Sick of Feeling Bad About Being Single? WATCH THIS | Matthew Hussey

[@jacquelinemcgarry9820]

I am 36 and have been single for 90 percent of my life. I really, really appreciate you doing this video. I sometimes feel so alone in my thoughts. I talk about this insecurity in therapy during every session. All of my friends are married, engaged, or in relationships, and I feel so pathetic. I feel unlovable. I have never been in love. I feel so frustrated. I feel like everyone pities me. I am very liked...I don't get the disconnect. I am not unattractive. I am not mean. I am funny. I am finally a bit successful. I had no father...I know it affected me. But I often feel so mad...there are so many mentally unhealthy people I know, who DON'T have a problem reeling them in...I even convince myself I don't want kids to soften the blow that I likely won't. The loneliness is crushing. I don't know how to not notice it every single day. Just the other night, my engaged friend was talking to me on the phone, and mentioned that he's inviting my mom to the reception. I thought it was funny...until I realized he was doing this because GOD FORBID I'm alone at the reception.

[@Lisa-ip4ji]

I hear ya! Pretty much my situation too. I'm 42.

[@rural_girl555]

im younger but i cn relate

[@yasdaiana]

@b0nnar00 same, we’re all crying

[@Supsup7777]

I am 42. I was engaged once but had to break it off. I would like to be married, but have not found the right man yet.

[@NoName19984]

@@Supsup7777 I hope you have no regrets from your breakup.

[@Taisha12001]

Rushing into a relationship just to prove "there's nothing wrong with you" does more harm than good. People are so much more than their relationship/marital status.

[@miriamagia1447]

100

[@shwetanavani480]

Tell that to my mother

[@carlosverde-datingtips7001]

I hear ya - Taisha! If you’ve been cheated on, don’t close off your heart to love - learn from it, and move on! (I know it’s easier said than done) You’re not the first person whose trust have been betrayed, nor will you be the last. It’s ok, it’s part of life. Just work on yourself before you get into another relationship, and you’ll be much smarter, and more alert this time - and you’ll be able to recognize the red flags a lot quicker when things are not going the way they’re supposed to. And remember, what doesn’t kill you - can only make you stronger! Cheers! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips

[@deez4evs]

You’re right but society shows that us every day. Everything is geared to couples and romantic relationships. It sucks.

[@samwebb1014]

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻❤️

[@SinaHHaynes]

This is an amazing video, I really needed to watch this. I’ve been stuck in the pain of losing my husband. I used to think breakups were easy, but now that my husband has left me, I feel completely broken. I can’t even eat or take care of our kids! I need him back so much. I’ve tried everything to get him back, but he doesn’t want our marriage anymore.

[@AndreaJWheeler]

I feel your pain, dear. I don’t think anyone can truly understand the pain I went through when my partner left me. I couldn’t have children, and I thought I would never get through it. But then, a friend of mine introduced me to a spiritual counselor, and he helped me reconnect with my partner. Now, I’m happy with my husband, and we have two beautiful kids.

[@SinaHHaynes]

Wow, that’s incredible! Please, who is this counselor, and how can I reach him? I don’t think I can bear this pain any longer.

[@AndreaJWheeler]

His name is Father Akabu. You can look him up I’m certain he can help you. No one should have to go through this kind of pain.

[@SinaHHaynes]

Thank you so much, you are an angel sent by God. I’m definitely reaching out to him.

[@emilymichelle158]

This hit really hard. Hearing Audrey say exactly how I feel everyday and how frustrating it can be and how you feel like there’s something wrong with you that you can’t see it. It’s a hurting that none of your friends understand because they’re all married. It’s also scary because a lot of that h want out of life depends on finding not only a partner but the right partner

[@justinbrockwell8396]

Very true. And I understand it well, I have always been a guy that from a young age, wanted a wife and family. But life chose otherwise for me, and I have found peace that it hasn't happened. I have a full and happy life with lots to offer, and all that is because of the path I took to get here. I hope you find peace in what life has given you, and appreciate that having a partner is sometimes not always the be all and end all to life. Imagine the missed opportunities if you HAD been married?

[@kamrudkd]

researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue. People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her. A lot of guys have never had that. This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that. The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow) Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society. What are we seeing in the west now? Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels. White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes. Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends. White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle. With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic. Peace

[@shimmer410-o2i]

Yes or being a teen and seeing your other teenage friends can be just as hurtful and also this sort of stereotype put on women that a woman can't do anything without the protection of a man and if she doesn't have the protection of the man then she's unworthy of love,something is wrong with or she's not feminine/sexy enough.

[@amylenoir345]

very true!!!!

[@marksilgram80]

wow you are really beautiful how are you single? Been single for nearly 12 months and still struggling with it after getting out of a 14yr on and off relationship. I realise this you tube video was 2 years ago so you prob not now and if you're not single now then I hope you've found someone who really appreciates and loves you.

[@TwoSugarsandMilk201]

Wow Audrey’s spot on about being terrified of not getting something you want most in your life, but nothing is certain regardless. Even if you have it you can lose it. That thought sort of eases the pressure.

[@kristenk708]

How can you lose it though? Not sure I quite got that part. If two people who love each other have found each other... how can you lose that?

[@TwoSugarsandMilk201]

@@kristenk708 one person changes their mind, stops feeling that way towards the other/ break up, or one of them dies. Those are the ways I can think of losing it. But I guess sure the one thing you can’t lose is the memories if that relationship passes.

[@MS-ns4ki]

Everyone is happy I am alone .

[@lalaacosta4818]

I can't deny it, or lie, or hide it, I am absolutely bitter about being single. And a lot of it has to do with the very fact that I know that being in a relationship is better than being isolated and disconnected and lonely all the time. Scarcity is truly real and depressing and frustrating and yes I am sick of being rejected and left out and unwanted and thrown away so easily all the time. All that the majority want is sex and secret hook ups in my area. I cry all the time. I hate my life because of this!

[@ichigomgx]

I resonated with this comment so much

[@victory9127]

Damn I can relate to everything you said

[@SonyeoMargit]

*hug*

[@Cagedbird1988]

You just described what I feel every single day. Don't have any comforting, wise words to share, but you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. 🖤

[@hollymcgrath7216]

Know exactly how you feel and it sucks

[@thematthewhussey]

I’ve been loving reading these beautiful a new thoughtful comments everybody. Thank you for honestly sharing your challenges, your pain, your vulnerability, your fears, and your beautiful and positive insights. This community means so much to me, and to my team. I’m really excited for you to this the new video coming this weekend, and I’m so glad you liked this one. Thank you all for being here, and thank you for commenting, your presence here means so very much. ❤️

[@theharshtruthoutthere]

Being single gives us the full freedom to get right with GOD, to build into existence once lost relationship, between GOD and creation, between PARENT and child. 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 KJV 32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. this world presents love as lust, and if you`re not always touched, then you are not loved = lies and fear propaganda. All of it because the MK ULTRA PROJECTS from masons. John 15:13 KJV Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. And being ALONE (not on your own) does bring forth sober mind. What I have witness in my short life so far is, souls get together for money and because they are bored and the 3th reason is, the pressure of peers and older generations. “People around me repeated daily, get married and have children and move out, so I did. Am I happily living after? NO, i`m bitter, angry, sad, broken, in fear, heavy leaden, in darkness, always in somewhat contests with people around me, who has something better, something more and so on…, I succumbed to the fear of the opinions about my life of others, thats the hurtful truth.” We start feeling lonely, because we are on our own, lonely comes not from BEING ALONE. We all suffer of something and as we like “diagnoses” then lets diagnose ourselves: too often in the company of people, leading us to fear ALONE TIME, which each soul needeth. The cure for all of our problems are: ALONE TIME AND BIBLE. KJV Bible says; Matthew 6:31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? Luke 12:22 And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. Matthew 6:25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

[@toyajohnson6290]

I feel this to my core... My brother just announced that he is getting married. I'm really so happy for him because he's worked hard to turn his life around after some rough teenage and young adult years. However this now leaves me as the only single/non coupled among my cousins. I'm 45 and I feel so alone & left behind. I have a cousin who's a year younger and he became a grandfather AND a dad again in the same year. It's such a struggle to stay positive about meeting someone & the pandemic didn't help. I'm not jealous of those who found love or are happy. I'm on Plan J at this point and I've had to make peace with a ton of junk. So I'll continue to pick myself up every day and keep going forward knowing that I can only take it one step at a time.

