Signs You Have Depression Because of Your Childhood

Depression is more than just a state of sadness; it's a complex mental health condition that can have various roots. And childhood trauma can be one of them. Here are a few signs you have depression because of your childhood.
IMPORTANT: Depression is a complex mental illness with many different possible causes. Childhood trauma can be the cause, but it doesn't have to be. If you didn't experience childhood trauma but are depressed, please know that your struggles are still valid! Please take care and talk to a mental health professional to get to the roots of your depression and come up with a treatment plan.
5 Signs You Are Severely Depressed, Not Just Sad: • 5 Signs You Are Severe...
Signs You Have Smiling Depression: • Signs You Have Smiling...
7 Signs It is Not Depression, But Sadness: • 7 Signs It is Not Depr...
#depression #trauma #childhood
Writer: Stela Kosic
Script editor: Michal Mitchell
Script manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Jemimah (new animator)
KZbin Manager: Cindy Cheong
Resources:
Asseraf, M., & Vaillancourt, T. (2014). Longitudinal Links Between Perfectionism and Depression in Children. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 43(5), 895-908. doi.org/10.1007/s10802-014-9947-9
Farrell, J. M., Shaw, I. A., & Webber, M. A. (2009). A schema-focused approach to group psychotherapy for outpatients with borderline personality disorder: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 40(2), 317-328. doi.org/10.1016/j.jbtep.2009.01.002
Kellogg, S. H., & Young, J. E. (2006). Schema therapy for borderline personality disorder. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62(4), 445-458. doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20240
Malogiannis, I. A., Arntz, A., Spyropoulou, A., Tsartsara, E., Aggeli, A., Karveli, S., Vlavianou, M., Pehlivanidis, A., Papadimitriou, G. N., & Zervas, I. (2014). Schema therapy for patients with chronic depression: A single case series study. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 45(3), 319-329. doi.org/10.1016/j.jbtep.2014.02.003
McCrory, E. J., & Viding, E. (2015). The theory of latent vulnerability: Reconceptualizing the link between childhood maltreatment and psychiatric disorder. Development and Psychopathology, 27(2), 493-505. doi.org/10.1017/s0954579415000115
Negele, A., Kaufhold, J., Kallenbach, L., & Leuzinger-Bohleber, M. (2015). Childhood Trauma and Its Relation to Chronic Depression in Adulthood. Depression Research and Treatment, 2015, 1-11. doi.org/10.1155/2015/650804
Psychology Tools. (n.d.). Schema Modes Therapy Exercises & Worksheets. www.psychologytools.com/professional/therapies/schema-therapy/
Wang, M. T., & Kenny, S. (2013). Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms. Child Development, 85(3), 908-923. doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12143

[@Psych2go]

New research indicates that depression typically begins early in life, often originating in childhood. It is important to acknowledge and openly discuss this to promote destigmatization, awareness, and education. Join our mission to raise awareness and destigmatize mental health by sharing this video. You might save someone's lives. Together we will make a powerful impact.

[@Psych2go]

In today's world, the term "depression" is often casually used to describe feelings of sadness. This video clarifies the distinction between sadness and depression. Check out "Signs It's Not Depression, But Sadness": kzbin.info/www/bejne/gJvcqWmZgsmoba8 . Feeling sad is a common human experience, but it's essential to empower your mind to recognize the difference. Depression varies for each person, so we strongly advise against self-diagnosis. Reach out to a qualified professional for proper evaluation and support.

[@Vent...988]

Not this vid Popping up while I'm looking through my hate coments about my vents ❤️‍🩹 you guys always know what i need when i need it❤

[@Keiron-pw6sl]

New research has that right in my case abused at 14 and still dealing with it now

[@Melaniemartinezforpresident1]

What was in the alley (also your voice is amazing 🥲)

[@zirilan3398]

Genuine question: at what age is deppression diagnosable in children?

[@lonewolfnergiganos4000]

My heart goes out to everyone who has/had a rough childhood.

[@Eeeeeee32]

Thank you

[@ic3man]

Thank you

[@fortune3911]

Thank you

[@AutomaticDuck300]

I don’t really remember much before the age of 13. So it must have been rough.

[@emilie-5409]

🤗♥️

[@whiskeysolo9883]

As a child it was “the most severe punishment, for the most minor offense”.

[@Huntress_Raven]

I'm sorry...

[@icantlivewithoutnesquik2032]

im sorry man

[@Keiron-pw6sl]

I used to just sit there in silence one look and you were in trouble

[@holyfarts999]

YES, i feel like it is like that for me as well

[@whiskeysolo9883]

I did draw the line when they tried getting me to do this to my kids, hell no, I’m not going to do this kind of thing to my kids.

[@knownanonymous8802]

Schizophrenic, absent mother. Abusive father. A best friend that died in the 3rd grade. Taken advantage of a teenage babysitter when I was 6. Grandma died of a heart attack in her sleep in front of me. Had to take care of a younger brother with cerebral palsy, had to fill the role of mother from a young age and as a result was never allowed to be a kid. If someone was to tell me they went through all these things, I'd be highly skeptical and dismiss it for a grab at sympathy. No one can be that unlucky, right? Facing that others have absolutely terrible childhoods makes me face mine, and I hate that. But that's a defense mechanism. As bad as I had it, others have had it worse. However doesn't it take a PHD to figure out I'd come out a little melancholic as an adult. Lots of doubt. Hyper critical of my abilities and decision making skills. But the silver lining is I'm resourceful, responsible, and organized. I went from a welfare family to getting my own home and making a decent income, have a girlfriend, two awesome dogs and a son who is Army Airborne. However, many individuals from my dysfunctional family struggle to get by. Are in and out of prison, on heavy drugs. It's sad and I kind of understand why, but they're a reminder of how not to be. That I escaped and am thriving. Hang in there. Keep going. If I can do it, you can too.

[@pandoraalberts5267]

Your story could be mine! Thank you, friend. I too have arrived at a place in life where I can be happy, proud of a grown son, a circle of wonderful friends, and a rackety old house full of rescue dogs. Love may take a while to find, but It's just as sweet. 🙏❤️

[@ericb8413]

You’re an inspiration. 🎉

[@Galatorm]

Totally get it. Similar parkour. Still working at achieving healing and accomplishing my goals, but I progress, one step at a time.

