She Was Violated, He Was "Cancelled"

What a trashy article.
Original Article:www.thecut.com...
New York Times Response: nymag.com/pres...
Gawker Article: www.gawker.com...
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[@KatBlaque]

I'm really sorry this keeps happening but captions will be up soon. I keep forgetting to upload them before leaving my apartment.

[@tonygomez4966]

Canceled is such a dumb word in this context. He didn’t get canceled, he faced repercussions because of his actions.

[@pacingandmuttering5106]

Literally. It says he fucked up but frames the obvious consequences of that "fuck up" as unreasonable. Safety of women over comfort of men.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

He didn't even face legal repercussions, nor was he formally disciplined by the school. A bunch of people simply decided to stop being his friend because he's a garbage person.

[@reneebear3641]

He didn’t even face the worst repercussions he should, this isn’t going to be long lasting & generally this wouldn’t follow someone beyond highschool

[@nailinthefashion]

"I'd rather face consequences than get canceled!"

[@Veeravaara]

And his "reprocussions" were what 50 % of teens experience, there's so much drama and friendships breaking during those years. I mean, I lost friends because they THOUGHT I was mad at them about something I didn't even think about at all

[@simbaladesignsinsights]

So again, a woman’s beauty is to blame for a man’s complete disrespect and lack of boundaries. Sickening

[@Butterflier00]

and not even a woman....A GIRL. THAT IS A CHILD.

[@simbaladesignsinsights]

@@Butterflier00 for reallll, that part!

[@paddy1144]

Lol but when it’s used as their defence for abusing men it’s fine, you lot are one way streets and your repetition and denial is getting dull

[@paddy1144]

@@Butterflier00 2 children! One of which distributed child pornography and one who shared it! Yet you over look one

[@ashyeet702]

yah that is literally just mysogyny

[@tayzonday]

For me it’s more that they’re handing down life sentences for having 1/10 of a pound of weed if you’re black in Mississippi-in 2022-but some writers act like free range chicken and forgiving abusers are the most urgent justice issues facing our species.

[@nessaahmad4781]

OMG TAY you watch Kat too!!!!!!!!

[@xryxix]

Literally...how disproportionate it all is is so telling and I'm sick of it.

[@peachfuzz7329]

👆Thank you.

[@aTwistedSista]

🎯

[@fightvale57]

Completely agree. Might I add I am surprised to hear this coming from you, maybe I shouldn't be but this was a nice surprise and blast from the past to see someone I admire making some sense in this demonic time.

[@athousandlives7231]

So by this author’s logic, he can share his girlfriend’s nudes with friends and it‘s all „oh oopsie, well all teenagers make mistakes, can‘t hold that against him“, but if she shares the mere information about that happening with her friends, it‘s „oh no how could she, this will negatively impact him in his life, let me write an entire article defending him“....yes, logic Especially because no teenager has ever been negatively impacted by having their nudes shared, right? What in the fuckery. 🤦‍♀️

[@tacrewgirl]

All of this!

[@forgenorman3025]

Girls have had to change schools after having nude pictures of them spread to get away from the bullying and harassment, but we're supposed to feel sorry for the guy who shared them now that he's facing consequences? Nah mate.

[@cam4636]

Welcome to Rape Culture. "He isn't to blame for assaulting her, he was drunk! Well of course she's to blame for being assaulted, she was drunk!" "Being called a rapist will ruin his life! Oh, you were raped? Get over it and move on with your life!" "Women need to take responsibility for their actions that caused them to get raped! Men make mistakes, we shouldn't destroy their reputations over that!" I can, unfortunately, keep going. How'd you like some "Well what about MEN who've been assaulted? No, not by other men, just by women! No, I'm not going to help those survivors, I'm just going to use them as objects to cancel out every argument about sexism in every context! Checkmate feminists!" We need to destroy the idea that 'being canceled' or 'falsely accused' is anywhere on the same level as being assaulted, at the very least, or we'll never progress past that.

[@kirstencorby8465]

It's another aspect of something that I am finding increasingly intolerable -- the way male predation is treated as a force of nature mankind is powerless against, like the weather. Instead of individual acts by individual men harming individual women.

[@Dracomata]

There are literally segments taught by the school counsiler I had to sit through repeatedly in GRADE SCHOOL about why sending/sharing nudes is a BAD IDEA, and HARMFUL. I am 22... I was in highschool about 4 YEARS AGO. If they were doing it then, then they should still have been doing that.

[@viktoriabraun4090]

Isn't it so lovely how the phrase "psychedelically beautiful" immediately implies that she has this drug-like effect on boys, as if they are basically not accountable for their violating behavior because they were "under the influence" of her intoxicating beauty. Way to go! What a concise way to sign post to readers that she is basically to blame for the violation of her own rights because she is just too pretty I guess.

[@coralineschmidt1078]

additionally, the author doesn't go to that school... has she seen here? like, up close? if she describes her skin like that it makes me imagine that she like was 1 meter away she probably didn't and that makes it weirder

[@sydastark]

And authors choices made me so uncomfortable. The instant objectification feels like the beginning of some creepy Lolita movie.

[@nikolnolastname4473]

I'm reminded of an article about a soldier in a guerrilla army whk took a child and sa.The girl was described as beautiful, blah blah blah. It made me extremely uncomfortable how their "meeting" was described as it were a magical moment.

[@ellerose5997]

@@nikolnolastname4473 thats horrific. people like that and enable that are terrifying

[@oggyboggy8692]

Sounds like Lolita. Complete blaming of the victim.

[@mammoneymelon]

1. describing teen girls as beautiful in this context is disgusting 2. what the girls at the high school were doing (writing the names on the wall) is actually a pretty good idea and is literally in no way cancelling. they're looking out for each other because they know the adults won't

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

Exactly

[@ghostfrequencies]

it genuinely bothers me that she continuously calls it a mistake. it wasn't a mistake. he didn't accidentally pull his phone out, accidentally unlock it, accidentally open the photos ap and accidentally show his friends. it was a decision he consciously made, being framed as a slip-up. just as it is for every man who does something sexually violating. this was something he chose to do. he is not being "punished" for a "mistake; girls at that school took note of his actions and decided to warn each other.

[@moustik31]

Right? He wanted to either brag and/or hurt her. This isnt an accident. I like, that the girls have a "wall of dudes to watch for". Good for them to watch out for each other.

[@heleng7832]

Did you see that his disgusting mother tried to file a Title IX on her abusive son's BEHALF?

[@dyslexiccowoom3991]

For real. It totally ignores that (even if she was so "psychedelically beautiful" 🤮) he could've shown any other picture to show off, but still chose the nudes.

[@julietfischer5056]

@@moustik31- Bragging would be understandable. I doubt that was the only photo on his phone. He was drunk, a condition that makes bad ideas seem great, but that doesn't take away from what he did.

[@PeCzech]

I think you are confusing mistake with accident - it was a mistake (cf. it was wrong), but it wasn't an accident (it was completely foreseeable)

[@Lucifersfursona]

An adult writing about minors like this is upsetting She’s also psychedelically misogynistic

[@Lucifersfursona]

“You have to understand the minor’s body was so bangin he had to show the boys” HEY MA’AM. THOSE ARE CHILDREN.

