Unmasking Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Their Abuse with RUTH JACOBS in CAMBRIDGE, UK (In the Booth)

Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited (www.narcissisti...), shares his knowledge and personal experience of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
"In the Booth with Ruth - Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited" Filmed by Paul Henley (www.scarylion.co.uk) & Produced by Matthew Lynch (www.jlfilmandmedia.com)
www.ruthjacobs....

[@alenasamara]

He is brilliant. Not many people have that capacity of self awareness.

[@alenasamara]

@@theSpiritofTamzin Neither did I. Narcissism and self awareness are supposed to be mutually exclusive. But his understanding, sounds to me, also is coming from his own realization, and not only his expansive learning. Of course, I'm not an expert in his field. And maybe, they do emulate this well...

[@samvaknin]

Narcissists and self-awareness samvak.tripod.com/2.html

[@milomilo55]

​@@AlexAlcyone I wondered about that myself. Her idea of an ultimate reward or validation? Sounds kinda narcissistic lol.

[@lanctermann7261]

I agree, it's very rare in this world.

[@jeffinetlyjeffbi9770]

Do bloat the ego.... Lol jk Sam I think you are a brilliant person, your helping people. Although still I am on the fence about your narrcassit traits, as I am autistic like most i like lables "call it as you see it" I just don't think you are anything like the narrcassit i ran into or was raised by. I see a soul in you not like the others

[@Tomatoman857]

And you can't love someone enough to fix them, either. Ty, Sam. Your site helped me more than did my therapist eight years ago!

[@cathycruz9673]

Jim Griffin Sam's book helped me light years at the time in understanding my relationship as well - well said, actually the more you love them the more they walk on you..

[@mahimahi9834]

Jim Griffin I

[@skippy5712]

Many therapists are useless. Especially now that many study Psychology to try and diagnose there own problems. Many with very Low Esteem. They will come across as too nice to be true or unfeeling types. One just as bad as the other. The too nice to be true are the really dangerous.

[@skippy5712]

@Master Bei Shen True. Unfortunately that is the way our Society is. All fields!

[@skippy5712]

@@DrShawnaFreshwater Its not just there Training. So many of them have very low Self Esteem of there own. They may be OK for some purely routine Jobs but hopeless as Analysts and Counsellors.

[@katepdm6660]

I am so happy I am out of this relationship just 2 days ago- he threatened that he would physically harm me. And he had done it once, but I was foolish enough to believe he would change. Thank god this hell lasted for only 4 months. Don't trust people about whom your gut feeling goes berserk, people. Have some faith in yourselves. Don't make my mistakes.

[@nancystevens7447]

Amazing, I was married to a narcissist for 40 yrs. Never heard I’m sorry,or even why he did what he did. This man is a rare bird for sure. Narcissist’s are unable to respond to the damage they do,they seem almost numb. Thanks for the video,I’ve learned quite a lot.

[@sakara4562]

That was a very insightful interview. It actually makes me very sad for those people suffering with BPD & NPD, but not sad enough to ever let another one near me again, that's how they reel you in.

[@kimberlys.t.7206]

Yes I agree

[@courtneycondit]

Amen and well said!

[@beverlyhills8988]

I wouldn't liken someone with borderline to a narcissist like that though. They're fucking difficult people to deal with, but they don't run around looking for victims. There isn't the malice that you can find with NPD.

[@memecathar1263]

As Carl Jung said, put all your ignorant theories behind you and witness their actual soul. Something I bet that is very difficult for the misinformed and unread “pro-science” teenagers of KZbin commentville.

[@escarlit]

@@beverlyhills8988they pose the same threats to the well-being of others so that distinction doesn’t matter much.. if at all.

[@lynnscott4882]

My mom never saw me as separate from her. I guess I picked up on that early. When I was 9, I announced to my parents that I realized that I didn't really exist.

[@hubbiezzhen4815]

What did you do after?

[@frugalfrugal1307]

God had a plan for you Sam. We are so grateful for you in our community. Thank you & much respect.

[@orsolyaritter7292]

The most typical criteria is that they never admit that there is something wrong with them, they blame others. He is unusual in that respect.

[@orsolyaritter7292]

@R J hmmmm......I don’t consider myself a fan of him.... Neither a victim of a narcissist...... However, you really made me think it over about his real intention. Yeah.... Tricky....I also have a question. So you think there is no way a narcissist could ever change or try to overcome his narcissist personality disorder? I think he actually found a good way to deal with it without torturing others.

[@Србомбоница86]

@@orsolyaritter7292 its impossible,trust me,I have NPD,it never goes away,for us its better to be away from people and for others is better also

[@weirdballoon8193]

Some of them are actually aware of their issue. And they are very proud of it, they consider themselves as “unique”, “special”. They don’t try eliminate their “bad behavior” until there is a real big threat to their way of life. Until that moment they make people to deal with their “bad behavior”.

[@dawnmellon3834]

@@xBINARYGODx IF there is any way for a Narc to help others to identify, understand and most importantly BEWARE OF narcissists and narcissistic abuse then, even if it provides narcissistic supply for this person, let him have it, regardless of his motivation. In this manner he/she will obtain necessary supply while being their most unlikely to harm others. This man seems to have struck this balance. He is broken and he knows it and his channel for obtaining supply is most admirable and almost seemingly unprecedented in the world of NPD. Bravo.

[@dinnerwithvera3849]

You can’t love someone enough to fix them.

[@Србомбоница86]

narcissists HATE love ,they hate being loved also

[@janedoe7315]

​@@Србомбоница86 I have been very damaged and found a similarly damaged partner who lavished me with extraordinary love and care. I eventually gave the same in return and we made each others needs of equal importance. We enjoyed such a deep bond and sweet love together for 20 years in our marrriage. It was the only time I was really happy in life and was always taken care of after a child hood of negect. You can help and undrstand eachother.

[@mariehalsey8892]

@@janedoe7315 that's wonderful...happy for you

[@Biofitsolutions]

This interview with Sam is the best, most insightful overview of NPD and BPD I have seen or heard in my 12 years of researching, reading, and studying the cluster B personality disorders. A must-see for victims of domestic violence whose abuser is suspected of having a personality disorder.

