Should we divorce? What to consider when making the decision

Every couple that goes through a difficult struggle, whether they get a divorce or persevere through it, may ask themselves "Should we divorce?" I give you some of my thoughts when considering this. I've been there. I've asked myself that question before, choosing to stick it out, and eventually choosing divorce. My hope is that I give you some insight into helping you make the right decision for you.
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[@mgbro3311]

divorce not usually a "we" decision. when one party ( usually the woman ) is ready, it is a unilateral decision. she doesn't ask for your input or permission, she just leaves and then comes at you with the full force of the state on her side.

[@5822huron]

Usually she has another man lined up

[@sunshine9717]

Not all Women do this. It just happens that you possibly married a Women who did exactly as you stated.

[@Doug5614]

That's pretty much how it went down in my case.

[@samstevens7798]

@@Doug5614 Yep! Me too.

[@Doug5614]

@@samstevens7798 I hear ya man.

[@ventureelect]

When there is no life in the home that you built and you hate to even come home, there is a price you have to pay for peace.

[@michaelwest9840]

Well said!

[@chicomendez3720]

I get literally sick to my stomach,heart races,sweat etc when I my wife coming home after work,car door,steps in, expression etc...on my part I make sure all is done at home "chores" etc.Not for her approval...but... to avoid any wrong on my part of the responsibility. Biggest sign for me is, when I lost my space in the home,like you said "hate to even come home" I try to help but get in the way...Peace does come with a heavy price .

[@bryanekberg1042]

Yep

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

True

[@yehbear9634]

Agree. With kids it’s a totally different ballpark. You can’t just walk away. I was unhappy for many parts of my relationship. It’s been over a year since I separated and I can say I’ve been unhappy 98% of the time since. Total mind fuck and I considered myself a tough fella. Marriage was hard work. Separation, for me is far, far worse. If not all is lost in your relationship try harder. Wish I had.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Best of luck, hope things have worked out for you

[@cristinalacoste2062]

If you do divorce, do all you can to stay connected with your kids. Don't let any future relationships change that. No matter their age, your kids need you in their lives. You're their dad, the only one they'll ever have.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I agree

[@davehickey2293]

This video is refreshingly balanced commentary. The thing it really drives home to me the amount of responsibility that hangs on a marriage. It somehow makes the institution of marriage more substantial. He is speaking from the viewpoint of a person who did end up abandoning the marriage and that I think is an important part of his talk. His experience is divorce. All in all, a good one-man discussion of the topic of whether to stay or go.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks Dave!

[@lilytoh3580]

Too many wives and husbands think of the easy but painful way out is to divorce. Do not do it. Both have to work at being new people making a new start. The extreme pain of being betrayed is always there, but if both are willing to work it out, it can become an even deeper loving relationship. U know that u need a few weeks or months to get rid of most of the hurt, snd both must agree to let the betrayed spouse to have a "mourning period" and the unfaithful spouse must speak more gently and with deep forethought not to arouse hurt. There will need to be more give than take from the unfaithful spouse, as well as giving more hugs and kisses and as during the courtship, be kind and romantic and avoid being bitter or harsh and carry on sharing responsibilities. Always remember to be kind and do not put blame and accusations on each other. Just be very kind and loving a d give extra attention to one snother, just as u both did when courting, for this is what it amounts to, except that the preconditions were painful. U must be willing on both sides to push these negative circumstances behind your minds and think of each other as new people u just met and have no problem at all with their past so as to enable u both to move forward in a new relationship, as if were. Otherwise it is impossible to move forward in renewing love and starting all over again. As always, the children are secondary in a love triangle, it was not them that started it, it was lust. So, lust and love must be renewed by both spouses. It hurts not if both spouses take care in their appearance and smelling good and clean for each other ss in courtship. Gentle words and romantic atmosphere do play a whole lot in renewing love after a painful betrayal. . Always remember that the betrayed is gravely wounded in the heart. What do u do when u have a deep wound? U are gentle in cleaning it and dressing it and putting much love in doing it. So does a broken heart. So , do be good snd gentle, no harsh, angry words or a return to the old ways. This is actually cultivating a new relationship on both sides, so both must share in the work of renewal, always remembering that if unattended, the wound will fester and become a failure to heal. Stop the shouting, stop the blaming, stop the rough words, stop every hurting judgement, and every marriage will start to mend and heal and the relationship between should survive with a better understanding and love and appreciation of each other. Sure one spouse or even both , have betrayed the rights to love by the unfaithful spouse, but if they have returned, it is worth rebuilding your marriage. Do it. Do not take the cowardly, angry, loser's easy way out by divorcing. Take up the immense challenge to survive your marriage despite so many painful, negative odds against u. After all, u both had loved before, so, so never give up hope. That is why u feel so much pain when betrayed, it was your love that causes so much pain; make it give u joy, survive the challenge, when u go to war, u fight, when u love, u also need to fight for it. That is why there is pain when u love.

