Amy // Healing without Hope

Amy was 42 when she journeyed into the pits of withdrawal. Her story includes going from being a mother, a wife, and an avid athlete, to not being able to walk, in a wheelchair, and suffering from all the symptoms withdrawal has to offer. This left Amy with zero hope.
After a full recovery and being able to live life to its fullest, physically and mentally stronger than she has ever been, people often ask her: How did you make it?
Four years later and knowing what it means to have no hope of recovery, she shares how it is actually okay to not have any.

[@DiogoSantos-ix5sl]

I’m on year three, year two off meds; it does get better. Despite setbacks and hiccups!

[@user-du2rs4wk7l]

Finally someone who healed without windows and waves! Gives me hope❤

[@susanbell5835]

I've watched many interviews, and this is one of the best, in my opinion. Having suffered myself through the hell of withdrawal/akathisia, I know that what is talked about here is so important for everyone to hear, including and perhaps especially remembering how you were before and having others remind you of things you accomplished or liked to do in the past, to help find and hold onto the real you that is always there in the midst of the great suffering. Awesome conversation!

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

Thank you so much for the compliment. It’s one of my favorites too and I thought very important for people to hear too!

[@jovel10]

Thank you both so much l for this video! I needed this at this moment. In three days I am 2 years in withdrawel of antidepressant. I hope the symptoms will soon be gone. I recognise so much in your story! It gives me the power to hold on! Much blessings from the Netherlands!❤🍀🙏

[@marjorie6343]

I love you Angie and Amy I am suffering for a long time now , no windows. So much physical pain A mixture from weak and very stiffff painful muscles Incredible neckpain , pain and stiffnes in my whole body I am crying a lot , but will be live for my family, son and grandchildren You give me hope with this video. A lot of love from the Netherlands ❤🇳🇱🇳🇱

[@leathmcbride8016]

Thank you for this interview. ❤

[@carolynbiggianibieber1453]

Such a blessing to have found you with 24hrs of my own dismal mental health discovery. I’ve been on and off so many brain altering antidepressants & anti anxiety medications over the last 20+years! After speaking with my Therapist this morning we agreed I will need to change this. I meet with my Psychiatrist next week to discuss medication. I feel so betrayed by feeling withdrawal effects that make me stop trying. Many Blessings Angie 🙏🏼❤️

[@mitch5222]

Can u share more about which psych meds did u take? I have been ploydruged for 10 years. What are your symtoms and at what age did start taking it?

[@KathleenMottinger]

A good message about hope It comes and goes 😢. It WILL come again. Never give up. Enough time will bring back the hope. HOPE is around the corner. Wait on the Lord, be if good courage and He will strengthen your heart. Wait on the Lord. ❤

[@sweetvictory3100]

I'm actually facing death becuz of this, I had pre-existing stuff before benzos WD, it's all been too much, I didn't have an accurate godly foundation before trials, one must have hope, at least for me, I'm crumbling in this, I don't have hope here and I'm struggling to be able to connect with anything beyond here, I'm terrified and in an altered state of reality due to how bad my situation is

[@trueblue450]

@@sweetvictory3100right there with you. My body was destroyed and no doctors will ever take blame

[@dustygatrell-ru7tg]

​@@sweetvictory3100jesus christ died for our sins an rose on the 3rd day . He payed the price for our sins so we won't have to . Repent an put your faith in jesus an youll be saved. Read the Bible as much as u can .Jesus is your foundation . I hope you get better soon.

[@sweetvictory3100]

@@dustygatrell-ru7tg what does repent even mean, I feel like I'm living in an altered state of reality and can't grasp this even though I've heard it so many times

[@dustygatrell-ru7tg]

@@sweetvictory3100 means to turn away from sins. An to turn to Jesus.

[@scooterandsophie]

Thank you again Angie (and Amy) . You’re making it with no hope has given me hope 😊

[@tigerlily9234]

The more I watch Angie, the more I love her. 🙏 Thank you ❤

[@tamihenderson4500]

I’m so proud of you Amy

[@incognito595]

Benzos: After Almost two years since the last one, Cold Turkey Severe Darkness. Unremitting. Constant reminders of the life I used to have. It's hard to remember who I used to be, and what they stole from me.

