self awareness is making you hate yourself ☯︎ Exploring Autism

[@AWAK3ANGEL]

“You’re processing everyone’s feelings towards you along with your own feelings” oh my this makes a lot of sense. Thank you for an insightful video!

[@oishikaray2767]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@skye4825]

Something a therapist once told me: "dont intellectualize all your feelings, they're here to be felt not resolved " 💙

[@user95395]

my therapist says that and i sincerely can't get what she means. i am unsure how to have feelings and not use language when they happen?

[@skye4825]

@user95395 I understand your confusion, it's a hard process! For me it means not overanalyzing why I could be feeling a certain way, like relating it back to a past experience or thinking of every possible thing that could have triggered it. It's okay to wonder where feelings come from, but sometimes they're random and the stress of trying to figure that out makes it worse. It helps to focus on phrases like "I'm feeling uncomfortable, so I'm going to slow down and treat my body nicely as the feeling passes" 💙

[@ZeonGenesis]

@@user95395 My understanding is that it's important to feel the emotions in your mind and how they manifest in your body and allow them the room to be there without trying to rid yourself of them by intellectualizing. Easier said than done! But basically, try to refrain from always solving them and getting rid of them, as they are meant to be felt, and by being felt, they feel heard, validated and then they lessen in intensity and urgency and may even go away altogether.

[@turoni314]

​@@user95395So much exactly this

[@user95395]

@@ZeonGenesis but most of the time i'm in a very high anxiety mode that has no basis in reality. I do go through the "processing" for nearly all emotions but... what about the times where emotions need to take a back seat? It's just weird cuz i'm so heart on my sleeve and ok with being emotional as a man, but when i am like "ok, time to be logical" i get this weird pushback about how im intellectualizing

[@Carsono5]

This was so well articulated. I worry that if I am not hyper self aware, I'll do something terrible and accidently hurt someone or embarrass myself and that's what keeps me trapped. But if I act on my values and trust myself, I can be confident that I won't act 'badly'.

[@ahem8013]

yes!! mark freeman on youtube has helped me so much with this type of thing.

[@kaywyatt3652]

I resonate sm, thank you for your words, I feel heard

[@quail2455]

YES THIS!

[@giacintaah]

Oh my god do we have the same brain

[@moonbasket]

One of the big things I'm working on is recognizing that I am not the cause of everyone's emotions. I grew up with an emotionally immature parent who put that emotional labor and threat of safety into managing the emotions of those around me. It is an on going practice to remind myself that I am not the cause of some one else's emotions, and if I am, they will likely tell me and we can work through it.

[@CecilyShawtcake]

I think this is the main reason I got into the habit of putting myself down/insulting myself all the time. It felt like I was reassuring the world "yes, I know what you're already thinking about me, don't worry, I'm not THAT stupid!" ... I'm still trying to unlearn this in my 30's, because it's become so ingrained 😓

[@jasminvomwalde7497]

How has self awareness impacted my life negatively? I don‘t talk about things that interest me any more and that alone has made my life so much more sad and colorless than it needs to be. Thank you for the great video.

[@KaciCreates]

Same. I’ve spent my life hiding so much of myself for fear of judgment, trying to be who everyone else expected. It’s going to take a lot of work for me to see through my own eyes and not everyone else’s. But I didn’t come to earth to be someone else. They have the right to be themselves and talk about what they want, and I should, too.

[@sharonaumani8827]

That's so sad. That's one of the more positive things, possibly, about the internet....that you would be more likely to at least find someone who could share your same interest at the level of depth. That's hard to find in a smaller population! I feel that loneliness, sometimes, when I lose people who can relate to many of my special interests. I really hope you can find a mutual interest friend.

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@KaciCreates I so hear that! It makes me teary. We cannot force people to be interested in the same things, to the level of depth that we are. You know how it is when someone else goes on and on about something that started out sort of interesting, but now you are trying to figure out an escape route or keep from nodding off? It really hurts to think of others viewing ourselves, that way, on things that matter so much to us. That's why it is so important to find others to connect with who share that similar depth of interest [and, of course, the more "unusual" and/or the more in depth, the harder that is going to be to find].

[@jasminvomwalde7497]

@ thank you for your kind reply. I hope so too.

