r/AITA for Ruining My STUPID Daughter's Future?

[@kristhebrownie]

Even if the daughter isn't as smart, she worked damn hard to get accepted into Cambridge. It is far more important to work hard to succeed in college than it is to be smart.

[@naughti_penguin2340]

My thoughts exactly.

[@bland9876]

I had to work way harder than my straight A sister and i could barely make B's/C's so no grades are not a good indicator of work ethic which should also be rewarded.

[@Luka-xe4gf]

Dude Cambridge accepting her was a dream come true, I WOULD KILL TO GO TO CAMBRIDGE.

[@aliciacaples335]

got to love how he says foreign degree as if Cambridge isn't the third oldest Univerty in continues operation and one of the most famous like my dud do you understand how hard it is to get into Cambridge your daughter must have shown some really impressive work ethic and intrest for them to accept her the brightest kids at my Sixth form were talking A* in a levels who applied didnt all get in.

[@jarastar6499]

Dude is sexist and a nationalist idiot. He doesn’t even know that Cambridge is one of the best schools on planet earth and one of the hardest to get into. Has this dude ever had a history class in his life? That “foreign degree” would be worth more than any American public school degree

[@Hybrid301]

Pretty sure the only reason they sister and husband divorced in the first story was one of those sad situations where two loving people divorce to either avoid leaving a spouse with crippling medical debt; or make it so the injured party can qualify for some type of care or coverage.

[@voutsider190]

You're a good person to say that. Good for you, and I agree

[@ginabell694]

Yeah my grandparents were told to do that in order for my grandpa to qualify for disability when he had cancer.

[@GiordanDiodato]

​@@ginabell694 that's messed up

[@Hybrid301]

@@GiordanDiodato welcome to the health care system.

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

My grandpas way past retirement age and had to consider that when Nan went to a home. He picked up more work instead which is sorta okay cuz he has his own business. But medical debt is so dumb.

[@sjrmac3]

Story 2: rslash didn't comment on this, but I'm fairly sure that he sees both his children as financial property, due to the fact that the son 'was *supposed* to major in computer sciences, but failed a bunch of classes and changed his major to something less lucrative.' This just goes to show that he values his money more than his children. I'd give him at least 3 out of 5 bad guys.

[@HumbleWooper]

I'd put pretty good odds on him not having much saved for retirement, because he expects his kids to take care of him in his old age. Probably plans to move in with whichever has a better home situation when the time comes, and/or they pay for his nursing home costs. And he likely either hasn't mentioned this to them at all because he assumes it's a given... or he brings it up a lot, to guilt trip them for how much they owe him for raising them and paying for their schooling.

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

Did you notice that he used the word INVESTMENT when referring to his son's degree?

[@digifreak90]

@@ImNotaRussianBot Oh yeah, I noticed the use of the word investment.

[@spydersoup8447]

Yeah, that proves my point about how OP failed to understand that sometimes when their kids head out to school or work, they can come out as a completely different person from what they originally were and also that OP sees his son's mistakes as collage being a bad thing rather than his son failing at it because it turned out collage wasn't for him.

[@Evil409]

The thing about that wedding song story is the sister probably does really wanna go to OP's wedding, but with their chosen song, she'd probably end up crying like you imagined she would. This would very likely result in OP getting mad at her because "you're hogging the spotlight on MY big day!" or some other crap. She's such a horrible person to her sister

[@peyton1296]

Story 2: There are a lot of problems with this story but I think the biggest one is how OP treated his kids like investments not people. “He’s always been the brighter one” that sentence just shows he believes his son was a better investment. The sexism point may have been a stretch if we believe my last sentence is true. The way the story was written shows he only is interested in how much money they will make not if they are going to be happy or not. That just makes me angry. Things happen, you change majors, and you grow up. It’s almost expected when you go to college.

[@GeneralBumpkis]

Right. I keep reading everyone saying how the son “failed”. He failed in his father’s eyes obviously, but just because he chose a less lucrative career path doesn’t mean the kid failed. He probably just realized that he’d be happier doing something else, and that the bigger paycheck wouldn’t make up for being miserable in his career. I feel bad for both kids in this scenario.

[@karenturner9423]

I agree. Our kid changed majors in college and that (imo) what college is about - finding your calling.

[@georgeromo3506]

Yeah I agree with you, The whole sexism thing is definitely a stretch.

[@bryn1063]

May not be. We just gotta hear it from the daughter. Was he always seen as the smartest? Or the "favorite" maybe? So he was more focused on his son? Idk. He could just be dumb but it wouldn't be surprising if he was.

[@strawberrysoulforever8336]

Also, if the daughter learned to push herself in the last few years, she's actually more likely to succeed at college because she's already learned how to push herself. My guess is the son failed some of his classes because he didn't need to work as hard as his sister and slacked too much. This dad is basically saying "You're not smart enough to pass college, so I'm not going to help you try."

[@CellarSinger]

With a sister and the song, it's possible to sister divorced her husband because of disability payment restrictions. It is not unheard of

[@voutsider190]

I never thought of that

[@kal-muzel875]

Heard of the same story before and the comments mentioned how ops response mentioned that as the reason, that's mainly why they did it

[@Nerobyrne]

Because it's not enough that the US healthcare system is the least efficient in the entire world, it also has to destroy families. It really is difficult to overstate just how bad the healthcare system is. Literally not having one would be better, because it would save the state over 1.5 trillion dollars each year.

[@ginabell694]

I was gonna point that out to anyone who might ask. My grandpa died of cancer. In order to get on disability he and grandma, who were married for like 40something yrs, were told to get a divorce. Cuz their combined income was too much to qualify. The person actually said "it's only on paper" ugh

[@fdm2155]

Exactly what I thought. It was likely a financial decision.

[@jenniferann7212]

Story #3: If the OP is determined to stay with her husband, she should never do another single thing for his birthday--not even wish him a happy day. If he complains, she should just remind him what he said to her: he's an adult and birthdays don't matter after 21.

[@RunicSigils]

Actually she should correct him further: birthdays don't matter. I celebrate the birthday of no one. I don't even remember when it's mine unless someone who thinks it matters and knows says it. It's just another day, it's not special.

[@abiean222]

@@RunicSigils yeah, but you gotta celebrate kids' birthdays.

[@natkatmac]

That's probably exactly what he wants though. He sounds like one of those types who view *any* celebration as "too much effort."

[@angelamurray2725]

I know someone whose husband never does anything for his wife or family, she works, does everything in and outside the house. After 38 years. She does complain but only to us. Put him outside and change the locks.

[@renammartinez]

OP: "don't want this to ruin my marriage" Me (mentally): "sounds like your marriage is pre-ruined" Rslash: "what marriage?" Me: "yea that sums it up best"

[@giggle_snort]

I think he deserved the full 5 out of 5 honestly. Despicable and pathetic excuse of a man.

[@spydersoup8447]

Yeah, I wish OP realising that her marriage is already ruined to begin with, not by her, but by the lazy terrible man she calls a husband.

[@CricketsWorldJC]

The story about the bad husband: Him leaving the house in a mess wasn't because he couldn't handle it. He chose not to clean up after himself and the kids. If by some chance he couldn't handle it, it's because he left everything up to the wife to handle.

[@healingthroughchrist1988]

The fact that he went home to Mommy as soon as his wife returned indicates how immature he is.

[@GoingSwimmingly]

@@healingthroughchrist1988Also how petty he can be, to make his kids suffer because of an argument between adults. He could’ve taken his kids to a hotel, he could’ve hired help in that weekend, but nooooo we arguing and the kids don’t matter in this >:(

[@balazsfoldes4700]

Okay, I don't see this opinion: He IS the AH for not being supportive. But she is also an AH for taking the incorrect action to remedy the problem. My guess is she is not a confrontational person, so she basically shied away from a fight and taking this issue to its conclusion. Instead of arriving at an agreement and seeing eye to eye in a matter concerning the two of them, she simply went behind her spouse's back. If you leave the argument unfinished, you forfeit your right to go through with the plan your spouse didn't agree to.This is a decision that concerns both of them, and those should always be taken together, regardless of who is right or wrong. You know, "Speak now, or forever hold your peace". It's possible that the man is unwilling to work with his wife, in which case there's no point in staying married. (I would also consider that negligence of spousal duty / infidelity). Example: Holiday booking. Husband wants to go hiking, wife wants to go to the beach. She feels tired, and doesn't want to go hiking. Perfectly justified position. So what she does is instead of settling the debate with her husband, she books the holiday for the beach without his consent or knowledge. Yes, the husband is inconsiderate for not taking her point of view into account, but she is also in the wrong. Same with other forms of infidelity. If she neglects his needs (e.g.: no sex) then he's not justified in cheating to remedy the problem.

