Signing Autographs | David Mitchell's Soapbox

[@lubzbie]

When my sister and I met David Mitchell, he wrote "Best Wishes" to me and "All The Best" to her. HE WROTE THIS SOAPBOX ABOUT ME, I SWEAR, OKAY.

[@great-atuins-left-elephant]

I went to David Mitchell's book signing at Cheltenham Literature festival and took with me a picture of a blue tit I'd drawn on a scrap of paper and asked him to sign my tit. It's now a point of pride in my life that I made David Mitchell laugh one time.

[@alchemispark7751]

That must have been a good drawing of a tit for the joke to have landed immedietly

[@OffRampTourist]

Well done you!

[@antoinepetrov]

Brilliance.

[@personface5457]

As a child I was delighted to see TV botonist David Bellamy wandering around my local garden centre. David, the Bellamy one, not the Mitchell one, spent a good 5 minutes helping me to find baby water snails hiding within the water plants and then bagged them up for me to take home. This simple act therefore changed the course of David Bellamy's life forever, it also changed my life and the lives of the baby snails. It has now also changed your life forever (if you're reading this, which you are). Apologies for wasting your time.

[@jenniferr6452]

When I was little, my family went to Disney world and I had a little autograph book and had the characters sign. I was really proud of it. Now I. Realize all I did was have strangers in elaborate costumes write down names of fictional cartoon characters.

[@paulflaherty4965]

aww bless

[@rektsaltysquad4225]

Jennifer R I knew I could be the only one

[@djfez58]

I want to tell Jennifer that her statement is really funny and has made me laugh but find however I try to express it, it comes out sounding like sarcasm. See what I mean?

[@ifwecouldvote]

They weren't fictional cartoon characters, they were real cartoon characters.

[@chairmanmeow8388]

I'll give you a grand for it?

[@ballooniecat]

Seems a lot of us here would actually prefer the "no hostile wishes" thing

[@iambicpentakill971]

If I ever meet him and feel like bothering him by asking for an autograph, it's the one that I would ask for.

[@TheChugg11]

"...I have better wishes than those I'd wish on a stranger"... How I love you, David

[@masterofthepinkside]

If I ever get your autograph, Mr Mitchel, not that that's at all likely, I would far prefer the honest message about killing me for the last morsel of food on earth :)

[@djhalling]

He has just made things more difficult for himself, really. From now on, in a certain number of cases, instead of just writing, "Best wishes", or, "All the best", he is going to have to go to the trouble of writing, "No hostile wishes, but I would kill you for the last morsel of food on earth as you would me".

[@ArtypNk]

"David Mitchell wrote this". There, best autograph ever.

[@Mark-jr6ld]

Wow, what a warm and generous person.

[@SupremeFenix274]

He is British. I don't know how warm they can even get.

[@NAFmunchausen]

How about "Best wishes I can muster at this present time for a person I've only just met." Makes me all warm and fuzzy.

[@slightlyinsaneFTW]

I loved the picture in the background at 1:55! "Stop following me or else. David Mitchell."

[@BrianthatiscalledBrian]

David, I would love to have your autograph. The bottom right hand corner of a blank cheque will do just fine.

[@TheBHK1]

I like that his book has a picture of him with his beard. It shows commitment to the beard for at least a little while longer and that makes me happier than it should.

[@glennmartin6492]

"Respect the restraining order or you'll be hearing from my solicitors forthwith! -David Mitchell"

[@Sb747]

"Best of luck with the poo cake" is now my default phrase for autographs

[@mkganya6013]

OED. Signature: 1. a person's name written in a distinctive way as a form of identification in authorizing a cheque or document or concluding a letter. 2. a spot test of literacy.

[@garryferrington811]

It's nice to have an author sign a book.

[@DodderingOldMan]

Y'know, I don't think I would kill David Mitchell for the last morsel of food in the world. If the world's in such a sorry state, I think I'd probably rather be dead (and in fact David has said something similar on WILTY). Also, I couldn't bring myself to make a dismal situation even worse for the world by depriving it of one of its best comedians. At least if he's around he can rant amusingly while everyone slowly starves to death.