[@user-dw2fn1px8n]

Came here to say exactly this. This guy is from another 🌎 world.

[@lizisler9415]

And if so don’t you suspect ? How can he be a ‘true’ narcissist. He may be self aware but to this extent? I have my doubts.

[@derksenjenny]

i think they are highly represented in the medical field ..

[@ronniespain7142]

Jenny Derksen very Truthful

[@betsytucker5937]

The co-dependents and empaths are also highly represented. When I started t o research covert narcissism, I was amazed by so many therapists sharing what they had gone through in these relationships, and many openly admitting their co-dependence.

[@skippy5712]

Very prevalent in the Specialist Doctor area. Very prevalent in USA Politics.

[@mjade1673]

@@natashaevsimon1441 yes. And i think counterdependents are highly represented there as well 👍

[@grannysweet]

Lawyers, drs., upper management, principals, police, politicians, clergy, pta moms- they are fu@king everywhere .

[@masterbakers]

Great analogy, "it makes no difference whether the child is put on the pedestal or the pedestal is put on the child"

[@viviennejohnston5203]

I never thought I'd say this but he has changed my life .

[@LoveiDora]

Vivienne Johnston are you narcissist?

[@brainiac31K]

If Narcissus had simply leaned over the water, checked his teeth, gave his hair the once-over, smiled and went about his day, he’d have a healthy degree of reflection and self esteem. Instead, he could not stop gazing at his reflection, fell in and drowned. Thank you, Mr. Vaknin.

[@shellysims1182]

along with DID, borderline and personality disorders the abused child can develop ptsd untreated throughout life can become complex.

[@gwenporter9666]

I was married to a narcissist and did not know it until a few days ago. I was married to a man for 17 years and always thought something was wrong with me, my daughters. I always wondered why he didn't love us. He was cold hearted, arrogant, umempathetic, could ignore a person for "months" at a time and wouldn't care who was hurt by the behavior. He is very intelligent, cognitively. I was used. The marriage was the 2nd for us, each. He had 4 children and i had one. He and his four, treated my child like she was filth on the floor. He and his girls (yes, all girls) treated the both of us the same the last few years. Once the last child (his) graduated from high school, he had his plan to get rid of me. I was hit with divorce papers within 2 months. He once told me in his anger as i tried to stand up against his foul treatment, "Do you know who you are talking to? I am a DOCTOR!!!" He had affairs with other ladies, i found out after the divorce. But for some dumb reason, i wanted to have him back!!! Being with this man caused me to hate my daughter, myself and life. Now that i am familiar with this personality, i am now feeling i can move on and not have to be bombarded with thoughts of "what's wrong wth me? What went wrong? He found someone else who looks better, etc." Whomever gets him at this point will see the same arrogance once the charm is gone and the real person is released... I now understand that the signs i saw were not just schizophenia and bi-polar tendencies. But the label of narcissism is most appropriate. With what i lived through, i understand fully why his former wife's relatives say he could've killed her. Not saying he took a gun and shot her and hid the evidence... However, he could've emotionally devastated her to the point where her body couldn't take anymore of his foul treatment. There is evidence that people die from being emotionally abused and having a broken heart. Thanks for this important unmasking of knowledge you have poured out. It is like therapy. One day i want to be able to share with the world the hurt my child and i suffered. The abuse we suffered has got to be used to inform people of what type monsters these personalities can be if they don't find ways to get out of the way. But most of all, get your biological children away from them. They can be hurt in ways that could shatter their self-worth beyond repair...

[@Booboonancy]

Elizaveta Z ... I’m sure you are pleased with your clever assessment but you come off as immature and just plain nasty. You also show your ignorance about narcissistic abuse. Get a clue.

[@yasminebahemia8486]

I can feel you

[@Isaaaaaa515]

The real victim here is your daughter.

[@anamartafaial1916]

I know what it is…..i really know…..

[@yvonce7309]

I am from an Extreme abusive home and I'm codependent, PTSD etc.....I never had a real childhood. I feel cheated and angry. When you date a Narc they are exciting in the beginning and the treatment feels Familiar because that's all you knew growing up is abuse.The ups and downs of dating the Narc usually wears you out and mentally breaks you all the way down. You are a toy in the Narc FUN HOUSE. Run and throw away the Key. I'm NARC FREE!!!

[@samvaknin]

Read about inverted narcissists: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq66.html

[@dabarefootbombshell]

@@samvaknin Can you do more videos on the inverted narcissists? I hate how codependent personality types act as though our personalities are not damaging as well. All the focus is on the Narc did this, the narc did that but we actually reward Narc behavior and crave it because we get to be the victim even though we are abusing too.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

I can relate to that personally Elmer, that is why I really don't enjoy interacting with people much, and why I do not trust people easily either.

[@evemichael3850]

Wow incredible woman. Strong beyond belief.

[@evemichael3850]

Thank you for sharing! Xx!

[@Dinoslay]

The self-fulfilling irony of life is that the most defensive mechanisms are often the most destructive mechanisms. Narcissism is the biggest defense frenzy the world will ever know. The tragedy is that the protective shield that should maintain the user's well-being actually helps drain it not just from them but others too. If such a repercussion never existed the world would be a lot better place. Thank you for making these videos, they are very insightful and will benefit many.

[@FM-gv4yl]

yes indeed

[@mjade1673]

🙏said well

[@DarkMadamX83]

I'm going to screenshot this. Amazing philosophy here. Thank you

[@question2know662]

Thank you for your willingness to be honest.

[@sofiadorrell99]

my god, this guy's brilliant

[@tiffanyking5271]

Sofia Dorrell RIGHT

[@DoctorJames]

Absolutely! I am only ten minutes in and cannot believe what I'm hearing given my own experience having been married to a malignant narcissist. His intelligence and ability to impart knowledge is astounding, no matter what else you might think of him otherwise. I'm just hoping to be able to get a transcript because every word is so worthy of writing down.

[@mjade1673]

@@disme2072 IMO to say someones brain being broken from their own soul is a choice is actually a really pathetic way to re-victimize oneself over and over continually again. But what do i know? I am merely learning from the same world

[@lollypopnarcy7585]

Yes

[@TheKeishana]

Well because , within him there might be a character, only he knows about.