[@balazsfoldes4700]

Or even better example: If your spouse takes out a credit card for excess spending, that is a stupid, irresponsible, reckless decision that absolutely concerns you, can be considered financial infidelity and grounds for divorce. But you don't have the right to single-handedly cancel that card in their name regardless if the debt would be shared by both of you in bankruptcy.

[@Kitalenex]

Story 4: husband is doing her a favor by packing a bag and leaving for his mothers. Means she doesn't have to go through the effort of kicking him out herself. I think she should tell him to not bother coming back. At least then she has 1 less baby to look after. Edit: Just to note that those sound like top tier friends. Keep them forever.

[@bibigamer502]

Rslash was partly wrong on the trash part the “husband is good at taking the trash out but the the only trash he can take out is himself

[@guildmasterguy5070]

Story 4: OP left after the kids were asleep, so it’s not like the husband would have to worry. OP was gone for a SINGLE NIGHT and the husband started cursing her out. Worse still, after the day the friends planned for OP, she comes back to the place being trashed and her husband already packed to leave. Man spent more effort packing his bag than taking care of the space that OP is maintaining literally every day.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

Something tells me he made sure the house was as messy as possible to spite her

[@LilDevyl17]

@@radhiadeedou8286 Either that or he finally found out that it's not "An easy job" to take care of the kids and then went, "I can't take this anymore!" Then packed everything up and left everything for OP to do, b/c clearly she's the one that "Cleans up all the messes" included the ones that the husband makes.

[@AIBot929]

​@@radhiadeedou8286 I suspect he did and she would be better off with out him if that's how he handles situations where he doesn't get his way

[@wolfwolfenangelo3650]

She did the same she left a note who does that it’s 2023 I feel sorry for the children that have to deal with teenage parents what I would’ve done Is talk to him before I left what would’ve happened if a fire happened and this lazy bum stayed asleep what I don’t get why involve children in this problem when you’re married at least talk things without notice she clearly had a phone to be able to at least do that

[@sleepyearth]

@@wolfwolfenangelo3650 The house was clean before she left. What kinda man do this on purpose and packed his bag to leave just because he was discovered to have fake his illness.

[@eileenheath1968]

Story 2: Cambridge is usually judgey against foreigners AND females. The fact she got accepted is AMAZING.

[@Lily-pe8ml]

I don't know about the females part, but Cambridge is definitely harder to get into as an international student

[@neilprice513]

Cambridge are famously known (Historically) for being Elitist snobs. Not accepting Working class students, foreign students, female students and "ethnic" students. They have gotten better over the past couple of decades, occasionally their bad habits resurface, but the stigma remains. Oxford has always been more "inclusive" with their admittance, because they like money not for any ethical reasons and will take in anyone if their grades are high enough.

[@chrisengland5523]

Made me laugh, Oxford and Cambridge (UK) are generally considered the absolute top, worldwide, when it comes to universities. But OP would prefer that his daughter went somewhere "local".

[@DisturbedOni]

That better be a joke lmao

[@laurahunt5146]

what??this is a joke right??

[@luvondarox]

I wanted to thank you, Rslash, for using that nifty chapter feature on your videos. Not a lot of Reddit readers do that, and it makes it so so much easier to restart a story after I get distracted or need to reference a specific part. Thank you!

[@FlashQuatsch]

I think what really adds salt to the wound is that the accident may have strengthen the meaning of the song for the couple, there's the line "Come what may, I will love you until my dying day". This is their song until he inevitably passes and OP knew that.

[@JaneRHeartofGold]

Thinking that someone(appart from artist) owns a song is funny. People saying that you can't use the same song, or that a song can mean a lot to only one couple is laughable. I understand that it's her sister, but imagine having to ask your entire guest list to name songs you cannot use for your first dance if they RSVP Yes to coming. A lot of marriages end badly some worse than others so just in case someone gets upset you need to know what to avoid right? How many good ones youre going to have left?

[@uni8514]

@@JaneRHeartofGoldJesus dude. It’s her sister and she knew about it in advance and was asked nicely. Just bc you lack the ability to understand what the word kindness means doesn’t mean she doesn’t suck

[@randomtinypotatocried]

@@JaneRHeartofGold I couldn't imagine doing that to my sibling. She knew in advance how much it meant to her sister who more likely had to divorce her husband legally for financial reasons (I know a few people who were forced to do that in order to get their spouse the treatment they needed)

[@beeppboopp]

​@@JaneRHeartofGoldgenuinely heartless lol. This is not "every single guest on your guest list" this is your SISTER. Your SIBLING. The person you are supposed to love. No, the sister does not own the song. OP can play it she wants. But news flash, morality ≠ legality. She can *do* whatever she wants. She's allowed to be a piece of shit, that's not illegal. But...shes still a piece of shit.

[@larissa-je8dc]

@@randomtinypotatocriedwill y’all quit making shit up o it’s for financial reasons really did anyone say that no they didn’t she left cause she couldn’t handle it she ain’t got no right to gate keep this song at all she noped the fuck out of her marriage there is no reason to sit here and decide to make shit up to make the step sister look justified really y’all are ridiculous honestly I think the step sister feels guilty for leaving the marriage in a time of hardship and now is taking it out on her sister cause of a damn song she feels so bad then she should’ve stayed married or stayed with him but she isn’t she visits him on occasion even if it was financial explain why she only sees him once in awhile instead of everyday or atleast every week I ain’t here to make people feel bad for they’re opinions but quit projecting and making shit up to justify someone who left they’re husband when they needed them most

[@seiallen94]

Weekend Away; I just have to make a small correction - she's not taking care of 2 kids, she's taking care of *4* on top of working from home, doing all of the cleaning and cooking. She deserves so much more.

[@tiffanygray]

She's actually taking care of five because I count the husband as a toddler as well. 🙄

[@bibigamer502]

The “husband” isn’t an adult he just wants to be treated as a child who plays pretend

[@Arachne97]

Second story: She got into Cambridge? And you want her to get into a better school? At that point it doesn't matter what she graduates with. That degree is worth its weight in platinum. IT'S WHERE STEPHEN HAWKING, one of the most brilliant people ever went! Isaac Newton, Alan Turing, Charles Darwin........................ dude.

[@Mithandune]

Best part, op from that story deleted his account. People really had to be mad at him :D

[@mr_dnd]

​@desperate need of scotch ARE YOU A GERMAN SPY ;)

[@sk8ergrrl1]

@desperate need of scotch Blackadder fan?

[@ifoundhisjams4075]

@desperate need of scotch nahhh Oxford will ruin her make her into a Tory

[@CooperGal24]

How many think that OP’s just jealous because HE never got into a prestigious university because he failed like his son! If that’s true, then the apple doesn’t fall fair from the tree!

[@asterross]

Story 2: YTA. The fact that OP's daughter was accepted into such a prestigious school is amazing in itself, and they just can't see past their son's failure enough to realize how smart and hard working she is. Edit: dang this blew up. I'd like to thank my cat, for always believing in me.

[@TitanWar93]

That was a once in a lifetime opportunity! She would have that bragging right

[@ChaosTheory419]

​@@TitanWar93 the only consolation is that she deferred entry so she still has her place for next year. That father is INSANE.

[@ladysollua]

He isn’t just sexist, he’s also elitist. He expected his son to go into a specific, high paying profession. When that didn’t pan out, he admonished him for his choice of school, major, and career path because it wasn’t good enough for *him*. And now, his daughter has a higher success rate of succeeding in computer science and got into one of the most prestigious universities in the world, and he dismisses it because, not only does he see her as inferior because she’s not a man, he believes that schools outside where he wants her to go are inferior as well. My mom got accepted into a prestigious university in New England and her parents refused to let her attend because it wasn’t her father’s alma mater. She regrets not fighting for it.

[@akl2k7]

​@Lady Sol Lua Not to mention xenophobic since he looks down on foreign universities. Apparently, nowhere is better than the US /s.

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@akl2k7 he’s all around horrible

[@-nvmanyhow1436]

I just love it when Rslash is in full "wholesome dad"-mode and calling out garbage SOs and parents. Also, good to hear that the vacation was refreshing and don't be afraid to take time off any time you need a break. Your own well-being and family comes first, YT will still be here when you get back.

[@AngelWingsTVdavcs]

You can hear it in his voice that the vacation helped him

[@JC-dg3xd]

If I could like a comment twice, I would. 👍

[@swingstylez]

Story 2 is tragic. "It's such a bad life move to get a loan but it's her life and I won't help." He's doing nothing to assist her life. I hope she goes no contact.

