Sensory torments and how to defeat them

[@suricrasia]

I love that you mention multiple times the fear that people would find something weird, only to realize that "nobody cares." when you grow up around people who care so much about making you "normal," you internalize that *everyone* cares about you being "normal." When in reality, nobody actually cares.

[@a_lilian]

If you are suffering silently, I believe you! don't give up, skeleton

[@diegoyanez1868]

Thank you! Rattles

[@MimiHitchcock]

@@diegoyanez1868 also rattles

[@MrZacdeath]

*Rattles aggressively in agreement*

[@rainbowcat1531]

2u, NEVER GIVE UP!

[@grincker9234]

Don't give up, skeleton In short, try light

[@Mysterious_Wisp]

I swear every time I watch your videos I learn something completely new, why didn't anyone tell me about glasses like that existing

[@haassteambraker9959]

For me it was the Loop earplugs. Gonna be looking at getting my hands on some.

[@Mysterious_Wisp]

@@haassteambraker9959 ear plugs never fit in my ears and are unconformable, but its does sound nice

[@Cortalian]

​I've got a pair and they're great, definitely recommend

[@Bob-bs9ok]

I hope I can get them with perscription lenses

[@doinkaesthetics]

Yeah, like, where do I get lenses like that?

[@Rillivid]

This is totally why I love the shifts at my security job people don't want. People hate the shifts where not much happens but for me it's heaven because I can patrol (occasionally w/ similar glasses for lights) with far less noises, visuals, and stimuli to overstimulate me. It is so nice to hear such similar experiences in a video like this. So thankful for this content.

[@a_lilian]

Tinted lenses buddy! If I wasn't so mellow and physically small, I think I'd love overnight security. There's something so enchanting about empty buildings at night

[@Rillivid]

@@a_lilian absolutely and my coworkers just think I have glasses lol and that I just chose a cool color. And yeah hard agree on the empty buildings. I work in a massive complex so on quiet nights I'll just wander all the empty floors and let my mind wander. It's nice to find a job that can coexist with my autism. I'm glad you can have the same, too.

[@ishaalimtiaz6715]

OMG YEEEEEEEEEES :) @@a_lilian

[@Seth9809]

I imagine you would really notice if there was actually noise or something was moved.

[@midori_the_eldritch]

the "none of these are that bad on there own, but together they are hell" is also how i describe why im disabled. none of my conditions are bad enough on there own for me to consider them disabling, but the way they interact is just too hard to get around or treat enough for me to be functional. also now i want to look into hearing aids even more.

[@tikimillie]

As a kid, i could hear my parents whisper “do you think she want icecream?” Through several walls, 3 rooms over, like, 15 meters away and come running. At the same time they could actively call my name and it wouldn’t register. Now i can hear buzzing from a lamp from several rooms over and feel it cut paper cuts in my brain, the sun is a deadly lazer so i use tinted glasses that react to uv and get darker in sunlight and im trying out noise dampening headphones which are like, a life changer… The thing about autism and nerves is so strange though, cause you’d think its an all in your brain thing, but autistic folk also often have issues with balance and temperature regulation, aswell as some having tics as a symthom, so theres like, could it be called a nerve disorder?

[@sumfagola]

Throwing stuff at the wall but it seems like your mind decides to register some information gathered by your senses as "unimportant" and some as "important". For whatever reason, that small irritant demands your complete attention, and you seek solutions to block/suppress it. Conversely, specific details or just mundane social interactions may seem unimportant to your mind and so you will automatically block/suppress it without your explicit desire to do so. Sometimes I do feel similarly to that where at times I would get extremely irritated at the most inconsequential things in the day-to-day life, but at that instance, that small thorn in my side is indicative of my sanity.

[@somerandommorron7069]

Same do you also get the tv sound which is especialy loud for older tvs

[@ryoki_PH]

the brain and body are a lot less seperate than we thought, so i don’t think there’s actually much of a difference. i used to have dissociative identity disorder, meaning i was both dissociated and my nerves were almost constantly on high alert, and it effected things like my body’s physical development. your brain is also just part of your body.

[@rascaltherascal]

this is so real !!!!! but it feels like as time goes on for me it's harder for the former to manifest and the latter is more and more present guess i just have a really bad attention span or something

[@acertainredpanda1115]

Wait my balance issues may be a part of my autism disability? I'll have to look that up.

[@crtchicanery9605]

Throwing my own tip in the ring: if you've tried white noise to cover up sounds but found it grating, try pink noise instead! It fulfills the same function but I find it a lot more bearable at the high volumes needed to actually cover external noise. I get sensory overload when there are overlapping conversations in the office. My brain totally shuts down, I can't concentrate on anything at all. Pink noise is a total lifesaver.

[@apocalyptosoldier5527]

Is there a way to replace my tinnitus with pink tinnitus?

[@hedge931]

I enjoyed using brown noise for a while. However, I got tinnitus from using it too much, particularly having it play overnight in headphones for many nights in a row. Proceed with caution! My tinnitus eventually went away after stopping.

[@Insanonaga]

Pink noise brown noise… can we get some definitions?

