Shattering the Silence: Sexual Shame & the Hidden Struggle of Modern Men - 145 MPP w/ David Tian

[@gurshaansingh5525]

Hi David. I pondered over the presence episode a little more. After going through it a few more times again, in retrospect it seems like being present in context of relationships more accurately means being best friends with your partner. Its like he/she is your favourite person in the world. All the things that encompass presence in a long term relationship it appears is just being best friends. Listening to each other, understanding each other, having fun and deep conversations and other activites of deep emotional attunement in retrospect just seems to be a best friendship. In the episode you said that complete emotional attunement, which is almost empathic is deep presence and it generates more deep connection and attraction than any bullshit pickup line. The reason for that is that you understand the other person so well and the emotional connection is very strong almost as if you are touching each other's soul. But then I thought that maybe its just the active listening part that generates attraction and it has nothing to do with the man's personality and she's just attracted because he's listening. But in the episode you defined presence in relationships or dating as emotional attunement, that presence in relationships encompasses mutual emotional attunement and understanding of both parties and showing up and opening up. In my opinion that is a man and a woman who are best friends. And I think this only turns off women when they sense that the guy has an ulterior motive or is being inauthentic and needy. For more reference I treid to read about The Gottman's lovemaps concept. John Gottman said that couples who are best friends in a marriage have great sex lives. I also listened to a talk by Jordan Peterson where he said that sex cannot be exctracted from emotional intimacy (at first I thought it was just Peterson being Peterson, but it turns out that having sex/orgasm releases a shit ton of oxytocin which makes you bond to the person). Sorry to keep harping on this but the red pill trauma is really acting in the past few months and I have an anxious attachmet with a shit ton of deep insecurities. Can you please tell me if my understanding of presence is correct?

[@DavidTian]

I think what you’ve been trying to do via comments on multiple episodes that have little to do with your comment (lol) is to make sense of how and why a man’s presence would be sexually attractive to a woman. I can go into more depth on this for you in a future episode!

[@gurshaansingh5525]

@@DavidTian Yes exactly😂 I just can't wrap my head around it😂😂 I understood a little after reading about lovemaps concept but I thought It'll be better if i ask you because you breakdown psychological concepts for the average people like us on KZbin😂😂 Thanks for answering

[@melkerner]

Hard to reclaim something your Wife has withdrawn and refuses to engage in - had she done this when we were dating, I would never have pursued marriage. We had more se in 1 month before marriage than we have had in 22 years of marriage. She refuses to acknowledge the damage it has wrought on our relationship.

[@DavidTian]

You might not be ready to hear my opinion of what you’ve shared here, but just in case you are: Marriage (and sex) is a two-way street. A wife isn’t a sex worker whose duty is to service her husband. If you want to rekindle the sexual passion in your marriage, you’ve got at least half the responsibility to turn her on. And yes, it may be nearly impossible to do that after 22 years of accumulated baggage. I’ve made a lot of content on how to do that, including this recent episode: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oIrXfWd3mq2dhaMsi=YfRKW9QsFvPVUDsX Even then, I can go into more depth on this in a future episode. So thanks for the comment!

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

please do episodes on the concepts of “unpaid emotional labor” and “weaponized incompetence”. I see them discussed all the time now but I don’t really understand what it means practically.

[@DavidTian]

Hmm. Where did you hear these terms? In what contexts?

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

@@DavidTian usually from women on relationship forums, videos, articles etc. I’ve also heard some people mention it in real life

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

@@DavidTian They're BS terms meant to control men's behaviors. Please women, don't do any 'emotional labor' on my behalf. I don't need your 'emotional labor'.

[@DavidTian]

Hey guys, unfortunately, I don't have any personal experience with women who use these terms unironically. Maybe befriend women who are more emotionally mature?...

[@jwini8780]

Oi oi, hello Mr Tian