[@00s.v.n.s00]

@@Lucifersfursona What kind of sick f*ck implores for someone to "understand" another sick f*ck's motivation for being a sick f*ck? It's disgusting. What tf is this world?

[@eddie-roo]

Pedophilically misogynistic*

[@ashikjaman1940]

It's a supernova of nonconsent

[@Callimo]

@@ashikjaman1940 An absolute black hole of boyish bitterness harnessed by a pick me mom. "Love" it. 👀👀👀👀

[@oceanknives]

It's truly bewildering that the article is written in a way that makes it sound like being attractive means your body does not belong to you anymore. Like, "oh, she was so beautiful he simply HAD to show her nudes to other people" is such a wild wild thing to defend.

[@aw7145]

Yeah, "maybe she should have thought about being less beautiful if she didn't want her nudes to be shared" is definitely the vibe I'm getting from this article too 🙄

[@makslargu5799]

It sounds like this lady thinks high school is like euphoria, or that that’s a problem.

[@julietfischer5056]

There's showing off your girlfriend using a picture from a day at the skatepark, and doing so using a nude photo. The writer never addressed the crucial difference.

[@Ebrill_Owen]

The idea of being public property if you’re beautiful is so unbelievably gross to me.

[@Snowstriken]

THE WAY THE ARTICLE DESCRIBES HER. IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE

[@zoenobody8815]

The way she wrote celestial beautiful about a minor is cringe. Like she doesn’t even have a fully developed brain. Also downplays what he did to her.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Reminded me of the “nymphet” from Lolita. Except that was almost Satire since you’re not supposed to trust Humbert Humbert.

[@TheLily97232]

It's a way of saying "but she is so beautiful he HAD to brag about her, don't you think ? Please Understand him"........ does he love her or is he in love with her looks ?

[@benjaminmadrigalperez9010]

@@kimberlyterasaki4843 i have Just seen a video about the front Page of that Book. The author was very clear about not having she in the Book.... and yet most Books afterwards have a sexualised TEENAGER as a front Page!!!!! It's disgusting.

[@quirkyblackenby]

@@benjaminmadrigalperez9010 yeah I feel bad for the author. He was against CSA and people totally misinterpreted his book

[@SpoopySquid]

@@quirkyblackenby I blame Kubrik's shitty adaptation for popularising that misinterpretation

[@ellagraves3398]

This reminds me of the story about the college girls who formed a “hoe union” and got in trouble with college admins for bullying. Basically a bunch of girls made a list of men to look out for and if any men were at a party all the girls would leave. That pissed off the boys because all the sudden no girls came to their parties, went to admin about them bullying. So yeah, the men don’t get punished for raping or drugging classmates but when women work together to keep eachother safe they’re bullying.

[@jinmushui1soul]

I think the part we miss, however, is the very mandate that the institution handle bullying in a punitive way opened this possibility, not unlike handing DV response over to law enforcement has allowed perpetrators to accuse their victims or allowed victims to end up incarcerated or dead because they have criminalized identities.

[@Shamazya]

The girls form of bullying was *Checks notes* Not interacting with someone hurting them.

[@dragondahl3828]

But if we don't stay away from the predatory men, it's our fault they hurt us. We can never win.

[@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kitty]

They got in trouble for chosing to leave parties as more than likely grown ass adults??? Seriously???

[@notshardain]

@@cateatpasta5990 I didn't see anything about punishment, but I did see that the person who started the list w/her friends got a warning. Rather than yknow, the school warning the "r*pe frat" to not assault their guests, they warned the girls who spread the info that the r*pe frat had a history of assault.

[@Kiki-cs8xv]

Society: If she was really being sexually violated, why didn't she call it out at the time? Also Society: No, not like that! That might hurt a guy's feelings!

[@julietfischer5056]

Or destroy his future! Won't anybody think of the men? We should make up our collective mind.

[@cam4636]

@@julietfischer5056 Oh, society long ago made up its collective mind.

[@HealthyObbsession]

@@julietfischer5056 came her to say this

[@eddyalonsomoramorales6069]

@@cam4636 rigth 😭😭😭😭like all the man Who got in prison for something they didn't A LOVE how yall try put this like a society thing when the average person dont think a woman deserves to be raped for how she looks

[@wo0o0o0ho0o0]

The fact that there are adults who talk about minors this way is so shameful. How could someone be so perverse?

[@eleven3079]

Emphasizing how "beautiful" the girlfriend was makes it sounds like an explanation/ EXCUSE for why he shared to photos imo. Discusting

[@Fallen4theFallen2]

@@eleven3079 Yes. The writer basically dehumanised her, describing her like she's an angel or something different than a normal human teenage girl. Therefore, you can't blame him for wanting to share her beauty around, right? Really creepy writing about a teenage girl who got violated by her bf.

[@satqur]

It reminds me of gross dudes talking about Lolita. You know the ones.

[@classycolas]

My favorite part of the article is how they tried to drive home how “cancelled” he was socially (because he faced no consequences from admin)… yet he went to all 4 proms?

[@00s.v.n.s00]

Exactly. And the twisted entitlement and creepiness of those kind of people is sickening.

[@Veeravaara]

In my high school about 50% of kids got cancelled by those standards. And by all measures those consequences paled in comparison to what happened when someone made out with someones crush or blurted out someones silly secret. None of that drama is out of the ordinary for teenagers and we're not even talking about literal crimes with victims.

[@notshardain]

no he didn't go to all 4 proms, he went to 4 proms in one year after his "cancellation" lmao. Even wilder.

[@memo-fq3ps]

It's just like how misogynistic or creepy celebrities claim that they were "cancelled" and yet are still getting Netflix deals, fans, and job offers.

[@esmeraldagreengate4354]

@@memo-fq3ps Right! How many people have actually been cancelled?

[@lloyddragon2036]

HE CANCELED HIMSELF. HE RUINED HIS OWN REPUTATION. you can choose _not_ to sexually disrespect, abuse, violate, assault, and harrass women, you know? its called before you do anything think hm, is this going to hurt someone? and if it is, DON'T DO IT!

[@mars9986]

So, a wholesome scenerio of girls banding together to protect themselves has been turned into a sob story for someone who truly doesn't need it.

[@astridarideout1864]

nailed it!

[@vickiclements1250]

ain't nothing wholesome about women/girls having to protect themselves in this manner.

[@boomerangswingsbothways]

Women/girls are always depicted in media as hating each other and this is also mirrored in real life but when we band together as sisters who have concern for each other’s safety and well-being it’s “bad” because we are “robbing a promising young man’s future” 😞😞😞 so sad for that rapist/abuser/assaulter. one tear for all of those men/ boys who violate women/ girls I guess. What about the futures of our promising young women/ girls ?? That doesn’t matter to these shit heads.

[@boomerangswingsbothways]

@@vickiclements1250 That isn’t wholesome but sadly isn’t something that happens in many cases. Women are heavily affected by the misogyny and rape culture in their cultures just like men so the support of other women when a women/girl has gone through abuse or s/a is very important. People who have gone through such traumatic experiences need the support of others but many times survivors do not get the support and empathy that they deserve because of rape culture.