[@Skeleton_Guy34]

Real life guts

[@Midnightxx37]

I’m sorry you went through that but glad you’re still here! Keep going 💛 you got this

[@thatonekid3870]

Getting yelled at doesn't make me "freeze" with fear, but it triggers my fight or flight response, whenever i get yelled at i try to sink further into my room and if im already in my room and im being yelled at, i yell back

[@Sandhy12341]

Kinda similar in my case. When someone shouts/yells at me, I just try to ignore it and just continue doing my thing

[@maddiebennett194]

I'm the same way, accept when I hear others yelling, I get scared and just wanna get as far away from it as I can. Sometimes it's also hard when my parents calmly talk about certain things, because you've gotten so used to the shoe always dropping, which affects your relationship also.

[@Sandhy12341]

I feel you 😔

[@AmmyTheGhost]

real, for me, it's like my brain goes onto auto-pilot, and I instantly try to leave the room or I completely shut down and can no longer respond or react to anything.

[@lastjester5109]

Getting yelled at just made me want to mute the world. Put my headphones on and listen to music. If those options are not a thing. I either snap back or try to leave the situation or just take it.

[@twilightaesthetic]

00:00 The opening lines of The Kite Runner 00:40 The link between childhood and depression 02:00 The concept of latent vulnerability 04:08 The possibility of recovery

[@PelemusMcSoy]

I should read The Kite Runner again now that it's not a school assignment and I've gotten better at analyzing stories.

[@Kem1sk]

psycho2go comments always come in clutch

[@JustaNobody-j8x]

Having been through childhood abuse and persistent bullying has left me with lasting trauma that I grapple with as an adult. Constantly being told that I’m not good enough has ingrained Imposter Syndrome and many insecurities in me, stunting my emotional growth. It also created social anxiety, impacting my ability to form connections hence making it challenging to build friendships or dating. Sometimes I wish I could do a hard reset to my life and start all over again.

[@dean4714]

This.

[@lua_mesquita]

Exactly. I'm trying my best here.

[@jimvenanzio6561]

me three.

[@Everythingismeaningless344]

Totally understand.

[@Mystic_Light]

I'm sorry you experienced that. I believe a great many of us feel this way about a hard reset! I am saddened by the number of people affected to the degree that it causes social isolation. Childhood trauma often mimics autism in adults sadly, and many are likely misdiagnosed, especially if they never speak about their childhood experiences. Let's keep doing better by learning about ourselves to console, comfort, and heal the child within. ❤ Seek someone to talk with, it helps a lot to have an outside perspective.

[@shadinz]

I can say that this video is 100% right and on the spot. I'm 37 and being a first responder brought lots of PTSDs in my twenties. I still love my job and I endured many years of struggling with depression, but I recently found out with my psychologist that everything started when I was a kid, as far as I can remember around 7 years old. Every mental problems I struggled with in my whole life started from there and made me a person that had more risks to develop those kind of mental illness. I truly hope there's a road to recovery. Been struggling for over 25-30 years now and only now I've decided to deal with it, after a suicide attempt. One day at a time folks, as they say, ''a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step''. Take care everyone... 🤗

[@MRahkmenRAH]

I was constantly told to be by myself and the job caused one parent to ignore my needs, all while I watched both parents spend time with other people.... I knew it was rejection, but I didn't understand it at a young age. At the age of 11, I knew something was wrong. Once again, it was dismissed, but I always knew. As an adult man, I've figured out ways to help myself and minimize the negative thoughts I feel. Day by day, I work towards loving myself more.

[@ericb8413]

I wish you success in your healing. ❤️‍🩹

[@IJustWannaSleep1]

man just when i was thinking back about my childhood and my depression this video shows up

[@Sandhy12341]

Just saw this vid and wanted to know if I'm depressed or just sad/lonely, and apparently I kinda am because of my grandmother 🙃 Instead of my parents, my grandmother would get angry and shout at you whenever you made a simple mistake or you prioritize what you were doing instead of prioritizing her needs. It's annoying and I hate it 😑

[@alexm9653]

I remember being a 7 y/o and thinking "what would people think/do if i suddenly wasn't here anymore?" because people kept bullying me, even my friends at the time, and i feel like it's been going downhill ever since. (For the record, im almost 26 so its almost 19 years ago)

[@erikohman2294]

Sounds rough.

[@bratzxrose]

Sorry you went trough that. I had the same. But i worked really hard on myself and all healed up. And got stronger because of everything ❤️‍🩹i hope you found your peace and that your okey❤

[@anderstermansen130]

At 7 years old, you dont experience real problems yet. Thats why children isnt supposed to be listened to.

[@matchalover08]

I deeply empathize with people who had a rough childhood. I struggle with it too. It feels like you're stuck in an adult body but with a wounded inner child. Daily triggers can make you spiral into depression. But please remember you have the power not to let your past to dictate your current life. These default negative thoughts will eventually dissipate if you choose not to attend to them. Let's heal together. 💚

[@wardonx887]

Im feeling like stuck inside of a mortal, weak, third world country citizen. Like someone who wants to get rid of these and be free. I dont even feel like human. I'm still a materialist but I get confused about existence when I think that Im not exist (not my body). So what is the importance of matter? What is the point of matter without thought, without knowledge? Matter will never be permanent, but thought and knowledge will remain eternal.

[@justanotheridiot6419]

What can also be a sign is attaching your emotions to people around you, making it so you can't function without them. It happened to me.. a lot.

[@seltascare4713]

Exactly- I feel no need to do something for myself, just for others. I literally don't know if I have a "myself" anymore, because I changed a lot in my behaviour just for the sake of others, but at some point, I just stopped caring about that, hoping to find the "myself" again by doing so. By losing "myself" I mean that I sadly lost the sense of "being normal" Some of my emotions are faked because I just stopped feeling some emotions for some reason- childhood reason XD, and some of my emotions are just very "small" I can't cry anymore the way I did, it's very hard for me to trigger tears, (not good, believe me), I can't feel happiness and anger- it's like I got something that blocks off your emotions and this is very very annoying, and it annoys you even more that u cant be this annoyed as u want to be about it. People started calling me a bot for that reason and this is disgusting :( If there is something left that I feel right, this is loneliness and the deep tired and sad me that since her childhood wanted love and understanding from her parents instead of the untrusty injuries that can easily be triggered and so my emotions- blockade develop each time more and more and there is sadly just 1 way out- not being lonely.

