Romance Movies vs Reality: The 'Spark' Myth

Was everything we were taught about romance by Hollywood wrong? Today I'll be dissecting the concept of a 'soulmate', meeting the one, codependency and more.
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timestamps:
1:30 the spark
8:49 meeting the one
20:00 love is effort
26:25 toxic relationships
34:59 your “other half”
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key words- ignore pls :)
being delulu, delululand, if he wanted to he would tiktok trend, Titanic, The Notebook, Casablanca, Pride and Prejudice, La La Land, Gone with the Wind, Dirty Dancing, Before Sunrise, The Fault in Our Stars, Notting Hill, Pretty Woman, A Walk to Remember, 500 Days of Summer, The Princess Bride, Romeo + Juliet, When Harry Met Sally... The Shape of Water, Silver Linings Playbook, Ghost, Blue Is the Warmest Color, Call Me by Your Name, Amélie, About Time, Crazy, Stupid, Love

[@BriUpton]

Me still waiting for my bookstore meet cute bc I’m so delulu from all these romance films 😂

[@SerenaSkybourne]

honestly i don't blame you because every time i'm in a bookstore I'm like WHERE IS MY MAN

[@BriUpton]

@@SerenaSkybourne literally!! And then every man that shows up is with his girlfriend 😭

[@OzmaOfOzz]

Same😂 then when I actually go to a bookstore, I wear headphones and have this "don't talk to me" attitude 😂

[@Jessica.Shawnte]

see i don’t wanna meet a joe

[@hookedonlove5821]

@BriUpton I feel ya. One that speaks intelligently, is polite and is actually single.

[@andreasunshine8002]

I once heard this great advice when seeing toxic men in movies doing something weird thats portrait as romantic. "Just imagine he was ugly. Would this behaviour still be ok?" ... and it's so true. In movies the men can be toxic af, but as long as they are extremely attractive everything they do is so "cute" - even if it's stalking or threatening to kill themselves

[@oliviapedersen8309]

That’s an issue I have like Hollywood does that on purpose. They will cast an insanely attractive guy and he’s also super toxic like they did that in the vampire diaries with Ian Somerhalder like Damon. Damon is so attractive and I really liked him and Alina together, but that is only because, she cared about Alayna and he was attractive if he wasn’t attractive I’m pretty sure all the other undesirable qualities that he has would’ve pushed their self to like the front of his character and then, despite the fact that he loved him really cared about Alayna everything else that he’s done that’s bad would not like outweigh that and we would not want them together because that’s an insanely popular ship. I ship it to, but if he wasn’t cute, no one would want them together

[@OzmaOfOzz]

That's a good point. I actually think the notebook portrays such a toxic relationship, I wouldn't want that in my life. But because it's Ryan Goslin, it flies under the radar.

[@CEWIII9873]

and? women still get with these men. In fact, sometimes they even accord them the highest honor: having their children.

[@semapeker2426]

@@CEWIII9873 Still doesn't justify and make this issue an okay thing.

[@CEWIII9873]

@@semapeker2426 women LOVE bad boys stop living in denial

[@jaimecardona92]

As someone who had terrible examples of love irl, movies and TV did shape my expectations when I was young. Two movies that helped me grow are eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and blue Valentine. One taught me that everyone is messed up, finding "the one" isn't going to fix you. Even if you see them as perfect they have their own problems. The other taught me that even if you meet, fall in love, and have a family together that love isn't always forever. Change is inevitable, especially when it comes to how people feel.

[@neigeepierrot4694]

I’m glad you worked through that experience and I agree the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind is awesome

[@CEWIII9873]

agreed as one grows older, they realize our short lives are a blessing...

[@daisydaisy0121]

This video hits hard and it's an important topic, i'm here for it! I grew up in a home where my parents did not teach me about boundaries, whatsoever; my mom didn't really talk about love or relationships so what I learned about love came from my high school peers, tv shows (Gilmore Girls!), and films, specifically my mom's huge collection of rom-coms. This might sound drastic but, the Notebook, for example, is an awful film to put in the hands of a teenager. It came out when I was a teen & absolutely warped my understanding of what healthy love looks like! Today, I just see red flags all over Noah, ok... (Very codependent. No means NO, not try harder. Men who are safe to be around can *understand boundaries.* ) After 15 yrs of abuse I see how putting these love-bomb, die-hard relationships on a pedestal is so hazardous. Safe, positive relationships do not develop or operate in that way, however, manipulators DO. That kind of content has such impact. I hope we see romance films become more nuanced and honest as time progresses

[@CEWIII9873]

Well You are correct, and I hope you are coming out of this because you have demonstrated introspection. It is simple and ancient, but the secret is to have a good relationship with yourself first, and be your own best company. Good people attract other good people. Good luck.

