Should You Say Nothing AT ALL Or Risk Offending Someone??

[@RQuinton79]

I became disabled after I was married. I struggled with the idea that my wife would want to stay in our marriage because my disability made life more difficult, but I eventually had to accept that she loved me for me, regardless of my new struggles. I find it interesting when people believe people with disabilities are undeserving of relationships, but then can’t explain whether my wife should leave me or not. I don’t know, frustrating.

[@jodil1209]

I have had that same fear about my husband wanting to still be with me with all of my disabilities. I still worry. I think about all of the things he has to do now that I can't. It's been 8 years now, so I hope that he doesn't leave me.

[@Lyn4817]

@@jodil1209 Ditto, I am in the same situation unfortunately except we have been married for 50 years. We have had a wonderful life together and both knew this is where we were heading from early on in our marriage. Hence the reason for living our lives in reversal. I must say on my part, there's been no regrets.

[@flyinggirl3121]

"I don't know" is super underrated. I totally agree!

[@chadfalardeau5396]

Honestly it depends on what their disability is. I'm partially physically disabled myself, and limits my ability to help with some physical disabilities.

[@riversrhodell2359]

Absolutely. I definitely have some needs a limitations with my own disabilities that would make it difficult for me to be in certain kinds of relationships with other disabled people. It's an important consideration.

[@BrainSqueezeYT]

I can see what you are saying, but dating someone doesn't mean you would be their full time caretaker. If I was friends with or dating someone who needed transfers as part of their care I couldn't do that.

[@GabbyTTran]

In being physical disabled in a different way, thanks Jordan for showing me different ways to interact with other people despite everything we disabled people have to deal with every day. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

[@AnnikatheAmputee]

Sometimes its funny when people say the wrong thing. Like when I said "I sprained my ankle" and my roommate responded "which one?" ...we both cracked up laughing afterwards

[@FootlessJo]

That’s my favorite 😆😆😆

[@thewanderingwolf7116]

I would absolutely die if I accidentally said that to someone I didn't know that well yet lol

[@emim1760]

Risk getting it wrong! Just be willing to learn and adapt for your friends. Love this Jo💕

[@sj-hb1uo]

I agree it's a valid concern but even disabled people can still say the wrong thing! Not every disabled person knows everything about every disability. We all have so much we need to learn

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Agreed. Disability is just a very obvious way to offend someone. As humans we experience being offended pretty regularly, all we can do is try our best to learn as much as possible and be compassionate

[@nixhixx]

This phrase ... "What would You like me to know about _____" is very useful. It doesn't put the full weight on either party, it prioritizes needs, and it opens up communication.

[@TheLazyHusky]

I feel special! You used POTS as an example and I have that! I find it amazing when people look it up because although I'm more than willing to explain it does get exhausting and it's easier to explain my symptoms if they have a basic knowledge of what I have (and it just shows that they care).

[@ConfusedCorvid]

I don’t think I’ve ever been this early to a video! Actually really interested in what people said. I’m disabled and my partner is able bodied and honestly I have internalised a lot of ableism and still feel like the “broken one” sometimes. That’s not how it works, we both give different things and need different things from the relationship and that’s totally okay. We had similar conversations about like “it’s okay I’ll let you know if you say something wrong but let’s not avoid the topic”. Most disabled people are happy to have that conversation so long as you wanna learn, we don’t bite! 💜

[@merandareast2552]

I also have a physical disability and my husband is able bodied. Our relationship works and he rarely thinks about my disability (except when he’s joking around) but the general public certainly sees it and they sure do judge our relationship! My husband never makes me feel broken or anything but complete strangers have managed a few times.

[@morgancalvi6675]

My mother always said if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

[@sophiebach2834]

Im so early whaaat I like your open mindedness and non judgemental attitude about this. Its so needed in these types of "controversial" topics. The fear of saying the wrong thing can stop important conversations from happening.

[@dangernoodle4586]

For me I would be hesitant to date someone who’s disabled because as of right now i don’t have the best mental health, and I comfort others to an extent that damages me. So I do think that I could do more harm than good. No offense to anyone whose disabled.

[@akschauer]

Admitting you don’t know is so much better than acting as if you know everything.

[@joanc7816]

Thank you for being on KZbin. With pre-surgery (#42 on 8/17-a gastric fundoplication to repair a 40 yr old hiatal hernia) Insomnia plaguing me, getting engrossed with your life has kept me occupied and entertained. Bless you for your "gift of gab"

[@chloeslater7231]

I'm Autistic and am pretty much diagnosibley guaranteed to at some point say something inappropriate in any situation (infact the more uncomfortable I am, the more likely I am to say the one thing no one should say). The agreement I have with people is when I do say something upsetting is to tell me, I try very hard to not say the wrong thing but I do misjudge situations. I research a lot and try. I am however always suprised by those outside of the Disability community how many are not prepared to be a little uncomfortable or try and research in order to reduce the level of isolation that so so many of us experience. There is a reason I spend most of my time around others like me. I'm also always amazed at how much tone policing, microagressions and just ouitright discrimination happens and those around me who aren't disabled just do not notice, they don't believe it happens to the level it does, they also never think that I am going to notice. I do.

[@karine-v]

Google can be a double edged sword. I told a guy on a date I have MS and he googled it and only saw the "worst" of it and wouldn't understand I had a more "mild" form.

[@riversrhodell2359]

Yeah, I think figuring out a basis of where to get your information from is an important part of doing actual research because you can end up in really weird places on the internet.

[@xdeltaptx]

Hi!! I have it too! We are amazing aren't we? :D

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Was he not receptive to a correction of his misconception? Or was your point just that Google is a poor teacher?