[@paxhumana2015]

I hope that the OP gets two to the dome for such evil behavior in his life. No child, neurotypical, or otherwise, should EVER be seen as property, rather, they should be valued as people, period, full stop.

[@swingstylez]

@@paxhumana2015 yes absolutely.

[@IamtheSpy2005]

@@paxhumana2015That’s fucked up.

[@Sinornis42]

second to last story deserves a solid 5/5, the emotional abuse and child endangerment with his own weaponized incompetence wasn't taken into account.

[@akshathahegde6550]

Story 1: OP casually saying 'ex-husband' to make the step-sister look like she's just a woman hung up over an ex! OP is either a master villain or so emotionally moronic! Edit: What I mean is, OP reduced a tragic case of a woman losing her husband even while he is physically present to a woman who can't get over a break up. I have never known what it feels like to grieve a loved one while they are still alive and I hope I never will. Let's not pretend that OP masked this truth either maliciously or due to emotional immaturity.

[@worldspam5682]

Idk they are divorced. That's literally a definition of "ex". Even if it's only about money.

[@sophietremblay3795]

Honestly I want to slap op what a bword

[@crazyinsane500]

Can you tell that OP in the story chose that song *specifically* to spite her sister? It's not a song that gets a lot of airplay. It has no meaning to OP. It's about twenty years old now, so people at the wedding probably won't know it. Of all the songs she could pick, she *chose* the one that'd hurt her sister.

[@lefishe6611]

​@@crazyinsane500 Two people can like obscure songs at the same time!!! What!

[@BronzeDragon133]

Meh, not really seeing it. I've had favorite things that other people have screeched about because it "hurt them deeply." I'm not going to change my favorite things because of that, it would make me a hypocrite. The step-sister need not attend the wedding if she finds it so painful and it doesn't really sound like the relationship is all that close between the two.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 2: She got in to the 6 best school in the world but you think she can't handle it because of what your son did. First you are a terrible father for undermining your daughter that way, second it's not just about being smart to finish school there are a lot of factors that you clearly didn't consider before making this decision. Lastly, id your so against her taking a loan and why aren't you helping, what is she supposed to do? Your a POS stop putting your daughter down.

[@tully6648]

He's so stupidly mean to both his kids, really. There was that line in there about how his son went for "a less lucrative degree" in another state, and I'm like... So your son realized his mistake and went for a different degree at (what I'm assuming based off what I read) a different school in another state. Why was that a "poor investment?" You should be happy that you could provide him with another chance. Not every parent can afford to do that, though so many wish they could.

[@mr_dnd]

Maybe you can clear something up for me, I didn't pick up on the dad being sexist in that story, what am I missing? To me I'm thinking: Is it *possible* that the dad is just really stupid? From his POV "my son seemed really bright then dropped out of university wasting the investment. Now my daughter wants to go to university and I'm concerned about her going far away and spending lots of money on a degree she might also drop out of" And he just has very little awareness of how insanely good Cambridge is (and how hard the daughter had to work to get there) That doesn't change how much of an AH he's being by refusing to finance his daughter btw, but idk I just read the story and thought "moron" as opposed to "sexist"

[@yagirlchoco20]

That story really made me want to look it up on reddit just to comment what a Pos the father is. Damn, this is one of the most frustrating ones I have read in a while

[@Twinklethefox9022]

​@@mr_dnd yeah. I thought I was missing something too. I was listening and maybe I tuned something out but I was confused why r/slash jumped up with the sexism card. Like the dad is a jerk to both of his children. And from what I heard, he sounded like he just didn't trust his daughter after what his son did. That doesn't sound like sexism. Is it because the dad said his son was the brighter one? I don't see how that is sexism. If the father said the same thing about the daughter (she was the bright one) would people still say it's sexism?

[@mr_dnd]

@@Twinklethefox9022 I guess the bit that people might think is sexist is the assumption: Well if my *son* "failed" (not my opinion OP's), then my daughter will probably fail too and I'm not going to take that risk on her. I think this is more "stupid dad is stupid" rather than sexism at play. Like, how dumb does someone have to be to think that a degree from Cambridge would be less valuable because it's not from the US.

[@amyspeers8012]

The dad in the second story made a comment about how his son changed majors to a less lucrative degree. When my son was accepted into a theater and vocal program at a local university, I was asked by several of his friends’ parents why we were paying for the degree since he would never make any money with it. One set of parents refused to pay for their daughter’s university because she was accepted into a music program and it would make enough money for her.

[@Seelenoede]

He also said that because of that, the money he spent was a "bad investment". Sounds to me like the son never really was into computer science that much and finally decided happiness over his father's greedy and sexist wishes.

[@xabungle5192]

Right? It's not an investment, it's a responsibility

[@chrisg8321]

​@@xabungle5192 Not really a responsibility. My parents didn't pay my tuition. Payed my own way... Should be the student's responsibility.

[@cuetherantics9572]

Story 2 is literally what my mom did to me but I pressed on and still went to the college I was accepted to. It wasn't Cambridge but it meant a lot to me and my older sister dropping out really just ended any support I could have gotten. I finished school and graduated with honors in 5 years because I had to work part-time and then got health issues. I wish parents would stop basing their decisions on their first child's mistakes. Support all your children equally no matter what especially if you can afford it :/

[@gecko2.617]

I am so happy that I had parents who supported me and my sister equally, no matter if we failed or not, the other one was not treated different just because one failed at the same before. Because Guesy what? People are different, one might fail at IT, the other might succeed big time! 🎉 I wish for everyone having good parents who care for their children. I am allways sad when I read or hear stories like yours or the daughters in the video 😢

[@clarky23]

Story 2: I have a feeling the father has no clue what an honor his daughter has been given. The only way I could think of giving him a comparison is a sports analogy. Let him know her daughter being accepted to Cambridge is equivalent to going from high school to the NBA like LaBron James, or going from high school to starting for the New York Yankees. Maybe then his chauvinistic brain is get half a clue HOW IMPORTANT this is.

[@KaliqueClawthorne]

And even when she would drop Out. Ob her CV there will be a mention of Cambridge and at least a few months in another country. Even with the language being the Same that is Something great

[@toffepajja]

As a twin, I can say that only ONE set of twins is chaos enough to need two people to manage. Make it TWO? I can't even imagine. OP really needs to get rid of the husband, because he's only adding to the stress a veritable kindergarten of kids, not helping with it.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 4: you didn't even ask for anything special just for him to be a good dad and husband, he wasn't sick just lazy.

[@lorilancaster5917]

I hope OP took photos of the mess and carnage of the house. Whenever someone plays video games there are auto saves and time stamps OP can use to show that spouse was well enough to do chores.

[@pollypockets508]

Divorce!

[@jellyfish_bubbles]

Op a single mom in a "marriage"

[@lancerevell5979]

This has nothing whatsoever to do with him being "Conservative". He's an arsehat.

[@SteviiLove]

And it's rich that he says birthdays after 21 don't matter while all his birthdays have mattered.

[@judgement_free_dragon]

On the ruined birthday, i had a similar experience. Worked all day on a navy base, came home to not even a card, not even from my kids. The final nail was the party the sailors threw me at work. Cake, flowers, balloons, all of it. Exit strategy engaged.

[@abiean222]

not even a fucking birthday card?!

[@judgement_free_dragon]

@@abiean222 lol. Birthday june 16. Dunped him july 7. 😉

[@abiean222]

@@judgement_free_dragon nice

[@astrophelX]

@@judgement_free_dragonfuck yeah! you can do SO much better than him!

[@judgement_free_dragon]

@@astrophelX thank you, but my story was long ago and unfortunately I dicovered over time that i have the worst record of choosing partners. I walk alone because a relationship of neglect or abuse is so much worse. Be well, be happy, be safe. 😊😊😊

[@lwolfstar7618]

Story 3, people that ruin others birthdays/ special events are a red flag for narcissism, I wonder what the minimum requirements are for HIS birthday? Guaranteed he would throw a fit if not treated like a little prince for the day. I lived this crap myself, its absolutely abusive and so hurtful.

[@kolerick]

"Bad husband" story: I could bet he left not because he was angry, but to be in a clean space where he could wait for OP to clean HIS mess...

[@funkytoasts4768]

My friend goes to harrow and only one person in his entire school got into Cambridge, no-one in my school got in. So for his daughter to get accepted is one of the biggest achievements of all times. From what I know Cambridge and Oxford prefer people with a more diverse background so from rougher neighbourhoods/schools which is an amazing thing as I have a friend in Huddersfield and 12 people from his sixth form got accepted which is amazing

[@DarthTaz]

The double twins is an easy 5/5. I think the emotional abuse was also missing from the rating.

