Hello, I am an atheist, I am not religious, and I dare say I have only my own religion. But your story is very moral and comes naturally to my ears. I live a conflicted life with great despair and craving. I don't like being part of a herd or something. Hell does not exist after we die, it exists in only this world while we are still alive. I believe that once I have fulfilled my purpose to some extent, I can leave this world. But, even so, I'm still a greedy fool who wants to when I going to die quickly without any pain :)