[@namboy2233]

There is so much truth in your comments. I think that too many people on here have poisoned attitudes about marriage/divorce. And, in many cases, there are circumstances and conditions [unfair legal system, lack of empathy by the unfaithful spouse, etc] that can explain their anger and bitterness. Understandably, however, this anger and bitterness prevails in subsequent interactions after the infidelity event. In reality, most people DO NOT know how to be married. Many lack the required relationship/communication skills required to resolve inevitable marital issues and conflict. Of course, after an infidelity, the anger, hurt feelings, lack of empathy, shame and pride, all get in the way of people sincerely confronting the resulting problems in the relationship. In my experience, "Once a cheater, always......." is not always the rule, but the odds may be against an easy resolution of the betrayal. And clearly, its takes a lots of hard work on both sides to achieve successful reconciliation. Certainly the unfaithful spouse has a hard task to rebuild trust, but the offended spouse also has to put in a tremendous effort to forgive, adjust and recommit.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

This is a good take

[@lilytoh3580]

The Men's Divorce Playbook. : thanks for taking an altogether new view; that is what we need to look into to meet the new flood of old attitude that is causing so many broken hearts, broken homes, disillusioned children and spouses, and killing off the goodwill and love in marriages.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

@@lilytoh3580 Thanks for speaking up!

[@user-ee5om8wy7u]

People should focus on saving NOT marriage but happiness - each other's happiness - so that their love and respect for each other will remain there, regardless of divorce or marriage.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Agree 100%

[@lehlophof4074]

Replace "happiness" with mental and emotional well-being.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I found the more i could own it and take responsibility for my current circumstances, the more empowering it was for me. Because if I could claim responsibility for my life circumstances, I could then make choices and make changes to better my life circumstances. You can choose to be a victim, or you can choose to create the life you want. The transition can be very difficult, but having this thought in your subconscious and in the back of your mind can make that transition easier.

[@sunshine9717]

There are many occasions when it truly is one partner who is acting a fool. All the kindness in the world is not going to stop them from either cheating, being abusive, an alcoholic, drug addict or argumentative. I agree you should try to approach your mate in a respectful way. But that totally depends on what kind of mate you're married to. Every situation is different. What works for one situation might not work for the other. So my advice, is if you are in a cheating abusive combative argumentative relationship. You need to step back and focus on taking care of yourself mentally, spending less time interacting with your mate and figuring out your game plan to a better life. Now if you have a mate that is reasonable and you are able to communicate with them as well as them communicating with you. Where you both can make a decision to step back when you feel things are getting heated and willing to work on understanding one another. Taking the time to listen to each other. Then that's a step in the right direction. Maybe there's hope for that relationship. Remember when friends and family are saying I think you should divorce because this person is not right for you. You don't have to do anything. Stay put if you choose and it's not affected you mentally. Especially if your life is not in danger. It's okay for you to seek help and really get an understanding on where you're at in that marriage and what you need out of that marriage. Hopefully you'll have a marriage where you will be married forever. There are a lot of good marriages out there. So smile your chances are good!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for chiming in

[@1533ramsay]

I feel that once the kids are grown the communication comes to a drip if not totally off. Hopefully by then both people will have moved on with new lives to live. Me, I want to travel in a.Airstream and see this great country. By myself is fine! I am very secure that way. I love when I eat at a Restaurant and the host "says only one"? I spent years on the road for my work, so I learned to be happy with me.

