The Mystery of a Woman Being 'Turned On' - Episode 129

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Emerson Eggerichs' Original podcast that we are dissecting and critiquing (clips used based on Fair Use Doctrine where we are providing commentary):
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Connor's post detailing all our problems with Emerson Eggerichs' podcast episode
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Our podcast dissecting a sermon series where Emerson Eggerichs gaslights abuse victims:
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Our Open Letter to Focus on the Family about Emerson Eggerichs and Love & Respect
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Our original series about Love & Respect
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[@Jo-tq9yu]

Okay there is so much illogical contradiction in how so many evangelicals talk about and think about sex. How is it that before marriage, evangelical purity culture talks about sex as this soul-tying, spiritual experience that is a profoundly sacred and intimate act that should only take place within the covenantal, committed, and sacred relationship of marriage, but then after someone gets married these same evangelicals compare it to a mundane chore like taking out the garbage. When they want people to save themselves for marriage they talk about sex within marriage as "Divine" and "Sacred" ("so don't you want to wait to have this glorious experience? and not ruin it by having sex before getting married"), then after marriage the purity culture script is flipped and now sex is supposed to be a sacrifice, a cross to bear, or it's just dwindled to nothing more than simply a physical act, a physical release, a task, with no spiritual or emotional bearing to either recipient. Which is it, evangelicals, make up your mind? Either it is simply physical, or it is a sacred union that intertwines our physical, emotional, and spiritual being. It seems they just flip-flop between the two whenever one is more convenient for their argument at the time. When they don't want you to have sex outside of marriage, they say sex is spiritual and sacred, then these same women who were told this are told after they're married, it's just physical release. The thing is, I think those who say things like Eggerich, reveal the glaring truth of their sordid hearts...and that they honestly do not think there is anything sacred, or spiritual to sex because the simple fact that they show no concern and cannot comprehend why this woman is crying in the shower, shows fundamentally how far their belief system falls from a biblical understanding of sex, and how much they are a stranger to the heart of Christ. If they think sex is merely akin to a chore, that costs nothing to a person emotionally or spiritually, then of course they cannot/will not comprehend the level of pain and grief women are going through under the obligation sex message. The reason sexual assault, obligation sex and any other forms of sexual acts that do not involve someone's free, wholehearted consent, are so traumatizing and damaging is because sexuality is fundamentally connected to our minds and spirits. The way God designed it for both male and female is to be a connection of the physical, emotional and spiritual-- they cannot be separated, and when you try to separate them like Eggerich (and many other evangelical teachers), it will inevitably result in this kind of destruction, toxic outcome, and (in my opinion) callousness. This is the fundamental problem-- that we have split body from spirit in so many of the toxic evangelical teachings. God made us in his image, and part of that is that we are triune too- a unity between body, mind, and spirit. When we try to sever that unity we cannot live in the fullness of how God created us. So any belief system about genders, about marriage, or anything else that endeavors to split body from mind from spirit cannot ever lead to living in the full expression of who we were created to be, in marriage or otherwise.

[@SusanEvans]

Well said!

[@starlingswallow]

💥 BOOM!!!💥 Your comment!!! Yes!! This is what my husband and I were discussing and you said it SO WELL!!! For me, one of my issues with purity culture was I kept being told: sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad....then I got married (he ended up being a covert narcissist posing as a Christian) and I was expected to DROP the whole idea of sex being bad *OVER NIGHT!!!* AND....the church never claiming women have equal rights to pleasure made me believe me never reaching orgasm wasn't a huge deal, oh, and that it only mattered if _HE_ orgasmed. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I was used sexually and it shattered me. THEN I was neglected for years before I left.,

[@lisajohnson4744]

Excellently said! Write a blog! 😁

[@stregalilith]

@@starlingswallowI am so happy you left❤Now you can enjoy the life God intends for you!❤

[@SusanEvans]

"If you take people who are entitled, and you treat them like they should be entitled, they're going to act entitled." "He's been taught to not care that his wife is in emotional turmoil." Great tweetable quotes!