[@avalonmist254]

Plan J I like that 😅

[@missNCW]

You deserve a great man ❤️

[@nadia_manjate]

You sound like such a wonderful person! Keep your heart widen open and head up! ❤️❤️I’m sending you so much love and light and maybe we should exchange details and I can get you a match in South Africa and vice Versa😅 Keep well

[@bollagurl]

Keep going I’m going through this now. It’s especially hard when no one understands because they were all married young

[@mariac6280]

trust me, you're not alone. I'm kind of in the same situation, but I won't let anyone steal my thunder. I'm loving life right now. Enjoy yours.

[@adnamahad9678]

To see the man that changed my life and so many women's lives find his true love I'm so happy for you Mathew and she is beauty with brains Audrey

[@nitika008]

I felt so connected to this one. I am divorced and single. After I got divorced I never went back into the dating world and the reason was I wanted to recover and heal myself first. I have been shamed for being single by my neighbors, relatives from time to time.If I am doing well at my job and getting good performance review then I was told oh you don’t have kids & family so that’s why you were able to manage. People have also told me oh you live by yourself so you don’t have any liability. Sometimes I wonder how this society can be so discriminating towards single people.

[@ANDJELINA]

Ow that sucks so much. i live in a big city and Im over 30 and a few of my friends are single and a few are married. And they all accept me. They know me. They know how I function and they said to me, dont rush. Eventually you will find him but dont rush. And my single friends enjoy their time by doing fun things, hobbies. Just doing things they love. And fill their time with it. Its a bit stupid that your surroundings are shaming you, it says more about them how bad they are than about you.

[@aszifaris7689]

Forget about society. Focus on u.

[@npkrn6764]

I'm in your position - single. Although I've always been single - never married. I've gotten more comments over the years more about having no children than being married necessarily, but those two things are intertwined. In quite moments or down-times in my life, I have had self doubts about being single. But most of the time, I don't have a complex about it or feel like a less valuable human being. I am lucky in that I am an only child so I can be alone just fine. Even within relationships I've had I need a lot of "away time" to be by myself. So many people are WAY too needy by my view so screw them! I've told people who have made shaming comments to me to: 1. Get a life. 2. I've said to them ... well if YOU were SO happy in YOUR relationship, why would you care about my situation? 3. Or I've said to people who are in a BAD relationship---- Well maybe if you spent more time tending to your shitty marriage, you would be better off and not so focused on me! 4. I've also said--- Are my decisions or life circumstances affecting your life in some way?? ----Obviously the answer is NO! SO....then it's none of your concern. ---Believe me, after word gets around how you throw their intrusive rudeness back at them - the crowd starts to leave you alone (family, friends, whoever). Those are just a few things I've been known to say. Let's face it, most people are unhappy in their relationships. The divorce rate has hovered around 50% in the U.S. for 2-3 generations, and it's even a higher number if you marry under age 25, so 🤷 these people are in denial and unenlightened and emotionally immature IMO. I have never, and will not ever settle for anything but a deep connection with not only love and attraction, but a mutual respect and trust too. I'm honoring myself by doing that, and not hurting anyone. Those are things most people don't do. They don't have a strong sense of self. They aren't comfortable in their own skin, and they lack courage. Stay strong! ❤ You're not alone at all. Many of us in your situation are out here :)

[@nitika008]

@@npkrn6764 Thank you.This was inspiring and encouraging.

[@camellia8625]

They sound jealous of the opportunities being single affords you.

[@crystalanamericaninsicily]

The next time someone asks you "are you still single" Ask them "is your Partner still in love with you" A person in a good relationship would never ask are you STILL Single.

[@mandyself5447]

There is nothing wrong with being single. It is better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. I am single and I do not feel alone. I felt more alone in my marriage and past relationships than I do now. Learning to be with yourself, to be your own best friend is the best feeling ever.

[@meganwildhood3893]

Amen! It is so much better to be with no one than the wrong one!

[@8309barbie]

Maybe I’m the only one but I’d rather be in a bad relationship then none at all. Dating is effing miserable and I’ve been single for so long idk what it means to have a partner anymore. I’ve been on over 200+ online first dates and it’s exhausting when it never goes anywhere . What they don’t discuss is the need for some of us to settle down and have children. For those that want that “white picket fence” dream and wind up only getting matched with men who don’t even want a girlfriend it is fucking miserable

[@meganwildhood3893]

@@8309barbie I BADLY want all of those things, too, and I'm probably am too old now to get some of them. I hate dating so fucking much as well. But as someone who has gone through a divorce, I stand by my statement: I want love more than anything but I will never, ever be with the wrong person ever again. That is the only thing that was more miserable than dating.

[@8309barbie]

@@meganwildhood3893 I’ve never been married and I’ve been single almost 5 years. I constantly get asked by dates the whole “dang you’ve been single that long what’s wrong with you?” Which makes me feel awful and it just adds to pressure. I’m almost 40 so I definitely feel like I’m running out of time. Unfortunately I have no family and I just moved to a new city where I know no one, I have no friends here so it’s not like I can focus on other things or friends etc.. all of it just highlights what a failure I tend at times to think I am.

[@meganwildhood3893]

@@8309barbie Honestly, it sounds like there's something wrong with their dates that they would feel like it's okay to say shitty things like that to you. I know that doesn't fix it, but I wouldn't give people who feel fine saying such shitty things to others that much power over me. I know what it's like to move to a new city where I know no one and then have the friends you finally make there all completely betray you because of the sin of another person, including my husband, so I can really empathize there. It can be really hard. And I won't lie and say I don't feel like a failure as a divorced past-mid-30s woman struggling to get past poverty wages because I can't figure out what I want to do with my life at all so I keep having to start over and have not had the best social skills in the past so I burned bridges I wish I hadn't but can't go back now. But I will say that the most important work I've done on myself has been to begin to detach myself from the feeling of failure because I'm not in a relationship. Me not having something I really, really want doesn't make me a failure, nor does anyone THINKING something's wrong with me actually mean something is wrong with me. Easier said than done/felt, I know. For what it's worth, I don't think there's anything wrong with you because you're "still" single and I'd a few strong words for those people who are asking you what is.

[@alwaysunapologetic]

It seems to me that people fall into two categories. Those who are looking for a relationship and those who are looking for the right person. People who are looking for a relationship want what the relationship brings and are not too fussy about who the relationship is with. I've noticed that a lot of people who fall into this category are afraid of being alone and so often jump from one relationship to the next. I am someone who is happy being on my own. I love the freedom and when I think about being in a relationship I actually tend to see the potential liabilities and obligations, which are not too appealing to me. I am looking for a great person to compliment my life and since I am happy on my own there's no incentive to settle for someone who will not be the right person only for the sake of being in a relationship. What I keep finding time and time again is that the people who feel sorry for the singles are those who are afraid of being alone and so they cannot understand that anyone would be single by choice. In their mind you are single because you have no one willing to date you or there's something wrong with you. I cannot even tell you how many people thought that I was gay but wouldn't admit it only because I've been single most of the time they've known me! I feel sorry for those people, their crippling fear of being alone makes them grab the first person that wants them, it never works out and then they just jump to the next one, and on and on... I've seen too many unhappy relationships to ever choose to enter one out of convenience

[@emiliabolsas]

My own mother asked me once when I said I was going on a date whether it was with a man or a woman. My love life is just never something I discuss with her - nor has anyone in my romantic life ever deserved to meet her. 🤷‍♀️ On the other hand, my married female relatives and acquaintances want to know everything about what it’s like to live alone, pick my own decor, cook only foods I want to eat, watch only movies I want to watch, etc. It’s the single ones who pity me, not the married ones, for the most part.