[@UshioKiss]

writing the names of dangerous male students on the wall to keep other female students safe is not being cancelled... its people knowing who you are. this kid is still going to get accepted into colleges and jobs.

[@zuglymonster]

Any more ANYTHING critical said about someone is "cancelling them". If she hadn't written this article no one outside of that town would have even known about it so SHES fucking his future up by crying about how he's a victim. Boys have made lists of girls for YEARS AND YEARS hell it's so common it's a trope in TV shows 'call Laura for a good time "or whatever. What about those girls

[@Sandreline]

I've been in academic settings and workplaces where a guy will label a woman as "crazy" and that shit will follow her for YEARS. So I have very little sympathy for boys and men facing the consequences of their abusive behavior.

[@laurenwalker1048]

The labels that women have been branded with over the centuries have had way more social consequences than the men who are being held accountable for their actions online will ever know. Let’s just think for a second about every label that has been thrown at a woman (which for some, will have probably, if not *definitely* resulted in women being locked in asylums and/or being murdered over the centuries) if not, some of these words can present social repercussions for women. Here’s what I came up with: Whore/slut Frigid Adulterer Bitch Witch Hysterical/emotional Loose/dirty Incompetent Bossy Overly dramatic/drama queen Ditzy Immodest Barren Spinster

[@memo-fq3ps]

Absolutely true. I didn't even think about that. Some girl's reputation can easily get tainted if she's dismissed as "crazy" or as a "slut".

[@A..224]

Absolutely love this comment

[@solaniarhythm7940]

I hate how the cancel culture discourse centers around people getting the consequences for their actions rather than people who engage in bad faith.

[@twig8523]

This is why I won't even grant the existence of a singular "cancel culture" phenomenon. It conflates a handful of different issues & seems to frame any consequences for inappropriate behavior as mob mentality dogpiling. It may be tiresome, but I'll make someone specify the issue & force them to try to justify their moralizing.

[@debasishraychawdhuri]

it centers around going through the justice system.

[@cdubsb3831]

@@twig8523 It's why I try to keep in the framing of targeted attempts to make sure a person can't have any real future or voice. Cases where people have saved instances of non-criminal transgressions from years ago to build a current case to employers, companies making synchronized actions to ban individuals from their platforms whether they've had accounts or not, or the one woman who made an edgy tweet before going on a plane and landing to find she was doxxed, fired from her job, and multiple death threats. I don't think social ostracizing from school is "cancellation" nor any edgy comedians getting pushback or even death threats for their jokes. This is a real phenomenon and danger of the internet that can affect anyone especially marginalized individuals and it loses its meaning when it's co-opted and twisted by the mainstream conscious. Because I'm sure you all would agree that mass exposure does lead to cases of inappropriate levels of escalation and potential danger and that not all cases of "mob mentality dogpiling" are reasonable reactions and consequences for an individual's even supposed actions.

[@ilz_y]

@@cdubsb3831 Sarah Z’s video on the Panopticon effect of Social Media outlines this perfectly. Suddenly our mistakes (not crimes, mistakes) are in full view of the world and we aren’t equipped to deal with it. “Cancel culture” exists but not how most people think it does.

[@victoriaswift1795]

This drives me insane. We are berated for staying silent, berated for speaking up, and then berated for keeping to ourselves and spreading the word to just each other. There is no right answer. You are just harassed every step of the way with no way to make it stop. That’s how it feels to me anyways. I spoke about my assault one time and people stopped talking to me.

[@LadyJoolree]

Daaayumn! I'm sorry that happened to you. 😡

[@bluester7177]

We are berated because the people who do it want us to be silenced and just take it, so we can never win.

[@Hiforest]

In the 90s it was like a secret club you only found out about after it happened to you.

[@kirstencorby8465]

You're right. Male predation is treated as a force of nature we just can't do anything about. We just have to tolerate it like it was the weather.

[@esmeraldagreengate4354]

Well it's simple really, don't get raped in the first place silly. (Yes, sarcasm.)

[@Merrybandoruffians]

I don’t understand why the author of the article acted as if girls making a creep list is something new. When I was in high school/college in the pre Me Too era (very late 00s - 2010s, so not even all that long ago) we had these same kinds of lists and gossip networks to warn other girls about creepy guys because it was widely known that adults and admins were unlikely to do anything. The author wrote about this like this was some kind of new phenomenon that was drummed up to “attack” men or something.

[@isabellamorris7902]

THIS. I was about to comment saying the exact same thing.

[@kirstencorby8465]

We did it when I was in high school forty years ago, and it is probably even older than that.

[@bossyboots5000]

Our society apparently has no shortage of empathy or forgiveness for male perpetrators - and no shortage of animosity and blame for female victims. (Replace male with "white" and female with "poc" and it's the same thing. Ditto het/LGBTQ+.) I have lost count of the number of judges and journalists decrying "but what about the poor boy's future bc of one little 'mistake'?!"(hand to forehead). But never what about the female victims whose life is upended, whose education or career is disrupted, who may be living with the aftermath of trauma from that "one mistake" for the rest of her life. I've never heard that part of the story. We're so busy coddling boys and men who commit violence or sex crimes, bc oh gosh, it's just so hard **sob** for them to deal with the consequences of their criminal actions, and don't these boys deserve a second chance, or a third, or a fourth. And in the meantime we're either throwing victims to the wolves or brutally attacking their character or mental stability (bc anyone who doesn't like sexual harassment or rape must be unhinged, right?). I remember that article and I thought it was way creepy the way this grown woman had such a hard-on to show the beautiful innocence of this poor put upon little boy (gag), while just as creepily writing in an obsessive and objectifying manner about the girl. First, sex crimes and violence are never a "mistake"; let's be clear: they are a CHOICE. This nearly adult-age boy made a CHOICE to share sensitive private photos that would be potentially damaging to the girl. And he did it for bragging rights and attaboys and cool points. I mean, girls have had to leave their entire schools bc their nudes were shared. Some have even committed suicide bc of it. Yet on the whole judges aren't looking at those statistics, nor are police officers, nor parents, nor school administrators - just the future of these poor "cancelled" boys who made the "little childish mistake" of getting drunk and committing a sex crime, bc gee, we all make mistakes when we're kids amirite? I just don't even sometimes. The real story is how the girls at that school were so desperate for action or protection of some kind by adults that they had to take action into their own hands - and that SO MANY had been violated that there were enough names for an entire LIST. Not like 1 or 2 names, but a whole dang list. Few things express so clearly that girls'and women's lives are considered forfeit to that of boys' and men's. Edit: grammar

[@SamuraiShizuo]

True!

[@julietfischer5056]

Most of the adults dealing with this went to school before camera phones. Hell, before cell phones were ubiquitous. If kids wanted to take pictures, they bought cameras. Between their nostalgia goggles and society's tendency to protect boys and men who should not be protected, bad shit is enabled. 'Diego' may not have intended to hurt 'Fiona', but he did. He must understand that and learn to be a better person. He might have a chance at that, going forward. (Any classmates who put their hands on girls are on their way to further offenses.)

