She Gets None Of Your Money

[@lorijharman-runyan6433]

We live in the same area as the caller. Our daughters did the Running Start Program, they attended community college, for almost free, during their last two years on high school. They graduated high school with an AA degree. Then they both transferred local colleges. One lived at home & one got an apartment. We did not pay for the apartment, she worked, got a roommate & paid for it herself. Both graduated early with almost no debt. Both have good jobs. We have great schools in the Seattle/Tacoma area. There is no reason to spend more money than you have to for a quality education. When kids want to use the parents money, the parents get to make the rules. If the kids want something different, they can become adults & use their own money.

[@daffydlwellen1270]

Our sons did "Middle College" where they finished highschool in the mornings and took college classes in the afternoon. Both entered Four year universities with most of their GE requirements completed at no cost to us.

[@andrewheffel3565]

You did great with your kids, and they did great and listened to you. They have a terrific start in life because you set them in a good direction.

[@jennys2543]

That is great for your kids - sounds like you really did a fantastic job raising them. However, I respectfully disagree there is no reason to spend more money than you have to for a quality education. In my opinion, there is a massive benefit to a young adult's social development in moving out of the house and experiencing life in a different part of the country/state to broaden horizons. Living at home during college absolutely would have hindered my daughter's social growth. Furthermore, she spent her entire life in small private schools for various reasons so I really did not think she would thrive most in large public university setting. I floated the cost for her apartment in college because I wanted her to focus on her studies, socialization & unpaid research internships. She is happy & successfully financially independent now. There are a number of reasons a parent or child can spend a reasonable amount more on college than necessary.

[@andrewheffel3565]

@@jennys2543 I think you did great with your daughter’s education. It might have been a stretch for you financially, but I assume it was not ruinous. My wife and I put our two sons through out of state private universities, and it worked out very well for them. It was a struggle for us, it took my wife’s entire salary for about 5 years, but well worth it. What is not worth it is taking on ruinous debt the parents or student cannot recover from. A $150K student debt for a liberal arts degree they can never repay. It has to be doable.

[@maggie2u135]

We live in shoreline wa. Our granddaughter did the same thing as your daughters. the day after she got her high school diploma, she got her AA from Edmonds Community college. She started Western Washington University that Fall as a Junior.And as an added bonus, she was the only grandchild for her other grandparents and they started putting money into that tuition fund the State has when she was very young so most of her tuition was already paid for.

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

How lucky are these girls. When I was growing up, my hardworking parents who worked 2-3 jobs each, sat me down and said “honey we can’t afford to pay for college so you need to get good grades so you can get a scholarship”. At that time, I was angry because thought my parents were trying to hurt me. Instead, I worked by butt off and got not 1 but 2 scholarships where I had my bachelors degree completely paid for and money left over. I’m super grateful for that experience, in a way, it forced me to grow up. I went on 2 years after getting my bachelors to getting my MBA paying for it on my own. I’m so proud of the woman I’m becoming.

[@Jaycv-dq3rg]

Sure you sound like a liberal

[@gsrat1]

@@Jaycv-dq3rgwhat’s a liberal?

[@soonermagic24]

@@Jaycv-dq3rga liberal would go 100k in debt, and expect others to cover their cost through government force. If she’s a liberal, I can applaud her approach on this one. But that’s the only thing we would agree on.. lol

[@costco_pizza]

@@soonermagic24 Not exactly an easy thing to do to avoid such debt. A lot of people are struggling out there. We are suffering and don't know where our next meal is coming from. Student loan relief and a proper UBI would go a long way in helping us all out. We could pay our bills and put food on the table. Why don't Dr. John and Dave want that for us?

[@joesmith3590]

@@costco_pizzano dad for sure.

[@lyndahempt1405]

If you give in then the other kids will resent it. As a widowed mom I had to make some hard decisions with my youngest. I didn’t pay for his older siblings’ phones, car, etc so I kept the same rules. He had his needs met but not wants. He got a job at 16 and paid for his own car & phone. He is completely financially responsible.

[@nanaof07]

We gave our daughter each a college education in state. If they wanted to go elsewhere they could pay the difference first daughter went in state about 4 hours away . 2 nd daughter wanted to go out of state ( boyfriend). But changed her mind when she didn’t want to pay difference. 3 rd daughter had baby upon graduation but still went to a local community college and became RN at 21 . 4 th went to same local community college. Free ride due to class standings. Then went to local university and got her masters in speech pathology. They all did something a little different. But we decided our bottom line is we would only pay the amount of in state tuition . Worked well for us 😊

[@kbanghart]

I hope it worked well for your kids too, meaning that I hope you weren't too controlling about it.

[@nanaof07]

@@kbanghart I sure did. They got to decide on everything. We just decided how much we were willing to pay. Cheers!

[@karlmanning2603]

Just curious, did the 2nd daughter stay with the boyfriend? 🤔

[@nanaof07]

@@karlmanning2603 yes. For a long time.

[@joen.9337]

The parent should have said, I will pay for your tuition and provide you room and board at home. If you choose to live on campus or anywhere other than home, YOU will have to find a way to fund that part while the parent still funds the tuition part. Otherwise, if they withdraw all help because the adult child moves out, they are really trying to prevent the child from moving out entirely, and that is their main goal.

[@wreckers_band8825]

That is what we did. We afgreed we will pay for their tuition. Once my daughter saw how much it was to live on campus she decided to live rent free at home. My 2nd child followed her steps and also lives at home. We have 5 large universities within a 18 miles radious so it pays off to live on a large metro area.

[@goodgirlsguide]

Mum is financially control them to the point of abuse

[@nickbargas7352]

I did the same with my daughter. I also sweetened the pot by adding I will also pay your car insurance, maintenance and gas. She wanted to live at home with us anyways including her 2 dogs.

[@justusbryce3392]

There’s nothing wrong with their goal being to keep her at home through college.

[@RA-dn2ic]

It’s the parent’s money so they set the rules on where the money goes.

[@jennifertackett2241]

My mother wanted me to do the same thing...live at home rent-free and go to a local community College for the first 2 years. Only problem is that she wasn't offering to pay the tuition. That was still on me, so I chose to go my own way to the college of my choosing. So glad I did.

[@shb8212]

How was that a problem? She offered you free place to stay.

[@jennifertackett2241]

@@shb8212 It was more of a control issue with her.

[@hr3178]

This is your choice and it is fine. But I assume you were not complaining about it.

[@jennifertackett2241]

@hr3178 I didn't take her up on the offer, as there were strings attached.

[@hr3178]

@@jennifertackett2241 Most things in life have strings attached. Good thing is that as an adult you can choose, and you did. What I wanted to say is: You can make your own choices and turn down offers if you don't agree with the conditions. But it is totally fine if someone attaches strings to their offers. I personally probably wouldn't attach the same strings. I might say: Here is the annual budget. If you need more, you have to cover the difference. But everyone can make their rules. As an adult you are in the good position not having to accept them anymore, like when you were a kid.