[@Jax-dd2pm]

@MJ JAKOVIE i love how you put this and it resonates with me. I've recently come out of a 5yr relationship and taking the leap of faith to move on hasn't been easy but I'd rather be alone and happy than in a relationship just for the sake of it. Yes, i had so many ppl ask me questions etc it is daunting to start over being used to living with someone and going on the dating scene does scare me as one doesn't know what is out there... i am slowly discovering who i am and what makes me happy again. What i do realise is that when I'm in a relationship i tend to put aside the things that make me happy and rather make him happier and in the end i feel empty and not whole. That is something that i have learnt the hard way and will never neglect friends or my own needs. Thank u for putting it the way u did which made me think about myself

[@spedhead218]

Some people just feel they don’t have any options period. I know that’s a difficult perspective to understand, BUT, based on your own caregivers attunement to your emotional/physical needs as a baby affects how we bond and connect with partners in our adult life. So don’t be so hard on those people. Would you dangle a juicy steak in front of a starving tiger and entice the creature only to not feed it? NO. Kind of cruel (and stupid) right? So, why, does the Universe have to dangle a juicy relationship so to speak in front of the hearts of many whom it does not ultimately intend to provide one with? Bottom line you need a partner who wants to be a part of your life and is willing to make an effort to connect with you.

[@alwaysunapologetic]

@@spedhead218 I come from a family with emotionally unavailable parents with huge issues of their own that have been passed on from generation to generation. From the age of 10 (that's when I bought my first self-help book) I've been learning on my own about what healthy relationships are supposed to be like because all I saw around me were unhappy people who didn't even know what normal relationships should look like, who were so scarred they couldn't even show love or care to those closest to them. It seems that you assume that somehow I've been in a privileged position in my life and can't understand hurt or hardship, that my opinion is harsh and perhaps even judgmental because I had no bad experiences of my own, but I've been through more than most people, more than anyone I know - in every possible way. I've spent nearly a decade in therapy because rather than hoping that things would magically work out I've decided to do the work and address the issues that my childhood left me with. A friend of mine only recently realised she was afraid of being alone - spent over a decade in an unhappy marriage to then straight after moving out from her marital home jump into another unhappy relationship that she wasn't able to end until she went to therapy - it took years. Today she's bitter about the wasted time. People - women in particular seem to insist on magical thinking about relationships, Disney teaches little girls that things will just work out by themselves. If you are with the wrong person things will never work out. I've felt more alone with people around me than when on my own. What I said is based on personal experience, observation of the people in my life and research. The truth might seem harsh but it's still the truth - you can either avoid and pretend it's not there it or learn from it

[@npkrn6764]

Absolutely 💯

[@coolbreeze5683]

Life is definitely a wild card. My cousin got GBS at the age of 34. She was mostly single her whole life and had to move back in with her parents to care for her. She thought her life was over and started giving up on the thoughts of ever having her own house, traveling and a career again. It took her 3 years to recover about 95% and she describes it as a miracle. While grocery shopping, she ran into one of the nurses that helped her during her stay at the hospital and they are now married and thinking of adopting a kid. I get tears thinking about how she had given up on her life years ago and now she's loving her life.

[@Bawaal_Videos]

Reading this brought tears to my eyes.

[@StephanieAlice]

@@Bawaal_Videos me too especially as going on 2yrs v injury currently hoping to see something to live for on the other side

[@Zathren]

The reason I want to find the right girl is because I'm tired of being alone. I want someone to be alone with. Any introverts probably get me, haha.

[@Steff579]

Yep good luck! Can't find anyone either not being so toxic i can't stand them. Cheating illusions drama it's just ridiculous now.

[@darshana_parida]

I get you :) I don't really know if I 'want' to find someone or the person will find himself to my way but what you said about introverts feeling lonely. I absolutely get that, friend. Usually, people feel being an introvert means they don't feel lonely but there's a huge difference between feeling lonely and feeling alone. Staying alone for an introvert is by choice and nature but the concept of lonely. It's weird and different.

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

Yep alone with someone who wants to be alone with us!

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

I feel you man. There are times I'm content being by myself and other times when I really want a sweet beautiful girlfriend by my side.

[@tasrajwani]

I am not saying this is right, but sometimes, I secretly judge or feel pity for people who always have to be in a relationship, like they are terrified of being single so they make sure they never are, even if it's the wrong partner. Because being single has taught me so many amazing things about myself. And some of the most loneliness times of my life were when I was with a partner in a long term committed relationship. I agree with Stephen that the healthiness of the relationship matters, not just whether you are single or not. Some of my friends and family have been in marriages for years, while I am single. And I get pitied for being single even though their relationships are largely unhealthy or unhappy. I find that funny.

[@maheen158]

Couldn’t have said this better myself. I’m from an Asian culture and it’s horrible being a single woman because the mentality of people around me is still so backward but I can’t settle down until I find someone who’s at least 80% of what I want. I can’t settle just for the sake of it and risk being miserable.

[@npkrn6764]

Amen!

[@MorningsWithMaria]

100% I have a friend who has been single forever but is always claiming someone new, he’s like he thinks having a partner means someone values you so everyone else will see your value it’s sad to feel that way because it’s not true !

[@justinbrockwell8396]

If you think it's tough being single, imagine how tough it'll be to be stuck in the wrong relationship.

[@alexdg8223]

IT IS really tough and now I'm jealous of my single friends because they can do whatever they want, meanwhile I'm stuck in here and I need to have a big courage to leave this relationship..

[@thegolem9325]

I know that being in the wrong relationship is better than being single. I've been in bad relationships and the pain of being single when you don't want to be single is infinitely worse than being with the wrong person.

[@thegolem9325]

@@suzanne5651 It's not that simple in most situations.

[@kamrudkd]

researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue. People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her. A lot of guys have never had that. This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that. The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow) Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society. What are we seeing in the west now? Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels. White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes. Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends. White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle. With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic. Peace

[@dianacrisp5944]

@@thegolem9325 For me it was different. My ex was abusive and after leaving him it was a huge relief. I love having the space and time to heal and discover who I am again. :)

[@Karynwashere]

This was a very needed conversation and gave voice to the many of us who are single. Especially people who are chronically single or experienced prolonged singleness when you didn’t expect it. As someone who is almost 40 and never has a serious commitment, it has been a really challenging experience. Especially, when you desired partnership and it just didn’t happen or the experiences were never afforded. (I know this is the case for many black women specifically) I think the pressure to be in relationships is so interesting, as I have taken time to observe people in relationships, a lot of people don’t even know how to be in relationships. A lot of people are partnered that are unhealed. But because we put so much stock in being partnered, people will risk it all just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. Either way, the single shaming is a really thing, abs for those of us who are involuntarily single, it does bring on a deep ambiguous grief that you don’t even know how to solve.

[@raemarie6720]

Well said❤

[@melantha5]

Your comment helps me to know that I'm not the only one.

[@anjolaaaa]

you’re so spot on

[@tinybrit3225]

Being a black woman feels like a curse sometimes. Many of my friends are white and they have always had relationships. I have one friend who’s had 8 long term relationships in the 15 years that I’ve known her. Each relationship lasted approximately 2 years. I’ve always been the single friend. She would call me up when she would break up until she immediately replaced the previous bf and repeat. All of my friends are married with kids now, I am literally the only one left. I’ve tried to lower my standards completely because I realized how unwanted black women are, it’s like we don’t get to have standards because no one actually wants us anyway. So we have to settle for whatever we can get. The men that usually approach me are 20-30 years older than me, if they are my age range they just want hook ups, or sometimes they’re even married or already have a gf. The loneliness is debilitating. It makes me feel like Dorothy when she went to the wizard to get home, he pulled a gift out of the black bag for everyone else, but when it was Dorothy’s turn he flew away in the balloon leaving her behind. I get pitied by family and friends. The other day my cousin invited me to a fair with her husband and daughter, they ran into a couple with their son and they were like who are you? Are you from out of town? Because it’s so weird that I was third wheeling with my family. I give up.