[@randoman8654]

@@Insanonaga It's pretty hard to define noise in words, but "colors of noise" on wikipedia gives you the technical stuff and also includes samples of each of the noises

[@taffetatwist2194]

Been using white noise for the past year and had no idea there were other flavours until I read your comment sending me down the rabbit hole of colour noises - thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@basiltheflowerboy143]

The discription of the bad noise alone was enough for my own nervous system to also want to just leave my body. so uh good job on describing it!

[@lunaris69]

ive never felt so understood as i have in the comment section of this video

[@nataliexists]

saaa-meee. i HATE cardstock with a burning passion

[@shavono8402]

"I thought that people would think I was weird for (doing things), but it turned out that nobody cared." is such a freeing realization to have. Very few people actually care what you're wearing, doing, etc. as long as it's not affecting them. Those glasses and gloves are badass, anyways.

[@hyperklathos]

That image of the "teeth on a chalkboard" is so viscerally how I feel, it blows me away you use that description.

[@rorynator7567]

I was diagnosed with autism at an early age, so I was given specialised care on coping with all of these and they pretty rarely pop up in my adult life Albeit, for a short while you talking about your childhood experiences really brought those feelings back. I used to HATE pencil but I just forced myself to cope with it for whatever reason. The scratchy noise used to hurt my throat. When I'm already irritated it all comes back, and the wind in the hair is infuriating when I'm already bad.

[@quinnfarris]

Its sound like you mightve been given ABA therapy? Its typically used to force autistic kids into masking so they can 'be normal'

[@enragedkonchu7422]

Oh my god, the "bad noise". I am cursed, to where the bad noise is basically all music played through a speaker. Being someone who works in kitchens, having coworkwrs who *insist* upon playing music all day, meant 10 hours of genuine, actual hell. Daily. I'm so glad I quit that job, because after a while, I was getting physically ill from it. Muscle spasms, constant vomiting, my heart rate would stay at a consistent 140 for. Hours. My fitbit seriously thought I had an Olympic level of cardio training. I would be in a constant state of fight/flight. And I seriously started chewing myself as a stress response, like a bird plucking out its own feathers. And the ENTIRE time everyone acted like I was crazy for it. Or that I just "hated people having fun". I've been called overdramatic, a freak, and asked "when I was going to get over this already". Which, to no ones surprise, did not actually help me! Sorry, but if I could cure my sensory issues, I would be doing that as a job and making bank. Of course, I've accepted that I'll never really be able to be "fine" with music. But I've been able to cope a lot more with it. Because accepting that I'll feel this way has gotten rid of the "I shouldn't be feeling this way, what is wrong with me" that hurts SO much more. And, as a bonus, I can be freakingly calm about most things, since I've learnt how to have a better grasp on the flight/fight reflex too.

[@obictaku3223]

as someone with autism who struggles with lights a lot it's also worth saying that if the tinted glasses don't work well enough for you there are places that do tests and make custom ones that fit you in particular. mine are green with a hint of blue, they are made similarly to those coloured plastic sheets to help you read. the best part is you can get frames from any glasses shop and they will make the lenses to fit so you can get a pair you will be happy to wear everyday. fair warning it can be a little pricey (less than a new phone where I live though) but it will be the best money you spend in your life, if it is more expensive where you are then use the wedding ring rule

[@a_lilian]

That's fascinating! If you're comfortable sharing, is there a term for the process someone could search if they wanted to look into it? Plonking "custom lens tinting" or "therapeutic lens tinting" into Google isn't getting me much about calibrating a tint to a specific person's needs but it sounds really interesting.

[@obictaku3223]

​@@a_liliani have tried to reply but I think somthing in it is setting off a filter maybe check if you can let them through

[@tylerhind6709]

I'm curious what the wedding ring rule is.

[@obictaku3223]

@@tylerhind6709 the one that people says you should spend 3 months pay on your ring

[@alvatoredimarco]

@@tylerhind6709 The wedding/engagement ring rule (less of a rule than a social norm, and not one that really gets followed anymore anyway) is that you should spend an amount on your engagement/wedding ring that is equal to no more/less three months' worth of your income.

[@TheBlueWizzrobe]

Every time I see stuff like this I feel very thankful that the things that set me off sensatorily are very uncommon to encounter in everyday life. I am UNOKAY if I ever do hear one of those specific sounds, but it so rarely happens that I didn't even think much of it for the longest time.

[@khoshekhthecat]

I really like the voice you choose for your videos, it's calming and soft, and basically everything I want my voice to be. It feels like a caring nurse or something. There's still that sort of formality, but it's cushioned in so much softness that I just melt and feel safe for once.

[@SaturnSnapple]

I'm not autistic. At least I think I'm not? But I relate to literally all of this. The worst one is carts at where I work which have metal feet. You're supposed to pick the feet up before moving a cart but people at my job are really lazy and just drag the metal across the polished concrete and it drives me literally insane. I badgered my store manager for weeks until she finally agreed to let me put rubber stops on all the feet. When I say this was torture, I was ready to just quit my job completely lol. Edit: OMG Ive basically done the same thing with my clothes. All of this has manifested pretty recently too so I didn't even realize there were people going through this whole thing the same way I am. Ive just started wearing gloves all the time and I tell people Its a sanitary thing (which it is a little) but It's more of a sensory thing. there are just way too many textures at work and such that make my body scream everytime I have to touch them. the worst is anything super dry like powders and especially cardboard.