[@keepironman14]

Rslash doesn't like to give 5/5s it's saved for the absolute monsters.

[@hmsealey3243]

She got into Cambridge!!! Have you any idea how many doors Cambridge opens? It's one of the top universities in the world. My daughter's at Oxford (the other top university in the UK) and it's a huge deal. Thousands apply and only a few get places. There are really tough entrance exams. My husband and I have supported our daughter all the way and are so proud of her.

[@Lily-pe8ml]

Congratulations! What course is she doing?

[@TheEDFLegacy]

First story, I'm proud of rSlash for working on his judgment. Definitely spot-on. I do some volunteer work on the side for a local news agency, and I literally was watching someone dying in front of me last night. Another one may still, or end up like her stepsister's husband. I can only imagine what it would be like if their loved ones were In this very situation. HUGE YTA for that poster.

[@boxeswithfoxes]

What situation was it? 👀

[@brosialee8791]

Story 5: wanting some time after a hard day of work to rest and decompress is understandable. What ISN'T understandable is refusing to be a parent and a good husband

[@jenniferann7212]

That second-to-last story about the husband...my sister's husband was like this. If OP divorced him she'd actually have LESS work to do because she wouldn't have to clean up his mess, cater to his whims, and she would get a break from the kids (visitation). That's if he wanted partial custody at all...but he'd probably be the type of man to move back in with his mother and be a jerk about custody because he'd be having his mother take it on, and he probably wouldn't enforce any rules or do any actual parenting.

[@aleahlrb]

3rd Story: rSlash makes a great point. What the hell does the husband put into the relationship? He doesn't do any chores, he just goes home to rest, then leaves the next day to work. Assumably, all that he provides is a pay check, and even then, since OP is actually computer programmer (I checked her original post on Reddit), we can assume she actually makes bigger money than him. He's just a glorified roommate, and according to OP in the post, he also doesn't want to pay for daycare??? Why? They can probably afford it, it can probably make OP life easier, lessen her burden since she is still working in the end of the day. This is just speculation, but is he just intentionally trying to bring OP down? Does he feel emasculated that OP has a bigger pay check with an 'easier' job? So he's making it much more difficult for her and making it 'equal' by intentionally making her do more work? Seriously, OP should just divorce him and kick him out. Also, I'm just assuming that the husband has been treating OP as a maid or a glorified mommy the whole time (considering he doesn't or can't even wash the dishes). Divorce him and let him live with his real mommy.

[@abiean222]

child support would be a great replacement, its all he really contributes at this point anyway.

[@AIBot929]

​@@abiean222 I doubt she would even want his piddly child support based on the fact she earns more

[@abiean222]

@@AIBot929 kids are fucking expensive and in this economy every little bit is needed.

[@kranberry3318]

@@AIBot929 Even if it’s not much, he should be contributing whatever he can.

[@stuartwalker9597]

Cambridge is one of the top UK universities the dad should be proud she got into that it’s ridiculously hard to get into

[@ManlyStump]

It's one of the top universities PERIOD. Like, top 5 in the entire world.

[@MatrixRefugee]

I'm guessing OP is one of those 'Murrica Huck Yeah types.

[@abiean222]

like, the guy says that she isn't really that smart, just that she put in a lot of effort in her last years of school, but like, if that were true would she have really been accepted? OP is just a sexist asshole really

[@LilDevyl17]

I think the problem is, the Dad spent all of his life trying to live through his son that he failed to see that his daughter was succeeding. And then when the son didn't live up to the expectations the Dad put on him. All the Dad can see is his son's failures and that's it. I feel for the daughter though. Just tossed aside b/c of gender and all the Dad did was focus on making his son the next him.

[@Richard_Nickerson]

One of the top schools in the whole world

[@TwiceTheGamer]

For the Bad Husband story, the fact that he doesn’t even know how to keep a house generally clean is appalling. Did his mother never make him clean up as a kid? Did he never live alone? Did he just go straight from being taken care of by Mommy to his wife?

[@YinYangAngel55]

Story 2: Cambridge developed one of the earliest computers after WWII, so if any school would go into depth about computers, its Cambridge. Learning from one of the best schools in the world who had a hand in creating the subject they now study would be like a dream come true.

[@elizaalmabuena]

FYI- adding to the second story, studying (even as a foreigner) in the UK is generally cheaper than in the US. I compared the costs when I was heading to Uni and the US fee for a year of study was more than the fee in the UK WITH travel, accommodation, and groceries.

[@silverflight01]

Story 3 + 4: Geez, do these two men even know a bit of responsibility? They just throw their responsibilities on the OPs, and then when the second OP leaves for a couple days, the whole place becomes a mess. Some manchildren they are

[@hardup9809]

If I work and give you the privilege of being a stay at home mother in today's economy, giving you the privilege of not working then coming home and taking care of the kids, you, the stay at home partner, takes care of the majority of chores and child care end of story, there was one point where I was off work and home for 8 months when my son was 8months old, and it was literally the easiest thing I have done in my working adult life , dishes , clothes, cleaning house was all done in 3 hours or less finished by an hour max on dinner, more than half my day was spent on my phone while my son slept, with a sprinkling of play times in there

[@andredunbar3773]

​@@hardup9809 It's already been explained to you that the fourth OP is caring for 4 kids (two pairs of twins ages 5 and 3) while also working from home. Your experience temporarily caring for an 8 month old baby is no excuse for men who are unfit to be called husbands and are incompetent as fathers.

[@abiean222]

@@hardup9809 wow you cared for a baby! babies do noting but eat, sleep and shit all day. the older ones need a little attention, but they sleep most of the day. but try taking care of a kid, even a toddler. thats someone you got to watch constantly and feed real meals and keep entertained all day. you clean and they make a mess right behind you. you stop to do something like vacuum and five minutes later they scream for you to play with them. if you are lucky they'll watch a movie all the way through, so you can go do something else, but be prepared because they might want you to watch it with them. and it might be the same movie that they've been watching for a month now. keeping the house orderly while taking care of a baby is super easy, but doing so with kids older than 2 is a nightmare.

[@CRShepherd1980]

@hardup she does work. And taking care of a single child is way easier than king care of 4. We appreciate you letting us know the kind of man you are though.

[@ericdugdale8585]

​@@hardup9809Found the lazy manchild in the comments. There's always at least one.

[@sylaisee_bebop]

assuming that the first op is american i’m pretty sure the sister in the first story only divorced him so that he could get disability benefits (like staying in the group home) bc she would otherwise have to take care of him full time while being expected to have a full time job that brings in money among other things that just can’t work in this day and age

[@CalemCooper7]

The fourth story goes from bad to worse when you realize that OP had their first set of twins at 19 while the husband was 22. It doesn’t seem like a huge difference but the OP was still a teenager.

[@KimPlantsArt]

Yeaaaa. I was doing the math and I was like mmmmmm....

[@healingthroughchrist1988]

But at least she was legal when she got pregnant with the first set of twins. My sister had my (now 21-year-old) niece 11 days after she turned 19 and my (now 17-year-old nephew) about a month before turning 23.

[@angelocampos6381]

19 and 22 a big gap.... Really? Not at all

[@callanightshade8079]

​@@angelocampos6381 no but when you're 19 there's still plenty of naivety. You don't fully mature until you're around 25

[@mushios]

Honestly one of my best friend got married at 18 and he was 22 they had their first kid though when she turned 20. They are 4 years in and on their second kid. They are doing very well.

[@ThePirateprincess23]

Story 5: All OP did was give her roommate of a husband a taste of what it really is like for her at home. Working from home can be more physical than you think.

[@M3RK_Crash]

I see where the husbands coming from, he works hard labor and when I hear that I think 12 hour work days outside doing a trade. He should help out more bury at the same time him wanting to rest is reasonable

[@readerminion6743]

@@M3RK_Crash According to the comments she left he works 40 hours a week as a construction worker and she works 40 hours as a software engineer while taking care of the kids. She doesn’t need that waste of space for child care, money, or anything really. At this point he is an overpaid prostitute.

[@natkatmac]

​@@M3RK_Crash but when does she rest? Rest is reasonable and necessary to avoid burnout. He shouldn't be the only one with that privilege.

[@M3RK_Crash]

@@natkatmac I agree, she also needs time to rest also. But the guy can make the case that since he works a more demanding job he should get more rest. BUT that shouldn’t devoid him of responsibility either.

