The Topic I've Spent 12 YEARS Avoiding! - Episode 74

[@Afro-Capitalist]

As a man the best way i addressed my wife low libodo was to remove things in her life that were taking up her time energy and stress. So like giving her the option to be a stay home mom and changing my career to be home more. Has changed out sex life drastically.

[@w.jackvancreaser365]

👍 I don’t know how you did it but I am truly impressed by your life choice and I am encouraged by your hearts ability to live for your wife in such a ( other centered way)

[@FireflowerDancer]

Way to take care of your lady ❤❤ That's wonderful. Yes, excessive stress can be one of the top intimacy killers for us women.

[@marie33135]

I just had this thought-I wonder how many non-evangelical people think it’s weird and creepy for anyone to tell anyone how often to have sex. If you grow up in a church that explains how marriage “should be”, it feels normal, but I wonder how many people grew up with the idea that each couple’s choice is no one else’s business and how creeped-out those people would feel. And I love the statistics because they show reality instead of opinion-the books might say that 2x a week is normal, but the real norm is 1.

[@deanfehr9445]

I don’t think once a week is normal either. Many marriages are totally sexless. I would say we have a great marriage but I feel the frequency is initiated by the women. In our case it is sexless. I don’t believe that’s healthy but also don’t have a resolution.

[@marie33135]

@@deanfehr9445 I was referring to the statistics in the podcast, but you are right that your situation also happens a lot ☹️.

[@MatthewDowell]

If you're trying to follow along. This is Episode 72, (not 74) according to the podcast.

[@starlingswallow]

My hubby and I are once a week but if it boops up to twice a week, that's great! We are constantly kissing, touching, cuddling throughout so it's a build up to that intimacy and it's lovely! ♥️🥰

[@forte642]

This is really great. Been married 35 years and had a crisis of revealing of a porn addiction 20+ years ago. Higher drive than my wife, and although I have not pouted and manipulated, I have carried disappointment for years that I have tried to deal with (and through counseling I have definitely learned a lot about my own psyche). Your book (great sex rescue) coupled with a book called “nonviolent communication” has helped me to actively listen to others with a understanding, esp my wife, esp around the topic of sex. I had felt unloved and undesired by her to the point when she would initiate it felt like duty sex, so I actually could not become aroused even after a week or two of waiting for it. I have always sought to please her first but she is ok with once per month and tells me she is happy with sex. I think she has sensed some of my disappointment so she has felt bad in some way, so I have been trying to understand her feelings about many tough things she has been carrying. As I have tried to put ZERO pressure or expectation on sex, I think she has relaxed about it as well, and I feel my own desire coming back as well. I have really tried to understand if I have been equating desire with objectification and I’m still not sure what to do with my urges, but I usually just set aside my urges and try to be available to be emotionally available instead. Jury is still out but trying to wait to see if this is the right way to think about all if it since I know I contributed to her feelings of inadequacy years ago, and although I don’t use her as my methadone, she has dealt with a lot of stress in different ways that I might have been not listening as I should have all along. Thank you for what you’re doing.

[@cfrost87]

There's another channel that I like to watch, Tiffany Dawn, and they talk a lot about similar things.

[@MissGhan]

So how does one fix the satisfaction piece? Any tips?

[@marie33135]

My brain does not process, “you don’t love me” after FEWER THAN 24 HOURS. That’s abusive. And...does “zed” mean “zee” for Unitedstatesians?

[@estherwaters2218]

I think Canadians said zed.. we don’t say that in the US lol

[@cfrost87]

Zed= letter Z

[@Michelle-by9fp]

Why are you in a closet? Lol

[@marie33135]

They said on another podcast that the sound recorded better in the closet.

[@starlingswallow]

@@marie33135 that makes sense! All those clothes to muffle echo 🤣

[@jedward5155]

10:20 Men use porn because they are not sexually satisfied. There are extreme cases where that is not necessarily true, but the overwhelming number of cases are going to be because men are not getting the type of sex they desire and/or the frequency they desire. I am not taking any side here. I am not saying anything is right or wrong. I am stating facts. You can disagree, but that won't change the reality of existence. A man who is sexually satisfied has no need for porn.

[@chettajohnson5261]

A real man doesn’t hold the threat of watching porn over his wife’s head. You definitely are taking a side btw

[@marinae1495]

I disagree. Porn isn't sex. It's this illusion. It's not real & and unfortunately, it perverts our minds. The sex scenes we see in movies are not real. But when we are addicted to porn It's a drug. A person can hate they are addicted, experience great sex in real life and still have issues with not being able to stay away from porn. Porn is a horrible, horrible drug.

[@heatherluna5075]

Listen to Dr. Finlayson Fife🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