[@drewdelaney4166]

My mother cried her eyes out when I told her I’m leaving for the Navy in 6 months. We were all living in my step fathers house and he was over the moon when I told him I’m leaving. He says good. Finally someone get you moving. If my mom had her own life and her own voice I probably would have never joined the military because it would have been so comfortable staying at home doing as a please

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

This is what Asians, and even Asians in the US, don't get. Why is staying at home equivalent doing as you please? We were given chores by our parents and we helped pay the bills when we started working but still lived with them. And for those other Asian children who don't need to do chores because Asian mom will do the chores with or without a maid, they are expected to do well in school and get good jobs later. Of course, our culture is also about taking care of the family so parents take care of their children and give them the support needed to be successful in life and in return children help take care of their parents in their old age, even though the parents have money of their own in their old age (like with my own parents, thank God). That being said, I also know this mindset and cultural traits are not perfect. It is what it is.

[@accenttunebyellie]

Your mother is right. She didn't give birth to you to see you die a young man occupying someone else's land/waters for the benefit of the big guys running your country.

[@USMC6976]

My mom took me to the Marine recruiter the day I was graduating.

[@drewdelaney4166]

@@USMC6976 differing types of mothers out there lol. My best friend in high school joined the marines and his mother threatened to call the police on the recruiter if he stepped foot in her property. Lol she was a bit much.

[@axt2]

@@whatevergoesforme5129 Considering how well many asian immigrants do in the USA I would hardly fault you for pointing out the obvious strengths of your cultural background

[@LauraLParr]

I feel like both the daughter and mom need this experience. Mom is projecting her fears and daughter needs a reality dose and opportunity to make mistakes

[@blackwolf_1_164]

This mom is completely right. She said here's the conditions for our help to all her kids. The kids can take it or leave it. To give a different deal to each kid is unfair and breeds resentment.

[@reginaldbrooks2981]

Love should have no conditions. When do the conditions stop? What if her Mom says wear my wedding dress or else I’m not paying for the wedding? Flawed logic.

[@KnowledgeIsComfort]

@@reginaldbrooks2981She’s referring to being consistent with the rules across all children, I have no idea what you’re referring to in regards to the conversation

[@reginaldbrooks2981]

@@KnowledgeIsComfort Rules? These aren’t rules. The children are all different with different aspirations. Why would you try to apply the same set of rules (ultimatums) to each of them? Do it my way or else I’m not paying is ridiculous. You can’t buy a particular outcome for your children. That’s what appears to be the goal here.

[@KnowledgeIsComfort]

@@reginaldbrooks2981 I suppose they’re free to go wherever they choose; however, if they stay at home the rent is non-existent since the house is being paid for by the parents. Of course they can go anywhere else but those places will charge rent. It’s the child’s choice. She’s not buying an outcome, she’s giving a choice

[@canecorsomom2023]

​@@reginaldbrooks2981there are absolutely rules and conditions about how you help adukt children. I'm not signing off on bad decisions or digging you out of the hole you dug yourself. My help is also limited because my resources aren't endless

[@joannegibson-lucas3791]

My daughter went to college on scholarships and I cash flowed the rest. Every bit of the income I earned went to pay for her college. I am extremely grateful to do this for her. She is now earning a good income, no loans, and driving a paid for, nice vehicle her grandparents had. I encourage her to invest her money and save because she is fortunate.

[@greg_216]

My parents sat me down and ran over the college budget: we'll fund this much per year. The choice of university and potential debt load was entirely up to me. And having grown up with parents who weren't controlling, I was happy to seek out their opinions on a lot of stuff that went into choosing a university. Sort of the opposite of this situation.

[@Joenzinator]

Sounds like you had great parents. This is what raising an adult looks like.

[@7sedumct]

This is what we did with our kids. We funded a fixed amount of their bachelor's degrees, and the balance was up to them to fund. All five chose different schools based largely on scholarship packages offered. It has worked out very well and they all had skin in the game without taking on overwhelming debt.

[@jaquandrejones]

​@@Joenzinator​that's what raising as adult looks lik IF you have "we'll help you with college" type bread

[@kovu159]

Their money, their rules.

[@kovu159]

Being an adult means you control your own money. Of the parents are only going to pay for college if the kids stay at home, then the kids can make up their own mind.

[@MattyLiam333]

Teaching parents how to be better parents. I needed this. I have a 20-year-old in college right now.

[@brandonevans2588]

Bravo to this lady! I have 6 girls (7, 8, 9, 11,12, 18). 529 plans setup early w/ small regular contributions. My oldest just started college. She knew how much money she had and understood this was the best we could do. She made the decision to stay in state for the smart financial reason that her money would go farther. I think this is a priceless lesson and I am glad she understood. This lady is doing the right thing and needs to understand that everyone learns the lessons differently. My parents had no money for my education. I learned that loans suck and education is expensive. This lady learned that debt sucks and was trying to teach her kids that lesson. Some people learn the hard way. She did her best.

[@matthewdorso4302]

Oh my goodness I hope you don’t make the same mistake this woman is making. Allow your kids to go to the school of their choice with an option to live at home, pay the same tuition for each kid, and let them decide. What is really going on here is the mother wants the daughter to stay at home. Why else would it matter if her daughter can just pay for her own room and board? It’s a control issue, and I don’t blame the daughter for leaving. I would do the same thing. This is sad!

[@CrypticCobra]

What happened 12 years ago where you decided you wanted to be a full time baby factory? lol.

[@user-kp6we9qw7i]

I wish we could’ve heard John’s perspective more during this call. I love his input and knowledge.

[@d_all_in]

He's corny and annoying. He thinks everything is some cringey emotional trauma 😂

[@Ka_Gg]

​@@d_all_in"is she safe"? Lol. Yeah we don't need John's soft take on this. This is a pretty straightforward hold your boundaries type thing.

[@hanney3194]

Proud of you Dr. John for sticking up for yourself at the end

[@whyme7996]

Dr John is weak

[@lindamanning4193]

You have to keep with your payment agreements. I told daughter I would pay for college ( divorced and dad gave nothing. I worked 6 days a week. She ended up with a 50 dollar loan a month after graduation. My rule was if I paid for college then upon her getting married it would be up to them to pay. I did pay for her dress. After 10 years a divorce. I am glad I stuck with my decision.

[@Petra-ms3ku]

Wow. I was the oldest. I was the de facto parent for the younger siblings. Of course my parents were paying for school ONLY if I stayed home. They also claimed me on their taxes after I moved out so I couldn’t get aid. It was WORTH IT. We’re not hearing the whole story.

[@yit555]

Not a hard concept, follow your parents rules, and they will provide college funds. They never forced you to stay there, you could always opt out. This is a great parenting strategy: rewarding good decisions, while choosing not to participate in the bad ones.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

That happened to me too! Oldest, Taxas claimed.... Bare bones help, thou... I was serious

[@kbanghart]

​@@yit555It's interesting, me and my wife have money for our kids but we're not requiring them to stay home.