[@sunshine9717]

Well, if the kids becoming grown. Leaves you in a lifeless marriage. Then you were never a couple from the beginning. I say this because if your marriage was strong from the beginning. The kids living would bring you closer. Not farther apart. Sounds like you just wanted to escape and the kids leaving the nest was your out!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for chiming in brother

[@bluewater454]

*Another thing to consider, guys. If you take your role as a dad seriously, think again about divorce.* The legal industry(yes, it is an industry) only looks at you as a cash cow. You will be stripped of your constitutional rights, and treated as a second class parent. You will be looked at as only essential for the money you can contribute to the mother(and the state). Your role as a parent will be considered secondary, if that. You had damn well better know your rights, and be prepared to fight for them. You will not only be fighting your ex. You will be fighting an 8,000 pound gorilla - the STATE. The states make billions per year in federal reimbursements for their child support program. *They dont just go after dead beat dads!* They will force you into the child support program, as well. The more families forced into The Title IV D child support program, the more money is transferred to the states. Know your rights.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I can't disagree with this

[@bluewater454]

@@Mensdivorceplaybook Damn well better not, if you know what's good for you. 😄

[@LPSCaitelyn]

I want a divorce but I keep wondering if I’m making the right choice.

[@luisaprada9139]

Me too

[@travelertrash1153]

Me too

[@gibbyrock6648]

Me to

[@eddiecano421]

Divorce is not an option fight for your marriage

[@fruitloops3718]

There is a good book I recommend for your problem titled Too good to leave too bad to stay. I helped me make my decision. You might also decide that you don't need to act on your decision immediately.

[@margaretbatson83]

We already made our decision. We think it's best to get a divorce. When there's constant fighting and nothing has changed for the better its definitely time to move on rather you have kids or not. Sometimes it's for the best 🙂👍.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I agree. I wish you the best. Check out my other videos to help cope with the divorce

[@margaretbatson83]

@@Mensdivorceplaybook I'm glad you agree it just makes sense . The constant fighting isn't good if you have a child or have children. It's bad not a good environment. I want my son to be in a happy and healthy environment .I want the best for my child. I

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

@@margaretbatson83 that’s a decision only you can make for yourself. I just agree that it can be for the best

[@1533ramsay]

Fricking yes to all! NO LOVE LEFT FOR ME! My kids hate when we are together. He pits the kids against me. We are separated. My life is so much better NOT arguing with this woman every fricking day. I fell the kids feel the same way. Yes, I see it ending. Yes my relationship was always a round peg in a square hole. Life does happen. Every breath we take. I've join a gym and feel and look so much better.

[@salbigelow3118]

Mr. Mark Hoffman any advice for a man that has been married 22 years 6 children no love no respect no dignity left anymore I'm basically a problem to everybody I'm seriously thinking about just cutting my losses and trying to pick myself up from my bootstraps literally

[@philliploco5037]

I used to do all this I now no longer give a shit

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Glad to hear the gym is helping

[@johnsmith-hx9dc]

I been thinking about divorce for at least a year but the main reason i dont take action is because i'm terrified of being away from my son and the negative results this can have on him. I think I would be happier having my own apartment with 2 bedrooms, one for me one or him, but am just too afraid of making a mistake. The main reason I want to get divorced is that I want to see other women and deep down I feel that this is not as important as making my family work. My wife actually proposed we saw other people but in practice it didn't work, she got terribly jealous to the point of getting a toy car and hitting herself in the head. I think that if we got divorced she would get so angry that she would make my life a nightmare. I feel stuck and living in fear

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I hope things have worked out

[@Ski7440]

I’m female and my son is now 18 yrs. he lives with me still , and after his father moved to Germany and stopped paying child maintenance (support ) there has been no contact with myself and him. So I haven’t spoken to him since August 2016. My son sees his father every couple of months or so, sad for him (son) in a way But he says he doesn’t miss his father. His dad is very narcissistic , so I don’t like the influence there with my son. He was violent towards me in the relationship, so I’m glad he doesn’t see him much .