[@the_skyisnotblue]

Somewhere along my unmasking journey, I got lost and started to ruminate on my mistakes so much that I forgot the journey was for me and not for anyone else. I kept analyzing my mistakes instead of what made me feel better. Afterwards, I went back to masking because that sucked just as much and was a more acceptable behavior to other people. I wasn't healing. I was making it easier to find fault in how I behave. Unmasking isn't about self-awareness -- it's about introspection. I'm feeling for others more than I am myself.

[@tatumconnerton1783]

All of these comments are relatable, but THIS one is spot on. I am sorry your experience has been less than stellar, but know you’re not alone

[@elizabethaucoin6290]

"Was I kind?" This is exactly what we need to focus on to draw away from the habit of dwelling on who we look like to other people--this has been my focus when I ruminate. It can make being around people like being in a house of mirrors and not sure which ugly distortion represents you more truly. I have been able to determine that this is harmful, and now you have presented a "grounding exercise" that I can use in real time. The best I could come up with on my own is to dwell on the advantages of being underestimated, but this is much more appropriate. I will be reading this post again and again, until I can use it without having to read it again.

[@rainbowpeapod2796]

this is helpful :) thank you

[@quail2455]

Oh my god yes

[@sharonaumani8827]

Yeah, well, unfortunately, I spent a lot of my life being irritable [not seen as kind] because I was stuck in overwhelm, working in highly stimulating/stressful environments with high expectations ["Golden" handcuffs"], trying to survive in a world I knew no other way to survive in, always struggling to do my best, which was never good enough, and always [encouraged] to feel like I was not a very nice human because of it. I kept it up until I absolutely could not [and God knows, I've tried, functioning in autistic burnout for so long].

[@rainbowpeapod2796]

@@sharonaumani8827 thank you for sharing 💜🙏

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@rainbowpeapod2796 Thanks for hearing.

[@_asantesana_squashbanana_]

This + body dysmorphic disorder = hell

[@notmycircusnotmymonkeys3627]

So real. How do you stop ?

[@sarahwilsonuk]

@@notmycircusnotmymonkeys3627 therapy with someone who has experience with this

[@Sarbearlady]

Omfg yes

[@kellesabelle]

Great topic. I wonder if this tendency is especially common for autistic women. I used to think of self-awareness was a superpower but its so exhausting and just sets us up for burnout too.

[@sharonaumani8827]

I never looked at it from this perspective before. Good points.

[@AsukaSoryu-yk4lr]

Good points,too.

[@ZeonGenesis]

I'm REALLY trying so hard to experience life through 1st person! This is so spot on. I just can't though, it's like I can't stop the self-surveying. When I have more dopamine, it is so much easier. It's like I'm lacking the voltage to just think clearly and instead my mind falls into a bunch of little thought puddles that pushes my inner camera backwards onto myself, analyzing and scrutinizing, instead of running smoothly and forward. So uncomfortable! You have so many good points and advice here, I will have to listen to this several times for it to stick. Thank you!

[@NikkiAmber09]

I've been learning to only focus on processing my own emotions. I tried to do emotional processing for my current ex, and it took a while for me to understand that I can't do it for him. He has to want to do it. He wanted to be friends and I put myself first by saying no. I can't handle it emotionally, he was upset about it but I'm not here to please him or what he wants. Thanks so much for this!

[@Magus_Union]

Really needed this today. Sometime I find that my 'introspection' feeds into self critical judgements. Like, being able to know the difference between "I messed up" or "they weren't being fair" when it comes to social circumstance. But I guess it's par for the course growing up in two narcissist households.

[@zetuslapetusmajor]

Me too😭 I basically won’t let myself exist with a range of emotions and reactions at this point. They happen, but I hold back a lot then shame myself after they come out. Even now, I feel ashamed of this comment. Like, is this weird? Am I being honest? What if I’m not being honest and don’t know it? Basically a fear of becoming the narcissist that inflicted harm in my life & it repeats in every situation.

[@negligent2965]

@@zetuslapetusmajor I’ve been there. Try looking up Shame-Bound emotions if you’re still struggling with this, it might be of some help

[@autumnlafferty3050]