[@Nina_Olivia]

It’s a true privilege to watch this interview between two courageous, intelligent, authentic / self-aware individuals. I have immense respect for them both.

[@MeenaHarlow-kx4fz]

It’s so sad that he had to go through everything he did and now is really trying to help. He’s so good even though he claims to be terrible. I like this guy a lot.

[@111Phoenix777]

This is one of the best explanations I've ever heard.

[@PrimeM92]

This is so insightful! I've known a number of narcissists in my lifetime and I've always suspected that they each had dysfunctional upbringings. This video reminds me of a person I once knew who had to be the best at everything. He exuded supreme confidence, was extremely arrogant and ultra-competitive. He would always boast about his academic achievements and sexual conquests. I was on friendly terms with him but hated his high-handed behaviour. I later found out that he had been sexually abused as a child. He revealed that his abuser had been tracked down by the police and that he'd been summoned to testify in court. I remember seeing his air of confidence completely diminish to the point that he was a shivering, tearful wreck. All the resentments I had held against him completely evaporated. I never saw him again as he moved away but I really hope he's ok now.

[@jcbanbury]

Holy crap, that's the most powerful I've heard this year!

[@survivorvibe7448]

I left home in 1976 at age 15. I have PTSD probably because i grew up in an abusive and violent home environment. When i left home my then 8 year old sister took my place as being the caregiver of the family. We have an irresponsible and emotionally abusive and neglectful mother. We reunited in 1986 but i felt no connection towards my parents and distant towards my siblings except for this sister coz i knew she had it really bad growing up. I always give her something whenever we see each other. My other younger sister thinks she was sexually molested as a child 2018 Nov was when i discovered that she had been triangulating my other siblings and discovered she told lies about me to my then 24 year old daughter. I stop seeing her for two years then last year 2018 i confronted her about her evil behavior and lo and behold i discovered her incoherence and that is when i searched about NPD. She is a malignant covert Narcissist. They are liars and thieves, envious and jealous I am at a loss being the eldest in the family and the target of her rage ( due to envy) how can i help her seek therapy. She is down and out financially due to mishandling of her finances

[@almetaredmond2224]

Survivor Vibe what you can do to help her is pray that she acknowledges her Mental state & stay away & keep your mind healthy because it can get the best of you worrying about family who don’t want to get mental help for themselves.

[@survivorvibe7448]

Almeta Redmond Thank you.

[@girlplaymm]

Sam your videos are the absolute best on the subject. I especially like the concise way that the information is presented. Thank you so much for sharing your work in such a helpful and meaningful way.!! Most sincerely, Margaret.

[@girlplaymm]

HaaHaaHaaa

[@SGKeiana]

This made me cry..he describes it all in ways I never knew how to put into words. He is so very right...the part that makes me sad is I can think back to ppl who I've detested because they were narcissistic and actually attribute their behavior to being that empty shell that they in no way purposely caused on themselves as children. It is so sad to have your sense of self stripped and extinguished, and end up becoming some falsehood just to endure the pain of that loss. This explains why people seem one way in the beginning of a relationship, and then over time as he said, the narcissist takes over...I know full and well how it feels. Your false self senses the fear and danger and takes action as soon as a relationship reaches a certain point. I know as soon as I think I have someone I really don't want to lose, I become so afraid that I'm gonna mess it up and they're going to abandon me, and I'm going to lose the very thing making me happy. I just want to actually be happy and not have to fear losing it, because happiness in my past is something I rarely ever really truly felt. If I were ever happy, someone, usually my own mother, had to SQUASH it right out of me, like I never once deserved it.

[@SGKeiana]

Carbfiend Jack Oh wow, that post was a year ago, I've changed a lot, can hardly believe I typed that :O Yay for growth!

[@SGKeiana]

Clinton Springer I was probably a codependent more than narcissist, but with certain narcissistic tendencies that would surface at specific times. I've been working on it since I made that post, I keep to myself and not depend on others for happiness. :)

[@szebibi]

My son has Aspergers syndrome and he shows all the characteristics of NPD, I mean ALL. The two are connected. I read lately a book called "10% Human" which can explain so many types of brain dysfunction. I recommend the book, it is very enlightening.

[@The_Red_Pill__]

szebibi, Some ADD & ADHD have common traits as well... there seems to be connections.

[@mjade1673]

@@szebibi I see no reason to jump to that conclusion currently. Having a like symptom does not equal same root cause. It would be fascinating if you could illustrate other reasons to come to this conclusion than symptom or co-morbidity.

[@CodingMazaa]

What he has done in this interview is to provide a warning signal to potential victims of abusers. We cannot stop every evil nor should we even avenge it, but we can and do have the right to be on our guard against abusers who wear the "mask of sanity"

[@user-od4op6ng9y]

Well said. I really wish I knew about this stuff before I fell victim to one who took 2 years of my life, then God knows how much more time its going to take to heal from it. The emotional trauma I endured and still continue to is so painful i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. It would be nice if they started to teach about it in school so kids can have the knowledge to spot this behavior in hopes they do not fall victim. Some days I even wonder if I will ever get over the damage she caused. Whats even more sad is they prey on the weak and vulnerable and slowly over time break them down and make them question their own sanity. To me, this is evil at it's purest.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

GS S I lost 20+ years and had to raise his child alone. The first time I didn't know what it was, but I was tricked and abused when pregnant. I left and raised my son alone. It took 5 years to feel normal. The second time, I fell prey again. Now I educate myself and try to heal my childhood wounds, so I won't attract another one. I try to raise my vibration and continue healing and isolate from the world. Now I'm aware of them and can spot them more quickly. The predators rule the planet including psychopaths!! Disgusting! Studies show the numbers are dramatically increasing.

[@lykakinchen7601]

@@sweettartgoodstuff438 How were you tricked and abused when pregnant? I'm worried I might be in the same situation..

[@taraswertelecki7874]

The speaker has delivered the most devastatingly accurate and poetic condemnation of narcissists I have encountered thus far. It appears however there is a cure for narcissism after all, self-awareness, or at least something that acts like a control rod in a nuclear reactor.

