Dealing with Fear | Oil Painting + Chat

Today I’m doing a timelapsed 3-ish hour oil painting study of an expressive man in armor, while informally chatting about the reference photo shoot and about dealing with insecurity as an artist.
My Gear + Materials:
Surface: 5x7 inch Ampersand Value Series hardboard panel, www.dickblick....
Easel: Sienna Craftech Large Pochade Box, www.dickblick.... (accessories other than the glass palette are sold separately)
Oil paint brands: Sennelier, Winsor & Newton, Daniel Smith, Grumbacher, Williamsburg, Rembrandt, and Gamblin
Medium: Liquin (aka earwax of the gods)
Brushes: Blick Masterstroke, Daniel Smith
QotV:
“When you talk to someone who’s afraid of painting, you might find some of your own excuses and faulty reasoning that you’ve been using to stop yourself are echoed back in the other person’s words. And outside of the echo chamber that is your own head, it can almost sound ridiculous.”
Website: www.sheppard-arts.com
Instagram: @sheppardarts
Music by me
Love + Thanks again to all my viewers and subscribers!

[@lsenchuk]

No one would ever guess that you fear public speaking. You sound so joyous and engaged with each of your videos. You also have a wonderful cadence to your speaking voice that makes me hang on every word. Thank you.

[@donalddolton4578]

I've been drawing commissioned portraits for about 30 years in conte or pastel pencils on the side, mostly in the form of retirement drawings I call "Honor Portraits", while I pay a mortgage and support a family with my day job. When you talk about fear, I have this block of being able to launch out and earn a living solely on my artwork. Now I'm 3 years away from retirement age when I feel I can safely make the leap. That's why I subscribed to your channel, to be inspired to enjoy the process and find 'joy in the journey.' I love your style and the confidence you convey through your studies.

[@bernardpaulbrown3166]

Cynthia, your speaking voice is a wonderful compliment to your informative videos. I find your voice to be soothing and easy to listen to, as opposed to some presenters whose voices become too much after a few videos. You don't stammer, stutter, or use ums and ahs. Thanks so much!

[@TheCthogua]

Thank you for these video's Cynthia! They're great, and in particular your talk about overcoming fear via mentoring really struck home for me. Around 2014 I was laid off from my job as an Environment Artist in the game industry (this was after a particularly brutal studio collapse in 2012 I hadn't really recovered from) and after a couple of failed art tests and rejections I really lost almost complete confidence in myself as an artist, and in a lot of assumptions I had made about putting in work, etc and became really bitter and pretty hopeless. My wife (who SOMEHOW stayed with me through all of this) and I moved back in with my parents in Colorado who very graciously let us stay in the basement apartment under their house. Things got a little darker with more failed art tests and I just didn't know what to do anymore. Then I got a job writing a course on shader authoring in Unreal 4...then they wanted me to teach the class, which was supposed to be online only, but at the last second turned into a real IN PERSON class. I'd never taught professionally and was a little terrified that I was going to have to fill 3 hours at 8am every other day for 8 weeks with knowledge that I supposedly had. However, after diving into I started to realize/remember that I had quite a bit of knowledge and experience (almost 10 years in the game industry) and started to become more confident that I actually did know what I was talking about, I did know how to make game art, I did know how to make just interesting art in general...I also discovered that if I didn't know something I could just dig into the internet, study, and learn it. At that point my confidence started to return, the hopelessness gave way, and purpose returned. Shortly after that I got picked up by Runic and moved up to Seattle! (RIP Runic. They were fantastic to me and I got to work on an amazing project. I've since moved on to another studio and am looking forward to the future!)

[@SheppardArts]

Djim Ball wow, what an amazing story, and thank you so much for sharing it. I'm glad you worked your way through the frustrating period and came out on the other side more confident and cheers on your next big adventure!

[@aurorarain1265]

Spot on! There's usually always someone worse off than ourselves. Love your work! Wind Dancer....on your website...fav! Thanks for sharing!

[@truenorthtarot]

Cynthia, this video literally just pulled me out of a mini "I am the worst artist in the world" melt down. Just started my first ever oil portrait after exclusively painting still life for years because I was afraid of painting portraits. It's just great to know that everyone gets this way and pushing through is the only way out. 😁. Please keep making this kind of content the artist community need more contributers like you.

[@SheppardArts]

That alone makes making this video worth it. Glad it helped! :)

[@paulbongiovanni4676]

Public speaking is the most feared activity by most people. I remember the many Rotary type luncheons I was asked to speak, representing “the not for profit” organization I worked. I was so distraught I could not eat. Of corse the more I spoke the less anxious. What helped most was when I conducted training programs. For some reason I anticipated some participation by the audience which really relaxed me. Today, I am generally very confident and like addressing crowds. You are an amazingly articulate teacher. Someday, without realizing it, you will look forward to public speaking. By the way, what was the word you had to spell?