[@CountPenta]

I agree... And I would actually like him to that to me with his autograph.

[@jimmaughan1898]

Praps u cud eet hym

[@AnEnemySpy456]

If there were only two people left on on Earth, there is no possibility that I or David Mitchell have the survival skills to be them.

[@hhairball9]

I periodically watch these videos over the past several years and this is the only one that leaves me with a wistful feeling of a missed chance. I think to myself, "I will never have the chance of having David Mitchell autograph my book because I live in America and he's on the other side of the world." Knowing that there are people out there that do have their books with a personal message from Mr Mitchell written inside makes me feel inside like I missed out on something. Silly, isn't it?

[@leeshapon]

I feel the same, but only because when this video was published I was literally 10 years old and had no idea he even existed. Time isn’t fair…

[@shuttershocker]

I've never really understand getting an autograph and NOT getting a photo, unless they don't want you to. Anyone can buy an autograph but you can't get a photo of yourself with that person anywhere else.

[@ignoranceandcrisps]

When the price of his book was dropping, I was half expecting it to reach the point where they actually pay you to take it away...

[@3xsweetiepiex3]

I like to get books signed, and I'd get pictures of my favourite actors/actresses signed but I really don't see the point in getting a random piece of paper signed. There's something nice about having a book or photograph signed because it distinguishes it from the thousands of others that are printed.

[@eIucidate]

Easiest way of 'changing a celebrity's life' (moreover, a high-profile one) is to donate a quid to Comic Relief. The presenter will read out a different figure to that which they would have read had you not donated. Sad, aren't I?

[@Sammedine]

Unless they decide to round the number.

[@OmikronGT]

I've always thought about this. Sometimes someone who is on a thing reads out the exact number of people who are watching said thing, and it gives me pleasure that they would have had to say a different number if I was not watching.

[@singalexsong]

It's a minimum of £5 or £10 now though…

[@jacksoncutts3319]

Apparently he has a book out I've heard.

[@TheExplodingBacon]

Where did u hear that?

[@carlosantuckwell]

Are you sure?!

[@Cruciatum]

I share the exact same thoughts as you, David. The feeling of changing someone's life like that is quite enjoyable.

[@alexturlais8558]

In the days before mobile phones, autographs made sense. Now, taking a selfie with a celebrity is quicker, more personal, and easier than ever.

[@NathanielWinkelmann]

I always figured that getting an autograph was just a formality for facilitating the conversation between author/artist/whatever and the audience. Maybe I am alone in this but I would find it odd if an author just sat behind a table in a book store and had people come up to him/her just to say hi? I think "Can you sign this?" is decent excuse and just as good as any icebreaker.

[@GJ22]

I like the way he talkes about what we all think at some point

[@Claggyt]

I made a negative comment on one of the other "Soapbox" youtube clips so I'll even it out with a positive one. DM's book is pretty good and I'd especially recommend it as an audio download as it is read by DM himself which adds a lot of value to it. The book does not contain much profanity but I WILL say that not many people can deliver the word "cunt" in as fully a justified and artistic a way as can Mr Mitchell.

[@gemstonerose4648]

i have only listened to the chapter about victoria and I must admit it was a lovely listen

[@DM-kv9kj]

I think David should write another book, for children.. called, "The Poo-Cake Murderer".

[@lunavenj5189]

Sounds like a book that would either be for children or strictly for adults

[@robertgregson2183]

David signed in the mail for me ages ago I still have it somewhere Just to meet a chat with someone famous is always fun anything else is a bonus and Ive been to places and met people I never thought I would ever meet its a great hobby

[@iansukeforth]

my favorite episode of the series thus far.

[@CrashSable]

If Robert Webb writes a book, I'm going to find David and get him to sign it with the message "Just thought you'd like to know, I really like marzipan. Love David." Or even better, I'll get him to do it on Lee Mack's book.

[@leeshapon]

well he’s written two books now, so you better get on with it

[@TreacleMary]

I would buy 'Pale Ale: A Beginner's Guide' whether it were signed by David Mitchell or not.