[@MrTonkacat]

This mans a gift to all on both sides of NPD , the abused and the abusers. If your ready to hear his genius

[@janetwilliams5765]

There is no mention here of the codependents who are abused. Let’s not forget them!

[@mjade1673]

🤔He said he hurt all in his life.

[@AccredPros]

I learned the most from Dr Sam Vaknin on the topic of narcissim. I'm so thankful for his brilliance and for being so forthcoming.

[@Quizzical106]

Thank you for producing one of the very few videos I've seen that actually tries to humanise the narcissist. I have noticed almost all of the chat lines, videos comments etc. villainize and bully the narcissist by the hundreds of thousands of victims apparently. Very insightful video which unfortunately leaves me with little hope. There must be more of us than I ever imagined.

[@laurac964]

This is the best explanation. I have ever seen . Just love his clarity

[@ImadeUlook]

In my eyes, you're a warrior - you've owned the actions of your consequences and creating awareness of NPD, directly from a sufferer of NPD. Thank you for your service and going against the typical grain of those with NPD, who believe they are never at fault. My wish for you, is to reap what you're sowing now, being real happiness and love. I'm a victim of narcissistic abuse and I respect your willingness for other victims to receive affirmation on some level as well as answers to what happened to us.

[@orionism42]

I could always tell when my ex narc was lying as soon as she started talking

[@cozeeetv]

OMGGGGGGGGG, finally - I got it!!!!!!!!!! This is me! Now I can begin the work of modifying the behaviors that I thought were healthy. Thank you 🙏

[@latonyadavis1803]

Narcissist are not happy thats the false self and different masks but when that mask fall off their super angry and mad

[@samvaknin]

False Self samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html Masks samvak.tripod.com/narcissismemotional.html

[@metfanmetfan1477]

Yeah i noticed today im unmasking a coworker to my colleagues and he discards me all the time sais i have isues my heart pounding but i didn't show an inch of my feeling still tears me appart i get them to see how he really is it's so hard to let them see that but i must be patient but i feel i have no time to lose please give me some advice im scared for my loved ones thank you

[@joannaoconnor9418]

Latonya Davis yes the only genuine emotion I ever saw from my ex was his rage. Everything else was artificial

[@stevensullivan5282]

Always

[@marcioviannaf]

Agreed. This was one of the clearest talks by Sam Vaknin I've seen so far, but I didn't get him when he said narcissists go happy through their lives. Even Hitler, who went very far, was getting more and more anxious as the war drew to its end. Even Sam, who is so resourceful, hit rock-bottom three times. Narcissists don't only do harm to others but to themselves too.

[@gatrekfan1111]

I knew it! This belief that narcissists are secretly miserable is just something victims tell themselves to feel better, and something therapists say to try and make sense of their behavior, much like this idea that bullies have low self-esteem. It's not true. Narcissists are happy. Their lives are easy because the idea that they are less than perfect never even registers as a conscious thought. If they have no empathy, they are never burdened with conscience about the things they have done.

[@bbfreetube]

Darn, I have been going to church and realizing how many are narcissists. After being married to one, and not understanding, I can see it now in clergy, media, hollywood, and politicians. Thanks for this video.

[@cherisunday]

I'm thankful more research was made, and light was shed on the subject of narcissism.

[@rebecca_stone]

17:20 This is probably one of the clearest explanations of the origins of a personality disorder that you're likely to find online. As someone who is now long in remission from BPD, hearing this has helped me so much. It is great that Dr Vaknin speaks publicly about this. Whether he's listened to is another matter...

[@100celt9]

As a narcissist myself I have been on a long road of self discovery especially when observing others with simular trates. I've found it fascinating and learned a lot about human behaviour and about myself. Understanding that my early adoption, the constant feeling of abandonment and loneliness and my parents behaviour had all contributed to my disfunctional way of thinking feeling and actions. If life isn't working out the way you thought it would and your willing enough to see yourself as part of the problem, observe your behaviour like a case study. You have to drop condemning judgement and trust others around you. If you get shit on accept it's human behaviour by others and try to pick better friends. You are not the second comming and you are not a victim. You have no identity. You just are.

[@maxono1465]

how do you forgive yourself and the people who hurt you? in a similar situation i find it difficult to not be disguted and frustrated by it all

[@100celt9]

Forgiveness. By not forgiving others you just hold on to that negative energy. Anger, jealously, plotting revenge over and over again. Reliving emotion after emotion. It's exhausting, it's toxic both to you and the ones you hold dear to you but most of all what you think has an entire effect on you at a phisical chemical and emotional level, even your DnA when it replicates it's self is altered and damaged. Just look at people who hold on to these and similar thoughts feelings and emotions. Victim or vengeful status. Are they happy and light. Do they attract positive people around them. Do they have deep meaningful conversations with perfect strangers. Do they have a sparkle in their eye. DO THEY LOOK YOUNG. Now for self forgiveness. (See above) but remember this is usually the hardest one. If it's not, you need to look deeper and be truly honest with yourself. If you think it is impossible just remember everything is human nature and has happened a million times before. You were unaware. YOU ARE NOW AWARE! So it all reset and everything counts from now on. Every part of your body from blood to bone is replaced over time so the only thing left is your thoughts. Are you in control of your thinking or do you let others and old memories do it for you? It is the easiest and hardest thing to do. Stop identifing as a something! You are infinite possibility. Just change your thinking with practice and that will have a chain reaction on your entire being from cellular to phisical. Life is a gift and the hurdles that have been thrown in front of you were done for a reason. To learn and evolve. I'm sure you have seen stories of people overcoming catastrophies you couldn't imagine happening to yourself. FEAR OR LOVE. YOUR CHOICE.

[@maxono1465]

@@100celt9 thank you for the long comment, i really appreciate it. were you anxious or worried how i was going to receive your comment? i know that this is counterproductive but if im the one helping or giving advice i catch myself doing that very often.

[@100celt9]

@@maxono1465 if your coming from your heart and truly want to help or give others an insite no, there's no fear. One thing I've learnt is try to stop the judgement of others (analize, yes but don't put them above or below you, just be honest) and don't fear judgement of others. It's usually wrong and says more about them than you but if has substance take it on board. It's all about being brutally honest with yourself. As I've got older I have no time for bullshit, just truth. Life and people are fascinating. Look at it with childlike eyes and childlike questions and a childlike fascination. Make it playfull. If you can't do it with people around you there are plenty of people on line.