[@emilyme23455]

Just wanted to say I appreciate Audrey's perspective; as a woman there's so much fear surrounding getting older and still being single, it can be difficult to not feel like something is wrong with you. The concept of you can both work on fulfilling your own life while still wanting love is so refreshing and really resonates with me

[@tkbinford1]

I was married for ten years, have been single for 30…and I damned good at it! There are many people who also wish they could be single …and I do want a relationship, but only with the right person…who is supportive. A plan B and C and D is always important. Thanks for this podcast!

[@sadiaali9198]

Being single doesn't mean you are undesirable or unwanted. It means you know your worth, and you are waiting for someone who is worthy.

[@googleone9802]

It means either you keep rejecting good matches or you dont get any matches at all

[@missNCW]

@@googleone9802 or you get good matches and it doesn’t work out, that’s why people are together for years and still don’t end up married. It’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be.

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

...aaaand than they start to shame you again: 'It is because you have options but noone can be enough./You are too indipendent that is wrong with our society! Always just me, me, me!" Have been there, if somebody wants to shame you, he/she does it anyway!

[@josephang9927]

Or sometimes no one you like likes you back. Thats ok too. 😉

[@neverexisted8921]

Or that you arent necessarily waiting for someone... my feelings

[@JuliaEkwall]

Audrey articulated so perfectly how I feel being single. That really hit home and brought me to tears. Thank you for bringing her on! As much as I love you guys, it was refreshing to hear a woman's perspective.

[@livsterk7943]

Being single is not difficult! What’s difficult is dating and constantly being rejected, dumped, ghosted by men after only 2 dates because they don’t want to give me a chance. I’ve been listening and applying this advice for the past 5 years+ and still cannot get a man to date me for longer than a week. I’m stoked with every other area of my life except for my dating life. SOS

[@Bawaal_Videos]

I am a guy in the same boat. I wish and pray that things work out for you soon. We all deserve love.

[@camellia8625]

Maybe you could benefit from some individual 1-2-1 coaching

[@leonard30909]

I'm a guy. I don't think I deserve love if it hasn't happened by now

[@amylenoir345]

story of my life

[@artsbybware4790]

EXACTLY! You get it!

[@kutcheraandrew]

I’m 51 and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve had intense health struggles which haven’t helped my attempts at dating. It’s important to add that the grief of wanting partnership comes in waves. Some days I’m completely fine. Other days the sadness, doubt and pain are unbearable.

[@katrinh.29]

❤

[@RachelNichols-writer]

I'm fifty and in the same boat. My chronic illness does not make me good marriage material. I just get irritated at those who make snap judgements and assume all singles are exactly alike. (Equally bad most of the time.)

[@AP777-JC]

Knowing this. Some days are nice, some not from the emotions. The isolation is the worst thing. But it's hard times for dating. There are many hurt people out there who hurt others again. It's like an illness. Better be alone than in the wrong relationship. It's even more isolating.

[@lisapardini3594]

This was your best podcast EVER. A beautiful and meaningful message.

[@Lisa-ip4ji]

Couldn't agree more!

[@ninamoore7779]

Also people in relationships make out like its so easy to find a partner so why haven’t you got one. ‘Go out and find a boyfriend’ like there is a shop ive been walking past and never walked into. Like its that easy.

[@karenhardie1132]

True. If you don't find someone in high school or college it gets tougher to find someone.

[@Bawaal_Videos]

Couldn't have been said more accurately. My friends ask me (39, male), I ask them if they think that my potential partner is knocking at the door and I am not opening it or answering.

[@RachelNichols-writer]

"I got married at twenty after meeting my spouse in college. Let me give you thirty and forty somethings dating advice." 😜

[@peterj.fallon4327]

45 y/o guy just discovered Mr. Hussey & as I love psychology, relationships, etc the content is brilliant, delivered by a man who clearly cares about helping others in such a vital area of life. And cool to be in an area to ‘hear’ what women say to each other in completely honest manner.

[@La-nk8vz]

Recently broke up, at 35. I had beautiful plans, lovely life expectations, we had good jobs, all the opportunities, for people we were blessed. I knew she was not the right one, I started to notice her selfishness, narcissistic personality, I felt initially (apparently) loved, then the "real" love slowly started to disappear. She started to criticize me every single day about everything, I asked her several time why she was with me. She laughed at me. On the other side, I am sure I gave my best to her (with the potential I had at that time). The last 6 months of my (our) relationship were emotionally and personally tough, I felt underestimated, useless (in that relationship), insicure (I am normally not). One day (some months ago) she started to be silent, she avoided me, I was done. Totally. I took a couple of days off from my life. Days later, I was ready to talk to her trying to understand what was going on, she did not give me the chance to talk. She just said, it's over, I am moving out. It was cruel, no empathy and she was the same person who wanted to get married? I accepted it, no contact, no pathetic attempt to change her mind. It was worthless. Some months later, I feel a better man, I suffered a lot but what makes me disappointed is the sense of loneliness and social judgment that at 35 is too late. I felt that some months ago, I was a weak man staying in a toxic relationship but society told me I was a winner cause..

[@xeniahaiducova]

People are f*cked up, maybe that's why she behaved so weirdly. She just didn't know what she really wanted (as many of us), or she was feeling good with you but then started to have too many questions. And probably feeling something from you as well. What's clear is that you weren't meant to have a family and it's good you found out about it so soon. And come one today 35 are new 25!

[@peterj.fallon4327]

Hey Luca that’s rough, tho now imagine you’re married ,have a child & this happened. You dodged a MISSLE 35 is not too old & DEF not for a man. Join an activity, get in good (better) shape, and do what’s best for you. God bless.

[@kimberleyayache5408]

Audrey is amazing and right on the money! 🤩 100% it’s not always people shaming the singles, it’s the singles who want a relationship constantly living in fear that they’ll never find anyone and feeling that shame that there’s something wrong with them. It’s a tough balance when your life is fabulous and you are happy but there’s this nagging feeling that you won’t have those 10 years of experience with someone like your friend did with their partner. And the comparisons of our friends who so effortlessly find relationship after relationship - it’s bloody hard! I really appreciated all of your perspectives and loved this episode.

[@missNCW]

It’s not always people single shaming but it is 98% of the time

[@Karynwashere]

This!

[@josephang9927]

I'm a 30 years old single and I have never been in a relationship. At this point I'm accepting the possiblity of dying alone and working on being in peace with it. I do get the microagressions for being single, but honestly it does not bother me as much as it maybe should.

[@Maria-0017]

It’s good to spend time alone , out of a relationship , find yourself, learn to love yourself , so many women (and men) jumping from one relationship to the next, taking that same emotional baggage to the next relationship , often you need time alone and step into your own power!

[@amandapirot1022]

I've been single on and off (for decades) with some very rewarding relationships for their "season". There is a private and deep grief (beyond sadness and fear) that "it may not happen for me" despite all my deep self awareness and deliberate efforts to attract and create a lasting relationship. I know multiple wonderful, attractive, accomplished, educated women in their 50's+ who never found their person. No one talks about the grief, or potential loss of a lifelong dream. Of course, it can happen at any time and any age. And one holds out hope. Yet, the grief is ongoing and is sometimes hard to deal with especially around your happily married friends. Unlike the loss of a long cherished career goal, one can't control what another person does or doesn't do to form a meaningful relationship. Timing and luck play a role too.

[@Bawaal_Videos]

Same story, except I have never had any relationships. 39 now. Spent my 20 and 30s in taking care of my elderly parents and career. Parents are no more, career is somewhat okay. All friends are married, in a relationship. It just hurts so much deep within that it makes me cry and depressed. Don't we all deserve love? What wrong have I done to anybody to deserve this, I ask myself and get no answer. I pray that you get a deserving relationship full of love soon. 🙏

[@jenniferbyers1375]

What a great conversation. Audrey is so lovely - congratulations guys !! Being alone during a two year pandemic really provided me the opportunity to look inwards - now I can say I am grateful for all the growth I’ve had, and I am happier than ever. For the first time in my life I am actually proud of being single because I know what I have to offer, and I feel quite empowered and badass for not wanting to ever settle again.

