Sarah Hendrickx SWAN 02 10 17

SWAN learning seminar ‘Daily life skills for autistic girls and women’

[@vv8134]

Relate so much to her and her experience that can’t stop watching her talks I find on you tube. Such a relief to understand myself better and accept myself and the past

[@cassielee1114]

Same here, she’s brilliant 🤩

[@angelabertrand9684]

Me too, I absolutely love hearing her speak, it makes me feel like someone had the answers to all my struggles and questions. It just took me 43 years to discover Sarah!

[@quentinmcsloth240]

Same here. She‘s awesome. I told my therapist that I suspect I might be autistic and he was one of those people who immediately said „nah I don‘t see that in you at all.“ So I thought „well I don‘t have the energy to argue about this right now I‘ll just try and get rid of the masking thing a fair bit on my own because I think that‘s what finally got me into therapy cause I‘m just constantly exhausted by everything and have bern so for as long as I can remember. And maybe at some point I will have dropped enough of my mask to actually be visible on the outside. But every time I try to explain some oof the stuff that stresses me out, like answering the phone spending time around people, touching wooden spoons (stuff like that) all he says is „Well but you DID do it right? So that means you CAN do it. You just have to believe in yourself and get used to some of the stuff than it will get easier.“ I find this so frustrating because I know I CAN do this stuff but I feel like the concept of just believing in myself and doing those things more often in order to get used to it is what got me into therapy in the first place. Cause it‘s not like I haven‘t been trying for 31 years because every time I dared to say „no I can‘t do it.“ someone was right there to tell me „yes you CAN. You‘re just being overly sensitive.“ But after all this time of trying I can tell that it does not get easier. All I‘ve managed to achieve is that it looks like it is easier from the outside so that people can go „See? I told you you could do it.“ and that I have almost know idea how it feels like to not be exhausted all the time and that quite frankly I am sick and tired of trying to „improve“ every single ounce of my mind and body just so that other people see me as a success while on the inside I feel like I‘m slowly but constantly dying.

[@Nina9er]

You too? I swear I have been watching them all....mostly to see how the audience reacts to her stories...yeah, I'm weird.

[@shorelined1]

@@quentinmcsloth240 Wow, I completely hear you. I was in therapy off and on 20+ yrs and there was always a disconnect. I never felt truly seen and it felt like going through the motions, so I stopped. Looking back i think therapists weren't educated on what autism entails for those "higher functioning". We look anxious, depressed, OCD, PTSD, agoraphobic, neurotic..etc. I learned of Hsp years ago which gave me permission to own my uniqueness and change the world around me to meet my needs, not keep futiley trying to change who I am. I believe Hsp is mild autism, vs a separate condition. I agree it doesn't get easier. I get that there are things I have to force myself to do. It's hold breath and jump, not "wow, this gets easier every time". But why fix what's not broken? Adapt your environment to support you. If you don't like wooded utensils, get rid of them;) It's banging our heads into a wall to keep trying to force a square peg in round hole. You can't enjoy life if you're constantly telling yourself you need to change. It was a revelation to realize I'm not just weird or crazy, and had "permission" to love myself as is.

[@bridgetfredrick6656]

I cant believe this is sooo me! OMG! IM 60 Years old and have always felt like i was crazy! Being with people is absolutely exhausting, large social gatherings can be debilitating. Im terrible about social maintance, etc. Im Going to contact my physician and get tested. It may be late in life, but it would explain so much in my life. Thank you!

[@teyjahxaveriss6270]

60 old here, that is seeing my "SELF" for the first time. Thx for putting your "SELF" out there, you are a gift to my Soul. I am slowly accepting my Aspergers.

[@en6808]

This is the second video of hers that I’ve watched, with great interest because it was listening to someone who described me to a tee. At 49, and awaiting my own diagnosis for autism, it’s liberating to finally know myself and find that finally, I’m actually ok..

[@ithacacomments4811]

I am female Aspie. For me being trapped in a room with a group of neurotypical women all talking about kitchen curtains, and baby's poopy diapers.....HELL!