[@THXx1138]

Took me a few years but the "me" I used to be started to resurface. I am certainly traumatized by the experience but recognize some healing. I hope this for you also. It could be this time next year you'll look back and see that you have healed a bit.

[@0827tt5xc]

@@THXx1138 did you have akathisia? Extreme mental anxiety?

[@jessicasmoot2252]

Thank you for this. I don’t have meds withdrawal but very similar symptoms and I appreciate the story of having no breaks.

[@Mrnomadnworb]

I really enjoyed this episode. East and West Americans are uniquely different in a very cool way. Keep up the fantastic work Angie!

[@rachaelhernandez7264]

So I know you’ve interviewed a few women now who were also moms at the time of being on, tapering and going through withdrawal. It seems like it’s not talked about much when it comes to how they took care of their kids, how they dealt with having kids and if they got outside help, if their significant other had to stay home, how they dealt with still remaining “available” for their children and being a mom in general. Idk, I have two kids and my journey started when they were very young, like 8 & 10 years old and they are now 15 & 18 and I’m actually just now in the worst of the withdrawals I’ve experienced and I’m entering 8 months off. I feel like my biggest struggle is being a mom and going through this, both mentally and physically. I just wonder how other people go through it when they also still had to be mom and how were, or are their kids affected.

[@rachaelhernandez7264]

By the way, I was patiently waiting for this interview! I too was a soccer player and worked and super active then it all was taken away literally over night after a stupid surgery!

[@sweetvictory3100]

I lost my son, my ex husband left me, lost my job, my apartment, everything and now I'm facing death, I had pre-existing issues and then went massively downhill in 2018, it was only this year I put the pieces together, I'm in pieces

[@lenkaschroeder8415]

I am mom of two daughters ages 11 and 8. My husband is amazing and is helping take good care of them. They are seeing this hell scape and it's hard for me to watch them watch me cry, wail, dry heave, pace, lie in bed when I was once so vibrant. I can cuddle them at night sometimes and tell them that I love them and I am going to get better eventually but I feel incredibly heartbroken to see their helplessness. I keep telling them I want to take them traveling and ride bikes with them and go see their performances when I'm better. I'm in acute withdrawal from cold turkey off 22 years of Lexapro. I'm currently tapering Ativan and holding on Mirtazapine and Lamictal at low doses. I'm 45. I was a therapist with a full vibrant private practice before this. I'm 6 months off Lexapro and 3 months deep in protracted withdrawal. Angie's stories are what help me hang on

[@Jwks91]

I suffered a setback the same month I got pregnant, I was pregnant with all this shit and had a baby and I got so much worse over time, no idea why. It’s been 18 months in a horrible setback. I have a 9,5-month old and my elderly mum has to help me because after stopping breastfeeding (I think) the worst wave ever hit me and I just cannot handle taking care of my baby for hours at a time. Electricity in my body, head pressure and nerve pain. It’s so maddening 😢 I just hope I will get better one day and she will not remember me like this.

[@Jwks91]

@@lenkaschroeder8415I am so sorry ❤ I hope you get better soon.

[@julieadams5389]

Excellent video. Thank you so much.😊

[@kimviancourt941]

Another great one, Angie. I really liked the "have a friend text you a great memory." That was powerful advice.

[@vikasgupta1828]

Thanks

[@user-lm7hl8zr8q]

God work Angie 💜

[@tamaraharding5046]

Precious warrior women!❤️🥰

[@virgieden]

God bless you & us all!🙏❤️🙏

[@dustygatrell-ru7tg]

Im sorry yall had to go threw this. I know whats its like . Its good to see yall made it threw tho .

[@JacquiQ]

Wow. What a f*cked up medical/drug system. I am tapering Benzo's. Thank you for sharing some very good and helpful insights. Sorry you both have had to go through such hell to learn them.

[@mitch5222]

It has been 7 and half years now. I dont have any good memories how it is be like healthy and this scares me a lot. I cant imagine how can i heal from all of this and trauma that is killing me.

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

You have to make new memories and write a new life once the suffering lets up. Your past is gone. We can live a new future.

[@justdesi86]

​@@AngiePeacockMSW does this also mean that there won't be debilitating trauma left after this? I always ruminate over being stuck because very little is possible for me in withdrawal.

[@incognito595]

Just hang on. You are worth it. I wish I had Someone to say that to Me! But I'm saying it to you.