[@tristazerbe8119]

When your hubby gets mad at 22:30 gosh I just want to cheer! If more men were like this the world would be a better place!

[@lidiawangari9031]

Thank you for speaking for so many women who suffer in silence and probably hating God for creating them as women. God is using you to highlight a great evil that has been suffered for too long. I love how passionate you all are.

[@MrsScott-bx8sb]

I was listening to the podcast on the website, but had to come here on KZbin she Sheila's reaction to EE saying you can't know when a woman is aroused!! Oh my gosh! That is totally a collective coffee/tea spitter statement right there! EE is telling on himself.

[@lisajohnson4744]

Yes he is! 😂😂

[@susanpurvis3541]

Oh my gosh. Dying here! 😂

[@ZitaRit5465]

Yes he was, I agree

[@stregalilith]

Obviously EE can’t tell. I can’t imagine him turning any woman on 😂

[@karl4066]

So refreshing to hear this man's confusion make you laugh so hard Sheila. Thank you for everything you do. You are a blessing and a wonderful sister in Christ. Thanks for speaking up. You are making a difference.

[@Blablablahx3]

Sheila 🤣 omg This Eggerichs dude... wow... I just have no words just so much disgust and grief. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH for talking about these things.

[@scotttinervideoeditor5200]

The best part of this video is watching Sheila crack up laughing when they talk about how men don’t know a woman is aroused!

[@stregalilith]

It’s funny but tragic they haven’t been taught how to turn a woman on but tragic when they’ve been taught not to care😢

[@cfrost87]

Keith's face, when conner is mentioning the ovulation window, epitomizes what we are all thinking-- that eggerich is full of bs.

[@kellyestrada2456]

Sheila I thought your head was gonna explode!! I totally agree.

[@alisonbell1481]

Keith, you made me tear up at work today. The power and emotion you expressed telling men that a wife like that is not a "gold mine" but a God-given job to help her heal overwhelmed me. Both joy and sadness, to hear the truth expressed so simply and to be reminded of how basely i was treated by my ex husband. Thank you all for all the work you do.

[@sarahgibbs5616]

Wrong moment to take a drink Sheila. 😂 Great podcast! So appreciate the work you all do!

[@Star-dj1kw]

Emerson refers to this wife who has to initiate sex every 3 days to avoid verbal abuse- Emerson says: “… if we suffer for righteousness, then it leads to rewards; this leads to the blessing of Christ on our lives.” This is a wicked husband. There is nothing righteous about submitting to selfishness, abuse, and evil. The Bible teaches us to RESIST EVIL. Eggerichs does not understand the sin and evil and God’s hatred for abuse!

[@michelleross6769]

Thank you for continuing the conversation. I love the work of Clifford and Joyce Penner. You guys rock!!

[@missp498]

Omg you people are doing so much good with this. I found it so sad though it almost made me cry when you have to spell out that all people want to be loved and respected regardless of their gender.

[@brendabaum6442]

Excellent podcast. I’ve recommended this to many women. I pray for change.

[@ArtistLynneSleiman]

Spitting out your drink was the best response!!😅 This is so good

[@micahbush5397]

30:42

[@michellebouman894]

It would be interesting to see a chart of the parallel messages that men have been taught vs what women have been taught.

[@flashlitestriker4028]

ABSOLUTELY! I would LOVE to see a chart like that, myself!

[@MalloryNewcomb]

Oh YES! The older I get the more I realize that men may not know what women get taught like they don’t tend to expect so much of women, but women were taught that way

[@melodysaunders3961]

Thank you. I used to read his books and felt lost and unloved.