[@maxono1465]

@@100celt9 i agree, judging others (and by extension myself) just feels like a lose-lose game where everyone suffers. i also like being brutally honest with myself but i can only apply it in certain areas of my life and not in others, especially when expectations of others and of myself are involved and i cant let myself fail as easily. i agree about life being fascinating, but only if you pay close attention or 'open your pores' as joshua waitzkin puts it. writing with you is definitely fun, thanks for your insight.

[@elektron2kim666]

This explains more than it seems at first.

[@ConsciousHealthWriter]

I just found you. I am so excited to learn more and finally understand how and if I can have a relationship with my father. Honestly I'm afraid of him. He is a psychopath narcissist. I stop talking to him, then I feel guilty for not talking to him, reach out, and then remember why I had stopped talking to him in the first place. This cycle happens over and over again... It is so toxic. Thank you so very much for this channel and for being so open.

[@gurutruecrimeguru1405]

My little son with autism just made my bed while I was in hospital. My Asperger's dad big thing was fighting for human rights as a lawyer. I think it's a misconception that people with Aspergers and autism lack empathy. Some may. I DO think both my son and father process empathy in a kind of strange and off beat different way. But they have it.

[@mjade1673]

Thank you!! Symptoms do not equal same root causes. And variance is a great (easy) place to start in illustrating this to the public. It is simply too medical a fact to be commonly aware of still yet. That a same symptom does not equate the pathology or the treatment/outcome.

[@thegardenofeve]

Yes, many autistics do have empathy, some are extemely empathic. They can have problems to regulate because of it. Other people often don't recognise empathy in autistics, because autistics express it different. For example, when a friend gets left by their partner, most people would comfort them and say things like 'you deserve better' or 'you will find someone better', while the autist would say 'have you found a new place to stay?' As they are concerned about the practical impact on the persons life and they want to fix that for the person, but this can be perceived as unempathic, while actually it is very kind.

[@isabeltaylor1762]

Some high functioning autists have narcissistic pathology. Manipulative, abusive, controlling and petty. I unfortunately, speak from experience. I think it’s important not to become offended just because some of the ND community are afflicted by this personality disorder. Just as some of the NT community are afflicted, too.

[@MustardSeedish]

Listening to this and it's fascinating and enlightening.

[@slopedarmor]

scary too

[@penelopepitstop1707]

Sam is the most important person to listen to on this subject if wishing to learn about the personality type.

[@intelligentcat192]

I agree, Sam Vaknin, you are brilliant! I found this video to be very helpful. Thank you for your work & contribution toward helping people understand these complex personality disorders.

[@estherm.villegasdelatorre6984]

Scary but so useful! ALL parents should watch this video. #stopchildabuse

[@earthhealer1174]

Yes, I agree

[@mjade1673]

And exactly what would unfit parents do with that information🤔. Magic

[@teresathomley3703]

Absolutely.

[@johnnylovessheki]

fragmented beings we have become from less and less love, care, understanding and the wonder of existence

[@BestLife101]

Yup. This is why alot of people end up divorced. So many abused children grow up to become broken adults and put on many masks.

[@elderherrera2238]

The internet has made relationships transactional. As a mere commodity relationships are simple currency. Why bother with a singular narc supply when you can get two. You can groom one and recharge while you exhaust the other. And interchange. Like switching a battery

[@johnnylovessheki]

@@elderherrera2238 sounds like what the gnostics say about archons

[@cathyc1730]

I have never seen a Narc be introspective! Very interesting indeed!

[@samvaknin]

Most narcissists are self-aware and all humans introspect samvak.tripod.com/2.html samvak.tripod.com/faq49.html

[@lilkr8844]

Much respect for this guy having such a selfish self entitled destructive disorder and getting help which is very rare if unheard of to do this and be open and help people is amazing it's so interesting to here the insight of someone with this disorder

[@KatinkaPofmuis]

Sam says that the longer the narcissist's false self remains in place, the more the true self is eroded. Yet, I wonder if the addiction to narcissistic supply doesn't serve a dual purpose : to both feed the false self as well as somehow nurture a deeply buried and injured true self. A true self that the narcissist has fallen completely out of touch with and therefore can no longer get in touch with.

[@LT-mz5yc]

That is why most nacissists tend to gravitate to empaths.

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

​@@LT-mz5yc empaths? Just people that feel empathy? Or the tiktok empaths that are cluster B peeps 😂

[@biancaturner725]

unfortunately one has to hit rock bottom....until they are open to look into a mirror and admit about themselves.

[@gilmourishgilmourish6205]

When they hit rock bottom is because the abused was so depressed and left the abuser . Rock bottom takes a second, mostly the new supply is already there for a new cycle of abuse. I left, ex walks in. Done deal. Nothing happened cause you have never existed. When a cow doesn’t give enough milk, it’s the slaughter house. That’s a fact. When I got surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome on both wrists, nearly died the same day and rushed back to hospital, he said to me a few days later “now that you are handicapped I will need to replace you”. 14 days later I left and never went back.

[@joeo7257]

It is a personality disorder. Simply change their personality. See how that works!

[@milo4ever326]

I wish I watched this before...My Ex-narc just got arrested AGAIN after only 5 months, just sabotaged his whole life all over again.

[@jamesw3888]

Please make a video in which you speak directly to the Narcissists themselves, and offer your suggestions, techniques, strategies, therapies, etc., that they might utilize to heal, ameliorate, soften, diminish, de-weaponize, etc., their dysfunctional and hurtful behaviors. I thank you in advance.

[@crisl9079]

K, problem is though narcs never have a problem so never do any self evaluation, thus see no need for implementing any treatment.

[@elizabelthe]

I cannot help but feel sorry for and pity the narcissist who has nothing off his true self left. They seem for lack of a better term ruined by their abuse and it is very sad and tragic to see

[@motivationathand4784]

Thank you for your courage to investigate yourself and the Manhood in your diagnosis to work for the betterment of Humanity! Salute Professor!