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I wish you the best

[@sjcobra84]

Can't express How happy I am to be unmarried. And don't intend to be.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I understand the relief

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Warrior, you have no idea what someone else is going through or what it is like in their shoes to be able to make a blanket statement like that

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

@warrior of God Be the love! 🙏🏻

[@ashleygregory3162]

I'm having a real hard time getting over my divorce I still look at the picture of us when we were getting married. And I really try to be tough and notto cry over her but this is has been so hard for me to get off my mind. And we have 3 grown daughters that we see when they ain't busy on the weekends. Also I still love and miss my ex wife as when we were going through our divorce I could feel my heart breaking and ask her do you still love me and she said no. And after the painful divorce we went through it took me about a month to get this off my mind. I'm a man just really still struggling after my wife ended our marriage.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I hear you man, that's why I put this out there. You need tools and a conscious effort if you want to heal and get better. Its possible

[@victorsmith6854]

Thank you for your video! It makes me think again

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

My pleasure

[@ilovehouse888]

I hope you know you got really lucky. Most women will not take responsibility for their actions and will do everything they can to destroy you during the divorce or break up. They will make you lose all respect for them and all the love you had will turn to hate. Feel blessed this didn't happen to you. That's why as a man you should always keep your needs first.

[@TheBeautifulShutin]

Some men don’t take responsibility and try and destroy their partners too. It’s more of a character flaw than a gender issue in my opinion.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I hope things have shifted in your world since this post

[@ilovehouse888]

@@Mensdivorceplaybook thank you. I appreciate it. I no longer have any hate for me ex and have been able to forgive but unfortunately I will not be able to fully trust anyone in a relationship again. It sets you up to be too vulnerable and can ruin your emotional and physiological health if you are not prepared for anything.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

@@ilovehouse888 That's good to hear that you moved passed hate. Hope the healing continues

[@memehu9577]

the thing is, for a marriage or relationship to work. it takes two to tango. no matter the differences of two individual, when two people want to make things work. they will. also, put god in the center of the relationship. instead of focusing on what she wants or what he wants. i respect this video, but it only talks about the process and the action of divorce. it might not be enligtening esp for family oriented people, but this is his experience and thoughts.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

True, it is just my experience and my perspective. But to say I wasn't family oriented is short sided because after all, like you said, it takes two to tango. I am pro happiness and pro family. Sometimes the best thing for those two things is divorce. That's for the individual to determine, not a KZbin video.

[@danielletirpkoff8191]

I think it's very unfair and unfortunate for the mother, to pit the children against the father!! After all, he's still the father of those children and those children are the connection, that the mom and dad will have for the rest of their lives, being civil to each other is definitely most important!!🏡🏠

[@teshamiller6001]

Very unfair and stupid. And vice versa. I want a divorce, but I still want my children to have an amazing relationship with their dad because they all love him to pieces. I'm just nervous he will try to pit them against ME. I only say it because he has a 16 yr old son by his ex-girlfriend, and he trashes her to their son's face to the point that it hurts his son's feelings. It's disgusting. Parents should NEVER badmouth the other parent in front of the child/ren, but he doesn't even seem to care that it hurts his son. Smh. Pretty sure he's gonna do the same bull to our children. Smh

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for chiming in

[@michaelreeder15]

This really helped me. Thanks for your perspective. This was amazing and insightful. This made me look at things totally different.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Great, I'm happy I could help

[@magsteel9891]

The thoughts on divorce with kids are spot on. There's no finality to it. And alimony is like being a slave.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Yep!

[@nixworld767]

Thanks for this Man. Sitting alone on a balcony in Bangkok. Wondering if I'm going to pull the trigger and divorce my Brazilian wife of only two years. Was like a friend sitting next to me.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Good luck brother

[@sddoss]

Hold On Pain Ends ( H.O.P.E)

[@jokerbox_official]

yeah i'm sitting on the couch thinking the same.

[@mpld1979]

Brazilian women show their true colours once they have the wedding ring on their finger. Beware of them.

[@Carl-LaFong1618]

@@mpld1979 They are all cut from the same stone.

[@jokerbox_official]

thanks for the great nice open video. you're really cool. i can't see you being the problem in the relationship. anyway, we have had issues for 15 years. we have 2 small kids. i'm wondering what to do and i play through in my head how it will work. in my mind i have walked away. i'm preparing. never though i would get here. she pushed me here. i have been nice. i have tried talking. she walks away or yells. her actions are cruel. she blames me. she spins it back on my always. i'm not happy at all. i think of the kids. we almost ended it a year after being married....her idea. her fault. not cheating.....financial lying. anyway, i'm really confused.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for the feedback

[@mrhollister8520]

Gratitude for sharing Tom!!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

My pleasure, thanks for saying so

[@bluemountain555]

There’s a saying that half of all marriages end in divorce…..but not the better half. And I’m glad that I’m in the better half.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Ha, you're a lucky one!