[@mitch5222]

@@incognito595 what about trauma? Every memory is bad and it triggers my thoughts and i starts shaking and get panic attacks. I am also disabled person and cannot go much out.

[@ellaMel4632]

@@mitch5222l know what you mean, drugs trial l went through left me disabled and lm also limited in what l can do , plus weight loss that continues, it’s very scary. I don’t know what interventions caused your problems, but mine were definitely because of meds trials and l m trying to taper one at the moment and cannot see a good end to it 😢

[@cm23307]

I respect the journey of all people Angie interviews. I have been hoping to find someone come on who has lived through psychosis and come out the other side of meds and withdrawl. Is there such a person?

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

Can you specify if the psychosis was pre-existing or from the meds or from the withdrawal?

[@cm23307]

@@AngiePeacockMSW Psychosis caused by withdrawal from meds.

[@taraard6813]

@@cm23307 Dan Landers came out of psychosis. Angie did an interview with him.

[@incognito595]

​​​@@cm23307That would be ME. I HAD NO IDEA I WAS EXPERIENCING THAT! REALLY SHOCKING. IT WENT ON FOR A LONG TIME. I didn't put that together for a long time.

[@alicemason8851]

Post partum is such a problem. I wish I could know how Amy got off all the meds. Thank you for this. ❤

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

She shared how in the video. Here’s why how she and I both had it done to us, is not recommended way to go: www.madinamerica.com/2022/11/detox-facilities-psych-wards/

[@Uma921]

❤

[@rachaelhernandez7264]

Sorry for all my comments, but does anyone have lots of “brain” symptoms? I have major migraines and headaches, dizziness, and weird head things that are hard to explain!

[@alicemason8851]

I do. Head pressure, headaches and dizziness

[@rachaelhernandez7264]

@@alicemason8851 How do you deal with them? My are daily and nights are the worst! Mine are left sided and both my eyes. Migraines too.

[@matthewrobinson2242]

I have insane head issues and brain issues. Like the center of my brain is injured and unattached. Tons of pressure. Can’t explain it at all. I wake after 2-3 hrs sleep and it’s like my brain and body are trying to connect. Total disconnect from myself or world around me. Past present future. I know. Crazy. Endless terror response over and over and over anytime my system tries to rest or relax.

[@rachaelhernandez7264]

@@matthewrobinson2242 yes! Sleep is the worst for me and waking…mornings are horrific!

[@Jwks91]

Yeah. I have pressure and squeezing, but also electrical storms, a pulling sensation like someone is tugging at my brain or like something is trying to suck my brain out, weird brain surges. Nerve pain in the head on top of that. Probably more I don’t remember.

[@mitch5222]

Hi. I have seen you 1hr coaching session are only available in may and i will book it. We already have a session last year. I dont see any hope anymore. It has been almost 7 years and half after my last dose of polydrugged medication. I really dont know what i am doing wrong or what kind of damage i have. One week i am little better next 10 days are brutal. From delusions, pain, shaking, sweating, depersionalization, no energy I dont understand how is this possible after so many years. It is brutal. Is it some mental ilnesses i dont know about (bipolar, shizophrenia, etc ..). I cant take it anymore. Any advice would be helpful til our session.

[@incognito595]

Small tasks, completed. Then congratulate yourself. Build on that a little at a time... ..

[@upnorth62]

How long did Amy use amitriptyline? I'm still taking 0.5 ativan but it doesn't seem to be working. Just wondering if amitriptyline would help with muscle tension and diaphragm pain? Still wake up with morning dread and feel like ending things. Don't know how to deal with the dark thoughts. Never had this before the zoloft withdrawal and know dealing with ativan. I think the ativan is not helping. I guess I should contact you for a consult, I have nobody to help me. .

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

You have to be really careful adding drugs. Please read about benzo tolerance and as you taper Benzo’s, you will have withdrawal symptoms. Adding more drugs mean more drugs to taper- if your plan is to come for everything. It’s up to you what you decide to do long term but please read about all of this before making decisions.

[@aashish551]

I am.27 months off severely brain damaged. My left side body tightening 24/7 lik dystonia. I dont see any improvements. I cant take this. I saw ur recovery u didnt ve this i guess. Dystonia i met ppl off 10 years n still the same😢

[@mitch5222]

What medication and for how long did you take?

