Shylily's Guide To Find Girlfriend

[@Nyanpasu_pasu]

I'm just completely oblivious to any hints unless someone tells me directly. Only after looking back at these instances, I realized those women liked me.

[@bunnysuitlewds126]

Ouch. Its even worse when they where good looking girls too, you find yourself thinking about it years later.... least i still do.

[@Nyanpasu_pasu]

@@bunnysuitlewds126 It's even worse when they looked good and you also liked them.

[@bunnysuitlewds126]

@@Nyanpasu_pasu Thats basically my life story summed up right there...

[@iCortex1]

pfff rookie, I've had a girl take a "nap" in my bed without taking the hint ...

[@spooky5338]

I don't bother with hints, screw that noise. If we are hanging out and you like me, tell me. I am far more likely to fall for someone who already likes me so long as they take care of themself and I find them even a little attractive.

[@h1r086]

I feel like maturity is being conflated with "emotional intelligence" here, which I'm a skeptic of in the first place.

[@Swordfish728]

EQ is something you can gain with experience, so it's sometimes correlated with maturity. It's not necessarily wrong. That said, like any skill, you can have talent at it so you get better earlier, or are dogshit and you have to put in more effort than others to stay at baseline, or else you never get it. This applies to both women and men.

[@fgkuv5232]

Emotional intelligence isn't a thing, but it's a good marker of a person who doesn't know what they are talking about

[@knut5328]

@@fgkuv5232 Emotional intelligence is a thing. do a quick google search. it's pretty much just understanding and picking up on your own and other peoples emotions. and then knowing what to do, or not to do about said emotions.

[@curvingfyre6810]

Emotional intelligence is basically a more technical term for maturity

[@ilisan]

Always thought EQ is reading the emotions of others and knowing how to act towards your goal in that situation, which has nothing to do with maturity. (eg diffuse a heated argument between two ppl before they start a fight (or agitate them more to see a good fight) or calming down your gf when she panics)

[@sumrix]

I think she doesn't understand what is emotional intelligence

[@jweezy15able]

Gents, you're taking advice from a woman contractually obligated to talk to you. Take her advice with a grain of salt. You want real advice? Every time a woman says something, add the words "I feel" and "right now" to the beginning and end of each sentence. Also, asking her questions relayed to what shes talking about will extend the conversion and make you look like a great listener. Lastly, if you want something serious and the only thing she seems to offer is sex, start doing all your interactions "finished" and see if you can tolerate her without sex on the menu. Because even in relationships where your both onboard for sex, the majority of time will be spent without it and you want to make sure you can be around someone like her full time.

[@Machivode]

Lemme just take a screenshot and post this everywhere so I don't forget

[@AdamUnfriended]

Shy Lily seems to mix up emotional intelligence with maturity. A lot of women, including her, have so much relationship experience that they sometimes confuse the two. Emotional intelligence often means understanding hints or subtle cues, like playing hard to get. Women might see guys who don’t pick up on these things as lacking emotional intelligence or lacking women's version of what maturity is, based on past experiences with guys who did get it. But real maturity is about being direct, talking openly about what you need and want, and having honest conversations. It's good to remember this for healthier relationships.

[@naomy1701]

men not picking up on "subtle hints" are by no means emotionaly uninteligent, its just that woman like to overthink and underact on their thoughts often, and think a "smile and 3 seconds eyecontact" is a hint to a guy, signaling him to approach her... well even i know that doesnt work, its just to much assuming and projecting and "playing it safe" tbh... men cant mindread, and a smile and 3 seconds eye contact might just as well (and way more likely) be nothing more than simple friendly behaviour.

[@AdamUnfriended]

@@naomy1701 Just because men aren't picking up on social cues or subtle hints at the start of a relationship, or even before one, doesn't mean they're not emotionally intelligent-I totally agree with that. Also, I’m 100% on board with the idea that men can’t mind-read, and honestly, neither can women. It’s really a thing for both sexes. I think a lot of times, people who think they’re experts on men or women assume they can understand the opposite sex, but in reality, it’s not like that. People are individuals, and sure, sometimes someone fits the mold, but most of the time, it’s not that simple. It’s as simple as communicating openly and honestly.

[@Tom88]

I am generally a bit wary of a woman that makes a particular point about she wants a guy with emotional intelligence, in my experience what they mean is - I want a man to be my emotional punching bag and not have to deal with any of his emotions and if you can't deal with that you literally are not a man. Not saying that Shylily or all woman are like this, nobody wants to be a domestic servant or completely responsible for another adult, just that its common thing that both men and women think they understand but don't.