[@emmarose6590]

As a single with mostly married family and friend I feel as though there is something wrong with me. People most def look down on you for being single

[@Sarahhenderson11]

Matthew struck gold when he once said "don't idealize other people's crappy relationships". One point to consider is that those who have been paired off since they were teenagers or 20 are very naive and limited in their capacity to understand or relate in any way whatsoever to the struggle of finding the "right"one or the difficulties associated with the journey of excitement and disappointment. It's not their fault but we only learn through experience so those types can't or won't understand you. A lot of people get on their high horse and lecture about finding someone when I believe it can be a deflection sometimes. They ought to look closer to home. The truth is a lot of people are in average quality relationships. The ones who are truly satisfied in their relationship tend to get a bit preachy. But just like what was said in this video no one knows what tommorow brings. Never be smug if you are in a couple as you can never predict what your partner will do. Those singles you look down on? You could be next.

[@jiuchick]

Around 17min in, Audrey talking about being a single woman later in life...that it's isolating, etc (if you're WANTing to find love)...100%.

[@madamecurious]

Audrey is a sweetheart 💜 Congratulations on your engagement Matthew and Audrey ❤️

[@ShortDarknLovely]

I'm so glad you guys did this. People think I'm a bit weird b/c I'm choosing to stay single until I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who's a match for me. I don't have time for anything less than the real thing. I want to actually participate and co-create a relationship, not just go through the motions of acting like I'm in one.

[@hanasorrosa698]

In my 20s Ive always been in a relationship or constantly dating. I thought a relationship would make me happy. Im now 32 and this is the only time I have been completely single and not dating. AND I LOVE IT. People around me shame me for being single but what they dont know is that this is by far the best time of my life. Ive never been more contented and at peace with myself. I used to be so insecure about being single and fear growing old alone but damn when you learn to love yourself genuinely, it’s priceless. ✨ Im honestly not looking for a relationship because Im loving my own company and I cant imagine anyone interrupting that anytime soon. ❤️‍🔥

[@LetsLvl_Up]

So are you not gonna reproduce? Continue the bloodline. Be old & alone with your cats? Lol

[@hanasorrosa698]

@@LetsLvl_Up definitely open to the idea of having children BUT only if I am financially able to afford to do so, with a partner who can as well. with the rate of how the world is going on right now, raising a child is definitely not cheap. I will only raise children if I know I can provide because I will not bring a life into this world irresponsibly. A child deserves to live and not just survive.

[@keera667]

I don’t know why but Audrey saying it’s so hard as a woman being single at a certain age and lonely etc - made me feel 100 TIMES WORSE

[@keera667]

Guess it’s hard to hear! No shade x

[@ladyd2.014]

Wow, I just turned 30, was crying thinking I will die Alone. When you guys put it like this it really changed my perspective. I think because most people have been married off you feel left behind, but also you see social media telling you that you are too old and that you will die alone especially as a woman. I wish everyone could watch this conversation it’s really healing.

[@timothycardoso1364]

She's gorgeous. What a great looking, kind, empathetic couple.

[@alynnn.3372]

I am 29 and single since 5 years .Had 2 relationships in the past both of my exes are married now and even one became dad. There are times when I question my fate or destiny because I always wanted to have a family of my own .

[@cottoncandiez8872]

I feel this in my soul. I'm also 29 and was broken up with last week by a man who we had been talking about marriage and kids. I feel so devastated, I am mourning not only our relationship but the future I thought I was finally able to get. I hope we both are able to find love in the future

[@jannelle6]

Loved Audrey's input in this conversation. She validated so many of my feelings and experiences, especially with peers questioning my singleness from a judgemental place of superiority and how isolating being single can be. Really hope Audrey can join future videos/podcasts!

[@pennymichaels7449]

What a wonderful video! As a 23 year old woman who has never been in a relationship, I have often felt like an odd one out. Especially where I am, culturally a lot of my friends and women around me are married/engaged/ have been with their partners for years. So it is difficult to not think that there is something wrong with me. But comparison is indeed the thief of joy. I would much rather be single and feel alone from time to time, than be in an unhealthy relationship or one that wasn’t working, and feel alone then too. I really enjoyed Audrey in this, I hope she considers joining more in the future on video! She has a wonderful warmth and made many great points, she added so much. Also, I wonder if you might do a video on positivity or cynicism? I personally consider myself a very positive woman, but I seem to attract men who are very cynical. They are usually very funny, but then their critical mindset wears on me after a while. I think it reminds me of my father haha. Anyway, a brilliant video as always. Looking forward to the next one! Sending best wishes.

[@georginaandrei6033]

Omg the insight of ruminating over past mistakes is a form of waiting is GOLD! It changed the way I think, cause I tend to do that so much...

[@SusanKennard]

You are great. Love you all. I am single, have been for years as I created my business and brought up my kids who are now teens. Now I am dating and ready for it. No one in my life has judged. I think judgement comes from us and then attracts those who respond to our frequency. Love listening to you all talking together. 💕🌸❤️🥰

[@meganwildhood3893]

Thank you so much for giving voice to how incredibly difficult it is to be a woman over a certain age who is single - or, in my case, divorced. It is honestly unsustainably vulnerable as well. And yes, it is deeply painful to not get to have these years now and not get to have someone from my 20s onward now. This would have been my ten-year wedding anniversary. It's hard to watch 21-year-old after 21-year-old getting married this year while the one thing I want seems farther and farther away and is, in some ways, impossible now that I'm not in my 20s anymore and cannot get this time back. It's really, really hard that the thing I want - marrying my high-school sweetheart like my mother and sister and grandmother got to - is not going to be mine. And it's not really a consolation that it's my path when the one thing I've ever wanted is not going to happen; it's definitely a struggle to make this current life my new plan A. But I am still alive and have not given up on the quality of love I want even if I no longer get the longevity that I always wanted.

[@avalonmist254]

My mother met the Love of her life at 81...as long as you are Breathing you never know what will happen next...Life is filled with surprises!🤗

[@ebd123]

@@avalonmist254 Still single at almost 60, I absolutely love stories like yours. I've turned down marriage proposals because down deep I just didn't feel excited or confident enough. Of course the opportunities now are fewer, but for me, I can't just marry for the sake of not being single.

[@avalonmist254]

@@ebd123 I am 62 and have had to turn down many because I can't lie to myself, a bit like how you may be feeling....The Coronavirus took away a lot of my dating choices luckily I have my mother to Thank for the Hope she left with me... Thanks for your comment... it's not over til the fat lady sings lol✌️💕

[@ebd123]

@@avalonmist254 Yes sister! 😆

[@mariapiecuch417]

What a beautiful comment. Thank you.

[@MajorSquiggles]

There's nothing I hate more than "you'll find someone soon". For one, it takes for granted how relationships work. For you they are things that just happen and fall into your lap on and off. So clearly if you just wait long enough one will fall out of the sky. Not only is that wrong, but also mildly insulting for someone like me. That's great that good things like that just happen for you, but it never has for me. It kind of shows that you really don't understand where I'm at right now or what I've been through. It's also dismissive of how I'm feeling. You aren't trying to understand or help me, it's more like your saying my feelings are wrong or that I'm being impatient. Nearly all my friends but one have families now. That's not patient, that's missed the boat.

[@ana-maria448]

Every situation is different 2 different situations may need a similar solution and 2 similar situations may need 2 different solutions. So be open and think God is in control and you cannot force love.

[@DaleUlan]

It can actually feel quite insulting when someone tries to “help” you. And then people you tell how insulted you felt just say “be grateful someone is trying to help”. Well, maybe I don’t need that kind of “help”.