[@boogermaiden]

True

[@greyscalesky]

Love the editor for editing the second story and correcting RSlash on how to pronounce Cambridge ❤️

[@amandab8433]

Story 2 : The Dad was the Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb. I can't believe he DIDN'T know how prestigious Cambridge University is. If it was my daughter I'd have taken out loans myself. My daughter (19) is currently at UC Berkeley for a double in CS a an Engineering. You bet we made sure she could go, with no money worries even though her middle brother changed from CS to Environmental science. Each child is an individual, and comparing one to another is incredibly detrimental. I hope the daughter finds her way back to her school of choice.

[@manchild8365]

I mean… some people are just so unworldly, having no idea of anything outside of their world/country. This is why there’s so many memes about getting American kids to tell analogue time and none of them can.

[@rabbitguts2518]

The fact he was worried about 'foreign diplomas' says he views the rest of the world as lesser than america, to the point where even the most prestigous UK school is beneath a low grade American one to him. He wasn't dumb, he was a sexist, likely racist(god forbid what his opinions of diplomas from Dubai or similar countries would be) an asshole of massive proportion and very clearly has a favorite child. Oh and he views his children as 'investments' so yeah I doubt he actually cares about his kids other than them being a status symbol purely on how well they do in their own lives.

[@Kumo5980]

To me gender should not matter I rather be supportive of both kids Gifted or not Boy or girl I like to bet the OP would come back here and say “my daughter is out of the house and not talking to me, all I did was deny her help, where did I go so wrong!?🥺”

[@clarky23]

I didn't get into a university like Cambridge. But I did get into one of the better colleges for my field in the region (University of Nebraska as an out of state student). I had decent grades in high school (3.4 GPA) but my Grandma wasn't as concerned about a 4.0 because I was also involved in sports. When she found out I was accepted to college (the first in my family), she ended up working 18 hours a day/7 days a week so I could afford to go debt free. I worked as well as taking 16 to 18 hours per semester. When I graduated, I had two diplomas printed, professionally framed one and gave it to my Grandma with a card saying "you worked harder for this than I did." She kept it on the wall, even took it with her to her assisted living facility to hang. I got it back December 2020 when she finally passed at age 91.

[@Kumo5980]

@@clarky23 your grandma is the sweetest person ever😭

[@nomar5spaulding]

Story with the twins: my guess is Husband didn't do any of the work while his wife left for 2 days not because he was unable to do any of that work, but because in his mind, it isn't his job to do that stuff. My guess is Husband purposefully left so that work as punishment to OP.

[@rabbitguts2518]

Oh absolutely he didn't ask for her to leave the house and kids HE ran away from all the responsibility including his kids to stay with his mum. Clearly he just doesn;t want to even be around his kids much less care for them.

[@HumbleWooper]

It wouldn't surprise me if he intentionally messed the place up extra "to make a point" or to punish her for "abandoning" him.

[@ShebaMetaluna]

Second to last story, the husband is probably using weaponized incompetence. There is no excuse for him to let the house get into that state after such a short amount of time. Last story: If they are going to make it into charcoal before eating it, there is no point in it being wagyu beforehand lol. My mom eats steak like that and it hurts my soul x.x

[@sceetherthenadder]

Last story: I was raised on “Do not recook” and “Ask for food restrictions/preferences”. If they want to take the food back and recook it themselves, they don’t get the good stuff. If they won’t ask for preferences, they’re food won’t get eaten.

[@ZombieSazza]

Story 3: NTA, you don’t have a husband and child, you have 2 children, one who fully expects you to look after him like he’s a toddler. Honestly these kinds of marriage depress me, you’re married to someone who doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t respect you, don’t care about you really. Story 4: Jesus Christ I could copy paste what I wrote above, except this husband is not afraid to be extremely toxic, argumentative and combative, he’s so absent from his kids lives that I doubt they know anything about their dad at all. It doesn’t even sound like he likes you, he comes across as someone who barely tolerates you. That isn’t a marriage, that marriage died a long time ago but your eyes are open now.

[@lukecat3825]

My daughter wanted to be a you tuber or artist but by 17 wanted to do computer analytics and cyber security. Nothing in her background said to me she was able to do this. But she was smart and I support her so I agreed to let her sign up when th the understanding that was f she didn’t do well she could change majors. 2.5 years later she has her 4 year degree with honors and is so happy I trusted and supported her. Not every risk s a failure.

[@etherealaesthetical]

Good morning everyone! First Story: YTA. It reminds me of that story a few months ago where OP said “AITA for being upset one of my bridesmaids was late to dinner?” and the reason the bridesmaid was late was because she was grieving her dead husband. Just people being so shitty to others so they can be happy. Disgusting. Second Story: YTA. Imagine blocking your daughter’s dreams because of the failures of her brother. Devaluing all her hard work because he doesn’t think she can be better than her brother. Once again, disgusting. Third Story: NTA. Imagine not valuing your wife and all her work so much that you won’t even do the bare minimum as a father on her special day. How can you claim to love someone yet be so inconsiderate and nasty to them? Fourth Story: NTA. Same as the last one, shit husband treats wife like slave and freaks out when she has her own agency. Only thing is that I would have asked someone to check on the kids because who knows how terrible things could have gotten with an inexperienced father and 4 kids. Fifth Story: ESH/NAH. Not everyone is going to have a super refined taste in food and I understand serving them something different. However, you can’t expect people to not be mad when you treat them differently to others. I suggest teaching them about different foods instead of treating them like that.

[@bridgetdebourgh5698]

Good Morning ☀️

[@G-y_m]

Morning. Yta btw

[@lorilancaster5917]

Second story: OP had a somewhat update which he becomes more open to the thought of Cambridge being a good school. However he doesn’t admit fault nor reports apologizing to his daughter

[@GiordanDiodato]

Disagree with the last story. Nta

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

You can't hold a song hostage full stop

[@LilitheAmara]

My mom told me as an adult that she didn't think I would "turn out" and that my sibling would be the successful one. She laughed about it because I guess she thought it was funny to admit she didn't give me the resources I needed because she didn't think I would "turn out" as a child. Anyway, being the one that didn't do well in childhood didn't prevent me from making more money than her by my mid 20s.

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

Spite is a powerful motivator. Keep on being you. You are awesome.

[@LilitheAmara]

@@ImNotaRussianBot I appreciate that! They do say the best revenge is a life well lived 😄

[@wizwitch5318]

I spent an hour or so reading the comments from that dad that wouldn't pay for his daughter's school and it just got worse: -he based his assumptions of their intelligence on when they were in middle school -he decided she couldn't have actually been interested in CS because she was into fashion as well -he off-handedly mentioned her doing coding competitions but couldn't supply any more information about that (like, yknow, if she won or anything) -she also got into Ivy League schools but he still wanted her to do community college or a state school instead -he was certain the only reason she got in was affirmative action

[@d1gl3ttgrl2]

Sometimes I think you're too harsh, but honestly all of these stories totally merit the harshness you applied. These people are INSANE.

[@nat6098]

During the birthday husband and bad husband stories Labour by Paris Paloma was on repeat in my brain. I'm assume both husbands will be blindsided if/when the wives ask for a divorce. Edit to add: The bad husband should get 5/5 because having kids in a disaster area like that house is harmful and dangerous. So he not only put all the work on his wife he neglected and endangered his own kids with his weaponized incompetence.

[@luvondarox]

S2 So. . . Daughter is being punished for the _Son's_ misdeeds? And OP somehow thinks that's fair?

[@lishrich]

Your reactions MAKE these videos. You are reak, considerate, fair, and seemingly a damn good dad and person. You shouldnt have to "mellow out" for some strangers, pulling back on your valid, rekatable, and refreshing comments/reactions. The rawness is what makes these videos so good. You read well and then you react with real emotion and character. It's awesome. The only things I would give in on would be just to decrease the cursing, and barely on the insults, if at all. The thing is, you don't lie. You call it out like you see it and speak your mind exactly, whether you are insulting the awful people or praising the good people. You react, but you don't overreact. Some people that try to make reaction videos are just fake, or they scream a lot for no reason, or exagerate their responses, unless they're underreacting or not reacting at all, which are both boring. You mock the monsters, share your disbelief in the ridiculous and horrible actions they're capable of, and you point out when people are kinder thon they need to be or are compassionate or protective, or are defending themselves. It's all very well balanced. It's awesome to see someone being so passionate about people sharing love and light or using and abusing people. You seem to care so much, and that is such a beautiful thing. So yeah anyway I don't know what mellowing some of these people are expecting you to do but I hope you stay true to yourself and your story-telling skills, as well as being a decent human that can appreciate the good and rebuke the bad.