[@elisabethfung658]

I grew up in the US Midwest in a fundamentalist church. The women who came of age during the sexual revolution, women like my mom and my aunts who are now in their 70s formulated negative attitudes toward female sexual pleasure and orgasm as a backlash against cultural and political changes. They identify with these binary teachings from L&R because shutting down sexual pleasure was a way to demonstrate their moral superiority to "secular " women. I have actually had conversations with these women in the last year where they equate female orgasm and pleasure with perversion and immorality. For them, women who experience orgasmic pleasure are selfish and immoral because sex is a sacrifice given to your husband and the joy of sex is only in motherhood. It was mindblowing but now I have a context for how Christians veered so far off the mark of Biblical sexuality.

[@SusanEvans]

Wow, that is so heartbreaking for those women!

[@flashlitestriker4028]

Wow! Makes tons of sense!

[@lisajohnson4744]

Wow, what a sad commentary on our willingness to learn truths.

[@luckystoller6171]

How sick and how sad.

[@stregalilith]

GASP!!!

[@cam632]

Shelia, your laugh is so contagious. I was laughing right along with you all the way😂

[@starlingswallow]

If these authors would humble themselves and think "maybe what I've been believing and teaching is wrong"...it would be a Godly position to take. I think Ego's are running high and it's sad and upsetting. I'm honestly praying for these men!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@lorimayberry3534]

I was laughing so hard right along with you, Sheila. Hilarious. Great podcast. So many laughable moments. It's therapeutic! Thanks for what you do.

[@martinabakker3368]

Good timing to have a sip of your tea! I watched the bit several times. haha For the rest, a very good potcast, getting into the deeper problems under the advices. And since when is praying together a turn-on? That is not a red flag, but a red sheet!

[@michellebouman894]

The part where he talks about scripture and "holy women" and suffering, does he even hear what he's saying?!? Where in scripture does it say a woman should suffer in having sex with her husband? Any man that feels fulfilled and satisfied by this kind of sex is either really really lost or disgusting. Don't they realize by talking about sex this way they make it painful and disadvantage BOTH men and women?! It's one thing when God asks you to do something difficult but sex isn't and should NEVER be that thing.

[@brighidmcmullen9577]

Clearly the man has never read Song of Songs. 😒 & that verse is taken so far out of context it's not even funny. That verse is about sharing the Gospel (God's love) despite persecution. It is not about enduring abuse and harm at the hands of not only someone who loves you but also claims to be a Christian as well. E.E. is not a Christian at all. "You will know them by their fruit" e.e.'s fruit is poison.

[@chelseal654]

What a delight to wake up to! Love you all!

[@BethKowieski]

Thank you thank you thank you. I’m crying with tears of pain and laughing with tears of gratitude. God Bless you and your family. Keep pressing on! Keep persevering. This all matters eternally.

[@emmafriesen9073]

The reaction just after 30:46... Priceless!!

[@fujiapple9675]

Comedy *GOLD!* The laughter continues after Connor's blunt, "No," at 31:56. 😂

[@MalloryNewcomb]

Dr Keith: Tell me when we’re gonna return to the actual podcast Sheila: oh were in it were in it 😂😂

[@Star-dj1kw]

If anyone wants to listen to the original podcast from the Love and Podcast about the lady who cries in the shower it’s from April 10, 2015 episode 39. I can’t BELIEVE they didn’t remove this episode out of horror of embarrassment.

[@fayreVT]

EE says, "If we suffer for righteousness..." and yet precedes that with, "Is anybody reading the scripture? She's not tortured here, this is not a situation where she's being crucified." 1. I would love for him to clearly define his line between suffering and being tortured... otherwise he is contradicting himself. 2. Um, EE, are YOU reading the scripture? No, really, are you? Not with a heart of stone, but with a heart of flesh... because the Word of God is living and active, and the Holy Spirit gives discernment which he greatly lacks. 3. Not "ALL of the scripture" talks about unfair situations (btw, that's an absolute), but a good bit of it talks about loving well. 4. I will agree with him that a lot of women may be well-rewarded for the suffering they endured at the hands of their husbands... but wouldn't it bring God much more glory to have a loving husband show his wife great love as an earthly example of Christ's love for us and for wives to love their husbands back, too? Christians are to win unbelievers over with their light and good deeds, not in how husbands coerce and scripturally abuse their wives. How many people has EE turned away from God by his abuse of scripture? 5. How many unmarried women have seen a man vacuuming and found themselves unable to contain their sexual feelings? His poor wife... I'm quite sure, in his experience and with his behaviors, that a wife doesn't desire having sex but merely puts up with it.

