Should I Charge My Son Rent To Live With Us?

[@Mr_Fairdale]

Stepdad just don’t like him. Been there unfortunately

[@hennessyblack5891]

I was thinking that

[@dylangreen8018]

Yeah definitely

[@birthdaycakeremix1]

For sure been there

[@Tashas_Travels]

For me it's the other way around , it's my evil stepmother

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Yup, he really just wants him out. That will be his next move.

[@TheBigExclusive]

Only in the USA is it common for Parents to kick their kids out as soon as they turn 18. In Asian cultures, it's common to have a multi-generational households. Grandparents, parents, and kids. Everyone helps out as best they can. It forms tight family bonds. Kids aren't forced to move out (unless they want to) until they get married and find their own place with their partner. And even then they might live nearby just to be near their parents. And if anyone is in trouble, then they can always return home and be welcomed.

[@jordanlako3843]

Yes

[@mohitnikumbh593]

I come from such a culture and I think the worst thing is most young adults (age 20+) are too dependent on their parents. Helping out your kids until they are 18 or maybe 20 is fine but it is also important for kids to start their journey to become independent as soon as possible. I have many friends (age 25+) still living with their parents and dependent on them for daily needs.

[@mightybmx2900]

I know of people with kids who are married and have their own kids still living with them, can't imagine that being too good

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

As an Asian myself, it is just our cultural trait and no one will accuse me or many fellow Asians of being lazy since we work hard and also help pay the bills at home.

[@jrwntctv8091]

If you're smart, you stay single...

[@jimkofron8638]

Lol. Once my youngest finished coding school, I let him live rent free for a year to SAVE. I viewed it as giving him a gift. Plus he was able to have health insurance on my plan. He got a job and saved 40k before he moved out. He is debt free and now living on his own making over $75k and pays cash for everything. At 21.

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

As an Asian, I approve :)

[@RobTzu]

@@whatevergoesforme5129 Good job bringing in Race for no reason what so ever.

[@cocobutterchin6768]

The best way to do it. You are a Blessing

[@Tintintanabulation]

​@@RobTzuPointing out the differences between cultures is not "bringing in race" its showcasing the benefits of other ways of interacting with family.

[@stephenrussell9545]

Hey, I think I might like your plan better than mine! We still have a highschool student, so we still have time to decide on this.

[@christinadavis7000]

I don’t believe parents should charge their kids rent, especially if they’re in school. Being a student is a full time job and the kids should be focused on that. If they’re working, money should be saved for life after college. Set your kids up for success, not struggle.

[@hennessyblack5891]

Yes yes yes 👏

[@hennessyblack5891]

You are a great person

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

This is the Asian way. And nobody will accuse us Asians as being lazy. We are also more successful on average.

[@robertguidry2168]

I agree, but as John said, there needs to be an exit plan.

[@hyui5096]

I disagree. I think this is true for full time education upset of University. I don't know what kind of privileged background you grew up in but legit most people have a part time job and get a student loan to support themselves threw college and I think that not charging them rent is great for certain situations but should not be a expectation at all. If increase the likelihood of teaching bad habits. I think it would be way better if someone really wanted to support their kids and teach them good habits is to charge them a small amount of rent and but that into a savings account for their future house. Setting your kids up for success is putting them threw struggles. If someone has not learned how to handle the struggles of life then they will have a rude awakening when they grow up. At least when they struggle in University you are there to help them out when they fail. But once they are in their 30's then it is almost certainly too late.

[@shebsheb8850]

honestly, concepts like moving out as soon as you graduate are only that common in the US. Flying the nest isn’t that early anywhere else, and I don’t think there’s any country other than the US where charging your son to live with you actually exists

[@fauxbro1983]

Well thats why america rules the world.

[@notabannedaccount8362]

That's because we're not Communist.

[@kiidpoh]

Exactly like i get that it teaches valuable lessons but as long as theyre not lazy and understand the importance of finances i dont think its necessary to rush them into things but also never spoil them

[@jenscheibner792]

and your point is???

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Other countries also charge 50% in taxes and imprison you for having the wrong haircut. Part of being American is being independent. No better time to start than at 18.

[@tgundy2296]

My suggestion is: to charge a very minimal and unburdensome amount, maybe like $200/month or something depending on the kid's maturity level and work ethic. Then, set aside that money to give back to them in 1-2 years when they leave the house (assuming they are still behaving and moving forward with their lives and not being kicked out). Granted, I have no kids of my own it's just what I would do.

