Sexpectations Part 1 | Dave and Ashley Willis

On this episode of The Naked Marriage podcast, Dave and Ashley Willis talk about the expectations couples bring into their marriage when it comes to sex. Whether you are about to get married, newlyweds, have been married for years, or are remarried, we all have preconceived notions as to what sex “should” be like, and sometimes it’s not always quite what you expected.
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A podcast dedicated to undressing the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. The concerns and questions most couples have in marriage often go unspoken, until now. Hosts Dave and Ashley Willis bring wisdom, vulnerability, and humor to even the toughest marriage topics. Together they have built a strong following, reaching millions of married couples through their blogs, books, and videos. They have four young sons and live near Dallas, TX.

[@ambargarcia4754]

This is amazing! Thanks guys! I remember as a newlywed I struggled with this and I would lock myself and give in to my thoughts thinking that I wasn't good enough or satisfying my husband enough through sex. But one thing I recall is that after sex I would always speak with my Husband about things I didn't like or things that I felt I wasn't good at and he was always willing to speak about it and we would little by little work on it together to the point that our sex life now is AMAZING! All thanks to God!

[@kennethfok]

@Ambar Garcia Amen. It’s always good when we Christians are able to enjoy the beautiful gift of sex in our marriage. When we get married, it signifies our agreement to surrender ourselves fully to our spouse. And that would also mean offering your sexual organ to your spouse for the purpose of enjoying intimacy and for procreation. God is pleased with us when we can enjoy sex with our spouse because that is what God created man and woman to be in a marriage.

[@michelebrandon4448]

I am a women in her late 40s and I have been going through menopause for a while now. I am recently married for almost 5 years now. But I would love for you guys to talk about us women who experience no sex drive due to menopause no desire and many other things that come with this. Thank you so much.

[@kpizzyrizla3066]

Michele Brandon Ann’s wild yam cream.

[@joncannon8973]

Watch dr mindy pelzs on KZbin

[@mariannewilcox7434]

Look up the biote medical.. I had a hysterectomy at 35... This has completely changed my life.

[@MarriageWTF]

Great topic! We started talking about this on our channel too. So important for connection and often forgotten how important for extremely exhausted married couples! Love this is getting talked about!!✌🏼❤️☕️🙏🏼

[@Dubblesteel]

Thank God that ur addressing sex from a Godly perspective. It's clean and God honoring.

[@davidwaggoner5901]

Interesting conversation. We were not allowed to talk about this topic until after we got married. If anyone in our church would have found out one of us would have been shipped to a different state and the elders would have dissolved the engagement with strict orders to never even talk to each other again EVER. So after a difficult honeymoon i found out there were really severe abuse issues and teaching issues in her early life. By age 8 her mom had her convinced that sex was the tool of the devil and then the abuse started which totally sealed it for her. She came to the marriage wanting love, companionship and children; and figured she could hold her breath, grin and bear it a few times to get pregnant. Believe me, the LAST thing a spouse wants to hear from their beloved is “I love you but wish sex would just go away;” or “I went 10 years before we got married with absolutely nothing and I can go another 10 starting right now.” She expected me to be as shut down with no desire or drive as she was. 42 years later it is almost non existent.

[@tedmalley7636]

Why did you let your "Church Elders" run your life...Do they own/control you ? Man , grow a pair and tell them that your private life is none of their concern..and if your wife won't give you the love you need...dump her..

[@JussiTuukkanen]

thank you for sharing, and yes it is like learning to dance in general in life ~ you only get better as a couple. Thank you for pushing the progress of sacred love in universe. You are a beautiful couple and thanks for helping us keep it up, LOL ("literally") And i think only by growing through experiences like these can we truly help others and move up together as a collective, supporting one another as the spiritual beautiful joyfull beings that God ( always ) intends us to be. Living our lives according to the highest ( of vibes and in ) principles. You are probably having the best show on relationships available anywhere ~ helping many.

[@gerushareddy3163]

Wow🙋🏻‍♀️u guys r real good.u touch my heart.💖especially last part!!!

[@monicavegagallery1876]

Great!!! Juicy topic needs 🔥🔥🔥🔥💥🙏💋 to be talked about!!!!

[@kevinelliotcooper]

Thank You for sharing on your experience with your marriage and sex life!!!

[@kimberleykirk8692]

I can identify with both Ash & David. I came from sexual abuse as a 9 -12 year old, 3 mental & verbal abusive marriages, plus the self pleasure side as David in the past. I am going into my 4th GODLY marriage & he is big time head of the house with God first as I prayed for.

[@zekttalp708]

You guys are the best thankyou from the bottom of my copenhagen can

[@WiserThanEinstein]

great!!!! God bless you.

[@DragoonMS]

Well, now. Sex wasn't really talked about much in my family. And I hadn't even learned about the biblical aspects until I was in my teens. Except at that point, I was already pretty sexually active...it was with only one girl at that point, however, and we were both really young when we started a sexual relationship. But, we were having sex VERY frequently. So for me, I thought that sexual intimacy and passion and all that was pretty normal stuff. But maaan, did the dating years in my adulthood drop a bomb on me!! I wasn't aware of some being more attuned to that than others!! I found out the hard way that folks tend to switch up on you over time. Even the woman I eventually married has not only a much lower sex drive than I do, she's now not nearly as big on displays of affection or kissing as she used to be.