[@lisamo1013]

As someone who has looked into MS for similar reasons (so just a superficial look around some websites) I wasn't aware that there are different forms. Is that part of your diagnosis (like with leukemia I know that there are different forms and the severity of the disease hugely depends on which type you are diagnosed with) or more like autism where it's a spectrum and you can say from your experiences that yours is a more mild form?

[@pavilion3064]

This is my fear too, I think I would prefer a question: "Are there any good resources I could read? I don't want to accidentally get the wrong information, but I'd love to learn more"

[@cody7888]

I love this and it applies to so many things from mental illness to race. This is advice everyone needs to hear

[@danielaustin7643]

I have a super rare condition called Klippel trenaunay syndrome which affects various things in my leg, I haven't until recently called my self disabled but as the condition has gotten worse I have had to acknowledge my physical limitations, sitting down more, using the lift and only this week I have started walking with a crutch, which for me is the first time it has become visible to other people that I am disabled, continuously being asked the same questions and people looking at me and people treating me differently has come as a real eye opener. I also feel in the job I do people don't expect someone to be visibly disabled.

[@danielheathcote5625]

The people you value in life will do the right thing - just say “if i make a part of myself and say wrong thing, just tell me” I can live with that. I’m visually impaired (registered blind) with a condition called albinism. My mates know to nag me re Sun cream as I burn mega easily due to same condition. They also ask questions. Strangers often say stupid things without thinking like “you need to get stronger glasses”. I usually smile and ignore if I’m working -though I reacted once in last job, said “wow, you think? Maybe I ought to complain about optician I saw yesterday” - boss heard me once and asked if I wanted anything done - she inferred that so long as I didn’t swear, she’d be happy for me to reply in same vein in future!

[@quixilver6177]

As a disabled person myself I love this

[@katiebrennan3261]

This is 100% spot on and also I got ridiculously excited with your shoutout to POTS. I'm not used to hearing my condition being mentioned in passing and it made me feel seen 💙🥰 Thank you!!

[@madeleinewalker838]

I'm struggling what to say even though that is exactly the video topic. So, the comment will be for the KZbin algorithm.

[@samcattell1150]

I would go out with a person with a disability. I have done. And the girl I love and want to be with above all is severly disabled (she's knows I love her, we're good friends 😅). Dating somebody with a disability can come with challenges but if you've found that special person, the challenges can easily be overcome and it's so worthwhile! It's the person that matters, not their abilities or disabilities.

[@chimerasofhafgufa]

I have anxiety and depression. Most of the time I'm very easily triggered into anxiety attacks and the only working method for me to avoid them is literally talking through it with someone. Sometimes it literally takes just one word to make me feel better or one word to make me bedbound for several days. Most of the people even when they want to help they're very avoidant to my issues and it makes me feel very alien and like I shouldn't reach out to begin with so I won't make anyone uncomfortable. I wish I was born "right" to not have to struggle with basic functioning. :(

[@lizkimber]

I feel for you i have chronic depression and i know it can take almost nothing to make me circle the pits of despair and i also know the same words if i was at a different point of the cycle so on a kinda up beat might even have made me laugh. I have a mild mental disability i tend not to think of it like that as well i have no idea what its like not to be the way i am. Many people while they may not have a disability in a true sense have life made hangups which limit them in some way. Being abused in some way does not make people disabled but it can infringe their future relationships and in a true meaning of the word disables them to have a normal relationship without people taking it into account. To that extent. A lot of people have issues. So really if you date anyone you are potentially singing up for some level of complications

[@PossiblyAlena]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Know that your emotions are super valid whether or not they feel like a "logical" response. I'm glad you know a coping mechanism that works well to help you get through anxiety attacks (talking to someone) and I'm sorry it's often difficult to establish that communication. You're doing great by just getting through. I don't know you personally but know that I support you full heartedly. I wish you the best of luck, comrade ❤️

[@johndej]

You're right! Honesty and the willingness to learn are the keys to any relationship issue.

[@the_man_with_the_silver_eyes]

Awww, I wanna give you a hug or hold your hands! I wish I could be right next to you and we could talk about literally anything and we’d be drinking coffee or something. I like the vibe you give off, Jo, you’re obviously “The Fun One”. Always there to make people’s day!

[@Grouchbox]

I am married, but if single definitely not a dealbreaker.

[@5p674]

Why do people have to say anything special to a disabled person? Isn't that what we're trying to avoid?

[@natalieedelstein]

You can also just ask the person how they prefer to refer to their condition instead of or in addition to Google. Usually, I prefer to ask the individual directly, as they're the best source to ask on their own preferred language and language they find discriminatory since individual disabled people with the exact same disability may still identify differently from one another and have different preferences in relation to language about disability. Some great starting points when it comes to language are looking into identity-first language vs. person-first language, the social model vs. the medical model of disability, universal design, accessibility and why it is often the preferred term over h@ndicapped, why disabled is not a dirty word and why many people prefer it over "differently abled" or "special" abilities, institutionalization of disabled individuals and conservatorship, capital 'D' Deaf vs lowercase 'd' deaf, why the 'r' word is a slur and why the its precursors--the 'd' and 'i' words (which you actually used the 'i' word in this video, Jo--not trying to call you out but make you aware of its history in relation to the institutionalization of those of us who are intellectually and/or developmentally disabled; we are all learning here 🙂), the history of Dr. Asperger and his relationship to the eugenics movement and how this relates to functioning labels in relation to autism and why functioning labels say more about the people using the labels to describe autistic people than they do about autistic people and why "apparent to the untrained eye" and describing the types of supports we need is more beneficial, the problems with how autism is misrepresented in the media and the major problems with the infamous Autism $pe@k$, neurodiversity, invisible disabilities and how truly high-impact invisible disabilities can be. Jo is a wonderful resource on this channel and on her other channel, Trauma Talk. Some other KZbinrs I like a lot who make content about disability are Paige Layle, Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, Molly Burke, Momming with Migraine, Izzy Kornblau, How to ADHD, Karina Drury, and so many more phenomenal content creators!!! ❤

[@cody7888]

I remember seeing you post this on Instagram so I clicked this video so fast.