[@techead23]

I've never wanted either one of those two. I already have a mother

[@7shinta7]

Exactly. I don't want a mother. I don't want a queen. I want an equal who relies on me and who I can rely on. But most of all I just want someone who I can vibe with.

[@NnH_Kairyu]

I'm just looking for a humble yet confident partner who doesn't break down easily and can work with me to figure out any problems. 😅 Being into cosplay would be nice.

[@DiogoSilva-uq2so]

Being into cosplay or being into furry fandom? 🤣

[@NnH_Kairyu]

@@DiogoSilva-uq2so Why not both? 😏

[@ponytoast1231]

What you are looking for is a femboy.

[@AndyOddman]

I got mixed feelings on this one. I respect that a man should be able to handle his responsibilities himself, but I would never accept a relationship with someone that look to do as little as possible in a relationship, ie "why should I have to do that when you should just be a grown ass man?"

[@SpieleSuchti894]

The more we talk about how many types of women there are, the more hopeless it is to find the right one.

[@Kyeudo]

There are as many types of women as there are women. No one conforms to an archetype perfectly.

[@EndoftheBeginning17]

There is no "Right woman" and there is no "right mann" what there are people that 1. You are initially attracted to, 2. Act in a similar to you and have a personality that is compatible (this is the hard part, but it doesn't have to be exactly matching just compatible enough you don't fight for stupid shit and don't act all weird and reactionary

[@tristanribeiro7903]

That's a bit technic, explained like that, but it's understandable

[@Aleas10301]

I'm no longer worried about nothin

[@monmusuaficionado2132]

Saddest reality check :(

[@bellzhellz5922]

Emotional intelegience = being independent or just responsible??

[@Rising_Pho3nix_23]

I want someone that treats people how they want to be treated. Not better, not worse. That's the most important thing to me. After that, I want someone who enjoys learning and trying things. And I've been single now for about 5 years. Part of it is my medical issues and trying to get medically stable, but I haven't even gotten that far in the search.

[@Shione_Starlight]

Tbh neither of these don’t sound appealing to me…I don’t want to be placed lower then them and I don’t want to be treated like a kid…I also don’t want to treat my partner as a kid either…..guess I’ll just stay single lol. i find it crazy how people don’t attempt to “cancel” Lily for saying “looks matter” because that’s been her stance since forever. I respect her honesty and consistency. but when guys say it they get called out for being shallow. Amazin…lol

[@ArlindoBuriti]

somone needs to be in charge... staying single is a must if you don't want to take responsability for things other people do, you woman will depend on you for alot, but for everything is kind of crazy, like you, treat like a kid, but is not what she is saying... she is saying that if you depend on her for any emotional support, over... she will never do shit for you... and she only wants do extract... extract... extract. at least she is honest.

[@SpieleSuchti894]

what does any of this have to do with emotional intelligence? what even is the definition of that?

[@Kyeudo]

She's talking about being aware of emotions, both your own and those of others. If you can't read cues, you'll never know the difference between when someone wants to be alone and when they want a hug.

[@Psivox69]

Nah, back to gooning.

[@Bioguy5]

Fellas, don't just be yourself. Be the best version of yourself. The version your kid-self would look up to and your elderly-self will be proud of.

[@Clamyrro]

I legit thought it was living on your own as an independent person that was the biggest turn on. Believe me, I did legit believe that.

[@jweezy15able]

It's a turn on to women who don't value you as much as they value your wealth. It's hygiene and visible interactions with other women that really send good vibes.

[@Disappointed_Philosoraptor]

Evolutionary psychology strikes again. what she said, in order: > Looks matter first, everything else is only a factor after you "get your foot in the door" via looks > the man should be fully independent both emotionally and otherwise, meaning he shouldn't depend on her to fulfill his needs Examples: - "the most 'river-drying' experience is when you realise you are their [...] caregiver, caretaker. [...] when they appear emotionally younger than you" - in other words, she is repulsed by men which rely on her for their emotional well-being - She later lists having to do the mans laundry and having to "take care" of him as undesirable - "decisions" just means that most women tend to want men to call their own shots - she describes herself as "I don't wanna be a mother, I want to be a wife"

[@Seamus.Harper]

Am I crazy or isn't it kinda the job/point of a spouse to be the emotional caregiver to their partner...? I would to that for my wife anytime without question. But on the other hand, care giving is my form of love language.

[@yannishelms8635]

So, she wants a father, not a daddy.😂😂

[@wrimbo2883]

You have put into words what ticked me off with this video.