[@wardonx887]

​@@seltascare4713Earning back "yourself" by destroying "you" determined by people. Nice one. Always good to seeing more people like me

[@emilymfv]

The bullying that I suffered during my childhood "helped" my brain's development of chronic depression (I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21 bc "I've always been this way/this is my personality"). I had awesome parents, a loving family, and loving friends that I'm still in contact with, but my classmates' cruelty really sunk into my soul to this day, add ADHD to the mix and its basically a rescepy for disaster It is important to know that 'trauma' isn't always so clear; it took me YEARS to realize that I actually did have a traumatic childhood even though I wasn't abused at home or didn't go through some world crushing event. Trauma isn't always loud, it can be a whisper that can hunt the rest of your life if you don't face it

[@H7X]

I also have ADHD and just feel like what I experienced didn't last enough time, or wasn't something that happened a lot, so I think to myself it's not trauma at all and I'm finding excuses for being an idiot. Like, for example, apart from the bullying I went through, too, some abusive things happened, but only for some days, and I don't feel like it's valid at all, I moved on but it's still a thing that makes me question if I'm overexaggerating or not. I hate my brain sometimes lmao

[@lastjester5109]

I wasn't abuse either and whenever u get onto this subject I basically gaslight myself that I am making excuses and to stop being a bitch. But I related way to much to this video that now I believe I might have some weight to this and it's not just my ADHD or me making excuses

[@holyfarts999]

I am not diagnosed with depression, but experienced these things thought my life. ESPECIALLY someone yelling at me/getting mad at me. I have a extreme phobia of that.

[@isaacsAWW2nerd]

same

[@SomeRandomUserOnline]

Same (please don’t turn the into a chain)

[@RIBERRY5.20]

I would cry , ......

[@mr.mcflurryco.1034]

I was never treated badly by my parents (parent for most of my life) but I still show some of these aspects. I feel like nothing less than perfection (or at least my absolute best) is acceptable, my self esteem has been low for years, raised voices gives me loads of anxiety, and losing those I love is always a constant fear of mine. I don't have anything to point at for many of my problems, but I feel like I may have caused them somehow. Edit: (Super off topic, but it's here anyways.) The only thing I really can attribute most of this to is my desperation for friends and attention earlier in my school life. I was fairly isolated, the "odd one out" in primary. I had few if any friends and the others wanted nothing to do with me. I changed my personality to fit in and have friends and attention. It wasn't fun, and those "friends" were bad company. Those earlier years may have given me the fear of loneliness that I have. I fell into a cycle of people pleasing in order to get friends and attention, making me ignore who I was as a person. I've since gotten better, but I still end up blindly following friends for their approval, even against my better judgment. (I am appreciative that I had a relatively good home life, though.)

[@PelemusMcSoy]

I can kinda relate to that. I had a good home growing up, but I felt isolated as well in school (niche hobbies, shy, weird). I was terrified of losing friends as well, especially since it felt like I had so few. My therapist had me look back on each of my negative emotions: what was the earliest feeling of it I can remember? Did the feeling repeat? He then had me write about them and the impact they had on me. I ultimately kept coming back to two major feelings: Jealousy and Self Loathing. We dug more into those, and now I'm doing much better on those fronts. Look back into your past on what plagues you, make the connections to past events that may have had an impact. Explore them more, try to find any common threads. Hang in there. You _will_ get through this. =)

[@nicegoal6608]

Life is so miserable

[@lourdesmedina2842]

I’m in AMR Therapy for PTSD and Trauma … I fell into depression and disassociation life happened where I was forced to grow up but not know fully how to be an adult. It’s just overwhelming to absorb. I’m majoring in Psychology now learning new techniques

[@jazznblues9496]

I'm aware that something distressing occurred during my childhood, which seems to have triggered a form of childhood amnesia. Memories of birthdays, Christmas, or any celebrations elude me. Whenever someone attempts to photograph me, I experience waves of nausea and sweat. Though I'm certain something significant transpired, the specifics remain elusive. This burden has been with me for over 40 years, and it appears I'll carry it to my grave.

[@ericb8413]

I can’t remember lots of my childhood too. After about 16 yrs old I remember everything. Weird. My father was a real rager and beat us kids plus screaming and cussing. I suffer from depression and there’s nothing in my life to be depressed about. I have everything going great so I feel bad for being depressed like I have no right to feel like this. 😢

[@anderstermansen130]

Just get over it, jeez

[@MoodyBluesRequiem80]

​@@anderstermansen130WOW. How empathic, what are you doing here if you are so cruel?

[@jazznblues9496]

@@anderstermansen130 Upon first reading this, my initial response was simply a sigh. It serves as a stark critique of a segment of society that appears devoid of empathy or compassion. In my own career path, compassion has been instrumental in fostering a fulfilling and prosperous life. However, upon deeper reflection, I can't help but feel sorrow for you. Failing to glean lessons from the world around you stunts personal growth, leaving you trapped in a state of cold, unfeeling detachment.

[@anderstermansen130]

@@MoodyBluesRequiem80 Thats what ive been told throughout my childhood. Live with it, or get over it.

[@Travis00q86]

My mom, my dad, my big brother. I don’t hate any of them, but I no longer love them.

[@delune501]

man I keep thinking about that exact same sentence when I think about my familly

[@matthew8149]

I can relate to this

[@hillarysmith9778]

I’m very sorry you feel so alienated by your family. I know what that is like. It’s not fun. Just know you have a purpose here. Try and keep your head up. Well wishes!!!

[@matthew8149]

@@hillarysmith9778 You say he has a purpose to live, how can you be sure? Are you a psychic or do you have some kind of time machine?