[@jetjegoesdutch7933]

omg so much to say!!! First i agree on allllll you say.. I always say better to say something wrong than nothing at all.. also when i talk to someone who is ill or lost someone important in their life.. i say i really am afraid to say something wrong but i know how it feels when people don't say anything.. I think in my case i lost a lot of people in my circle because of that one and only reason. Also about feeling isolated, because someone doesn't want to say for example i had a lovely bikeride today or we booked a holliday.. I know i don't get to do those things anymore but i rather have you say it. I woudn't want anyone to stop living their lifes and i know they won't.. so why try to hide it.. but at the same time we all been there. Should i tell what my baby did today while i know my friend can't have kids is one i've had to think on a lot of times. Another topic: I drive a mobility scooter and people all the sudden say hi driving by on their bikes but in a way that i see pity on peoples faces. Also they would have never said hi to me when i was on my bike too. I still have troubles with that.. BUT on the other hand would i want them to turn their heads as soon as they see me?! NOOOO... so it's all a very thin line and i think as long as you listen to your heart you can't do wrong... thx for the video!! big kiss from holland

[@jogvanjakupsson2952]

Because people are afraid of saying the wrong thing? Never crossed my mind. I think I'm pretty relaxed about that sort of thing. Not that I think I never say anything I should'nt have. I'm sure I have. But I think that people who actually know me understand that it's not said with malice. But I would much rather people just tell me, if there is something that needs saying. It's so much better when people just say what needs to be said. If I'm saying something hurtful without realizing it, just tell me. I promise I can take it

[@wesleyjarboe9571]

I married a woman with multiple disabilities. She married a disabled veteran. I agree that saying the wrong thing is not the end of the world. I should point out however that it's easier to forgive others than to forgive myself. It's easier for me to deal with a person who says the wrong thing to me than to deal with saying the wrong thing to someone else.

[@johnnarogers5636]

This is really reassuring. I have a habit of saying dumb things without thinking sometimes. Most the time the dumb things are like "cool xxx!!!!" So it's nice to know that even if it's not necessarily the right thing to say, it's better than not saying anything.

[@BrainSqueezeYT]

I've had conversations recently along these lines. I don't know when the habit started, but when anyone tells me about a condition they have or something they experience, I look it up. And that's how I found my diagnoses when you mentioned Chiari! I had never heard of it and I wanted to better understand what you were experiencing (or maybe not, I can't recall where you are at with the diagnosis sorting out). And I really appreciate it when people just tell me they hear me, they believe me, etc, and ask me what I need. Maybe that's conversations or maybe that's cat videos. I've also made a point of telling people that I appreciate what they said or how they asked something when it hit just right and made me feel seen.

[@PostTraumaticVictory]

Downloading the crap outta this to watch on my lunch break! ✌🏻💚

[@FootlessJo]

Aw you da besssst!!!! 💜

[@DesMowadeng]

For me personally...I expect others not to know how to best support me or the right things to say or do. It's when pointing that out to them it becomes a problem. They respond with "I was only trying to help." Maybe so but in some cases it's not helpful to help and people help from a place of seeing a disabled person as incapable. I'm more then willing to educate people, however, have very very low tolerance for that when I'm out and about in daily life doing my thing. If people want to help but are unsure how and are unwilling to let me verbalize how they can it is best to keep a distance from me. I would rather be ignored then having attention drawn to me. When people help, say, or do things for those who are disabled it is obvious when they don't know what they are doing and creates a situation where attention is drawn to the disabled person. Our existence gains enough of it we don't need extra. Another thing that can happen is people assume all disabilities are equal and we all feel, think, respond, need or want the the same things in the same situation. I prefer people to avoid asking specific questions as then I am obligated answer rather then feeling the time is right to answer. A lot of aspects of a disability can be private and personal. Since this video was more about dating a great rule to follow is follow the disabled persons lead. They will tell you about aspects of the disability that impact dating when the time is right. Some aspects of a disability may be impacted in a relationship but for example only if it's getting to be physical/sexual. There are times a disability may be involved if you as the person in there life is about to take on some aspect of caring for the person in an intimate way like feeding, dressing, or bathing because the relationship is becoming serious. A lot of things regarding disability are not important in dating as they are what we live with but not who we are. If I go on a coffee date I merely do so as a person in a wheelchair. The only thing required is access to where we are going for coffee. I may choose to meet a date at the location over having them pick me up as I require assistance with transferring from a chair to the vehicle which is not something early in a relationship I would be comfortable having a date do. Admitting when your not sure about how to assist us is great. Admitting you know nothing of our disability isn't always great. It shows more then anything your placing importance on it that may not be warranted.

[@AbbyKadabby18]

I'm disabled (although not very visibly) and I have mild cerebral palsy. My friends and I joke about it all the time, but it comes from a place where I know that they care and understand my disability. My best friends joking about how I can't reach anything because I can't stand on my tiptoes is much different than a sophomore telling his friend "jokingly" that "we're not in the special needs class, you should be able to do x". The difference is, I know my friends care, and they stay within boundaries that I have set. They don't joke about me always showing up with a brace until I did, and if they feel like they've overstepped they apologize. It just takes a little sensitivity and understanding on both sides.

[@bparker111665]

I am ATK amputee, and I quit dating because I found the experience excessively stressful for both parties.