[@quantumhealing341]

24:19 A very honest statement. No psychologist or psychotherapist will tell you that!

[@spiritwalker9903]

Good catch

[@liciniasimoes6666]

I am into poverty due to abuse.I thank you for you work.

[@booya7211]

I called out my girlfriend for being a narcissist. She doubled down on that behavior. So I dumped her. It was naive of me to think that she would have some introspection and analyze the situation. I guess some people do not realize the importance of attaining self actualization.

[@cravinbob]

A narcissist is almost sociopath and sociopaths do not care that they are sociopath and never will bother with "self actualization". There is no cure, run from the person and never allow contact again.

[@Србомбоница86]

why dont you analize yourself?

[@seontan7848]

That will never work.

[@ar9045]

Haha "its pains me to say that Im a typical narcissist" and that smile. Seriously, a great service to the rest of us by helping us with his insight into himself. Not at all easy.

[@captlarry-3525]

Unfailingly brilliant, insightful, honest, and in the end practical.. Sam Vankin is an amazing man.. who has elevated the motive of self knowledge, to a body of knowledge of being.

[@julies166]

This was intense and thought provoking! Thank you for your candor.

[@stephencarlsbad]

If you're a narcissist the best thing that you can do to change for the positive is deny the urge to fulfill your narcissistic supply and then try to develop healthy alternatives for attention. Another thing to do is begin a lifelong commitment to love yourself, all parts, especially the ugliest parts. One of the biggest challenges for a narcissist is to confront their inner critic and possibly any cognitive distortions that drove someone to become a narcissist. This is also crucial in recovery from narcissism. Narcissists abhor themselves and then they decide to reject themselves or a part of themselves primarily because someone convinced them (or they convinced themselves by perceiving that others important to them would reject them) that something about themselves was so bad that it made them rejection worthy. This creates a huge problem for them and others that they can not foresee. How we relate to ourselves as a "PERSON" gets projected onto everyone we run into and interact with. So in essence, how we relate to ourselves is exactly how we will relate with other people in the world. You know that old saying, you can't love others until you love yourself? 'That applies to the narcissist 100%! It also expresses the very mechanism at work within a functional narcissist. And since the narcissist rejected themselves, how can they possibly love themselves fully when they've taken specific parts of themselves off the table, never to be nourished by life-sustaining, rejuvenating self-love? Living as a narcissist is a punishing life. Mostly due to the trap that they fell into early on in life. The worst part is that they usually have no idea where they are (as a narcissist) or how they got there. Imagine going through life not fully knowing who you are because you've long ago, rejected many aspects of yourself. You are incomplete. This same incompleteness gets projected onto everyone you interact with and it usually manifests itself in the narcissist treating others and incomplete humans not worthy of love just as they see themselves. This is why narcissists use and abuse people. They don't fully see other people's true worth because they can not see it in themselves and as such do not recognize worth in others because they do not recognize it within themselves. This is where we find the seeds of recovery for narcissistic disorder. Most mental health providers wont touch trying to treat a narcissist. I think because they themselves don't fully understand how to treat them or even where to begin. So this is actually a step by step process to recovery just like any addiction. You could probably create a road map to recovery using the AA 12 step program as a template. These are some of the things that I did to recover from narcissism. I didn't have access to therapists who would work with me so I decided that I would have to do it myself. Another important thing to do is get a support system or at least, guard your current one from yourself as best you can. Narcissists will know what this means. Avoid other narcissists and people who are negative that tend to trigger your narcissistic behavior. Its also essential that you get around people who are willing to help you and who know how to love themselves. They become a sort of role model that can guide you as you progress through the sometimes foggy path of recovery.

[@reginaciorba8651]

I felt it and knew it. The true intelligence of the world may battle good and evil when given all knowledge. Possibly

[@andyodorico8511]

My respects Mr. Vaknin. Your honesty, knowledge, self examination and eloquence is a great help to people.

[@Bubagigant]

So sad to lose someone we love dearly because they are unable to see what is wrong with them....thank you doctor for your honesty and all the hard work!!!!

[@deepwaterjohnrask6980]

Her eyes at the very end of this video say so much about her pain and realization that there is no "Cure". We are in the same boat Sister. Hurts like hell.... Hugs.

[@raisingrealitybylindycowli8160]

Thank you so much Sam for your wonderful body of work on You Tube that helps so many and for your wonderful honesty about your personal experience

[@eleanorcohen8995]

Lindy Cowlin8g

[@carolschmidt7044]

Lindy Cowling Do you agree that a twinflame is a victim of narcasist abuse experiencing quantum healing as opposed to assention? Just asking.....

[@ourfrenchy9625]

Thank you for that enlighting presentation, Mr Vaknin. I'm a 45 y.o. french professor (teaching french in France). It seems I have been waiting for those very words for years, even decades. I'm very much interested in the end of your speech, when you assert that you cannot glue together the parts of the shrapnelled self, but try individually to avoid the anti-social behaviours. Do you have other recordings on that subject, or any reading advice ? And again, thank you so much for that accuracy and that sincerity.

[@samvaknin]

Healing and Curing Narcissism vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq77.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq70.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq12.html vaksam.tripod.com/10.html vaksam.tripod.com/case03.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq31.html vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html

[@k.a.robbins5420]