[@Karuborino]

​@@matthew8149 Geez, people cant even say good things to others anymore

[@hollowedvessel3941]

I relate to this- My mother wasn’t loving. She beat me, insulted me, and… took something from me that I will never get back. She did all of this when I was young, small, and weak But now, I’m surrounded by people who actually love and care about me. Even so, I will never forget the abuse of my childhood. It is not something any child should know.

[@Liam-T-M]

I will care about you no matter what

[@Liam-T-M]

I will care about you no matter what

[@SonicGamerGirl2006]

No child in general should EVER have to go through abuse. I'm really sorry you had to go through such a traumatic childhood. I hope you're doing much better now, my friend. 💙🫂

[@anderstermansen130]

just get over it, lol. How hard can it be

[@Raven_Animates]

The majority of my depression came from my first school, i was well behaved and even told the truth at times after figuring out between right and wrong. whilst yes i was playful at times and kind of a nuisance i just wanted to be treated by others the same way i treated them, which i now think of to be too much to ask for now because of the many times this didn't happen to me, i kinda developed this thing where i'm always apologizing for the most minor inconvenience feel as though everything i do may annoy someone or get them to be mad at me, i also have that feeling that friends of mine don't even care for me, no matter how many times they tell me they do it just doesn't work, i try to act well whilst being yelled at but deep inside i feel my heart coming close to a break, i have also become EXTREMELY vulnerable in these times, so much so that i'm too afraid of defending myself just because i constantly think if they will do worse to me if i do, there's therapy stuff they do in my college i believe but i haven't though of asking for help because i'm too scared i'll mess up something again, as i've also become clumsy in the meantime.

[@user-du8kq7gg1y]

You know sometimes I really wish I had a friend like me 😔

[@crazycatladym3027]

My parents were great while i was growing up, it was school that i was bullied and a so called friend who also bullied me. 40+ years later it still messes me up 😒

[@anderstermansen130]

LOL just get over it.

[@crazycatladym3027]

@@anderstermansen130 easier said then done pal.

[@jakethenecromorph]

I deal with depression basically every single day and here you basically described me. 3:15

[@Benjifan2000]

I have a friend who's been depressed since long before I met him. He's always talking negatively about himself and how he wants to khs, but I've been able to talk him out of it multiple times. His family is abusive and neglectful. He's rarely eating or getting sleep. Something else I worry about is the fact that he wants to join the military. He says he doesn't want help, but I'm always there for him if he needs any.

[@lorettablakeman3335]

You're a good friend,but don't forget to take care of yourself

[@Kirkiro_pun]

I've been watching you for a couple of years now! Keep up the work

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for your support! It really means a lot to us. What were some of your fave topics that we covered at Psych2go?

[@Kirkiro_pun]

@@Psych2go The topics where you talk about depression and disorders that people have

[@rock5fr1]

the threat of being left homeless by my father for not cleaning my room or any other minor offenses. Actually being left behind in another city by him or he actually told me that my problems were my own and that his job was more important than my issues, that I should learn to solve them by myself because he wasn't going to help. And the physical abuse by my cousins and people at school. By age 5 I had my first suicidal thoughts....

[@keywerd6403]

i never thought i would be reading this, i go through the exact same thing

[@rock5fr1]

@@keywerd6403 I'll say this, we are not alone

[@SonicGamerGirl2006]

You had thoughts of suicide at just 5 years old?! Wow... this is so beyond heartbreaking. 😢😢💔 I REALLY hope you were able to cut all ties with your "father", and cousins. They don't deserve to have you. Ever. 😞😓

[@anderstermansen130]

Out of all things that never actually happened, this story never happened the most. At 5 years old, we barely have developed self awareness yet.

[@rock5fr1]

@@anderstermansen130 ok, because you know me and ypu spoke to my psychologist, so I guess you must be right.

[@homohabilis8579]

I’ve been on a rough childhood. I was bullied for being too slow because I am neurodivergent (undiagnosed ADHD) but had some signs. I was rejected by some of my classmates because I am not a good playmate and I was too slow to catch up on things. That’s why I tend to isolate things and also I got traumatized because someone yelled at me in the past. I loved dancing and singing but I was criticize because I am slow. Thus it makes me become diffident. Those traumas makes me cry sometimes whenever I think of it. Until now at 27, I still have those baggages because I feel like no one understands me.

[@SonicGamerGirl2006]

Bullying sucks. It sucks real bad... 😞😓 I know the feeling of being bullied. To this day, it's still painful to talk about. 😞😓

[@nomad_boreal]

I guess age 12 thru 14 were probably the toughest years growing up. Having to leave friends behind to move to a different state because of the military, my mother and alcoholic father frequently getting in heated arguments, my brother treating me like I was a nuisance when he had friends over...on top of stress from school and homework. Can't remember how many times I'd just shut myself in my room, or literally hide behind the couch, just to stay out of sight. Home felt like a psychological warzone. Guess that's why I still opt for a reclusive lifestyle today. Nearly 40 and been living alone the last eight years. At least this way I can feel in control of my life.

[@xeseriesthepsycho]

Growing up my dad beat my mom, and I was forced to watch. I had terrible nightmares and couldn't sleep for shit, so I slept in my mothers bed for almost 4 years to cope. I remember her telling me that he came in one night with a knife, and held it to her chest and threatened to kill her if she screamed. I was right beside her. Finally, thanks to my step dad, she mustered the courage to get rid of my father, and left him on his mothers doorstep in Philidelphia, then came right home to me. With him gone, I could finally start sleeping in my own room, and eventually I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. But to this day, I am still petrified of my father.

[@SonicGamerGirl2006]

I have a sister-in-law who also has an excessive fear of her biological father. I may not know how it feels to have such a horrible father, but I can understand how scary it was to see your father nearly kill your mother. Hugs to you, my friend. I hope you're able to heal from the trauma and learn to forgive yourself. 💙🫂

[@TheDivineCheese]

this is better therapy than thinking about how many cheese graters can grate a cheese grater if another cheese grater is grating cheese while the cheese grater grating cheese is also cheese grating a cheese grater but the cheese grater is being grated by all the other cheese graters. truly inspiring.