[@fedguy9182]

@@backtree0075The daughter can go wherever she wants but she can pay for it. Daughter has a choice and parents have no obligation to pay for higher education-mine didn’t and I managed to get a bachelor degree from a State school. Just took a few extra years as I worked to pay for it. College is becoming a scam pumping out useless degrees at extortion level cost

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Oh yikes. That happened to Me too

[@insideoutsideupsidedown2218]

That “required to live on campus” and “required to be on the meal plan” is all an extra money grab for the universities.

[@smellybonk]

Yeah and both options are insanely more expensive than living even in your own apartment and cooking for yourself

[@kennethroyer9949]

100% spot on...Universities and Colleges have morphed into nothing less than money grabbing machines. Plus they have dumb down admissions standards to cycle through as many kids as possible attempting to suck up maximum student loan dollars. If this is left unchecked Universities will soon be no different than big pharma! Big pharma?? Big pharma today is ORGANIZED CRIME and soon will many colleges and universities!

[@robirvine6970]

Nope. First years that have these requirements pass at a VASTLY higher rate than those that don't.

[@b.bernal6151]

Financially the mother is doing the right thing. She has to let her daughter fall on her face and learn her lesson. I have a feeling she’ll return home within six months. She sounds like a mom that really cares and probably spoils these girls.

[@gribble2979]

My husband and I worked our way through college, our children and their spouses did the same, and now our grandchildren are working their way through college. No loans or debt upon graduation. We told our children the only thing we could contribute to their education was to let them live at home and not charge rent while they were actively going to school. We told them we were focusing on preparing for our retirement so we would never be a burden to them. All our children and grandchildren are financially successful and very responsible, plus they will never have to support us as we age.

[@Jkaye13]

This is exactly what we did.. l put myself through college on loans/ grants and I told my five kids they could do the same.. l only had one daughter that ended up going to college to be a nurse. My other four children are doing just fine without having gone to college.. they chose not to take out huge loans and have made their own way; one is traveling the world with her job as a nanny, and has even been interviewed /met a celebrity that she looked into working for. She has seen and been more places than most people will ever see in a lifetime. One daughter has her own cleaning business and manages very well, not having to work a five day week. I heard college enrollment is dropping, and it seems that many are choosing not to rack up $100,000+ for a career and find out they can't get a job later..

[@M22Research]

Too late for this family because one daughter is already in college, but for others considering a similar path - if finances are the issue, consider committing to fund tuition only. That way your kids can choose to live at home and save room & board…. or they can can choose attend farther away and fund room & board themselves. BTW, parents getting too authoritarian in choosing what schools their kids attend can be a huge mistake. Part of growing up and becoming independent is selecting the school that is the best match for yourself. A kid at a school that is a bad match will likely backfire. Parents of four kids and while we offered our opinions on various schools, not once did we say you have to go to this school or we’re not helping to pay.

[@robertbowman9108]

My god. Colleges have done such a good job selling themselves as more than what they are. You can buy a degree anywhere, why intentionally spend more than you have to

[@TheChocoboWhisperer]

​@@robertbowman9108This idea that all colleges give the same degree is a cope from people who couldn't get into the top colleges. You're missing out on networking and the brand name that gets you noticed in a pile of applicants.

[@M22Research]

@@robertbowman9108 while the US higher education system is clearly broken and even corrupt, both educationally and financially, the fact remains, for the time being, a college degree is typically required, and at least for the first few high potential jobs, which school can matter. But it does appear tech companies, particularly are becoming less finicky about college degrees.

[@aolvaar8792]

@@robertbowman9108 I graduated from a #1 University, the Highest Median Starting Salary from a public institution in the USA. $1000/yr tuition in the late 70's An alumni offered to pay for my education (tradition), I wrote him a Thank You letter at 16 yrs old. You can buy a degree anywhere. ?????? Maybe a degree, but not that degree.

[@TheSonyExperience]

Yeah… that rational is why student loans are crushing Americans. They don’t understand anything other than what they have been sold. If my child wants my money they will follow my rules or they can fund it themselves. Period

[@LoveOnTheEdge1705]

Oh my! Mom is struggling. My husband and I both paid for college ourselves. It was hard and expensive but we did it. It is a blessing when you have the aid.

[@ExposeFlyersDotCom]

Mothers are the biggest enablers.

[@jenniferboyd6556]

Mom’s actual goal here is to keep them at home. She could pay tuition only, no room and board, to any schools they want to attend. It would cost the same as tuition and living at home. Clearly her motivation is to keep them with her.

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

No issue for us Asians. Most of us know what goes on in dorms so for us, it is better to keep the children at home even though parents can't really know everything but at least the children are seen almost all the time and it is easier to know what is going on with them.

[@gabolujan3109]

The mom is protecting the girls from the sex that happens and being indoctrinated with lgtbq stuff

[@Joenzinator]

@@whatevergoesforme5129 I lived in the dorms for 2 years. Nothing bad went on, just a lot of studying and video games. The dorms are a perfect stepping stone for someone to move out on their own. There are rules, so late night parties and alcohol are moderated.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

You are confused. The mom doesn't want to pay for board because they live close to colleges.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

​@Joenzinator living in a dorm is a giant daycare. No skills learned from that. If you want living skills, get an apartment, a job and pay for it while going to school because life is hectic and itll teach you how balance your priorities

[@radioheadfanlove]

What a beautiful dad Dave is!!!! I respect the heck out of this man. Thank you Dave for sharing some of that "papa Dave" tough love with all of us! :) ❤

[@trinamcgarvey-vw7ke]

Now that mother made this line, she must stand firm or it is not fair to her other children. And they would hold that against her and their sister forever.

[@sharonbohannon1219]

I moved out of home 3 months after high school graduation. My Dad always said he’s never paying for our college. He thought college was worthless. (This was 1963.) So I got a job and an apartment and never looked back. I realize it’s a different world today. But I gained independence and that, I think, is what is important. Live and learn.

[@captpepin]

Based on the conversation and what she did with other kids, parents should contribute to the State College the same amount that local state school cost. No more, no less.

[@jhonilocran6077]

Lady, let your kids grow up..I refuse to believe she just doesn’t want to pay for room and board.

[@eurekahope5310]

They can grow up at their own expense, not hers. THAT is growing up.

[@Petra-ms3ku]

I’m hearing this too. This is a woman’s desperate for control.

[@Joyjoyjoy4]

She wants to control her

[@llan_mi2420]

That, and she really wants to be able to get the ego trip for paying for her kid's education. This is the problem I see with a lot of parents who fund any major expense for their kids, be it a wedding, housing, education, etc. Many, many parents really just want the ability to have collateral over their adult children's lives and have an excuse to be inappropriately involved in their lives because "I did this for you" and/or they want the status and ego-tripping rights from other adults in their lives for doing something so "beneficent" or "self-sacrificial" for their "kids" aka their ego-trip cows. I know there are a lot of parents out there who do have good motives, but I think there are just as many, if not more, who feel they deserve a gold medal and permanent servitude from their kids for doing something like this.