Thank you Sam for speaking up honestly & trying to educate the everyday person to this necrotic personality type. I'm truly sorry for what ever pain you went through to become narcissist yourself, no one deserves abuse and in my humble opinion parents are the most heinous offenders to deliberately harm their own children... there just isn't any justifiable reason for such cruelty, ever. You are the one person who finally helped me realize who & what I was up against. After listening to 3 hrs of your videos I finally knew I wasn't crazy or just imaging the worst things of my husband out of paranoia. Everything I felt or thought he was doing was real and really that bad and he would never change or walk away from this lifestyle. He has a label now, but I'm still in conflict between my heart and mind. My spouse has physically & emotionally abused me for 20 yrs now, but the worst agony is the sexual component. Mind you, we've had really good sex nearly every day of those 20 yrs. I've always done anything and everything he's ever wanted. I'm petite, but very well proportioned, attractive, intelligent, highly creative, driven to achieve and continuously improve myself, double jointed, extremely giving, with a sex drive to boot. Yet my spouse constantly denies me full sexual release and blames his prematurity, on being older, which is B.S. after he's had a cialis pill, he does it deliberately. I'd wear any normal lover out, but I guess I'm just not enough to sate his lusts, but I'm not sure what his lusts are exactly. My spouse has been all but caught in the middle of sex with other person(s)... I hear them making sounds, but by the time I get there, he's trying to put himself back in his pants which are totally undone and he's clearly excited... and down the foot path or out the back yard gate I see a figure sprinting to a waiting, running car, which they jump in & squeal off! This is where I need your insight... he then has the nerve to call me crazy b/c I didn't actually catch him in the act. He told me that I had unfairly imagined that malicious evil about him and how dare I even imply such things about him! Does he seriously think he's innocent, that I didn't just see the ugly truth with my own 2 eyes, that he was brazenly committing adultery right around the corner from me? Better yet, since I saw him doing that with the male neighbor, then confronted him (which got me promptly punched in the face 3 times, yes, I pressed charges but I fear the local prosecutor is one of those figures I've seen running from my home in the dark of night, hence he dropped the charges, but I digress)... why does he think he isn't a closet homosexual or in the least bi sexual? Please help me understand how he thinks, the truth, how can he just do these things and act like it was nothing at all? Is it the pain & humiliation in my eyes he lives for or is it sexual addiction that drives him? I'm at a loss, PLEASE SAM, I need some logical reasoning so I can quit trying to fault myself for this treatment I KNOW I don't deserve, I want to let go & heal. If I could put this utter perversion of my life with him in a proper "clinical perspective", I think I could completely detach myself emotionally and finally move on. I'm already saving up for a divorce and a new life elsewhere!

[@TheEloquentEye]

When you are fully broken and discarded you will look back at this and ask yourself how you could have been so stupid. You can either do that right now, or you can wait until more time is lost and more damage is done. You will choose the latter, this is what I did, I can only imagine how hard breaking 20 years of programming must be so I understand you decision to remain oblivious to the obvious. I made a point about finding out the truth and I promise you without a shadow of a doubt is far worse than anything you can imagine, if I could go back now i would have just walked away instead of uncovering the lies. Many narcissists and sociopaths are bisexual so its not really surprising to hear your story about the neighbor, my ex had a girl that she was close friends with, she left her Facebook logged in on my laptop one day and saw they were having a pretty filthy conversation in the chat window. She of course denied everything as she always did and also broke this girls heart in the end as well. You don't need to understand why they lie directly to you face, only that they can and do consistently without batting an eyelid, this is second nature to them, you don't ask a hurricane why it is a hurricane, you just move away from it as quickly as possible. You have been brainwashed to reject reason so consistently that it is unlikely that you will leave of you own volition, which is pretty sad but like I said I understand. Just know the longer you stay the longer it will take you to recover. Lastly and I cant emphasis this enough, let go of the idea of trying to make things work and understand what the problem is, this is a waste of valuable time and energy and will drain the life out of you while trying. A person can only have a problem if they have empathy and introspection, without these qualities this type of person can never recognize a problem and therefore never correct it.

[@marcellominghetti9507]

I fell in love with a borderline, but was dumped by a narcissist.

[@jillyjills1]

White Feather I take it you and Sport diver, both belong to that group of people peculiar to the underbelly of society. Losers, psychopaths, living in some dingy basement somewhere, whose only hope of having a woman is to find one you can browbeat down by threatening them with a smack in the mouth if they don’t treat you like little gods. What weirdos. 😂😂

[@LoveReece1]

@SportDiver 2 she was saying borderline is bigger "trumps" narcissism. She wasn't talking about Trump😂😂

[@slopedarmor]

@SportDiver 2 lol idiot

[@michelesaint1662]

I love this so much; using the Narcissism as the multi-million dollar international internet startup to HELP PEOPLE. Best happy ending ever.

[@nicholahumphries9601]

God will save anyone if they are willing to face the pain of the shame that drove them so far from their true self, once the walls come and love is given an entrance. Then true self comes, I hope to believe that even the darkest soul could come alive, my whole family is narcissistic personality disordered and I carry the shame for them therefore I am a scapegoat, its painful, I found my true self, and it is what living should be, god bless the world, I can love, so few can, so im lucky x

[@Chefandsteward]

I too believe in the redemptive power and saving grace of Christ.

[@rickprol-pc8ds]

Yes, Sam is brilliant alright. Very very HONEST and real also. I appreciate what he does and how remarkably articulate he is. Thanks!!!!!!

[@mercedm87]

Very academic description of the disorder and its complex dynamics.

[@arieljones6443]

I love this man, Mr. Maknin. He is open , candid, and really tries to help us avoid the torture of being with a narcissist abuser. It was so interesting to see this interview. I had no idea he had a past experience like this and was diagnosed himself. He has really helped this knowledge base and others come a long way.

[@cindybriden372]

I think that is a great perspective of a narc having split personality, I can see that in the narcs I grew up with. He is right on on other things except one, that people become narcs through the way the are brought up, although I do believe that happens. However, nature also plays a huge part. I believe if a person is a narc they are that way either through their nature as their brains are wired that way, and/or nurture. I believe a person can be brought up in a healthy environment but if their brains are wired to be a narc, no matter how they were brought up, whether they are abused or not, they are wired as a narc and there's nothing, no amount of love that can change that. I say this as I have a sibling whom is a narc and she was showing traits of it even before she hit one years old.

[@victoriak.2707]

I’m amazed at the way Sam explained the complexity of personality disorders, his grasp of the English language is pretty superior, somehow he manages to draw out the world of narcissists for the wide public without compromising the truth of his researched understanding of the mind maze and mask changes of multiple personality disorders. I will get the book as it appears that is the latest epidemic in our society, a trend of self importance and isolation.

[@shananagans5]

I like how he explains AxisII disorders as being who the person is. Behavior modification can alter behaviors but they can't change who someone is. You can't change the base personality. People can "age out" to an extent, people can alter their behaviors but they can't change who they are at a base level. I have had limited success helping people with personality disorders manage their symptoms but as soon as things fall apart, life gets stressful, they immediately go back to their base personality. They go back to what is natural to them.