[@boobabyboo2]

This is such a good topic. I definitely can say Hollywood messed up my view of relationships and love growing up and now, at 31, I have little to no desire to even be bothered with real life romantic relationships because it’s just a waste of time and in reality, people generally suck 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@angelaholmes8888]

Totally agree with you

[@CEWIII9873]

sure but are you okay with making it all the way to the end without anyone else? I am not trying to frighten you - I am merely pointing out a potentiality. Otherwise, if you want to marry, have children and etc, then you need to get out and work very hard to do so good luck

[@happytofu5]

I was actually super mad at Rose from Titanic as a kid. She says that she never loved someone as much as Jack again. That woman married and had kids! And she never felt love for any of them as much as for a guy she briefly met? I felt like she betrayed all of her loved ones.

[@CEWIII9873]

alpha widow like Jada Pinkett Smith

[@YamiBlake]

"She's the one who can soothe him and make him feel better. .. No, like, he needs to go to therapy." Loving the blunt honesty xD like, YES!!! This is so true!

[@LadyQAB]

It might be delulu to fantasy that the love of your life will just appear, while not leaving your house. But dang it would be so nice if things were to happen that way.

[@OzmaOfOzz]

It would be marvellous, but like.. I don't want him Knockin on my door cause I look like a disaster when I'm at home😂 I may or may not wear a mustard stained t-shirt 😂

[@DrIdaho]

Great video. Your commentary reminds me of '500 Days of Summer' and 'Don Jon'. Both movies make fun of movies that encourage unrealistic expectations in relationships.

[@IshtarNike]

The vast majority of romance films, up until VERY recently, depict extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics. They especially encourage abusive behaviour by framing it as romantic. It's deeply fucked up and has probably done untold damage.

[@oliviapedersen8309]

I read a lot of books like that where the main love interest is like super dark and very morally Grey and can be a bad person. I’m just very happy. I know that those are based in fantasy and that that is not a realistic expectation that anyone should strive for, and it does happen, but it also helps me notice red flags a lot more because as much as I romanticize the relationship in the book, I also know at the same time that it’s not healthy. The sense that happen a lot with me even if like the main character isn’t a bad person he’s still like there’s books I read where she has three love interests, and she ends up with all three of them, it’s like a reverse harem story but my favorite it is always the guy who is the meanest to her and the one who’s the nicest I really don’t like I like the one who is in the middle and the one who’s the meanest and I don’t know what it is, but it just he always appeals to me. That’s the only one that honestly makes me nervous like the mafia story is where the guy is a bad person I never worry about those because I know that that’s only a situation that should happen in books and never in real life but when the guy is like not a bad person, he’s just kind of mean and I still like him the most it doesn’t make me kind of worried that I’m gonna seek that out so far I haven’t because I know that it’s wrong but it does scare me that I have that attraction there

[@CEWIII9873]

meh I think people do not look at the person in the mirror and try to make them the best version of themselves. Instead, they base their value on what other people think of them...

[@koffeekira]

The idea of a soulmate, the one person that you're meant to be with, is very romantic and it's also incredibly and deeply depressing. The thought of there only being ONE person for me, my "other half" and if I don't find them, tough luck I guess I'll have to be half a person all my life and then die alone, that's so depressing and discouraging.

[@oliviapedersen8309]

I believe that soulmates are real but I don’t think it’s always in a romantic sense. I think you can have like platonic soulmates like it’s very similar to something that happened in friends like Phoebe told Monica oh, I think I found your soulmate, and she was already either dating or married to Chandler and she has so much in common with this guy and they would’ve been perfect if they dated because they had like so much in common and agreed on so much but I think there’s some people who you can get along with them that way that you’re not meant to be with romantically so I think I’m looking for a soulmate is fine as long as you don’t reject other romantic prospects, because your soulmate might be able to tonics soulmate who is your soulmate but he’s a friend and not a romantic interest like it’s fine to look for them you just can’t have tunnel vision

[@OzmaOfOzz]