[@seaninness334]

Sorry to hear Bernard. I guess I would be described as able bodied but had a horrific divorce and custody battles for the last 15+ years with a (technically able bodied but crazy) woman. I tried dating but was so miserable and anxious for my son, I just wasn't "fit" for it, and stopped trying. Different circumstances but your comment caught me. Best wishes for us both.

[@bparker111665]

@@seaninness334 ....Good luck to you too brother. You here about the Incels, but you never here about the Voluntary Celibate community which is far larger then people realize.

[@seaninness334]

@@bparker111665 Agreed. Celibacy by choice is complicated but more common than is talked about. One of the many facets of life that I would have preferred went differently. By the way, one of my grandmother's was an ATK amputee, which is part of the reason I'm watching Jo's posts.

[@mikabrandhofer2511]

I haven‘t been open about being chronically ill for long but what i can say as a trans person is: i have heard so much shit in my life about me being trans, if someone is genuinely concerned about saying „the wrong thing“ i already know they would never say something as bad as what i‘ve heard before. yeah maybe they would hurt my feelings a bit but at least i have confirmation that they don‘t hate me 😅

[@brucefinney4575]

“Late in life?” I was surprised early last year when I had an BNR @ 60. My senior years are ruined. I do agree that it would be prudent to do ones’ do diligence on information regarding the disability one is facing. Not everyone is cut out to share a disabled life.

[@tamerakorpi7062]

As someone with both visible and invisible illness I try to have compassion towards others who don't understand. I love to educate and help people understand. I have to use a cane and I'm only 24. All I ask is be polite when asking

[@shortvidz9576]

Always a fun time when Jo uploads a video

[@david65662]

I love how you just described what I've been going through all my life.

[@davidcause4106]

Wonderful! Have the discussion. Thank you Jo. Education! "Know more - do better." Say the wrong thing! Then discuss it. AGREE 1000% Be there. It is just my leg.

[@lilywilliams5141]

I just got an ad for MartinBionics prosthetic sockets on your video!!!!!!! So exciting to see more variety and representation in youtube ads

[@booksandfantasies2035]

I have badly dealt with adhd so I would be hesitant to date someone with severe issues that require attention as I would be awful at helping

[@Centaursixtysix]

I actually dated a blind girl as my first girlfriend and it gave me a lot of insight into the perspective of disabled people. Also if you guys are fans of manga check out Perfect World by rie aruga, it’s a great read about a romance between a woman and a disabled man in a wheelchair.

[@darkhoursofday6250]

I appreciate this very much. Life is too short to waste one opportunity to make someone smile. I really want to be the reason someone feels validated and loved, and I'm terrified that I'll screw up or say the wrong thing. It's good to know that the best route is to just be open and ask. I took a lot from this, and all your videos. Thanks Jo. You're the reason I smiled today!

[@lgrantnelson2863]

Reminds me of when I was having a conversation with a female friend about disrespectful things people say about women. I made comment that I didn't like what some people say about women in the kitchen. I quoted it wrong. We both had a good laugh. Everytime the word kitchen comes up she laughs and says you know what happens in the kitchen. Haven't been able to live it down, but it is funny. It helps to have a good sense of humor in spite of embarrassment.

[@sanurabellydancer]

I agree about doing research. The couple people that actually looked up my condition made me feel so loved. Those who asked questions, because they wanted to understand more, also really helped.

[@mfernis]

Hi! Interesting and useful topic. I would like to add some info. When you have a disability on your body, it can be seen immediately. So the ones whome accept it will get close, and the others don't. But disabilities are on emotions as well. Emotions can have disabilities that leads you to someone bad, or to someone different. Those who have different ways of feeling some emotions are not immediately detected and rejection comes after emotional development. Having a disability on the body filters immediately the ones who can accept you and those who don't. Emotional disabilities let you engage in relationships but the rejection comes later when you already developed feelings and emotional bonds leading to tremendous sense of sad and loneliness. I sent you a hug wishing you strength and courage for your life.

[@ClaireRader]

Great video! As someone who grew up around disabled people in their family as well as a close family friend I never really thought of any of this.

[@tedmartinus3878]

Absolutely! People are people!

[@jaineechampa3368]

This was cool! Would love to see a part 2 where you responded to some of the other comments because I did see a lot of other reasons and was excited to hear your opinion. Sending love to your family always, thanks for posting!

[@SassyWitch666]

I was born with multiple progressive disabilities. I've had a few people say that my disability was a dealbreaker. I prefer the honesty. It gives me a better idea who would and who wouldn't be in it for the long haul. As for me my attitude has never been so much I wouldn't date a disabled person but more I wouldn't date a disabled person who had a bad attitude. I'm married now and my husband became disabled about 10 to 12 years into our marriage. He has dealt with a great deal but I don't fault him for his struggles with it. He still does things to the best of this ability. As for saying the wrong thing, to me the wrong thing is to lie or to not speak up about your feelings or to avoid asking questions that you have because you're afraid of hurting feelings.I would rather be asked than stared at or avoided. Questions can be asked politely.

[@kristi.kervin]

Anyone else obsessed with Jo’s hair??? Or wonder how she never spills whatever she has in that mug???

[@chloequeen3376]

I would as it's not about disability it's about the heart as that's what counts the most

[@sillyness3456]

I always try to treat disabled people like people first and try to assess if their disability has any relevance to my interaction with them. This worked well for me, especially with physically disabled people, less for people with mental disabilities.