[@magickconchshell]

Okay but like… what normal, well adjusted adult would ever describe a teenager as “psychedelically beautiful” ESPECIALLY in an accusatory way??? That’s gross enough on its own… Then it get worse 🙁 Abusive people deserve to be called out and held accountable for their actions. It’s not “canceling”, its a hurt person seeking the justice and respect they deserve. It’s really not that complicated.

[@aishaaofthedays]

the insane bit is she starts the damn thing calling him 'supremely attractive' so she's just being *really* weird about teens on purpose?

[@magickconchshell]

@@aishaaofthedays Oh nooo 😬🤢 Haven’t finished watching yet cause I just got off work. That’s sick.

[@GargoylePrincess]

I’m only 19 and as a trans guy I was often trusted by girls at school with things because to them I was a safe person to go to. This shit happened CONSTANTLY. To the point it was well known that if you sent any kind of revealing picture to a boy it would be shown to his friends. Their was absolutely no doubt about it. I will never be against victims of any kind of abuse to blacklist the abusers because yeah especially in places like high school nothing will happen. I went to a few alternative schools with teenagers with a lot of problems. So many of the boys would do some of the most disgusting things you could think of and they were never reprimanded but if a girl wore a tank top she would be asked to change. Girls need to feel safe and if that means relying on each other to share information then I don’t see a single thing wrong with it.

[@bossyboots5000]

That point about policing girls' dress but not boys' actions was really on the head. Sorry to hear that so many girls were victimized at your schools. It really has become an epidemic.

[@oceania8860]

This has happened in my college on more than one occasion, they didn’t do anything to the men that did the most vile things like sharing nudes, to borderline harassing girls, yet girls are literally so strictly regulated, like they can’t wear revealing clothes nor do anything that’s seen immoral, it makes absolutely no sense and I hate that the guys get away with their actions scot free

[@BananaRama1312]

Then dont send revealing Pictures boom Problem solved

[@user-ooop]

@@BananaRama1312 how about just nor sending to anyone else? And stop pressuring girls to send sh*t when y'all are one trick ponies

[@julietfischer5056]

@@BananaRama1312- You're the guy who would have hounded your girl for pictures, right? Or you're a woman who has long forgotten the sort of pressure teens put on each other.

[@samaraisnt]

So much downplaying. He was a "kid" but she was a beautiful (implied) woman. Also, making everyone "fucked up," subtly implying her having to skip their dates for family time=she was a bad girlfriend, so much weighted blame the amount of bias is astounding. I'm surprised it's not her kid but I'd DEFINITELY watch out for her son. She put him on a list bc anyone with sense would now know to stay away.

[@LadyJoolree]

Her son is lava! Imagine having that woman as a mother in law 😳 😬 I'd stay all the way away!

[@dassijes5943]

How does the writer of this awful article suggest girls respond to the violations of them? She doesn't. She makes it clear that the school was utterly useless to help, but still only wants to criticise the students who tried to help themselves. Some of these criticisms may be valid, but anybody who only wants to criticise or claim 'cancel culture' or focus on the perpetrators does not care about victims and only upholds the status quo.

[@serephita]

That woman that wrote the article is repulsive. Ethical journalism would have had her recuse herself from the story because of her personal connection to the school, but either she didn't think it was important or her boss/editors didn't know or whatever. It's still gross - he violated this girls trust and made a conscious decision to do so.

[@moustik31]

They probably just decided to close their eyes and cash in on the negative engagement.

[@serephita]

@@moustik31 yeah reading their "response" 1 - someone needs grammarly (it should be principle not principal) 2 - even if she didn't have a child at the school when this was happening I imagine that what happened was not a new occurrence and if she had asked that her own child they would have told her that yes, situations like what is now being brought into the open also happened while they were there. It reads like a sloppy attempt at escaping and deflecting accountability.

[@TheSongwritingCat]

Aside from the ethics, it's also just... incredibly lazy? Like, imagine wanting to talk about climate change and writing about the tree in your backyard. I have noticed nymag leaning in the direction of negative engagement lately.

[@moustik31]

@@TheSongwritingCat Yes good point!

[@SpoopySquid]

Ethical journalism should have had the editor toss the entire article in her face the second they saw her describe a child as "psychadelically beautiful"

[@Blue74]

The entitlement to women's and girl's bodies just never ceases to amaze me. The author writing that the girl being so beautiful made the abuser's pandemic time ok really drives the point that her looks were what was valuable to him, not her as a person, and his actions prove this. I'm so sick of society's "boys will be boys" he couldn't help it attitude.

[@emotionalkryptonite1161]

Why is it that every time someone wants to complain about how cancelling people is wrong, they always choose the situations where the person objectively did something really shitty and deserve to face repercussions for their actions? Also, it doesn't matter how hot your girlfriend or partner is, you don't get to show inappropriate images of them without her consent.

[@ilz_y]

Exactly!! As if there aren’t examples out there of “cancellation” in bad faith. Problem is, many of those instances (Lindsay Ellis, James Gunn etc.) are initiated by right wingers, and only spread by “social media liberals” bc of hysteria, not fitting the narrative that many people have constructed regarding cancel culture.

[@neoqwerty]

Because they feel personally attacked because they empathize with the POS, and they think the victim deserves it. Take note of everyone who's crying out about cancel culture in these cases, because they're doing it because they either HAVE DONE THE SAME SHIT or THINK IT'S OKAY TO DO THAT SHIT.

[@juls_krsslr7908]

I'm so glad you're talking about this article. I found it disgusting. It was like reading bad YA fiction with an unreliable narrator rather than an account of real events. Neither the kid nor the author seemed to understand what he'd done wrong which make them both seem dangerous to me.

[@user-ooop]

I didn't even realize this was something real

[@wattthefaqameye1146]

Pretty sure the article repeatedly states he regretted it immediately

[@cam4636]

@@wattthefaqameye1146 Oh golly gee, that fixes everything! If he felt bad after hurting someone else, really he's not to blame for his own actions!

[@wattthefaqameye1146]

@@cam4636 that is not what I said, I was correcting the original poster. Strawmanning is embarrassing stop doing it

[@cam4636]

@@wattthefaqameye1146 Nah, you tried to deflect and minimize. Don't cry when you get caught.

[@GagaLuvr15]

So many kids have actually been "cancelled" (by middle/high school standards anyway) by rumors that weren't true. He actually did something wrong, kept his friends, remained popular and went to four proms. Dude wasn't cancelled at all.

[@iciajay6891]

In my country that dude would have been charged with making and sending child p84n. Because he is over 16. Being 'cancelled' would be the least of his concerns.

[@tahinisauce3595]

I wish I was in your country..

[@iciajay6891]

@@tahinisauce3595 it's Canada.

[@milliedragon4418]

I think it's because he's a minor he won't be charged but if he was over 18 he certainly would have been. But it's still possible he could be charged it certainly has happened.

[@Eosinophyllis]

He might’ve not been charged, though. Speaking with regards to what happened at a Manitoba school regarding AI

[@Showmeromi]

psychedelically beautiful implies she's so beautiful that being in her prescence is like being on drugs. It tries to paint her beauty as so intoxicating that he's almost under the influence when making the decision to violate her. It's a tactic to make him seem like he wasn't on his right mind when doing that and should be forgiven. Like, it's her fault for intoxicating him.