[@anknjv9211]

@@eurekahope5310not really though, while i get it, the situation seems so be less about the money and more about establishing control. Which is counterproductive when engaging with the experience of university where the entire point is to learn self sufficiency in terms of professional development and personal development.

[@jaelcollins4006]

One of the best things my dad did for me was being honest and telling me he couldn’t afford to pay for my college. I was able to figure out how to take my Gen Ed’s debt free and then ended up working a job that I loved and didn’t need a degree and now I’m a SAHM and love it. I’m so glad I’m able to do this and I don’t have any student loans hovering over .

[@nh67796]

I agree with what John said about living on campus, it's a big part of the college experience and some of the best memories I had during my freshman year. I opted to live off campus after my sophomore year, would have gladly lived at home, but I think it's important to experience campus life at least for the freshman year.

[@TonyCox1351]

“College experience” is irrelevant. Humans thrived for thousands of years without the college experience. Anyone who takes out $10,000s in loans so they can party with their friends is ridiculous

[@nh67796]

I disagree, but your college experience might have been different. I don't recall anyone, including John mention partying with friends as why we believe staying on campus is important. You might want to go back and re-watch the video on why he thought it was important. I guess you can always assume the worst of people and believe it's just to party on campus with friends. @@TonyCox1351

[@pkmcnett5649]

My parents paid half of college. My first two years of community college were on scholarships. My parents only had to pay for my books and transportation. (And me living at home) Once I transferred, I got a student loan, my parents still paid for half. They provided transportation for awhile even after I was married. I paid off the student loan myself.

[@briankowald6465]

She could say “I’ll pay tuition only”

[@angelaresener4235]

That's what we did. One has a student loan debt and no degree. One is halfway done with no debt planning to live here until he's done.

[@JellieJoShmo]

It’s her money and her mouth. She said what she said.

[@lgrrf]

​@@JellieJoShmo and her arrogance can cost her losing her child.

[@JellieJoShmo]

@@lgrrf And what does that say about the child who doesn’t talk to their mom because she didn’t pay their college tuition? When they had an option to have it paid for? Not such a big loss if their child is that entitled

[@JellieJoShmo]

@@lgrrf do you extort your parents like that if you don’t get your way?

[@user-mv9tt4st9k]

This child is playing mom, and it is working. "I will pay for her groceries," "It pains me..." "She is taking loans." Great advice about dad; dad needs to have a heart to heart and lovingly repeat the rules and let her know that the rule will stand and why. This daughter may be the entitled outlier and kids like that tend to cause resentment with siblings that can spread to the rest of the family.

[@kristic4472]

this has obviously been the conditions set for awhile now, dad needs to Stand Up and Support his Wife and stop undermining her.

[@PositiveVibesVids]

My parents gave me the option to go to any school I want.. or take the scholarship I got in state.. so I sacrificed my college life to save my family money while they used my college savings to fund my brother's tuition. When I graduated they bought me a house as a gift- granted I pay the mortgage , and now I have 2 properties going on 3. And my older brother still rents. The irony is I'm the one who dealt with addiction and near drove my family apart before I got sober.

[@stuarthudson4287]

I love when you give updates on people. It would be so nice to find out about the people who follow your advice and the results. I don’t think the ppl who don’t follow up week would want to.

[@flowscreation3741]

Im 28, and just bought my first house. When I turned 18 I left my farthers home and never talked to him again. Remember parents it's a two way street, and its sad how many great kids hate their parents.

[@DoingMyBest18]

The reality is many parents are sick of their”kids” as well. Entitled much?

[@dawnchristine]

Depends on the reason the daughter chose WSU. If she wants to go and party across the state at her parents’ expense, then no. But if there is a specific program on the Pullman campus such as nursing or agriculture, veterinary medicine, then I would consider paying her tuition only. By all means, apply for federal aid-grants and loans through FAFSA. She could take out loans for her housing…if you don’t care whether or not the kid gets a degree, then be hard nosed about your rules. Otherwise, reconsider the rules you have laid out and modify accordingly.

[@1jw298]

And that girl will be the most self sufficient one when it’s all said and done. Responsibility

[@ΤάσοςΚαυσοκαλυβίτης]

yeah, because she wants to go further away to learn "self sufficiency" and strive for an independent life and not to lead/experience the "college life on campus" ... come on, we weren't born yesterday. ;)

[@janelleg597]

Lady. Stop blubbering. Let her go. She's a freakin adult

[@Sheryl777]

@janelleg597 it doesn't hurt anything though for the parent to sit down with their adult child and talk things over though and explain where the parent is coming from as far as paying or not paying for college, (as both Dave and John suggested), if the adult child would be willing to do that with the parent. I think, even if the parent and child disagree with each other, it's good to have communication back and forth if at all possible.

[@maryjane-vx4dd]

She's not stopping her daughter from going to the school 6 hrs away. She's just not paying for it. Let the daughter adult and be responsible for her decisions.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

@@maryjane-vx4dd Bingo

[@NYNC88]

What would it cost you to pay for college if they live at home? Offer them that amount of money and let them figure it out. That's fair for everyone.

[@furballdf]

Exactly. I was thinking the same thing. No need for choosing between two extremes when intermediate possibilities exist.

[@drtij_dzienz]

Yeah being petty, controlling, and vindictive over something as benign as “going to an in-state college” is a horrible way to start an adult child-parent relationship. Could see this kid going non-contact, withholding grandkids in the future, etc.

[@AmukaAkuma]

Except for the daughter that is following the rules. They may feel slighted because the "favorite" daughter got to live on campus. Either everyone is offered the same privilege's (parents are NOT obligated to pay for college), or she gets to pay for having the college experience.

[@KiLLED5639]

This is a good point. This is a test for the mother, who seems to be in control of everything, to learn to relinquish control and let her young adults understand the gravity of their decisions.

[@dustinp161]

From a financial standpoint the mom is right. Out of state tuition is significantly higher than in-state. Why would you spend the extra money if you didn’t have to?

[@Kennybooy9]

Good for her. Boundaries and their choices

[@yeseniaramirez1751]

The young lady is blessed that her parents can pay for school and live at home for free. Thankfully, I lived at home for free. As long as I worked or went to school, that was the rule. My parents helped when they could with school. But I worked 3 jobs and was a PT student to pay for school. In the end, I had no loans. I graduated but don't even use my degree. I work in accounting and make decent money. I moved out when I married. My now husband, too, lived with his parents and went to school. After we both graduated, we got married and had enough money for an inexpensive wedding and purchased a home with our savings. I guess the living at home isn't something weird in our hispanic culture. I was blessed to live with my parents for as long as I did. I love my parents a lot, and now, as an adult, I see why they let me live at home for free. If the young lady gets along with her parents, she should really think about staying at home. But to each there own.