[@whitneygeyevu9751]

You said it Matthew. I think it’s exactly about time moving on. I d like to spend as many meaningful moments possible with the love of my life, but until I find that person, it seems like all those beautiful moments have that one thing missing. And that’s having someone to share it with. Just the realisation that the longer it takes before you find someone to settle down with and have meaningful experiences with, the less time you ll have with that person. I don’t want to grow old and then meet someone and say: I wish I had met you in my 20s or 30s, we would have had so much fun together…

[@taraz6786]

Audrey is extremely articulate and intelligent, I really hope she’s on more podcasts.

[@ZenoGoreng]

I don’t feel ashamed of being single, but at times I do feel I’m missing out. And especially after falling for someone for the first time ever (last year) and then messing things up, it hurts. It doesn’t necessary hurt being single, but it hurts to specifically see her walk out of my life. Perhaps there was never something there, but in my mind there could’ve been. I also know she really wants to be in a relationship and may have rushed into some that weren’t good for her. I don’t believe it’s cause she feels ashamed, but just in her mind she thought she would have a family by now and she also doesn’t want to be alone. I really hope she doesn’t rush into another relationship just because of that, cause she deserves long term happiness.

[@ahgrphdesign]

Do you love her? If you say yes, then wth are you doing to her and to yourself?

[@ZenoGoreng]

@@ahgrphdesign What should I do? Just to clarify, she wants to be in a relationship and have a family, but not with me. Just in general. Maybe I didn't make that clear. And to answer your question, I honestly don't know at this point. We haven't talked in almost 4 months now (stuff happened and I promised her I wouldn't contact her) and feelings have definitely changed. I still care about her and wish the best for her, but love... I don't know. I'm very confused about my thoughts and feelings now. It also doesn't help that I have... semi tried letting her go.

[@dinero5322]

@@ZenoGoreng For what it's worth here's my take on this. First of all, if she doesn't want a relationship or a family with you then let her go or else you'll just be wasting both of your times especially, with her operating on a biological clock which most women tend to do. Life is pretty strange at times man, you can meet the right person, but at the wrong time. Timing is everything. Just continue to work on yourself more women will come, shit, maybe even she will change her mind about you later on. Just don't force anything, things have a way of working themselves out.

[@ZenoGoreng]

@@dinero5322 Thanks. It’s hard letting go thinking you could be great for one another as people (maybe even just as friends) and you just ruined something that could’ve been great, but I need to stop letting a “what if…” control my life and indeed let her go. And about the biological clock… It’s tricky, cause I know she really wants a family, but I don’t think she’s emotionally and psychologically ready for it now, and I believe she knows that as well. I just hope that clock doesn’t cloud her judgement and make her rush into another bad relationship. I mean, if she doesn’t wanna be with me, that’s fine. And if she finds someone who loves her, who’s good to her and is everything she’s ever wanted, I’ll be happy for her. I’d just hate to see her with someone who isn’t right for her.

[@ianbetts4435]

When a girl dumps someone it's because they think they can do better.

[@oco987]

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean necessarily you won’t die alone. A lot of people who die alone actually have families. I saw a statistic once saying that a 1/3 of mothers are estranged from their children later on in life. People outlive their partners all the time. People outlive their close family or become estranged. So It happens often for various reasons. I think the key is nurturing a lot of relationships though out your life

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

But I want a wife and kids tho

[@Lisa-ip4ji]

I'm blown away! This content resonated so much with me. Been wanting to be in a relationship and have that experience for basically my whole life. And my longest, and unhealthy at that, relationship lasted for 5 months. Do I have to tell you I really feel something's wrong with me at times? 😕 Loved Audrey and what she said! Seems such a beautiful and wholesome soul. Please bring her on again, and again, and again!

[@candicegriffith8522]

I've been told I'm too independent to be with. I've never had anyone in my life I could count on besides myself so yes I take care of myself everyday and I don't need someone to take care of me. I want someone who doesn't take care of me but we take care of each other

[@sarahzen6731]

This is THE MOST INSPIRATIONAL AND TRUTHFUL video ever. I am 43, single, and have reached the stage where I really consider making all my ex plans B, C and D my plan A. I love what you said about the non- linearity of life. I always tried to convince myself about it but I needed to hear it from a third person. Bravo for this talk . I just got love bombed and then ghosted by a super narcissist that I have met online, and even if I felt disappointed I now realise how lucky I am that this did not go any further. I have always felt late when comparing with friends who got married with families but I realise that I have created a life that is full of experiences, I have lived in many countries , I am surrounded by amazing friends, I am healthy and still consider myself pretty : the best is yet to come for all of us ❤️ 😘.

[@beccabryant9934]

Yea I’m single. All the things I’ve been through as far as relationships have taught me to choose my partner better in what I do or don’t want. I’m not a serial dater because I date with purpose to find what’s best for me because I do hope to establish a longevity or even a lifetime relationship. It takes time and investment to find this.

[@lovazquez8446]

"What's possible still, far outweighs what's possible still", thank you so much for that, my favorite quote out of this brilliant podcast, keep the great work guys💕

[@TheEmmiebear]

Thank you for this conversation. Audrey it was so good to hear you express how hard it is emotionally to be single, your honesty made me feel less alone. The judgement isn't just something we carry with us, sometimes it's explicitly spoken. My LD boyfriend of 2.5 years recently broke up with me (4 months ago) and he shared hurtful things his mother said to him about me, like 'Why hasn't she been married?' and 'Have you broken up with that girl yet?' I never met his mum. I'm 46. He said to me I wish you were younger. Well I can't change my age, but I can hopefully find more peace with my 'thumbprint'. Thanks x

[@jjamerican93]

I really appreciate how compassionate Matt and the other two guests are when discussing this topic. Wonderful discussion!

[@debbiemoore2747]

JFinally at 48 after being single for 12 years made the decision to pull up the drawbridge and build. Time is precious and I refuse to waste any more energy on the opposite sex. I've accepted stoically my life path. Content like this is inspiring. I'm on my Plan C and that will be my Plan A moving forward. Plan A is not only dead it's decayed at this point. Time to close that crypt and walk into the sunshine.

[@joellemartin4466]

Really love that he brought up “ your path is your path” fell in love at 18 he passed at 22. Planned out whole life together. Sometimes I wander if that was it. Rip Noah :(

[@tishataray]

Cried during this vid. Like how Matt and the team gives hope in a realistic way..and talks about reality not matching up to our hopes of love

[@TheMoneyBeeCo]

So happy for you, Matthew!! 😊 I was perpetually single, and just couldn't seem to connect with guys I was interested in. I started watching you all the time and really applying your advice. I'll be getting married in 3 weeks to the most amazing guy ever!! Thank you, Matthew!!😊

[@shantiwilson6143]

Congratulations but how did it happen for you? How did you meet and get into a relationship?

[@TheMoneyBeeCo]

@@shantiwilson6143 @Shanti Wilson Ready for an essay? Lol I met him at a camp when we were teenagers, but never really became friends. We ended up making a bunch of mutual friends, though. I saw him in group settings a few times over a decade, never really got to know him, though. I never talked to guys. For some reason I was always just cold and unapproachable, almost like creating hurdles for guys to get to know me, all to protect myself really. To my friends I was whitty and creative, to guys I was serious and boring. After stumbling upon Matthew's videos, I realized I was pushing all guys away with this attitude. I felt like they gave me such deep insight into the way I approached relationships. I finally started to analyze the way I acted towards men and the standards I had set for myself. It was like I'd told myself "The right guy will persue me no matter what!" Yeah, no. I had such low self-esteem that if a guy was interesting to me I automatically assumed he wouldn't be interested in me, so I wouldn't even try to make myself available- A major fear of rejection. And then I'd give all of my time to guys I knew were big walking red-flags, beacause deep down, that's what I felt I deserved. It was bad. After this I started to change my approach. Pretty soon my social life became much more active and I started to be much more confident. I started working a lot on myself, my self-esteem, my mental health, and I wasn't even worried about being in a relationship anymore. Life was good. Then I saw "the guy from camp" at my friend's wedding a few years ago, and it was like instant sparks! After our first date we both knew this was it. He is everything I've ever wanted! Really it's like I had him custom-made or something!😅 He often tells me he kicks himself for not getting to know me better when we were kids so we could've done the high school sweethearts thing and had a couple of kids by now. Lol But it wasn't the time. We both needed that time to become the people we are today.