[@theinsanebookworm]

It’s disgustingly disappointing that the “boys will be boys” mentality is still so alive and strong even now. Any type of consequence for their actions is too much for their precious little boys to handle, and they grow into adults continuing to believe that it’s ok for them to view women as less important, less valuable, less worthy of respect. I wish this didn’t keep passing to the next generation, but as long as parents codify and justify their son’s horrible actions it will keep repeating itself.

[@julietfischer5056]

People forget that because 'boys will be boys' they must be taught how to be men. True men, not emotionally stunted manbabies who think women owe them sex and the time of day. Teach the children (all of them) how to live in society with respect and decency towards themselves and each other.

[@Chanta2424]

“Please consider setting aside judgment for just a moment” really caught me. So just because Diego agrees he fucked up means we’re barred from judging him any further? Did the author consider taking her own advice and setting aside judgment for the young girls at this school? No, she didn’t

[@cam4636]

Funny how that happens. Any other crime, they yell about how guilty the suspect is no matter the evidence...then when there's a s*xual charge, suddenly it's "WAIT WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY?!" while dragging the victim through the gutter for speaking up

[@meganvincent5381]

This article should be renamed: local woman discovers whisper networks exist. Good on the girls in the school letting eachother know and keeping eachother safe

[@citrinestone]

Ugh the way she described his distribution of her nudes. "Look. He fuxked up. He knows he fuxked up, y'know? He had a few drinks and - DONT JUDGE - showed a pic to a few friends" like God why don't you just sign up as his defense attorney...oh wait he doesn't need one

[@rowan-priince1860]

This enrages me as someone who experienced abuse as a teenager, from another teenager. Everything is downplayed and you just have to sit there and watch when your abuser does it again to someone else, then they move on with their life with a clean slate when they change schools or graduate. Good for those girls, I’m glad they spread the word.

[@shii9714]

same here, this shit is so infuriating. they always seem to go on to live free from any long term consequences, while their victims still have to carry that pain

[@Elizabeth_Kingston]

There was this guy in my high school he was reported many times and when I say many I mean many for Sexual Harassment. Every girl knew not to hang out with him everyone was warned about him. The school never did anything about him because he was in the JROTC programs and was "important" or something Idk. He only got in trouble in his senior year because he attempted to SA one of his friends who was also in the JROTC programs. But he didn't get in massive trouble(because it wasn't in school campus is what the school said when they were questioned) just had to go to his classes early to make sure she didn't see him in the halls. He was never charged with attempted SA but charged with simple assault. He graduated just fine and he now is in college to be a CHILDREN'S music teacher.

[@Findmy_Way-Home]

All the girls he SA'd should've banned together, led him outside of school one day and should've jumped him

[@user-ot4lx2mj4p]

Im scared for the children i hope they are safe

[@t_ylr]

What in the John Green novel is this!? These are real people. This is unironically victim mentality. Should a 17 year old boy get a life sentence in interment jail for sharing nudes? Of course not, but we should do something. She's making him out to be the victim in the situation when he isn't! He should absolutely have consequences. Why are we downplaying abuse?

[@theflameviper2154]

I know right? I don't care how old he is, he needs to learn not to do shit like that, it's inexcusable and unthinkable to make him out as the victim. But yet the ol "Boys will be boys", "But what about the boy's future?" sentiment strikes again.

[@el972]

JOHN GREEN NOVELLL ugh unfortunately sounds like something borderline John green

[@dlalalabu5956]

Not jail time not expelling from school not this not that than what kind of punishment do you want? Getting a letter from administration?

[@KO-vb4tg]

Let’s give John Green novels some more credit here lol. They have some silly moments, but I don’t think he’d excuse this kind of thing 🤢

[@t_ylr]

@@dlalalabu5956 if it's a habitual issue of be ok with him getting expelled

[@boogiebear3095]

It’s not okay to share nudes of someone, without their permission, *ever*. And the fact that they’re underage is even worse. The way this is described is so odd, on top of that. She’s a human being, yikes. He’s in the wrong. Sigh. The author was in the wrong too. Like no.

[@zammmerjammer]

So, he was "cancelled" for being a shithead. And? I can remember kids in high school being "cancelled" for the following things that were not decisions they made that hurt other people: - having a speech impediment - being an ugly girl - being a fat girl - being a clingy girl (three of those kids actually left school and didn't finish because it was just unbearable for them) I don't recall anyone writing magazine articles about how unjust that shit was.

[@VampireBabysitter]

When I told my friends about my newly ex boyfriend being abusive and forcing himself on me multiple times, nobody believed me. It got around to the entire school and everybody hated me, I ended up dropping out a few months before graduating because I couldn't deal with the hate. Even my teachers started to hate me except for one. Supposedly I was trying to destroy his life and make everyone hate him and I was "using cancel culture to my advantage." Even though he ended up telling our friends everything he did, they didn't care and said it was my fault anyways and it's better to be cautious then believe women who just want to get men in trouble. People talk about hating cancel culture but they really just don't like men being held accountable for harassing and assaulting women

[@KatBlaque]

I'm really sorry you experienced that ♥️

[@VampireBabysitter]

@@KatBlaque Thank you. It was horrible and I appreciate your sympathy especially given that most of the people I considered my close friends didn't give me any. But I would like to state that I didn't post this to vent about my own issues, I just wanted to really show people how far people take their hatred of "cancel culture" as an excuse for supporting horrible people.

[@user-ot4lx2mj4p]

@@VampireBabysitter im sorry i hope you are doing okay :(( how are you doing now?? Im sure you will meet amazing friends who are going to be there for you and will believe you !! Sending love 💌

[@VampireBabysitter]

@@user-ot4lx2mj4p thank you! I'm a lot better now. It's been four years and I haven't needed PTSD medication for awhile. There are still times where I see red trucks and begin to freak out but I'm able to calm myself down. I have my two childhood friends who've always stayed by my side and I've made new friends in college. I appreciate your kind words greatly. It's important for people to know that life does get better even though it can feel like you'll be trapped in a dark spot forever. You can find your way out, just give yourself time and try to be understanding and kind to yourself.

[@MissKashira]

Sharing nudes of underaged people is a felony. There are 13 year old girls charged as sex offenders for sending nudes of themselves and this reporter is upset that he had to live with the consequence of other girls at the high school avoiding him when the consequence on the books is ending up on a registry?

[@bigtats76]

Women should absolutely warn each other about guys that behave poorly. Even if it's not criminal. Like the Trash Tuesday podcast putting Brendan Shaub on blast. Dont ask a woman to "walk me to my truck" if you are afraid the public, or your wife, might hear about it.

[@lizzybennet201]

It's sad/frustrating because the whole promise of the MeToo movement was that these underground networks warning about abusers were supposed to become exitinct, that abusers would be held accountable by those in power. And yet now we're back at the same place, only worse, because even these basic warning systems are under attack.

[@birdiewolf3497]

Just to note, in the past girls that were violated by boys were often the ones ostracized. The girls were the ones that faced the stigma. I remember that vividly. This is a welcomed change.