[@MrNapoleanDynamite1]

He was signing books at the York Waterstones last Sunday. I met him there.

[@Thiefree]

I feel much the same when someone I admire responds to one of my tweets. For a moment, I existed in their glittering world of fame and talent, and that's nearly almost a bit like glittering myself, isn't it? Sort of?

[@Hypergraffiti]

I would love to change David Mitchell's life by getting him to write his name in a book for me. I laughed so much at this because I do the exact same thing when signing books with alternating "Best Wishes" and "All the Best" and then think, Why? Why do that? Now I know why.

[@woodfamily5229]

I am an artist and on many occasions .. okay five times.. someone has asked for me to autograph a piece or a copy of my book. Let me tell you, I felt like a complete moron each time. I am so glad that David Mitchell spelled out how absurd it is. Thank you.

[@CaptainElli]

Dear David, you recently signed a book in Oxford for a girl who said it was for their friend "Bain". This is unforgivable. Bain is my best friend and, while I may not be the best at expressing emotions and whatnot, I am pretty amazing at gift-giving (I like to think of the latter as a substitute for the former). I can never top a signed book from her favourite person. I will actually have to tell Bain something emotional now. Great.

[@jessicalee333]

Regarding the sight gag starting at 2:20 David Mitchell: Back Story is now selling for one pound twenty-three.

[@Jeffmorgan1991]

Halfway through the book. It's a wonderful read, well done David! Also due to the Audio Book I am starting to think in your voice on odd accounts. It is very strange indeed.

[@keiththefish92]

I think that's the beauty of it.

[@diggeler]

One has to love that guy. Keeps making me laugh out loudly in front of my pc. Not many can achieve that :)

[@handav8766]

'stop following me or else' in the background made me laugh.

[@LinkinParkFanBoy123]

Aha he wrote 'All the best' for me, i'm so happy to be one of the strangers.

[@MrElegos]

KZbin automatically stops updating view count at 301-309ish while it waits to be checked for rule breaking. They don't stop tracking likes, however, so popular videos will often easily have more likes then views for the first few hours it's up.

[@FlipFlopMopatop]

I really want a signed photograph with David now.

[@raven_of_zoso455]

I have signed three autographs (in my career as a "celebrity"). One was to a nine year old kid who said he used to pretend he was me, which was quite freaky, the other was to a random guy in his forties who was just traveling through the town where I live, and the third one was a super old guy who lives in the same town as me. lol... Being on national TV in the 21st century is not as glamorous as some people will have it to. Then again, I was neither entertaining or very positive about anything, but at least I was myself!

[@ElleKelsheimer]

When I went to get an autograph from David Sedaris, we had a 5-min conversation which he used as context for the autograph message. He also gave me a condom because I was an 18-year-old who was "Listening to a middle age man read his diary rather than getting pregnant in the neighbor's tool shed." Ha ha, love that guy!

[@vrvds]

a bit weird

[@GDNITE]

Just a bit, yeah..

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

Ah, but that's David Sedaris for you. He's awesome.

[@Reman1975]

I bought the audiobook version of "Back story" to play while driving at work, and have to say I really enjoyed it. If you "Get" David's humour it's well worth getting.

[@jb888888888]

That makes me wonder, if you brought your copy of the audiobook to David Mitchell would/could he append to the beginning or end of the recording "to Reman1975, all the best, David Mitchell"?

[@Reman1975]

@@jb888888888 He'd be more likely to say, "WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME !?!? I'm calling the police!". :D

[@jb888888888]

@@Reman1975 As long as he says "David Mitchell" at the end it still counts. Remember to bring an audio recording device.

[@DavydAtkins]

It proves you've met the person, just as much that your signature on a contract proves you agree to the legally binding terms.

[@johnradcliffe4380]

I think autographs are from "back in the day" before being able to take a very awkward photo of your favourite celeb in a restaurant, high street, boozer...

[@angeladawn805]

Now my only remaining life's ambition is to bump into Mr. Mitchell, and ask him to write "no hostile wishes etc....."