As always, Irene, you drop a video when I need it the most. I've been voluntarily hospitalized 3 times just this year from cPTSD induced panic attacks as well as dissociation. I've been in and out of PHPs, IOPs, different therapist's and psychiatrist's offices for the past 10 years. All of these clinical experiences have made my self awareness the worst it's ever been as I've been forced to scratch, dig and pick at the problem of myself and why I can't cope any better- I'm simply a high-masking audhd woman who has never been validated and searching for "what's wrong with me?" When I have shared this groundbreaking self-dx (since 2019) audhd is always dismissed, and turned into the classic cPTSD, anxiety, depression trifecta. Every single clinician I've worked with has said how self aware, articulate, and self-advocating I am. I have only ever felt the most at peace with myself when I realized I was audhd after all these years of trying to better myself and overcompensate. At this point, I've hit a wall in trying to feel better through the typical avenues and I've been stuck in this spiral of analysis paralysis and self doubt from the nonstop invalidation. I can't keep up with this self-flaggelation any longer. I can't keep looking at every possible cognitive distortion and better perspective that maybe I'm missing because it's driving me absolutely nuts. I feel the best about myself when I surround myself with the loving kindness of validating neurodivergents. We are who we are and if we are kind to ourselves, others, and our environment, that is more than enough ❤

[@sharonaumani8827]

Aside from the hospitalizations and, perhaps, extent of therapists, & CBT work, you could almost be telling my own story. I will NOT continue self-flagellation and will continue to advocate [for all of us] the best I can [which is mostly through writing, unfortunately]. CBT....don't get me started! At least now I understand why it's not the best method to push for those of us who are more neurodivergent. I could out argue much of it [and many of my arguments were not off-base]. Point is, I never felt more at home than I have in these on line forums, so hats off to all of you courageous creators, bringing us this information [and surviving the the push to produce].

[@chronicallyresilient]

Thank you so much for this. I’m constantly analyzing myself in my interactions and it’s truly exhausting. I’ve been like this since I was around 4. It ebbs and flows but yeah, I just wanna feel free again 🥺

[@joeminella5315]

Phew! 3 hours of intense therapy in 15 minutes! Thank You, I needed that!

[@NidusFormicarum]

The thing is, society demands things of us autists that not all of us are able to live up to. This means, that we too, need to demand things from other people that are unreasonable, but necessary. I have stopped feeling guilty for my meltdowns, because they are truely not my fault.

[@greedbun]

this is the exact problem i am dealing with. i want to work on it with my therapist. something i heard from an autistic influencer, i forgot who it was but she said that she often spends so much time dissecting the human experience than actually living one. Me too.

[@play-fool]

this is what I just talked to my therapist about today 😭🙏 felt so good to hear you talking about how we will judge ourselves on everybody else's behalf because just like you said I can't turn it off

[@issyrose8642]

Since getting an autism diagnosis a little over a year ago, I’ve been constantly imagining myself from the outside while talking to people, stressing about every single thing I do, and telling myself how i did this wrong and that wrong. This video came at such a good time. I’m so exhausted living this way, as it’s really putting the brakes on me getting to know people and interacting intuitively. I’m trying to let go and not attempt to guess how a person views me, and instead find interest in them and notice how I feel when I’m around that person. Not every tiny thing I do or say has to define me. And I can’t read people’s minds - not all the time

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Self Awareness: "Self-awareness is the knowledge of self in three basic areas: cognitive, physical, and emotional. It is the ability to recognize your own feelings, behaviors, and characteristics. Being self-aware can help you take better care of yourself, have deeper relationships, and live a more fulfilling life." Introspection: "Introspection is a psychological process that involves looking inward to examine one's own thoughts, emotions, judgments, and perceptions." It can be negative if you harsh on yourself. Being aware of characteristic and behaviors as autistic person can lead to lot toxic shaming. I know it used to for me. I use shadow work to find out where that came from, that came from when I was diagnosed as kid. Was taught to shame myself for my behaviors.

[@melissaespinal91]

Would you consider making a workbook about this topic? I think it would help a lot to have the space to work on this topic, because I relate a lot with what you are saying, and the workbook usually lands the ideas into my own experience

[@thethoughtspot222]

I definitely plan to make more workbooks in 2025 😊

[@owenkelly3476]

I've been working my first job in a new filed these past few months, I really needed to hear this after how it's gone for me.

[@EricNewport-h5b]

Thanks for this video. It's been clear to me that this is causing meltdowns lately. I can't stop judging myself from every angle, worrying about how I'm not good or helpful enough for others, until I'm such a mess I'm not helpful to Anyone!

[@ZeonGenesis]

It is so exhausting!

[@juliechen8710]

You described my struggle so accurately. I feel so seen. Tysm!!