[@rmaatn606]

Autism is being destigmatized and I couldn't be happier. People are starting to feel comfortable confronting the possibility they are autistic. You can see the same phenomenon with left handedness in china. There is a stigma against left handedness in chinese culture. This has been getting better throughout history (forcing right handedness through violence used to be normalized) and as things have improved the "number" of left handed people in china has gone up.

[@tubebrocoli]

out of curiosity, did you go through some extended isolation or at least working from home during the lockdowns? I know that due to the couple of years working almost exclusively from home, a lot of the sensory issues i thought i had permanently conditioned myself to be able to tolerate, went completely down the drain. Not that it was good before, but i had learned to go on even while bothered, but now it's unbearable, and I'd rather deal with the sensory issues directly instead.

[@elokin300]

⁠@@rmaatn606 Huh. Wonder why so many cultures hated left-handed people. I know that in the US they used to whip children’s palms with metal rulers because they thought that it was caused by demonic possession, but China has a completely different religious background and still ended up with a similar stigma

[@Cecilia-ky3uw]

​​​@@tubebrocoliI definitely did and I can tell you it I have a range of similar-to-her symptoms to a mild extent, so things like too much talking takes a toll after a while since I get quickly exhausted, plates that are too sticky when you rub across them give me discomfort too, as my usual plates have lower friction that my new ones, the thing about scratching certain things for me is that it's inconsistent, ie sometimes when I scratch paper it feels cringy scraping but 99% of the time it is fine. I don't know about some of the odder things though, I have short hair for example, so the thing that has bothered and plagued me has been the fact my face is eternally oily except for showers and after, and it's hell since I wear glasses, but it isn't homicidal rage. Otherwise I've developed a lot more self awareness and I distinctly dislike it(I am a teenager, mid teens), Christ how does anyone live with so much internal dialogue and introspection? Is it just me who is crazy enough to do stupid things and speak to myself and basically go ham in private to entertain myself? And then the internal monologues, Lennon's lemmings I'm dying, to vaguely put it, I have invasive thoughts, question those invasive thoughts and question those questions and when I feel down it is arghghg!

[@фдф]

@@rmaatn606yeah, i didnt even know what autism was about a year ago, but now im realising i have a lot of symptoms of it

[@koenko]

god just hearing "fork on a rough surface" as a description made me physically recoil in sickness and pain. this is so real

[@starofaetherius]

The tinted glasses, bandana, and gloves: youve basically nailed that classic hippie free love style and im here for it!

[@tylersiegfried8222]

I always wear gloves now whenever I play the trumpet. It kinda started unintentionally, but I kept doing it because it’s comfortable and keeps my horn incredibly shiny which makes me happy.

[@bowsercake3336]

PLEASE make that video on hearing aids! I also have APD and noise sensory issues and I'd love to hear about how you alleviate that yourself

[@harrisondorn7091]

Seconding this!

[@PaperArk]

Two Major problems I have with sensory overload are the sounds of tape being rolled out and sharpies on paper and cardboard. Im going on year 6 now working as someone who ships packages directly in front of a packing station where, on average, at least 8 people are in earshot packaging orders and writing the information on these grainy cardboard boxes with these cheap sharpie knockoffs, all taped by the most ear piercing clear packaging tape. Seriously going to look into hearing aids because a minimum of 8 hours a day of hell on earth has been absolute torment and I legitimately can't see myself tolerating it forever. Your videos are so informative and enlightening. There hasnt been one I've watched yet where I didnt feel seen and understood. Thank you so much for doing what you do, and may you continue to do it as comfortably as you possibly can. 💜

[@guy84838]

lol the bad sensory of just hearing someone describe the things is a very funny 4d experience to this video

[@fochti]

I FEEL SO SEEN with the pencil thing! Compared to most autistic people my sensory issues seem to be rather mild (I'm even HYPOsensitive to many stimuli), but hearing scritchy-scratchy pencil noises literally makes my body hair stand up, and I've ran into many autistic people who cannot relate at all D: Fun Fact: The Netflix show "Atypical", which is about an autistic teenager, has The Bad Pencil Sounds in its intro. When I watched it the first time (with headphones...) I was like, you got to be kidding me 🥲

[@a_lilian]

Ahhh I'm so glad fochti! Sometimes when I get The Bad Noise in the headphones real bad I have to go run my nails on a soothing texture to purge the squick out of my body ;-;

[@fochti]

@@a_lilian Gotta cleanse and reset your sensory system like an etch-a-sketch

[@Reubenaut]

There are erasable pens but mechanical pencils are great due to reduced contact = less sound

[@fochti]

@@Reubenaut Yeah I always used the mechanical ones :D they feel nice

[@a_lilian]

@@Reubenaut Oh goodness, yes. The go-to justification from the teachers was usually "you need to be able to erase!" so then I started bringing erasable pens and that was usually the point where they'd get very cross and start pegging me with the "oppositional"/"argumentative" labels. Kid me didn't understand that past a certain point it was no longer about logic and rationality but rather conformity and authority. Also I still carry mechanical pencils at work for the rare occasion that pencil is actually necessary! I find that H lead (roughly a #3 pencil instead of a #2) works pretty well for taking the edge off the bad noise!