[@mattlol163]

thats exactly correct. i completely agree

[@CallHerCassie]

Agree - even if you set aside half of it for them

[@thaisrutman8994]

That’s is a good option. But please put on a high savings account or some kind of investment.

[@A-t-r-u-s]

My parents charged me around that much but I never got it back. Which is fine, learned quickly how to be financially responsible.

[@alexjlytle]

Yeah I know my maternal grandparents did that for my mother. The money went towards her wedding gift later in life. Seems like a good approach

[@k.alvarado6237]

I’ll support my kids through their college years, as long they are making the right decisions.

[@Originalman144]

No, don’t charge him rent. Help him put together a savings plan so he can move out. Track the savings and put a timeline for him to depart.

[@Aquariuswonder86]

Exactly

[@Bock728]

Great idea

[@Scarface_445]

I think either one works, also it’s a plural decision. Her and her husband BOTH must decide

[@dnah02]

I paid rent my mom did it to teach me the value of money and that no where is rent free.

[@amirtz3342]

Charge him and then return a portion once he moves out!

[@johnmartin4641]

Absolutely not. He’s going to college to try to better himself so he can get a high paying job and support himself and his future wife and kids with a good life after he graduates. Don’t make it more difficult for him. Let him focus on his grades. If you charge him rent, that cancels out the advantage of him living at home and makes it pointless. As Dave would say, “sell the husband”.

[@pattersonellen]

Yes, hemay as well houseshare with friends with same rent

[@semosancus5506]

They are talking about charging him rent when he graduates.

[@megalodon1726]

@@semosancus5506 They're talking about charging him when he graduates from high school, not when he graduates from college.

[@thundersnow93]

I agree. As long as your kid is pursuing education and staying focused with his/her path, then I would allow him/her to stay rent-free. Once that changes or they abandon the education path, then it's a job and rent or get your own apartment.

[@A-t-r-u-s]

That's how you create deadbeat men John

[@radfoo72]

Her new husband will end up driving the son out of the picture by wanting to be an overbearing control freak when sport is finally stretching out his wings and then there will be enmity between the two of them.

[@damienbates]

These conversations should have been had before they were married. These types of expectations and setting boundaries are things that can be deal breakers in a new marriage.

[@ethxo6734]

I wouldn’t charge rent. He’s already trying to be responsible by going to community college instead of university. He doesn’t sound like he’s a bad kid. College is already expensive enough, don’t add to that.

[@christianledesma5203]

Exactly i think if he’s in school and working a part time make sure he is saving and etc not charging rent but rather teach him out to manage $ and be smart with it

[@9liveslisa]

My father raised us with "If aren't working or going to college, then you have to move out". He wanted no freeloaders. He told all of us early on and we all left home early. lol! Even funnier is that when he was very old he wanted me to quit my job and move in! I did not quit my job and move in with my Dad. He could afford good help at the house and I visited with him every weekend. I told him that he raised us not to stay at home and for all of us to get a life. I would not have been comfortable to move home on a permanent basis.

[@cashkitty3472]

Oh yeah my mum and step dad were like this .

[@alicel3992]

Older parents?🤔 GOD bless us.🥰 Your Dad did right in your youth. Why he changed his mind toward the end of his life, only GOD knows. I'm glad you were able to visit him on weekends, he didn't feel abandoned.👏🏻👏🏿👏🏼👏🏾😀 GOD bless.

[@drewdelaney4166]

Lol smart move better to be a free loader in your own pad then your parents 🍺

[@15KHPCLUB]

My stepmom did that after my parents died and I was displaced from their home She made it very clear that she'd only support my recovery, not any debauchery Best move ever made, completely changed my life and character for the better Taught me self responsibility and accountability To stay motivated instead of being complacent Think of someone other than myself Meanwhile nearly all my classmates from high school still live at home, high off the hog and are carefree I'm 32 by the way...

[@hyui5096]

Completely agree with you. You family should be there to support you when you fall but they should not be expected to pay for their kids even after full time education.

[@Poultrychick]

Grateful my parents didn’t charge me rent when I was living at home and going to college. I paid the car insurance (had an old vehicle that was only good for in town driving but was grateful not to walk- but before that I had a bicycle!), helped with groceries when I could, worked, had a full course load. I saved what I could so I could move out when I got a job offer. It was tight for A WHILE working a job in my industry, while finishing my masters traveling back and forth and paying off my undergraduate student loans before I graduated with my Masters. (No loans for grad school were needed due to assistance ship and then my employer helped pay for the rest.)