[@AnnaKhait7]

Thank you for this show!!

[@brad885]

I feel like the other side of this is the child wants to get away from the family. As someone who took out loans because it was my only option to get away from a toxic family, I feel like the mom doesn't want her children to leave. I set the same rules for my daughter, but only for the first two years in a community school.

[@tl4633]

Thankfully our daughter was able to graduate from college with zero debt. We have also wanted to pay for our children’s college so the way we did that was we let her know that she can go to the local community college, which she did and we paid for in cash, then she went to the 4 year university and we used my military benefits to help pay for that. we couldn’t afford to pay for her college and her living expenses if she went away to college, while paying for our own expenses, so it was sacrifice for all of us. She moved a couple of months after graduating and we all have a fantastic relationship.

[@BrianaBudgets]

What’s so bad about going off to college? I stayed home for college because I had no direction in life and I really wish I could’ve had the college experience. There’s nothing wrong with her daughter wanting to go live at college. Sounds like controlling parents to me.

[@CrypticCobra]

Who's more controlling, the one that is willing to give a free handout to someone with conditions, or the one saying they want the free handout and to ignore the conditions? I think it's pretty clear who is more controlling. If you don't want the handout don't take it, arguing that the conditions of a free handout are "unfair" is pretty damn controlling.

[@beckycaughel7557]

Not over, controlling at all, they offered to pay for college for their adult children. That actually is not an obligation of a parent. That’s the obligation of the student but they’re willing to pay for it all. They just want them to go to school they can live at home it’s cheaper they don’t have to pay to live in a dorm. They don’t have to pay the price for Dining. The school their daughter picked requires them to live on campus and requires that they participate in the Dining program. That’s a lot of extra money and it’s simply possible that her parents can’t pay all that extra mom said she was willing to give her money for groceries. She shouldn’t do that because part of the requirement of that school is it is that they have to pay for dining. So that’s covered. It’s perfectly OK if the daughter thinks she’s better off for her future go to this other school but then she’s gotta figure out how to pay for it.

[@plushrush]

Is this being said by a person who wanted their parents to fund their party lifestyle, the college experience means an education-the rest is high school.

[@jillianmaher894]

This isn't a college issue. It's a money issue. She wants them to get out of college debt free. And wants them to not have to struggle for rent/good. She makes sense. Except I would offer tuition and room and board or if you live on your own I'll cover tuition but you're on your own for dorms and food.

[@Snesboy09]

Probably doesn't want her daughters to turn into whores and going into massive debt.

[@linhaton4957]

You are doing the right thing. Do not co-sign any student loans. You are offering a college education that’s within your budget. What a good example you are setting.

[@sinclairal]

I would opt out too. Mom sounds very controlling. Why would she not give her tuition still. Also living at home at that age is lame. You got to get out there and learn and be around others.

[@yit555]

Tuition at state schools are way more expensive. And either way, her money, her rules.

[@ruthirwin8222]

My daughter lives the college life for one year then moved back home cos it was too expensive

[@masterfig9093]

Yeah, I agree with others. Why not say you opted out of free room. We'll still help pay for tuition, but you're on your own for your room & board.

[@pamelacagno2878]

Parents are not obligated to pay for ANY of their kids college costs!

[@edhcb9359]

That’s right! They can live with the rest of their lives instead! That will show them!

[@pamelacagno2878]

Those parents should be saving for their retirement! The kids have their whole life to pay off their" bad decisions" i.e. college.

[@edhcb9359]

@@pamelacagno2878 Parents arent saving for retirement though. Have you seen the statistics? They buy cars and crap they don’t need and make their own kids take on debt. Statistically speaking.

[@pamelacagno2878]

@@edhcb9359 Speak for yourself. I said what I said!

[@aolvaar8792]

@@pamelacagno2878 I graduated in 1980 and took my mineral engineering degree overseas. ~$100K/yr, tropical diseases and light sniper fire. An alumnus offered to pay for my education, FREE. bad decisions i.e. college?????

[@katekjones]

At least the daughter is making a good choice going from Tacoma to Pullman. Daughter, if you're reading this, I never had the option for paid school. I graduated from WSU with $34K in debt. I paid it off in two years after graduation. Work hard, network harder, and have a plan for when you graduate. I needed independence from my parents and it was the best choice for me. Listen to your gut whether that's UW Tacoma, PLU, Pierce, WSU, ect. and you'll be okay. Go Cougs!

[@N2H75]

Yikes wow mom sounds super controlling. Respecting your young college student is about negotiating with them. "We refuse to let them move out." and then upset because it feels so WRONG. Maybe because it is WRONG. If the kids want that experience how can you say yes? Does it mean they need a part time job or more scholarships? Why are you setting them up to submit or cut ties as the ONLY option? Ask yourself that.

[@drtij_dzienz]

That kids going to enjoy sending her to the Medicare-quality nursing home someday

[@yit555]

Nothing controlling about it. Their money, their rules. They’re trying to set their daughters up for success. If their daughters don’t want their money, they know where the door is. Parents will still love them, but won’t participate in their ridiculous decision to go $50k+ into debt.

[@balto6873]

NAILED IT! I think it about control

[@eddier115]

I agree, but at the end of the daybits her money. And to be fair the culture now is crazy especially with hookup culture. She may be trying to protect them

[@drtij_dzienz]

@@eddier115 it’s all fun and games until you wake up one day and your kids don’t let you visit grandkids because you were petty and vindictive towards them earlier. At that point even trying to control them over inheritance won’t work

[@tammaratiffany7425]

My parents said college on my own. Got a full scholarship and left. Best thing for me. Not one dime of their money. Guess what? They had no say over my choices.

[@JM-zv5bi]

Look, I rarely comment on things I find on KZbin. But the bottom line is that is cheaper to live at home than it is to board. Just because somebody is your parents doesn’t mean that they’re made out of money! These kids are blessed that their parents can help them with their tuition. Many people just can’t afford to send their children to college. Especially when there are multiple kids.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Exactly. Its the start of possibly many big ticket items a parent might pay for over the next decade for their adult kid. Then, it could derail retirement plans. Its weird that people don't see this. It's more than just the kid in the scenario. The parent is in it too and they aren't made of money.

[@mary-annethorn1273]

In Australia, most university students live at home. We don’t go away for uni unless we either live in the country, or our uni option is out of state.

[@kyleperry2568]

What she didn't add is that WSU is way cheaper than any 4-year school remotely near Tacoma.