[@lisajohnson4744]

Yes, he told on himself quite clearly!

[@stregalilith]

How perfectly you expressed the truth!

[@Ashley_jd]

I’m living for Dr Gregoire not being able to stop laughing about Eggrich not knowing it can be known that a woman is turned on 😂 I was right there with her 😂😂

[@lifewillbebetternow]

Keep up the good work! 👍👍❤️

[@Ishtabest]

THANK YOU

[@lisajohnson4744]

So … you can’t tell when a woman is turned on (but then you’re supposed to “pay attention to the things that turn her on,” like you *doing housework*?!) and a woman really only wants sex about three days a month … telling on yourself much, Emerson?

[@stregalilith]

The description of marital sex by EE in the woman crying in the shower situation is very like the way pimps break women they are trafficking according to the victims I have interviewed.

[@sherylj586]

Is Mr. Eggerich married?!! If so, they do not have a healthy marriage. 😢

[@Wiseman3383]

In this episode it was mentioned that a previous episode would be in the links where you guys had a Greek expert on. What episode was that? I can't seem to find it in any version of the show notes.

[@fayreVT]

Not sure if it's the right one, but maybe try this? kzbin.info/www/bejne/r4GTg2V8r7yEr8U

[@melodykubiak5850]

I tried to leave this comment on the My Reply to The Transformed Wife: No More Obligation Sex! A Better Look at 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 video but I can't hear the sound on it. (I have no trouble with this video's sound) This was said to me in a conversation about duty sex: "I know many women who yielded to duty sex "cheerfully" (not reluctantly nor resentful) and in the process testify that they ended up liking it more. What started out of sheer obedience to God's word and sacrificial love yielded an unexpected reward." Does that ring true when thinking of the statistics you've acquired from Christian women?

[@Summerhaven97]

Waiting for when Emerson goes to prison

[@starlingswallow]

I was married 14 years and I believe my ex (who is a narcissist) only _actually_ touched my "area" twice, with his hands. It was like he was afraid of my lady-bits.😳 Also, 4 years in I broke down and shared with him I had never orgasmed....his response? Nothing. Nada. He didn't get angry, he didn't sit and talk with me, he didn't ask what he could do to help me find pleasure as well... which said to me "I don't care at all about you." Crying in the shower. My goodness, I relate to the woman who wrote the letter. 😞😭 God brought a man into my life who I am now married to. He explores my body, as I explore his, he is safe, it is all an adventure. He has been patient as I've worked through my issues from abuse in and out of the bedroom. Love, acceptance, kindness, patience... SAFETY! Suffering for Christ. Oh, man. I believed this for a long time as well. 😞 there is SO much in this that you guys are touching on and I'm so grateful!!!! Sheila, if I had your number I would have been blowing up your text inbox this past Saturday night because I had a HUGE breakthrough in the bedroom (if you get what I mean 🥰) and I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lisajohnson4744]

I’m happy for your breakthrough! ❤️😂 I can relate to the idea of the guy being “afraid of your lady-bits.” When we had been married just a few months and were sitting in a counseling session, my husband told our pastor that he considered sex to be “a dirty job.” He denies remembering this, but believe me, I remember! 😡

[@lisajohnson4744]

And yes, we were already seeking counseling after only a few months!

[@jasonsamuel6601]

If you never get pleasure from penis I think you are not straight just my opinion