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

@Beyond Tribalism Sounds like many Asians like me LOL.

[@diceportz7107]

My Parents were the "If you are 18 and out of high school, you are out of my house". They had a lot of kids and it worked for us. I in turn, told my kids, you can live here but you are living my rules, and contributing to the household. My son moved back for a short period of time after the military, he paid rent. He moved back in after he strted school, again, he contributed to the household. It doesn't hurt for them to have an obligation to a household.

[@joek2k]

Given that the son is receiving a low wage, I do not think that rent should be charged. College/university is expensive, and adding that additional expense is more of an incentive to take out a student loan. Yes, I agree that it builds "discipline", but in a hypothetical scenario like this, it is rough trying to balance paying rent and college/university.

[@thoryan3057]

Agreed

[@thaisrutman8994]

The stress on that kid right out of HS.

[@lynnebucher6537]

I can agree with this if the kid is in college. But he can still lift a finger around the house, clean up after himself help do chores rather than have a live-in servant doing everything for him. That does not prepare him for adult life at all.

[@slappers123]

This is a great way to make your kid hate his new stepdad… I feel like some relevant questions weren’t asked here. Are you paying his tuition? Other expenses? What else will he be responsible for? I just graduated college in December, paid 100% of my school expenses because my dad couldn’t afford to. I went to a state school, worked all summer and saved 80% of my income, and was able to pay cash for tuition and books every year. If my dad wasn’t letting me live at home, paying my phone bill, and my car insurance, no way would I have been able to make it through college debt free. If he made me pay rent simply because my stepmom wanted him to?? I’d resent her and probably grow to resent him for listening to her… Not to mention, probably one of the better investments they can make, especially if he is pursuing a worthwhile degree.

[@purezaserrano5417]

You sound a little spoiled and premeditated disruption in your dad's relationship not thinking of his sacrifice for you.

[@slappers123]

@@purezaserrano5417 I’m not sure how you mean? I’m saying I’m grateful for him letting me live at home, and pay the expenses that he could afford to. I said if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have been able to get through college debt free like I did. Never said anything about being j grateful, I simply said I’d be pretty upset if he made me pay rent, simply because my stepmom wanted him to…

[@thaisrutman8994]

In 100% with you on this.

[@thaisrutman8994]

The dynamics between this mom & sim should not be imposed but the new guy. He could suggest to the mom but stay out of it.

[@slappers123]

@@thaisrutman8994 exactly. Coming from someone who has a stepparent, this is a surefire way to drive a wedge between the parent and child. To me personally, it’d feel like the stepparent is being chosen over me.

[@rodrigofernandez9055]

The missing question, "are you living in his place or your place?"...

[@zoraster3749]

Agree to a rent and then have him pay it to his savings account. Living at home to save money only works if you actually save money. It’s a good exercise in discipline and gets him closer to eventual independence.

[@blakewarren9467]

Just an option here, If you feel the lesson is needed and charging rent would help him see the big picture. Not knowing what the parents financial situation, they could possibly charge their son the rent and place that money in a separate savings account and then when their son is able to move out on his own they could surprise him with that money. Win win

[@noggasaki_x]

Since he's trying to avoid debt, I feel giving him 3-6 month rent free is reasonable and setting a plan for him. Setting a plan with the baby steps and or making sure they have reasonable responsibility in the household. Also to set him up good to be off on his own.

[@markovujanic3195]

You don’t have to make them pay rent to educate them on responsibilities.

[@justjas161]

Thank you!! 100% agree

[@michellerichardson3090]

But you do need to know how to do so.

[@macercan]

Personally, I’d have them pay maybe $150 per month and secretly put into an account. Then use it as a deposit for them when they find a place.

[@juliosalazar7093]

NO RENT!. I have a deal with my son. He is working on his masters, and is debt free. He can stay at home as long as he doesn't do drugs, no drinking, and save 80% of of his income. When he graduates he will have a fully funded emergency fund and have 20% down payment for house if that what he wants To do.

[@johnmartin4641]

He’s already working on his masters and he’s not even old enough to drink? That’s impressive. I was still working on my undergrad at that age.

[@yondrusek]

You are awesome! Great job dad

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

@@johnmartin4641 I get your sarcasm but his dad's house, his dad's rules. If you can't take it, then move out. It is as simple as that.

[@sackettfamily4685]

whatever boundaries you decide on ... make sure they're stuck to! my parents made boundaries for my older sister, but since she kept breaking them, they'd just make new ones for her. she ended up staying til 28 and having stunted emotional maturity. no college at all... just unmotivated turkey like Dave says.