[@samvaknin]

Presumably you WANTED to heal because YOU realized that YOU have a problem. No such luck with narcissists. Read this: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq77.html

[@shananagans5]

Jenny Eshed People in extremely abusive situations & people that have survived abusive situations can mimic symptoms of personality disorder. They go into kind of a survival mode. That isn't a personality disorder. That is a normal psyche fighting to survive today & tomorrow. If someone is in that state for extended periods of time they can end up fractured but yes, as you point out, with work, that is treatable. Best Wishes!!

[@Durga695]

Agreed thank you, integrating a very fractured personality requires a huge amount of ongoing dedication over decades and therapies dealing with the frontal cortex, amygdala, sacral cranial system, vagus nerve, the psoas muscles and more.All the best too.

[@nowown8439]

The most on point information I have ever heard, and the reason because he suffered through this. Sometimes what you have been through is a blessing to yourself and others.

[@999pkpk99]

Despite his own perversion, his contribution has saved many of us ! In the terms of Buddhism, self-awareness is the very powerful tool we can use to shed light to ourselves and others, being a powerful rescue. If we didn't have his ideas, many of us might have been driven to the deadend of insanity in relationship ! Deepest gratitude and thanks to him 🙏❤🙏

[@CapricornSunSagRisingLibraMoon]

This was a fascinating interview. Very candid and informative. Helps me understand my ex better, myself and differentiate different forms of co-mobility. Thanks you!

[@nianakis2834]

This information has been extremely helpful. I find it to be very true and accurate.

[@garyclouse7234]

I am a decade plus... I will never get over it victim of this disorder. This man is a living Rosetta Stone!

[@skippy5712]

The best overall summation I have ever heard. Every second Counsellor makes the mistake of trying to define too narrowly. There are three core ingredients. Low Self Esteem. Lack of Empathy. No Ethics or Morality (Honour is the word I prefer.) Also often not Responsible. In simple terms very Low EQ. He is correct about Culture having a big influence. He is correct. Spoil the Child or Dominate the Child. The hovering Mother in reality is Dominating. A Control Freak. I get tired of all the shit many Counsellors go on with trying to define too narrowly. Most Labels are bullshit. I had a very Insecure Mother and as a result Married a similar woman. My main Female Role Model. (Compulsive Obsessive). Insecure, no real Empathy, no Honour. A victim mentality. Thank God my male Role Models were good Honourable Men with compassion and empathy and Pride. Sure they were Volatile at times. The passion of there personalities. Where did that come from? A lot came from there Polish/German background. Very open and upfront in most ways compared to Anglo. My mother and wife were both very Anglo. What you saw was not what you got. A great Video.

[@gayleneflower398]

Great interview Sam! The only thing I might mention is that although there is no cure...just being a narc and realizing that you are one is a HUGE step in helping yourself in the future to have a (slightly) better life and a better life for those that surround you. Keep up the fascinating work, the world needs you Sam! Thank you.

[@samvaknin]

Not true: samvak.tripod.com/2.html

[@BarbaraGirard]

Merci Sam for your honesty!! I come from an abusive family too. For most of my life (I'm 43 yo) Narcissist personalities were not very documented, so there's a lot I had to figure out by myself through multiple psychoanalytic studies and such. I myself struggled against some narcissistic traits in order not to become abusive like my parents and other members of my family. Becoming a better human being is a life combat. I started this journey I was 13 yo, and I intend to persevere as long as I live. Therefore, thank you so much for the knowledge you share. It helped me a lot to heal further more this excruciating pain I grew up in and progress with my own journey. :)

[@Lexilea68]

This professor is truly brilliant. He is able to elaborate on the interviewer's interjection as soon as she speaks an affirming distinction.

[@mariaarribas6108]

I’m so glad you healed. Now you’re helping people like me. Bravo!!

[@samvaknin]

I never even hinted that I healed.

[@SuperPassionflower]

very learnful and insightful. I think it can be eye opener for many people who might also be "and wonder about..." and people who might be in contact with someone "and wonder..."

[@stixsta6007]

When you need a bit of clarity, go to the expert, much respect

[@khairunishakhetikheti3273]

Daer aapki tbyat kesi he mr aaoki sath hu mom ka nhi he vo onlio beti hu aap mere bhai he lo hogya aapki fox asi vhiti barme itna dilpe lette ho cho jldi jvab do ke aap achhehr mei com ka to socho aebat aap meri com me aayege jo mnjur ho to bolo bhsa ko tkli aaj di jyad botahe thireyhire voh km ho jyaga foir kya hogsa jaeteho arduserse bat bnth ro ldya aekdin tng hokar alg isloye kheti hu jita up otna dwan ok Jiese god achha kade god bes00

[@thearchive26788]

I have deep respect for your honesty. Thanks for being so open with everyone and allowing access to your thoughts, experiences and feelings.

[@bradleybrand0]

What would you lot suggest when you've had dealt so many years upon years of abuse and harassment by a narcissist? Dealt with constant abuse, harassment, criticism, sarcasm and fell like crap for so many years throughout my education, until I left education. Now, I continue to try and rebuild myself as a individual, after experiencing such trauma.

[@a320trevor]

This is the most insightful and profoundly helpful interview for me to understand my adult life with my family.

[@theshiftmastersessions]

Those who have been victimized by a Narcissist can heal, grow and experience love. However the Narcissist is wounded beyond repair, as he said, a "Humpty Dumpty" and that is why no matter how much they think they are "winning" their punishment is that they are the Narcissist. The best you can do is have no contact.

[@sonjawilson4637]

This video helped explain what is going on under the surface so I am understanding the mechanics of what is going with individuals that present these behaviours.... thank you.

[@checksandbalances6714]

Fascinating and I agree about the part that cluster b are forms of disassociative disorder - it’s like I kept feeling that way when I read up on them - they are forms of self preservation that develop in a child that is threatened or didn’t receive unconditional love

[@crsederwall]

Your brilliance Sam, is that you are concise and deliver in a simplicity that is easy to understand. This is a testament to your care and concern for us. This is not the voice and the verbiage of a narcissist.