienwashere]

Blue jay DESTROYS Ben Shapiro with FACTS and LOGIC

[@yeeaaaaaahhhhhhh1654]

Haily's Comet: The Capitalist Comet

[@GanguroKonata]

Also, I was too busy memeing in chat but that whole abortion story... Ben,.my guy. The person inside of him has already been born, aged into adulthood and established a life. Being such a big brain boi you have to know the difference.

[@sarcomeresarecool]

Additionally he can?? Live independently, and has been for decades? Unlike, I don't know, a... fetus?

[@jonathanjoestarwithpluck4930]

Plus this Whale guy doesn’t have to carry the main character for 9 months of his life, and as a result he won’t lose out on any job opportunities, nor potentially go into debt by keeping him. Also as we can see from the story, removing the protagonist safely wouldn’t have killed the Whale, in fact it seemed like he could’ve just crawled out of his mouth if he let him, AKA the Whale didn’t have to worry about any negative health effects or death, which many mothers do. So yeah, outside the most superficial understanding of abortion ever, this story has absolutely zero parallels to the actual issue.

[@yltraviole]

Also, getting Kemp out safely would not require a nine month intensive incubation period, a painful and dangerous birthing process, or even affect the Whale's life significantly after Kemp had gotten out. Like, there's no reason why Kemp couldn't grow to an inch or so, and climb out of the esophagus safely, without harming the Whale. Or, stay in the protective bubble and wait until you get shat out. The Whale has no good reason for wanting to kill Kemp, except "abortion metaphor". Honestly, until Jose revealed that sentence, the only theme that I could uncover was "rich people are assholes".

[@PancakemonsterFO4]

@@yltraviole or “the Rich eat the Poor“

[@justingutierrez233]

@@yltraviole this isn't true. Kemp was actively hurting the whale or attempting to. The whale had every right to want him out or dead (in self defense) . Which is actually a common and valid pro choice position I might add. So even with shapiro's BS framing here. The whale isn't being immoral at all. Shapiro just dishonestly frames it as murder when it clearly is not

[@jjmblue7]

"It's just an adorably pathetic gesture of a tiny man." ...We're still talking about the character in the story and not Ben's attempt to write a fictional narrative, right?

[@movementman9777]

Ben Shapiro’s books are like those I Survived books except they’re full of propaganda.

[@stealthtigerasmr5353]

I liked the I survived books there at least interesting for a 10 year old

[@dascommissar5264]

Shapiro isn’t even wrong. You need to make sense to be wrong.

[@tarvoc746]

Ben Shapiro, first story: "Your father was right to favor your brother over you, because your brother comes up with plans that might make him millions (but probably won't), while you only care for mundane things, like keeping your family's farm going, or saving your mother from death." Ben Shapiro, second story: "Abortion is wrong because you hired your fetus to fight dust mites." Ben Shapiro, third story: "Socialism is wrong because racism." ...One of the greatest minds of the contemporary Right, ladies and gentlemen!

[@Novur]

"I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards."

[@KennyFrierson]

This is some high level cringe

[@DarkRelm22]

You can hear Ben Shapiro in his writing, there is literally no way to separate the author from the writing.

[@RadTrashed]

Damn Ben Shapiro really is fashy that last story was... oof.

[@marcusatiusvirilis7723]

fashy?

[@johnsinclair4621]

Marcus Atius Virilis „kind of fascist“

[@johnsinclair4621]

@tiglath pileser if he is a liberal, why is this last story a slanderous attack on everything liberals actually like? Not that this a fair representation of what they want society to be. The only thing liberal about Shapiro is his belief that the institutions of the state should be neutral. It is only in this regard that he differs from such outright integralist conservative figures as Ahmari.

[@Ubermensch9240]

I still can't believe we can't get this on TV Tropes' So Bad It's Horrible page. :C

[@mantlemoky5744]

As (unfortunately) a US southerner, I am personally offended by the way Ben wrote that first story

[@ramisgoogleacc702]

Lizardfish Dont say unfortunately. Liberal Classism as tricked even the most seemingly progressive leftists into viewing all Southern workers as being backwards and illiterate and inherently reactionary. You aren’t inherently any such thing. Left wing theory helps people like u the most. Be proud of the working class battle you fight and the leftist work in unionizing and labor rights that working class southerners did. Dont let the reactionary portion of your people define u.

[@normtrooper4392]

@@ramisgoogleacc702 southerns are the people who got tricked by the nonsense of conservatism the most. They're the poor people who get dumped on by the corporates who propagandise to them. Some of them are god awful, but generally, they can be good people who would really benefit from class consciousness

[@mantlemoky5744]

Ramis Google acc it’s the people more than anything. Especially in my super conservative and (generally) pretty racist Texas town. I get what you’re saying though

[@liamwilkinson9732]

I'm surprised the brother didn't say a hoe was the murder weapon. Would've been very symbolic of his views on women as both passive objects but also agitating subjects of degenerency

[@guyguy7634]

I think that whole welfare stab party was at how when people look to Nordic countries as a model economy, conservatives will usually reply, “but everyone thinks the same and everyone is practically the same, have different people who don’t agree on issues means it will never work.” Also they will say something like since Denmark is a small country of so only small nations with small populations can pay for welfare. The problem with this line of thinking is, 1) social democracy only works because people are the same, meaning the same race and way of thinking, therefore people from other places would ruin it. Though people might say and think they are being pragmatical and not racist, you can see where this leads to. Also the idea that only small populations can be provided for means large nations like the US can’t have measured of redistribution. Which doesn’t make sense because if you have more people paying into the system and those who are ultra rich pay more, then why can’t you have social services? Ben Shapiro is a hack!