[@chinwenduejezie8699]

Unpopular opinion… I am very skeptical of this new husband… I mean the boy is still in high school… with plans to go to community college to avoid debt… like seriously the new husband should have several seats.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Yes he needs to stay out of it. He really just wants the son out. That will be his next move

[@Secretsanta182]

I am charging my working teenager rent as it sets them up and gets them used to paying bills for when they move out. What they don’t know is that they will be getting all that rent money back when they move out for a deposit or down payment on a house… If you don’t set up a regular rent payment that is spoiling a child and doesn’t give them a push to stay in a job… and a spoilt child is never Happy 🙏🏽

[@walte153]

When rent, food, laundry, cable tv, phone are all free there's little incentive to "grow up." DO NOT let him get the impression that this is a long-term situation. Three-to-six months after graduation should be plenty. Oh... and DON'T get into the habit of "slipping him a few bucks" or paying his car insurance, etc. It gets to be expected.

[@alicel3992]

I charge my daughter rent/electric and babysitting. She got into a mess, didn't want my assistance to plan a budget, so she is learning the hard way. Life is tough and I've been homeless. Once I got a steady job I was able to climb out of those circumstances. Things happen. I don't want her "enabled" or "entitled", not a good example to a child.

[@sarahh9169]

Totally agree

[@kristinh1119]

We recently charged my step son rent. I don’t see a problem with it. My husband gave him the option to go to school and we would support him, or work and pay rent, he chose to skip school and work. Not fair to not contribute to the household if you’re an adult age

[@terriesmith2616]

I agree. When kids get to adult age, it's fair to charge them rent, especially if not attending school, nobody lives for free in this world, everything cost money, so when you have them contribute at a young age, they learn responsibility, they also learn that nothing is free in this world, which will better prepare them for self sufficiency later on in life.

[@Lags4You]

My dad kicked me out at 18 with nothing but the clothes on my back. This pushed me to find a way to keep a roof over my head, food in my belly and income rolling in. Fast forward to today, I have more passive income than my dad makes for social security/retirement and he is begging me for a place to stay rent free due to his income choices. I still help in some ways but financially their is no help. I set a boundary and because of it I am seen as selfish but I am okay with my decision.

[@jeromehenry4484]

You are not selfish; you are honoring the rules Dad made when you were 18 years. Glad to hear things worked out well for you.

[@PrairieNightMoon]

What goes around comes around. Family should always help family whether they're 18, 38 or 68. Sad situation when families break down.

[@Lags4You]

@@jeromehenry4484 It is my hope that one dad he can be proud of my progress and even take steps to ease his retirement but those choices are up to him.

[@thaisrutman8994]

No! Don’t charge him. Your new husband is wrong. Have boundaries to your new husband.

[@pattersonellen]

Agreed. He seems hung up on money more than other things

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Exactly. The person she needs to set boundaries with is her husband

[@michaelwoods4495]

As long as my children were full-time students and making progress, I paid for everything. They all worked too, but not because I required it--they're just that kind of people.

[@theGrayArea2]

What disturbs me most is that she has been dating this guy, decides to marry him and seems like they never had a conversation leading out to this timeline about her children, good one parents, now you left your child is a vulnerable state, good job 👍

[@ecclairmayo4153]

He just wants the son out. Thats the next move

[@pingupenguin2474]

My parents asked for a small amount of rent once I started work, and I did the same with both my boys. None of us are rich so basically the idea is that all adults contribute to the household-, the money pays for electricity, food, etc. It also gets them used to paying rent, before they leave home and have to learn to budget and pay bills.

[@AtomicHouse]

Charge him his part of the water, electricity, internet, and food

[@DLIX2DCLI]

It's ok to charge your kids rent, only if you don't expect to be living with them in the future without helping them out lol

[@ScottColeDonohue]

I don’t have a problem with a small amount of rent, chores etc. My problem is the new husband being the one that feels this needs to be done. At the end of the day, it’s not his house, they’re not his kids, and he’s obviously incentivised to turn your kids off of living at home so that they are more out of the picture. Would certainly make his life easier. Careful not to end up estranging your kids for a new man in your life

[@robertguidry2168]

What do you mean it's not his house? That sounds like a recipe for disaster in a marriage. Everybody, Son, mother, step-dad, they all need to have healthy boundaries and make adult family decisions TOGETHER. That's what family is for.