[@zarzah9036]

I find your videos so goddamn comforting nd informative, thank you for putting in the effor that you do x always so well thought. Ive found them so helpful in everyday life, which is something quite unique atm with Autism content (atleast with what ive seen). Most content is either informative stuff directed towards newly diagnosed/ undiagnosed people / allistics, or light hearted memey stuff. Your channel is honestly such a needed resource for this community when it comes to the more mundane but impactful everyday ways our disorder effects us and how to navigate them.

[@arobinreads]

The video I needed When I'm with a group of people I really try to make everyone feel okay during conversation. I have been practising not doing that anymore and just focussing on myself and what I want to say.

[@JimenezSoraya98]

I don't know if it's a common autistic experience, I am not only hyper aware of what people might think of me, but also my own thought processes. It used to be really bad when I was younger. Now I've learned to numb myself so I don't obsessively monitor my own though processes. I use anything from substances, to food, to activities.

[@tg_5565]

You don’t know how much I needed this message ❤ thank you

[@KatieIbsen]

I think it’s also important to ask ourselves not only were we kind and did we feel good about our communication, but also trusting our introspection when we feel that a social situation didn’t respect you and your values. I stayed in friendships for too long because I was afraid of not finding acceptance elsewhere when the voice in the back of my head kept telling me it was wrong

[@BrentWigginsWords]

Control what you can control. Focus on what you do best. Forget what people don't say or do, what they do say and do. Live authentically, even when those around you aren't. The last point, "Stop doing emotional labor for those who refuse to introspect" I support wholeheartedly. Be good, be kind, honor you. Keep your values to support your health and happiness. The workplace is filled with sycophants, floaters, and unreasonable people. I have the self-awareness to know that their actions are their own, not mine to accommodate or solve. I get my work done with or without their input. When they pipe up about my work, then I'll make any needed changes, and carry on. It taught me to ask for help and get that help when I need it, but also to help myself.

[@kastanie7445]

truer words have never been spoken, you have no idea how much this resonates 🥺 Thank you!!

[@LilysDoorway]

This video really speaks to something I struggle with personally. Thank you for making this.

[@gormottigrebel9978]

This is something I definitely experience a lot, I will have random moments where its like my mind forcefully pulls me out of my own perspective and tries to calculate how likely every small thing I do is to annoy or turn someone away.

[@ClareMitchellFurtado]

I have recently found this channel and what I enjoy is the calm, observant and articulate explanation of how autistic women feel in the world. This particular video speaks volumes to me. I can't thank you enough.

[@poultrytruffle]

This has found me at the absolute most perfect time in my autistic journey after being diagnosed. Thank you

[@michelleoda8424]

I think this could be very useful for people with social anxiety too Thank you so much for this video! ❤❤

[@MinaNato-gx7xh]

You really helped me understand myself better. I really do tend to bear so much of unnecessary responsibility regarding other people's expectation and judgement...thank you so much 💗

[@jmaessen3531]

You explained so well some of the thoughts ive had trouble putting words to over the past couple years of self-dx and pro-dx in my 30s. Thank you!! This will be so helpful to listen to again and chew on it more deeply.

[@hgriff14]

3:27 i remember being a kid and actually doing that. around 2nd grade after i cursed at a kid and got kicked out of the gifted class because i had to read out loud and he told me to be quiet. stfu is not allowed in the second grade like it was on south park apparently, who would have known. now at 27 im being told by psychiatrists i probably have dyslexia adhd and autism. if only there are signs for those things you can see in childhood that me and more so my brother clearly showed, except he was reading at high school level in elementary school. 🙄

[@tatumconnerton1783]

Fantastic video, this was exactly what I needed this morning. I just went through a several months long assessment for my Autism diagnosis (I have been 99.9% sure for the last 4 years that I’m on the spectrum but imposter syndrome is a beast) and it was not a great experience. All paper tests, no asking me questions about my life or history or letting me bring my mom or wife to get their perspectives. So guess who’s still not officially diagnosed? This guy. I’m feeling extremely defeated and just wanted to say thank you for being here

[@mayaholligan5487]

This resonates so much you said it so well ❤️🥺 I have always felt like im always being watched even when alone bcei constantly police myself, and focus so much on that instead of how I'm feeling! It's put me in so many situations that were unhealthy. I find that inteospection starts to come into my life when i focus on somatic work, freeing up my body to be able to FEEL those emotions.

[@DAHYPEMAN4115]

completely off topic but the way you move your eyes is very satisfying to me.