I remember a scene from sex and the city where the girls were debating this exact same idea. That if you don't meet your soulmate, they're gonna slip away 😂

[@CEWIII9873]

nope you already have your "soulmate" the person in the mirror try and be the best version of yourself and live a good life good people will seek you out good luck

[@tarabesque3328]

It also sucks how people treat you like you're a bad person if you aren't 100% sure right from the jump. Like if you show interest in someone and it doesnt pan out then you're an asshole or a "gaslighter", which is so dumb with like dating apps and stuff bc meeting up w someone is perceived as interest instead of what it should be -- curiosity

[@SerenaSkybourne]

I’m sick of this too… There’s so much pressure to rush into something with a literal stranger

[@CEWIII9873]

agreed as I have grown older, I understand there is a reason for "the dance," because it allows each person a chance to approach the relationship at a comfortable pace and observe the other person...

[@itscherylplayz8925]

*Me sees the Notebook a movie I despise and I’ll know I’ll go on a rant about* All I’m going to say is it’s only “good” because of Rachel and Ryan’s acting and their chemistry.

[@BriUpton]

I also really agree with your comment about looking for superficial things when dating, such as height! I've heard a lot of my friends say they wouldn't date someone shorter than them which I can understand, but I also think that if you truly liked someone then you wouldn't care how tall they are and it wouldn't matter. The way that dating has been set up in today's society makes it so hard to meet people because it feels like there are so many strict expectations based on such little things like that.

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Society cares about all the wrong things for real… and looks fade anyway or they could physically change as they age so you need a bit more to go on than height…

[@IshtarNike]

Yep. Strict expectations combined with a "no rules just do what you want, we're liberated people!" Mantra which is confusing and annoying. It's no wonder some people incorrectly think things were better back in the day with match makers and shot gun weddings. There was one script and you just followed it. It may appear at least a little less confusing than having a dozen physical, political and social expectations but constantly being told that there's "no script!"

[@sighswoons]

I have tons of girlfriends who say stuff like "I don't want to date any man below 6 feet" - def a real thing. It's wild to write someone off like that before even engaging in conversation. This applies to other beauty characteristics too.

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@sighswoonsto me it feels like a way of avoiding intimacy by finding all these reasons not to date someone that aren’t even rational

[@madelinevlogs5898]

I’ve also seen many women on tiktok who refuse to date anyone younger then them. I understand not being into age gaps, but some of these women are saying the guy can’t even be 1 or 2 years younger. .

[@BellesView]

Yes!!!! They made me believe Katherine Heigl rom-coms and Bride Wars is how to find love.

[@CEWIII9873]

Is social media better?

[@kendrazamorano1381]

When I first saw my partner I thought he was soooooo cute and told my friends about him right away. But I knew I didn't know him at all or if I would like who he is. Took a almost 11 months of being friends to even know if I liked him enough to pursue a romantic relationship.

[@carriesnaps3508]

My biggest "ick" is definitely [some] young women believing that healthy relationships are inherently "boring" and that true passion mostly comes from tumultuous, mentally draining relationships with an immature (often abusive) man child. I can't fully blame them, because the media has always pushed these type of dynamics the most, but it's still disappointing to see. Worst when it's irresponsibly perpetuated by grown female writers.

[@CEWIII9873]

drama sells...hence the media created based upon this an old couple being together for 70 years is only interesting at the finish line, not so much all the boring life they go through to get there, although the talent of a good writer would be to make this journey interesting...

[@thatqueenG]

cough cough *Colleen Hoover*

[@strawberryh3ntai995]

It's a good day when Serena posts 🙏🙏

[@SerenaSkybourne]

🥰🥰

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

I do believe in soul mates and true love, but not in the love at first kind of way. I believe your soul mate turns into your true love. I like how when the right person comes into your life and shares your values, beliefs, and interests, but still brings something different from you as well as make you happy starts out as a soulmate and gradually becomes your true love, but that is the romantic/idealist in me. I just hate how many jerks we have to weed through to find this person.