[@hellobonjour9513]

Charging rent for your kids isn't the way to go. Let your kid save money for life projects and start them debt free. Perhaps he wants to start a business and needs money upfront, perhaps he wants to buy a car, perhaps he wants to buy a house with a good down payment, let him stay, but he needs to take care of the house and the living place.

[@cooleobrad]

As long as your child is working and/or in school, there is no reason to charge them rent, it is just going to slow them down. If anything, forcibly make them save or invest whatever you think their "rent" should be. That way they still get the discipline of living on less than they make, but it is also rewarding when they actually do move out and need the money.

[@listerinr]

I would charge him rent, and set that money aside. And after he moves out and settles into his own apartment or house surprise him with that money. A great way to show him the benefits of investing/saving.

[@uberboiz]

Sounds like a good idea from an intention point of view, but I'm struggling to see how this approach shows the kid the benefits of 'investing' (if anything, there's a risk it gives him the wrong idea of what investing is).

[@Mosesusorer]

You should never charge your kids rent when you’re the one who chose to have them

[@hyui5096]

They are not kids. They are adults. If you expect your parents to pay for you after full time education then you shouldn't have a parent. You should have a sugar daddy.

[@Mosesusorer]

@@hyui5096 Parents should be lifelong safety nets for their children. None of us asked to come into an existence where we’d need to keep making money, usually doing things we don’t even like, just to survive and live a decent life. Children should have everything covered for as long as they, the children, are alive, even after the parents’ death. Parents are nothing but slaves to their children’s needs & wants and their whole lives should be dedicated to providing everything they can for their children while not overworking themselves to death in the process just so they can keep providing for their children!

[@hyui5096]

@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. No one asked to be born but you are in such a spoilt situation it is insane. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to the world. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job. Clown

[@hyui5096]

@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. No one asked to be born but you are in such a spoilt situation it is insane. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to the world. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job.

[@hyui5096]

@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to reality. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job.

[@PrairieNightMoon]

I do not rent rooms in my home! My home is not a boarding house! But my home is my family's home any time they need me! I would not know how to calculate the value of rent dollars against the value of family. So many families are not families anymore! Eight weeks old? Sorry, baby, you're in my way; I have to live my own life. Here's a nice babysitter/daycare! Five years old? Sorry kid, I don't have time to teach you things; too busy working two jobs to pay for two cars and the huge house we never see. Eighteen? Sorry, kid, you're on your own! Sink or swim, I just want you out! A few years later, the parents are 70. Sorry mom, dad, I'm so busy working two jobs to pay for the boat, three cars and huge house; here's a nice nursing home, I'll call ya at Christmas! It's shameful! Why do we not value family anymore?

[@Hotnik0813]

I would love to hear their opinion if you take the whole new husband thing out of the equation......young adult living with parents after graduation from high school....rent or no rent?

[@oscarmedina7368]

I was being charged rent while I was still living at home and in college. I didn't really mind it because it really got me into the habit of budgeting very well now.

[@HappyLife-tg8yy]

Watch your husband. He Seems evil. Don't charge your son rent so he can save and move

[@rcmike09]

Or charge him rent, save it and give it back when he moves. This teaches responsibility and gives them a boost when they need it the most

[@HappyLife-tg8yy]

@@rcmike09 very smart

[@drewdelaney4166]

I wouldn’t say evil. Maybe extreme and cold

[@Afrinaturality]

Hmm...I think a happy compromise would be for the son to pay 'rent' and for the mum to save a significant proportion of that to support a house deposit when he leaves.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Yup, he really just wants the son out. The person she needs to set boundaries with is her husband

[@dannysrigid]

My parents charged me about half the going rate for a small 1br or studio apartment at the time after I reached the age of majority. Made sense to me, learn to budget rent into my spending habits. They also required me to pay the amount THEIR insurance went up before getting my driver license @ 16yo (late '70s, it went up $200 AFTER reducing from full coverage to PLPD).

[@paulbrown5937]

Horrible advice. Imagine your elderly parents need to live with you or be homeless and you go "how much rent you paying?". Would completely change your mind if you saw the future and that happened.

[@NorthEastTrailRunner]

I live in the UK. My long term unemployed parents made me leave school at 16 in 1992, and take a factory job. They then charged me rent. I didnt get to go to university until I was 35 and could afford it myself.