[@bro7269]

I am really grateful we don’t have any children. In fact we are both trying to make this process easier for the other. As hard as it is (after 20 years) this could be so much worse. My main problem will the transition (to being single) and probably another physical move back to the midwest. I’m tired of moving....

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Ain’t no thing brother, you’ll be good in no time

[@acemany1126]

When your kids are 18...You don't have to deal with them anymore. FACTS!!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

😂

[@julianromero3342]

Keep thinking and you’ll do what your ego says not what your heart feels. This is not the best way

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Please elaborate. Are you disagreeing with what I am saying?

[@jameshadden834]

Follow your logic. NEVER follow your heart. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? ~ Jeremiah 17:9

[@alwialbeiti1457]

Thank you so much, it helped alot

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Glad I could help, good luck!

[@lilytoh3580]

And all due to lack of kindness, selfish, treatment of marriage lime it is a disease, lack of tolerance, not thinking our spouses as a part of us, the refusal to talk, only killing love with uu silence or anger and shouts and swearing, just a plain refusal to give and take, should have talked about fundamental issues before getting married and parting before the legal commitment. This idea of accepting and seeing each other in old age is essential before marriage. No use saying he or she is a good person; essentially, we are all good persons. Why say it now? Did u not plan what u want in a marriage, do u still want to do different things years after marriage; will u tolerate each other through difficulties Nd still respect each other; These thoughts should cross your mind before u get married. We talked about it and either one of us agree to certain things before we married. We checked to see if we both want and take care of children when we have them. We talked about old age and his reducing abilities, we talked about our attitude when we married into each other's families. Wen we find that we are able to love each other still in old sge and with both sides of the families, will accept responsibilities, we instinctively know that we will not disrespect each other, after all we do not disrespect each other before the marriage by shouting, quarrelling(if u already shout and swear and fight) u should never marry each other or continue the relationship, marriage is about love and respect and accepting each other, faults as well as all the goodness in them, about sharing life unselfishly, never thinking only of self, u have your other half, knowing that on e married, u are one and u always think of your right arm as well as your left arm, they are and will always be a part of u. It is too much unkindness, self interest, arrogance, stress from the daily demands of life - remember we create our own problems most of the time by wanting far too many things in life and not be satisfied by raising our standards or expectations so hard, most of the time we fall or our spouses fall but u refuse to give any leeway through our own nastiness and unkindness; instinctively , we know they will fail, but we do not care; why, for self promoting reasons to get what we think are new ways to be happy because divorce is trending - the reason is that everyone is doing it. Can we not be among the broken hearts of a damned, uncaring, growing, disgustingly festering wound of humanity? It is a wound that never heals, it festers divorce after divorce because of the continuous search for happiness that do not last because we did not work at the one first given to us, we look for greener grass because it is easier; however, as with all relationships, u need to give and take, not look at the next green field for your next problem solving. If give up on your first marriage, u will give up on the second when u are faced with a problem and the next, too, if by then there is still someone foolish enough to fall for u. Also, if u can give up so easily, u may find your new spouse may also have the same idea; and so happiness becomes elusive!! Remember u found love at your first marriage, u only have to work hard to rekindle it. Remember, too, that these days, women can look after themselves and they like to be wooed throughout the years and will reciprocate by returning your love. If not, take the time to teach them gently how to please u in return for your love and effort. Many times, the harshness of dealing with the day to day living make either one of us forget to be the best selves that we are capable of towards each other. Do remind each other when we become unexpressive of our sweet emotions, or even brush them off as time and money consuming. Do not let that deter u from encouraging each other that happiness out of reach. To reach any goals, we persevere to get it and need to continue working at it year in and year out to keep it tuning, just like a very expensive, well loved, top of the range, exclusive car! Your spouse is your top of the range, very exclusive car metaphorically, so take extremely good care of her/him. Love them day in and day out, they are irreplaceable, just like your beloved, exclusive, extremely limited edition except that this one is even more special, they can interact with u, they are special, just as we think we are, too. Keep your chin uo, treat her the way she deserves and it will be reciprocated. Treat her as irreplaceable, just as u , too are, put value into your spouse. your marriage, tell yourself, happiness is not elusive, u need to build up your own happiness; it is in your own hands. No one gives u happiness on a platter - u work for it. Too distrustful, too lazy, too wayward, too intolerant, not willing to love her or him again, too arrogant, too unkind, too weak to persevere, too many excuses? Then u will not have happiness coming to u at your harbour, it has left, u were not there to receive it. U were too busy trying to get the grass in the other field.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Ok