[@tommyatkinson7312]

Because it’s not about the money, it’s about the mom wanting her daughter to live at home

[@DigitalRecollections]

UW has a Tacoma campus, I got my BA there…it’s a commuter school so you don’t get the “college experience” but whatever

[@Ka_Gg]

At first, I thought the mom was just wanting to fold but it sounds like she wants to stay strong but has nobody else in her corner for strength. There's absolutely no reason why she should be enforcing this rule on her own. Her husband needs to step up. Also, I would not be surprised at all if her other daughters had a resentment over this if she decided to pay. I think she said the oldest ended up not going to college over this rule and the other one stayed at home while going to school. When my brother and I went to school, there were different rules where he got a lot more money and I got nothing when going to college (no strings attached). I always had a little resentment over it.

[@angieprice7206]

I would pay her tuition fees and offer free accommodation at home. If she wants to move elsewhere, that’s her choice and she foots the bill for it.

[@arfriedman4577]

My lparents had a college fund set up since i was a child. I made sure to grt good grades to try and get a scholarship. My parents said i cou d go away to college in a certain p ice range. After seeing the messy dorms and food in the sink i decided i was going to a loca college. I had a partial scholarship for 4 years. From the 2nd year, i got an smaller 2nd scholarship. I was happy i stayed home, but once in a whille i used to ghink about if id went away to college

[@lcmichaels7215]

My plan for my children was going to be if they went and paid for community college, eliminated all their General Studies courses and maintained a 3.0 GPA, then I would pay for tuition, room and board with they transferred to their four-year university. Unfortunately I never got the chance to enact on that as I ended up not having children due to infertility issues. But I recommend this compromise to parents who are looking for ways to get their children to think about their educaion and not just jump to the first football laden or party school they saw.

[@BusArch42]

This is what mine did. Except I had to pay for everything at community college. Car insurance, repairs ( no public transportation) all my medical costs tuition fees books etc. they also got to pick where I went to away and my major. My grandparents offered that I could live with them for free and go to a UC school. My dad opted for a different UC school and having to pay for rent. He then complained nonstop about the cost. He tried to get me to pay him back later and I laughed at him. Sure if I had gotten to pick major and school it would be one thing but you controlled all of it. So no money back for you. The rules were different for his bio kids. He paid for culinary school and all kinds of other stuff. Way more expensive than my college away was.

[@L.O.R.DRecords]

I hate when he say take someone to coffee 🤦🏽😂

[@MrTmenzo]

Makes sense no need to pay for boarding if there's colleges nearby you can move out when you graduate. For free education sheesh would be nice 👍

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

Or the young woman could work part time and get roommates and learn to take care and provide for herself basics while Mom covers tuition. I don't know why the mother needs her to live at home and neither does she... Whatever the reason, she doesn't want to articulate and communicate her truth like an adult should.

[@b4ph0m3tdk9]

Dave hits bullseye on this one!

[@BearsBeetsBattlestarGalactica1]

A lot of people are jumping to some pretty harsh conclusions based on a pretty short conversation here about the mom. the oldest daughter chose not to follow the rules and moved out on her own, the middle daughter chose to follow the rules and is living at home getting college for free. So this youngest daughter has seen both scenarios play out and is choosing the one she wants. That is what adults get to do.

[@CrypticCobra]

The issue isn't the fact she is choosing not to accept the handout, the issue is their are arguments that she should still get the handout while also living away from home.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

​@CrypticCobra - if the older ones didnt get the same deal, then NO. It has to be the same.

[@SueSmith-h4r]

The oldest can always change her mind after a semester. Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way.

[@jjolive11]

We are a single low income household but my husband and I set up resps for our kids. By the time they go to college they will have 10k each for tuition. We know it’s not a lot but it is what we can do to help them start out their adult lives❤

[@AmandaHugenkiss2915]

All she has to do is say we can afford to pay this much per semester or year. Anything beyond that you have to figure out. And don't cosign anything, this kid will stick her with the loan 100% guaranteed.

[@CrypticCobra]

She doesn't "have" to do anything.

[@LexCinnabon]

Dave’s jab at crypto was funny. I listen to him on just about everything except Bitcoin. But I get why it’s not desirable to some.

[@JessicaDaniJohnson]

Pay for school then. Not room and board. They can find a job or scholarship. Otherwise it just seems controlling and theyll grow up cutting contact.

[@eurekahope5310]

Not necessarily. Growing up means paying your way. Two of my siblings followed our parents guidelines for financial assistance for college, one did not. We all still get along. In fact, the one who went their way is now the closest to our parents.

[@dcg590]

Nope. If she doesn’t want to adhere to the boundaries she will pay the consequences. People are too soft now

[@Nonsense116]

Nope, it's the moms money she gets to set rules for the money. Esepcially if its tens of thousands of dollars. My parents didn't pay my way and we are just fine.

[@yit555]

Mom isn’t obligated to offer them a cent for college. She’s offering a gift that will set them up for life. Her daughter can take it or leave it, her choice.

[@JessicaDaniJohnson]

​@eurekahope5310 but this caller seems very focused on the money. If its about money, she can allow her daughter to get scrappy and innovative to figure out a way to pay for room and board. Im glad in the scenario you mentioned everyone's still close, but it doesnt always happen that way.

[@carolcole570]

Dave, I find it amusing that none of your callers catch your “ tongue in cheek “ response of “ Better than I deserve “. Your response clearly NAILS it.❤️

[@bluejedi723]

they live in tacoma, wa- I grew up in that area. I know for a fact the mom isn't the crazy one here about college. There are *at least* 10 community colleges within 30 miles of Tacoma. Kid(s) can live at home AND attend community college for 2 years (and avoid the requirement of a 4 year college making freshman live at home)- save a crap ton of money. Then transfer to a 4 year school. The UW (university of Washington) has a campus in downtown Tacoma. There's one well respected private college about 20 minutes drive from Tacoma. And another one about 45 minutes south. Besides the UW, there's 4-5 in state public colleges that have a campus within a 40-minute drive of Tacoma...where kids can still live at home and commute. Mom is being smart here- college is $$$$ enough without adding housing to that.

[@johnwilburn]

My four year degree from Virginia Tech is worth no less because of my first two years at Bluefield College.

[@lowermichigan4437]

My father set a hard rule for him to help pay for my university. I had to accept his new wife and turn my back on my mother. This was the woman he left his family for. I think it has been almost 2 decades since he and I last spoke. Set your rules but don't be surprised when you will no longer be part of her life or at a minimum damage that relationship.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

This is not the same situation at all.. your Dad was forcing you to ignore your own Mother?!! These people are not doing that. Mom is thinking about wasted dollars and perhaps trying to avoid missing her daughter

[@ecclairmayo4153]

I'm so sorry you went through that kind of abusive manipulation.❤ I take it you didn't go for it. Even if you did, that's okay as you were under duress. Did you end up moving out and taking loans?

[@BlueDauntless]

Not the same situation. The mom isn’t being unreasonable. She has three kids. College is expensive. She set up rules so SHE could afford to help. Not paying or rooms and board is how she helps. If the daughter gets butt hurt over that, she’s the issue.