[@claudiacalienes4427]

I charge my son rent. He goes to college and works part time. He never had any issues with me asking for rent. He actually said that it only made sense and prefers to be at home than having to look for a roommate and still not able to afford his own apartment. So it works out for everyone 😊

[@hansonallie]

It’s either/or. Once you turn it into a landlord tenant situation as a parent I think you forfeit your right to impose a curfew, tell him to turn down their music, etc. Which is precisely for the few months after my graduation my parents did NOT charge me rent, lol!😹 Their way of preserving their right to impose rules on my a$$!!

[@justjas161]

Exactly! You blur the lines. You want me to have adult responsibilities but stay in a child’s place??🤨

[@oliviafox6745]

The discussion and clear parameters are essential. I graduated a few weeks after turning 17, Mom sent me out of state to live with an older lady for a few months. I got a job and paid room and board. Mom charged me rent when she called me back home. No warning, just a declaration. I saved for college, she dropped the rent, and after moving away to attend school, I was totally on my own. It's unsettling not knowing what the rules are, especially when they aren't applied consistently.

[@drewdelaney4166]

Of course your new husband thinks that. Your son is not his flesh and blood. People don’t like to admit this but that has a tendency to change the dynamic and how he looks at you babying him. My step father was jealous of the relationship I had with my mother because of his childhood his mother was alcoholic and not close to him

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Exactly. The person she needs to set boundaries with is her husband

[@drewdelaney4166]

@@ecclairmayo4153 my mother did not have that option due to the power dynamic my step father created. He moved my sister brother mother and myself into his house once my moms house was sold. He renovated my mothers house himself as a carpenter he had his own business and increased the value of the house.

[@michelhanson1500]

My mom - son, if you're gonna live here, then I am going to charge you rent and at the same time, this my house and my rules. Me - so you're gonna charge me rent and I still have to answer to you when I am going out and I still can't have my girlfriend sleep overnight??? Yeah.....BYE!!!!!!!!!!

[@swannyriver75]

In most African American households parents have a tendency to want their kids out of the house at 18 and I'll keep it 100% it's detrimental it has lead to low paying jobs, most not graduating, not going to college, way to many kids at a young age. Stop putting your kids out 18 yes they are adults but they are not ready mentally or financially, they are not equipped to sustain themselves and what happens they end up back home with no real skills and parents frustrated because they have no motivation let your 18 year old breathe a little hes going to school charge him a few dollars for rent but save it for him for his first apartment or first purchase of a home, put some away for his new utilities, and dishes and maybe furniture he isn't ready to go let him stay if he's going to school not being disrespectful Iet him stay

[@michaelpalumbo4880]

New husband does not want to support the seed of another man. And why would he want to support a grown man of another man? It's stupid. He has a father let his daddy support him if he needs support.

[@Sarahc0407]

This is honestly a conversation they should have had before getting married. I would not charge my son rent. I wpuld have clear boundaries. My children come first. If you are not happy then i am not the right person for you.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Exactly. The boundaries should have been with her husband

[@n.w.414]

She doesn’t have to pitch anything to this husband. She has had a relationship with her boys all their lives. This new guy doesn’t get to butt in on that. When the youngest boy is out of the house then he and her can make the rules together. But right now those kids are priority, and mom continuing with what she has raised them with is giving them stability.

[@MarinePigVa]

My dad did the same thing to me when I graduated college. Put his arm around my shoulders and said "I love you, you have six months to find yourself a place to live". It wasn't as dramatic as it sounds because I had already gotten hired by a Police Department. But, that is what he told me.

[@ronkonkoma4223]

Sounds like this woman it's going to end up with a third husband at some point in her life, because her current one sounds like a total Richard. It's not like the kid is sitting around doing nothing and if you're going to charge a young man rent it should be in the form of him contributing to a portfolio that he's not going to touch for a couple of years. Sounds like this Richard just wants the kid out of the way.

[@jill9606]

If he’s not entitled, bratty, asking for hand outs, he is productive, works and contributes to society, and wants to live there to go to community college debt free AND she wants to allow him to live for free, I think he should live there for free otherwise he should go pay rent elsewhere and get more space and privacy. Charging rent would defeat the purpose.

[@ElimitechPest]

I think it depends on what the son or daughter is doing. I had two older boys good kids but a little lazy and unmotivated working part-time jobs. Once I started charging they started working more then I increase the rent to $100 per week they cried but then started working a lot now they have their own business have their own house. I think if I would have let them stay rent-free they would still be there at my house with their little part-time job

[@pamelagriswold8162]

My parents allowed me to stay rent free during college. Not only was I able to wipe out any student debt, but I also saved up enough to have a 20% down payment on a home. This set me ahead of my peers by years financially and I’m forever grateful. If I had been partying, not disciplined, and not saving, that would have been a whole different story…

[@aleshahilburn9234]

My husband had no idea how much his insurance or phone cost until we were engaged and we started talking about our finances. I on the other hand paid for my insurance and phone as long as I had one. It's so interesting to me how differently we were raised.