[@AMNmrrll]

Can't believe they really described this child as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It's weird and grosses me out.

[@loonercolonelist1802]

I've been in similar situations where men have acted with me the way that lots of women describe in their own experiences. The difference is I'm a straight man. If I told my friends or guys I work with, they would have said that I would have been right to respond as disproportionately aggressive or violent as I wanted. In those same situations, women are expected to just take it. That double standard exists because a man's dignity, reputation, sexuality and bodily autonomy are seen as intrinsicly valuable and inalienable, while a woman's are viewed as shared with the male-dominated society she lives in. We keep telling girls to take one for the team and don't make a fuss. We don't do that to men. It’s disturbing and unfair how pervasive that mentality seems.

[@corbanekarel3692]

It happened in front of people who did laugh it off, so frankly, I respect it's your experience and but no, I don't think a man's dignity or bodily autonomy is seen as intrinsically valuable.

[@loonercolonelist1802]

@@corbanekarel3692 Fwiw, it’s happened in both public and private situations as well as at a previous job where someone was manking comments that kept getting back to me. My point is that I'm expected to act like a man which for many people means not taking unwanted advances from another man kindly. They're ok with me thinking selfishly. Often for women, the expectation is that even if it's bad, their supposed to think of what's best for all parties involved, which can mean remaining silent and allowing bad people to skate for the sake of the negative peace in the community and society.

[@Noahyy3]

The author also mentions how the "canceled" boys were mostly POC. However, what was weird to me is that some parents of these "cancelled" boys called the accusers "mini-Karens". To me, this implies that the accusers were white. Earlier in the text, though, the author describes the people protesting as "mostly women and queer people of color." Of course, it is important to think about racial dynamics in these situations, but if the victims were also POC, why was this even mentioned? Besides the questionable topic itself, this was a really confusing read to me. It left me with a lot of questions (like the one I write above) about what really happened. A very badly written article.

[@ReplyGuy22345]

She’s trying to make the Audience ASSUME the accusers are white and are crying wolf

[@NeloBladeOfRanni]

Does a Karen have to specifically be white tbf?

[@itslonda4157]

@@NeloBladeOfRanni yes she does ! Karen is a term that was originally coined by African Americans to refer to white women who use their privilege to put black people (especially black men) in danger.

[@Noahyy3]

@@NeloBladeOfRanni Perhaps not, but the article specifically made a point of how the boys were POC, indicating, at least to me, that white vs. POC racial were described...

[@austincde]

@@NeloBladeOfRanni I think so, it can't just be "any white female that annoys me", it has to specifically apply to an *adult* white woman who uses her positioning to harm black people. Like some of Cosby's victims were white women, that doesn't make them "Karen's" who are trying to "destroy a black man".(edit)

[@Ona1979]

I was harassed by a group of bullies in class, in the presence of the teacher for a month. One of the bullies was sexually harassing me. The last time that it happened, the guy who had been sexually harassing me, put his feet up on my desk. I told him that if he didn't remove his feet from my desk that I was going to stab him in the foot with my pencil. I followed through with my threat and he barely got his foot out of the way. That's when I realized that I needed help. I was on good terms with school nurse and I told her what had been happening. She reported the students who had been bullying me including the boy who was sexually harassing me. I was told that all of those students had been suspended and that the boy who was sexually harassing me, was threatened with expulsion if he repeated the behavior. I was extremely lucky that it went so well for me once it was reported. This was in the early 1990s and I was senior in high school. If I'd succeeded in stabbing that guy in the foot, I could have been the student who was in trouble. If the person who I reported it to, hadn't been sympathetic, I could have been in trouble for making the attempt. The teacher who's class it was happening in, approached me with her tail between her legs, saying that she didn't do anything about it, because she thought that she would have made it worse. Which is bullsh*t.

[@Noahyy3]

Also, the head of the school used this "out-of-control" situation as an excuse to not make any meaningful changes.

[@markel9000]

He violated her privacy and she broke up with him and let people know that he did that and she is the bad guy?

[@reneebear3641]

It becuz cancel culter and he will not get job now and get no money for life!!!1!1!1!11!1!!!1!!11! He cancel cultered 😧😧😧😧

[@satqur]

Actions committed against those lower on the societal totem pole aren't supposed to have consequences, that's Cancel Culture and Woke Fascism and 1984 and, quite possibly, The Real .

[@astridarideout1864]

this reminds me so much of that shit a couple years ago about that college swim team guy who assaulted a girl who was passed out behind a dumpster. everyone wailing about the guy's future, all cause he's being held accountable for his actions

[@austincde]

&I recall,, the guys that pulled him off the victim said they were crying at what they saw

[@Dave102693]

Brock Turner the r3p1st

[@mathiasbartl903]

Are you talking about Brocke Turner the Rapist, gee I wonder what he's up to nowadays?

[@cam4636]

@@austincde I don't know if they said they were crying, but they did say they had to chase him down and grab him to keep him from getting away.

[@ameliasellers6396]

He only got six months as well, if even.

[@rubatozis]

my cousin posted a photo of herself in a suggestive manner and my mom brought it up and i said something like "yeah she shouldnt post it, shes underage and a creepy old man could message her" but then she said "im not talking about that, im talking about how girls post these and then when theyre assaulted the guy is the one in the wrong" i wanted to throw myself off a cliff after she said that

[@melkerahtagadatsoin-tsoin6016]

Ouch !

[@kiaheat1920]

You know, until this moment, I have never wanted to try out the Fist of Love in my entire life….

[@kyleek6152]

love how when women (or any victims honestly) try to support and protect each other its framed as callout culture/cancel culture…as if warning ppl abt someone hasnt been a tactic for ages

[@Skyler_Momoko]

The way the author kept going on and on about how "beautiful" the girl was just made my skin crawl! It doesn't matter if she was the most stunning model on the earth, it was still 100000% his fault and 0% hers.

[@kirstencorby8465]

The implication is her beauty short-circuited his intellect, and he couldn't help but show her pictures. Really troublesome.

[@Skyler_Momoko]

@@kirstencorby8465 yup - thats exactly it.

[@satqur]

9 times out of 10, "cancel culture" seems to boil down to "I did/said awful shit to people I view as lesser and people got mad about it, my actions shouldn't have consequences" The concept of "cancel culture" is a weapon of the powerful, brandished against those more vulnerable than themselves.

[@ErutaniaRose]

I hope to have kids one day, and regardless of gender, they are all learning about boundaries and consent--in age-appropriate language at different stages. My goodness, how hard is it to just teach sons instead of policing daughters? UGH. How hard is it to recognize patriarchy and misogyny literally helps NOBODY, not even the men who perpetuate it? Fuck strict societal gender binary and rules. This crap doesn't need to keep happening. To anyone.

[@Findmy_Way-Home]

Sure, it isn't healthy but it does help the men. This young male (and many others) face no consequences while the girls are left with trauma and public embarrassment b/c of his exploitation of them. Men could always change the patriarchy but they don't want to b/c they know how beneficial it is to them. ''Real men don't cry", men came up w/ that not women, I don't feel sorry for them.