[@themosaicshow]

^

[@schulteq]

Nathan putting in that editors note about RSlash now knowing how to say Cambridge is for some reason so funny to me 😂

[@MegaMinerd]

It's not just you, Dabney. That first OP is mega toxic omg. Your take on the last story definitely makes it clear your vacation helped a lot. To give a level headed NAH after such awful stories...

[@KuroInuSama69]

I sincerely disagree with you on that. It would be an exceptionally kind and selfless thing to change the song. but its not obligated. OP may have sentimental reasons to play that song as well. step sister down own/ have dibs just because there is a tragedy in her life associated with the song. Think about you favorite song. now how would you feel if someone close to you wanted you to "not play your song" to spare their feelings. you'd be livid.

[@truthseeker9249]

​@@KuroInuSama69 thank you!

[@GoddessOfThree]

@@KuroInuSama69 You say "you'd be livid" as if you know how someone would react... but you don't. I personally wouldn't be, and I doubt OP of this comment thread would be. Truth is, I was *this close* to being on OP's side. At the very beginning, when I thought the situation was simply "oh that song reminds me of my breakup/divorce/whatever and makes me kinda sad", I was like "well that sucks, and would be NICE to change it, but it's still your wedding and you can do what you want". But then I learned what the ACTUAL significance of the song is to the sister, and changed my mind completely. It's a literal deeply traumatic trigger, of a deeply traumatic chapter of her life that she's *still dealing with.* So yeah, the situation is way more naunced than just "it's OP's wedding and they can play whatever song they want". That is still *technically true,* but just because someone has the *technical* right to do something doesn't mean it can't possibly be a callous and cruel move; especially if you have a plethora of alternative options that *won't* hurt someone to their very core. In this situation, OP has every technical right to play what they want, but given the specific situation (plus the literal thousands+ of other song options out there), dying on the hill of sticking to this ONE specific song is extremely callous and cruel. We never even found out what the significance of it is to OP. It might be different if there WAS actually a similar, deeply emotional connection that OP has to the song (even a happy one), because the sister's deep emotions aren't necessarily more important than OP's deep emotions (especially at OP's own wedding). But as far as we know, OP simply just... *likes* the song. Which is objectively far less important than someone's *actual* life-ruining trauma. And, which is also complete BS that there's absolutely no other song she *likes* enough to take its place. The ONE song in all of existence that happens to be the absolute worst, visceral, trauma-inducing song for someone presumably close to her (since *way before* OP ever chose it), and that's the ONE and only song she just HAS to choose and absolutely CANNOT let go of to spare her sister active grief and reliving of raw trauma. She literally does not want her sister to have a good time. She KNOWS the song will trigger her to have an awful time and sit there deeply hurting throughout the entire wedding, but she cares less about that than she does about one stupid song, for which which she, again, never even hinted at any person emotional connection of her own. The world isn't black-and-white, and moral implications are often far more nuanced than the easy cop-out people like to use of "well she technically has every right to, so therefore she can't possibly be wrong"... meanwhile, step-sister is hyperventilating from a panic attack in the corner as the "noble sacrifice" for OP to experience a modicum of petty satisfaction that about a thousand other songs could have also given her 🤣 Ethical dilemmas aren't simply shut down by stringent rules and technicalities.

[@KuroInuSama69]

@@GoddessOfThree First. I was wrong for assuming you would react the way most people would in a given situation. As I don't know you, I should have said "it is totally reasonable to be ticked off if someone made an absurd demand of younto conduct your wedding in a certain way." With that out of the way, you ignored the paramount concern here.. Itnis OP's wedding day Period. The only people that should be considered on that day are OP and OP's husband. OP does not need a significant "reason" Beyond that being the song she and the man she married chose to be the song they shared their first dance to as husband and wife. The step sister wanting this change to q complete her is just the same as (A announcing your engagement, pregnancy , other major life event at the wedding. B) bringing your kids to a child free wedding C) wearing a whie dress or wedding gown to the event. it upstaged the bride and that is wrong. the step sister can't make OP 's day about her. I don't care if there are a billion other songs out there. this is what OP chose. As I said before Tragedies happen every day do you want to begin a precident that because something unfortunate happened to you no one else can ever enjoy whatever it is u associate with your misfortune? How would you feel if you liked chocolate ice cream but chocolate ice cream killed my best friend so I demand you to not have chocolate Olathe ice cream at your party? A party im not paying for? I don't want to make any further assumptions. And what happens if The step sister hears the song on Spotify, on on an elevator, or in another context? is the world supposed to purge this song just to make her feel better? no. idon't think so. I think it's very entitled to expect someone to change something like that because it stings for just o e person. Given the risk that the step sister undertakes everyday where that song could be heard she shouldn't go places where it might offend her sensibilities Syep sister doesn't have the right make OP's Wedding day about step sister's damage. It is that black and white

[@fatassium4304]

I think this is either a no-buttholes situation or everyone sucks here situation. No-Buttholes : OP's sister has the right to ask her to change the song, especially since such a song has a melancholic connotation for the sister. Though, OP also has the right to choose the specifics for her wedding. Everyone sucks: OP is choosing to play a song that brings her sister agonizing pain, and her sister is expecting OP to change the song to accommodate her suffering.

[@MegaJK97]

The last story reminds me of the "steak snob" story you once told. Although I'm not eating steak and having reservations against eating anything beyond well-done I can understand that Wagyu beef Is something special that needs to be prepared in a certain way. Therefore I can understand OP buying two different grades of meat. But yeah, rslash also is right. OP could use the money for other specialities their in-laws might enjoy more. So I agree with the score and I applaud rslash for gaining a new view at Wagyu beef

[@owenfautley]

But a well done wagu can be done if cooked correctly, it can be juicy, tender and taste great. If all you think of well done is chewy leather then you have never had a proper well done steak. There are a few KZbin videos that show how to properly cook them.

[@avashnea]

@@owenfautley NO beef is cooked correctly if it's well done. Well done IS leather. It should never be cooked past medium, even better medium rare.

[@Dragonmaster0118]

there isn't anything beyond well done.

[@avashnea]

@@Dragonmaster0118 There is though. Charcoal

[@Tustin2121]

@@owenfautley- It sounded like OP already tried that, and the father in law just put it back on the grill anyway and ruined his work.

[@capslockpenguin7518]

"She pushed herself through the last year at school." You mean she STUDIED and WORKED HARD?!

[@paiget6200]

Story 2: just because your son failed, doesn't mean your daughter won't succeed

[@lostsleepyfox]

For the university one. Cambridge is 1 of the top 2 unis in the UK. If you got into either Oxford or Cambridge, you've done something right. They are the hardest unis to get accepted for. If dad had even done a shred of research, he would have known this. A degree from Cambridge Uni is definitely something you'd want on your CV/resume. Dad is hardcore AH material.

[@KellyDVance]

4th story: how much you want to bet that OP's mother-in-law calls her and tells at her for not taking care of her baby boy? He can go stay with his mommy, because clearly he is still a child. It also made me think of that new Paris Paloma song "Labour" because that feels like OP's situation.

[@Dragonmaster0118]

Getting into Cambrige is insanely difficult and so insanely impressive I can't express how impressive it is.

[@fireroastedfire]

Story 2: Man, that hits too close to home. I had to take loans for the first half of college on my and my mom's shoulders because my dad and stepmom refused to do so despite their MUCH higher credit. Thier reasoning? My step brother went to and dropped out of vet school, so OBVIOUSLY I would drop out of Computer Science. Now he loves to tell everyone how proud he is of his son, the Software Engineer. Funny that. Prove 'em wrong OPm

[@lizabee7791]

Story 3: how much do you want to bet that the husband forgot it was OP’s birthday and didn’t remember until either he woke up and noticed she was gone or until OP mentioned that he ruined her birthday on the phone?

[@healingthroughchrist1988]

It seems mighty convenient for him to forget on a day when she wanted him to help out more for her birthday and claimed that he wasn't feeling good. And how immature was it that he went home to mommy when OP got back? Leaving OP to clean up the mess herself.

[@TetraSky]

Third story : Yup, he's pretending to be sick. If he can play games and talk on mic, he ain't sick. He didn't even BOTHER telling you happy birthday. He's tired because he played until 4am and isn't 18 anymore. Dude sounds super toxic. Can't even do the literal bare minimum. You asked for perfectly reasonable things, for ONE DAY and he had to pretend to be sick and then he gets mad at you because you left when he ignored your birthday entirely. He's not a good partner.