[@rogers5622]

I agree with the hosts' advice . It has to be a balance of responsibility and tough love . It cant go from floating along to being thrown in the deep end . It will ruin the relationship in the family . My nephew hates his stepfather because this process was done incorrectly.

[@SeanBaker]

Yes. Yes you should, but it shouldn't be all of his money, and he should contribute to the household in which he lives once he's old enough to do so.

[@jczelusniak777]

Wow I would never charge my kid rent if he was trying to save money while he needed to live at home while he went to school

[@momof2momof2]

My young adult children live with me and can as long as they choose to. I don't charge them rent. They work, they save their money. Our finances are tied together because I have been widowed for over 15 yrs. We work so well together, they help me when I need it. They can always move out on their own or when they decide to get married. Sadly, with the ridiculous high cost of just renting, it's much better for them to keep saving , instead of paying a landlord. I am financially sound, but if I ever needed money they would hand it over in a second.

[@15KHPCLUB]

Yes Charge him rent and teach him responsibility Do not coddle him I've lost both my parents when I was 17, the rest of my family abandoned me, ended up homeless, and had to fend for myself If your child grows up without basic survival skills, you've failed as a parent No ifs, ands, or buts about it

[@andreaj8319]

Wow graduating in May barely 18 and she’s already wondering about charging rent. Lol no. That’s weird.

[@boots911]

for about four years you should let him live there so long as he's following your rules. You could make him pay small bills such as his own vehicle expenses so that he's forced to get a job, but for the most part you should allow him to save money and go to school.

[@elizabethgowens2359]

This young man is still receiving an allowance. Husband is not wrong to recommend a little bit of growing up. I'd let my husband help me.

[@MoneyTalkwithMP]

Paying bills teaches teens of responsibilities. Definte must!

[@mattlol163]

lights, water, and internet +food..... NOT paying your parents mortgage.

[@kristinshuman8286]

Our son will be a junior in college next year. He will be living in a house, off campus, in his college town. Since he will be off campus, we had the discussion at dinner the other night that this summer, his Dad and I will sit down with him to set up a budget for groceries and other items that he may spend money on while living off campus. At first, he asked if we could pay for his groceries out of his college fund, as we had paid his room and board on campus. We stood our ground and said that it's time for him to take on this responsibility. He and his sister were raised in the Baby Steps way. He has a summer job where he makes about $7000-$8000 each summer. So, he understood. I am excited to see how well he does.

[@Akrna47]

My parents charged me rent but they gave most of it back when I moved out to help out

[@roofingdyi6.7powerstroke8]

Charge him and put it in a savings account and give it to him whe he moves out ..

[@dannymartial7997]

Sounds like the husband just wants the kid out of the house so he can have some alone time with his new wife. Those aren’t his kids, so he just wants them out of the way

[@pamelaosborne3259]

My cousins are charging their kids who are working $700/month for room and board. I don't know what to think about this as the parents are making 6 figures

[@letaravas9643]

I have no idea why my partner thinks I am babying my kid (and I have not bothered to ask or investigate this at all) I never thought about having a conversation with all of us... WOW I wouldn't charge a working college student rent if I didn't need the money. Help them learn to budget and save, yes. Help them make a plan to leave, yes. Household rules and guidelines, sure. I like how the guys didn't really answer the question since the answer is so personal. I would say ask the husband can we save the rent money the young man would pay and give it back to him eventually. I would suggest the husband have a talk with the boy and talk to him about paying rent to see where his head is at. I moved out as soon as I possibly could but that was because I didn't like my parents rules and guidelines lol. I stayed home long enough to save up the money and find a cheap apartment that would accept a young 1st time renter.

[@Korok96]

My dad told me I didn't have to pay rent as long as I was going to school and bettering myself and told me to focus on a better future and that if he needed money he would just let me know

[@divama007]

Yes. They have to learn responsibility and it should start in the home. Even if the money isn’t needed. Save it for him when he gets his own home. It helps him to be a better man. My son has been paying a bill, providing money towards groceries and cleaning supplies. It hasn’t hurt him and he’s saving money while doing this. His dad was against it but I wasn’t having it. I made a vow to train him in the way he should go and I plan on keeping my promise. Where can they live for free?