[@nicolemoffat-FromSource]

This is probably one of my favorite videos from you so far that I’ve seen! This was so well presented and spoken. I often over think in the introspection and self-awareness. Something which I’m learning to appreciate and use as something to recognize myself positively instead of people pleasing and trying to blend in. I’ve already had some of the worst things said about me and to me, and I’ve come through it okay! I can still care about society and being kind without having to change myself for others comfort. Thank you again for this video! So well put!

[@burntalphabetsoup6772]

ohhhh h my god this speaks to me so directly. i gotta start figuring out what virtues i have outside of "be what the majority thinks a person is supposed to be"

[@joeminella5315]

Thanks!

[@ohmanholyshiteu1869]

i wish my younger self heard this before i got bullied by everyone and couldnt see anything positive about myself and i still cant to this day tbh…. so thank you for this video

[@pikmin4743]

excellent. well said, thank you

[@sheilafern4152]

Thank you so much for putting this out!!! I've been feeling this so keenly this week.

[@poeticjustice144]

Thanks for explaining this. I thought they were the same thing. A few people have told me I have to be aware of how people veiw me which seemed like an impossible thing because how was I supposed to get into the mind of a neurotypical or anyone for that matter to know how they would perceive me and my actions. But I guess that's what self awareness is? Then people say I think too much into things when I try. I do a good amount of introspection now.

[@AutisitcallyMelanated]

As always your videos arrive w good timing. I was struggling w this this morning, on the verge of overwhelm cause "I just don't know" & a bit of a analysis paralysis/avoidance. Anyway, notes were taken, reflection & grace is given, introspection in progress. Again, thank u for your guidance 🙏🏾 I appreciate u

[@moongem4489]

This video is so helpful. Thank you so much.

[@xinyugf]

wow i didnt even know how to word that feeling of experiencing everyone elses emotions and my own and yes its so exhausting..

[@shining_sea_m90]

Wow! Thank you so so much! You summarised everything and more that I started to learn since my diagnosis. This hits home and it’s so good to hear it from another person!

[@luisaagudelo7782]

So i'm in the process for an ADHD diagnosis but at yesterday's assessment my psychiatrist asked me some questions that seemed more... autistic-y. So apparently this video came at the right time and fits me like a glove. I've struggled with self awareness for the longest time This has made me feel a lot of disgust towards my way of being and recently I came to realise that I place myself as a sort of Other, which has only made my judgements against myself cold, even borderline cruel. But at lesst it spared me of taking accountability of my quirks and those things that not everyone will like about me. If I could rationalize the internalized judgment and project it into some disgusting, othered, iteration of me -into her- at least I could detach from admiting that she is a part of me. That I am more knowledgeable, more aware, than others think I am, in order to have a clean outer image to present to others, as well as to avoid being belittled and bullied as I have in the past. On the other hand, this has made me a relentless validation seeker (mostly social and academic). If I can't trust my own self judement, I require other's. The tragic thing is that you can't just walk over to people and ask them to ennumerate all of the things that are wrong with you and you must correct, so you live in uncertainty. You live in a constant waiting for the responses to come. But that waiting is very, very painful. The bottom line is, this is hard and maybe I'll go to therapy once i get the dx -whatever result I get, or both- but this video opened my eyes. Thank you

[@visualsno]

I needed this video. Thank you. I tend to overthink, but I realise I am honouring myself in so many ways, and showing up.

[@TheCakeIsALie422]

Your point about self awareness is great. I’ve had to really work on basing my self awareness in how my physical body feels vs. my thoughts at any given moment, and meditation helps with that.

[@willsimpsart]

This spoke to me so deeply holy moly thank you 🙏🙏🙇🙇

[@kiamycarattini]

The timing of your videos is insane! Really needed to hear this today. You’ve helped me understand so much about my self and I’ve been so empowered by your videos. Thank you a million times from me and my boyfriend, who also takes the time to watch your videos so he can understand me better.

[@Shailalalala]

I developed intense and debilitating OCD from an obsession with self awareness. I'm slowly getting there, thanks for sharing this.