[@CEWIII9873]

most people are "jerks"

[@oliviapedersen8309]

I read a lot of romance novels and watch a lot of romantic comedies, and one of my friends kept calling me a hopeless, romantic just because of that, and I find that really offensive because I think people underestimate the amount of people who love romance stories, but are not out of touch with reality because I am very in touch with reality. I know nothing that happens in the Romans novels is ever going to happen to me and if it does, that would be an insane like one in 1 million chance I know that it’s unlikely like incredibly unlikely, but I can love those stories and still be able to be realistic and I’m so happy that I am able to be realistic cause I know I would be so much more limited in my romantic endeavors if I only stuck to a guy that like met my wildest fantasy like I have a type and I have an ideal man in my mind, but if someone doesn’t need that that’s OK because that’s near impossible.

[@oliviapedersen8309]

I read a lot of romance novels and watch a lot of romantic comedies and other romance movies but I am so happy that I am not a hopeless, romantic and there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic. I’m just glad that I’m able to be more realistic with expectations because that can be hard but one thing that gets on my nerves, I’ve been flirting with guys before and sometimes they will say while we are talking that they think I’m a hopeless, romantic or they’ll ask if I’m a hopeless romantic and when I say I’m not a hopeless romantic sometimes love you like oh I think you are, and you just don’t want to like admit it, but they’re also very in to someone being a hopeless, romantic I will stop talking to that person because I know that might be an overreaction but in my mind they are calling me delusional and I feel like that’s the way they want to try to control me anyways, I feel like if someone’s a homeless, romantic, and you meet all of their expectations And go like above and beyond they will never wanna leave you, so I always get the vibe from these guys that they are purposefully looking for a girl who is a hopeless romantic so when he goes above and beyond this person will be like oh I can stop looking and no matter what happens they will stay with that person because at one point or another they were amazing and catering to the idea of being the boyfriend of a hopeless, romantic

[@YarnGeek]

My favorite trope is friends to lovers because it’s more believable that they took the time to get to know each other. I have seen some people say some friends to lovers couples have no romantic chemistry but it feels like they say that because they didn’t fall in love at first sight. Like if you don’t have attraction at first meeting it will never happen.

[@CEWIII9873]

agreed the simple truth is long-term relationships are filled with boring and mundane, and one has to enjoy the other person even in these moments

[@angelaholmes8888]

Absolutely yes Hollywood has romance movies are a lie like films Pretty woman and the notebook Noah and ali relationship to me is toxic that's why I haven't watched that film in years now that I'm an adult I realize that

[@noaffiliation-x8w]

The most toxic relationship I had was with a girl who absolutely obsessed over the idea of “tragic love”. She would constantly stonewall me and just do really toxic things that would Inconvenience the process of furthering the relationship, like the entire idea of us constantly fighting, saying we will never talk to eachother and inevitably coming back to eachother because we love eachother so much. Fucked me up so hard

[@CEWIII9873]

meh then care even less about the relationship then she does this way you will have control and always be ready to walk away and go no contact

[@frizzyrascal1493]

@@CEWIII9873ok stoic alpha red pill bro.

[@CEWIII9873]

@@frizzyrascal1493 better than being a slmp like you

[@nocte.animam]

Have you done an enemies to lovers video? Like breaking down the tropes and toxicities, etc. You'd be great at that! ❤

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Not yet!😍

[@SarahHalina]

I agree completely. I love that you brought up the thing with movies/shows telling us that you can play hard to get and they'll keep trying. It's so wrong. As people, we should be respecting other people's boundaries. We want someone who will respect our boundaries, but also think playing hard to get will get us our person. It's a contradictory statement because by saying no to a date, you are essentially telling that person that you are not interested and they will probably give up and respect your boundaries. And if someone is not going to respect your boundaries when you tell them no, that's not exactly the type of person you want to be with anyway because what else are they going to force you to do (I'm not saying don't try new things, I'm more referring to forcing you to be intimate with them because it's what they want and if they push hard enough, you'll want it too). Not only has Hollywood given us an unrealistic expectation of what love is and how to find it, but they've also created potentially dangerous situations to be in. I think it's important for parents/guardians to teach us when we're young that this isn't exactly the way real life works (especially if we are watching this type of content). It's what we need to know when we start entering the having crushes/dating scene. Especially if it's your first real-world experience with romance and the idea of it. What is healthy/normal and what is not. We as young people entering this phase of life have no concept of it aside from these movies/shows whereas the adults in our lives have had more real-world experience and have a better understanding that life is not a rom-com, so help them out by telling them that love isn't always instant, It's not okay to keep pushing someone to be with you, The person you're with may not be the one you're supposed to end up marrying in the future, etc. Movies/shows should not be our teachers when it comes to romance and honestly they shouldn't have to be. It should be the adults in our lives. It's okay to watch these movies/shows. It's okay to love them. It's not okay to believe everything they're showing you is accurate.