[@FwiiChan]

I've never understood the thing about autographs either! I'M SO HAPPY TO KNOW I'M NOT ALONE! (A feeling I get a lot from watching these soapboxes)

[@ManicWolf]

I now have two goals in my life: Goal one: Buy that book. Goal two: Inconvenience David Mitchell by getting him to write my name and some insincere best wishes in that book.

[@AubriGryphon]

Naturally, that will be your standard requested signature from now on forever.

[@MadScientist14159]

I'm giving you a thumbs up for correct use of obscure punctuation. Well done.

[@Tbird761]

This man needs to write a book.

[@L3onOfKings]

A given autograph is more personal than that of a mere photo with a celebrity, the autograph is like a piece of art expressed from the person you admire, and I would think that no 2 autographs are 100% the same, so I guess it can feel like it's an unique piece of memorabilia written from the hand of the person you respect and admire. An autograph can be the only real connection many people are able to have with their heroes/stars/artists. Would they rather be stalked? An autograph will suffice.

[@Andrea-xs4ny]

I changed a few lives in my youth. One of the more distinguished lives I changed was Edward Albee's. Now, with David Mitchell's help, I realize that all of these people probably loathed every second of it. I'm very sorry.

[@qeinar]

I've also never understood getting autographs.

[@Elevantband]

in the background it says please stop following me or else, and it's signed by him. ahh david, its the little things :)

[@IainDoc15]

I'm going to start writing that on birthday cards and such, would probably make them more memorable

[@janelleelizabeth]

I'm proud to say I've already got that book. And I love to be one of those strangers he'd written his name for.

[@aaron4820]

I've been to a book signing once, queued for almost 3 hours, not to get an autograph even though I got one (and a picture too), but I couldn't see another opportunity where I'd get to meet Chris Hadfield other than that.

[@djsyntic]

I'm sad that "To Beard Or Not To Beard" is not a book by David Mitchell. I actually looked it up online before watching the video because of the thumbnail.

[@SeventhEve]

I totally agree; I only want an autograph if it's inside a book that person's written, or maybe on their DVD or something. I don't understand getting a celebrity to sign a napkin or your boob. There is an author I particularly admire who I've met twice, and on both occasions had him sign a different book of his. The best bit was that he remembered my name the second time, and its spelling, before I could re-introduce myself.

[@txvoltaire]

I loved your book, David!

[@WalterLiddy]

This is quite a clever pre-emptive action against people asking for autographs on his book. Everyone who's seen this will hesitate to ask.

[@MrJoeyWheeler]

I love the pricedrop gag on his 'book'.

[@Haaris.Qureshi]

I think people ask for autographs rather than photos because they feel photos would be too much of an inconvenience (despite Mitchell's assertions that that is the point, which probably is true, but not the thought that is running through someone's mind before meeting a celebrity). And also, at events like premiers and such, they have hundreds of people to meet, so there's the time thing as well.

[@elvisleeboy]

I think for a lot of people, meeting David Mitchell would be a very nice thing. But, as with so many moments in life, it would be a very fleeting one. Autographs are an attempt to capture that moment, a physical memento to make such a lovely moment last forever, in the same way that photographs are. People want to ensure that they remember such a nice moment with clarity, rather than have it clouded through the passage of time.

[@jublywubly]

I've had very similar thoughts about autographs. Meeting famous people is weird for both parties. They don't know me and I don't know them. I cherish things friends have written more than things a stranger has written, regardless of who is more well known.

[@InnocenceExperience]

I got a 16th birthday card from Jake LaMotta, the boxer who De Niro played in raging bull. I read his autobiography and idolised him so my dad wrote him a letter and sent with it a blank birthday card for him to fill in and return. JL cut the birthday card in half so it would fit in a smaller envelope than the one my dad sent. I have half a birthday card from LaMotta, bearing the words 'My pal Steven, God loves you, Jake Lamotta, the raging bull'.