[@blacksnk]

You don't give the right to make rules with my money. You stated your boundaries, she can either get with program or opt out.

[@Sheryl777]

@blacksnk 👍

[@drtij_dzienz]

In 20y when this kid is independent, do you think she will let her petty and controlling mom see grandkids? Visit on holidays? Help her when she gets sick? Or just sign the DNR and tell doc to pull the plug on mean old grammy? Parents can’t leverage their money over their kids forever

[@kvgolfa]

Why not pay tuition but not pay living expenses? Seems pretty simple

[@fishtail1129]

It seems like a hard line to say you won’t pay any college costs if you don’t live at home. Why not pay tuition and let daughter get a job and pay her own living expenses? Maybe mom is smothering her and she needs to get out and spread her wings. I’m betting the living at home requirement is not just financial, but about control. This is the third kid and she has watched her older siblings and is like, nope, not for me. My husband got free tuition as his dad was a professor at a local college. He and his siblings all lived in the dorms. Let your kid learn to be a grown up! Being that extreme authoritarian with kids that are almost adults is a great way to drive them away. Then you’ll be surprised when they don’t come home for Thanksgiving.

[@CrypticCobra]

Because it's her money and she can set whatever conditions she wants when giving free handouts? If the daughter doesn't want it she doesn't have to take it. It would only be controlling is she was trying to forbid the daugher from doing it. Refusing to pay for something you agree with is not forbidding it, it is refusing to be the one that pays for it. Nothing is stopping the daughter from funding her own way.

[@moonbuni59]

She should have just told each they would pay x amount each year toward their college. After that it is up to them. We paid our kids tuition and housing. They had to work for the extra money. They did both went to reasonably priced schools though.

[@edhcb9359]

Why does she add that they have to live at home? Because she’s a control freak. That won’t change her entire life unless the daughter refuses to comply. Good for the daughter. Edit: Let’s not lose sight of the fact that if her daughter supports herself for a year before going to college then she is independent and will likely qualify for more help than the mom wants to give her anyways! 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@insideoutsideupsidedown2218]

Then the daughter can pay her own way.

[@edhcb9359]

@@insideoutsideupsidedown2218 The sooner the daughter breaks away from the controlling Mom the better. She doesn’t need the strings attached to the Mom’s help.

[@Sheryl777]

@edhcb9359 Is she a control freak (as you say) or is it that the mom and dad cannot pay for room and board along with regular college costs? Think before you speak!

[@edhcb9359]

@@Sheryl777 I understand that they can’t(or won’t)and that the daughter choosing to live away is on her. But the Mom is withholding everything if she doesn’t get her way. The Mom is actually the child in this scenario.

[@edhcb9359]

@@insideoutsideupsidedown2218 Yes, absolutely. Work, go to school part time, and exercise her finger to the controlling mom. She will be better for it in the end.

[@engrpiman]

i went to tour WSU in pullman and went to the U OF I next door

[@birdseye2239]

Ironically she's going to force her kids to go get student loan debt to get away from mommy

[@IceMan0003]

Where is the gun? How is she 'forcing' them?

[@AmukaAkuma]

Yeah, it's either college or your life is over. smh

[@birdseye2239]

They would like to go to college with a feeling of independence. To go out in the world without a babysitter. That's a healthy want. This stinks of an over-controlling over-protective mother who doesn't want to lose control. Most parents her age would look forward to having the kids out of the house. Not this one. She doesn't want to give up parenthood. I think someone of college age would be willing to take out student loans in order to have a better college experience away from mommy@@IceMan0003

[@mycupoverflows7811]

They can go get a job and move out. These comments are so black and white. There's life without college degrees.

[@Sian660]

They could chose to go into trades or just make sure they get a sensible loan. I got a sensible loan so I could move out. Sure I wouldn’t set it up that way because I think it’s important for young people to live outside of home coz then you get more realistic about how bad the home situation was with mum and Dad vs housemates *shudder*. But I get the parents decision on this, with very little money to find their kids college and plenty of schools in the area it’s a common sense choice to ensure they had enough money to send all their kids to college.

[@greggpurviance7252]

I am glad I and my great kids did not live on campus, but you do you. (1 exception for 1 semester, then moved off campus, too expensive & too nuts)

[@hadenanderson563]

Mom is like if you stay home, you can go to the most expensive college, But if you Go to a state school where tuition, room, and board combined are cheaper than the nearby university, we just won't pay.

[@Trisha_B_done]

I really hope this mom listens. Her daughter will be so much better for learning to stand on her own. I have seen parents suffer into their child's 60th bday bc they wouldn't stand by their boundaries.

[@kekejefferson9219]

She needs to apply for financial aid and put zero as parent contribution, work study, & scholarships. She will have to get a loan to stay in the dorm or get an apt.

[@Late4tea959]

In the United States, you aren't considered an independent student until age 24. If you're under 24 and don't meet the independent student criteria, you can't even complete the FAFSA by yourself. You HAVE TO include your parent's income and assets. You also wouldn't qualify for federal student loans by yourself. It sounds like if these parents include their income, the student wouldn't qualify for any grants and would flag as a loan option, but again, it would include the parents and likely require them to co-sign, etc. Basically, since these parents aren't willing to pay for her (that's another matter entirely), the kid will be forced into private loans (and likely will not qualify) or wait until after they turn 24 since they don't have any savings. From the FAFSA site: Students who are 24 at the time of filing or who turn 24 by December 31 of the award year are automatically considered independent. If you are under 24, you might be considered independent for federal aid purposes if: Married or separated but not divorced Pursuing a master’s or doctorate degree You have children who receive at least half of their financial support from you You have dependents who are not your child or spouse but receive at least half of their financial support from you Currently serving in the armed forces on active duty, and are not in training You are a veteran Both of your parents have passed away You have been in foster care, been a ward, or a dependent of the court at any point since turning 13 Emancipated or in a legal guardianship You are an unaccompanied youth who is homeless or self-supporting and at risk of becoming homeless

[@brennik05]

My parents told my brother and I they had $75,000 for each of us for college. If that lasted 1 year or through a phd it didn’t matter that’s all we were getting. My brother’s lasted through 2 1/2 years and then he took loans out for the rest. I went on a full scholarship. Luckily at my school it was a total cost of enrollment scholarship. So room, board, and meal plan were included. I just had to pay for books. I also worked in the bookstore for my fun money. Later when my husband and I found our dream home we were able to combine the $75,000 with our “home fund” and cash flow that home. My brother was really mad that he ended up with all that debt, but my parents stuck to their policy.

[@roygonzales392]

Mom sounds to controlling good luck to daughter 👍🏼 she’s got this

[@cherylsoderstrom7391]

My granddaughter is in Pullman has a dorm room on campus has a job and doing well.

[@sasasavage5047]

I don't agree with how they did this. If you saved for your children's tuition, you should just say they have X amount to spend on tuition and if they want to move away, they will have to cover those extra costs. Tying the help to living at home seems weird and controlling to me.