[@liallialcroc]

my grandparents got married 2 weeks after they met and ended up getting divorced, shes a lesbian now, go granny

[@OzmaOfOzz]

WHAT! for real?

[@liallialcroc]

@@OzmaOfOzz yes im entirely serious

[@sherlockholmes4059]

After what happened to Simon in Bridgerton Season 1. I don’t know how they could pull the „They stay together and have a child-card“. If it was realistic he would have sent her as far away as he could and then he would have a therapy session with his boxing-buddy who would tell him that he‘s not at fault for what she did to him and that he deserves better. He never contacts her again, heals his inner wounds caused by her also his father, lives his happiest life filled with friendship, hobbies furthermore some kittens. And one day she dies of Typhus… ✨THE END✨( that I wanted)

[@Shaylovespopeye]

You need to watch dear John again they don’t end up together savannah and John i love you thank you for your video please keep making videos

[@angelaholmes8888]

Would you ever do a video on the tv series sex and the city you definitely should that show has so many things to discuss

[@OzmaOfOzz]

YES!!!! omg she would have so many things to say, I know she would!! Hope she sees this comment!

[@CEWIII9873]

what did you think of the series finale?

[@angelaholmes8888]

@@CEWIII9873 it was nice but I didn't like how the show deviated from what they're message that you don't need to be in a relationship to have happiness carrie to me should had remained single

[@CEWIII9873]

@@angelaholmes8888 yup It seemed (from what I heard) they were trying to please everyone by rushing a wedding with Mr. Big at the very end...

[@eeveequeen25]

Agree with you on every point, I can't believe more people aren't discussing these things. Love your quality content!!! ❤

[@jijiian]

I'm only a few minutes in. I already love this. My personal opinion is that physical attraction and personality draw you in, then if you get along and have similar goals and values you start to love them, then you CHOOSE to keep loving them. Neither of you are the same as when you started dating, growing with each other is a choice that you nurture. I've never really seen that in a movie. Movies don't go farther than the initial infatuation and giddiness and act like that's how you'll always feel. (I'd been acquainted with my husband since we were kids but had no clue we'd get together until we were 18.)

[@jasmyneperryman9629]

Love binging your videos it makes me feel like I'm not the only one who has these same opinions 🤔 🙂

[@SerenaSkybourne]

I adore you

[@SerenaSkybourne]

What's your least favourite piece of dating advice you've heard through movies or social media?

[@SerenaSkybourne]

For me, it was the whole "if he wanted to, he would" narrative on social media because it's so simplistic and generalised

[@cream9756]

"If he can't handle me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best" I feel like this attitude became an excuse to be an asshole when you feel like it instead of working on your flaws

[@andreasunshine8002]

You should have sex on the 3rd date. I hate this rule 😅

[@sherlockholmes4059]

Ignore the person’s no..

[@SerenaSkybourne]

@@cream9756yeah that’s so ridiculous

[@Blue_Grass_Girl]

Falling in lust instantly, does happen. I think too many people confuse lust with love. Not blaming anyone, they can feel very similar.

[@christinelee6477]

Yeah the media def portrays love as something that just “falls into your lap” without the girl trying. It’s incredibly unrealistic and gives girls (including me while I was growing up) false expectations. It’s ridiculous when irl it’s mostly creepy or inappropriate guys that actually have the guts to approach women these days. Ppl are too cowardly to actually approach and talk to one another. And women are always taught that the man has to approach them.

[@camc1474]

LOVE your videos!! My best friend and I talk about this together a lot. Growing up we would watch a rom com at every sleepover together. Now she's married and will still admit those movies "ruined her". I struggle with managing high expectations in my relationship as well. My boyfriend is a great partner and shows me every day how much he loves me. Still, I find days when I'm internally disappointed in him because he doesn't always match up with what I expect out of a boyfriend (expectations I've been fed through romance movies)! I have to remind myself that even though he doesn't wax poetic about his deep love for me, he still does a plethora other sweet things to express how much I matter to him. No real person can ever measure up to Mr. Darcy or Edward Cullen! It's an unfortunate truth that I'm still coping with. LOL

[@junaid_transformations]

This was such a refreshing video to watch and much needed :)

[@violetbrown4751]

Heyy, i'm here early 🎉

[@SerenaSkybourne]

congratsss you're first!