[@mojok7070]

Tell me? Would've been right for me to divorce my wife back in november 2015 when she told me she was pregnant because I always planned to leave my wife but when she told me she was pregnant before I could even tell her I wanted a divorce but the pregnancy made me change my mind because she was having my kid even though our age gap is 11 years apart I'm 28 she's 39 and now we have a kid recently and I still don't want to decide. I mean this relationship with my wife is focused mainly on sex and besides that our commuincation as a married couple isn't the same as couples in love. I don't if there's even love.

[@nmartin5551]

Mojo Khan - Family planning? Unless one or the other of you had a failed surgical sterilization procedure. You need to own that you are 50% responsible for that baby; if you are thinking divorce you should have protected yourself from this (don’t care if she lied, you should have protected you,). Now; if you love the kid and being a father, you have a major challenge, if you don’t care about child rearing; then pay for the kid and move on with your life.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Hope you are well

[@mojok7070]

I wrote this 4 years ago but that was during hard times with my wife but now 2021 we're happy and we got 4 kids as well. I love my kids and I'm glad I stuck with my wife

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

@@mojok7070 appreciate the update. Glad it worked out!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

@@mojok7070 I happy to hear it. Thanks for the update!

[@joederocco9321]

51 pct divorce rate ,nuff said ,but great video. spot on with all ,much support here

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks Joe!

[@DadsDivorce]

Excellent video Tom. I hope your insights continue to help this community. Great job!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks!

[@KateDatingCoaching]

Really insightful video. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Glad it was helpful!

[@marjoriesyoutube4530]

Thank you for this video , it helped a lot , going to try to do the challenge, because right now it’s not good, I don’t want to resent my husband . We have a child with special needs together a lot to consider . Very good video , the best honest I have seen . Thank you 🙏 Marjorie

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for the comment and kind words. I wish you the best of luck

[@theconfusedphilosopher4724]

Money is the most common source of arguments in marriage. However, ironically, when couples divorce their financial situations are made far worse and often children of divorced couples suffer impoverishment as a result. This is one of the major considerations to make before pushing that escape button. Additionally, there is a large body of social science that irrefutably shows the damage to children raised in single parent homes.

[@jeanqbxx]

Children will be ok as long as the man is involved 100% after the divorce. I agree however that men should do everything possible to save the marriage.

[@oldirtydasher]

I am just realizing that no amount of money is worth not being called names for simply not doing as she wanted done...

[@1533ramsay]

The Confused Philosopher Like myself, my child are beyond us arguing every time we talk or see each other. My marriage is toxic and change has to happen. I am no good to my children if I am not there for them in a depressed and bitter mode.

[@iwishyouknew3413]

Mark Hoffman This is exactly what is going on minus children, Ive done all the work on myself and he wont look at himself. His career and his negative perceptions of me started to be detrimental for us. He is about to be losing a lot MORE then he believed. I gave him three years after separation for us to be aware of our issues AND to make the changes. I have not been blaming him, just asking him to be open to seeing a New perspective and he wont. I still forgave him for everything and I took responsibility for my shortcomings and failings. I hardly asked him for ANYTHING except to be nice and loving. This was a deception to me and his denial became my life with him. I worked with a cognitive behavior therapist, life coach and a lot of marriage and relationship coaching. He felt I was stupid and he is was too intelligent and I wasnt so HE could not allow my influence about anything. Nothing we fought about had anything to do with differences in values until the end which was when he got to the point where he didnt want to believe that relationships take time, effort and a little work to be successful just like anything else nor that relationships are for for personal and relational growth. WHICH is a PROBLEM FOR me now. He had a fundamental need to control, manipulate and be full of stress and anger which he took out on me and that is why I left the toxic environment. Hes 47 yrs old and he is now dealing with depression and anxiety and Ive put myself aside to still be caring, vulnerable and open to him as well as stood firm about wanting to do everything to better ourselves and our marriage after a total of 7 yrs and now we gettinh divorced. Nothing seems to change his limiting beliefs and the direction of our marriage which is so hard for me. Money, power and control changed him into someone I dont know.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Good points

[@saramiller4675]

Hey Paul I feel you on how hurting it is I would like to talk to you I'm going through tough things now

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

thanks for chiming in

[@tonyirving4154]

I am very unhappy and depressed I have been married for 1yr and it's been very difficult as my wife is very abusive and constantly criticising me on everything I say do think and believe and she ridicules everything that is special and dear to me , and she checks my phone, I have no money and I she stops me having friends and if I even smile or say good morning to someone in the street especially a woman I am accused of cheating with her even if it's just a random person in the street, what do I do ,I feel I would be better off dead,...