[@cassidytaramusic]

hey, thank you so much for talking about this. I go to one of the schools discussed in the article and the way she described what happened was really harmful and painful to read. I was one of the students involved in organizing the walkouts from my school and I can tell you that the reason we organized it were because we weren't being listened to and we felt unsafe in the environment created at the school. The responses we got and the media coverage like this only served to make it worse for everyone involved and made us feel even more unheard and unsafe.

[@kirstencorby8465]

I'm sorry it went that way. But you women were right to stand up for yourselves. Keep on fighting.

[@justhearmeout3959]

How beautiful is beautiful enough to share? That article begs this question. I'm not conventionally beautiful by any standard, but if I was, and if I had sent nudes to someone - or so someone had taken nudes of me, how beautiful would I need to be in order for people to "suspend judgment for a minute" after those nudes were shared without my consent? Those girls were trying to protect other girls. This wasn't even about him. Or, well, it wouldn't be if he hasn't done something to make them feel they needed to warn others about him.

[@cam4636]

Or, if you're '''''''''ugly''''''''' you should 'feel lucky' that someone wanted your nudes, or else you're overreacting to people violating your boundaries because no one would ever SERIOUSLY want to see your nudes. Either you're an object for lust or an object for ridicule.

[@gorramdoll]

I remember that when the article came out, the author describes Fiona’s appearance in a very specific way but looking at it now, apparently someone complained and got her to vague it up a bit. Glad it was changed but insane that that detail was ever there

[@arandomcatheehee]

We live in a society where teenage girls warning each other is punishable/shameful, but men who violate women are the “real victims” because “she ruined his life!!” I wanna vomit

[@ashleymitchell8344]

i’m a teacher and when i read this article i cried because it was SO similar to the frustrations my female students went through this year. it really made me feel nauseated knowing the author wanted me to empathize with their abuser (who was also my student) it sucked

[@lebou9540]

The description of her looks was rooted in envy. Some older women are like that towards younger women and girls. Like "how dare you not like the attention I'm no longer getting." This is why so women turn the other cheek and/or blame their daughters when they're abused.

[@bossyboots5000]

Ok, that's just gross. And like, internalized misogyny that's then externalized on victims

[@jeanneann3545]

@@bossyboots5000 Im pretty sure its true though. It smells like strong jealousy the way she wrote the article. Maybe in her mind its some sort of harem dating game situation or some bs : 'Wow lot of guys are being crappy to the girls in school, how dare they didn't immediately fall on their knees and lick their shoes!'

[@amethystdream8251]

I’ve had a couple therapists like this. No compassion whatsoever for what I was going through. It’s very insidious

[@samiam2088]

I'm tired of society going to great lengths to protect men's reputations over women's safety.

[@cal.icopen]

Imagine being an adult and calling a child "psychedelically beautiful" to justify her nude pictures being shared around and validate that behavior between men... Amazing. Thanks for the contribution lady. Sure, let's not talk about her feeling violated, the justice she recieved by administrators being SO LACKING she had to seek it herself *with other girls who were also violated mind you* No no that'd be too easy, let's instead talk about how poor wittle boish felt cush they just shawed pictuwes of pwetty girlies UnU they're not to bwame! girlies so pweety and boys sho weakkkkkk 😩😔💘✨

[@shannond1511]

100$ says her son was on the list

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

1,000$.

[@karlab95]

This article is disgusting and I can't understand why anyone would write something like that. So he can share her private pictures with his friends but she isn't supposed to tell other girls he did that???? Absolutely disgusting. The fact that an adult woman wrote that is embarrassing.

[@boogiebear3095]

The girls looking out for one another is both nice to see, but also sad. Because it’s become this bad.

[@kirstencorby8465]

It's always been this way. Girls wet writing lists on walls when I was in high school, 40 years ago. Probably even longer than that.

[@Jenna-in4br]

I feel so bad for the victim. How on earth did the author of this and the guy who did this not see how this was wrong and disgusting?

[@MikewithaK]

I'm a guy. And when I was 17, I was extremely self-conscious about my body, and my public image. Especially when it came to the opposite sex, I wanted to have a girlfriend and I wanted the girls to think I'm cool. If someone took a nude photo of me, and spread it around school, self-harm would definitely be on the top of the list of how I would react. This is the framework we should approach these things, you know ... empathy. I would for sure warn all my friends "this is the a-hole that spread my picture, they suck, stay away from them". Sure its a bit of a revenge mentality, but their life is not ruined, but for sure I would have a hard time trusting people again. Its so stupid and gross that its like "this poor guy, he ruined this girls reputation, and now people think he's a jerk, how aweful it must be for him". Its just stupid and gross, and clearly shows what our society really thinks of women and they role they play in our society.

[@magsyilden670]

Don't share many videos but the insights in this on highschool rape culture and administration failure really personally hit home to me. Love your work

[@SnowWhiteProduction1]

he could’ve ended up in jail, getting “cancelled” is such a small punishment in comparison

[@kylemcvey8895]

These kind of articles are a huge reason why victims everywhere are afraid of speaking out. Not just victims of sexual exploitation, but victims everywhere. I say this as a recent widower, and so many times did the systems fail my partner. Bodies are sacred. They should be treated as such.

[@McFloT]

it's so screwed up and he and his family missed the point, is the lack of repercussions is what made the students "cancel him". He humiliated and betrayed his girlfriend in a vile way, in a way that can cause her conflict when trying to trust future partners and he did not have any type of repercussion from the school or his parents, so they "cancel him". Violated is one way to adequately describe. Violated her trust, her privacy, violated her decision of who can see her naked body One can understands that it did not happen at school, but it is the point of friction of the conflict, because it is where they see each other. The parents should have changed the boy's school or homeschooling him. I think the parents' lack of shame made the situation worse.

[@MissBloopTartVT]

This is the power of language in a nutshell. When you think of the word "psychedelic" what comes to mind? Psychedelic, LSD, hallucinations, tricky imagery, being under the influence of something that lures you out of a sober state of mind. You see, and hear things that aren't there. It distorts your reality. When you take such a word and apply it to the beauty of a MINOR who was betrayed, you're pushing blame on her for even existing around him. You portray her like this greek forest nymph or siren whose dangerous beauty tempts good, honest men. She's seen as an obstacle that the "canceled" sap failed to endure.

[@kirstencorby8465]

It's disgusting.

[@itscris01]

Why the fuck did they write this article like a fanfic and capitalize on her being ‘beautiful’ to try and justify this boy’s actions? I swear, it’s like these people are _constantly_ putting the blame on these women and girls as people who have some kind of force that ‘makes’ men do this and completely absolve them of any responsibility. Like WTF.

[@phonegingi]

"he's just a child, he shouldn't be put through this 🥺" SHES ALSO A MINOR.

[@shayne_has_landed2511]

Shoutout to the girls who put public warnings out for offender boys in their school. I tell you, if I had the names of my friends’ rapists, they’d be done and “cancelled”. Their lives would be over. No teenage offender should get away with assault/harassment because “they’re young and learning”. If they get away with crimes, expect girls to look out for each other and warn other girls.

