Should You Take Your Husband’s Last Name?! with Rhona Eskander |

[@LizRivera3]

Am loving your podcasts! Have been binging on all of them. You face the issues head-on and I thank you for speaking up for those who cannot. I had changed my last name when I had married but once divorced I reclaimed my name and will forever keep my own name! You are doing an amazing job! Have shared your podcasts with my friends.

[@BeingHumane173]

Any husband who thinks his lastname is more important then his wife's simply because he is a man, should be ditched. Tradition cannot justify sexism. I dont want any biological kid/kids. But, for people who have kid/kids, Children should be given their Mother's and Father's firstnames as their middle and lastnames.

[@ShivaniPauPodcast]

this is such an interesting perspective!!

[@jacobthomas6136]

You woman want to devalue marriage go ahead don’t complain when your old fat and single

[@steve19811]

I'm glad you are saving many men some time. It's a dealbreaker for me....

[@ArloPear25]

So does that mean if you're on a sinking ship men can jump in the lifeboat first if they get there before the women?

[@LetsTalkHumanSkills]

I totally agree that we’re not done with tradition or culture. Nowadays we have more freedom to make this choice, but it doesn’t mean that we need to change our surname just because we can. Changing your name is a very personal decision. I’ve decided that I won’t change my name. I like my surname and I’m in an uncommon situation where I have the same surname as my mum and my maternal grandmother, which is something that usually gets lost along a line of women. I’d love to keep it to maintain that connection to them every time I see my name. My reasons are sentimental, practical and business-focused. Like many things, whatever you choose to do is valid 😊

[@JamieJenkins2001]

I totally agree with you and I'm keeping my last name for the same reason of loving how my first and last name sound together. My name is Jamie Jenkins and I think that sounds so pretty together. I don't want to lose that. Thankfully my boyfriend understands. But I see it as up to the individual, my older sisters changed their last names which I think is also cool. They support and accept my decision to keep my last name when/if I get married in the future.

[@alphacause]

I have no problem with women wanting to move past, what they deem to be, antiquated practices. However, if they insist on jettisoning tradition, then they should be *consistent* about it. If a woman thinks that taking a man's last name, when they get married, is out dated, then so is a man opening a door for a lady, expecting a man to protect a woman when she is in danger, expecting a guy to make the first move when starting a romantic relationship or expecting a man to pay on the first date. All these traditions are based on old ideas of gender roles. In fact, all facets of chivalry or what a "traditional" man is expected to do should be abandoned. You can't have your traditions a la carte without justification.

[@nikishah4736]

Lol but that’s the issue it’s never consistent and the man is expected to play the role of a gentleman while women can act as they want and please

[@natural3362]

Those traditions should be abolish. A new moral code should be made.. And that is everyone is expected to show compassion regardless of gender

[@rahmagulaid2233]

What if she is from a diffrent culture where it does not do that? What if her name is all she has left if her father or special and its dear to her? What if she want her ifentity to remain with her, al her acheivements, failures experiences and such are all wiped.If any women loves her spouse engough to do so then im am more than happy to but it is with people like you than men are braiwashed ti think that if a women doesnt change her name to his then she does not love him enough or respect him when that is 99% never the case

[@alphacause]

@@rahmagulaid2233 You apparently didn't grasp what I said. I have no problem with a woman not wanting to take a man's last name, provided that she should have no problem with a man not fulfilling his traditional expectations. The willingness to depart from traditional expectations should be equal.

[@natural3362]

@@alphacause traditions who are obsolete needed to be upgraded or replaced by modern values. For example, men opening the door changed to people opening the door to people in need. Replace or change traditions. For the men protecting women is a must or if you're fine with extinction, that's fine too.

[@MrsPetal]

My dad died of cancer in 2019 and my last name is all I have of him right now, nothing else tying me to my fathers legacy except the last name my grandfather gave to him.

[@MrsPetal]

My son from a previous relationship has his father’s last name, now he’s 20 years old he’s still keeping his father’s last name, to each their own.

[@Ari_diwan]

Shivani your podcast is unique and the topics you choose are always relevant to the problems we face, amazing job 🎉

[@ShivaniPauPodcast]

Thank you so much!!!

[@JohnMcclaned]

You should never force anyone to chage their last name. Women should be allowed to keep their Dad's name and they should always be allowed to have one foot in and out of the marriage at all times! Same with men too, they need to also be half in and out at all times. Always get their partner to sign a prenup. Half in half out on both sides with tentative commitment is the future! Everyone will get divorced anyway so it doesn't even matter!