[@gammafae-zib]

I had a friend of mine send this video around the time it originally came out after they noticed several TTRPG sessions that we were in together where I would be wearing either earplugs or my headset with nothing playing (sometimes even both) and still be telling the group to quiet down several times throughout the session. At the time it was completely eye opening after some self reflection, both with those instances and the fact that I never was able to sit away from the front of a classroom without getting lost. Though, the initial start to getting help was an utter nightmare (which is the main reason why I’m now commenting on this video nearly a year after watching it). It took almost 7 months just to find a doctor willing to write up a referral for me to get a hearing test done, and at the time I feared that nothing would get done since the tests were primarily for those with hearing loss. Despite this, the audiologist actually had a couple tests to work out potential symptoms of Auditory Processing Disorder, even if they were unable to properly diagnose the condition. On top of that, the tests did discover that I had actually developed Hyperacusis, which gave me an in depth explanation as to why nearly every single noise ever felt physically painful for me! (To give a bit of context, my left ear is so sensitive that even the sounds of a library could potentially be too much for me, and my right ear isn’t much better in that regard). Sadly, I still have a ways to go for getting an APD diagnosis, but there is hope even after a recent ENT appointment nearly crushed it to dust… I’m very fortunate to have gotten off the waitlist for an adult autism clinic in my area and have an upcoming appointment next month, though there’s a good chance the wait for this was abnormally short due to the fact that I’ve already gotten 2 official autism diagnoses in my youth. When that day comes, I hope to reach out for proper APD testing in the hopes that one day I’ll be able to listen to Spotify without tweaking the equalizer to amplify vocals and setting the entire app to play songs quieter by default so they don’t hurt my ears as bad 😅 my goal currently is to potentially get myself some low gain hearing aids before the end of the school year to help with both the APD and Hyperacusis (+ some occasional tinnitus I’ve been getting the past few months) [Also, for those wondering, I do have noise canceling headphones for the time being, but whenever I turn it on I can hear whatever sounds they use to suppress outside noise like a white noise machine and get massive pressure headaches along with a touch of nausea due to said “white noise.” So, I never use the noise canceling function on my headphones because of those things messing with me physically.]

[@xenoclea]

wow using hearing aids for anything other than hearing loss is so cool to me! i’ve had hearing loss all my life and never knew they could serve this purpose

[@glasssawsslipperstraws7410]

I currently do not have an autism diagnosis, but I definitely feel alot of unusual things that make me shut down or lose it, especially in the touch and smell department. Whenever I wash dishes and touch that gross mushed food it makes me shut down (idk if thats normal because alot of people consider it gross but I have to completely stop and get myself together again to continue the dishes). I just wear gloves for that so that if I touch something I at least know that I am wearing gloves, it still freaks me out because I can somewhat feel it, but its not AS bad. Another touch thing is that if I am cleaning anything, or if i eat anything even if its not greasy or if i am not even touching it I have to wash my hands before I even think about touching anything (idk if this is anything with autism but I end up washing my hands like 10+ times a day) I also have some cases where my family is cooking something and the smell completely attacks me to the point where i just stay in my room until they're done eating dinner or plug my nose and not breathe until I am past the kitchen. I also have a very large problem with food texture and taste as well, to the point where I only eat a couple things that im fine with but that's a whole other thing I guess. Thank you for making these videos because they do make me feel less weird even if what we hate sensory wise are different things.

[@mikkelens]

I only recently started being able to touch gross things, like kitchen sink drains. I still wash my hands many times every time I make my food.

[@cassius_scrungoman]

this video is *awesome!* it's almost alarming to be able to relate to a video so closely, thanks for being open with what you struggle with to show that it's normal. :> i threw a shout-out towards your channel on a second-channel video i made, because these really are great. thanks!

[@johannesviljoen9656]

im not sure why but your TTS is far more comforting than most people's voices that ive heard.

[@ren_it_rains]

I'm not autistic but I have pretty bad misophonia/misokinesia and I suppose I do get a little overstimulated sometimes (always have to wear sunglasses at the dentist, for example) so I really relate to the sensory struggle. I've been wearing noise cancelling headphones and stimming in class sometimes but it can be hard to hear the prof, and it also doesn't help with visual triggers. I don't know what else to do to help my misophonia, so I would love to hear about talking to an audiologist and getting hearing aids at some point!

[@Dragoonofdeath]

BOOK RELEASE WHEN.

[@made-of-amelium]

Since first seeing this video, I've gone from "yeah I don't think I really have sensory issues like they do" to trying to find ways to manage most of my senses. Thanks for the video, it really helped me improve my QoL.

[@connorbutters8479]

work can really be overstimulating, it can be busy, loud, bright and things can feel not right. somehow i've managed to get through two years at my current job without any aids for my autistic needs though this video has definitely made me consider if those needs should really be addressed rather than ignored

[@angrazero8296]

ngl, I always knew about autism ever since middle school but it never peaked my interest even after meeting people with autism as a teenager. It all changed when I was 23, got into psychology, and met my best friend who was the kindest person in the world and JUST HAPPENED to be autistic. Ever since then, I developed this strange curiosity to know EVERYTHING there is to know about Autism and I even pay extra attention to detail when I meet people in the autism spectrum.