[@Huntress_Raven]

🤣

[@Rosa_Sericea]

I think my brain just melted a little.

[@erinismyship]

Fr. This comment really inspired me as well. 😌

[@pandoraalberts5267]

Throw in an onion! 😘

[@Psych2go]

Cheese grater

[@PelemusMcSoy]

I recently had therapy due to a devastating break up and subsequent fallout, and the subject expanded out to how I had difficulty with rejection. Initially, my therapist kept having me go as far back as possible, always asking about my childhood; I remember being mildly annoyed by this because I had a relatively good childhood. He had me think about past relationships and rejections, then about what I felt at those moments, and to explore more about those feelings by seeing how far back they went and if they ever repeated. This caused me to have my first mini eureka: I was constantly plagued by jealousy and self loathing. I was always jealous of the successes others had around me: lots of friends, girlfriends, talents and skills; it felt like I never had any of my own. I was also made fun of a lot for being weird as a kid; the things I liked were more niche and less mainstream, so I had trouble connecting with my classmates. I was also rejected by all my crushes in school until college (though she effectively confessed to me first), and as an adult I felt undesirable because my political views are opposite of my home's norms (the last two women I was _hated_ this about me). I worked through this by realizing that I do have my own successes, they're just different from others' and are less obvious to me because they're just a normal part of my life (I remember thinking it was awesome my dad and brother could command meetings and were very knowledgable of stuff, and then five minutes later I took command of my own meeting where I was highly knowledgable of my job). I also find that jealousy can be a great motivator for me: "Hmm...those people have that thing I want...what do I need to do to get my own...?" I also embraced that rejections are beneficial as they are a way of saying, "We're just not compatible. You wouldn't be happy with me, anyway." This has allowed me to handle the dating scene with more grace. I've also decided to move somewhere that will be more in sync with my views so I don't have to be on constant edge (fingers crossed it works out!). It's never too late. If you made it this far, thank you for reading my story, and remember that someone loves you.

[@Blisscent]

30 years of depression. I’m 35 now. Still haven’t beaten it

[@livex38]

If you suspect you have depression, please see your health care doctor, your therapist, talk to someone you trust that can help you or even a school counselor. Do not self diagnose based on 1-2 videos. And if you do not have anyone to turn to for this, you could do some research and find resources online/locally. Try to reach out for help, don't let it delay for too long. Depression can be managed. Don't give up on yourself.

[@stenchofjustice]

He called me worthless everyday, eventually it just became easier to accept it, and own it, rather than trying to prove him wrong. I just relate with this so much, and I know my mom only stood by because of the trauma she experience, and my step dad only did what he did because of what happened to him growing up.

[@Travis00q86]

‏I can't believe myself. I can't believe I didn't do anything to save me from this life. Maybe I could have done something for myself, but I didn't try. Every time I think about it, I almost go crazy

[@Huntress_Raven]

Yes, Running Away would have been better for me, too. (Or so one would think.) But there are a LOT of bad people in this world.

[@barbarav4046]

Don't be so hard on yourself. This information has come up very recently. I, too, experience self-hatred for not understanding, but what could have we done? We are survivors, let's start from that. We can do something now, in order not to perpetuate the state.

[@Nishad621]

I'm 16 and have been facing extreme childhood trauma since 5. It has ruined my mental health so much that my body has started to act differently because of it. I can't do anything, I need help.

[@theifysnightmare1316]

ouch.... im currentky going through therapy, for all kinds of trauma that my childhood and young adulthood went through. My heart gose to anyone whos suffered as a child and is trying to make themselves better

[@darkreaper9205]

For me 1 horrible upbringing 2 being Abused as a child 3 Family drama --------------------------------------------------------- I'm currently suffering from severe Depression & trauma & anxiety. I'm been seeing a therapist but it's not really helping

[@azurewrath84]

Do see a trauma informed therapist, look up techniques like somatic experiencing and EMDR, and medicine does help manage to a certain extent

[@grindsaur]

“You had to save yourself from an angry or distant parent” hit disproportionately hard…

[@neofulcrum5013]

I hope to never put my own children (if I ever have any) through the type of depressive stuff I went through as a kid.

[@anderstermansen130]

such as?

[@dragonsuper6195]

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if my childhood was actually proper

[@twatery_grave]

I'm watching these videos, and I keep finding myself in these...

[@magneticflux8870]

I specifically searched for this video and decided to write my heart out in just few lines..idk how I am even alive till now ...Since childhood I was used a puppet for others to get entertainment. .my parents never intervened ...I became emotionally fragile ....and I know i'm just an asset to my parents for money minting someday not more than that ...My heart cries everytime I remember these words...Wish somebody could have loved me unconditionally as I did for many others ...😔

[@kaikki_nimet5179]

This channel is so valuable for me

[@TimelessMoon]

Yea growing up with a narcissist and my at the time best friend being also very narcissistic really did leave a mark huh.

[@Skyloves18]

The experience of enduring childhood abuse and persistent bullying has inflicted lasting trauma that continues to shape my life as an adult. The constant barrage of messages telling me that I am inadequate has deeply ingrained feelings of Imposter Syndrome and a multitude of insecurities within me, significantly stunting my emotional growth. Moreover, these experiences have given rise to social anxiety, greatly impacting my ability to form meaningful connections, making it a formidable challenge to establish friendships and navigate the world of dating. At times, I find myself yearning for a complete reset, a chance to start anew and rebuild my life from the ground up after my twin died last year i am scared, maybe maybe in the next life me and my twin will live a happy and peace full life rest in peace my twin brother

[@kryssysmith1486]

My upbringing was so bad, that I was depressed by the time I was 5 and also suicidal. Thankfully I'm on meds I still have my bad days but I have better ones now that I'm on medication I'm in therapy as well.

[@evannabil6055]

Ive suffered depression since 3 years, but now im doing great. I feel great, but i still have a feeling that my negative thoughts will brain wash me with false information, hallucinations, and emotional distress.