[@chuckhenderson4765]

I have , and would again . It all depends on their confidence

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

When I was in high school there was a deaf girl in my class who was really cute, and pretty charismatic all things considered. And I was kinda terrified of her? Its hard to put a finger on why, but I remember experiencing visceral fear when I interacted with her. Part of it was not wanting to offend her, but it was also like I felt I couldnt relate to her. Like I had zero clue what to say, what to talk about. I was a dumb high school kid, I dont blame myself. But now I really wish I had made an effort to make friends with her. I was an outcast myself, we probably had more in common than not. Plus did I mention she was really cute lol

[@alexabradley5915]

I've been trying to figure out how to bring up all the health stuff including my moderate-severe hearing loss when I start dating. I've been trying to figure out how much info is too much and where the line is.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

What would you think qualifies as too much information in regards to hearing loss? I feel like thats something that would come up pretty quickly.

[@alexabradley5915]

@@skeetsmcgrew3282 hearing loss would come up pretty quick but I also have some pretty extensive health issues that are not as obvious.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Ah, I see. Well as much as it will suck, rejection for those reasons is most certainly in your future to some extent. IMO, just my opinion, vague but very honest is the way to go. It would be 10x worse to be rejected by someone youve started to develop feelings for. Its one thing to lie about your past, since whats done is done. But medical issues are present and future. People have certain expectations from their partner. Even regardless of disability. I enjoy physical activity, but Im never gonna be a gym rat. I cant be the kind of partner who motivates to go work out, or is gonna enter marathons together, or whatever. My point being, if I said I loved to work out, thats not 100% a lie, but it sure as hell isnt the truth. I dont think medical issues are much different. If there are certain things you just cant do, and that person is passionate about those things, its just not gonna work out.

[@alexabradley5915]

@@skeetsmcgrew3282 Thank you for your thoughtful response.

[@DasSpaceAce]

As a disabled person who lives with _a lot_ of chronic pain & mental health issues, I don't necessarily begrudge people being reticent to be in a relationship with someone like myself - it's a lot, it's difficult for *me* & I live in this body, so I _know_ it's hard for others. Especially when they're a decent person & they really just want to help, but there's nothing really that they can do.

[@annieinwonderland]

I have hidden disabilities, I didn't think of myself of my self as disabled enough..

[@SamirCCat]

I'd absolutely rather have people not say ANYTHING AT ALL about me and my mental illnesses. I can't handle people trying to be "positive" or "uplifting" but really just ending up hurting me, making me feel alone, misunderstood and way worse than before. If you don't know what it's like to have mental illnesses from age 9 to 33 and going, just be quiet. I don't want to hear. I'd rather be alone in peace.

[@adriansperlich7519]

Can humanity consider that everyone is broken and can only reflect love in a certain light? 😊

[@cheycheywilliams7767]

Of course I would no doubt! I want to know what's the fear about!? Im such a comfortable humble n understanding person i don't have anything n my brain that differs us ,that's just me naturally not at all to b nice, but i know that thing/n feeling about if someone looks different and u not wanting to pay attention so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable! Anyways I couldn't imagine u feeling odd n feelings being hurt ,ur so adorable and u just light up my timeline every time I see u ,small crush 😊🥲😋😎🥺❤🤗🎀💎👑💌💌💌💌💌

[@cirrusfloccus6080]

I'm disabled and my boyfriend is able-bodied and honestly, he says "the wrong thing" all the time. I mean, it has gotten better after being together for 2.5 years, but still. I don't care at all. I always just tell him why what he said is wrong, he apologizes, end of the story. I'm not hurt, I'm not mad, I know that he doesn't mean the things he says, he's just uneducated about disability. (And other stuff concerning humans too.) And honestly, that's how it is with almost all my friends (except for the ones who spend a significant time of their life learning about disability and my specific disabilities). Sometimes I meet people who can't handle when I tell them they said the wrong thing and they get really defensive and honestly, that's the only really wrong thing you can do... everything else is just an opportunity to learn.

[@BrandonWestfall]

If they had a personality like yours absolutely. (And no, I'm not trying to hit on you lol) To me it really depends on the disability and whether or not you were aware of it head of time. It also matters how the person handles their own condition. You seem to deal with the fact you're an amputee fairly well. I am sure there are difficult times we don't see but overall the outlook is positive. If someone becomes disabled while you're with them it has to be difficult for both parties as well. I'd like to say I'd stick around but depending on how the severe the disability is I may need to walk away...and I wouldn't really hurt it against someone who felt the same way. Some people just can't cope with their own issues let alone others. For example, I cannot produce hormones (was on The Doctors TV show 8 years ago when I was diagnosed), have issues regulating temperature, deal with frequent severe muscle spasms, and migraines. It's a lot for me to deal with daily and even more for others. Especially if they are super active people. I wouldn't hold it against them to date someone with a more active lifestyle.

[@liamodonovan6610]

The only reason why I wouldn't date a person with a disability is I don't date otherwise I definitely would date someone with a disability your awesome jo and definitely a catch love you so much jo

[@riversrhodell2359]

As an aroace person, I felt that

[@liamodonovan6610]

@@riversrhodell2359 that's awesome do you date either

[@riversrhodell2359]

@@liamodonovan6610 I'm in a longtime committed platonic relationship (queerplatonic), but I don't really "date". We were longtime childhood friends. But nothing romantic or physical. I would honestly love being single (in every sense of the term) if they weren't around. Though with my disabilities as they currently are, I do require living with other people just to be able to help me with some basic tasks and transportation needs.

[@liamodonovan6610]

@@riversrhodell2359 I really love being single iam not that interested in platonic relationships that much some people are just meant to be alone

[@riversrhodell2359]

@@liamodonovan6610 Absolutely. I think that's fantastic. It would take the stress of so many people if we were to normalize/destigmatize singleness. Being compelled to get into relationships "just cause" sucks.