[@officergreenmate2209]

These videos are literally changing my emotions, mentality and goals by the video. I've recently just been cheated on after a 3 month relationship. First relationship in 3 years where I let my guard down and opened up. For the first day, all I felt was pain, anger, rejection, embarrassment, I felt like a joke. I watched the video about feeling like you've lost the one and I realised my value, who I am, what I offer and how beautiful of a person I am. Since then, I've smiled more, I've laughed more and after watching this, I'm no longer stressing out about my love life, my job, the fact that I haven't achieved what others have because, as Matthew explains, I'm on my own trajectory in life and I have so much Time Matthew, Thank you for taking time to film these videos and to help change peoples lives. I'm 23. I've had one serious relationship. When it ended, I was suicidal and suffered awfully with mental health. I was dependant on drugs, alcohol and digging myself into my grave. This was at 18 yrs old. Thank to these videos alongside support from family and friends, I now appreciate my life, who I am and how much time I have in this world. Single life is beyond difficult when you see the joy of everyone else and you're alone. However, as mentioned, you can't really be attractive and attract the right person for you until you live your life to its maximum and become in-love and happy with your life and the way things are going. I may not make as much as my friend, not even close, I don't have his style of relationship or achieved as much as he has, but I'm alive. I have my friends, I have my family, my job, my car, and overall, my self respect and happiness. Thank you for this video Matthew. A real eye opener for me as a young and inexperienced person with plenty of time and learning too do!

[@afshah.7972]

Such a wholesome podcast. Thank you Matt for choosing Audrey!! Thank you Audrey for sharing your wisdom with us!! Love and God bless. ❤❤ Some of my favourite parts: "Creating is the route out of anxiety and into creating a new plan A out of what we thought was plan B." "What you can create now by settling ON (not settling for) your life now and applying love and attention to it and seeing where it can take you, that creation is the route out of all of that grief about what hasn't happened in our life. Because you come to realise that what's possible still far outweighs wha is already dead." "All these comparison and judgement of each other is just nonsense. Your life is your thumbprint. You are the only one who has it. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. It's your own thumbprint, your snowflake, you can't screw it up."

[@leilat.3237]

Almost 40 and single…and people around actually asked “what’s wrong with me?”…!!!! I really didn’t know how to answer…Thank you so much for this video🙏

[@lizzysalway6844]

Of all the amazing videos and content you have given us, this is by far the most helpful. It spoke to me deeply and reminds me that my life is beautiful, my path is my own and there’s everything to play for. Thank you so much for being so positive, vulnerable and for giving so much perspective and hope.

[@Lczzy]

I am now 44 and still unmarried, without kids. It was a very rough 6 years (38-44) for all the reasons everyone mentioned. I felt isolated with each year. I grieved. I had to let go of the dream of a spouse and family (plan A). Not that it can't still happen - but it will look different than what I imagined. Dating was hard as many men in this age bracket are still hoping to have kids - women's fertility journey ends sooner. However, single is not lesser than. It's unknown territory. I can say that even without spouse/kids I can have a happy life but it will look different. This definitely needs to be talked about more as it is the new normal for many. Great discussion, thank-you.

[@stephaniej2235]

I found my partner at 31 and I felt so isolated turning 30 single. I felt judgement from others and judgement from myself. I was also scared I would never have children. We are still so in love today at 35 and have just started trying for a baby. But that pressure continues because I always have the fear of something going wrong and landing back in that place of judgement and isolation. Ive been working with a therapist to find security in myself even though I am now in a loving, secure relationship. Things do get better over time ❤️

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

how’s it working out?

[@stephaniej2235]

@@leedlbagginshield8492 We have been extremely lucky. Our little girl is almost 5 weeks old 🥰 x

[@steven6986]

Recently I had to deal with someone who kept bugging me about not being in a relationship, and as soon as matt mentioned projecting insecurities it clicked for me, I was fine being alone, I was fine with that being my path, but the fact that I was *not* actively seeking a romantic partnership with someone unsettled them, and they projected those insecurities into our conversations. I also realised I'm projected my own relationship insecurities onto others, and that realisation has helped me grow.

[@goodness_graciousme]

This hits hard for me... I'm 33, never been in a relationship at all and not single by choice. I do try going on dates, trying apps and through networks but, its HARD i tell you! I feel like today's dating age is you have all those options and conversation don't last long, people are constantly ghosting, not commited and does not know what they want too. I spent my 20s building my career and education, put my "finding the one" on the back seat, I do meet people on an off but it never got anywhere sadly. I got to a point where the last 2 years I didn't want to meet anyone and totally gave up the idea of settling down eventually although that was what I'm looking for now. Pressure from my parents also took a toll on me and I feel as if though there's smthg wrong with me. Honestly as much as being single has its perks, I do feel sad at times when I see friends, colleagues around me are in a healthy, happy relationship having kids and spending time with their spouse. It made me feel so left out in a way, and that getting married is a far fetched idea for me. It's depressing at times. I even considered freezing eggs because as women gets older we may not be able to conceive past your late 30s or 40s onwards. And if I were to settle down later and wants kids that may be difficult. I keep telling myself time will come only god knows when my time will come but man ... its just so tough.

[@nemom7791]

I completely relate to your comment - everything you’ve said is what am going through. :) Am 30, in 4 months 31 & freaking out about my biological clock. After 35 things get so much harder. Want to experience motherhood & marriage when still youthful. Your right societal pressure doesn’t help, also makes me very depressed. Tired of waiting for my person, it gets lonely - we all need companionship. My anxiety is through the roof, trying to be hopeful about my future.

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

You could try travel to Japan and find a good woman there.

[@DeMafiaGirl]

I've been single my whole life and whilst I totally felt like there was something wrong with me and that I am behind on life somehow, I don't let it bother me anymore because when I really think about getting into a relationship and everything that it would actually mean for me and my life, I'm like yeah... I don't want that... for the longest time you romanticise falling in love but you never actually consider whether or not you actually want to share yourself with someone else in that way

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

I always have the desire to be in relationship since I was around 10 years old and I'm 22 (still have that desire) after stepping out of my comfort numerous times and haven't find an awesome beautiful woman I want due to bad luck and bad timing. There is this one woman who she and I are mutually interested romantically but she isn't truly ready for a relationship (she has never dated anyone before). She is an awesome woman in and out and she loves being around me. I would really love to be with her if some point in the future if she would be ready then.

[@bongiweqilishane4379]

I'm 21 and I have been single for a majority of my life.I just have not met the right person yet but I decided to just stop focusing on it and actually learn how to be happy just the way I am

[@luliyashmendi5809]

I am 21 also I just broke up with my boyfriend 😭😭😭it really sucks like hell. I cried the whole 2 month. All I was saying was why me? 😢

[@maheen158]

@@luliyashmendi5809 stop crying at 21 😂 you still have your whole life ahead of you

[@luliyashmendi5809]

@@maheen158 omg😥I don't know man. I hate my self Coz some people they tell who u hurt them but they don't want to tell u how. I always ask myself why?

[@luliyashmendi5809]

They tell u how u hurt them**

[@joser_1295]

@@luliyashmendi5809 Don’t worry, I went through the same issuer last November, and it gets better, but you have to work on yourself. I’m still recovering from what’s left over, but with time I know I’ll find someone better and so will you (:

[@nadia_manjate]

I do believe in what Matthew says … life is not linear for anyone. That’s important to keep cognisant of.

[@lynnmccallum1206]

I feel like Audrey (very eloquently) expressed *exactly* how I have been feeling.❤️ I appreciate this video so much. Thank you.