[@Tvdiet]

For me it started when my parents moved me and my siblings to a closer school. I begged them not to move Me I had friends I loved being with them but I had no choice No one understood me at the new school no one came up to me I was bullied and ignored by the other kids it made me feel worthless as a human going up to high school didn’t help. Those were awful years I just picked the furthest corner and kept to myself Left highschool with no Friends and because of my experiences I’ve been unable to talk to a lot of people outside of a quick hi how are you, forming potential bonds with people is impossible My Parents have since agreed moving me out of that first school was a Mistake, had I stayed I’m positive I would have turn out not broken on the inside

[@squashylove]

I can’t believe you mentioned kite runner omg 😭 I loved that book but it was also so so sad

[@trinaq]

Thanks so much for this video, it really helped me to deal with my childhood trauma.

[@RYOKUBE]

Hope you're doing well from now until then, we're fighting our demon from the beginning

[@justdracir8197]

Damn is that a Rika as thumbnail? Amazing D:

[@siphemanana2551]

I thought that was Fujino from Garden of Sinners

[@deepakshitiwari7407]

Thanx , now I know why I don't feel anything when someone shout at me , I hate my self for being strong I'm weak as hell .......................

[@galathemermaid]

When I was only 10-11, I attempted at least 20 times in one year... And yet, it hasn't changed. I'm planning to see a therapist one day to try and help myself. These videos have suddenly made me seld conscious of my mental health (⁠ꏿ⁠﹏⁠ꏿ⁠;⁠)

[@LaneThePlane]

I'm starting therapy tomorrow :) extremely excited yet nervous.

[@PelemusMcSoy]

You'll do great! Be open and honest with yourself, and do what your therapist recommends. It will take time to process everything, but it will be time well spent. You got this!

[@rimoringo]

I felt that, it's 100% my story. Thank you , I know understand that everything is related. However I'm not even sure I want to recover even if I can. Yes I might suffer from it everyday but I feel like it's also still protecting me. The very few people whom I gave my trust to all betrayed me, no exception. People are also making fun of me everyday because of my look and my dirty clothes (I have almost no money to eat so no money to do my laundry either) so the fact my emotions are still supressed still helps me a lot to this day. I also feel like it's part of my personality now. I feel like having no emotion and being careful of everyone everytime is the right thing to do in our current society. It's not easy everyday especially with my depersonalization and my panic attacks being now 20 years old, but I'm scared to lose a part of me (even tho I'm probably wrong)

[@soraniostaur3839]

this is such an upsetting video for me, but dear god I could listen to Amanda's voice for hours :(

[@oyoyoyo7624]

last night, watching the beginning of this video, something clicked! at last i realized why its so hard for me to ask for help. as a young child, dressing in my mom’s clothes & saying things that spoke to my not feeling like a boy, weren’t well-received. by the time i was a pre-teen, i didnt feel safe telling my mom about the things that would become a source of trauma for 30+ years. whether it’s about learning the skills i need to follow my dreams, being honest with friends about my struggles adulting-asking for help has had me reliving the shame that kept me quiet. im looking into Schema therapy now🙏🏾

[@wormwoodbecomedelphinus4131]

I dont know where in particular it began for me... But notably, for the first half of my childhood, when I lived with my mom, I cried everynight for my Dad. The weekends with him were the only times I felt like everything was okay. Then at somepoint... I stopped crying. The pain never went away. I just lost the will to cry and wail.

[@AZ-rl7pg]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and have basically given up on ever being "happy". It especially doesn't help when I'm so reclusive that none of the therapists I've tried have been able to get anywhere since I really struggle with opening up and it doesn't help that I interpret their inability to get me to open up as them not actually caring about helping. I've gone through entire sessions barely saying a word while they just sit there waiting for me to engage like I'm some kind of social butterfly that's just feeling a little down and I've had others that are very dismissive of things I do bring up (like one that insisted that I didn't have PTSD because they were only focusing on the basic PTSD definition instead of C-PTSD like what I was talking to them about, due to a break up with an emotionally abusive person resulting in my entire life falling apart and haven't recovered since but you know I just need to "man up").

[@piegirl8263]

I need to keep reminding myself that I am now safe and that it's okay to enjoy my life and friends

[@LaneThePlane]

I start therapy for these issues tomorrow and I am extremely excited yet nervous on how it's going to go. My mind is racing with "what if she cancels? What if insurance doesn't cover? What if my card declines and I can't use my other card to pay?" Last time I tried to reach out to a therapist, I reached out to about 4 or 5 in my area and only 1 responded to me 8 months later.

[@ManishaPachangre]

As in India people don't seem to care about mental health issues and often ignore the visible symptoms all parents want here is to get good grades and 10th ans 12th std. are very crucial years of a student's life so the community only expects them to study all the time and make self care very difficult as they think it is a waste of time the mindset of the people here is trash and toxic and it seems like they don't care about the increase in number of students suicide rate and refuse to change their mind set or send their visibly depressed kid to a therapist as their are less no. Of therapist because the community thinks it's not a real job and so going to therapy is very rare and this channel makes psychology and tips for mental health improvement available to everyone in a simple language love u♥️

[@hilatron]

Ive had depression for 27 years of my 37. It is the hardest thing to deal with. So exhausted!!

[@Mystic_Light]

Powerful video. Thank you

[@user-eg6mi7hr8v]

My mom was in jail when I was in 1st grade for 10 years. my parents got a divorce after. My mom went crazy and no she's in jail again this time for 10 yrs. And I'm currently 13 years old. I won't see her till I'm 23. My dad is raising my sister and I all by himself. But with all this happening right now I know things will get better and eventually everything will be alright. I'm no certain that it will but hope keeps me going. A message to everyone: Just because things seem hard right now doesn't mean things will get better. Have hope and faith and it will be ok.

[@Erakko-]

I've never accepted myself and never knew how to do anything useful and once I try to tell this to people, they don't seem to understand in any way. I've hated myself for like over 20 years and I've considered committing suicide twice. I've always feared angry yelling people and I freeze when someone yells at me. And once that happens, I promise you I wouldn't care less about anything anymore.

[@1Toryn]

Great Video as always! ❤😂

[@wibberinksan1770]

What if everyone says that you have a good childhood, no real signs of abuse. But you just have the feeling that adults in your childhood never really understand you and have been supporting you. And that the reason is why you have trust issues and being depressed. Still it's a problem today that adults don't understand and supporting me.