[@jefferypowell9885]

I can imagine how bad it is to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night

[@LeilaDancer]

Disabled person here. I've struggled with dating as a disabled person but I think I've just meet lousy people. Google is great, if you have something that has a lot of info out there. My disabilities are not something with easy to find info. I'd rather just be asked in a compassionate way.

[@fearizabastard]

I wouldn't have an issue at all. More likely now, as I've become a recent (Feb 15th) RBKA myself. Most, if not all amputees can't control some of the things that cause them to become one. I had a rare diabetic disease in my right foot called Charcot, and all my joints and ligaments broke down in my foot, and my bone structure completely shifted. I tried a CROW boot for about 6 months. It rubbed against the side of my ankle, and eventually cause a big open wound that got severely infected. I had to have 2 surgeries. They took my ankle first and took a week to combat the sepsis I had. (Was told by the surgeon I was close to death on the Operating Table) They went a week later and took the next part of my leg. (left me with 8" below the knee) I get my prosthetic leg in 7 days. I don't see disabilities as a downside for people. Some of my best friends growing up had disabilities. I hung out with a guy in college who I wasn't sure exactly what he had, because it didn't matter to me, and he walked on hand crutches and had an arch shaped back. I constantly heard people's comments from other people when he walked by. It was hurtful to hear some of these things. In high school, some of the coolest people I knew were disabled or handicapped. I never bothered me at all. I was recommended your channel by a coworker who is wheelchair bound, and it's been one of the best things I have found. The information you have given has answered so many questions that the surgeons left me hanging with. I am a bit afraid I'm going to wind up having a 2nd amputation down the road like you did as well, because they left a part of my leg that was still affected by my peripheral neuropathy. Most days are ok, but some days really suck, and when you have PN, Phantom Pain comes in 10 fold when they hit together and desensitizing doesn't help a lot with it. I came out of my surgery in high spirits, and was crushing Physical Therapy when I was in the hospital for the 3.5 weeks I was there. I was so excited to get home.. Then I found the struggles of getting around a house, even a 1 level house inside, and then also having no exits from the house that did not have stairs. I've had 2 falls, and thankfully I braced really well for both and did not damage my stump leg. The expenses suck too trying to find stuff that works, especially when you are a heavy set guy like I am. Things aren't made for me. I would have loved the iWalk you use, but it doesn't support my frame. I can get away with a knee scooter as long as I only put weight on in for very short periods. But back to the video at hand, being a RBKA, and knowing the struggles someone goes through daily just with this really opens your eyes to everything else other people have to go through, and suddenly, you can see them in a different way. You suddenly look at someone and start thinking what they overcome to come out and interact or whatever it is they are doing. Seeing the struggle of having to fold a wheelchair up through 3 different door frames just to go to the bathroom, because I didn't have the strength to hop there on a walker in the beginning sucked and pushed me more than I've been pushed before. I overcame it, and can do it now, but it sunk me to a real low after being so energetic and "I'm gonna do this" attitude to "I don't even want to get out of bed today." Watching your videos, and seeing what you overcame as well, has helped me get back on the right track and has made me have a much more positive attitude. My biggest highlight was last week walking again in a prosthetic leg for the first time. (was the test one to make the real one) But, yeah.. Knowing what someone with a disability or a handicap (or however they choose to label it) would not throw me off from wanting to date them. To me, it shows willpower, determination, and the ability to stick with something if they are doing well with whatever they have.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

I went through with my father what you are going through right now. You are nearing the end of worst of it my friend, I assure you. My recommendation is to take very good care of your remaining foot. Dont hop with your walker, even if you are able, even if its more convenient. As much as neuropathy sucks, phantom pains can be just as bad if not worse. Im sorry you had to go through amputation twice, IMO you got some bad advise. We were told its considered wise to simply do a full BKA because the prosthetics for it are so much better, and a few more inches of calf arent particularly useful. But, whats done is done. It sounds like you are on the right path and taking things well all things considered. If you are a bigger guy it wont be easy, and you likely wont be snowboarding like our 95lb Jo here. But the power it will give you to live your life will be immense. After having a broken down foot and that damn crow boot, in the end it will be much easier than what youve put up with so far. I wish you luck, things will get better from here 😀

[@cheycheywilliams7767]

THIS VID WAS BEAUTIFUL,& INFORMATIVE TO ALL,VERY HEARTFELT😊...ALMOST HAD ME THINKIN I WAS PREGNANT AS EMOTIONAL I WAS .I LOVE YOU TOO JOE❤🎀💎💌👑

[@analuisa1214]

Something I really like is "I don't know much about it. If you feel comfortable, can you tell me a little bit about it so I am aware of it?". I'm autistic, which means I am disabled, but it's very different than other disabilities, so if I don't know something about it I try to ask the person but also giving them space to refuse to talk about it if it is their wish. It always works for me!!

[@mydisabledperceptionsa]

Hi Jo... would you ever do a video on dating from a disabled point of view?

[@riversrhodell2359]

She was or at least considered herself able-bodied when she got in her current relationship, I believe, but I would love a video on the topic in general.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Correct, she was married for a few years before her amputation. But she has plenty of experience with general medical issues, so she has some experience

[@VicandWes]

My boyfriend and I are both disabled. Two and a half years 💕

[@equesdeventusoccasus]

I met a guy at the VA physical therapy clinic who was missing an arm. He stared at my prosthetic leg and I realized I was looking at his prosthetic arm. We eventually looked at each other eye to eye started laughing and at the same time, pointed at each other's prosthetics and began quoting Michael Myers saying "mole, molely mole, mole, mole." We bumped fists and all was cool.