[@milapesic8638]

Nice talk about facing fears. I also agree about mentor/mentee talk, we can hear the words we say to other people that we hardy ever tell to ourselves. Because after all we are our own worst and hardest judges. Great study, I love his expression :)

[@PixelMoshpit]

Thanks for sharing Cynthia, I truly appreciate you exposing your doubts and fears. I relate to the issue of fear and anxiety in art and life. I've had an obsession with "Bravery" in painting. Courage is generally associated with some valiant effort by a knight on a horse saving the damsel in distress but it boils down to overcoming the voice that tells us we "can't" or are not worthy. I have a hard time just putting strokes down because I've built a wall of expectations around myself. I've struggled with being to ridged in my work and not exposing myself to failure. Running away from what will actually make us stronger, facing and conquering our fears. Some may laugh at "painters being brave" but it boils down to being able to step into the arena of mental difficulty and take a couple swings. It's nice to hear that others share that same fear or anxiety even when they're far into a successful career! You might almost think we're normal to! Thanks again for sharing!

[@misspencilpixie]

I was one of the people who asked for a video on confidence/fear, and I'm very grateful for this resultant vid! I've started my own oil painting study today, one of many I hope to complete in the future, just to get my fingers messy again without fear of screwing up. I like your idea of 'painting your fear', I can instantly conjour up some images in my head relating to that.

[@spencerjohnson925]

I would really love to see your idea about public speaking. I struggle with it as well, it's my biggest weakness. Looking forward to more vids!

[@_george84]

I love seeing the process, especially how you made the plate armor and its "chrome" surface come to life

[@marcelamedeiros9524]

Recently I dealt with a frustating result with a painting I wanted so much to be great and this made me doubt if I would ever evolve as fast as I want on my paintings... wich caused me ansiety crisis. But then I watched the "Starting Over" video + this one and these helped me a lot. By seeing a great inspiration like you showing that this is actually part of the learning process made my days a lot lighter. :) So thank you for sharing your thoughts, Cynthia

[@eduardoclark]

What a nice surprise to have this many videos after a long time of waiting! I was curious for a long time after I saw your first video here, I'm really glad that I've subscribed at the time, hoping that this day would come when you would give us more gems like this. True inspiration for aspiring artists like me. Thank you! And the format is awesome too, breaks a little with the pattern we're used to see around. Thank you again!

[@BartoszBeda]

Very nice channel and paintings. Look forward to see more.

[@rutbrea8796]

Cynthia you are a great story teller and also a great artist. I love your videos. Your sensitivity astonishes me. Thank you for sharing your videos and your teachings.

[@devillbiss472]

thanks Cynthia , video was brilliant and your story really hit home for me, drawing has never been a problem for me but i seem to always have some excuse not to paint it in oils . i believe i have just been given my way forward,

[@bernadettekendell1176]

like the voice over much better ,most artists cant paint and talk at the same time and they tell you what but not how or why they are doing what they are doing.Your channels great because you have the time(aka;script)and can plan what your going to say and dont improv.Keep doing what your doing.great work btw

[@timothythomas7222]

That was wonderful advice! It's funny because I feel like what you did with your fears is what I do with my art. I have all this anxiety about not being good enough to do art, but when a friend has the same anxiety, I'm there ready to give them the smack down on how they're wrong and they're doing great and why they should have nothing to fear. Maybe I should listen to myself next time.

[@lob152]

What a great video and what a fantastic format! Loved the topic, I never realized how afraid I was about making art until I went and tried to tackle a painting using a reference photo I'd used before, and then completely broke down because I was terrified I'd "never be able to capture what I did the first time" again. It makes me feel better that no one is really immune to it, but there's still ways to work around it so you end up learning and getting better the next time around...thank you for sharing your experience with us

[@JeanMoore]

Really inspired by this format of painting and chat. Thanks for being vulnerable.

[@vigtoria8123]

Your videos are so amazing. I hope you keep posting ❤️❤️

[@vineetakumar3433]

Thanks for sharing Cynthia! I love the format of these videos. I recently started my first formal oil painting course and your videos have been very inspiring. And your voice is quite calming. That's a plus for me 😁

[@aimeefritz9186]

So much wisdom and beautiful painting in one video! Thanks for sharing (:

[@grenader6409]

Very inspiring videos! Thank you Cynthia for sharing your knowledge.

[@christiankeogh4166]

Great video! Love to see you posting more regularly.

[@camihkas]

i really love your chats, they help me a lot with all my work to get done well, thanks for the wisdom and for share your work you dont know how much i aprecciate it

[@PurplePastaNoms]

Great video! I really liked your advice on painting out your fears and I really want to practice that myself, I think it'll do a lot of good. Love your art, and I'm looking forward to more of your videos in the future! :)

[@ARNOLDKEITHDIXON]

When painting portraits I experience difficult identifying the subtle warm and cooler areas of the skin tones and translating that into a clear brush stroke. At first a cheek area, for example, can appear fairly uniform until I tilt my head or look at the model in a mirror. Then I see the gradations better. You make it all look so easy, May I ask you to comment upon "modelling "with value and temperature? Your videos re really instructive. Thank you.