[@Xenomorphgirl00000]

The ecosystem example was so simple yet so true omg thank u for this vid

[@CreativeCrumbles]

I love your videos🫶really informative and validating. Thank you❤🙏

[@clivematthews95]

Hi Irene, I hope the break you took last week, helped refresh you. And you gave really good food for thought in this episode. I’m definitely more introspective than self-aware. I hate beating myself up about my shortcomings, I used to do that a lot growing up when I was bullied at home and at school. I’m a tall guy, so I would be picked on for being tall and not knowing how to defend myself, and I would have all my mistakes magnified and put on display. So I always felt like a loser, but… I never *called* myself a loser, I would cry for me instead

[@Chirpy-eo8jq]

That description of watching myself from third person really resonated with me because it is something I have done since at least elementary school. The stress of keeping it up has affected my body. I’m only in my early 20s but I’m losing hair and my heartrate is consistently over 100 bpm at rest, not to mention my mental and emotional health. A lot of things are clicking. I don’t like this life and I haven’t for a while. It doesn’t feel like struggling until someone shows you a better way. Thank you for presenting this option.

[@Hiddenmoon3]

Thank you for describing exactly how I feel!!! This is indeed so draining.

[@raver8558]

Hey, I just wanted to say, this helped me so much. Realizing this is something I was doing helped me stop doing it and I'm a lot less anxious, especially in public. Thank you for this video!!

[@lauragleaves]

This came at the exact right time for me. Thank you Irene.💚

[@alexadellastella5247]

very insightful video, thank you!

[@sebastienmailbox]

Yes! The difference is so subtle and important when making decisions for your life. It's vital for us to find ways to accept our limitations in order to better thrive, regardless of what those limitations may or may not be. I appreciate your videos. They always seem to echo thoughts and feelings I'm journaling about and working through in therapy. Helpful to have your voice to reiterate those things for me.

[@sebastienmailbox]

My self-awareness causes me to "should" on myself all the time, denying the truth of my experience, and demanding my behaviour meet or exceed certain standards. Introspection has led me to knowing that I have limitations on what I can and cannot do, and that I need to make more mindful decisions about where I choose to put my energy and priorities to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Practice makes progress!

[@raymoonlight3396]

I think I took on too much. I thought, "I'm the common denominator in all the fallouts I've had before so I must be the problem" and I took all the blame when I should've only taken on the blame for mistakes only I made... that and taking on every passing comment&/ insult personally. "This person said I'm lazy, so I must be lazy.." so much more. But I got so tired of thinking this way cause it kept me in inertia, unable to move forward for years and years, feeling like maybe the world would be better without me in it... (sorry if that triggered anyone, that was not my intention) But like I said, I was tired of this and some part of me, even without my conscious knowledge, kept fighting so hard to keep me here. Make me ask, "why am I feeling like this? What is it that is different about me? Why don't I fit in? What makes me not so normal?" I think it took me 2-4 years to actually get here and finally be able to say "I'm valid. I'm different cause that's who I am deep down. I am neurodivergent. My feelings are valid and I don't need to chip away at myself to fit in. I can just be me."

[@zetuslapetusmajor]

Thank you for sharing. This gave me hope because I’m experiencing similar things & it feels so hard to just believe in my validation.

[@jamiehh_7045]

I feel I’m constantly analyzing myself from other people’s opinions of me which sucks, it just trains myself to constantly be judging my actions while simultaneously trying to make sense of other’s judgement- which is inherently exhausting 😭 It makes me very self conscious of looking “weird” when I don’t want to look that way in the slightest. But everybody looks weird to me in some way so I don’t think it matters as much as I think it does- Introspection for me I think is definitely going to be a journey :,) I think I have to let myself feel what I’m feeling in moments and trust that this is my story not anyone else’s to write on . I don’t need people to annotate my life for me, this is me just owning I’m probably a little strange to adults but the eff you mentality of I have a right to be here intermixed with moments of kindness, curiosity, silence and understanding make up me not what others see. ❤

[@rkivelover]

This is definitely something I struggle a LOT with and I've slowly been realising that, as someone for whom it is very unnatural to be self-aware, constantly trying to be aware of and anticipate social mistakes in order to "do better" just makes me exhausted and paranoid. It's probably why so many autistics are misdiagnosed or also diagnosed with social anxiety - this kind of hyperawareness, although seen as "the bare minimum" and second nature to neurotypicals, is actually so much harder work for us and makes us intensely anxious. It's just been very difficult for me to trust myself and be comfortable in my own skin when I am constantly reminded that the social standards of the majority are not something I can consistently live up to, no matter how hard I try. It's going to take some time for me to fully understand and be okay with the way I need to communicate in social situations, but I'm hopeful that one day I can accept that everyone is different and my difference is no less valid than anyone else's, and should not be the cause for my own chronic distress and poor mental health. I need to start prioritising myself more and remember that I am not being unkind by looking after myself as well as other people. I really just need to be able to start over too, boarding school is such a suffocating environment and I've been stuck here for a very long period of my life now.