[@MrsPetal]

My wedding on the 28th May 2024 and my husband is content with me keeping my last name, it’s a huge headache for not only me but then now my mom also has to change her will as well.

[@cryptojihadi265]

OMG. How did ANYONE ever pull ALL that off in the past?! Lmao!

[@sweeneytodd2420]

Why is it when a man has a standard that they aren't willing to compromise on for their own personal reasons... It's dismissed as "Ego"... If you expect the tradition of being proposed to with an engagement ring and having a wedding that's for you but want to get rid of the tradition of take the man's name, they'll just seem selfish.

[@natural3362]

For me I'll make a new surname for me. When i get married, my husband and i will create a new unique surname. Both of us leave our family and make our own family. Then the allegiance to the new house that we build

[@punamm571]

You both should do longer episodes - these are all interesting topics and thought provoking. I made the mistake of not thinking too much about my surname and now I’m going through admin hassle on all official documents but hopefully will get there 😂 (started off double barrel, then took my husbands name and now decided to go back to double barrel as am an only child and want to keep my last name as well as my new family name) out of interest on the podcast your opinion was that double barrel was “weird”- curious on why you think that?

[@BeingHumane173]

Short Answer : No. You dont have to take your husband's lastname. Why should always women compromise in a marriage. Men never take their wife's lastname. Then, why should women ? Anyways, thanks for the podcasts !

[@ShivaniPauPodcast]

truuuuth

[@Real982ax]

Bcuz he is men .

[@natural3362]

​@@Real982axand?

[@joebritt2185]

If you don’t take your husbands last, don’t expect him to buy you a ring. Don’t expect your husband to stay within his traditional roles while you change the roles of a bride/wife. Like most feminist and women they want change genders roles to favor the women. If roles change they should both change. You want wedding, then you pay for it. You want a honeymoon and the groom agrees then it should be 50 -50. If your groom doesn’t want to to wear a suit to the wedding that is his choice.

[@rahmagulaid2233]

What does her not taking the name really do to you though, why does it effect you so much,that it makes you so angry?????

[@joebritt2185]

@@rahmagulaid2233 I have no problem with women wanting to move past, what they deem to be, antiquated practices. However, if they insist on jettisoning tradition, then they should be consistent about it. If a woman thinks that taking a man's last name, when they get married, is out dated, then so is a man opening a door for a lady, expecting a man to protect a woman when she is in danger, expecting a guy to make the first move when starting a romantic relationship or expecting a man to pay on the first date. All these traditions are based on old ideas of gender roles. In fact, all facets of chivalry or what a "traditional" man is expected to do should be abandoned. You can't have your traditions a la carte without "major" justification.

[@joebritt2185]

@@rahmagulaid2233 Additionally, I am making a "rational" argument and you want to turn it into an emotionally argument.

[@IbnSaifi]

In Islam, it’s left to the woman. However, generally they are encouraged to keep their own name because Islam is a patrilineal religion, i.e. descent and identity is through the father. If you look at it traditionally in English society, women basically became the property of the man. Any property or wealth SHE had would become HIS and likewise she took his name signifying she belongs to him. No different to a slave taking his or her master’s name in the antebellum American south.

[@gitajain2428]

Oh god, you muslims will never leave a chance to glorify your extremely sexist ,misogynist, orthodox and women hating religion right?, your religion treats women the worst ,they have to wear that stupid thing over their head for god knows what and then your males can have 4 wives at a time and women obviously can't, women are slaved ,treated horribly, they are not educated,not given any basic human right ,not allowed to play sports and even they are blamed for if they are raped , go to hell

[@natural3362]

Yeah.. This tradition means the women become the property to men

[@matushka78]

If you don't want to take your husband's last name, all you're doing is keeping your dad's last name. If your dad is more important than your husband, you're not ready to get married anyways.

[@natural3362]

Then men don't get married because they prioritized their dad over the woman

[@DiagonalVoid]

My *dad* isn't more important, my identity is

[@natural3362]

@@DiagonalVoid true. I think women should have their own unique surname

[@paramadey2864]

I didn’t change my surname simply because it seems very complicated process to apply for a name change when you are professionally connected to many institutions and places nationally and internationally. My husband understands that. Sometimes he says with a sad funny face that you didn’t change your name to pinch me on a funny term. I say neither I like my surname nor yours so if I ever go through the hassle of changing then rather I’d chose a fancy surname 😅. And on a serious note - name doesn’t matter in our relationship that just a very very small or non exited part because what we share for each other is much more deeper and mature. He agrees. So either I change or keep doesn’t matter at all.