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I suggest finding some therapy to help you out

[@nomanqureshi7713]

Thanks

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

My pleasure

[@jetbecerra]

Thank you for this video... 👍🏽

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Glad it helped

[@MA7-6585]

The more I learn, the less I know

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I know the feeling. Not a terrible place to be because to me, it sounds like you are open to new ideas to figure it out

[@melanieevans4143]

Great real advice! True help

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks, glad it helped!

[@Christa-tl8jb]

Easy solution--never get married. That’s MY opinion.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Not a bad one

[@lilytoh3580]

Men's divorce book: from what I get, I can only think that this is such a helpless situation in life and so painful

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

It can be, which is why I offer my help

[@katiebr]

Prayers and bible will help in any decision, God is the best, safest choice

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I'm glad you found what you needed

[@user-gu5zi7oc3f]

I divorced her 3 years ago and re-married her it was awful to leave the kids only the kids.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I get it

[@jetbecerra]

ALL The signs are all there for sure

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Best of luck

[@bstanton4774]

My Wife wants a divorce. I do not, so Im stuck in this with absolutely nothing I can do about it. We still "Love" each other, and I get no reasoning from her at all other than "I just don't think we can be married anymore."

[@imaamericangirl1406]

I'm so sorry.

[@Ebvardh]

I hate to tell you this, but she doesn't love you anymore. If someone loves you, they're not looking for a way to leave you.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Where that may be true, he may just be dealing with a woman that doesn't know how to communicate any better. I would recommend they get into couples therapy to help with their communication

[@jameshadden834]

Cheaper to keeper

[@ariesstage2188]

Respond not react. Time to reply to lighten the air and add humor if applicable. I'm on that journey as I listened to this.... wish me luck

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Good luck!

[@sherryjacobs3907]

Great advice. It hit home with many of your points. Coparenting and respect are great gifts to your children.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks Sherry

[@lafon918]

Great insights Tom!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks David, hope you're well

[@iwannapoop]

My wife is a toxic narcissist that has made my life miserable for the last 12 years. I stayed with her "for the children". Big mistakes. Children growing up in one of these war zone homes is worse that a split household

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Sorry to hear it. I agree

[@bryanekberg1042]

Gee I left my wife lived in a motel for a month came home 3 days now I'm back in motel smh.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Good luck man

[@NCISfanatic21]

Why the heck did this appear on recommendation list?

[@brookesmith1550]

It’s a sign

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

🤣

[@jabroski69]

Great vid 👍

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thank you!

[@teresasmith7230]

Those that demanded their life's back

[@orgami100]

I'm not worried about Hell. I was married for two fucking years! Hell would be like Club Med...!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I hear you brother!

[@retropee229]

Point wen u have kids right there ✊💯better separate take breath and get back together coz interaction will be forever

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I agree

[@luanntexascitizen4345]

I like hearing men's point of view and its really the same. Only the genders are flipped. If a woman is very antagonistic, she may have a personality disorder that's not conducive to good communication. It's a trainwreck in the making.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for the comment

[@mRuKjoe]

Isn’t that the thought of divorce???? Why fix it when you want a divorce??? It’s not self awareness, it selfish ness. Why even get married

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Not here to debate why get married, just here to help those right their ship given the choices they've made

[@AlphaDad]

Tom, can you address children and things to consider if you have kids? Thanks!