[@sanjaskutor]

I am crying while watching this...

[@thatlooksdou]

Thanks for this great information!

[@Werefangx]

"Can't have trauma from what ya trauma makes you forget!" Yet I do TwT

[@namethestars]

SA from when I was six up until I was 14, physical abuse too and neglect - all at the hands of my stepfather and the latter two from my "mother". Depression has dogged me most of my life but I'm starting to, very slowly, find a way out of that darkness.

[@H7X]

Wow. I can only wish you good luck on your healing... that's really a lot to take in. You can do it, I'm sure of it.

[@namethestars]

@@H7X thank you 🫂💗 and just when I thought I was out of that I got pulled into a physically abusive relationship with my partner (that took another ten years of my life). I've genuinely been told that all of my trauma should have crippled or broken me down, that they were surprised I didn't turn to drugs/drink as a crutch. But now I have my own place, I've cut ties with both my ex and family members who constantly abused my trust and starting to find myself. Been a long drag to reach this point but I feel like I'm me for the first time in a long time 🙂

[@namethestars]

​@@H7Xthank you 🫂💗

[@anderstermansen130]

whats an SA?

[@GBML214]

Just as a constructive critique, I’ve been subscribed for a few years now and this is the first video that really woke up some profound wounds that I have (I am ok and I’m in therapy dw). My criticism is more about the "happy go lucky" impression I got of the narration. It is a sweet and rather neutral voice which hasn’t bothered me until now, but now that I was triggered for the first time, I couldn’t help but feel like the narration wasn’t really conscious of just how (possibly) painfull this subject could be to certain people at the moment they realise they check all the boxes on your list of signs (or even just one). Before getting into the treatments, I would have appreciated a little more time or validation just to feel what I was feeling. Instead the impression I got the video was "here’s a list of signs like any other video" and then "if you checked the boxes, don’t worry (don’t be sad), you can fix it". At the point of possible treatments in the video I was not in a heaspace to think of a solution, I was just distraught and had to pause the video. Anyway, thank you so much for everything you do. I really appreciate the work this channel is doing, and I’m sure a lot of time and research is put into each video. I just wanted to share my experience of how this video landed for me in case others felt the same. Keep up the good work❤

[@Thvyunderstorm]

Therapy is a scary thing in my mind because of bad experiences. When i was just in elementary school my parents decided to send me to multiple therapy because of my depression, agression and bullying. But that only made it worse because my main problem was feeling lonely, offended, neglegted and blamed for just being myself. the therapy reinforced my believes of not being accepted as who i really am.

[@donnalambs9578]

It's being left alone with all the emotions and having no one at all to turn to that causes trauma. Then they make it worse but they know what they are doing

[@Kyra-cl2pf]

My parents broke up when i was 6, and it forced me my sister and my mom to moove to another city. Here, my mom used to yell at us due to stress (I guess). So my sister became kind of my mother's figure for me. When she left to go somewhere else for her studies, I got alone with my mother that yells at me at least 3 times a week. It started to makes my grades lower, generating more and more arguments with my mother. Even this friday, I tried to kill myself because of it. She stopped me before i finished but I don't thank her for it, because now I'm back to my daily suffer that I don't know how to escape.

[@rudevalve]

Certified Gold!!!!!

[@smallgamesplays4958]

My dad was not there very often. My mom always had a drinking problem. My father-in-law in their earlier years of their marriage was emotionally abusive to me and my younger brother-in-law. I developed MDD while my brother-in-law became psychotic and violent. A bit of a sad story, but the worst of it was the neglect... my growth was stunted in the long run because of it. I don't know I guess none of it matters to me anymore I just want to live my life and forget everything. Edit: I forgot to mention I have PTSD from very young childhood experiences with caretakers... I would not like to go into it...

[@mari23_13]

Man, this video hit me like a truck. I've been on therapy since 2019 and I already know all of this, but it is still hard to think about

[@Highoffwuan_]

It’s not the roughest childhood but I was stole from my family for 17 years by my great auntie and it’s something I really just can’t get over it I think about it all the time and people always tell me just get over it but I cant

[@sbthatlovesu]

I love these videos sooooo much and her voice is so soothing

[@Kit-cloud.gacha_fun]

When I was 8 or 9 my parents would often fight and I would sometimes hear glass breaking or something else.... When I was in grade 1 or 2 I once got spanked, probably had a reason for that but still, there should've been a different way.... And sometimes when I cry my parent or parents tell me to toughen up bc I was a big girl and big girls don't cry or they would say stop crying before I give u a reason to cry when I was little......

[@hayeonkim7838]

Thanks for so helpful and valuable video as always there are so many things I agree with..

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for your support in our work! ❤ we will continue to make a difference in helping others

[@Lucas-iSL]

I think a video on schizoid personality disorder would be a good followup on this considering a leading theory on the cause of it is related to poor childhoods

[@Galaxy_paws2013]

I know that it wasn't my fault but it feels like it and I just keep adding to my depression

[@Kyller9-2]

Everyone I take a breath through my nostril is when I remember when my childhood began to erode. Because when I breathe in I remember the night my step-father slammed my bedroom door against my nose, giving me a deviated septum. I shouldn't have refused to go to bed or hid behind my door when he roared my name and stomped down the hallway. But he showed how unrepentant he was for my injury by screaming at me while my mom wiped away blood and tears from my face. They divorced but nothing really got better. My mom believed mental illness and trauma was something to be ignored. My life slowly went down hill when I was 7.

[@goodsamaritangaming1997]

I grew up in an "all or nothing" kind of home (more like all or grounded) with my stepmom. I couldn't do therapy exercises at the level she thought I should? I was grounded. I had trouble in school? I was grounded. School became a place of anxiety and bullying while home became a place of anger and resentment. In 2011 I tried to overdose and failed, and thats when the depression really hit because it was clear there was literally no way out. I was lectured and medicine kept away, but I was never given any help. It kind of spiraled downward from there.