[@CécileBollon]

Life took me my marriage, my family and my 20yo son who was taken away by demons. But a new era is there for me if I want to… thank you Matthew, I’ve been following you for years and your humanity gets deeper ❤

[@modelgoth]

These points are so true. I married my high school sweetheart at 18. Fast forward to our 30s, and he's passed away and I'm alone (no kids even) while the rest of our friends are just getting married and starting families. It's amazing how quickly the tables can turn. Life is unpredictable and fragile. One day you are rich and the next day you are poor and the next day you are rich again. The only thing that is permanent is G-d.

[@streakbreaker7576]

Hi sarah

[@JB-kx9bx]

❤

[@keeganbrice3635]

Thanks so much guys, really appreciated this, approaching 40 in a few months and somehow been single for 17 years due to attachment issues, severe anxiety and chronic pain. I have been on hundreds of dates and feel like life has passed me by. However that gave me some hope and although i am still grieving the lost decades alone that are meant to be your best years i will move towards creating rather than waiting and ultimately work more on my relationship with myself cultivating peace and self-compassion as not lovving myself is ultimately the only reason i have been alone for so long. Thanks again. Also great movie reference.

[@pellepedal56]

Thanks for sharing, same here 38yo

[@amanysal2678]

I feel so seen and heard in this video. Thank you guys this truly was an amazing episode 💜

[@lauriehudson7425]

you brothers are so sweet together :) like your brother pretending he didnt know that you proposed to Audrey. hahaha love you guys

[@nadia_manjate]

If you are still alive and breathing it is all to still play for! If you are still here; life won’t deny you a new Era! That’s it!

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Life is tyranny

[@nainapatel2907]

Audrey is a gem. Am so glad you shared her with us Matthew

[@AP777-JC]

A man broke up with me some weeks ago and that hit me really hard. I thought we would marry. I wanna trust God more in what he is prepairing. But it is not always easy. I am in my late 30's and often feel very isolated. That is the worst thing of it. The thing how wonderful it would be to be with someone but time goes by... The things the nice psychologist is saying. Thanks for the discussion, we single often are forgotten in discussions. Better alone than in a bad relationship. Enjoy the peace also.

[@avalonmist254]

I've been single for 12 years now, dating with intention along the way. What i have come to realize is this is my life certainly if I could be in love again that would be great however this is still my life and putting it on hold for meeting and loving the right person has wasted years of my life instead I best get to loving my now at 62 or I could die yearning for a different life ; Time waits for no one🍀💗

[@aheatherw88]

Thank you, just thank you for this. I’ve been feeling pretty bad about myself being a single woman at 36. I’ve been criticized left and right about being single lately and this gives me peace. Thank you ❤❤❤❤

[@craftykatie2524]

I sometimes feel like to my parents and brothers it doesn't matter if I'm single or in a relationship, but my family does. Especially when we have a birthday celebration I always get the question "and are you dating boys, or when do you get into a relationship?" and I hate these questions. I'm 23 years old and never have been In a relationship. Sometimes I feel like whats wrong with me.. But on the other hand I feel like I want to find the right person and I doesn't matter how long it will take in the end.

[@victory9127]

Same age as you and I feel the same… most of my friends are in relationships

[@craftykatie2524]

@@victory9127 yes sometimes that sucks, but I try to focus on myself. Doing this that I can control and I be proud of in the future. Because my friends relationships can also fail!

[@ellievanderloon7204]

I'm in a relationship at age 66. I have been single/not able to do the reset for 16 years. I can say that I so glad I took the time I needed to heal and rebuild my soul/spirit. I really like who I am now!! I can relate to the anxiety. Being overly self critical. Self blaming, etc. I agree creating is the new and current game plan. We get to make the rules with our partner in the current/new relationship. Its lovely!!!

[@olgafernandez4203]

This conversation is one of the best. Audrey perspective is exactly how I feel. I just turned 36 and constantly hear the judgements. This conversation is helping come to terms that I am okay where I am and follow my own timeline.

[@agrav2474]

I have been feeling really sad and anxious about being single. At the same time, I am sick and tired of dating guys who are dishonest, unavailable or rude. It is really frustrating. I decided that I will not spend time with friends who are patronizing or shaming (about me being single)

[@rleahfisher]

Loved the candidness of this discussion and the hope given for our individual paths! Audrey comes across as beautifully strong… what an inspiration.

[@MInes-vf1hc]

«Whatever has come to you would never have missed you, and that whatever has missed you would never have come to you.»

[@rebeccajarrett5130]

I have severe anxious attachment style and I can't hold a single friendship. Not one. I'm starting to accept it's for the best if I leave people alone.

[@milliem8051]

I feel the same, I don’t know if I’m capable of a healthy relationship 😢

[@marioleclerc4566]

Falling in love is not what it seems to be conceived by most people. In my view when you fall in love you fall in love with an imaginary person that doesn't exist. There is no doubt that the physical person that you fall in love with is certainly your type but it has to be taken with caution. The experience could be nice providing that you are aware that this egoic feeling is not real and would fade away eventually. It is an egoic falling in love and not true love. True love may come later if there is a deeper connection. Thank you for your conversation !!!

[@virgomelody1529]

So this weekend, I met with extended family after a long time, and at my age (31) I was constantly being criticized about not having a partner, and it upset me because in my opinion if I had already met that person I could have possibly already settled down. I hated that I had to keep explaining that it just wasn't in the cards for me at the moment. And I think that's where the problem comes in, everytime you may have started to make peace with yourself there are external factors that come in and shake that feeling off once again. It's hard being a woman at a certain age, the truth is there are so many expectations that come with it wether I like it or not.

[@ruthprophete5566]

This. I for the most part am working through being okay single but as soon as I spend time family all of that comes crashing down. All but one sibling is married. It's difficult being around them.

[@CatharineRiverRain]

This was a great video. Thank you. It's finally a mature, real conversation about the realities and still leaving hope. I love what you say about things NOT following any prescribed timeline in anyone's life. Also, the shadow side that's mentioned of beign afraid to die alone is SO much a driving part of this. And this too, who knows when or in what circumstances we will pass? You might have a life partner and they are there beside you holding your hand when you pass, but then THEY are alone missing you when they pass. Or, perhaps a single person has great friends, a nurse, a cousin or neighbors who is there for them. We all seem to assume we'll be in a prolonged hospital stay and need a partner who is a loving nurse to us, but we never know. Maybe you have a sudden heart attack, fall off a cliff, get hit by a car... anything is possible and yet we put SO much stress on these coupling timelines as if it will avert it. It won't. I have been single a long time and always feel a societal pressure to explain why, and unless someone has a good while to listen to my life story and nuances, it isn't something I can sum up in a little box for anyone. Childhood trauma... yes, but that's not ALL of it. Im' not hiding under a rock, I am looking for a conscious partnership with someone who is also aware that healing is like an onion and goes on throughout life. Accepting that life will always hand us joy and pain, and finding someone we genuinely like, love and care for to walk it with us, that's what I want. I dont' want to be with someone out of fear, desperation or neediness, and certainly not because someone is a slave to societal ideas and timelines.

[@lyubov6612]

Here's something I've noticed - whenever someone would start this "why you're single? you need to get into a relationship" conversation, if it's not coming from loved ones (which it hardly ever does), who have your best interest at heart, these would be the people who I honestly don't consider particularly happy with their choice. It feels like they are in deep denial about their unhappiness and the only way to silent inner discomfort is to aggressively "sell" their life choices, so they feel reassured in them.

[@MelanieSuzanneWilson]

"I don't think it gets to be that easy for you." Golden. It's ok if it's not easy. It isn't meant to be that way. So much realisation!

[@ChristianaSenibo]

Whether you enjoy or detest singlehood is based on how you perceive it. It can be an opportunity to rediscover yourself, invest in self care so you can attract the right person for you.

[@jbela]

Well said 👍

[@ShriyaPrabhakar]

So refreshing to hear an honest and accurate conversation about this

[@myridean2k4]

I'll be single (I didn't feel single because I was still mourning the loss of my husband) for the first time since I was in my early 20s. I'm not ready quite yet to devote my time to a new relationship in my 50s. Still, there is this push by society to get back into the game and I'm just not ready to commit. Truth is that partnered or not 90% will die alone.