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Hope you found some of my other videos

[@JenniS361]

i recently got a job about to start working after a year and a half of not working bc my daughter is now a year and a half..husband doesnt help with our kids at all even when i worked before baby he didnt want to help he expects so much out of me but the fact that he works he thinks thats emough help..our babygirl tries to get his attention and he just plays on his phone all day im very scared to leave bc of my financial situtuatiom and bc i love him very much but i feel like he doesnt love me and he has a lot of growing up to do..im about to get divorced..im tired of putting the effort into something thats not improving..anyone else going through this? :(its hard when kids are involved

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Hope you are well

[@videomaniac108]

With my ex, it was important for her to satisfy her sense of vindictiveness towards me by twisting the knife in terms of language and demeanor. I was not able to withstand this kind of contempt and the result was that it forced me to become estranged from my son. As bad as that was, I viewed it as the lesser of two evils since she and he had a good relationship without me in the picture. I know that she bad-mouthed me towards her family, her friends and my son and so I just had to accept the fact that my son and I would never have a relationship. My only consolation is that I think he is doing well and is happy and that things could have turned out worse for him. I do feel that he was cheated to an extent, in that he was a very good kid who I thought deserved better parents.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I'm not sure there's a force in this world that could keep my from my children, so I have a hard time relating. I wish you the best

[@melissabob6572]

Jim Nesta No that was the cowardly and selfish thing to do!!!!!

[@4ppl3Tr335]

After 9 years, we've got to hating eachother. I'm crying, we have 3 kids. I don't trust him anymore- In any way. He prefers to take his money to his mother and his brother's family, and they use him since we've met. I did so wrong trusting him, believing in us. It's my fault. I was young, I had a wonderful career ahead. But I hit myself with a stick in the head by getting involved with a man that doesn't enjoy anything about me, he things I am not good at anything. He hates me, I have him, we hate eachother and the children are in the middle. How stupid I am! Why did I do this to myself? I could have 20 kids WITHOUT getting married, if I wanted. Why did I gave my trust, my freedom, my everything to a man?? Men, why are we, women, so so stupid to trust you and empower you so much on us?

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Hope you found a local therapist to help

[@BobBob-uv9fq]

The only reason I regret not getting married is having kids ,it’s something I think about but not religiously

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Kids are pretty amazing

[@lilytoh3580]

What is happening to men and women - do u marry only to divorce? Do u not make efforts between u to repair and renew the marriage. Think of what it does to the children as well. Do men and women lie to each other about love in order to go through a wedding and then divorce? It is not true love if it cannot buffet the strains of married life. Do men and women love lying about love? Do they feel that they just want a new partner by divorcing , that they can flit from partner to partner just by divorcing because it is so easy to break hearts and find a replacement? Have women and men become so shallow that they swap partners by fornication , committing adultery and do not care when they divorce? What sort of society have we built? Cheating, lying, breaking hearts, separate and traumatise our children and our spouses, steal the rights to love from your spouses to give to another who has no legal rights to your love and sexual acts?

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

I hear you and appreciate your idealistic hope. The truth is, divorce happens. Not every relationship will last. Not everyone goes into a relationship in the right space. Not everyone grows together. Sh*t happens. I try not to lose faith in humanity because hearts are broken and I don't like the way things are trending. I encourage men to try their best, aspire to a better version of themselves, and learn from what life has thrown at them.

[@jofelux7359]

The question is : are you happier now?

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Absolutely!

[@MrTonyJ]

Not usually the man’s decision.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Everyone's situation is different

[@Greenthumb-420]

whats ur facebook page

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

facebook.com/mensdivorceplaybook

[@zerubabel9664]

You csn tell the man is hurting, but this is completely understandable, because eventhough you enter your marriage with your eyes wide open, taking into consideration the possibility of her chesting on you sometime in the future (come on, do you REALLY believe your escalating number of fights had nothing to do with a 3rd person? ).And yet when she finally knives you in the back, all you can say,is "et tu brute,?" Just likd Julius Ceasar when his best friend So much for preparednes...

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for the comment

[@lilytoh3580]

How ridiculous to have fights when u can talk like adults. Just have never grown up. There was never love, just lust, that is why is is easy to divorce.

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Well that's one way to view it. A bit of an over simplification to very complex and diverse topic.

[@alexcaldrone3668]

bad advice

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

Thanks for chiming in Alex, could you be a little more specific on what it was you didn't agree with?

[@mannyvelo]

Go F yourself, Alex. Your two word comment provides zero value. Schmuck. Where is your video that enlightens us all?

[@nathanp1680]

Thanks

[@Mensdivorceplaybook]

My pleasure