[@neetujogi8087]

​@@mitch5222klonopin and antidepressant for 12 years

[@crookedrain771]

I have zero windows and I have the same nerve pain

[@nigelworthington6637]

I am no better having been so poly drugged after the ct from zopiclone 5 years ago and nobody saw it as withdrawls. Off all meds now but in such a severe state and don't feel like I will ever recover. Please plesse can anybody suggest anything.

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

I recognize your name. You need some time to heal. You will get there.

[@karenrehm9423]

Angie, How long ?are you in SanDiego?

[@user-ps5vz2un6h]

Did you have internal tremors and involuntary muscle movements/twitches

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

Boy yes I sure did! Lots of twitches, pulling, pain, squirmy feelings inside. Even my brain would wiggle. Makes no sense!

[@kata6966]

Is there anyway to know what symptoms Amy was feeling with her heart? My son experiences heart palpitations that come and go. The discomfort makes him want to give up. He’s been poly-drugged by the system, but now he’s on one medication, Clozapine. We’re trying to do a slow taper, but he still has psychotic episodes, some days less than others. He takes one capsule of potassium every night. It’s 99 mg. I am now wondering if he may need more. I would love for Amy to answer because we are out of luck with finding a good local doctor. We’ve been let down so many times by the system and by the so-called professionals. It’s been costly in every way.

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

Please seek medical clearance to make sure he is healthy while tapering. But yes, psych drugs and withdrawal can cause all kinds of weird heart pounding, flutters, and fast heart rate. You should ALWAYS check these symptoms out to make sure there is nothing else going on. Also, he should be monitored for potassium levels because getting too much of that when you don’t need it can cause death.

[@ellaMel4632]

It’s so difficult to have hope in situation when l don’t see improvement, just more symptoms 😢. I’m trying to reduce Ativan taken nightly for insomnia because it’s bad side effects , I lost a lot of weight, lm underweight also , so it’s a huge concern for me , most testimonies, videos, people usually have steady weight . If it wasn’t for significant weigh loss , I probably would handle things better😢

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

Many people either lose weight or gain weight. It’s very common.

[@ellaMel4632]

@@AngiePeacockMSW how do you taper benzo when tolerance has been built and person has withdrawals symptoms already, does it mean that it will never be successful and symptoms will never go away?

[@jeamcoke]

This is Amy from the interview. I totally lost weight! I was 120 to start with and went down to 103. At 5’5 I was a skeleton. I threw up so much and was constantly gagging or nauseous. I FORCED myself to eat….like every 2 hours. Many times around the clock since I was awake all night. It was extremely difficult!!! I always say to take care of your nutrition as MUCH as you can. But for me it was a constant battle. I worked real hard trying not to waste to nothing. All I can say is that afterwards….i came back to normal and i weigh right at 120 again!

[@ellaMel4632]

@@jeamcoke hi Amy, l lost more weight at this point, went from 130 to 101 currently and weight loss continues unfortunately, which is very scary. You were lucky then that you could eat every couple hours, l absolutely couldn’t, l eat 2 full meals and a snack everyday, and sometimes l have to force meals or have discomfort or pain at the worst, so it’s absolutely impossible to eat every couple hours for me. But maybe it matters what drug you are tapering and if you had side effects from it. This is my situation, l got stuck with drug Ativan that causes weight loss for me ( among other things)from the beginning and l didn’t catch up on it for quite a while. It really messed up my GI badly and now it’s impossible to feed myself around the clock. Very frightening, so if you can eat frequently, that’s great but is not always an option. Also time you were on benzo matters a lot, l don’t think you mentioned time on Ativan Amy . You were lucky to find doctor who helped you .

[@diefilmkitchenjohannessand2173]

How long does it take her to recover?

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

She says in the video - she’s 4 years off and living a full life now.

[@susanfitzgerald417]

Is she still taking amitryptiline ?

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

yes, a very very very small dose.

[@julierogers4473]

So there is no help for us poor people.. I might as well just die.

[@AngiePeacockMSW]

We have each other.

[@julierogers4473]

@@AngiePeacockMSW I need help! PM doctor is mad at me because I'm injured from the Diaz! Now he is jurkig me around with my pain meds and muscle relaxers 🥺 I think he is trying to kill me or get me to do something to get kicked out of his practice.. so much pain 😩😭🤬

[@incognito595]

I think many feel that way, but are afraid to Say It.