[@devinstewart1072]

I’ve only forgotten my wife’s birthday once…and I didn’t even forget it. I work for UPS and I work the shift that loads the little brown cars. So I’m up at 2am. I work 5-6 hours a day 5 days a week 334 days a year. The last 31 days is December where I work 12-18 hour days due to the holidays. My wife’s birthday is in early December and I wished her a happy birthday the day after her birthday because I miscounted my days due to going from 5 hour days to 12 hour days with no buildup. I felt horrible when she told me her birthday was the day prior and immediately apologized. Thankfully she completely understood.

[@Arachne97]

Glad you're feeling better, Rslash. Couldn't agree more with the first story

[@G-y_m]

Wow more than one person can't use the same song

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

Could disagree more. You can't hold a song hostage

[@khrishp]

I feel like the other people replying to you Did not listen to the same story. I fully agree with you, it's not holding a song hostage.

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

@@khrishp I listened to the same story.

[@llamaniaman4002]

@@G-y_m Wow, another person being willfully ignorant and ignoring the context of the story. OP and the other woman are fucking SISTERS. What type of friend or sister would do that? It won't hurt to just use another song for your wedding.

[@ProtonFilms_Mark]

That first story messed me up. Weddings really do bring out the worst in people, I guess it's sort of this sense of immunity, as in "nobody can stop me on my special day".

[@InitialDraal]

Or maybe it's just that even the worst people marry.

[@ProtonFilms_Mark]

@@InitialDraal it's more likely we only remember the terrible ones. We're generally wired to pay more mins to the bad things.

[@InitialDraal]

@@ProtonFilms_Mark You are responding to "ONLY worst people marry" while I said "EVEN the worst people marry". It's a one sentence comment ...

[@ProtonFilms_Mark]

@@InitialDraal oh, I am sorry, I assumed you weren't trying to be captain obvious and made a typo. My mistake.

[@nevyn_karres]

When it comes to birthdays, my family's worse was my younger brother's 13th, neither me (18 at the time,) other brother 16, or mum and dad, remembered his birthday on the boring weekday. We all did the whole morning routine and left for work and school, it was only in the evening did one of us remember it was his birthday. We are all now around 50 and it is still bought up, both for fun and shame.

[@TabbyThoughts]

It is crazy to me how many people are saying the step sister was in the wrong in story 1. OP says the sister asked if she could change the song (which with the added context OP didn't put in the original post, it makes sense) and when OP said no, the sister accepted that. OP doesn't mention that her sister threw a fit or cussed her out or told everyone in an attempt to guilt-trip OP. All she did was slightly distance herself afterwards which she is completely allowed to do. How does that make her evil or a narcissist?

[@daniharling3632]

"What marriage? Where is the husband in this?" Is ringing back for me. That's so powerful.

[@cIappo896]

holy shit that 1st story is like 6/5 asshole score. Not just because of the trauma associated, but the fact that she feels nothing when she's reminded of her ex brother in law's tragedy. On her wedding. I'd be weeping

[@sophietremblay3795]

Agree you don’t know how much I want to throw the nastiest insults in her face

[@lefishe6611]

Some people just aren't that close with their family in law. Fuck knows I'm not, if I heard my brother in law went through a tragedy I'd definitely feel sympathy but I would be full on depressed

[@cIappo896]

@@lefishe6611 It's fine to be distant; it's not fine to completely not care about your sibling's partner if you're even remotely close.

[@willowway3349]

​@Le fishe why are you in every comment defending this person actively reminding someone of probably one of the most traumatic situations they ever had to experience. Op is selfish

[@lefishe6611]

@@willowway3349 Because I don't agree, I don't think it's not selfish I just think OP's actions are being blown out of proportion, you guys are making it out to be like she set up her wedding with the express intention of making the step-sister relive her trauma.

[@MusicGirl881]

Story 3: “Birthdays aren’t a big deal after 21” Okay since he feels like that my petty ass would have been like fine for now on don’t expect anything from me for your birthday. NTA OP doesn’t have a husband, partner and father to the kids she has a roommate. The moment she asks him to do on simple thing for her birthday he’s conveniently sick and can’t do anything.

[@VulpesChama]

"Her brother was typically the brighter one." - That sentence killed the argument.

[@davidweaver4436]

Story 1: Step-sister: Traumatic backstory of why she'd like the song not to be played. Gives a bit of a cold-shoulder, but otherwise doesn't make a fuss. Very reasonable. OP: IDK, I just want to play that song. Like... OP didn't even tell us why it HAS to be that song at the expense of all else and of course withheld the information at first. I agree with your assessment. Just feels very selfish.

[@davidweaver4436]

Story 3: Even if he IS sick... then she still made the best of her birthday while leaving him to "rest." No matter what, I say OP NTA. Her husband didn't need her there. He clearly wasn't that ill, if at all.

[@papabear1333]

Birthday story: I work in the oilfields and I do just about all of OPs birthday requests at least once a week for my wife. OPs husband sucks. 😂😂

[@maieen2665]

*First OP:* Before the extra information, I would've said OP is a small AH for wanting to play a song that reminds her step-sister of her ex. After learning the info, OP is a big, gaping AH. *Second OP:* Yes, it's OP's money, but it is unfair to his daughter that he wouldn't pay for her education because of his son's experience. It also sounds like OP is throwing shade at his daughter's intelligence. OP is TA. Shoutout to Nathan for preventing the pitchforks from coming out 😛 Also, if I why, but hearing rSlash typing while saying, "I'm Op AnD mY dAuGhTeR iS a BiG dUmB-dUmB" made this funnier to me than it should have. *Third OP:* Did OP's husband think birthdays weren't a big deal when OP planned the trip for him? Probably not. OP is NTA. Happy belated birthday! *Fourth OP:* _Let it_ ruin your marriage! OP's husband proved himself to be an inconsiderate husband and incompetent father. OP should divorce him and get full custody of the kids so her husband can have all the time in the world to nap and hang out with his friends. OP is NTA, and her friends are the real MVPs. *Fifth OP:* OP _did_ treat his wife's parents the same as his regarding steak, but it didn't work out. There's no reason for OP to buy his in-laws quality steaks when it isn't necessary. -OP is NTA- Actually, NAH is a better score.

[@Mokuteke]

Fourth op. Is nta but staying out the whole week and leaving the kids with guy who obviously doesn’t want to watch them is not something I would do

[@ZombieSazza]

@@Mokuteke it was 2 days, not a whole week. He’s their father, 2 days shouldn’t be difficult for him if he was actually being an active father in his kids lives.

[@rontheauraknight9606]

Yeah 2 days, and I assume OP has like never had an break from the kids. Now I don’t have any kids let alone 4, but can four tots really destroy the house like that if your even giving them an modicum of attention? It makes me feel he didn’t even give attention to them outside maybe diaper changes and giving them food

[@janputz4157]

Story 1: That's actually heartless. Doesn't want to change the song because she likes it even though she knows it would cause her sister agony. Just hearthless. How can you know what's up and what it means to her and still think "yeah I just like the song so I'll keep it" as if there aren't dozens of songs that could fill the role perfectly. It pretty much seems intentional by OP. Story 2: I don't think that's all of it. I'd bet money OP pushed his son hard into what he believed to be the best purely based on money. I wouldn't be suprised if the son never really wanted to study computer science anyway. Then because he seems to see his sons decisions only in bills he now actively tries to screw over his second daughter, who has the ability to visit a state of the art school but somehow she's stupid, which already is an uncool thing to say about your kids, and doesn't deserve the same opportunities. It'd be different if there were changes that just made equal opportunities impossible but that's clearly not the care. OP won't be visited by his kids in the future I'm sure. Story 3: Get over yourself dude. What a joke of a man. Support your damn wife and take responsibility like a husband or at least as a grown up. OP, why are you with a man that can't even give basic respect and help? Story 4: And an other manbaby. Two days you wuss. Two damn days you had to do a few chores. If he thinks OP has it so easy with the household how come this sad sap can't even handle two pitiful days without the house sinking in garbage? Too stupid to leave the toilet clear of urine? Incapable of washing dishes? All because he's tired? Nah man what a joke. Like, does he need to call him mommy to wipe his booty after potty time? Good for OPs friends to get OP outta there. Story 5: Okay I was ready to go off on OP for bs but seriously if the people can't value good and expensive food and make an active effort to destroy eveything good about it. Wagyu can cost hundreds of dollars per kilo so not giving it to one who would achieve the same result with a 30$ butcher steak is more than fair. I get where she's coming from because in a way it is unfair treatment but it's not unwarranted. Maybe tone it down for his and scale it a bit up somewhere different for hers.

[@kodafox5385]

All these stories where one parent works a physical job and acts like maintaining a house and kids is the easy task really frustrate me. If it's so damn easy, then why can't they manage it for even a day???