[@trishtraynor]

I'm 65. I enjoy my synaesthesia. I'm glad I could read at age 3 without being taught . I don't care that I find parties dull and joining groups where I can be myself is good. Choirs and orchestras are perfect because there's no competition. Freinds are few and far between because I don't trust easily. I trust myself. I was an abused child so I learned vigilance at an early age. I was a teacher and in my 30s I became a nurse so my love of routine was an asset. I'm lesbian although I was married and now have grandchildren. Women get on my nerves too.😂😂 I'm now a no person because I'm disabled,but hated saying yes because I had to hang out with people who baffled me.

[@leavesofdecember]

Thank you sooo much for doing this work with such passion and dedication and love !! I feel loved when I'm watching your videos, because it confirms so many of my past conclusions drawn over years of repetitive disfunctional behaviour always trying to fit in and please, especially to the highest standards possible, draining myself of energy to the point of no return. Thank you for your amazingly logical and easy to follow slides !! I want to tattoo them everywhere on my body so I won't keep forgetting, but I know that's a bad idea. I have photographed them and for the first time in my life I now have a roadmap in my brain and behaviour and I am deeply grateful ! I hope to find the courage to trust myself more and lead a happy autistic life unappologetically, instead of always trying to do it "their way" and failing miserably ! Thank you !

[@ithacacomments4811]

At age 71...I have had 29 jobs in my lifetime. I can so relate to...."I can't work here another minute because....."

[@lindalambert8727]

This woman has just told my life story.

[@Sky-Child]

Me too

[@cthornton523]

Same here. I'm 52, yelling at a screen, "Are you me???"

[@danitrevisani]

Thank you for helping a 40 years old late diagnosed in Brazil! You are amazing! 👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@itsmanu994]

Hi! How did you get your diagnosis, I mean how long did it take for you to get it? I'm also from Brazil, an adult self-diagnosed and I am seeking for professional help. Would you please recommend the doctor who helped you?

[@Shoonam]

@@itsmanu994 Look up neuropsychologist Paula Gerlach .

[@dottie8255]

“Deep down, I think most of us kinda like who we are but we kinda just wish the world would like it a little bit more as well.” ❤

[@shorelined1]

This was SO relatable! I'm grateful to have found this. The humor brought to what's typically painful is appreciated. I'd have loved a diagnosis as a child, and going to seek one. My fuel was anxiety and cortisol. Feeling like a misfit (surrounded by neurotypicals) and not knowing why, always trying so hard to be more like others, would have been a battle I'd have loved to have been freed of so long ago. Awareness is everything.

[@ewap789]

Thanks Sarah. I'm a 45 year-old on the suspectrum, and always struggled being unusual and different, but listenning to you is a bit shocking : we're the same! I'm so not original after all! Feeling better let me tell you. Peace of mind now. About the handbag thing, and everything else :)

[@thekajalflaneur]

I agree so much, im just learning to live an autistic life. She is so correct, the more I try to conform the more sick I become because of stress and worry of passing etc. Thankyou so much! I am learning more and more each day!

[@ViljaVeta]

Many thanks for this fantastic seminar! Despite lagging internet with interruptions every two minutes, I could not stop watching! Wish I had seen it 40 years earlier! It had prevented a great deal of suffering! Continue to share your experiences and help autistic women! You're the best! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❤️👍🏻👍🏻

[@denise2169]

Great advice, thank you! Using lots of life tools like not only calendars and agendas, but also timers and Alexa help me to organise my life. I use Alexa constantly to remind me to do things throughout the day, even to make dinner and to go to bed! I have learned to like who I am, and challenging myself to do things to overcome my anxiety has helped me to do a lot of amazing things n my life. I love being ‘on fire’ and accepting who I am.

[@lnescuh]

I cannot tell you how helpful this seminar alone has been for me as someone who was just diagnosed at 32. It's mind-blowing how relatable your experiences are. I'm so glad I found you, especially since some of the coping methods you outlined have been effective for me. I can't wait to check out more of your work. Thank you so, so much for being who you are.