[@achillesa5894]

Let's not pretend looks don't matter for us men either lmao. It's just the way humans are.

[@Machivode]

@@wrimbo2883 funny how it never seems to go both ways. assuming you take care of yourself if she can't be an emotional caregiver at all does she even have real emotions for you?

[@LordGravewalker]

don’t ask a fish how to catch fish. Ask a fisherman

[@bako8880]

And the 190-tall handsome "fisherman" says something like "just be chill and confident, bro, and she'll fall into you". That will surely work for me, yeah.

[@KorporalNoobs]

I rather take the women on that one, as I don't care for the relationships of the type who then claim to be "experts" about it.

[@BladeBloodTear]

@@bako8880 It can work. Woman like dudes who seem like they have control over what's going on. The advice is vague, but really true. Best way to do that is to meet a girl in an environment that you thrive in. Whether it be in a hobby, a career, or even around friends you have to just show you're the one in control. If she likes that it becomes easier to talk to her and eventually date. if you have nothing you thrive in, then that's where you start.

[@HennyESP]

im with the fish on this one, you aren't getting anywhere with women if you're over the age of 16 and can't do laundry or cook something as simple as eggs. The only women women can get away with stuff like that is because the fear of dying bitchless is so prevalent (not all, bust some) men that they're willing to put up with bs from chicks. Can't say the same for women.

[@Nerodotnet]

Feels a bit weird about comparing women to fish lmao

[@guillermorobledo2842]

🤣 I now know why Lily is how she is.

[@Demon666x3]

Sliced shylilly is back? I didn't know.

[@JackDespero]

It is so true. The older you get, the clearer it becomes that you want someone at your level. I want an equal partner, not an immature adult who behaves like a child.

[@darealbukchoyboi]

i am confusion

[@thezabrak650]

I think a good microcosm of this is that, at the doctor's office I work at, most of the older male patients do NOT track their appointments or medical information; "My wife handles all that stuff, I can't keep up with it." I would NEVER think that was an ok situation, but it is very common. Edit: Wanted to add that I saw this idea Lily is talking about summed as this: Most guys don't want a wife, they want a bangmaid.

[@anthonymason9855]

Yeah im stupid lol

[@ArlindoBuriti]

you are not... she just want a father... simple as that.

[@anthonymason9855]

@@ArlindoBuriti It was a joke dude lol

[@Dasaltwarrior]

Since ppl are having issues with this, emotional intelligence literally just means you understand what yourself and others are going through emotionally, and or are willing to go the extra mile to do so Things that show a lack of emotional intelligence is stuff like being reactionary, quick to shut down, quick to anger, and not taking the steps to change or mitigate any of these Having emotional intelligence demonstrates that not only do you have life experience, but you've taken steps to learn from said experiences to make life smoother for yourself and others Its basically just the ability to self-reflect

[@dwishs]

The problem is that many women understand emotional intelligence as your emotional detachment. That is, you shouldn't go to a woman with your emotions, weaknesses, or comfort, otherwise they will see it as taking care of you - as Lily put it - "mothering". So any emotion that doesn't bother her, okay. But men are not soulless machines, they often look for a partner in order to find emotional support in difficult moments, not to mention how rarely they get compliments or any positive emotions from someone.

[@fgkuv5232]

Emotional intelligence isn't a thing, and has never been one

[@traductus3337]

@@dwishs this is the thing she explained, those guys looking for a partner that emotionally support them, look at the wrong type of women. Those guys need a "mothering" type of women. But you are right if you say, that the majority of women look for a guy that has his sh*t together, because you have to see it from the other side, many women are not emotionally intelligent and look for a partner that grounds them, offer some sort of stability and protection and a guy, that is in control of his emotions and acts rational and not impulsive. That doesn't mean, you have to lack emotion and be like a stone, rather act responsible despite how you feel. Thats what "be a men" used to mean.

[@LucRio448]

@@traductus3337 Issue is, they look for a guy who doesn't look for a woman who emotionally supports him - while they still expect him to emotionally support them 24/7.

[@a13m34]

sigmund freud is laughing at us in his grave right >:[

[@LucRio448]

I mean I don't care that much about a guy who is like "oh, that clearly is a penis" at literally anything that is roughly rectangular :D

[@tobiasharnisch4155]

My first mistake: my emotional puberty started with 19 and ended with 22. No joke. This mother, father, child kink some people have I never will understand.... I still don't get this "emotional intelligence" part. Does she mean how grown up someone is or how someone is able to live alone? All I want is a partner that love me for myself. That doesn't hates me for my unsocial behaviour and can like my chaosly and than again chilled character. I mostly say about myself "I'm everything and nothing". I don't want a "mommy" or a mothering type. I want to be able to be myself which also means doing things my way. Cooking, cleaning aso and I can do it but I'm that depressed that I rarely do those things... 5:51 the way she is doing it... I want to ship her with the streamer Staiy who also likes doing that. XD 7:59 okay now I feel insulted. XD" I'm introverted and lonely but don't drink and don't want this type of woman.