[@rogerorchard2317]

being disabled all my life (some born with, some I picked up though life) not asking the wrong question and spend days not say want you thing you think may upset me, can be far more wrong, just ask it, or say it and move on, normally thing wrong is just not acting as are normal people so I can not always get in the fount door if I can not get it, we go next door.

[@peterbumper2769]

for the able-bodied person, remember that we are also people, not an amputation. I don't mind answering a few questions about amp-life, but I am not an exhibit in a zoo, I have a life, I have things to do, I don't really want to spend 30 minutes being told by a stranger how I should be doing things differently Listen to the answers, read the body language, try to be aware that you have stepped over the line and change the topic

[@amandaking6554]

You know that thing where you go out in public in a wheelchair and people will talk to the person with you about you? My life hack for that was - marry another wheelchair user. It confuses the _;+_ out of some people. We can also share a hang tag, so that's useful I guess.

[@BlueMolly2024]

It depends on what disability they had. I’ve dated two men who are on the Autism spectrum (both have Aspberger’s), and one of the men was also totally blind. I’m legally blind, myself.

[@megan1mcevoy]

I am disabled myself and completely understand the worry people have as I was abled-bodied till I was 20. I personally would prefer people to say the wrong thing than to never say anything, sometimes it's even funny what happens. A recent funny instance was when one of my flatmates asked, "does that feel weird?" ( referring to my dog licking my leg at the time), I looked at her and smiled turned to look at my other flatmate who had also noticed she had fallen in the trap and was smiling. We waited for a few seconds for her brain to catch up. .... we all bursted out laughing.

[@saraquill]

I’m disabled, and have been with one person with an ambiguous disorder, and another with a visible disability. The latter was a huge jerk intent on reversing with my invisible issues with piles of verbal abuse. When I remained myself, he decided it was a failure on my part.

[@brently1973]

Lol i would date anyone (especially Jo she is like some kind of model or something) that made me feel attracted to them wheelchair or not. Able bodied or not. Whatever able bodied means after all nobody is disabled...you are YOU not a disability. Dont wait for good things to happen. You are the good thing. Much Love. Everyone hang in there in this crazy place we call earth :-)

[@melissaz6778]

As a paraplegic, I probably wouldn't just because having 1 disabled person in the family (obviously thinking long term), it would be hard and expensive enough. That probably makes me a bad person but I'm thinking realistically. Eg: If my partner had a fall or needed help in some way, I wouldn't be able to do it and I'd feel terrible. So it's not the fact that I don't want to date a disabled guy, it's more the fact that we'd BOTH be disabled and the issues that go with that.

[@stevenhenson2152]

Great advice.Thanks

[@prestigemultimediagroup6436]

Side note the trick to it is not acting like they are a disabled person just treat em like people in my experience thats all it takes

[@jarnev.9173]

Hi Jo, I'm from Germany...

[@heathergeorge6411]

This has nothing to do with the video, but where did you get that grey sweater? It's absolutely gorgeous and looks very comfy! Now on the subject of the video! I would date a "disabled person", i only put it in quotation because i see every one. I don't see race and or disability, I see people, I see gods children. Everyone is different nobody is perfect only perfectly imperfect and that in my opinion is the best kind. 🥰💜

[@ruthizred9090]

Yay new video! :) first comment! ^-^

[@FootlessJo]

Thank you for being here!!!

[@ruthizred9090]

@@FootlessJo I thoroughly enjoy it! :) You have wonderful videos and you are such an open-minded, understanding person! ❤

[@marikotrue3488]

Honesty is best. If that is not acceptable to either or both individuals in a potential relationship, the next step would be learning about yourself before trying to navigate a new relationship. Full disclosure, my disability is not apparent resulting in me having the luxury of observation and time before any discussion regarding disabilities begins.

[@darkiee69]

"Please excuse me if I say something wrong, or hurtful, and feel free to interrupt me if I do and tell me" And dating a quadriplegic would be hard since you're never alone. There's always assistants nearby. At least here in Sweden where assistants is a right.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Haha not a problem in America, nobody has an assistant! 🤣🙂😣😢😭

[@darkiee69]

@@skeetsmcgrew3282 Then it becomes even more of a problem really, then I would become a caretaker instead of just a boyfriend.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

@@darkiee69 Yes, that is indeed my problem with dating a disabled person in America. I have a disabled father, I know what its like for a person to rely on you for everything (up to a point). Its extremely unappealing to me in a partner

[@Honest-joe]

For me it very much depends on the disability, I have some difficulties myself, so I couldn't cope with full time caring for someone else. Does that mean I would get a divorce if someone I loved who was previously healthy fell ill? No, but I would need a lot of help, and it would put strain on me, possibly too much to bear. If it's something like a missing limb, where most of the time the person can get on with their daily life without much help, then sure I would date them lol

[@monkeystrongmedic4115]

I am the proud owner of a number of rare diseases one of which has yet to be named. If a friend came to me and said I did some research into CVID, HyperPots, IIH, etc. I honestly think that is the best thing a friend could do. I have to make sure if I am out with friends the know what is “normal “ and when my life is in danger. A base knowledge would help this so much.

[@lizkimber]

I think so much depends on the person and their disability and probably more how they cope with it than me in the sense of if they are happy and reasonably adjusted to their problem in the sense they arent a pitty party or overly obnoxious to the non disabled if i felt something then it would be worth a visit.

[@hnskinner]

I think for me it depends highly on how they are disabled. If someone needed a carer to assist in most basic physical tasks I don’t think I could. It would be very difficult for me to separate carer from partner. That and I’m a lazy asshole, which probably has a bigger part to play in this.

[@weaponeer]

I'm only a partial hand and partial foot amputee, would I date an amputee? you bet, but I'm 55, and that prevents many from looking my way as much as the disabilities.