[@sothe0539]

Oh wow, I have a lot of similar reactions to the things you describe in this video, especially in social situations and with what you described as "the bad noise"...I always assumed that was just me being weirdly sensitive, so it's good to know there might be more to it and there's stuff you can do about it. All that being said, I've been really enjoying your videos. ^^ Your style is really charming and it's been very interesting hearing about all of your experiences. Good luck with everything going forward!

[@sofamutual]

every video you make is unbelievably comforting thank you

[@lauragrigoletto906]

forcing you to use a pencil is so weird to me, especially because here in Italy it's quite the opposite: they want you to start using pens from the second year of elementary school and from middle school onwards you're allowed to only use non-erasable ones

[@fluffyworm]

1:34 I have actually the opposite problem. I find writing with pen more draining and painful (it's physically more difficult to do)than with pencil but in my school they expected us to use pens.

[@taffetatwist2194]

Never before have I ever had a person so succinctly and elegantly sum up how I've always felt about pencils, paper & markers as just "The Bad Noise™". Your words and suggestions made me feel so much more at ease with myself, thank you!

[@TheseusGarcia]

1:29 Oh boy See i understand I like writing and drawing with pens for a similar reason and it made me more aware of how loud writing with pencils is

[@saltedbird5624]

This video is such a blessing! I'll have to look into those tinted glasses, the reminder that people won't care whatever you do to accommodate yourself is very nice, but really, that message at the end made me cry, thank you so much for getting your words out into the world!

[@comfyVA]

Hi, just wanted to pop in and say TYSM! My spouse has a lot of similar sensory issues, and it's all extremely bad in the workplace (they work in an open concept office w/fluorescents). We tried to get them to approve WFH, but they're massive sticklers about it (despite being as productive at home as they are in the office on the current 3office/2home hybrid schedule. The audio thing in particular, high frequency noises, static or anything that sounds like a blender or dubstep music gets to them. We used to use Vibes earplugs because they're pretty good at keeping bad sounds out while keeping people audible, but it's not enough for an 8-hour workday. I'll be sure to find an audiologist ASAP! 🙇

[@Meelous_Temple]

I HARD POGGED when u dropped the character sheet equipment idea. This is going to CHANGE MY LIFE.

[@scrapbotcommander]

I don't struggle with sensory torments, but your explanation of it was funny, informative, and beautiful, especially the ending. I'm really glad the video is reaching so many people, hopefully it encourages us to look at things a little differently so that teachers will actually try to help students who are going through this instead of just calling them names and failing to listen to them.

[@adog3129]

this is the first time i've ever heard someone directly acknowledge the bad noise. it's hurt me since i was a kid and nobody knew

[@acertainredpanda1115]

Thanks to this video I started wearing sunglasses outside, even when it's overcast. It has saved me so much energy from reduced colors and light, and it even filters small movement for my brain. I don't care what other people think. I need this to function.

[@Mekose]

This is a beautiful video. I have some of these same sensory issues but I've grown out of or have learned to tolerate most of them. When I was in elementary school, I couldn't wear shirts with tags or socks with seams, they made me feel like I had a burning rash. Every time I tried to eat in the cafeteria I would run to the bathroom and throw up because of the loud noises, until finally I got a doctor's note and they let me eat in the teacher's lounge. Certain physical sensations or anxiety can give me shivers (though, as I've gotten older I've found getting shivery can be a bit charming in the bed-room :3) It was really rough growing up and not having people understand you or think you were making things up for attention, especially when I absolutely hated attention. I wish my younger self had seen this video. I think it's very important to normalize empathy for differences and instead of focusing energy on trying to conform to what is "normal", focus that energy on accepting yourself and solving ways to tackle those issues. Face masks being normalized (except when people make them political) has been a huge boon for me. Face masks act like breathing into a brown paper bag, slowing my breathing and heart rate and really helping my social anxiety; also I just think I look cute in a mask and have pretty eyes. Fingerless gloves and tinted glasses sound so cool and clever as well.

[@maskrosfe]

aaaaaa thank you so much for your videos, im staying up to watch them and I can’t stop crying with a sort of relief and recognition! I feel very inspired to stop fighting myself and just fight my discomforts!

[@VulpePrince]

The way you explained your experience with "the bad noise" was so validating. As a kid I described certain sounds making my teeth feel weird or even hurt and was looked at like I was weird (by my parent) and then it was brushed off since it wasn't all the time and I don't think anyone really believed me about it for years. It's almost as if yeah, I am not making that up, my teeth DO feel angry at certain noises!

[@guitarsonmars]

as someone who's been really struggling lately, especially with sensory overload, this was so comforting and validating to watch. thank you for this video

[@jpjude68]

wishing you well on your way to an earth-shattering victory

[@cedrickropp]

As a person who had similar experiences as a child but was just able to deal with/get over it, I would like to offer my condolences. Teachers and adults have been falsely trained by my weirdness to insist that it’s just a brain spook.