[@edhcb9359]

Totally agree!

[@SageKayDee]

Agreed!!!

[@Mdonlevy9927]

Ugh, the best thing this kid could do is potentially move out, lol.

[@aolvaar8792]

Same thought

[@soonermagic24]

I agree. Equal the amount you pay for the other kids, but the parents should’ve said that in the beginning

[@status_elitegaming9523]

I agree that if it’s the rules then okay don’t give her money but the biggest thing I don’t like is there feels like there isn’t an explanation of why (put this in before I got to the end). Not to mention what is she going to school for? Is there a reason she wants to go to that college 6hrs away maybe there is some sort of boundaries that have not been made, the kid is turning to an adult something tells me there isn’t too much freedom in the house. Respect goes both ways and realizing your kid is a becoming an adult means respecting their decisions. If it is truly bad like going for an arts degree making 40k a year probably not a good idea to support her but a over 6 figure job well maybe it’s not that crazy of an idea even though it’s her not living at home. Have her come up with the difference or sign her name for the loan. Setting a living at home limit tells me mama doesn’t wanna give up her control and dad knows there’s no winning that battle to change that.

[@mle011]

My parents had the opposite rule. We were encouraged to go to college away from home & they paid for 4 years of room & board. They saw it as, “we will pay for you to eat & have a roof over your head for 4 years”. Then we were responsible ourselves for funding tuition - through scholarships, working, savings, etc. And we all graduated on time in 4 years. None of this 4.5-6 years to graduate stuff. Seemed to work out well for us! If I knew my parents were paying all my tuition, I’d have no motivation to apply for scholarships. If I’m paying for my own tuition, I’m working hard to find any scholarships I can.

[@oldhag2881]

My oldest brother couldn't afford his daughter's tuition. She found that lots of small scholarships go unused and are available for the asking. She was thrilled if she found one for $1K.

[@laurendearnley9595]

Seems like a good transition. Gives you freedom to figure out basic expenses and budgeting while not overloading you during a time you should be studying, and ensuring you have somewhere safe to live and food to eat.

[@karenk2409]

I paid for my daughters for 4 years, period, and made that clear. Amazing, they graduated in 4 years!

[@Jch833]

You can hear that she’s not internalizing their advice. She waits for them to say something so that she can interrupt and say “yeah but..”

[@JustinCase780]

Papa Dave: "Not even the dog listens to my dad voice anymore" 😂😂

[@christersmith5470]

My father told me he would help pay for my masters on the condition I did an mba. I declined, and paid my own way through my masters in statistics program. I used that to become a data scientist, and probably did better than if I had done an mba.

[@thegenxgamerr]

This call is a great example of why many believe young people lack discipline. Listen to this mother carefully. Dad is to blame as well, although we don't have his perspective. Parents make rules, kids break them, kids have consequences. That formula has worked for a long time and produces young adults who understand expectations and consequences. When you have parents unwilling to enforce the rules they set up, the damage can be a life sentence for these kids.

[@NoOne2023_NoOne]

Not a kid anymore, kid is an adult

[@Sheryl777]

@@NoOne2023_NoOne I think @thegenxgamerr's point was that parents backing down from rules parents say they are making (but then don't follow through with) teaches children from a young age that their parent's rules don't really mean anything and that the child can get away with going against the rules from a young age, which isn't good for the child at all, so that when that child becomes an adult, they already know their parent's rules are BS. And I agree with him that kind of upbringing can cause damage to their children.

[@SeansModelBuilds2017]

When do you think parents starting being scared of setting rules for their kids began? And why?

[@thegenxgamerr]

@@SeansModelBuilds2017 I think parents became afraid to enforce rules (net set them) starting in the 90's at least thats when I started to notice. Why? Social pressure, guilt from having 2 working parents. Guilt from higher divorce rates. Pressure from government entities. Quick example. I dont recall stories from the 60-70-80's of kids call social services to report there parents for not letting them watch TV. I do remember reading articles about that in the 90's. Very abstract but you asked.

[@razmiddle9410]

Not paying for college because you don't think housing is worth paying for is one thing, but if the daughter can work and pay for room and board without going into debt, it sounds like the "live at home" rule is more about controlling her movements and less about money or sticking to principles about being debt free.

[@christopherbilkey5237]

I lived at home and got an MBA with no debt and no regrets.

[@Zelfal]

I lived with my parents while i went to college they helped me pay for it but once i started working i paid every bit back, My older bro picked a community college further away and did the stupid college thing and had alot of debt but refused to move back home and abide by rules, we both listened to Dave when we were in high school but he chose the debt cliff and is now paying for it. If the agreement was one way and someone wants to amend it they broke the contract so they should deal with consequence.

[@sierrasky2491]

I must not be understanding this, just because she wants to go to school where she wants to go doesn't make her a bad person.

[@miltoncat]

Exactly. Like if she doesn’t fall in line with Mom, she’s pretty much dead to them.

[@AmukaAkuma]

That is not the point, she can go to whichever school that she want's, but she will also have to pay her own way. Welcome to the adult world.

[@sierrasky2491]

@@AmukaAkuma so the parents would pay her tuition if she lives at home but they won't pay her tuition if she goes to school X. What's the difference either way they would be helping her by paying tuition

[@KiLLED5639]

@@sierrasky2491 not living at home costs the parents more money than they have or willing to pay. That's the problem the mother is having.

[@AmukaAkuma]

@@sierrasky2491 They already have a daughter following the rules, bending them for the younger daughter is not fair. Tuition is a gift, not an obligation.

[@meomy29]

I've got a couple problems with this: 1. If Mom and Dad still have debt how can they cash flow college, especially when they have more than one in school at the same time? 2. Kids need to work summers full time & part time during the year. 3. Consider ROI. My son's close friend has a BS in history. He started working at Kroger while in school. Couldn't find a job using his degree so he kept working at Kroger. Pay is based upon seniority & because of how long he's worked there, he makes more than store manager. He really likes his job stocking shelves. A guy with an MFA works in the art section of our local Hobby Lobby. Nephew has MS from Cambridge. While he has a great job, he didn't need a degree to get it. 4. Kids shouldn't start college if they don't have a plan. Don't start until they know what they want to do. A college degree means zippo if they can't get a job using their degree. 5. College isn't for everyone. There are many open jobs in the trades. A welder can make more than someone with a MS in social work. Not sure if John's right about living on campus. The kids get together and party an awful lot.

[@utube9000]

Both the mother and Dave are being ridiculous here. The solution is simple: The mother can pay for her daughters college and the daughter can pay for the rent to live outside of the house. What the heck is wrong with that?

[@rampagenelson9658]

Giving In works wonders that’s why😂

[@loganwamer2976]

​@@rampagenelson9658 The word is called compromise. Very healthy practice among adukts.

[@WildRootsLearning]

Don’t make your adults live with you! Cover cover tuition and let them do the rest.