[@BradDiBenedetto]

The lady with the 2 sets of twins that left her husband alone- there would be an argument to be made if she was just a SAHM. He’d still be a jerk for not helping enough, but maybe less so. The fact that she also works from home makes his behavior and reaction completely childish

[@nidodson]

The birthday story, that's just what a good partner does when they understand they aren't feeling the best. Birthdays should definitely be more...

[@Netherdrop]

I'm really happy you're feeling better after the vacation, it definitely shows you're in a better mindset. Couldn't agree more with the first story, what OP is doing is downright cruel

[@TheRealPhilG]

Rslash, your rating is spot on for the one with the song. My late fiance and I had a song and everytime that I hear it my heart still breaks. She passed away 7 years ago. We were only engaged for a month but she was absolutely the one for me. She was literally the girl next door and I miss her greatly

[@shadodragonette]

I wish rSlash had been around when I was dealing with a jerk in the early 2000's. He would have told me to dump that trash and move on much sooner than I got the message in my real life. rSlash would have pointed out all the abuse LONG before I saw it myself... He doesn't get everything right every time, but people who are a waste of oxygen need to improve or leave, rSlash will put those crappy people in their place! For the record: since I have been listening to rSlash, I have improved my own behaviors, I don't want to be abusive. I have made a point to tell people I appreciate them and to just be a better person. Thank you, rSlash!

[@b-man1277]

Story 1: Usually I go by your wedding your rules but this is horrible! I hope the sister can find a way to make peace with what happened.

[@wakeangel2001]

The dad from the second story lost my sympathy as soon as he called his son an investment

[@LLandS18]

I'm going to say a lot of people feel that way about their kids. How many people say well if you don't have kids who's going to take care of you when you get older? If that type of mindset isn't an investment for the future, I don't know what it is. You know what's going to take care of me when I'm older my pension My savings account. Not my future children. I don't see having children as I'm going to have caregivers when I'm elderly.

[@wakeangel2001]

@@LLandS18 even so, you don't CALL them that, your kids are under no obligation to actually care for you in your old age, but if you treat them right they'll want to, that's how a human bond works

[@jennteal5265]

4th Story: While the OP was absolutely in the wrong for just ... staying out for the weekend, the husband is an even bigger AH for _his_ actions. I even can see his point of view if he has long hours of physical labor, but that doesn't absolve him of responsibilities to his wife, his children and his household. They need marital counseling more than just going straight for the nuclear option, but if nothing is coming from that, then yeah, that might have to be a consideration. Edit: Wagyu is like $125/lb. If they want hockey pucks, they don't get Wagyu. I do agree completely with RSlash that there should be a different option to spend that sort of money on her parents, without buying them the fanciest of fancy steaks only to watch it get destroyed.

[@hardup9809]

If I work and give you the privilege of being a stay at home mother in today's economy, giving you the privilege of not working then coming home and taking care of the kids, you, the stay at home partner, takes care of the majority of chores and child care end of story, there was one point where I was off work and home for 8 months when my son was 8months old, and it was literally the easiest thing I have done in my working adult life , dishes , clothes, cleaning house was all done in 3 hours or less finished by an hour max on dinner, more than half my day was spent on my phone while my son slept, with a sprinkling of play times in there

[@jennteal5265]

@@hardup9809She works from home FT, if I heard correctly. If she was a SAHM, you'd have a point. I WFH FT and handle about 90% of home chores due to my husband working 60-70 hours a week but I DON'T have kids.

[@firelordoregano5632]

@@hardup9809 she has a full time job. she is not a stay at home mother.

[@shinozsnow]

People seriously underestimate how much work caring for children is.

[@TheYehTeh]

I work as a brain injury care specialist for people with TBI (traumatic brain injury) and it is heartbreaking how some of the patient’s spouses had moved on. Either because of the same circumstances as OP’s step sister, such as the TBI is so severe that having a normal marriage is impossible. Or, some spouses saw it as a way to get out of their marriage. It is all very sad and depressing. On top of that I also am a spousal caregiver for my wife. We are both still in our 20s and we are slowly being robbed of the life we once had because of her chronic illness and disability. I can say for one that I know exactly how OP’s step sister feels, and OP is being dishonest and sadistic in a way. I say OP deserves 5/5

[@109968shadowboy]

First story: I will say that avoiding triggers for your trauma is not the responsibility of others. That said OP is the asshole here because of the intentional cover up. If OP had said that the song had significant meaning for them to dance at their wedding then she should let her step-sister know before so she can do what she needs to avoid that trigger.

[@twistysunshine]

The part that's crazy is that OP in the comments freely admits that the song doesn't mean anything to their relationship. She just thought it was a cute song to do ur first dance to. I agree triggers are the triggereds responsibility, but from the way OP frames everything I have to wonder if she just... Hates her stepsister. I can't imagine even doing this BEFORE the sister came to her let alone after

[@109968shadowboy]

@@twistysunshine it could be that OP may be too proud to say she feels uncomfortable talking about it so it is easier to pull the trigger than to fight with her stepsister. I do think it should be communicated to the person who has the trigger and say “I love the song and I know the history but I am going to be dancing to it at my wedding. I wanted to warn you because of that history. I love you and I want to provide a space for you if you need to leave during that.” She doesn’t have to change it but provide that heads up so her stepsister can plan.

[@twistysunshine]

@@109968shadowboy I mean I would grant her that if she hadn't explicitly said that she just wants the song bc she likes it. It doesn't mean anything to her. Like there are plenty of beautiful love songs, and one I like a lot is La Vie En Rose, but my mom had it at her wedding to my stepdad. They broke up. I didn't have it at my wedding. Bc the associations are already there both for her AND me, and I have respect for my families feelings and "this song is nice" doesn't overcome that. Like, you can listen to the song anytime. And stepsister isn't even really being a dick about this. She's just crying. OP is clearly phrasing everything trying to make it seem like she just can't get over an ex, but that is explicitly not what's going on. Like she can do what she wants at her wedding, but she could also do what she wants with a level of care and understanding from others. She wanted to do this thing that has no care for her sister, then have everyone online make her feel good about it.

[@asterross]

Story 1: Omg, OP is a monster for what she's doing to her step-sister. She is weaponizing a song to hurt her sister, that is awful.

[@ondank]

Story 1 AITA scores break when you discuss them in relation to a person like this. Like this is so horribly cruel and yeah, OP isn't doing this directly to that person, but she is doing everything she can to stick her fingers in a very open wound. I honestly really feel like this is a 5/5 because whilst its not as severe as the kinds of things that would usually earn that score, its also something that OP could so easily change to save someone a huge amount of pain and distress.

[@jasperjazzie]

the people defending op seem to not realize this, even if she wasn't intentionally tryin to hurt her sister, but she's refusing to do this incredibly simple thing to avoid dredging up an extremely traumatic event for her, knowing full well what it would do, it seems like she just doesn't care at all

[@truthseeker9249]

​​​@@jasperjazzie oh please. None of that matters. Your trauma. Your responsibility. End of story. You have to look out for yourself. You can't expect other people to change their lives around for you. Don't think people will baby you and cater to your emotional trauma when it's your responsibility. If something is going to trigger you, remove *yourself* from the situation. Don't go to the event or when the song comes on, step out of the room. Your emotional baggage is not someone else's problem unless they are your partner or child, in other words immediate family. And even then that should be in moderation. Don't change for the world but don't expect the world to change for you. And you guys are really melodramatic with 5/5. Because I thought that 5/5 was reserved for ab*sers. And is OP even close to being some kind of ab*ser? *NO.*

[@henriflego9574]

Story 6 is so damn familiar. My experience with family who work physical labor is they’re super entitled and snobby. No job is ever good enough or hard enough because they have the hardest job in the world and deserve to desert their regular household and familial duties because they work so hard and nobody else works as hard as they do and they want all of the recognition. Even if you did have some form of labor intensive work, it’s not as hard as their job is.

[@redxlaser1562]

First story, EASILY not the butthole. Why? Because she can just walk away for the first song. I have PTSD myself, and sometimes it’s best to just walk away. That’s all that needs to be done. It’s this dude’s wedding, something that’s supposed to be a great experience. They should have the choice to play whatever song they like, and if that’s a problem for someone else they can go out of earshot until it’s done. That’s it, an incredibly easy solution. NTA. Sure, it sucks, it really does, but it feels like basic courtesy to leave than to complain about the song IMO.

[@calycalyps0]

The story with the twins: he is not a roommate He is another child. That child is absolutely out of control. I know this feeling (though thankfully not with that many kids) and even if it seems easier with him, it's not.