[@stephenrussell9545]

If our son stays at the house while in college, we aren't going to charge him rent. Once he graduates from college, if he would like to stay at the house, we will charge him some kind of rent. We will probably take at least a portion of that money and keep it in our savings until it is time for him to move out. We will take that money that we kept and give it to him as a gift to help him get established as an adult living out in the world. That is our plan at least for now.

[@acesmark3126]

The while charging some rent after high school although I think is a bit sudden due to the culture we live is still reasonable but the whole new step father suggesting it just when they got married and have built no real relationship with the sons just seems so sketch to me

[@_ConspiracyKing]

No don’t charge him rent it’s your son!!!

[@Teisharocz]

Every episode of yours is of charging kids for rent and holding kids accountable of their finances. I'm 45, my mom has nothing, no house, no savings, no idea what to do coming up. How can I help her?

[@tytraulich4987]

State housing will soon become a thing. Internal contradictions will always be dealt with face on.

[@juliejohnson3835]

Charge a minimal rent and start an account for him. It's a different financial world now, and this will be a bonus when he's ready to move out. I'm sure mom and stepdad wouldn't appreciate being charged rent if they ever have to move in with this son.

[@avader5]

Wow this reminds me when I was young and my dad wanted me to pay rent shortly after my mom passed on and I managed to get a good job I informed him that I would have no problem paying rent when the rooms were rentable meaning they were in a rentable condition. My dad was a hoarder so I informed him that if he wanted me to pay rent then make the place rentable. Eventually the fire department would be called and my dad would have to get rid of over 150 yd.³ of his garbage before the city of San Jose indicated that the house was in a rentable condition.

[@greggpurviance7252]

No absolute answer, but clear understanding. And rent means income to you, most parents don't realize that & fail to file

[@ElizabethGilbertson-t6r]

I cannot fathom someone expecting a boy just out of high school to get his own place in this economy! He has no skills & won't make over minimum wage. Wow. That's harsh! Let him stay a few years, teach him responsibility & make sure he's on his feet financially before shoving him out.

[@alex1vid]

1: I don't like the new husband saying this. He wants the kid out the house at 18 but it's her son. If this wasn't discussed before he should've made that clear before I assume he asked to get married. For example I would hesitate with single mothers not out of 'fear', but out of respect because any woman I'd be THAT involved with I would assume is a good mother and prioritize her kids and even her own well-being. This means if she wants her sons, that aren't mine, to stay with her well we could talk about it but ultimately they are her kids, and that's damn hard to compete with. EOD I totally agree with having a plan as a group and that helps the dynamic here. But it felt like a red flag that the new husband is doing this. With my son, if I was a single father, I wouldn't do this. But we'd have a plan with an account in his name where anything he would pay for the house as 'rent' would go into it for his own future.

[@plants4thewin]

I think rent free while in school even if hes working. If not going to school rent free for a year to save up to move out.

[@pawelwisniewski6849]

Don’t punish him with rent as he wants to be responsible and go to community collage

[@jayritchie2785]

She should support the son and ditch the new husband. The kid is trying to go debt free. He has time to grow up.

[@jenscheibner792]

Debt Free??? What country do you live in??? Can't be America...

[@jayritchie2785]

@@jenscheibner792 correct - but plenty of Americans also avoid debt. There is a series of youtube videos you can watch all about it....

[@jimbragu]

dont think daves plan is to have mommy pay for everything to get debt free.

[@CG-MP]

18 is still pretty young. My parents gave us until 22. I'd say new stepdad just wants him gone.

[@Booksandmeatloaf]

I wouldn’t want my stepdad to tell me to pay rent or set boundaries. ‘Business’ transaction sounds alittle… off…?

[@nakedshadows]

Sometimes these guys give terrible advise

[@vic2796]

I personally like the idea of charging rent but setting it aside secretly for them once they move out. Or charging rent then giving them a year free to save for when they decide they want to move out.

[@CeliaGarcia-q6x]

The new husband just wants the son’s to move out. So he can’t really say that because they are her son’s- not his he has no paternal connection. He just has to come up with a reason why they need to move out. The mom can help her son by saving money so that he can get out of student loan debt. The new husband just wants it to be her & him no adults kids.

[@ganymedehedgehog371]

Sounds more like the new stepdad wants to kick out the son from the last marriage. This happens way too often with second marriages with the new spouse wanting to clear house when they knew the children were part of the deal.