[@taejasper1343]

This video is so good, Serena! I can't believe it, we all thought that our "one true love" would just randomly come to us and it's crazy to even think this by watching all those romance movies and shit, like it's not going to happen and we all need to just get real and be honest with ourselves already! It's just not going to happen the way we think it's going to all the time and we need to accept that already instead of trying to deny it in fear of the fantasy never coming true! It's reality calling and it's time to get back to it! Thanks for covering this topic, girl! It isn't covered enough by people on this platform, so hopefully we can change that because I think that this is really important to talk about 'cause it shows just how delusional movies and TV have made us about romance and we really don't know all that much the way we think we do about it! And it's pretty scary, 'cause in the future we could all end up alone never being able to find the right person if we listen to romantic comedy movies all the time instead of just getting some dating tips from a friend or a professional!

[@LadyQAB]

I would like a guy to ask me out. I (28F) have never been asked out by a man however that didn't stop me from asking many a man out myself. Yes I fell on my face a lot but if you don't try you can't win. I would've rather tried and failed than not tried at all. But for once I would like someone to ask me out, after all my attempts I want someone to risk it with me

[@KateBrod]

Sometimes, even years are not enough. I was friends for 7 years with my ex before I dated him. Within 2 weeks of dating, he showed me he was an emotionally abusive and controlling guy. He tried to get me to quit my job, quit university, move in with him and cut all ties with my friends and family. You can bet the next step was to get me pregnant to ensure I would be trapped for good. To say I never saw it coming would be an understatement. Usually, when I start dating someone, I have them meet my friends so they can screen him for possible red flags I can't see and NO ONE saw this coming at all because he was that good at hiding his true colors from everyone.

[@CEWIII9873]

I hope this unfortunate experience has not discouraged you from dating as this also happened to my wife before we met.

[@KateBrod]

@@CEWIII9873 don't worry, it hadn't discouraged me from dating. I've been with my partner for almost 4 years and we actually got engaged back in October.

[@loveart429]

so true what you say about it taking time to get to know someone

[@SerenaSkybourne]

☺️

[@DFarbklecks]

I agree with you mostly but honestly sometimes I live for the fantasy. It's fun to think about BUT I know it's not real and it shouldn't be treated in movies as if it was real. The only point I'll disagree with you on is Crazy Stupid Love because I love that movie to death. I actually like how she shoots him down at the bar. I don't feel like it's supposed to be romantic or even okay. When she later goes back to find him she knows exactly what she wants. A one night stand. Doesn't matter if it's a good or bad decision, it is her decision. That they end up connecting comes later once he takes her home. I guess the movie doesn't really reckon with his player behaviour earlier on in the movie and there's the whole "guy changes for the girl" thing but dang it I just like that film!

[@abbyabroad]

Dear Shandy (Sharleen Joynt) & Mended Light/Cinema Therapy are how I am learning what real healthy relationships should look like!

[@Tracey-s2y]

So true and Alwatys fighting for a long time and forgive eachther

[@snigeling]

Great video, find myself thinking the same.

[@blahxblahxblah100]

lol was the spark a nod to the wrter of all these stories?

[@SerenaSkybourne]

It was actually a mistake but I like your idea better

[@Esmeralda2diamon]

I’m so shy so find dating really difficult. I have only had two relationships in my life and both of them were short. So I have never experienced a long serious relationship. Sometimes I get jealous of the relationships in romance movies. ❤

[@CEWIII9873]

life is short youth is even shorter if you want a relationship with someone else, then pursue a good relationship with yourself first and then put yourself out there. Climbing a mountain is difficult, but one must begin at the base sometime...

[@skybln3163]

The spark IS real! Don’t settle for less! But the spark has nothing to do with fancy restaurants or gucci handbags. If you feel the spark with them just sitting in the car talking and listening to the radio - that’s it. 💯

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Beautiful

[@loveart429]

i love this video!