[@tuovisjolund264]

Thank you. Finally got a job i can handle. Its a blessing from Yeshua. I have not worked a whole lot before The age of 39

[@murielbilly4296]

Thank you so much for your seminars, especially this one. I was diagnosed at 39, but it wasn't a surprise. When I was around 15, I read a book of a father talking about his autistic daughter. It was a very intense moment. Even if his little girl was non verbal, with a lot of behavior problems, I never felt so alike someone. We were on 2 sides of the spectrum but it was like we were from the same family. Between that moment and my diagnostic, I said things like "I could have done a brilliant autistic career " or "it's the little autistic part of me" when people, colleagues,... found me weird. I sometimes add "that's what makes my charm". I can relate to a lot of things, in ways i didn't think was a part of autistic differences. Like hair, make up, clothes, my sense of humor which is sarcastic, or playing with words,.. it doesn't help to socialize. You also talk about something which makes me ashamed and guilty. I forgot people I know I like. As time goes by, it's like they shrink. I know I spend good times with them, but it always ended like " Oh no, i wanted to call my nefew ,it's too late to do this today ", I know I love him, we were really close. I feel really guilty for forgetting him..

[@jennyweall]

Thank you so much for giving me a better insight into myself. I’m 68 yrs old and only recently thought I was ASD. I identified with so much with your experience......although I’m the one who loves makeup and clothes, but only when I’m going out and playing Jenny. I must have made that decision in my teens perhaps.

[@tracik1277]

jennyweall Same here with the makeup. I still hate it though, and nearly always can’t be bothered to take it off in the evening.

[@anne7811]

For me makeup has been one of my biggest special interests. When I am depressed it often is what gets me out of bed and capable of getting my day started.

[@TheAngelaoddone]

Thank you! Yes, I absolutely agree those of us who can must "come out" as autistic to help people recognize ASD and normalize it -- to overcome the stigma, shame and blame that are rooted in ignorance, denial and fear. It's also such a better way to live -- much healthier and happier! As a psychotherapist, I was surprised to realize I'm on the spectrum. I'm doing what I can to make up for all of the clients I had in the past whose autism I missed by learning as much as I can that's practical, helpful and accepting.

[@thecosmicweatherreport864]

I relate so much to what you have said, I’m definitely Asperger but I have a degree in fashion, lol!! Yet, I’ve never had a manicure or pedicure, I color n cut my own hair at home because of not wanting or trusting other people to do it right!! I will even wear the same cloths a couple of days in a row when I can. As far as makeup, I love the colors and what they can do but I can become a perfectionist which makes it take a really time to put on so I only wear it when I’m going somewhere nice. I love your example of how you face your fears and anxiety regardless of Autism, thank you!!

[@Irene-gq4jr]

All of this. Absolutely all of this makes perfect sense. Aged 48 I have navigated my way through the social and workplace minefield, sometimes more successfully than others, and I think it's largely thanks to having found my niche and excelling in an IT role surrounded by a much higher than normal percentage of others on the spectrum. 2 years ago I finally met the love of my life and we enjoy social occasions but are happiest when we are alone together. He also displays some spectrum tendencies, far milder than mine but it really works for us both.

[@shorelined1]

That makes sense as to the IT world. That's fortunately it worked for you! Congrats on finding someone you can be you with.

[@lysagreen2314]

Thankyou so much for your videos! They are so helpful for me. I am 59 y/o female who is only just finding out that I am very probably autistic. Listening to you has helped me understand why I have struggled so much for all of my life, and I am finding a lot of information to help me live the rest of my life a little better.

[@dorogly]

Me too. 57

[@shorelined1]

52

[@ithacacomments4811]

Yes! A weekly calendar is a must!!!

[@wildflowersar3595]

This was so useful and relatable. Thank you so much. Would love to have a peer like yourself.

[@denise2169]

I shared what I know about my autism with my friends, and my best friend said that she probably is, too! Most of my friends are very supportive.

[@gingerredshoes]

The thing about clothes and makeup is really about adhering to cultural gender role norms. It's about not getting the made up rules that have no practical basis, not the specifics of whether one enjoys getting prettied up. I enjoy clothes, it's my Thing Of Interest. But I don't follow fashion (I notice it, but the rules seem ridiculous) and often wear things that Normals consider weird.