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

When less than 1% of sexual crimes against women result in a conviction, what other recourse do we have than to do things like this to keep safe? And these were literal *children*

[@katiez688]

The author puts so much emphasis on him sharing the nude of his “beautiful” girlfriend, as if its her fault for just being so beautiful he could not help but share the photo 🤦🏼‍♀️ . Also, this is the classic “lets not ruin this poor boy’s life” response to a young man committing any type of sexual assault.

[@buttershady24]

17 is old enough to do serious harm to others and as well, old enough to be held accountable. Men and boys who violate and/or abuse women need to be held accountable ABOVE ALL. what some people would call "Cancelling" is usually a victims last resort in holding their perpetrators accountable bc there are no other means to do so. It is an act of desperation, which is what these assholes are completely missing. The emotional toll something has to take on someone for them to have to be so desperate for justice that they put it out there is extreme. But these people completely ignore this.

[@BrunoHenrique-wz9tr]

the article is so nasty. i can just picture an old grown man writing about a minor, talking bout "psychedelically beautiful"

[@moustik31]

The author is more like the soccer mom of a "boys will be boys" son.

[@austincde]

"Lolita" basically

[@SpoopySquid]

@@austincde _Lolita_ without the dramatic irony

[@larachaplauske8818]

It's just more victim blaming, because an abusers' feelings are what really matters, right? Disgusting. Rage inducing.

[@austincde]

I'm not well versed in anti-carceral feminist theory & I won't claim to be, but the idea of abuser framing ANY consequences as "the electric chair" frustrates me a lot. I'm very much on board with restorative justice for victims, but that fact that abusers always take the scorched earth approach & would rather keep the status quo is so short sighted & cruel. I feel that applies to a lot of things, abusers snuff out victims instead of getting the equivalent of a paper cut.

[@quirkyblackenby]

Part of restorative justice is taking accountability and apologizing and such. So having people defend an abuser isn’t it. If what he did was wrong then don’t defend him or make excuses. I don’t think he should go to jail or anything. I just want people to let him accept that what he did was wrong and not defend him.

[@austincde]

@@quirkyblackenby yes exactly! (Just to add) The abuser or abuse defender sees how we treat **Innocent** people and sees that as acceptable or inevitable, so would rather scapegoat victims than be doomed to the unknown world of ....possibly apologizing or losing a job

[@nailinthefashion]

it doesn't feel like I'm interacting with the same humans anymore, everything after 2020 has this surrealistic, vague sarcastic wink to it that I can barely take it seriously. like, "you thought that was bad? honey, you got another thing comin-- buckle up!" 😝😉

[@amethystdream8251]

I’d say it was like this before 2020 if you came from a certain type of abusive home, and 2020 onwards is just making the toxicity clear to everyone on a collective level! Pros and cons to learning the truth I guess lol, you gotta know where things are off in order to fix it

[@wenae4184]

I really hate that when a boy sexually assaults or abuses a girl, people tend to phrase their comments regarding the boy in the passive form by saying “his reputation is ruined.” No. He ruined his own reputation. He chose to do what he did. He must live with the consequences. Our communities almost always strip boys of responsibility and involvement when it comes to these situations, and it is extremely frustrating.

[@Ebrill_Owen]

By this article writer’s standards, Brock Turner must also be a victim of cancel culture.

[@naomigray575]

It’s so frustrating that it makes me shake. The system is forever against us and won’t change until we force it to. We have to band together to protect ourselves cause no one will do it for us.

[@pknerdchimera]

Oh nooooooo the girls took steps to ensure that other girls will be informed about dangerous folks for their safety we must think of the person at harm here this is the important thing /s Ouigh ve seeing this be heralded as a 'innocent boy gets cancelled' article is sickening, bc god forbid folks in power are held accountable

[@sigourneybrand5695]

How is a private call out in a girls bathroom ruining this guys life forever? Also inform see how it’s any less reputation damaging to have someone showing your naked pictures around town….unbelievable.

[@LadyJoolree]

I'm wondering if the author's son's name or those of his friends are also on that list. Getting a real whiff of problematic 'boy mom' from this. I really don't understand why you would minimise this behaviour to just a mistake. If admin don't/won't/can't deal with it then the adults around him should takehim to task over it, and not just say 'boys will be boys'. If one of her colleagues had a nude of her and showed/circulated it to other colleagues in her office, would she brush that off as a mistake to protect HIS future? Would the impact to her be insignificant? Knowing that people spoke about and probably judged her body without her consent and showed such a lack of respect or decency would be fine with her? She would have no reason to feel violated? And yet she expects still emotionally developing teenage girls, minors and children, to accept that treatment. Disgusting!

[@julietfischer5056]

The kid graduated before this.

[@LadyJoolree]

@@julietfischer5056 Some of his friends may not have. You're right though, it's highly unlikely. The author seems to be acting like she has some skin in the game though. I'm just overreaching for a reason for her stance!

[@keybyss98]

What surprises me the most is that this was written into New York Magazine and even seemingly supported by the New York Times, two publications (or are they the same publication? I honestly don’t know) that you’d think would actually back up the victims. Maybe I’m wrong, though. This almost sounded like a Joe Rogan podcast, you know?

[@e2strom]

New York Magazine is not related to NYT

[@sagganuts18]

naw NYT is notoriously centrist/ liberal leaning. Their past articles on issues like police brutality is terrifying

[@mariekitty]

Thanks for talking about this , Kat. It’s despicable.

[@frankiemillcarek6976]

Don't forget to call out the missing stairs in your community. Don't wait until your friends suffer at the hands of creeps and expect justice. Society is not giving us justice, so do your best to protect yourselves and others. Vigilante up my lads, lasses, and non-binary asses.

[@jadeybaby166]

Kat, I noticed what you were saying about "i cant believe a woman wrote this". well im 100% sure that it was an editorial decision to give the article to a woman, to be a token defender. to basically say "look these girls are crazy bitches, because look we have this respectable, mature, journalist woman who will tell you how this boys is being unfairly cancelled" No way this wasnt a deliberate, concious editorial decision. Also is it just me that finds it suspicious that suddenly all of the draconion sex crime laws that were notorious for being used against minors having consensual sex, have suddenly vanished in this case.

[@isabellamorris7902]

While I definitely think the writer of the article knew she had more leeway because she was a woman (in the UK we have a LOT of TERFs who trade on this), I'm genuinely not sure if the New Yorker "assign" articles to different journalists or if the writers themselves choose what to write about.

[@kirstencorby8465]

@@isabellamorris7902 Well, this happened at her own kid's school, so I assume she learned of it and pitched the article to the magazine. The editor is the one who really fell down on the job here. This article should never have been published.

[@isabellamorris7902]

@@kirstencorby8465 Yes, that sounds about right. The story would definitely never have made it out there if not for her personal connection

[@kirstencorby8465]

@@isabellamorris7902 It's just a badly written mess on top of its questionable ethics.

[@longlivebeans]

Why the author of this article writing about this like it’s a fanfic? What’s her appearance gotta do with it? Why did we need to know any of that?

[@christophermckeever4760]

Oh wow. I saw this article and didn’t read it, but I felt sympathetic to whoever was cancelled at age 17. Now I know the article is trash. Why do people always point out the worst examples when having “cancel culture” discourse? There are plenty of good examples.