[@SiskinOnUTube]

You've made autograph hunters sound like they work at a job centre. When I signed on, I used to wonder what I was agreeing to half the time, but they gave me the money to get some bread, so I wasn't going to argue.

[@Ceruleanst]

I would have liked to see a copy of "Cloud Atlas" in this video just to imagine the wave of resultant confusion.

[@SpokesK]

Your CGI guy has a field day each episode.

[@chrisrice8932]

Nice use of the interrobang there!

[@agdgdgwngo]

Actually made me think, quite a lot if I ever ran into David somewhere and somehow ended up speaking to him, would I want an autograph? I definitely would if I had one of his books or a Peep Show DVD or something

[@ohmygoditsjo]

Adding on to my previous comment, I suppose the origin of getting the celebrity to write their own name was to collate them in an autograph book as proof of all the people you have met. I know someone who had a book about the movie she liked and then hunted down all of the stars at various publicity events and got them all to sign the book, proving her loyalty to the fan-base and having a record of all the stars she had met. Each to their own, I suppose.

[@illusion-xiii]

I stand corrected. In my meager defense, in my browser it really looks a lot like a question mark. But on closer inspection yeah, it's an interrobang so that was my mistake.

[@evvo123]

Indeed, that's exactly how I feel if I get re-tweeted by a celebrity / someone I admire.

[@JoolsyB]

I'm not entirely certain, but I vaguely recall hearing something to the effect that David Mitchell does indeed have a book out.

[@woonsrus]

And upon a higher plane of pedantry, the last mark that you assumed was a question mark was in fact, indeed, an interrobang... so make your approximations closer

[@Hephaestus84]

I'm going to see David Mitchell in conversation on the weekend - having seen this I'm also going to inconvenience him slightly and get his autograph.

[@SMuJ17]

'You are the hole in the ring!' (wrong one, but still made me laugh)

[@billbarrett89]

I think that his beard wrote it. It has developed a completely independent personality.

[@Lewis0Bunney]

lol you took the words right out of my mouth.

[@Lewis0Bunney]

Mine says "To Lewis, David Mitchel" on the first page already, needed no advertising :P

[@ThePhoenixJacobSmith]

I'm rather happy to say I'm one of those strangers he wrote his name for

[@como128]

On one occasion during a visit to the city of Montreal, I was eating dinner in a Polish restaurant, when I saw a famous actress enter and sit down by herself at a table near to where I was seated. It never occurred to me to ask her for an autograph. Now, when I tell my friends that I saw this lady in this restaurant, they believe me because they know that I am not a liar and I don't need to produce a piece of paper with her signature on it to prove that I didn't make this story up.

[@K9Negative]

I'm too shy to go up to a stranger to say hi, even if it was a celebrity. I'd always be afraid of bothering them. And autographs are pointless for me.

[@miduchalan1]

If I ever meet him, I will ask him to write "No hostile wishes"

[@OmegaSoypreme]

Hey I hear David's got a book out!

[@nitehawk86]

1:15 I would have Mitchell sign that for me. However I have just learned that he, in fact, did not pen a book titled "Pale Ale: A Beginners' Guide", and am very disappointed.

[@thanksfernuthin]

HAAAA! Great. I too have had no desire for autographs but can understand the desire in others. I remember waiting in line for an artist that inspired me greatly. He went to sign the book and I stopped him. (That would ruin it.) I just wanted to tell him how much I appreciated his work. Thanked him and left.

[@azzymj]

oh David makes me laugh. nice way to start the day!

[@AnnDVine]

Well. Now I need to go to the store and buy a book.

[@ThePhudD]

Things that life has taught me: Never go dogging in a bubble-car: never leave the Flash Bathroom Wipes beside the Johnston's Baby wipes on the cistern (especially if you're a hemorrhoid sufferer) and never ask Van Morrison for an autograph (but if you really have to, make sure he uses a crayon)!

[@LaMalBoyd]

Wow this guy is hilarious, love his comedy, and the way his charming wire-brush beard bobbles away at the camera gives pleasure to my eye-balls. On an unrelated note, does anyone know if he has a book out? I wish to be part of this charmers life :)