[@Reubenaut]

For pencils: I found that mechanical pencils are better because the minimal contact with the paper reduces the sound. But there are also erasable pens these days.

[@chibi_bb9642]

(probably) not autistic here, but the erasable pens basically saved my school career. RIP to my mom's wallet tho bc i lost them all the time and they're like a dollar each. now in college i just use regular pens if i can't use my laptop.

[@k4kadu]

These videos are really uplifting. Not only do you give us the right to have feelings, but we also get to see your story of success in the battlefield.

[@irisinthedarkworld]

this is the best explanation of this experience i've ever seen!! i might show it to some people. i hate fluorescent lights and multiple people talking so much

[@ObsessionistVideos]

Thanks for such a clear, effective video on this. I started wearing fingerless gloves for tendonitis but I can concur that reducing the touch sensation is a huge benefit. I work with paper (like, manufacturing and handling lots of different kinds of paper), and avoiding all of the textures is a huge plus. And my hands get less dry!

[@Kikabopom]

my favourite thing neurotypicals do is when they see a child that's in distress and can't figure out why is that they automatically assume that the kid is being manipulative. :)

[@iamtwoawesomes]

surprise tears arrived at the last line! thank you.

[@kittybeans8192]

I love hearing when people make great progress like this in self care, be their needs "special" or otherwise. I don't think I have any sensory overload related issues, but I'll definitely have to keep this video in mind for when I encounter people who do. Thanks for sharing all of this.

[@mizukis_trash_bin3950]

those gosh darn lights. they're loud, they're sensorily abrasive to the eyes, and are just a pain! my sensory "pains" consist of really bright lights, electricity humming, the texture of jeans and velvet, any form / color of noise, too many people talking, loud door slams, yelling, and pencil / eraser scratches thank you for the war section, i will use this in my efforts to combat the sound of the world >:) i have adhd and this video was really comforting to know that i wasn't alone. thank you!

[@YourLocalShadow]

for me smell and taste are so overwhelming most of the time and I have no idea how to even begin working on it since my health insurance got taken away recently. The part at the end made me tear up a little, thank you for being so nice.

[@MeesterTweester]

I can relate to your sensory overstimulation, sometimes loud music or loud talking can make me uncomfortable. I use noise cancelling headphones daily now, and they're a lifesaver for me.

[@Saupocalypse]

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO HELPFUL.????? its absurd i never thought of these ways of desling with sensory overload because they seem so obvious now! Thank you!

[@agata-1337]

im also on the spectrum and i got a prescription from my psychiatrist to use noise canceling earplugs at work (both ear monitors, loops and industrial plugs) it is life saving

[@marisacosmos]

1:45 I commonly have this feeling, to want to hug my past self. I can hug my present self. I deserve as much. Thank you for the video.

[@aricheec7722]

you probably just lengthened my life by years. i had no idea there was something so effective for misophonia

[@teneo9996]

Never have i related so fast, as soon as you mentioned "The Bad Noise" i got memories of me in elementary school almost crying being so upset that I had to use a pencil and paper

[@hungrypizzafox]

When you said wind pushing hair in your face, I instantly thought about how annoying it was and how I feel about it. I’m glad I’m not alone in this. I actually did have full blown melt downs over this, so I’ll definitely take this tip into consideration!

[@MollyWinter]

Thank you so much for talking about this! I had no idea I could get help from an audiologist. I had an appointment with one this morning and ended up walking out with hearing aids! I'm so happy and am excited to see what kind of difference these make in my everyday life. I'm going to look into the special lenses next!

[@a_lilian]

Oh my goodness, this has to be one of the coolest things that's come out of this channel! I can't even begin to describe how much this means to me. I'm so happy for your new hearing aids, and I hope that they end up helping you as much as mine helped me!

[@skinnyjeanis7177]

Holding my hand against a sheet of paper to write actually makes my skin want to flip inside-out. The teeth scratching a chalkboard feeling is spot on actually, that's a really good description... Glad to see I'm not insane or something through this guide, especially with my hair getting blown in my face driving me nuts.

[@JustSamGuyOkay]