[@cyrotas]

Really glad you're doing videos again. Keep it up :)

[@PeteDimitrov]

Love those videos! Thank you very much Cynthia, you are my hero.

[@artbysamwhite2211]

Great chat as always Cynthia, We should start a discord so any of the followers here can join and get a critique group going

[@JoaoTakada]

thanks Cynthia for the chat videos, real helpful :)

[@DigitalArtcast]

Another amazing video I would still love to get you on the podcast to talk more in depth about your process 😊 keep it up!!

[@juliahavener4318]

Thanks for another awesome video! I really enjoy your themes and conversation along the way. I would totally buy you coffee and talk art for days. I would love to see a bit more of how you interact with your palette. I saw you set up your colors in a previous video and I know you like liquid...but I am curious how you mix your medium and paints. I'm excited to see you uploading regularly and my partner and I often watch together.

[@SheppardArts]

Julia Doyle good news! This Sunday's video will have a more in depth look at the palette and process. Thanks for the kind words- I do love my Liquin, (and coffee!)

[@qasimart1643]

I hope you keep posting 👍🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[@slytoffcntr]

Great work and an inspiring video! Thank you for your insight!

[@mkcastaneda3710]

So great!!! Do you give workshops Cynthia? I love your work!

[@davidlivesay1223]

Really enjoy watching these. I've been using liguin allot more. But, Lord, it's fumey. lol

[@TheDoerf]

Thank you Cynthia for sharing your knowledge.

[@Schmooplzzz]

My fears have always been any kind of judgement I could receive on my work, or frankly painting what I want and others looking down on it. I already have a huge self judgement issue that I didn't want to deal with others critiquing and me not being able to handle it, or frankly, think I'm weird because of the concepts I enjoy. I've been working on it, and I'm even tackling my newest fear of actually painting over sketches. I have a tendency to sketch and detail it even if it's originally a painting, and then I never color it so it doesn't meet its full potential. So today I started one on the Mask of the Red Death. I had originally done a drawing on the Phantom of the Opera version but I wanted to paint the grotesque version as well. I even posted it on instagram to overcome my fear of judgement. I paint dead people. lol. Deal with it.

[@JFBArteist]

Rhis is a well done and entertaining video of a well done painting. Thank you.-

[@QBEN25]

You speak to my heart.

[@valstrom7672]

I wonder why most of us artists deal/have dealt with anxiety.. hope you're doing well, Cynthia. God bless you

[@missponeyexpress]

I used the traductor in french in subtitle, and I enjoy listen discover and see your video, you say exactly what I am felling, the doubt, but you are positive and you communicate this..; my english is bad, thanks for your video..french fan...

[@LillenArt2]

It makes me happy to see more artists embracing all mediums including digital. Might I recommend a free program called OBS (Open Broadcaster Studio)? It's typically for live streaming but you can also use it to capture Photoshop, your webcam, etc. After that I edit the video with Adobe Premiere.

[@SheppardArts]

Thanks for the program recommendation! I've been trying to record audio in to Logic and screen-record photoshop with quicktime but I'm worried about running those three programs together for too long. If OBS can capture audio I'll give it a whirl.

[@godiejosef3788]

Ang galing galing mo Chyntia saludo ko sau

[@qasimart1643]

😩😩😩 you are very very very creative

[@goldfish1871]

I noticed that you had a back lit portrait on your shelf (in intro). Could you do a time lapse on another back lit portrait study? I really need help with painting back lit portraits

[@yokani3482]

always love hearing from you! I was wondering if, assuming you have the time, would you ever be interested in doing critique videos of your viewer's work? I've been trying to find places to get honest critique on my stuff but I find it really hard for some reason. It would be wonderful to hear how you would suggest improvements! (also I can't wait to see digital from you as well, but honestly watching your oil painting is so mesmerizing)

[@SheppardArts]

KLH Illustration thanks for your question! I used to do livestream critiques a few years back, and it's a possibility for the future- glad to know you're interested. Failing that, I find small groups of people with different strengths are the most helpful, rather than huge groups, just for a better signal-to-noise ratio. So if you already know a few folks, maybe reach out to them and try to start your own thing?

[@canalcerrado2433]

Thanks for the video

[@georgedoros351]

Can talk about your color mixing with skin tones.

[@harperbye]

Please come back

[@michaelmartinez8588]

I like your work. But I find myself wondering how much actual real time did you spend on the armored swordsman. I want to paint and wonder if I should concentrate on speed.

[@SheppardArts]

Michael Martinez I had a sign on my easel for a long time that said "don't rush." Speed comes with time, and I feel it's best to concentrate on process and technique first. These studies just take a few hours but they're not a great look at the whole journey. Thanks!

[@Ramesh_009]

nice

[@r6Lucky]

Your voice tho! Xoxo

[@richardrosa7321]

What if you're afraid of having nothing to paint?

[@jonpintar]

Stop drinking coffee. It makes anxiety worse.

[@richardseekins24]

Please don't do digital painting, I paint to get away from technology..paint, brushes and canvas..done