[@magellanicraincloud]

Clearly a minor nitpick but if my brother was given a watch and I was given a knife... He'd be jealous of me.

[@TimbahOnToast]

ayyy he's back with the literary critique. we need to make a conservative book club meet-up

[@wireless3186]

I think the best part about the first story is that Jim’s plow doesn’t work. Jim being in the right rests entirely on his ability to make them money with the plow, and it doesn’t even work.

[@vilentman111]

“I though the money would enough” Shapiro walked so Shakespeare could run

[@ThejollyFrenchman]

"He gets a hunting knife". Gee, I wonder if he's going to stab his brother with it. "He meets a girl" . Gee, I wonder if she's going to run away with his brother. If you can see exactly where a plot point is going the moment it's introduced, maybe it isn't a great plot point. Edit: Turns out his girlfriend didn't run away with the brother, she just married him and started living on the farm. Still, the point is she bangs the brother.

[@HerculeDevantrien]

Ben Shapiro writing a story about people being reduced to the size of ants... I feel like I'm missing a joke here.

[@useroffline9999]

Hercule Devantrien He’s compensating for something, hmmm?

[@tropezando]

Heck yeah, bedtime stories! *settles in* *has disturbing bench appearo nightmares*

[@trafalgarla]

That first story is like the stupid man's violinist argument

[@farhananwar3186]

Panurge *second

[@trafalgarla]

@@farhananwar3186 Yeah I guess I accidentally skipped the first story somehow.

[@juliusbeutler7090]

@@trafalgarla Whats the violinist argument?

[@OrionJA]

@@juliusbeutler7090 PhilosophyTube made a video about abortion in which he discusses a hypothetical scenario in which a famous violinist needs repeated blood transufisions for a year to survive, so a deranged fan kidnaps someone and forces him to give blood.

[@davidclawson4733]

@@OrionJA I really wish "The Human Centipede Argument" was the one used to morally justify abortion.

[@robinvik1]

The sci-fi story reeks of "I have to have three stories to call it a collection, and the deadline is tomorrow!"

[@Advent3546]

3:08 It's a beautiful thing to have Ben Shapiro refer to anyone as miniature

[@thebrutusmars]

Ben googling “synonyms for ‘choice’” so he isn’t technically saying “my body, my choice”

[@AnaledEel]

I desperately want Ben Shapiro to stop “writing,” but these reviews are so good, it’s almost worth it that he tries. 💕

[@rockfrolic6249]

I remember watching a Dennis Prager YTP where he’s edited in order to make him say, “I like big butts and I cannot lie and Ben Shapiro can’t deny.”

[@napoleonbonaparteempereurd4676]

"Trans rights"

[@napoleonbonaparteempereurd4676]

Thats the full qote

[@exquisitecorpse4917]

Why did Shapiro write these stories?? He though the money would enough

[@Aedrion-]

You know. This is inspiring to me. I have so many ideas swimming in my head that I wish to put to paper, but I always fear I won't do them justice, or that what is fantastical in my mind, would be cringe in writing. But if Ben Shapiro can put out schlock *this* horrendously bad without shame - and with so many typos - then why should I feel hesitant to at least try? Right? Thank you, Ben, for putting the bar so low!

[@dogonit1936]

I love how Ben sometimes doesn’t end quotes with quotation marks

[@garydeforve5055]

You have to read them really, really fast to really get their true greatness.

[@billythorpinson4012]

And you have to add "hypothetically" or "let's say" as an introduction to every sentence.

[@hoominbeeing]

Please do MOAR of these! I hunger for conservative cringe reads!

[@rexappleby4731]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/p37KfqVmf8iMgJY

[@hoominbeeing]

@@rexappleby4731 Already seen that one. José should do a cringe read of the Turner Diaries or Camp of the Saints. Those were the worst.

[@hoominbeeing]

Jonathon Hart It's not even the message that's the worst part, it's terribly written too!

[@rebeccalubera146]

i was super confused abt that second story bc a soldier fighting a pointless war being literally consumed by an uncaring rich dude sounds a lot like a capitalism war allegory that ben shapiro would be Very not into

[@JohnSmith-uk6wh]

"From The Pit" is just Ben's way of coping with how short he is

[@ShadowPa1adin]

The premise of "The Pit" sounds like it would make for an excellent Paul Verhoven satire film. Something about the rich and powerful sending the poor off to die in pointless wars for their own agenda.

[@reuteratwork8983]

Yeah, that should totally happen! But, y'know, to make it more interesting, they should set it in space -- & make the bugs bigger -- somebody call Hollywood!

[@razieldumas]

10 years ago: We remember it so you don't have to! Present: We read/watch white nationalist propaganda so you don't have to! Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just weird how things have evolved. Weird in a way that I enjoy.