[@-WillAlone-]

I'm 40, and discovered that I was autistic about a year ago.When i found out,i started focusing on it, and yes,it got worse.But,i believe everything is meant to be.

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

The self awareness Vs introspection was in charge of my decision making. It still might be, but at least to a lesser extent. After high school, I looked at options university provided, because most of classmates will look at uni first. And uni has status. So, I picked something I had a mild interest in. But it wasn’t a passion or special interest or anything. That sucked my energy and motivation into oblivion. Even after I quit, I still didn’t chase after something I genuinely wanted (creative writing) in favour of something less artsy and thus more socially and monetarily desirable. But I couldn’t ignore my true self forever. That leads to nothing but self sabotage. I can only hope to excel in things I am genuinely adept at and interested in. I chased something that goes against my true self. And no matter how hard I push, I’ll be average at best. 6:00 Uni was such a toxic environment for me in that case. I felt like I had to compensate for all my weaknesses and got to use none of my strengths. And I couldn’t click with the people there. It took a while before I went from not feeling that great in uni to realising the environment was actively harming me. Trying to find this environment that suits me in terms of people, interests and growth is the biggest question I’m dealing with.

[@slewy6351]

I think that this viewpoint is situational, even if common, and would say that self-awareness has made me a lot happier as an adult. I was very self aware as a child, very low income background, no diagnosis, amongst other things which were affecting me. I can definitely say that this caused me more mental illness and delusion/ escapism, which ironically, becomes the staunch opposition of self-awareness. I was not ‘happy’. I suppose I would have become un-self-aware, because it was actually bearable. I became ignorant under the false promise of bliss. As a self-aware adult who has attained self-actualisation and is hand in hand one with his most authentic self, I have to say that I am quite happy and don’t really care what others think. I know and accept my flaws openly. I know what I have achieved and I know who I am. Sometimes people look down on or judge me because I make no show of impressing people and might not look like I am capable of the things I have done, but when I talk and people hear me speak, suddenly their attitude shifts. Why would I mind what people think about me, when I know their assessment is arbitrary? If I know it is possible to make people like me with applied effort, and I don’t really need them to like me, why should I care? I know there’s nothing wrong with me just because I choose to (or not) put in that effort. I know their assessment is based off of a one dimensional viewpoint, about a person who they don’t truly know.

[@carmiezaya9849]

Oh man, I needed to hear that today. Please feel free to make a part 2 on this.

[@madeleineringbom]

Here I’ve thought I’m hyper self aware, but I have a lack of self awareness! Thank you for teaching me about introspection, because I analyse myself from the inside ALL THE TIME

[@jassensosa4688]

This helped so much. Thank you.

[@ubiquitousLeees]

Wow this is amazing. “Emotional hygiene” of course! It makes so much sense! I can’t thank you enough for the timing of this video. ❤

[@kassandrad3230]

Didn’t know how much I needed this

[@InterDivergent]

As a late diagnosed Autistic person, I can confirm that being self-aware has helped me recognise my very many Autistic traits that I have either masked or that are visible. While it is good that I am becoming self-aware of my own traits, it can also act negatively upon me for the exact same reasons. What I was once oblivious to, and dealt with as though it were part of my personality previously, I am now aware that it is something that I cannot change; it's just part of me: Something which I need to accept and move on with in knowing that this is just the way I am. That is a difficult truth to deal with in some instances.

[@dragonwoah7983]

This is wild I’m getting this video because I recently made a joke in class that I got a strange response from and I’ve been beating myself up over it. I’ve been calling myself dumb and mean and saying I should’ve been more serious. As well as more hurtful things. I knew logically that it probably wasn’t actually as bad as I thought and it something was wrong someone would’ve (or should’ve) told me and that didn’t happen. But it’s been so hard to get out of my own head and it’s often like that for me. Idk if I’ve ever really been introspective. I have no idea where to start. Trying to change my perspective while I’m currently upset about something I said or did seems impossible rn. I think it might be easier for me to start being introspective by myself. I can’t keep up with journaling so I might just have to be introspective whenever I remember and have the mental capacity and time to try. It’s hard for me to be positive and uplifting esp to myself.

[@quail2455]

Wow I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately! I’m so glad to hear that this is like a whole thing lol, I was feeling existential about it.