[@lorrainealcock3336]

I love your talks Sarah Thank you

[@stellabmusic5188]

Its like everything makes sense now and I’m trying to find my place in the professional realm, bc that seems to be the most primary element of my difficulty.

[@Sky-Child]

I love her double autistic joke right off the bat - I need routine, you of all you people should have empathy for that. YES! We DO have empathy and a sense of humour

[@sayusayme7729]

Thank you, learning me 🤍🩵🤍

[@Savyra]

I also end up in the broom cupboard in public loos/clients' buildings! Walking into buildings backwards- what a brilliant hack!

[@einaskbadri2262]

I am 60 I don’t have energy or the mental ability to go on. I feel I have been running a marathon for 60 years.

[@catrionastewart449]

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed.

[@jennyweall]

I recently had therapy and it really helped me to understand myself better and also how to avoid trigger situations.

[@teyjahxaveriss6270]

Here, here. Me too sometimes. Especially cause I am stuck with narcissists until I get out. Hang in,

[@maryjanebudak3070]

I know how you feel.

[@majamannhard443]

Bro, the tippex.. I have loved it for all my life and in high school I used to have a piece of paper on my desk wich I coated in tippex only to curl it slightly and smell it until it dried. That paper got THICK! And I had unlimited access to tippex because my parents are teachers and I’d just have them steal things for me from work, haha

[@ithacacomments4811]

I write. I paint. I capture wonderful images with my camera. and I am an Aspie!

[@RynKat]

Excellent talk

[@coloringwithd]

About 80% of what you talked about described me but I have panic, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, bipolar, and PTSD. My therapist says I am not on the spectrum. I'm so confused.

[@anniethurston9381]

Coloring With D try getting a second opinion from an autism specialist

[@jvance6]

Most therapist probably aren't properly trained on detecting autism. I would recommend searching for a an expert.

[@bunnybaker2289]

A lot of times autistic traits look like the traits of other things sooooo

[@livb6945]

Particularly if you are a woman, you tend to get any or multiple of the above diagnoses instead of autism, because many doctors still believe it's a boy thing

[@EagleRue]

Yes! Phases of "being a woman". Love that. Yes me!

[@annaczaicka8914]

Hi, is it possible to self diagnose? Can you help to find the right resources? It is it possible to meet with you online. I feel like there is not enough experience in Poland.

[@ViljaVeta]

❤️⭐️❤️⭐️❤️⭐️❤️⭐️❤️⭐️❤️

[@hamdihammami1545]

The Sahara photo is a honeymoon memories and that small creature included in the best moments of somebody life the trace that creature left is wiped off but someone took a picture .

[@ithacacomments4811]

I am so naive. But for the grace of God.......

[@ithacacomments4811]

Being off my Aspie daughter's radar for weeks...as her mother....hurts my heart. I understand why...still hurts.

[@EagleRue]

Bit twitchy is completely accurate.

[@einaskbadri2262]

Not every bad thing that happen to us is bad or life long.

[@ithacacomments4811]

When I make an error....I ask myself,...."will this matter in a hundred years?"

[@leanneschnerch9143]

Hi Sarah, I'd like to be able to send you an email, how do I contact you?

[@Letautismbeautism]

Autism and childhood trauma don't have to go hand-to-hand. #letautismbeautism #letautismbeautism #earlydiagnosis #earlyintervention #depression #anxiety #trauma #bullying #disability #advocacy

[@lingolding9530]

so like me

[@RenateVasterd-kz5xh]

Oh dear, this is so ‘me’. Diagnosed at 55, smart, a ‘yes’- person, not in touch with how i feel, achting social and masking with humor. ‘Are you autistic ???’

[@MarciaArleneDebra]

I work with special education students, and I could see at one glance you were on the spectrum.

[@Charity-vm4bt]

It would be helpful to read something on how to work with employees with this syndrome. Especially what are their limitations when working with customers. Also, how to help them be able to plan ahead. Avoiding negative thinking. I have so many questions on what to expect and to be aware of. This person speaking is helpful. People with the syndrome do not have to share their diagnosis by name to avoid labelling. But it would be honest to help the new manager know what to expect to get a job done without stressing the employee. If the employees get stressed out, someone else has to do their job. Which stresses other employees who get overloaded.