[@gitajain2428]

Its not really about legal documentation process to change your surname, its about if you really want to or not ,honestly in my opinion nobody should really change their surname whether its the husband or the wife , the guys marries the women ,doesn't buy her so its a stupid sexist concept plus your surname represents your identity so you saying that you would rather choose a surname which you like is idiotic cause its not to sound cool or fancy

[@natural3362]

​@@gitajain2428it's not idiot. People can choose their surname whatever they love

[@MrsPetal]

Don’t do something for the wrong reason and blame your spouse, the consequences are yours alone and your partner isn’t involved.

[@parth3337]

12:39 This part best ❤

[@sashadoom]

Great discussion covering all the bases. I don't have much to add on the surname topic. It's unlikely that I will ever get married, but if I did, I'd base my decision on which last name I like better. I would be interested in your thoughts on other aspects of the institution of marriage that also stem from tradition and from the historical roots of marriage as a transfer of property from one family to another. In particular, the tradition of a groom asking for the bride's father's permission to marry his daughter. Seems relatively innocuous, until you take a step back and look at it objectively. Why isn't the bride expected to get the groom's mother's approval? I've heard that it's a show of respect to obtain the bride's father's blessing; is the groom's mother not worthy of respect as well? Why are we involving anyone else in a decision being made by 2 consenting adults? It just reinforces the notion that a woman can't fend for herself or be trusted to control her own destiny or to know what is in her best interest. It adds a transactional element - passing the torch/burden from one man to another - that I personally find offensive and borderline creepy. I get that it makes sense in the context of child brides, but in cultures where child brides are not the norm, I see no good reason to engage in such infantilizing nonsense. While we're at it, can we also do away with the expectation that the bride wears white? To my understanding, a white dress is a symbol of purity/virginity, and is indicative of a double standard when you consider that the same expectation does not apply to the groom. Additionally, who wants to spend their wedding day worrying about keeping yards and yards of white fabric from getting dirty or stained? We can also find evidence of this disparity when we consider how, upon getting engaged, the woman wears a ring as a constant display to the world that she is "taken" or "claimed", while no such visual declaration of status is worn by the man. Lastly, it makes me hardcore cringe when at the end of the vows, the officiant pronounces the couple "man and wife" instead of "husband and wife". For perspective, flip it to "woman and husband". It's reducing one person to a role, while the other person retains their identity. In conclusion, there are many practices and traditions still in place that conflict with the idea of marriage being a partnership and not an ownership. Tradition isn't inherently bad, but is often an excuse to perpetuate archaic or irrational behavior that at best, serves no real purpose, and at worst, directly opposes adaptation to changing societal norms.

[@astriddececco3005]

There are many countries where you keep your last name.

[@Defender401]

I feel it's a terrible disgrace for women to not take her husband's name. What name will the kids have if she doesn't take his name.

[@moonpie7982]

You take your wife’s surname

[@rahmagulaid2233]

They can take their fathers surname just nit the wife, what familial connecrion does she have for him thag requires her to change her whole identity

[@parth3337]

❤❤❤

[@AdamMitchell-s5u]

If you are a man of value or your name means something never double barrel your name. You had to fight tooth and nail to rise up.

[@amitgautam1039]

2 dudes explaining how to break traditional setups and rationalising it through examples coming out because of masculine women

[@justinsmith7135]

Yes, a wife should take her husband's name upon marriage. It's an enduring tradition, and my wife was glad to take my name. Grow up and deal with it.

[@natural3362]

Only a dead man honor dead man tradition.. Plus it's misogynistic

[@DiagonalVoid]

No, she should not. She should do what she wants.

[@natural3362]

@@justinsmith7135 no, they should make a new surname to take.

[@MrsPetal]

The Barbie movie has good and bad parts to it.

[@lovethelordjesuspraisethel3286]

The Men are the Head..To love their wives as Christ Loves the Church..It is not abuse.. It’s Loving her.. IF you believe in God..

[@MrsPetal]

God and Jesus are not involved with the church, they don’t care about your 20 millions churches that they can send tumbling down.

[@MrsPetal]

The husband is only the head if his father is dead, your father is elderly and living in your house with you and your wife, your not the head yet, you’re the neck or an arm.

[@lovethelordjesuspraisethel3286]

@@MrsPetal if the guy lives at home not Married.. Once He is Married He IS The head of Their Household..Not the parents household..His Own..🙏🕊

[@natural3362]

​@@lovethelordjesuspraisethel3286one he is married he is not the head. He is one body with his wife