I wish I had seen this video twenty years ago, and I could've shown this to other people. I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was twenty-one, and it wasn't until then that I realized that I didn't need to put up with all of the sernsory torments I deal with on a daily basis. Could've been diagnosed way earlier, but my parents, even though they were aware that I wasn't neurotypical, refused to do so and didn't say a thing because they thought it might get me treated badly by others. They very well may have been right, but I did get treated absolutely awfully anyway. I've recently had the thought that, as an autistic person, I live in a world that's passively hostile to me. I was expected to write with a pencil in school, I get pressured to go to parties full of crowds and loud noises, my mother frequently tries to convince me to wear "proper" clothes that are just, as you put it, sensory torment, because it's a "formal event" or whatever, when I'd rather not go in the first place if it's what it takes to not have to wear that. It's absolutely exhausting having to deal with it day in and day out, let alone actually standing up for my needs. And even that is nothing at all compared to the active hostility I've had to endure from my own father. To be clear, he's not an abuser or anything like that that would traditionally get thought of as "hostility", but... He used to love blowing raspberries into my face. That is to say, he would hold his face to my face, and blow a raspberry. This might seem like a small thing, but imagine a dog slobbering all over your cheek, at the same time as someone rubs sandpaper on your face, and then multiply that awful experience by the Autism Factor™. It was not something I kept quiet about. At first, I'd complain after he did it. Then, since I have this wonderful thing called pattern recognition, I'd refuse to get a hug from him unless he promised not to blow raspberries. He would either completely ignore it, or worse, he would promise not to do so, and then do it anyway. It got to the point where I just did not want any physical contact with him under any circumstances, but he just did not care about my very clearly set and reasonable boundaries. And this discomfort with physical contact extended to other people too, when my first girlfriend tried to hug me for the first time, I _fucking flinched._ She actually commented on it. Thankfully, she was absolutely wonderful and it was in large parts thanks to her that I managed to get over my issues and enjoy physical contact again. But only with women. To this day, I can't even hug my own brother, who has done absolutely nothing wrong and who I trust more than almost anyone else in this world, without having to actively suppress my own discomfort and my instinct to just get away to a safe distance. But it doesn't end there, because after I was diagnosed, I resolved to stop quietly putting up with things and stand up for my own needs, and the very first thing that I did after making that resolution was talk to my father and enforce my boundaries with him. I don't remember what I said, something along the lines of "hey, I don't like physical contact, it's very uncomfortable for me, so stop, it's an autism thing". But I do remember _exactly_ what he said in response. He fucking smiled and laughed and said (translated from my native language) "Or maybe you're being selfish?" I don't know if he was serious, or joking, or half-joking in that "haha, I am being funny but also I'm right ;)" way, but I didn't care then and I don't care now. I kept pushing, and I managed to get him to promise to stop, even if it was way more exhausting and infuriating than it had to be. But then guess what? _Guess fucking what?_ Within a week, he had broken that promise, and when I got angry and called him out on it, he told me that I was making it up as an excuse to get out of doing exercise with him. Even though I was already in the process of getting up to do so, I had given zero indication of not wanting to do exercise (on account of me intending on doing exercise) and, of course, y'know, HAVING SPENT TWENTY FUCKING YEARS BRINGING UP THIS PROBLEM! So when I responded with the above rebuke, he told me that he knows me better than I know myself. I don't know how I found it in me to extract from him yet another promise to stop, but when I did, my pattern recognition kicked in once again, because he made that promise with the same smile and laugh he'd made all those other promises with, that _fucking_ smile and laugh that indicates that the promise is worth less than empty air to him and he's going to break it the first chance he gets. So I escalated. My mother got involved, and, thankfully, I had only gotten through one quarter of my explanation before she was solidly on my side. At which point I left, because I had reached heretofore uncharted levels of done with my father's bullshit. I don't know what black magic she used to get my father to actually stop touching me, because I honestly believed, and I still do, that there is no sequence of words in any language that could convince him to stop. Apparently, that's only the case if I'm the one speaking. He's... okay now. Even if I sometimes wish that, when I step away from him, he'd take a fucking hint and stay at least an arm's length and a step away from me, instead of getting closer, and then getting closer again when I step away again, so we end up circling the nearest piece of furniture like a merrry-go-round. But he's just so thoroughly destroyed my trust in him that, when I need to communicate something autism-related to him, I ask my mom to talk to him, because that is what works and I have no interest in going through the whole rigamarole I just described. His other responses to my autism related issues didn't fall to the depths of awfulness of the examples I gave, but they were still... Less than okay. And I have zero interest in closing that gap that's opened up between us and repairing our relationship, because I fully expect him, both consciously and sub-consciously, to actively fuck it up in a way that hurts me just like he did with my issues with physical contact. Anyway, thanks for making this video, Lilian. It came too late to do much more for me than help me feel seen and understood, but I hope it can helpother people in situations like mine.

[@saltedbird5624]

Thank you for sharing your experience, I gave up on trying to get my father to stop touching me because of a similar situation, the asshole will start crying if I tell him anything serious one second and then hit me the next while laughing, but it's very validating to hear somebody else agree that there are people who simply don't deserve trust or forgiveness, so really, thank you.

[@Kulei666]

I know you said that he isn't abusive.. but it sounds very abusive. I'm sorry for you, I had to go through something similar with my abusive father..

[@Purinblood]

this was so gentle and calming and wonderful ;; thank you lilian......... you are amazing and i am so glad you were able to fight the war against your sensory needs!!!

[@Jikkuryuu]

I enjoy the feeling of the wind a lot, but my own hair getting in my eyes or ears instantly becomes the most important thing happening and must be rectified. The tips and empowerment to actually tackle the badness are much appreciated!

[@tech-ki]

The first 10 seconds made me cry. Thank you ❤❤. Thats just the 1st layer of sensory overwhelm. Christ b

[@skree272]

I was recently diagnosed and this explains why i rip every tag out of my shirts and a bunch of things that get me really pissed in a short time

[@cardboardtubeknight]

Like these are not things that struggle with, but I find it really interesting hearing someone talk about these kind of things. I think that it is also probably something that more people than we know have issues with and they just kind of suffer through it or they get tired and irritable easily and no one really gets why or what is going on.

[@chippozechips3295]

This video just helped me so much. I hope I can make these improvements to my own life.