[@powderandpaint14]

Yes we all could because of the glasses lol.

[@elizabethblackwell6242]

I'm going to say something and it won't be very popular, but here goes. There are lots of women who don't care about bagsandshoesandmakeup and who are nowhere near Asberger's or anything like it and to characterise most women as being interested in these things smacks of confirmation bias. Similarly there are a lot of women who aren't particularly maternal who aren't on any kind of spectrum. I've never used an emoji as they are the last refuge of the illiterate. Not on any spectrum. I do not approve of drop ins; it's poor manners. I don't answer the door to drop-ins. Not on any spectrum. Brave enough to go out without any make-up??? Who are you proposing as our neuro-typs now? The Kardashians? Schedules and routines are very important to many people and many people find organisaton comforting. Not on any spectrum. And diary management? Pretty much SOP for busy executives whose diaries are minutely controlled as much as 120 days in advance. Most executives find this a less stressful way to operate. I routinely go to meetings in unfamiliar CBD buildings and routinely get lost on the way from the meeting room to the lifts. I blame architects and not a spectrum disorder. Are you sure at least some of this stuff isn't just the crap of 21 century living? Behavioural models. Fraught with confirmation bias.

[@catrionastewart449]

I agree, most characteristics shared by autistic people are also shared in the rest of the population, albeit perhaps not to the same extent. It's one thing to get a bit confused in a large new building, it's another to be fearful of travelling outside a small, familiar geographical area or to have a meltdown if directions prove to be difficult to follow. It's not the behaviour that's crucial, but your own lived experiences that lead to those behaviours. Autism is an internal state of being that all the behaviours in the world can only vaguely reflect or signpost. As we know, observed behaviours are always open to interpretation which is going to be is approximate at best. I don't think Sarah is suggesting that if you don't have a cupboard full of handbags you must then be autistic. She's sharing examples from her own life which to her are reflective of her experiences of being an autistic individual. A diagnosis of autism is only ever going to be useful if it helps an individual to make sense of their life and give them insight into who they are.

[@soyunperderdor7246]

Yes every human goes through the norm of feeling uncomfy. People have their own likes and dislikes ( handbags) but being uncomfy and feeling crippling fear are two completely different things. I like your comment though as it means you don't get it. Just because you don't get it in your reality doesn't make it fake. I have tried to understand NT's for 44 years and I just can't. Just because I don't get you doesn't mean your fake.

[@delightfullydotty7130]

Elizabeth Blackwell yes it is the crap of modern life but we struggle with it more. Please don’t dismiss our struggles.....you’d no doubt tell me I’m not autistic because I’ve become so good at managing my life so that I can cope with most situations, but I was almost mute until my twenties. Everyone is on a spectrum for all sorts of things....there’s no solid cut-off between neurotypical and Asperger’s. Before I realised what was wrong with me, I realised that I’m a Myers Briggs infj and a highly sensitive person.....twenty percent of the population is highly sensitive. Nearly everything Sarah says resonates with me although I adore handbags....mainly because I like organising things and I like the security a handbag brings because it contains everything that I’ll need....except that most of the time it doesn’t because I’m crap at keeping it in order! I also love makeup and I have long highlighted hair and love clothes....but this started when I was trying to fit in as a teenager. I actually spent twenty years looking really tarty because I got it wrong. You’re either a deluded aspie (I had no idea until I was over 40 even though my son was clearly autistic ...because I did not understand what Asperger’s was and thought that I was too emotional) or you’re a neurotypical who can’t possibly understand. As someone who’s been struggling for years to be normal and forced myself to do some very stressful things, yes I do find your comment annoying and no you are not very popular with me.

[@gingerredshoes]

The thing about clothes and makeup is really about adhering to cultural gender role norms. It's about not getting the made up rules that have no practical basis, not the specifics of whether one enjoys getting prettied up.

[@gingerredshoes]

The thing about clothes and makeup is really about adhering to cultural gender role norms. It's about not getting the made up rules that have no practical basis, not the specifics of whether one enjoys getting prettied up.