[@Dasaltwarrior]

Emotional intelligence just means that you have an understanding of your emotions and the emotions of others, that you're able to self-reflect and use that to relate to others when necessary The more emotional intelligence you have, the more situations you'll be able to quickly diffuse or mitigate as you gain life experience In other words, you gotta be a therapist for yourself and others to some degree

[@LaserPenguinGames]

it's hard to tell what you are getting into your first few relationships but then you learn to avoid both mothering and mommys if your looking for an actual partner. The problem is that you can also end up with a girl who also acts like a child if you want a more submissive one. So in conclusion dating sucks in 2024 anyways good luck out there everyone.

[@ShionChosa]

Wow the formula for low EQ success totally fits the Big Bang Theory

[@Nerodotnet]

Shylily has such nice handwriting!

[@starblursd]

The way Lily is calling me out and exactly describing my past relationships. I need the mothering type and simultaneously can't stand being treated like a child and become toxic in response 😭. Alone forever is the way

[@starblursd]

It's not that I'm incapable of adulting I'm just neurodivergent as hell and often just shut down and need told to do things... Which then pisses me off and I get toxic... So I just don't think I'm meant to have anyone in my life

[@OsquareSphereO]

@@starblursdhey man as a fellow bad brained person, don’t give yourself such a hard time. I actually empathize with how you feel about this video a lot and can only say, lily’s got a little bit of a bad take here. “Mothering” women aren’t what is good for you, as you have noticed. You simply need someone who can live with the struggles you face. They don’t need to solve your problems (if you are like me, that’s probably what you had done to you for most of your childhood) they need to have patience for your failure. Gentle reminder that most people can end up seeking out the same bad solutions to their problems because that’s what they’re used to. The right one is out there for you, you just have to broaden your horizons and be brave. For my own sake, I believe in you!

[@starblursd]

@@OsquareSphereO yea I didn't take it too serious as far as what I need as much as a scarily accurate account of what I've gravitated towards in the past and the exact experience I had with them

[@OsquareSphereO]

@@starblursd Totally! I didn’t mean to wax poetic either. I just heavily related to you and I guess had to talk some confidence into myself. Always nice to know that someone shares an experience.

[@635574]

I'll say what moat guys want but cannot even say because society. A hot waifu harem.

[@Drewer]

How is it like to have Emotional Intelligence? I don’t have it 😢

[@OsquareSphereO]

Luckily for you, the one consistent thing that researchers seem to say about EI is that it is trainable. Practice introspection and active empathy and you will definitely get better at these things. (Not doing laundry I don’t think that’s related tbh)

[@ForFutureReference2]

Lily is Based. Valid opinion

[@DamonDakota]

Lily is such a good teacher, loved watching this!

[@draider8112]

Smart stuff

[@Adromelk]

Hearing a woman talk about emotional intelligence is pretty hilarious to me, NGL And I like Lily. She seems to have missed the mark here entirely and conflated Maturity with Emotional Intelligence which i'll be blunt again, is what made me laugh. P.S. Fellas, When it comes to fishing, you don't ask the fish for advice, you go to the fisherman.

[@YukiyamaMakito]

And the fisherman says the generic advice that is as always some variation of "Be attractive".

[@naomy1701]

thats all nice and good but that sounds more like a maturity thing and not like emotional inteligence, for the most part lol

[@jaylannasweet8492]

I have never seen this as well explained as she explains it. XD

[@SIGMADUCKYZ]

Smarts or looks? it does not matter. both can be improved to how to you like it

[@emsharingan8639]

Step 1 Be attractive Step 2 Don't be unattractive There are only 2 rules

[@dav2mai]

-EQ- Maturity -Queen- Brat

[@JackDespero]

3:05 That reminds me of a joke that Taylor Tomlison said about her perfect man, paraphrasing: She doesn't want a loser, he wants a winner, and she wants to break him and make him her loser. These men do not want a motherly gf. They want an independent gf and break her into becoming their caregiver.