[@greenhydra10]

Yep, I'm saving this for anytime I have to explain why I'm so bad about noise. Touch and sight (super bright lights notwithstanding) aren't much of a problem, and I literally have no sense of smell, but OH BOY does the auditory processing disorder make up for it. Which was really rough in elementary, when the teachers LOVED to play music while we worked, and middle school, where the entire grade was in one class. Heck, I literally have some Loop earbuds on my desk in front of me. Now that I think about it, I bet stuff like this is part of why I'm so isolationistic.

[@zukodark]

I relate to this really bad even if my specific bad stims are different. Utensil sounds can be so bad for me that I hate eating with others, I can't stand body hair so I shave almost every day, clothes are bad so I take most off when I'm at home, ambient machine sounds dig deep into my brain, and seeing stickers makes my skin crawl. And that's on an average day, when I'm hypersensitive it gets so much worse

[@dragonboysam3252]

I can't thank you enough. You managed to put all of the problems I have into an easily understood video that I can send to people. Thank you!

[@KevoJackal]

Awesome video! Glad you found ways to help suppress the irritations from sensory overloads. I've only had a few times were I was so overwhelemed to the point I couldn't bring myself to talk about my discomfort and remained silent, or where it involved me having to quickly walk to an area that was more tolerable as a breather. Smaller irritants are very common throughout daily life however. It's nice to see other people who are also neurodivergent find ways to make their life easier :)

[@bapho-p]

I never knew I needed an anime character speaking with a TTS as a form of self expression and representation to tell me that my difficulties with sensory overload were okay, but now that I've gotten it: I can never let it go...

[@16bitpotato36]

This video made me realize that I'm gradually becoming a shut-in probably not because I'm crazy, but likely as a Pavlovian response to the deep, multilayered pain every time I engage with the outside world.

[@obamabarrack4450]

taking action is a crazy good idea why hadn't i thought of that

[@sirprincethelancer7433]

Very impressive, nothing short of amazing ingenuity and determination.

[@relevantkoshi]

I appearantly have sensory sensitivities from Aspergers and this post brought back a memory of when I was in school; my hands were always wet because I dreaded the sound of the blow dryer. I got scolded a handful of times for this which kinda fked with my self-esteem.. Experiences like this and being percieved as 'weird', 'strange', 'awkward' or a 'freak' really made school a nightmare during the time.

[@josyfstandars1552]

this video was the most relatable thing i have ever watched, and i havent even finished it

[@prog00017]

A sensory self advocacy video from a vtuber using a Raquna Sheldon model is the most hyper specific I've ever been targeted by the algorithms of this site. But damn I'm happy for it. Great video, thanks!

[@jamesruth100]

The minute you said "the bad noise", before you even started describing the bad noise, I somehow instantly knew what noise it was going to be, as if there's some kind of psychic spectrum to spectrum communication, lol. I didn't know hearing aids could help with stuff like that, though, but if it can make an impact then I gotta look into getting me some; huge thanks for the tip.

[@abrittishpanfish6269]

the experience of having a pencil break mid-line and me scratching the wooden end against the paper is one of the most unpleasant sensations ive had that wasnt literally painful

[@accountrandomnumber182]

Girl, you won the game

[@lisettelemontree131]

Something about your videos is so deeply comforting ^^ Thank you

[@IamReallyHank]

It's always a joy to see you upload, Lillian! I'm glad you managed to {mostly} win the war, and improve your situation. You didn't deserve all that being told that it was on *you*, not just how you were. It's good you broke out of that. 💜 I look forward to the stream tomorrow! :D

[@alex_ho]

Your videos are making me consider things in my life and I don't know how to feel about them

[@ducksies]

I also have a math degree, and I relate to a lot of these points! I don't know why but math professors have a tendency to use chalkboards, and sometimes when the chalk is dry it makes me feel very uncomfortable

[@nebulastar3087]

Leaving this comment so hopefully the algorithm shows it to more people. 10/10 funny and informative.

[@maho9139]

great vid! its very interesting to see other peoples' experience in life because personally, i don't know what its like to be overstimulated but after watching this i'm a little more informed on what some people might be goin through. like damn even just existing is uncomfortable because of the senses going overdrive? sounds rough. good thing you are fully geared up like in a video game, +wind resistance +smell resistance +light resistance. i hope you make more vids, way more authentic and original than 90% of yt vids :)

[@Baldeur]

Very original video format. I dig this, keep it up

[@Gingerposh12342]

i know i dont have autism, but i also know im not neurotypical, and i relate to this video alot. i feel so frustrated at really only feelings and sounds but not much else, the feeling of a shirt not fitting quite right makes me want to tear off my skin. its nice to hear someone elses experiences

[@cenpyla]

I shaved my head in high school and I highly recommend if it's something you're comfortable with, even just shorter hair helps. Hair is a sensory nightmare I didn't realize was so bad until I didn't have it anymore.

[@hypovolemia]

Feeling that "instantaneous homicidal rage" every time I hear sounds that are supposed to get your attention, like door bells, ring tones, knocks, alarms... Not only are they annoying, they also come out of nowhere in a way that is physically painful and they require me to stop what I'm doing to make them go away. Don't think there is really much I can do about them either besides screaming inside my head