[@HonestlyElsie]

This video was amazing, and something I so needed today. Very applicable for the phase of my growth journey I'm moving through right now. Thank you, Irene! Your videos are truly awesome and so insightful, I always learn something new or am given a perspective through which to understand my own experience more deeply. 💛

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

3:40 I realise I have been doing that a lot more than I thought I did. It kind of came out in a coaching session lately. I have a strong bond with my brother. I love him dearly. But, consciously or subconsciously, I’ve been looking up to him. A lot. We both did vwo (gymnasium: with Ancient Greek and/or Latin) at high school (which is the highest ‘level’ in the Dutch high school system [I don’t want level to come across as degrading or feeling superior or anything]). I was a pretty decent student. Somewhere in the middle/a bit below the pack. But, yeah, decent. I paid attention and always made sure to sit in the front of the class to make sure I *could* pay attention. Some teachers have called me a textbook good student in that regard. My grades were alright. Buuut… thing is. My brother did vwo/gymnasium too. And he had more subject. And he graduated cum laude (is that a term people use in English)? So, in comparison… I was… eh. We both did uni for a little while. He is still there, but I quit. I really think I tried to keep up with his standards in some way. He’s a great uni student. I did my best. I did my actual stinking best. The two tests I made went alright, once more… But just… the workload, systems in place, focus on research. It wasn’t for me. Plus, I couldn’t connect with anyone, really. I tried at first, but later on, I had no energy to keep trying. I had no time for friends. And, perhaps even more importantly; no time for special interests. Well… hello there burnout. I know my brother is just another mere human, like the rest of us. And in some more personal conversations, that seeps through. We both struggle with different things. I think part of the thing here is that I struggle more with things society values more/doesn’t expect you to struggle with. Me and my brother both have our strengths. And quite a few similarities, honestly, despite being quite different as well. There are innate autistic strengths. And that’s where I need to judge myself more. There are some things I just innately excel at. High school and uni just aren’t the environments that are meant to help nourish and make flourish those strengths. I have always been a creative. An artistic autistic. Maybe I’ll get something of a reality check when I really externalise my art, but I think I’m already quite good at what I do. Partly by default. I love symbolisms and tying things together in a way that makes perfect sense to me, but probably will feel completely out of the box to others. I don’t remind myself often that my worldview is really unique and special. To me, it’s just normal.

[@ciaramulherin9728]

I really needed to see this today, thank you. Subscribed!! May we all be happy little rainforest frogs. Also I’ve had a back in stock reminder turned on on Lucy and Yak for the fleece you’re wearing for weeks, it’s so lovelyyy. Thanks for putting this out there!!

[@ericfalley]

I find this video interesting because what you described as introspection is pretty close to how I'd personally define self-awareness: the ability to be aware of your inner psychology, thoughts, and feelings in real time. So, self-awareness only focuses on the self, except for external events and factors which may be affecting your own psychological state. What you describe as self-awareness is what I'd call social awareness.

[@ericfalley]

I kind of wonder now if I completely misunderstood how other people have been using the term self awareness this whole time.

[@jessicaburrows6596]

Oooohhhh, thank you for speaking to this. I struggle SO much w this.

[@Gobbledygook30]

Clicked on this video on a whim andam pleasantly surprised to feel seen. Thank you!

[@Enbiienvy]

omigod, literally so good 😩😭 and so on point, freaking love your content! I can't get over how smart you are 🤣😭💞

[@carmiezaya9849]

What is I started being unkind to stand up for myself? Pushing away others and self isolating 🤸🏻‍♀️

[@lunaskye328]

{Standing ovation}👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽Very well said Irene! Just last week did this idea enter my awareness. You worded it perfectly. Thank you! You often give me the words I need to describe concepts. Thank you for all you've changed in my life❤

[@natalie.proverbs]

Wow, you showed up and spoke truth. Thank you

[@finnnbug]

i appreciate you so much for sharing this perspective and reminder :) it really couldn’t have come at a better time for me so i just wanna say thank you ❤

[@pb11118]

Love this! So true I have spent way too much time on this in the past

[@divanity888]

Omg I feel this sooo much

[@Thymeseedvoice]

Thank you, gave me a puzzle piece for understanding some nuances of the process.❤

[@annabelle_michelle]

Thank you so much for this. I appreciate your incredible wisdom so much.

[@Wingedmagician]

Its interesting how we all reach the same insights. Ive been having very similar thoughts. At a certain point Im realizing that I have to be ok with how Im misunderstood or misrepresented.

[@leoni-e]

That was such an important message, thank you 🖤