[@Ceejay2961]

My issue started around when I was 7 or so, didn't get enough attention and was mostly yelled at for almost everything I became the attached type but I stopped that a few years back and buried all my feelings but this vid made me realise that all I just need Is to open up to a professional Funny thing is that I'm studying psychology cause of this issue 🤭

[@katherineraquelle1930]

My depression started at age 10-11. My past surfaced in 2020 and my depression started. My childhood from 2000-2012 was the female version of the Nightstalker 😊

[@anderstermansen130]

thats wrong. At age 10-11 youre still a child, therefore you dont have real problems in your life yet. Thats why children shouldnt be listened to, only looked at.

[@thunderblossom8114]

I’d love to begin the road to recovery. Keep trying but hitting obstacles along the way. I’ve been on my own when i needed support the most. My family doesn’t know I have depression as they’d always make poor comments about just commercials about it or just the side effect from medicines. I’ve moved out, but still deal with depression. I feel like it’s gotten better and worse. I’ve had it since about 8-10 years old and had lots of thoughts of suicide in 2016. Was abused emotionally and mentally by my mother, with threats of physical harm a couple times when i was 20. No. I don’t know how to reach out and ask for help. I’m too scared of getting hurt yet again by someone and having them leave

[@Cute_Via0]

Emotional abusive parents will always cause me trauma

[@laraparks7018]

Confront your abusers😮 It's hard but you will learn just how well you are and how sick your abusers are

[@Bandkidl1fe]

I'm not sure I can do that 😗

[@laraparks7018]

@@Bandkidl1fe than don't

[@Bandkidl1fe]

@@laraparks7018 I will one day tho

[@GhANeC]

I believe my lifelong tendency for constant lighter or deeper levels of depressive states, which I wasn’t always able to recognise as such, stems mainly from the same origin. I didn’t know i had a bipolar mother with borderline personality disorder and likely adhd and very likely a father with same. I guess growing up with this from infancy cemented “forever” that this was simple normality. Or did it? Maybe me always still feeling deep inside that they loved me in their own way, or at least telling myself i felt it, despite how insane things often got, plus my parents’ way of reiterating strongly how normal everything was, along with their extreme reaction to both me even mildly wishing to open up or discuss questioning some things and understanding and changing/improving them, or also to at least then me wishing to find my own space and peace away and doing my own thing for better or for worse… rather cemented at least my conflict and trauma within and the growing deep crevices in my sense of inner strength, confidence, self esteem, self respect and self worth. Even if for a long time i also didn’t recognise that clearly. For if the ones who supposedly loved me most rejected my voice, my feelings, my hurt, my autonomy, my maturing, my right to stand up for myself, my right to be treated fairly, often through shouting or emotional blackmail or catastrophising/fear or simply walking away leaving me behind… then what did that increasingly spoke to my value as a person? Of course that made a long period from my pre to mid teens of being subjected to mainly daily verbal bullying inside and outside school much easier. My father is now dead, since before i turned 30. My mother collapsed when that happened. After half my life of my father having to work abroad and away from us for most of the year in a row (which couldn’t have helped my sense of insecurity or abandonment), my parents had recently decided to move abroad together along with my brother, and were finally providing my brother and themselves with a daily “normal” family life again, despite hard immigrant challenges. Things were slowly looking up for them and, i admit, also finally for my personal peace, space, distance and autonomy. And then suddenly he dies and the world is ripped from under her feet. A decade has passed and I’m sure she hasn’t recovered yet. But, my father died undiagnosed. My mother still is undiagnosed. The reason I’m so sure about their specific conditions, is because I’ve been very close in the past few years to someone who had been diagnosed and eventually told me so. Experiencing things with her and talking to her made me see clearly a pattern in my choices of past relationships, and the often painful and confusing moments in many of them, but as well as with my parents’ behaviour. Of course, being as close as this to someone diagnosed with high and clear levels of this has not only provided clarity on somethings, but been taking a lot of toll on others…

[@yoshtheknife]

Art style is really nice.

[@yumerisa]

I have been professionally diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder when i was almost 20. Yet i know that my symptoms actually started since childhood. I was crying in front of my psychiatrist and my mom, my heart sank that i really needed to be truthful back then. I was very used with being secretive with my suffering, but i reached my limit and actually had the first panic attack after i had an argument with manipulative person. I told my mom and therapist that i always felt su*cidal since i was a kid. I don't blame my parents for their flaws in parenting. But, now, i can see their positive efforts for my mental recovery. Especially my father, he was kinda close minded and skeptical about mental illness but now, he's trying to understand at least... Hahaha that's all

[@keykosantana]

I don’t think my childhood was really bad. Just unfinished business I’ll never finished because he passed away and I’ll never feel like I’ve made him proud and get his approval. Makes me constantly feel I’m not good enough. Seeing him pass takes me away from the present and anticipate the end of all good things. Then I never felt like I could really process those feelings between sports and my mom rushing me through my emotions I never had time to deal with it. Then I’m pretty sure my symptoms of bipolar disorder started to show themselves in high school but never paid attention. Wasn’t until I graduated that I had any time to think and was also when my symptoms got severe. I feel I wasted my 20s because of it and feel guilty and ashamed that I let that be the case. Spent most of my 20s single and have no relationship experience and recently broke up with the only girl I’ve been with in years. Just feel I can never get this life thing right. Just needed to get this out.

[@user-lp7jf2kh1w]

I swear to even the time of my own grave that I'll give my future children the happiest times that they'll never forget, though things may happen but I'll always support them and make things out possible for me, to be by their side as an kind father but somehow strict too (as I have experienced too many things that made me recently gloomy, a failure at society but this wish will never fade)

[@Kiki_bun180]

Im definitely afraid of my friends leaving me in the dark all alone so I end up keeping on finding more friends to at least feel like no one is leaving me alone and I kinda have obsession to add random ppl out of nowhere and I get attach to ppl way to easily and I show a lot of my affection and clingy ness to them and not wanting them to leave me 😞

[@foxyfnaf6617]

but i cant stop staring at what happened to me all the things that happened to me are playing in my head non-stop all the negative thoughts in my head my second side is telling me i cant do anything and i can't tell anyone i just can't...