[@jazza724]

Slay

[@carriecarebear]

While I agree that movies have created the illusion that "insta love" is common even though there are so many people who only fall in love when they get to know the other person, one should always take into consideration that for some people it's like in the movies. I am not saying that it is the "right" way or the best kind of love. Nope, not saying that. But I, for example, am 33 and have only experienced insta love and insta attraction. When I meet a man, i either feel this insane instant attraction and instant pull or I never feel anything romantically for this man. Last year I met my current boyfriend. I fell in love with him the second I saw him. We met at work when we had our first meeting. He entered the room and boom - even before he said a word, I felt this insane attraction, pull and yeah, I fell for him right then and there. For him, it was the same (according to him). I just want to say: people shouldn't believe that love always means instant attraction and instant love; for some people there is only a small spark or no spark at all in the beginning and love for them is built gradually. But there also people who are instantly in love and this love get's stronger with each day. No love is better than the other or stronger than the other. Your relationship isn't better and more secure if you felt instant love or if you only fell in love after a couple of months. The beautiful thing about love is that it is as diverse and different as the people involved 😀 just know in which category you fall and be open for the other category

[@abbyabroad]

For me, intense chemistry was based on my family of origin issues & trauma. I had to train myself to appreciate healthy (or at least healthier) individuals... if your love map is healthy though, more power to you! But for some of us, it ends in abuse and toxicity 😅

[@CEWIII9873]

I respect you know this about yourself Do you intend to marry and have children?

[@kaiwancallender2761]

Toxic love is great

[@CEWIII9873]

...in bed!

[@zachharris3040]

I'm gonna turn a lot of people off by saying this but I imagine you are coming from a place of having romantic options. Most men don't have many options or at least that many options. So, imo you are speaking from a very privileged place. Romcoms aren't realistic and they romanticize relationships but I think society is worse than these romantic movies. In these movies you usually have people opening themselves up to love and having meet cutes and all sorts of other crap. In real life, people are closed off as hell and usually just want attention or end up meeting future partners through friends or work. It's the law propinquinty, where a large percentage of people find partners based on convenience. If they meet people through friends, even if the friens doesn't really know the person all that well, it gives the person social value. Same as when you work with someone. It gives them social value. And that is just the laziest, least vulnerable way to meet others. I use to start conversations with people all the time in public places. A lot of the time it would be awkward or be extremely tough to get a conversation going because people are just so closed off. And I wouldn't want to force anything so if after a few minutes of getting little openness to talk and joke and whatnot in return, I would just bye to the person and thatbit was nice meeting them or something along those lines. And online dating is not good for men's self value or self esteem. Bumble will give you your swipe stats and they tend to be around 10 matches for every 20000 swipes. At least mine were. And I'm not a totally horrific dude. So yeah, online dating depends on men for money but really only serves women. These movies are not the problem. They are unrealistic but they are waaaay better than how people in real life operate.

[@SerenaSkybourne]

This is a very interesting comment, and I agree actually because the point of my video is that real life is a lot harder or more complicated than these movies portray. And yes, I’m speaking as a woman with some romantic options and so my perspective is limited to that. However, I have to say that dating apps didn’t serve me whatsoever lmaooo 😂 Although yes you’re correct that statistically there’s way more men on dating apps and they find it hard to get matches

[@CEWIII9873]

My friend First - use paragraphs to demonstrate you know how to effectively organize your thoughts. Second - do not whine; instead, try and be the best version of yourself so that you are own best company. You should be so busy pursuing your best life that relationships are a serious opportunity cost. Good luck

[@IchibanOjousama]

False. When you date, you ditch all other friends. At least most 99% people do.

[@CEWIII9873]

a healthy balance should be sought

[@marinalikethesinger]

i definitely think though that being overly picky because of unrealistic standards is better than passing off red flags as “i can change him” or “he’s just a tortured soul” because the most harm you could do yourself by being unreasonable is not finding a partner as opposed to getting into a really unhealthy relationship or even an abusive one and thinking it’s okay

[@gravity-arbor]

haha the editor at 22:35 :) "that might be the reason I am still single" @geokuromi

[@SerenaSkybourne]

Relatable 😂

[@caitlynl7213]

its all misogyny 🥲

[@SerenaSkybourne]

It’s crazy how so many of these things I’ve mentioned stem inherently from misogyny and society trying to push that we need to value what men think of us above all else

[@CEWIII9873]

@@SerenaSkybourne I guess, so I believe both perspectives have value and should balance. Women are free to pursue whatever life they want, and they are not REQUIRED to conform to societal expectations, and instead CHOOSE to do so of their own free will. HOWEVER If they desire marriage with a man and children, then women are going to have learn what men are, what they want and what satisfies them...and there is nothing wrong with this.

[@CEWIII9873]

it is all misandry