[@josepalmar4078]

I love, Maracaibo Venezuela

[@dwightemery5694]

I survived a dual kidney/pancreas transplant in 2011, lost one organ in 2018... my donor's pancreas and it nearly killed me... and then lost my left leg three months later after that fact... most normal people could not handle the hell I have survived and the impossible odds of being alive at a trillion to one that even the organ transplants would work. Most normal people could never handle what I am, and not interested in them at all, to me normal people that have their health and all going for them in life are weak. They don't have what it takes to deal with a human like what I am, they have no clue, why should I even be interested when I have seen how little normal people understand about those that survive tremendous health issues and keep going in life and doing things like my last job... out performing perfectly healthy people ... and winning awards for it... being disabled? Fuck if I want to date any human that isn't strong enough to know and understand what it takes to survive impossible odds. I am a living tomb for my organ donor that was murdered, she was nineteen when she lost her life... but in each individual her living organs saved... and are alive in that survive... each of us is a living tomb, epitaph... and I personally am her Emery stone surviving with her left kidney in my body. I've had one person die for me literally in my life and sewn into my right abdomen below the rib cage in front with her living left kidney... and I was cut in a tremendously huge C section from the sternum down below my belly button and across when the lady that saved my life... her organs were sewn into my body, nearly completely in half when her pancreas and left kidney were sewn into my flesh. She is the best friend of my life and showed me what John 15 verse 13 means... why would a disabled person want to date a normal human that has no idea what love means on this level is my question? Why would I want to date a weak normal human that has never overcome impossible odds? I see it totally opposite of your point of view... to me people that can not survive impossible odds are too weak for people that survive impossible odds... or catastrophic health issues...as my insurance calls it... and I'm still alive nine years later despite the fact I should be dead and have died and been given blood transfusions to bring me back in emergency surgeries over and over again. Why would I want to date any human that is not on my level mentally? I don't want to date any human that is not on my level when this young ballet, lyrical and jazz dancer whom from age three to age nineteen did that professionally to the day she was murdered... and then since December 7th, 2011when her left kidney in sewn into my body that day started working before it was sewn in good... she has kept clean in this body 328 tons of my blood that should have been her blood if she had not been murdered... why would I want to date a human that is not on her level with what love means? John 15 verse 13 states... “13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man (or woman) lay down his life for his friends.” I do not want to date a person that is normal and has no idea what this kind of love means... nor have the strength to overcome impossible odds... at all... I'm not interested in dating normal people at all if they do not have the mind to understand this. They are not on the same level in my opinion... why would a disabled person want to date a normal weak human? I see this very different than all of you... to me most people have no idea what L O V E means... why would I want to date a person that doesn't understand it like I have lived it? I DO NOT wish to date any person NOT on this level mentally, PERIOD. Too weak... mentally and physically... in my opinion... and how I see it... my point of view... if people don't like it go fuck yourselves... I'm blunt as an Emery stone and living tomb for the best friend of my life, and love to me is willingness to die for the person you love... how many of you are truly on that level with another human in a relationship? I highly doubt many of you truly are... and I will not go after a weak human for a friend or partner in life that does not measure up to the high standard my donor showed me in action. She never spoke a word to me, but her action demonstrated tremendous love. The question you post in the video to me is interesting... but backwards... in my opinion. I wish you the best Jo... hope your husband loves you on the level my organ donor showed to me... having died to save the eight lives she did... loaning out living pieces of herself not dead at all cut into eight parts sewn into living flesh and living tombs in bloody darkness... her left kidney in my body is twenty eight years old... and I have two birthdays. I'm not interested in weak normal humans at all... that have no clue what love on this level means... my opinion... those that don't like my opinion you can go fuck yourself as well... like I care what any think after all the impossible I have survived with the best friend I have ever met in my life... Lady Morgan Leigh Judd... whom her left kiney is alive in my body, and all the mess I have survived through this, and a vein they removed out of my left leg to plug her living organs into my body... is the main reason I lost my left leg on July 9th, 2018 below the knee... and nearly died several times through that mess, not just bleeding to death when a line to my heart exploded during organ transplants... but also issues with the amputated leg busting it open, and when my donor's pancreas failed I was a hair away from death and I worked that day. I had gangrene in the organ and I worked that day... and that night extreme pain sent me into a point I ended up in the hospital, then two and half hour ride from a local hospital to my organ transplant hospital and my middle sister saved my life in that event... making the local hospital do that. Take me by ambulance to the organ transplant hospital, local hospital wanted to observe me three days and if they had I would be dead. Very few people have this kind of strength... to survive... or gift from God and the Universe above... I will not waste it on a weak human in a relationship in life at all. Why would a disabled person date a normal person is my question? You ask the question backwards in my opinion... very interesting... your point of view. Later Jo... hope your husband loves you on the level of John 15 verse 13 ... to a point if it was you or him that had to die... he would be willing to die for you... and you love him enough tht you would be willing to die for him. Maybe you should ask him that? Interesting... hope you two are getting along... makes me wonder why you post this... on that level today as well... are you and your husband doing okay? I wish you and your husband the best... and all your friends... that are real and not fake friends. Love and realtionships to me and this question I see this question a lot differently than the majority of you... to me normal people are weak. Why bother them with the tremendous struggle it takes to overcome impossible odds at all? Not many are truly willing to have to fight this hard for a friend in life, so to me they are not friends at all... just friendly people but not true friends... on the level it takes to prove LOVE is real. There is a huge difference in my opinion. And I will give my opinion for the lady that died legally and yet in each person that survives with her organs that part of her is still alive in each of us that survive. Why would a disabled person date a normal person is my question? A majority of normal people are not at all as strong as the disabled for all they survive in my opinion, they are weak.