[@helloScuffed]

Being a servant to your boss at work is fine, while taking care of your family is seen as slavery, thats wild. But you do you, I guess. 🤷‍♂

[@JackDespero]

@@helloScuffed Nah, what is wild is that I said I like chocolate and you yelled at me for hating strawberries. But you do you, I guess.

[@helloScuffed]

@@JackDespero It's wild that you don't know what the video excerpt you are referring to is about. Ohh, so I was yelling at you, that's nice to know i guess. 🙄

[@hyzenthlay7151]

Have you noticed how a lot of latino guys that like to go about like they are all macho and everything love to use the word "mami" to refer to attractive women?

[@david0z018]

creo que se ha contaminado la percepción por las letras de canciones latinas, pero no es muy diferente de como las canciones en inglés hablan de papi o bebé, no creo que nadie use estos términos de manera literal

[@Hary-iv6oo]

Very helpful

[@starchuux]

I love your new model soooooooo much

[@oooalonsonacho6935]

Emotional intelligence is absolutely the most important factor to relationships in general. I was taught this in Psychology and people with high E.I have a lot of success in life. More so than I.Q.

[@OsquareSphereO]

Honestly this feels like a little bit of a bad take from Lily. Very much feels like she’s just had a bad experience (or a few) and is now constructing a type of man based off that. I obviously am only guessing but she’s pretty vaguely conflating men with low household and organizational skills, men that lack initiative and low emotional intelligence. None of which I necessarily think correlate? I fully understand that she doesn’t want to provide this labor in a relationship but the fact that (as she states) those men don’t want mothering GFs either, should hint that there is an underlying difference and incompatibility in outlook and personality, rather than “low EI men being worthless pieces of shit” 7:04 So yeah, that seems personal…

[@OsquareSphereO]

Wow she got even more aggressive in the last minute. I’m sure she has good reason for being angry, but don’t let this get to you if you’re a guy that’s insecure about any of those attributes. (Like you know me with my attention deficit) There is someone right for everyone, not every relationship needs clean laundry.

[@DaytimeRoom]

are we back??

[@nenee3]

helpful

[@Mech299]

This video is such a great quick and dirty guide to the pitfalls of certain relationships and why. Personally, I like to think that I have a decent amount of Emotional Intelligence, and that's not me assuming, I have receipts- but my preference IS the mothering type. Not BECAUSE she'll do all that for me and treat me like a boy, but because I can trust her to value putting someone else above herself, just like I would. It's when the other person in a relationship is more invested in something other than themselves and their own needs that a relationship can go forward. Because a relationship is like a symbiotic creature attached to your the two (or however many, because it applies to more than just romantic relationships) of you, it feels like a tangible presence that needs to be cared for and appealed to, rather than just the other person. So when you're both committed to taking care of the emotional needs of each other and making sure the good of your partnership is healthy? THAT is the recipe for a long-lasting relationship; and it takes a certain kind of person.

[@Bozzyman2]

You sound like Lucy pyre with an accent, y’all use the same voice changer?

[@DanielKim526]

I M DADDY!!!

[@nenee3]

Hii

[@Aeronor2001]

"With his, how I put this nicely, peers" Brutal!

[@MrwolfCovarrubias]

Why are you always say men have to work on themselves because when you are with women, good character, they want to be secure happy I know that you will not destroy their lives with childish nonsense

[@helloScuffed]

If you want to be a wife, you must also be fit to be a mother. The whole ridiculous "I'm not your mother" argument just says that the woman who says this is not fit to be the mother of a child, because since she doesn't care about her man, she won't really care about his child either. The problem with modern dating is that women have no idea what men are looking for and expecting from a relationship. And as for domestic chores, how is it supposed to work? Each one cleans, cooks, does the dishes, does the laundry for himself? Then why live together anyway? Many women these days don't want to be married, they just want to have a wedding and be a bride in a white dress.... Well, with this mindset it's a slim chance of that, considering that only 6 men in 1000 get married these days. 🤷‍♂

[@Kyeudo]

You've just told everyone that you are immature and don't respect women. Maybe rethink your life.

[@helloScuffed]

@@Kyeudo Why should i?

[@Kyeudo]

@@helloScuffed Because you are a social pariah, are setting yourself up for psychological damage, and the only women who would have a relationship with you are the broken and abused. You sound like an incel.

[@StiveGuy]

The fact that teenagers/20's are dating is wild. They're basically children.

[@StiveGuy]

Also most men are emotionally stunted. We weren't raised to deal with emotions.

[@denisemiles7099]

What are your opinions about olives?🫒

[@Jesse-2531]

I don't get it🫤