[@tedmalley7636]

If she's not satisfiing you and shows little to no affection....get rid of her..

[@TT-ud5gf]

Your wife can take medicine to increase sex drive. Ask your doctor!

[@Lily-dn4zx]

Listening to the Q&A at the end about premature ejaculation: sometimes it just boils down to men being selfish! Not sure if all women feel the same but they don’t want later they want it now while your already engaged in the act of intimacy. My husband says he gets so arroused or he says we don’t do it enough. Well first if a husband isn’t being what God says a husband is supposed to be; the wife will never be in the mood and get satisfied because she is thinking about well he isn’t really focused on laying his life down for me, he isn’t providing and when he does it seems to be bare minimum because he doesn’t really want to work any way. Then there is the lack of spiritual provision in the home where he tells you your in the home you can lead bible study and discipline the kids. That’s all what God told the husband to do: provide financially, spiritually in the home lead (servant leader) not over bearing domineering. When I say that he always says I’m sexist and feminist. I want what is in Ephesians. Don’t add to or take away from scripture. Cleave to your wife as it says in Genesis; not to his mom or his sisters or his other family or his friends. Paul said it’s best to remain single if your widowed but if you can’t control yourself then remarry. I’m still married but I agree with Paul it’s best to remain single. Especially after what I have been through and I have seen and heard of soooo many other men that are exactly the same way. They want a wife for sex first and for most then to cook and clean and pick up their disgusting grimy clothes off the floor like their a child and haven’t been taught to pick up behind theirselves. That’s is not why God created a wife. Women are helpers, not the doers, companions not slaves. So when men change and are righteous and treat their wife like he said to do in Ephesians sex life won’t change. You can talk all day until your blue in the face. He has to have a heart change. Oh and when a man has been on porn and acts like it’s no big deal or a nude scene of a woman in a movie is not bad and no big deal it is. Jesus said if you look and lust it is adultery. Guess what nudity in movies is adultery. Porn is adultery and Jimmy Evans said himself in his book marriage on the rock that men can recall those images easy. So sorry f a man has been on porn off and on for 21 years and when he got caught again he said he prayed and God took that desire from him that he can’t all of a sudden not recall those images. That’s a lie he can and maybe him thinking about that is what gets him excited and he ejaculates prematurely. If someone is on porn that long off and on I don’t believe that God all of a sudden took that desire from him; he said that before that God took it and he went back again and again. It goes away by prayer, counseling, and surrounding himself with true Christian men and cutting those who aren’t out of his life as well as removing temptation and keeping in the word and thoughts on Christ. This is more than a topic to just say your opinions on. It MUST be scripture based and backed. It’s spiritual. God directs the steps of a “righteous man”. If he isn’t focused on wanting to be righteous then you can hang it up. He will be selfish in all things and make no mistake sex will be at the top of his selfish agenda get his and say well we can do it later because I feel bad you didn’t get satisfied. I don’t want later I wanted now. Every woman is worth being satisfied the first time around. God says women are precious.

[@mikem6176]

With all of that in your head, all the time, setting sky-high standards and making impossible demands that no man can fully meet, and then conditioning your fickle consent for physical intimacy on whether he’s good enough, righteous enough, and pure enough, there’s little mystery why he turns to porn. You expect perfection from a fallen creature, and hold up a biblical yardstick that he has to meet before you think sex with your husband is worth your while.

[@bygraceonly182]

Mike M Please allow me to translate. All she said is that she wants her husband to lead Biblically and not check out and act like her needs are just secondary. Women want to engage emotionally and physically and spiritually so she is just pointing out that it’s wrong for a husband to get in and out and not satisfy any of those three of her needs and only satisfy himself at her expense. 1. Lead spiritually in the home 2. Engage emotionally without sexual strings attached 3. Satisfy her physically (hint hint use foreplay first so both can reach the same point at roughly the same time). Not rocket science.

[@user-yj7ge6cy5x]

There are tons of sermons and videos hammering men on all these points and not much on reminding women on what what they are ALSO called to do. We definitely have some jacked up things happening with men in our culture right now BUT we also have a whole lot of self righteous women that are not helping anything too. Men get trashed for not being good enough no matter what. Who tells the women they need to fix themselves instead of their husbands. As a husband I’m expected to fix my problems myself which is fine by me but I hate it when my wife fixates on my problems and never cares to address hers. Seems like it’s only important for women to be treated like they are valued even though there are plenty of verses pointing that both are important and equal

[@1.40am]

First

[@Lily-dn4zx]

Why do you have to apologize to your husband for being angry. You can be angry about something and not sin. Look at Jesus who got angry and turned over the money changers tables. He never apologize to them. I don’t ready that. Apologizing for being angry only minimizes the others persons wrong. But yes at some point the issue needs to be resolved and not fester into something else.

[@gordonbecker1456]

Size matters